Some online dating sites ask people a lot of questions. I know this because I have a couple of fake accounts so I can check out the local talent.

I can’t actually be involved in online dating, because I can’t get into a chick based on some unverified information she typed about herself and a couple of close-cropped pictures of her, spanning from her collarbone to the top of her head.. I actually have to be around a chick to know what I want to do with her.

One of the questions I haven’t seen is “Are You Lonely?”

I didn’t think about it at the time that I was making my accounts, but I was having yet another of the recurring conversation I have with women who can’t understand why guys are trying to touch them and kiss them and get laid when they go on dates with them.

The obvious answer, which hasn’t changed since the beginning of time, is “The only reason he agreed to going on a date with you is that he’s already determined he wants to tap that OR he wants more information to decide WHETHER he wants to hook up with you or not.”

For Context.. I explained 4 years ago, back in 2009, that I don’t “date”. I hang out -> “Dating vs. Hanging Out”. This is for the very reason I just stated. If I go on a date with a chick, it’s because I’m trying to get on.

If I hang out with a chick, it’s because I enjoy her company, and there’s no guarantee that she’s going to get lucky… Although she easily “might could” >;D

This is because I’m not lonely.

I have 3,725 Facebook Friends, several hundred of which live close enough for me to hop on the bus or the subway and see them within an hour or two (depending on how far away they live, and how the trains are running. Sundays are KRAY-ZAY), and several thousand followers on Twitter, Google+, etc.

If I decide to spend time with somebody, it isn’t because I don’t have anything better to do. 🙂 It’s because I’ve decided that out of the list of good things I COULD BE doing, I’ve elected to spend my time with them.

Similarly.. If I were to go on a date, it’s because I’m trying to hook up with that chick, and for NO. OTHER. REASON.

This is what I feel has been the disconnect in these conversations I keep having.

I would not go on a date to have someone to talk to.
I would not go on a date to have someone else sitting next to me at the bar because I don’t feel like going out by myself.
I would not go on a date looking to solidify my relationship to someone I intend to play board games or cards with (I don’t play board games or cards ANYWAY, but I’m just SAYIN’)

The only reason to go on a date is to see what you can do about hooking up with the chick.

Other than that, you’re hanging out.

So I was thinking about this the other day, and I realized that dating situations could be improved if mismatches were avoided.

Women who are LONELY, and don’t have anybody to go for drinks with or to walk in the park with or to play cards with should be hooked up by the dating computer with men who are also LONELY, as both of them would cherish that opportunity to spend platonic time with another human being.

The ‘problem’ occurs when the lonely woman is matched with a non-lonely man who only arrived at the date for the potential of action.

I suppose this could work the other way around, where the woman presses up on the man and he was just there for conversation, tea, and biscuits, but I’ve never heard a guy complain that a woman he went on a date with “tried” to hook up with him.

Anyway, Ladies.. Guys already have people to talk to and go for drinks with and to the movies and whatever else.. Those are called our *FRIENDS*, male and female.

The more friends someone has, the less likely it is that they had nothing better to do than go on a date with you. There’s a reason why they agreed. There’s a reason why they arrive.

Having said that.. If the guy went on the dating site looking to find a wife or some kind of long-term relationship, he’s going to be very interested in your stories about how your chores as a child included churning butter.

I’m sure this adds to women’s confusion, being that they go on some dates that are platonic and other dates where the guy’s on the case from the giddyap.

It also adds to their confusion when guys who aren’t interested in long-term relationships claim to be, because they figure that’s the faster way to get this chick to lay down.

So maybe the answer is for women to have more extensive online conversations with dudes before they go out with them, to see if the guy’s at least going to PRETEND to be on the same page with her as far as what they’re both looking for from meeting up in person.

That way, if he changes his plan on the actual date, she can state Breach Of Contract and bounce, knowing that she put her best foot forward in this situation, and the reason it didn’t work out is all his fault. Follow Bill via Email Subscription | YouTube | Facebook | Twitter | Google+ | RSS Feed

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  1. I agree with most of this. Online I have met men that do not go out, travel or do anything without having a woman with them. They will even say “Well, I haven’t been to ____ because I didn’t have anyone to try it with,” or something to that effect. I think it’s weird. I want to ask if they have friends. They tend to also lack the ability to even think of an activity on their own because the women must have led them around by the hand. I go out solo, with friends or whatever, regardless of whether I’m dating someone. I can’t be someone’s only friend.

    These men would be perfect for the women you are meeting.

    I’m wondering if the question should be “Do you have a life?” but that might sound mean.

    1. Hey Kenya! 😀

      Yeah, that’s bad news when a dude isn’t willing to do anything social “by himself”, because it’s when you’re “by yourself” that you meet new chicks! 😀

      On top of that, if you’re worried about it, go hang out with your homeboys at the bar, or the restaurant, or the batting cages, or wherever you’re guessing women might appear or that you’ll have a good time even if they don’t.

      “Do you have a life? \o/” is the question, because if they don’t, they’re going to want to share *ALL* of YOURS!!! 😀

  2. Hi Bill,

    Another insightful post! I went on 3 dates with a lawyer from eharmony and he TRIED to play me with interesting explanations as to what he was “looking for”. Thanks to your blog I was able to pinpoint his true feelings and drop him before he could take advantage. For example, when I asked: “are you interested in a long-term relationship with me?” He responded: “I think everyone is ultimately looking for a long-term relationship.”

    Pretty sly but I was able to deduce he evaded my specific question about ME & HIM. I decided to sleep with him on the 3rd date because physical compatibility is important but he was such a douche following the 3rd date that I broke it off and never saw him again.

    It is weird because in terms of looks: I am better than he is and he even commented on this. As you have blogged about in the past: women tend to date down because we think somehow the men will be so grateful to have us that they’ll commit and not stray. Apparently this doesn’t work as a strategy because men do what they want and being better looking than them doesn’t make a difference.

    Sigh! No prospects in site.

    1. Excellent, Sally!! 😀 haha

      That’s what I’m talking about.

      It’s easy to tell these things.

      What you asked should have been answered with a yes, no, or “I haven’t decided yet”, not some general wording that usually gets him out of the situation. 🙂

      He even could have answered your question “yes” without indicating whether he meant an EXCLUSIVE LTR or not! 😀

      Yes.. Men do what they want. That’s the bottom line in dating.

      I think it was Chris Rock that said something to the effect of “Men are only as faithful as their options.” o_O

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