Sometimes, you can see other people’s personal roadblocks more easily and objectively than they can.
The question is what to *DO* with that information.
Do you tell the person about themselves and help them strive to improve their lives, or do you let them remain in their rut and keep your information & theories to yourself?
Where Tha Chinese Women At?
I blog so I can help other people. Clearly, by the time I write something, I already know it. These discussions are designed to help YOU out, not ME.
Having said that, the people that I blog about (Not by name.. By recounting their situation so others can learn from it.) don’t necessarily read my blog.
What responsibility, if any, do I have to attempt to help them directly with their problems?
Like Dave Chappelle said.. If he’s standing on the street in a cop outfit, “JUST BECAUSE I’M DRESSED THIS WAY doesn’t mean I’m going to go chase that purse-snatcher!” hahaha 😀
But seriously, folks.. It’s an interesting topic, especially when people neither want to hear nor believe the truth about themselves. Letting them know what time it is could end your relationship to them as opposed to strengthening it because they know you looked out for their best interests in pointing out a flaw that was hindering their progress in life.
Let’s say I liked Chinese chicks, meaning like from China, not the ones you can get in America.. And then you ask me where I hang out to meet chicks and I say Zimbabwe.
……. If you’re interested in my progress towards my stated goal, you’re going to say “What about if you switched venues and started hanging out in Beijing? o_O”
My odds would be better looking for Chinese chicks in China instead of Africa.
Similarly, if a chick is complaining that she can’t get a boyfriend and then you ask her how she meets guys and she says she either works with them or she hangs out socially with them, except you happen to know that none of the guys she hangs out with like women to begin with and that she refuses to date anyone she works with (VEEEEEERRRY good idea! 😀 haha), you can see that her predictable future is devoid of boyfriend opportunities.
If she doesn’t start hanging out where guys that want women hang out, she’s finished.
At this point, she could stay at home and swipe on Smartphone Dating Apps, but that’s a different discussion.
So the question is when you see something as obvious as this, do you mention it to the person or not?.. They might feel stupid if you tell them there are more Chinese chicks in China than in Africa. They might feel stupid if you tell them that they’re blocking 100% of their dating opportunities because they’re never around males that would actually date them.. Much less marry them.. Much less have kids with them as a family.
I think the first division is whether you care or not.
If you don’t care whether the person succeeds in their own goals, you can stay quiet and not care. You can watch them thwart themselves ad infinitum without developing any positive or negative feelings about how they’re living the one life they’re going to ever get.
If you do care, your options are to bring it up and bang it out with them to the point where they’re either going to thank you for setting them on the path to their personal success or they’re going to stop talking to you because they neither want to hear about nor deal with your criticisms of their current lifestyle, or to NOT bring it up and watch them suffer while you know you could have tried to help them avoid that.
The second division is whether you feel they can do anything about it or not.
Some situations are beyond repair.
In those cases, if the person isn’t already aware of the problem, they may be wallowing in the bliss of ignorance, and you might decide to leave them there instead of trying to “help” them, potentially making their situation permanently worse.
Then, there are the things that you know CAN be changed, but the person probably WON’T change. Again, you have the choice of whether to bring this up or not, based on what you feel like would be in that person’s best interests.
Then, there are the things that you know the person WILL strive to change if they become aware of it.
In my earlier example, if I had actually believed it was a good idea to look for Chinese chicks in Africa and someone informed me that there were more of them in China, I would of course research what they told me, but if I found it to be true, I would relocate to China.
If you were working in a car factory in Michigan and they moved your factory to China, you need to be aware as soon as possible that you aren’t going to get a similar job and you need to be reeducated in a field where you can be selected to be hired for gainful employment. The longer you wait, the worse your chances become of ever getting another job where you currently live, and then you’ll have to move to another city or state… But how? When you don’t have money to move and you can’t afford to live anywhere without a job anyway?
I think ultimately you have to choose whether a) you give a damn about this person’s future to begin with, and b) you’re willing to lose their “friendship” so they can be upset at you but make a positive change in their personal life.
Friendship is in quotes because people who get mad at other people for telling them the truth aren’t your friends. They’re idiots.
This is assuming that you can convince them that the truth is the truth.
Some people are so entrenched in their concept of life that you appear to be misleading them when you tell them how it really is.
I’ve told a homegirl of mine at least 100 times, maybe 200 times that “nobody” cares what she thinks, as far as if a guy is physically attracted to her, that’s what matters to him. Over and over and over I heard “Nah, Nah, Nah, blah blah blah”, and then the other day, she accidentally texted a picture of herself to the wrong phone number and the person she sent it to started kickin’ game to her, trying to compliment her and get on.
She didn’t find out until way later that she wasn’t texting with the person she *THOUGHT* she had sent the picture to! 😀 hahahaha
So instead of saying “I see the picture you sent me and I’m sure I’ve never met you before in life and I don’t know you”, the dude decided to try his luck and see if he could get some from her.
Same thing when women complain about guys trying to hook up with them while they’re wearing sweatpants, or a hat and their hair wasn’t done, or they didn’t have makeup, or blah blah Nobody Cares! 😀 So long as the guy is attracted to her, getting on is the primary concern. Not what she does for a living. Not who she plans to vote for in the election. Not whether she’s Dominican or Puerto Rican… Nobody Cares.
The reason this is important for women to understand is it helps them figure out WHY a guy is talking to them in the first place, and what he’s angling towards.
I have no idea how many times I’ve heard from chicks that some guy gave them a business card and said he wanted to discuss a business opportunity with them and then when they agree to meet for dinner, the guy’s just trying to get them to lay down and spread their legs.
Countless. I have no idea how many times. This is typical, like Handbook 101 Freshman-Year Game.
How many times have I heard from chicks that they met a dude through online dating who said he was 6’2″ and then he arrived at 5’4″ and still tried to get on? 😀
If you’d like to guess, consider that I wrote about this 8 years ago in 2008, which wasn’t the first time I had heard of the situation -> billcammack.com/2008/12/08/its-all-in-the-game-online-dating/
How many times have I heard from chicks that the dudes that arrived for their first IRL date after meeting them online didn’t look ANYTHING LIKE THEIR PICTURES and were apparently, in some cases, up to 10 YEARS OLDER than the pictures they had used as bait for the chicks?
How many times do you think I’ve heard a chick say she was dumped immediately after giving it up for the first time, regardless of how long she stalled the dude before having sex with him? -> billcammack.com/2009/01/15/why-you-got-dumped-after-sex/
So if I actually give a damn about a gal’s progress in her life and I choose to tell her something, I’m going to tell her the truth. How she feels about the truth is irrelevant. I’m not saying that I’m telling her what’s definitely happening to her. I’m telling her about possibilities that her fairy tale upbringing won’t allow her to consider. I’m enabling her to think the right thoughts, ask the right questions, and take the right actions to efficiently navigate the dating scene as it unfolds before her.
If I care about HER more than I care about MY ability to interact with her, I’m going to give her the truth, let her get mad about it and go about her business. If I care more about MYSELF, I probably stay quiet and let her remain befuddled.
Business Is Business
There’s another situation where you might want to strive to fix someone’s character flaw(s) regardless of what THEY think about them. That’s when you’re considering doing business with them.
I’ve been watching “The Profit”, and a lot of the time, that’s what Marcus has to do, fix these people’s brains, or at least figure out what’s wrong with them so he can determine whether they’re going to drag the company down.
You might have someone who should be teaching his workers how to do X and then spending his time doing something more important for the company that only he can do, except he’s ACTUALLY spending his time hovering over the workers making sure they do exactly what he told them, which was the point of his telling them in the first place, so he didn’t have to hover over them.
You might have someone who’s so greedy that he doesn’t want to share any equity with his workers in order to give them the incentive to a) stay with the company, and b) work their hardest to make money FOR YOU.
You might have someone whose personality is so creepy that they scare off clients as well as workers, and they’re too stupid to realize that that’s what ruined their company to begin with because it’s a great idea being implemented by sub-par people, both because the person in question sucks as a human being and because only the desperate workers remain while the talented ones go where they’re going to be appreciated.
You might have someone who likes to screw the workers.. Not meaning monetarily, like as in actually having sex with subordinates and then unceremoniously firing them and setting your company up for a devastating lawsuit.
There are lots of reasons why you would rather have this person’s brain fixed or have nothing to do with them at all than letting them continue to be who they are and taking your chances with when the hot potato’s going to go off when it’s in your hands.
This is why it’s good to have references and checks & balances when you deal with people.
You don’t want to take someone’s word for who they are and what they can do. You want to reach out to your network of people that you know who also have had contact with this person and get a consensus as far as whether you should interact with this person at all, much less in a capacity where you’re intertwining your business fortunes.
Did You Order The Code Red?
At the end of the proverbial day, there are people who can handle the truth and people who can’t.
What you have to decide, if you decipher a character flaw in someone, is what the value is of informing them about it.. The value to you, and the value to them.
The value to you is that if they correct their path, you get to interact with a better human being *IF* they’re still friends with you after you tell them! 😀 haha
The value to them is that if there’s something they can do about the problem, they can get out of their own way and live a better life going forward.
Personally, I study a lot of subcultures. I’m very interested in why people act the way they act and why they consider themselves similar to some people and different from others.
Towards the end of a long night of drinks, I was having a knock-down, drag-out argument with 3 or 4 chicks and I inadvertently reacted to something one of them said and told her to her face that she wasn’t going to have kids with the guy she was currently dating.
I bring up the drinks and the argument not as an excuse, but because it was something I learned about myself.. When defending and attacking on several fronts (all in good fun, because I don’t even speak to people I don’t like, much less sit down for drinks with them), I reached my limit of listening to bullshit and her “having kids” statement was just too much and I instinctively shouted that down.
I immediately “regretted” telling her the truth because she looked so hurt when I told her that.
The fact of the matter is that I knew this chick very well and I was aware that she’s a superstar.
She had introduced me to her boyfriend, and although he’s a nice guy, I was aware that he’s a Herb.
I knew that eventually she’d recognize the mismatch and the relationship would end before kids were involved.
That’s exactly what happened.
They’re both married to other people now, and the dude had a kid with some other chick.
I didn’t regret what I said. I “regretted” telling her the truth because I didn’t mean to, and without extenuating circumstances, I never would have.
I would have let time roll forward and then she would have broken up with the Herb anyway and I would have said to myself “Uh-Huh” and gone about my business knowing that I had chalked up another proper assessment.
I didn’t intend to say anything because she was enjoying her relationship to him, which is what life’s about.. Enjoying your days.
Unless there’s a real reason that I’m aware of that I need to tell a chick about so she can avoid disaster, I can’t possibly care which dude *ANY* chick gets her kicks from.
What difference does it make to me?.. None.
There as no threat in my homegirl’s relationship. She just hadn’t realized yet that she trumped the dude.
Having said all that.. I’m still excellent friends with her to this day.
Of course I made it clear to her what my point was in blurting that out. She trumped him and there was no way she was going to settle for him. I didn’t believe she would AT ALL and that isn’t what happened as real life marched forward.
She was able to receive the truth from someone that she knew damned well was in her corner regardless of what her social situation was, appreciate it or not, and move forward.
That’s a REAL relationship. If she had only wanted to hear bright shiny stuff from me, that pretty much should have been the end of our interaction.
If you choose to inform people about the predictable future of their current situation or behavior, make sure you’re spending your time and energy on someone who’s worth it, can and will make the changes if they choose to, and will live a better life going forward whether that live includes YOU or not. 😀