Everyone has their proverbial crosses to bear.
One of mine is that I wish society would improve while *ALL* of the data indicates it will only get worse.
That’s why I write articles like this, so that hopefully somebody will find a better way to deal with people and improve their lives.
I don’t write it for myself because by the time I write it I already know it.
I Shot An Elephant In My Pyjamas
A homegirl of mine came up with an interesting question the other day. She wanted to know how she could interact with outgroupers (people that are not considered similar to the person considering them) without being prejudiced towards them AS outgroupers.
In other words, her desire to see outgroupers as ingroupers was in direct conflict with her recognition that people in her ingroup were treating outgroupers differently and SHE wanted to actively work against that.
So let’s take the proverbial “elephant in the room”… There’s either an elephant in the room or there isn’t. You can either see it or you can’t. You’re going to do something about it or you aren’t.
If you see an elephant in a room, you’re aware that it isn’t a human.
You can not consider how you can help an elephant without realizing and recognizing that that elephant IS an elephant.
If you think the elephant is a human, you’re going to act improperly towards it.
On the other hand, if treating the elephant like an elephant makes you consciously aware that you view elephants as different from humans, that’s a problem you have to solve for yourself because you can’t help elephants without recognizing that they’re elephants.
If I were concerned with what she’s concerned with, I would err on the side of recognizing the elephant.
My focus would be “You’re an elephant and not a human, so as a human I have the ability to treat you in a way that makes you recognize that I accept and care about you.”
Except I don’t care about elephants in rooms.
We all have our advantages and disadvantages due to the “accident of birth”.
I have an Xbox, but I had to get a job so someone would trade me money for the time I spent on their project so I could purchase that Xbox.
Someone else doesn’t have an Xbox, but they don’t have electricity or a job either, so what difference does it make?
Who’s in the better position? o_O The person who spend their time in the one life they’re ever going to have working so they can get money to buy things, or the person who can’t afford to buy things but spends all their time actually being alive?
Even if you have an Xbox, that doesn’t mean you have an internet connection to your house (if you have a house). That doesn’t mean you’re a good player. That doesn’t mean you’ll ever be a world champion at anything with people all over the globe attempting to be better than you are and failing.
So no.. Equality doesn’t exist, which is why I’m not concerned with elephants in rooms not being humans.
I treat everyone the way I perceive that they deserve to be treated.
I wouldn’t want to live differently.
If you’re a creep, you get what creeps deserve.
If you’re a lovely person (not meaning looks-wise, but what you offer other people in life), you get what lovely people deserve.
What comes around goes around, Karma, Whatever you want to call it.
Since I don’t personally believe in equality, I’m not looking to create equality.
I’m looking to understand each individual so I can properly offer them something valuable in return for the value they offer me.
It’s Not Me, It’s You.
Let’s say you know someone who’s chronically late to appointments. What are you going to do about that? o_O
One thing you could do is act as if you don’t know that from historical evidence.
Another thing you could do is treat them like someone who’s always late.
I used to be extremely relaxed about my arrival times. A close and dear friend of mine recognized that and started giving me false times to arrive which were 30 minutes to an hour ahead of when I was expected to arrive. 😀
This worked perfectly because a) I was arriving on time or EARLY to spend time with that person, and b) I recognized after maybe 2-3 instances of this that I was being tricked, which led me to investigate via introspection WHY I was being tricked, to figure out that it wasn’t fair to people that I was arriving approximately around X-O’Clock instead of exactly on or before X-O’Clock, and amending my behavior so I made sure I accounted for potential train delays and anything else so I could be on time to my appointments.
I had another situation where someone else was always late to when they said they were going to spend time with me, which resulted in my never being ready to leave when they arrived because there was no reason for me to believe they were going to arrive when they told me they would.
This caused that person to get upset at me and complain that I’m never ready. 😀
I don’t remember how the rest of that conversation went, but it’s a good segue into what I really want to talk about today.
That was my opportunity to either a) lie and say I’ll try to do better as far as being ready to leave at the designated time, or b) tell that person that the reason I’m never ready when you get here is that you’re ******* unreliable as a human being to EVER be ANYWHERE that you claimed you were going to be when you SAID you were going to be there.
Taking the latter route would have pointed out that person’s mental flaw.
I’m not ever ready when you get here because your word doesn’t mean **** to me because you never live up to your word.
Why would I get ready to do something at 2pm when you’re liable to not show up until 4pm, 5pm, or not at all?
Instead, whenever THE **** you ******* decide to show the **** up, you get to wait 30 minutes for me to get ready.
How About This?
Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather get defensive about their issues than actually accept the advice and improve themselves (if they even can improve themselves).
I was being unfair to people who I made plans with when I was 5 minutes late or 15 minutes late.
The solution was simple. Instead of aiming to get there AT whatever time, my aim was to get there BEFORE whatever time and then arrive under my own power at the allotted time.
Before that, I was guessing, and then the train wouldn’t come, or someone would get sick on the train, or the train would go express when I needed to get to a local stop, or whatever would happen that would knock my plan off by the ever-so-slight amount that it took to make the difference between on-time and late.
I corrected that.
Telling someone that they can’t be trusted to be on time may cause them to attempt to defend a history they can’t defend. History. Things actually happened. You never got there on time. This isn’t a debate or a discussion. These are facts. The only discussion here is whether you’re going to fix yoursel on your own, whether you’re going to STFU about me not being ready when you finally arrive, or whether we’re going to stop spending time together entirely.
Alternatively, I could have started telling you if you aren’t going to be here at 2pm like you said, don’t bother coming at all.
Then you would have been mad about *THAT*!! 😀 hahaha
So, often you have to decide between whether you want someone to improve themselves as human beings or whether you want them to like you.
One thing, if I give a flying **** about the person at all, that I advise people against is self-identifying as degenerates.
Here’s the thing.. If you don’t have any respect for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to have any respect for you?
Loser Society has taught you that you will be accepted by the rest of the losers if you proclaim yourself to be one of them.
*yawn* How’s that working for you?
Please inform me what value you’ve derived from attempting to be the best of the worst scum of the Earth.
What’s even worse is that even people who HAVE VALUE are portraying themselves as scum in order to attempt to become popular. This means they aren’t even good at maintaning the facade.
The only thing worse than being scum is having everyone know that you’re only pretending to be scum and you aren’t even doing a good job at it.
You’re so desperate to have someone pay attention to you that you’re going to lie about the circumstances of your privileged life in order to get people who are actually hating their lives to believe that you are too.
The real problem is that if you self-identify as a degenerate, nobody doing real business will want to have anything to do with you because it’s like Hot Potato and they never know when you’re going to embarrass yourself AND THEM in future.
Being associated with degenerates is co-signing degeneracy.
The reason you can’t talk people out of this, though, is that when you don’t know how it feels to be popular and then you get a chance, it’s similar to a drug you can get addicted to.
I don’t know how it feels to NOT be popular, so I have to try to convince people from a position they don’t believe in.
I do what I want when I want and I’ve already done more cool stuff than they’ll probably ever do for the rest of their entire lives, and I didn’t have to pretend to be a dreg of humanity to do it.
Loser Society puts the dregs in the spotlight and tells the kids “If you can demonstrate yourself to be a piece of **** like these people, we’ll make YOU as popular as they are.”
In fact that never works.. percentage-wise.
For every dreg you see in the spotlight, there are thousands if not millions of people who tried the same thing, failed, and you never heard their names before or after they died.
The real way to move forward is to be *YOURSELF*, be *ORIGINAL*, and the people with whom your message resonates will become your core fans and they’ll let other people who believe what they believe know about you and your community will grow organically.
If you don’t think there’s anything unique about you, you’re wrong.
Equality doesn’t exist. There’s something about you that others will enjoy hearing about or checking out. It’s on *YOU* to figure out what that is and become popular without losing your soul and potentially losing your life.
Clear & Present Danger
Let’s say you don’t have any control over your kids.
Everybody knows you don’t have any control over your kids whether they tell you that or not.
OTHER CHILDREN lose respect for you because what difference does it make whether you’re there or not if your kid is going to do the **** what they want whenever they want and you can’t/won’t do anything to stop them?
That’s a bad condition when kids are in high school and look at grown-ass men & women like they aren’t ****.
If you can’t control your kids, how are you supposed to control adults?
If you can’t control adults, tell me *WHY* a kid should feel *SAFE* in your care.
If you can’t stop a human being that you personally biologically produced from acting stupid, other kids are going to feel like when they’re with you, they’re totally on your own with no protection at all.
Even worse.. They might feel like being with you puts them in serious danger.. More danger than being around complete strangers.
And then you turn around and want respect? 😀
This is what I mean. This is the line that has to be walked.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because you don’t have any control over your kids.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because you’re a ******* DEADBEAT PARENT and you haven’t contributed love, money, or ANYTHING ELSE to your own child’s life you POS.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because regardless of what YOU say, I know someone who can make you do whatever they want you to do, so your word is worthless and I may as well talk to the person who’s really in charge of you.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because every time you came up with a business plan it failed, so no I’m not going to act like I believe this particular business plan of yours is going to work.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because every time we go somewhere, you start problems regardless of what that could mean for anybody with you because you only care about yourself.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because every time you get drunk you want me to babysit you from hooking up with somebody instead of not getting drunk in the first place OR learning to live with the fact that you like to get drunk and hook up and stop begging people to save you from yourself.
I see.. You feel like I don’t respect you.. It’s because when they do it you’re never there. When they show it you stop and stare. Abacab. But I digress.
So there are a lot of people living fake existences with other people because they’re scared to death to bring up their idiosyncrasies and try to help them work them out.
If you’re not going to help them work it out, you can at least tell them why you interact with them the way you do.
You can point out their fraudulent behavior or that they need to stop pretending that they care about family when their kids grew up without them, or they need to stop pretending they care about you when they’re always putting you in danger, or that they need to recognize that they continually make really really really really really poor decisions and that as much as you love them, they won’t drag you down with them.
It’s really easy to let people slide so you can maintain your relationship to them, but you aren’t helping them grow and develop as a human being.
It’s called “Enabling” when you make it easier for people to attempt to fail while you keep preventing them from failing.
The only way society gets better is when we all help each other to become better people.
Loser Society is getting worse because people are normalizing POS-ness and failure.
They want everyone to feel equal when they aren’t.
If everything is equal, you’re condoning ANYTHING to happen.
My guilt in this scenario involves not telling people what I think of them in order to spare their feelings at the expense of their progress/evolution in life.
It’s a tough situation, knowing why something someone’s trying isn’t going to work, but not wanting to tell them about it because you know there’s nothing they can or will do about it.
It becomes especially tough when you see them suffer the consequences that you knew were going to happen to them, which is why I attempt to steer people away from self-identifying as dregs.
I guess that brings me back to my original point about my homegirl’s dilemma.
I can’t help you as an elephant without recognizing you as an elephant.
Similarly, I can’t help you progress in life without informing you that you actually ARE a POS or that you’re pretending to be one and I know you’re faking it.
This turns into the conversation about why I think they’re a POS and I’m like because you tell me so every time you describe yourself and anyone willing to associate with you.
If everyone you know is worthless, that’s your fault.
If everyone you date turns out to be a POS, that’s your fault.
If I act like it isn’t your fault, I can’t help you figure out the solution.
We’ll stay friends longer but you’ll keep losing at life.
I’m on time NOW because a friend of mine cared enough to check me on it in the past and I learned that lesson and adapted.
I stopped attempting to be one of the people because a friend of mine laughed her ass off right in my face and I needed to investigate what she thought was so extremely hilarious about my comparing myself to the masses.
In order for any of this to work, you have to have a *REAL* relationship with someone where you know that whatever they say and do is going to be in your best interests.
If you allow yourself to travel off on a tangent of how you feel about what they said, you may never make it back to the introspection that will change your life.
Was I late? Yes I was. 😀
Have I ever been an uneducated, broke person living in the sticks? No I have not. 😀
Your close friends will inform you of things they feel are off about your personality, or even self-destructive.
Your job is to love them enough to care about their opinions of you to the degree that you’ll at least consider what they’re saying and think about whether you’d like to make a change.
I asked a friend of mine a question and I could tell by her reaction that she was ashamed that I even asked her, but she answered the question anyway.
I asked her because it’s a pattern in her life which I’ve seen repeat itself over many years.
She was obviously so hurt over answering the question that I just dropped the subject and moved on to something else.
Our relationship is based on telling each other most truths and completely avoiding other truths.
I would never, and have never chosen not to IMMEDIATELY discuss something with her that I felt could ruin her life.
Other than that, if she asks my opinion on something, I’ll tell her…. Probably. 😀
Sometimes you’re too far down the wrong road to turn around and make it back to the right one.
Sometimes the wrong road becomes the right one due to extenuating circumstances and the bad has to be lived with because it’s far outweighed by the good.
I just spent a few hours writing this, so perhaps my attempt to improve society is one of my personal and selfish mental issues. I want the world to be better so I can experience a better world.
Perhaps the amount of time I spent doesn’t matter because I know that this particular waste of my life’s time will be far outweighed by the good it produces in someone else’s.