So today on social media, somebody was complaining about being a perpetual side chick and I’m like “Are you sure there are any other job openings? o_O”

Who’s Better? Who’s Best?

Side Chicks have several problems, so let’s try to rush through them so this doesn’t turn into a novel.

First of all, in order to be a side chick, you’re not the main chick.

Or at least that’s what you think. You’re assuming there’s a gal above you on the totem pole.

Maybe you’re not assuming, and you know damned well that there’s a chick more important than you that this guy is involved with.

If that’s the case, you have to figure out how you’re going to become more important than she is before a chick below you becomes more important than you are.

On top of that, if there IS a chick that’s more important than you and this guy is still messing with YOU, guess what’s going to happen if you ever ascend the throne?… That’s right.. You’ll be the chick he’s cheating on with the next one while you think you’re so important.

This brings us to another problem.. For some reason, all women think they’re better than all other women.

It’s really pretty funny. 😀 They all figure that they’re the side chick because of some shortcoming of the main chick, and that when THEY become the main chick, that’s going to be it. No more cheating by this dude.

Except when you ask them what’s better about them than the main chick, they’re like …………..

So assume that you’re looking at the blueprint of your upcoming “relationship” while you’re sidechicking.

Sleight Of Hand

The next problem y’all always fall for is the okey-doke that dude isn’t satisfied in his relationship and he’s JUST ABOUT to break up with her and they’re already divorced but still live together and he’s only with her for the kids and they sleep in different bedrooms and she hasn’t given it up in months and yadda yadda

Meanwhile, the chick is probably doing everything she can for the dude but he’s enjoying messing with you too.

The way he gets away with this is that you and the main chick aren’t supposed to have any communication.

As part of your role as side chick, you’re supposed to remain in the shadows until TA-DA!!! you’re in and she’s out.

So you’re like that ninja hiding on top of the wall awaiting orders.

It isn’t your job to interact with the main chick so you’ll never actually know WHAT the relationship is between her and this dude you’re feverishly sweating and trying to bag for some odd reason.

If you did, you’d find out that nothing’s odd about her relationship at all, they have Caribbean cruises planned together, they have another kid on the way, they’re moving together to a new house in a different state because he got a promotion he didn’t tell you about…

The downside of being involved in this covert operation is that there’s simultaneously a covert operation AGAINST YOU that you don’t know about… Which leads us to your next problem…


Another good one is when the side chick thinks she’s the *ONLY* side chick! 😀 haha oh man

Sometimes, the dude actually does eventually get up off of the main chick. This is when the side chick thinks she’s got it made. If she were a rapper, they’d say she was “next up”.

Little did she know that she wasn’t even the main side chick….. o_O

So when she thinks she’s getting promoted to the Major League, she finds out she’s only getting promoted to… well nowhere because she’s now the side chick to some new main chick that she didn’t know existed.

See, it’s easy to hide side chicks from other side chicks because all the dude has to say is that he was spending time with the main chick.

For all you know, there are 7 other side chicks and you might be like number 6 in line.

You can complain about being a side chick, but then you get demoted.

As a side chick, it isn’t in your job description to complain. You’re supposed to be MORE FUN than the main chick, not LESS! 😀

So now you’re only going to be the cream that rises to the top when dude runs out of non-complaining side chicks.


So let’s say you run the gauntlet and you finally make it to what you perceive to be Main Chick status with this dude.

In order to simplify this part, we’ll assume that you vanquished all the rest of the side chicks and you’re the only woman in his life now.

This is not the time for you to change your personality.

Remember when you were the side chick and he didn’t care how you felt about… well, ANYTHING?

He still doesn’t.

Just because he told you you’re #1 now doesn’t mean you can suddenly become all grabby and wanty (is that a word? o_O) and needy and demanding, nobody cares.

The reason you got promoted is because you were less of a PITA than your predecessor.

If you now amp up your PITA-ness, you’ll be excommunicated faster than they impeached Cheetolini.


In fact, however, you didn’t eliminate your competition. All you did was get more time with a dude that currently enjoys messing with several chicks simultaneously.

The only thing that’s going to diminish his harem is his actual desire to only spend time with one gal.

YOU can’t do anything about it. Nothing that you’re bringing to the table is prompting him to exit the game.

All you can do is be the best human being you can and HOPE that he gravitates towards entering an exclusive “relationship” with you.

So “promoted side chick” is still a bad position for you to be in. You can’t complain. You can’t bust him with other chicks. You can’t do anything other than what you were already doing as a side chick or else you’re going to get demoted, so what was the point of ascending the throne?

By the way.. That thing you do with your tongue that he told you was amazing? It isn’t.

Dudes gas up (exaggerate) a chick’s skillz so she can feel prosperous.

If he knows what you did, he’ll just instruct the next chick to do the same thing, et voilà, you’ve been replicated.

Ghost In The Shell

This entire discussion so far has assumed that you knew there was a Main Chick to begin with.

What if there isn’t?

What if you thought you were a side chick because you thought there was a main chick?

If there’s no main chick, you’ve already achieved the highest format of relationship you’re going to have with this dude.

If he likes having girlfriends and doesn’t intend to have a wife, you’re short, kaput, finito, Stove Top Stuffing?.. You’re Staying!

Not everybody has a use for chicks beyond hooking up with them.

Not everybody intends to have kids.

Not everybody intends to get married.

Not everybody is even striving to have ONE girlfriend instead of several.

You can’t apply your fantasy of your relationship to someone to their personal way of thinking.

I know a gal that asked a dude where he saw their relationship 5 years from now and then she got upset when his response was “I’m not thinking about that.” 😀

Why should he be thinking about that?.. 5 years from now, he might be with you, several chicks AND you, several chicks WITHOUT you, or married to some chick you never heard of because the knowledge that she exists is above your pay grade.

If he’s enjoying the current format of your relationship, what incentive does he have to change the format to what YOU consider an upgrade and he doesn’t consider at all?

Unfortunately, people aren’t normally honest about what they’re trying to do here.

“Nah, I’m not interested in that” isn’t usually what dudes tell chicks. It’s usually, “we’ll see” or “it isn’t the right time” or “I need to be more stable in my business first” or “we need to plan a family” or some statement that gets her to believe in a future he doesn’t intend to be any part of because who cares?

Hired Thieves

Of course, the main problem is that you even knew you were a side chick in the first place.

If your goal is to achieve an exclusive relationship, that’s like knowing someone cheats at cards and still gambling against them.

If your goal is to be the best one of his myriad chicks, you can probably achieve that.

If your goal is to become his only girlfriend because you’re the best side chick since Cleopatra, you’re probably delusional.

You definitely have A CHANCE, being that the dude might be a really poor judge of character and he really hasn’t interacted with any women better than you, and will close the shop once he realizes that you’re the cream of the crop.

It’s just that climbing up a ladder with other women trying to climb up that same ladder isn’t a great game to be involved in.

Normally, there’s no way for you to be aware of this, but if you KNOW that you’re a side chick, that puts you in a certain position, which I’ve already described.

What kind of dudes actually tell chicks they’re peripheral? o_O

What kind of dudes actually say that they’re IN a so-called “relationship”, but they’re still down to sneak around with YOU behind her back?

To me, that’s like someone applying for a job and telling the potential employer that he’s currently embezzling from his current employer….. AND THEN ACTUALLY GETTING THE JOB!

Who hires someone that tells you to your face that he’s going to steal from you ON TOP OF the salary you’re paying him?

So, Basically, Side-Chickness doesn’t come with career advancement opportunities.

You can either graduate and become the woman cheated on, or never graduate and remain the perpetual extracurricular entertainment.

Neither one is a good look.


I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with your BEING a side chick. 🙂 You’re serving a valuable purpose in society, and in fact helping families stay together because you make it so easy for dude to get laid without having to divorce his wife.

I’m saying that complaining about being stuck in a holding pattern over the airport and never being able to land doesn’t make any sense.

This is what you signed up for.

You don’t accept a job as a garbageman and then complain that your boss expects you to pick up the garbage.

The way you start a relationship is the way you end it.

Even if you graduate, you were still in the minor leagues before that and he isn’t going to forget where he got you.

It’s a noble pursuit for you to strive to become the main chick. Good Luck to you with that! 😀

I’m just sayin’… 😀 If your entry into the game was as something extra to what he already had, your ascension to the throne is going to be a tough row to hoe.

(See what I did, there? :D)

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1 Comment

  1. Ill leave it at… many start as the side chick because THEY LIKE IT! “I get the fun not the problems” is what a lot of them thrive on until he starts having fun with others. Also, everyone wants what they cant have… a stable married man who takes care of his children and home. (It works the other way too but for the sake of this reading…).

    Ive had side-chicks who were the sides to NO ONE. I just didnt feel like being in a relationship and they were ok with me disappearing for hours/days on end because “he is at home with his kids”.

    I have actually worn a wedding ring… its that simple, you either with it or not.

    The part of side’dom that NO ONE ever want to accept (male or female) is that once you have crossed the line and willingly disrespected someone elses relationship you LOSE ALL RIGHT to complain when some one crosses that line with yours.

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