re: Women’s Orgasms Functioning as a Masculinity Achievement for Men [Part 01]

How is your self-esteem supposed to improve when you do something you already knew you could do? o_O

Bill - Airport

The Journal of Sex Research posted an article on February 23, 2017 which asked and studied the question Do Women’s Orgasms Function as a Masculinity Achievement for Men?.

First of all, Damned Right they do.

We’ll get to that later.

Let’s discuss this article as it occurs chronologically…

Orgasms have been promoted as symbols of sexual fulfillment for women, and have perhaps become the symbol of a woman’s healthy sex life.

no. no not really.

In fact, there are lots of women in their 30s and 40s who have never had an orgasm. Go study that.

Go study how there are a lot of women who THINK they’ve had an orgasm but then find out they hadn’t when they actually achieve one.

Go study why there are women who don’t know they’re multi-orgasmic until that actually happens to them and they’re surprised.

In fact, almost NOBODY has been focused on women’s orgasms this entire time, which is one of the reasons this “study” is hilarious.

However, some research has suggested that this focus on women’s orgasms, though ostensibly for women, may actually serve men; but the mechanisms of this are unclear.

wrong again

The mechanism is clear. Some dudes take pride in their ability to make women enjoy themselves. Period.

Unfortunately, in Loser Society, everyone wants to believe they’re autonomous when they aren’t. Everybody wants to feel like they’re equal when they aren’t. I’m not saying women equal to men. I’m saying how easy it is or isn’t for a woman to achieve orgasm whether you want to believe the Sex and the City stories about vibrating toothbrushes or not.

Some dudes care if the chick gets off. Some dudes don’t.

Out of the percentage who care, some dudes know how to make that happen and some dudes arrive there by luck.

In fact, a lot of dudes get laid by luck, which is why they refer to it as “getting lucky”.

So if it’s a luck shot if you get laid, how are you supposed to be any good at something that you have no control over?

That’s like being happy that you won a NASCAR race while you were sitting in the back seat and never touched the wheel.

You don’t get credit for that. You didn’t ACHIEVE anything because you happened to be there when the car crossed the finish line.

Some guys KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THE CAR across the finish line. Some guys ENJOY driving the car over the finish line.

That doesn’t mean they know how to do it 100% of the time with 100% of the women.

It means that it isn’t LUCK when it happens. It’s applied skill & technique.

Look at it from the reverse angle.. What about prostitution? 😀 haha What good is a prostitute if she doesn’t KNOW how to get the john/trick off? o_O

none

So just like there are women who know what they’re doing, there are men who know what they’re doing.

Drive the car. Win the race. Get the trophy.

Clear Mechanism

In the present experiment, we hypothesized that women’s orgasms specifically function as a masculinity achievement for men.

To test this, we randomly assigned 810 men (M age = 25.44, SD = 8.31) to read a vignette where they imagined that an attractive woman either did or did not orgasm during a sexual encounter with them.

uh oh 😀 hahaha

Where did they get these dudes? o_O

Did they interview any Hunters, or only back-seat drivers who hope they’re passively sitting in the back seat of the right car to win the race?

Here’s the first issue: “an attractive woman”

Notice how they entirely excluded unattractive women?

You know why that is? 😀 Because if the chick isn’t attractive (to the particular dude who wants to hit it and is being studied), nobody gives a flying **** whether she came or not.

See, they don’t want to discuss that part.

There is a percentage of women who are outside the attractiveness range of the dudes being studied. As soon as you venture into that territory, your entire “study” falls apart. “Do you care if she got off?” “Nope.” end of study.

The second issue here is “either did or did not orgasm”

Whose fault is THAT? o_O

It’s *YOUR* fault if you know what you’re doing.

It’s only luck if you’re back-seat driving. (no pun intended)

If you don’t know what female orgasm looks like, sounds like, and feels like, you’re going to *WONDER* after the fact if she got off.

Basically, it’s like asking someone in California if there was an earthquake today.

Veteran Californians will say yes there was, but it was only a minor tremor.

New Yorkers will say no there wasn’t because they aren’t sensitive to movements of the Earth like that.

Unless the books fell off the shelves, New Yorkers won’t be aware that anything even happened.

So the study is asking the wrong question.

Nobody cares if she ACCIDENTALLY got off. You don’t get any credit for that.

none

The question is whether a) you know what the **** you’re doing when you hook up with a chick, b) you applied your skills to the best of your abilities, and c) whether she went where you wanted to take her or not.

THIS is why women’s orgasms are most definitely a male achievement.

Credit for learning how to drive and then winning the race.

No credit for serendipitously riding in the back seat of a car that HAPPENS to win the race on its own.

Participants then rated their sexual esteem and the extent to which they would feel masculine after experiencing the given situation.

Our results showed that men felt more masculine and reported higher sexual esteem when they imagined that a woman orgasmed during sexual encounters with them, and that this effect was exacerbated for men with high masculine gender role stress.

These results suggest that women’s orgasms do function—at least in part—as a masculinity achievement for men.

See? This is what I’m talking about. 😀

These are 800 dudes who have no idea what they’re doing.

How is your self-esteem supposed to improve when you do something you already knew you could do? o_O

I’ve been to McDonald’s probably thousands of times.

Do I feel increased self-esteem when I walk into McDonald’s and order food?

hellz no I don’t. It’s regular.

It’s just a thing to do. You eat there or you eat at Wendy’s or Burger King and what difference does it make?

Have you ARRIVED because you ate at McDonald’s?

Do you see people posting pictures of themselves posing in front of McDonald’s as if they’re at The Eiffel Tower?

no

Why not?… Because they’re used to it.

Self-Esteem boosts occur when something happens THAT YOU WEREN’T EXPECTING.

If you didn’t practice for the NASCAR race and then you won it, you get a boost.

If you’ve been driving for 20 years and then finally win a race, yes you’re happy about that and you’ve achieved something, but you tried just as hard and had just as much skill in previous races and didn’t come in 1st. You probably won’t come in 1st next race either. This is your time to shine and it’s a beautiful thing, but you applied your skills and things worked out the way you expected / anticipated / hoped.

So if you weren’t instrumental in CAUSING her to orgasm, what is it that you feel proud about? o_O

OTOH, if you didn’t try and she didn’t make it, what is it that you feel sad about?

I need to see this actual test to find out if they asked these people whether they even know how women’s orgasms work in the first place.

Women’s orgasms are promoted as symbols of sexual liberation and satisfaction, and have become one of the ultimate indicators of a (heterosexual) woman’s healthy sex life (Opperman, Braun, Clarke, & Rogers, 2014).

What kind of stupid statement is this? o_O

What’s the parenthesis for?

Lesbians like to cum too. Who are these people that made this nonsense up?

As such, media messages on how to give women orgasms, receive them, and make them more frequent, more mind-blowing, and more multiple, are abundant. This seems positive, as it suggests that sexual discourse has successfully shifted from a historically male-centered perspective to one that celebrates pleasure and sexual liberation for women.

Despite increasing focus on women’s orgasms, research indicates that the increased attention to women’s orgasms may also serve men’s sexuality, complicating conceptualizations of women’s orgasms as women-centric (Nicolson & Burr, 2003 Nicolson, P., & Burr, J. (2003).

As far as the first statement, *ANY* education that men receive on how to be better drivers is an advantage for women and should be celebrated by them because they’re more likely to win the race.

That is DEFINITELY a positive thing. It has nothing to do with shifting discourses or what reader TW refers to as “societal evolution”.

The next sentence is what messes women up.

MIND. YOUR. OWN. BUSINESS!!! 😀

If the dude gets something out of getting you off, that’s none of your business.

On top of that, he isn’t going to TELL YOU that’s what he’s doing even if you ask him.

Focus on whether you’re having a good time or not and don’t worry about his motives which you’ll never find out about anyway.

There are lots of reasons why dudes would want to become better drivers.

The more you win the race the more you GET to race. Capisce? 😀

The happier your woman is, the happier she makes you.

Maybe your ONLY interest is making her happy, which is fantastic. Good for you. (and her)

Focusing on a motive serves no purpose other than taking women out of their own game.

Imagine the NASCAR owner *NOT* hiring a driver because he feels like winning the race….

Imagine an olympic team not fielding the best athletes because of some reason that has nothing to do with winning the olympics.

People are disqualified at the olympics for CHEATING. They are NOT disqualified because they’re running for personal glory instead of the welfare of the country that sent them.

For example, men have stated that a woman’s orgasm is one of their most sexually satisfying experiences, describing feelings of confidence and accomplishment in connection to female partner orgasm occurrence (Braun, Gavey, & McPhillips, 2003; Salisbury & Fisher, 2014). This could further demonstrate positive shifts in sexual discourse by evidencing men’s enthusiastic participation in women’s sexual pleasure, but research points to more self-interested motivations.

In fact, it’s both.

The men who are interested in satisfying their women achieve an increased ability to please them.

The men who are driving are winning the race.

This study, understandably because of Loser Society, totally disregards the guys whose GOAL it is for the woman to get off.

Some people don’t arrive at the soccer field to play. They arrive to win. If they don’t intend to win, there’s no point in playing.

There is no “getting lucky”. They put in work and achieve the desired result (often multiple times per session) or they don’t.

Let’s go back to the point I was making about the study not including unattractive (to the particular subject, attractiveness is entirely subjective) women.

If the dude isn’t attracted to the chick, there’s a percentage chance he doesn’t want to hit it at all.

howboudah

These people are acting like there’s some kind of biological imperative here when in fact if that were the case, *ANY* chick would do because all the guy was trying to do is attempt procreation.

So he isn’t hooking up with any of the chicks in this supposed study for NO reason. He’s there for A reason, which is whatever his self-interested motivation is.

Soup Kitchens serve the homeless.

You don’t go to a soup kitchen and then refuse the food with the excuse “You’re only doing this because you feel like it”

For instance, heterosexual women have stated that, while they enjoy orgasms, their desire to experience orgasm mainly rests on a concern for their male partner’s feelings and perceptions as a good lover (Lavie & Willig, 2005; Nicolson & Burr, 2003; Salisbury & Fisher, 2014). Studies have also found that many women fake orgasms to please their male partners, highlighting that women sometimes prioritize their male partner’s ego over communicating their own sexual desires (Roberts, Kippax, Waldby, & Crawford, 1995).

Wait a minute. 😀

Time out

WHOSE FAULT IS THAT???

“I went to the soup kitchen and then they didn’t give me enough food and then I pretended that I was full so they would feel like they were doing their job.”

Whose fault is it that YOU went hungry because YOU didn’t TELL THEM you want more than you got? o_O

What sense does this make?:

1) dude doesn’t know what he’s doing
2) chick doesn’t TELL DUDE he isn’t making it happen for her
3) even worse, chick pretends that he DID make it happen for her
4) dude feels proud and accomplished because he doesn’t know WHAT THE **** HE’S DOING so he actually takes her word for it that she came when she didn’t
5) dude pridefully hits it again in the same weak fashion and return to (2)

I see what they’re trying to say. They’re saying that women sacrifice physical orgasms for the guy’s mental pleasure. They would rather have him believe he put in work and feel good about himself than INFORM HIM HOW TO PUT IN WORK so she can feel great herself on a regular basis.

Also, because they believe in equality, they think this mentality has something to do with how males think or act.

nope

As soon as you get hit with the teeth, it’s time to instruct or retreat.

Loser Society dictates that everybody wins.

When women hand out Participation Awards to men that are WACK, these dudes never improve and neither do the women’s sex lives.

In addition, men have reported that they experience disappointment when their female partner does not orgasm, but state that they would be reluctant to induce a woman’s orgasm with a vibrator because of worries of their own personal inadequacy (Salisbury & Fisher, 2014.

I would like for you to read that sentence a few times in the context of what we’ve just been discussing. 😀

There are two kinds of disappointment.

1) I tried my best and it didn’t work

2) I don’t know WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON HERE but somehow she didn’t cum

……..

Regardless of how great you are at driving, ultimately orgasms are a *mental* achievement for women, not physical.

It isn’t like typing the right button sequence to create the GoldenEye bighead cheat code.

You can type the cheat code all you like and if she’s furious with you because the lights have been turned off for a week, you aren’t going to be able to make it because she’s mentally not focused on getting off.

If she doesn’t go and you don’t know why, that’s because you were counting on luck and not skill.

Part of your skill is knowing when she is and isn’t ready to go.

People refer to it as “in the mood”, but they think it’s based on the vernal equinox or cycles of the Moon or some nonsense.

Nope. She’s either interested or she isn’t and you either know what you’re doing or you don’t.

So if you put in your best work and you know damned well you typed A B A B up down L R A B and she still didn’t go, there’s nothing to feel disappointed about because you did the best you could FOR HER with your PARTICULAR KNOWLEDGE of what she likes.

If you tried a code that worked on some other chick, you’re a fool for thinking it was going to work to begin with.

The disappointment these 800 Herbs in the experiment experienced was like when you scratch off the silver parts of the ticket and don’t win a prize.

This is why the next sentence is so funny

“State that they would be reluctant to induce a woman’s orgasm with a vibrator because of worries of their own personal inadequacy.”

Let’s see….

You already spent between a few seconds and a few hours trying to make her go and you don’t *ALREADY* feel inadequate? 😀 hahahaha

What is some vibrating plastic (or whatever they make vibrators out of) going to do to your self esteem?

Did the vibrator push you to the side and say “LET *ME* HANDLE THIS!!! :D”

It’s really stupid. The plastic has nothing to do with this situation. You know what you’re doing or you don’t. It worked or it didn’t. She’s willing to tell you how to make her go or she isn’t.

On top of that, by the time the vibrator is requested, both parties already know she isn’t satisfied yet.

Is it your ingenious plan that leaving her dissatisfied will get you to a better predictable future than satisfying her with electricity?

If so, you’re a fool.

There’s no shame in not knowing what you’re doing. Strive to improve yourself and do better next time. If you’re not attempting to increase your, I don’t know, orgasm-percentage then you have no right to feel disappointed or sad because you came back to the table with the same lame skills you had last time.

Overall, it appears that men may be more concerned about their role in women’s pleasure than they are about women’s pleasure itself. Together, this seems to indicate that although sexuality discourse has shifted to promote women’s orgasms, it has not shifted from a male-centric perspective.

You’re talking about men. Of course their view is going to be male-centric because that’s what we are.

The error is in trying so damned hard to make people the exact same when we aren’t. Stop doing that and you’ll be able to see more clearly.

Imagine a woman asking her husband if the only reason he hits it is because he wants her to achieve orgasm.

If that’s all he wanted, he could save his time by handing her the vibrator and leaving.

This whole thing is so stupid. 😀

Given conflicting messaging about women’s orgasms, we are faced with a question: How do women’s orgasms, despite being promoted as being for women, play into a sexuality discourse that still prioritizes men?

Here’s how they play in. It’s called MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

Women have enough trouble getting orgasms AT ALL, much less trying to figure out some worthless theories about why the dude did what he did.

Mind your own business. Nobody’s going to tell you anyway.

How many times have we heard of the situation where a dude is screwing one chick while he has his eyes closed thinking about a different chick? 😀 Does he actually TELL HER THAT? Nope. Doesn’t happen. Won’t ever happen. It isn’t worth thinking about.

On top of that, discussions about sexuality can’t prioritize men unless the people involved prioritize men.

Nobody’s telling women they can’t request more action after not receiving an orgasm except OTHER WOMEN.

Nobody’s telling women they can’t tell dudes “That could have been better” or give them SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS on what they can do to get her off.

Women can’t even find out why men are attracted to them in the first place, much less why they had sex with them.

The dude knows it’s her ass and then when asked, he’ll say it’s her eyes.

101

I hit it because you look like my ex.
I hit it because I didn’t have anything better to do.
I hit it because you asked me to.
I hit it because several of the fellaz have been talking about you and I wanted to find out how it was.
I hit it because you’re rich and I want to live off of you.
I hit it because I had already gotten laid earlier and I wanted to see if I could bag two chicks in the same day.

Y’all. Are. Not. Going. To. Hear. *ANY*. Of. Those. Things. Ever. In. Your. Lives.

So if you don’t know why the dude talked to you in the first place, you don’t know why he asked you out on a date, you don’t know why he suggested (or agreed) to be your boyfriend, you don’t know why he bought you a ring, and you don’t know why he married you, what business is it of yours WHY he’s having sex with you?

And even if you ask, how easy is it for him to cover up instead of telling you the truth?

[Continued in Part 02]

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