[Continued from Part 01]
Sexual scripts are internalized cultural guidelines that influence how people interpret, understand, and behave in sexual contexts.
They are notably gendered: Men are expected to express masculinity through sexual assertiveness, control, high sexual desire, and a high number of sexual partners, while women are expected to display femininity through sexual restraint and limitations on sexual access (Gagnon & Simon, 1973; Weiderman, 2005).
Typically, sexual scripts have ignored the role of women’s pleasure, as women are portrayed as uninterested in sex (Wiederman, 2005).
wait wait wait. 😀 We’re going way off the rails, here.
As we discussed in Part 01, “scripts” are irrelevant if nobody follows them.
Don’t worry about what the script says. Worry about what you feel like doing and whether you’re doing that or doing something else.
I think the key word in the first sentence is “internalized”. If you don’t internalize it, it doesn’t mean anything to you at all.
It’s like how some people live their lives every day demeaning themselves and their friends by referring to each other as pieces of shit and other formats of degenerate lowlives… If YOU believe you’re a POS, you can’t be helped because that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You act stupid and then people punish you for acting stupid and then you feel sad that you got punished so you act stupid because of it and you never escape the cycle until you die as the POS you talked yourself into being.
Unnatural scripts become internalized when you are unwilling or unable to do the mental work to figure out what YOU think is important and how YOU want to live.
The sooner you figure this out, the better, because you’ll be on the road to wellness.
How about instead of utilizing every breath to exacerbate how shitty your life is, you stop doing that and regard yourself as a worthwhile human being, carry yourself as such, and live the life that people offer to you when they consider you to be an ingrouper instead of an outgrouper?
This is another downside of Loser Society. If the kids in your school are idiots and you’re smart, go ahead and be smart because at the end of the day, all the rest of those kids are heading down a dead-end road.
Instead, in order to be popular, smart kids pretend to be stupid, mess up in school, get poor grades, don’t get the good education they were destined to have, and then spend the rest of their lives miserable that they’re working for minimum wage or not at all because nobody told them where following dummies was going to land them.
So scripts are worthless. They’re worthwhile when you’re a child and you don’t know any better. It’s good that you BELIEVE that the pot handle is hot so you shouldn’t touch it. That will save you pain. If you don’t believe it and touch the hot pan handle then you’ll learn anyway, but via your own suffering. When you become an adult, you have to reassess and decide what you want to do on your own. This is where we get back to the topic at hand…
“Women are expected to display femininity through sexual restraint and limitations on sexual access”
Expected by whom? and what difference does it make what somebody expects when you’re the one that has to live YOUR life?
We’ve all seen the cognitive dissonance this leads to. It’s the chick that pretends that she doesn’t know what she’s doing when she’s drunk, always gives it up when she’s drunk, always claims to have only given it up BECAUSE she was drunk, and then does the exact same thing next weekend and then tries to blame YOU for not babysitting a grown-ass woman who likes to get drunk and pretend that screwing isn’t her decision.
That’s all scripts get you. People having psychological dramas because they don’t want to live that way but are scared to death to admit it to themselves or to other people.
No. Sorry. You’re transparent. The first time I tell you that you did this this and that when you were drunk, you have the choice to stop getting drunk or accept who you are when you’re drunk.
It’s my job as your friend to tell you who you become when you’re drunk. It is NOT my job to babysit you and stop you from what you obviously WANT TO DO because you kept drinking and hooking up after I told you you hook up when you get drunk.
“Sexual scripts have ignored the role of women’s pleasure, as women are portrayed as uninterested in sex”
Who made this up? 😀 Do you know?
Where are these women that are disinterested in sex? 😀
All I can tell you is that women are disinterested in sex with people they don’t feel like having sex with.
Other than that, it’s off to the races.
Here we go again.. Look how stupid this “study” is. First they say that women should be mad that men are giving them orgasms for the man’s pleasure of driving her to orgasm. Second, they say that women are portrayed as being disinterested in having orgasms. We can conclude this because you can’t have an orgasm without sex… technically… 😀 hahaha Women having orgasms without direct physical stimulation is beyond the scope of this series. 😀
So which one is it? Are men NOT paying attention to women’s orgasms because they believe women don’t even want them, or are men OVERLY interested in women’s orgasms because it’s an achievement for them to make that happen?
If you know any women, you know that they aren’t automatically-orgasmic. Somebody or Something has to make that happen for them, even if it’s themselves and The Rabbit or whatever.
So who cares about a script of women not being interested in sex when you know damned well that women are not only interested in sex but they’re interested in GOOD, FULFILLING sex?
“Men are expected to express masculinity through sexual assertiveness, control, high sexual desire, and a high number of sexual partners”
Where’s the study talking about what’s “expected” of men and what they can actually provide? o_O
The credit I’ll give to that sentence is that it causes a lot of guys to seek therapy.
When you create a script that says guys are dominant, the guys that are NOT dominant experience psychological trauma.
I was in a store and a chick struck up a conversation with me by saying she thought I was a security guard.
I was buying beer and a different chick struck up a conversation with me by talking about the brand of beer I was buying.
That’s how my life goes. I appear and chicks want to talk to me.
Meanwhile, there are A LOT OF DUDES that can’t get a decent conversation from a chick no matter what they do. Buy a house. Buy a Porsche. Spray-tan themselves. Buy a yacht. Earn a million dollars. Work out. Mix a hit record… Whatever they do, they can’t get ONE decent conversation out of a chick and they’re seething and vindictive because of it.
I guarantee you right now that women want to have sex. It’s just that they want to have sex with the guys (or gals, if they’re into that) that they’re interested in. It’s really that simple. It’s a numbers game and there’s nothing you can do about it. You were chosen or you weren’t.
So by telling guys that they’re supposed to be able to hunt and bag women, those that can’t are going to seek therapy because they’re wondering what’s wrong with them when there’s NOTHING wrong with them and when they meet a chick that is ACTUALLY attracted to them, things happen faster than they’ll want them to. Until that time, they’re going to continue to smash their heads against brick walls and rarely make it through, thus the term “getting lucky”.
However, evidence indicates that men’s sexual script is increasingly characterized by proficient sexual skill that is defined by an ability to provide women with sexual pleasure and orgasm (Braun et al., 2003; Gilfoyle, Wilson, & Brown, 1992; Potts, 1998, 2000).
For example, women’s orgasms are often described as something that results from men’s sexual skill (Potts, 2002), and they are often framed as something that men “give” to women via their sexual proficiency (Gilfoyle et al., 1992).
Let me be clear….. This is *NOT* what I was saying in Part 01 about men driving women.
Women’s orgasms are psychological. They’re entirely internally-based and entirely specific to each woman as far as how they’re produced and experienced.
Yes, there is a physical stimulation component. It’s nowhere near as important or powerful as her own mental and emotional component that she brings with her to the situation, takes with her FROM the situation, and has nothing to do with the person or item that “gave her” the orgasm.
The ability to give a woman an orgasm and the ability to hit a 95mph fastball are the same. They’re learned skills.
I’ve never hit a professionally-thrown pitch, but I’ve played baseball. If the pitcher was throwing so hard that I was swinging late, I knew I had to commit before I actually wanted to swing.
Meaning that at my level of ability, by the time I saw the ball, gauged the speed, gauged whether it was going to be a strike or not if I didn’t hit it, gauged what part of the plate it was going to go over, gauged whether it was coming in straight or curving, and gauged whether I wanted to try to hit the ball down, across, or up, and then started to swing, it was too late. I would hear the *SMACK* of the ball in the catcher’s glove before my bat even reached the plate and I was swinging at air.
The only solution was to guess. I had to guess that the pitcher was going to believe that he could throw it over the plate for a strike, and why not because I swing too slow to make contact. I had to pretend as if I already knew it was going to be a strike. I had to start swinging before I made all those calculations. My bat had to be there before I was ready for it to be there because anything else would be too late.
Sometimes, that resulted in ground balls. Sometimes that resulted in pop flies. Sometimes (rarely) that resulted in home runs. Didn’t matter. My options were to hit the ball or swing at the air.
Having said all that, you can’t hit a ball that’s never pitched. The pitch is her mental and emotional state. Do situations occur when women have orgasms without being in the mood to? Of course, but that isn’t the result you’re aiming for.
Women have had orgasms while riding horses. What does that say about your skill at hitting fastballs?
Part of the skill of giving women orgasms has nothing to do with physicality and everything to do with your making her feel comfortable enough to express herself completely and do HER THING with your assistance.
Research has evidenced that men perform sexual script behaviors presumably to reinforce perceptions of their masculinity and, moreover, that such behaviors boost men’s self-esteem.
For example, a number of scholars have shown that achieving and claiming to have had heterosexual sexual experiences is an important route to status among adolescent male peer groups (Flood, 2008); Holland, Ramazanaglu, & Sharpe, 1994; Kimmel, 1994; Messner, 1992) and that men’s self-esteem increases when they have sexual experiences with a new female partner (Baumeister & Tice, 2001).
Elements of this are true, but they have the impetus backwards.
“Men perform sexual script behaviors presumably to reinforce perceptions of their masculinity”
If you’re actually doing this, you have a problem. There’s no such thing as “act like a man” unless you’re a child pretending to be an adult.
There’s nothing to reinforce when you’re aware of who you are.
I’m an American. My father was an American. My grandfather was an American. I don’t give a flying **** what anybody else thinks.
I have no reason to *prove* I’m not Chinese because I’m not.
Meanwhile, if you’re perpetrating activities to prove that you’re a man, you might not be.
If you screw a chick to prove that you like screwing chicks, you have a psychological problem.
It doesn’t work that way. It works the other way. You do what you like doing, and what you like doing categorizes you.
I live in New York. I don’t live in Los Angeles. That makes me a New Yorker. I don’t have to pretend to be from L.A.
I’m from the North, not the South. I’m from the USA, not Canada. I’m from North America, not South America. These are all facts. There’s nothing for me to prove via thoughts or actions. History has already been written.
So if you need a “perception of masculinity”, you have a mental problem.
“Achieving and claiming to have had heterosexual sexual experiences is an important route to status among adolescent male peer groups”
This is true, but the ACHIEVING part is more important than the CLAIMING part.
People who know me from college alum.MIT.edu/www/BillCammack know that I DID NOT have a car. I had a BMX bicycle and eventually a mountain bike.
They also know I bagged more chicks than dudes that owned cars because I’m me and they aren’t.
Did I ride my bike from MIT over to Emerson, Simmons, and Boston University? Yes I did.
Did I take the bus to Wellesley? Yes I did.
Did I travel with friends who owned cars to Harvard, Tufts, NorthEastern, Boston College, and a bunch of other schools I forget? Yes I did.
So yes. Proficiency with women is a heralded trait amongst adolescent peer groups.
Was I the most proficient in my crew? Hellz Naw! 😀 haha
There were lots of times that I sat back and took notes as I watched the real operators operate. There were times I lost opportunities to hook up because the chick was swept away by a senior crew member who she was more attracted to.
There were rare times that I bagged chicks that dudes higher than me in the food chain wanted, which at the time was a source of happiness and pride for me as retribution for the chicks I had lost to them! 😀 hahaha
It was all in good fun and sport.
The next day, we would all wake up and try again.
Research demonstrates that men generally tend to “round up” their estimate of sexual partners (Brown & Sinclair, 1999; Smith, 1992; Weiderman, 1997; 2005).
This is true until you get to a certain point.
Ask yourself this question… “How many times have I been to McDonald’s?”
If you came up with an actual number, you haven’t been to McDonald’s very much at all.
Similarly, if you know how many times you’ve had sex, you haven’t had much sex at all.
There’s a bunch more stuff in this “study” and you can go read it if you like, tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1283484 but my boredom has overtaken my curiosity at this point, so I’m going to wrap this up.
There’s ZERO value in hypothesizing about something that you don’t have any concrete data for.
You will *NEVER* have concrete data for the question “Why did that dude screw that chick?” because the range is from “I was supernaturally attracted to her and God informed me I should have sex with her” to “I know she’s ugly, but check out that fat ass”.
Since you will never know this, you will never know a dude’s motivation for giving a woman an orgasm. In fact, you will never know whether he achieved that accidentally or not because most dudes don’t even know what THE **** they’re doing when they touch a woman.
Without that information, you can’t rally women to be sad or mad or however they want to feel because a guy felt like screwing them for his own personal reasons, whether that was because he was physically attracted to her or he just wanted to hear how it sounds when she cums.
Are women’s orgasms a masculinity achievement for men? Yes, for those men who need masculinity achievements to prove to themselves that they’re men, which means that they’re probably not.
How would you feel as a butcher if a woman came to your store, bought food from you, cooked it, and her family didn’t enjoy the experience?.. You would feel like a failure (unless you felt like she can’t cook properly).
That’s the same way you would feel if your goal in hooking up with a chick is for BOTH OF YOUSE to have an excellent experience and you weren’t willing or able to provide that for her. A failure.
If you think about the opposite of this study, dudes that hook up with chicks without giving a flying **** whether they she gets off or not, women are going to be mad about that too.
You can’t have both.
You have to be mad at the dude for fully intending to give her an orgasm and knowing damned well how to do it, OR you have to be mad at the dude for not caring and leaving her sexual gratification entirely up to chance.
Knowing what to do and making it happen is most definitely an achievement.
If you’re worried about the motives of the provider of your orgasm(S), you have a psychological problem and should seek mental help.
He isn’t going to tell you. If he tells you, he’s going to lie. He’s going to frame it as the nonsense you learned as a child from watching romantic movies.
If he knows how to drive you where you need to go, he definitely knows how to lie to you because lying is much much much much easier than giving women orgasms.
If you have a situation where you’re getting everything you want from a dude and some corny magazine is going to offer you reasons why you should be mad instead of glad about that, you will get exactly what you deserve for being deceived by them.