Over the past 3 weeks, I needed background chatter while I was doing some IRL work, so I ended up listening to a lot of people give a lot of opinions about the same topic.
Some people were smart. Some were dumb. Some were educated (which is different from smart). Some were uneducated. Some had jobs. Some didn’t. Some had women. Some didn’t.
After a while of this, I realized that as I considered all the information these disparate people had presented me, all I personally had was a bunch of complaints and no feasible action plan.
I found this odd, and then started specifically searching for content where someone, ANYONE had offered a viable plan to cure their desperation.
Nobody has one. Not one.
They’re all these far-fetched, fantasy-laden ideas that if if if if and IF this and that, THEN we can win.
This has to do more to drive these people deeper into their depression than to offer them a life preserver out of it.
Hearing no viable solutions presented by the content creators, I decided to run with the concept on my own.
If I had the problem they perceive themselves as having, how would I strive to change the situation?
I came up with my solutions extremely quickly, having heard all the complaints possible from everyone who had offered an opinion.
The ease with which I came up with solutions to their problems indicates that they aren’t looking for actual solutions. They just want to complain, bitch, and moan about things and have people recognize that they’re alive.
Also, I’m not talking about one person making content this month and a different person making content the next month. I’m talking about at least 10 people who have been discussing the same so-called “problem” for several years, documented by their online content, and a few people who have been discussing this situation for decades.
10, 20, 30 years of complaining, and nothing.
Meanwhile, I have the solutions from listening to whining bitching and moaning for 3 weeks.
The problem in this scenario is that it’s better for them to keep bitching than to actually attempt to enact any of their solutions.
I didn’t say they didn’t have any plans. I said they didn’t have any VIABLE plans.
My solutions to their problems are dependent on several variables which ALL have to be met or the plan doesn’t work.
If I figured this out in 3 weeks, they must have also, or they must have tried what they said and already failed.
Either way, complaining is better than acting because you can still pretend you could have won if you had acted.
Let’s say their problem was that they can’t dunk a basketball on a regulation court (which I personally can’t! haha).
It’s better for them to say they’re too short or they don’t have enough hops (ability to jump vertically) or they don’t have enough time to practice or they aren’t able to work out their legs than it is for them to take an actual basketball, go to a court, and see how close they can get to stuffing the ball in the basket.
If you try to dunk and you can’t, you may have to admit to yourself that you’ll never dunk in your entire life. o_O
If you keep making excuses, you can fool yourself into believing that if you would have studied or tried or worked out or taken vitamins and supplements that one day you would have dunked.
Reality is often too painful for people to face, so they’d rather live with their fantasies.
They’d rather always be “almost there” than know for sure they have no chance at all.
This is a form of escapism, similar to drug addiction.
As I said, I think this can only lead to descent into lower rings of Hades for these people, as the feeling “I will be able to dunk one day” can’t save you from the knowledge that you’ve never actually dunked in your life, though you really want to.
Plan The Action
Let’s say your problem is you can’t get a girl.
There are certain things you might to have to do, such as look better, dress better, get into better physical shape, go places where women are likely to want to chat with guys they don’t already know, hire a dating coach, move to a different neighborhood or city, learn how to dance, learn massage techniques, learn how to hold your liquor, get female friends that will introduce you to other chicks, attend apartment parties…
It all depends on what the reason is why you’re currently successful. There’s either a quick solution to this or there isn’t. You either know how to dig yourself out of that hole or you don’t.
There’s no point in complaining if you aren’t seeking help.
I’ll tell you right now that you won’t get any chicks by bitching online that you can’t get any chicks.
It could be self-help where you read books, watch videos, listen to podcasts, hit the gym, whatever.
It could be professional help, such as psychological therapy or hiring someone who knows what he’s doing to show you how it’s done properly.
You have to figure out the goal, assess the problem, decide on possible solutions, then implement a plan to get you where you need to be.
You can’t afford to bitch without implementation.
The point of your bitching should be to get the issues out on the table so you can arrange them into categories you can attack.
If you aren’t going to attack your problem, you may as well stay TF quiet.
Merit & Hades
Let’s say your problem is you think you deserve OTHER PEOPLE’S women. 😀
There’s an obvious problem with that off the bat.
If you deserved her, you would have her. o_O
So first of all, you have to change the way you approach the problem.
Admit that you’re sad that dudes you think you’re better than are screwing the chicks you wish you could screw.
Already we’re into rough psychological waters here, but it’s the only way you’ll figure out your problem.
If you keep pretending you’re better at pulling chicks than certain people who are pulling the chicks you wish you could have pulled, you’ll never improve your skills enough to ever have a chance.
Delving into bitching, moaning, alcoholism, and drug addiction isn’t the way to go.
That’s going to make you LESS desirable to the chicks you’re trying to bag.
The first step to your recovery is to admit you just aren’t winning against the guys that are winning.
Once you figure that out, you can create an action plan of how you’re eventually going to be able to compete favorably with the winners for the chicks you want.
Instead of doing this tough mental work, people often go in the exact opposite direction. 😀
They take the mentally submissive route of “If those winners didn’t exist, I would be able to have their women.”
There are all kinds of problems with this mental state, such as when I was talking about dunking.
If your solution to not being able to dunk is “If a regulation basket was 4 feet lower, I’d be able to dunk every day”, you’re killing yourself.
Nobody’s moving the regulation basket so you can feel accomplished without working for what you want.
Nobody’s removing the winners from the dating pool so chicks have to date you out of…. what? loneliness? boredom? lack of options? force via restriction of options?
How does any of this make you feel good about yourself as a human being?
How does any of this make you feel like a winner?
How does any of this make you feel like your chick isn’t getting laid by dudes she actually wants on the side while you financially support her lifestyle?
Again, this is one of those situations where dudes descend into the rings of hell, alcoholism, and drug abuse.
They’re fantasizing about something that’s never going to happen and even if it DID happen, they’d still know that they’re losers in a meritocracy.
1 or 0
What’s worse is that if you can’t pull chicks that guys you think you’re better than are pulling, that’s going to cause you to wonder why you thought you were better than they are in the first place.
I can’t play basketball AT ALL, comparatively. I know who I’m better than and who I’m not better than. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. That’s how a meritocracy works.
Complaining about a meritocracy exposes you as a loser because you’re saying that you can’t win based on your merit.
You’re way better off trying to win and failing instead of sitting around and complaining.
As they say: “It’s like Lotto. You have to be in it to win it.”
You can take 100 Ls and the 1 fantastic W you get outshines all of them.
1 out of 101 chicks is better than 0 out of 0 chicks.
(Assuming it’s a chick you actually want, but that’s a different topic because you’re not supposed to be trying to hook up with chicks you don’t want to hook up with.)
That goes for all the situations. If you really want to dunk and you miss 1,000 times and dunk once after hard work and perseverance, it’ll make your entire life because even though it doesn’t mean you can dunk all the time, it means you achieved a long-desired dream.
This is a way better mental state to be in than sitting around every day complaining that you can’t dunk because the basket is too high and you can’t pull chicks because undeserving dudes are getting all of them and you hate where you live and you hate your job and you hate your life…
This is the only life you’re getting, dude. Make something good out of it.
If you can’t actually attain any of your goals, at least be proud of yourself for trying.
Lead Toward The Win
Action is scary. 😀
If you actually do something, you run the risk of failing or gaining the reward of succeeding.
If you fail, you might have to mentally adjust your image of yourself.
If you fail, other people are going to adjust their image of you compared to the things you said you could do that they now know you can’t.
For some people, their image is all they have and they refuse to give that up.
As I said before, if that’s fulfilling to you, Great! 😀 More power to ya.
Otherwise, at some point, your words are going to have to become action.
If you’re going to complain, get it all out of the way early.
Maybe give yourself 3 months, depending on how long it takes you to create content.
Decide that you’re going to bitch and moan for 3 months and then you’re going to figure out solutions for 3 months and then you’re going to put plans into action for 3 months.
That way, by the end of the year, you will have more information about your situation than you had before, as far as whether what you’re trying to do is feasible or not, AND you won’t be complaining about the same thing next year that you were complaining about this year.
Don’t be that guy.
Don’t be the guy that’s still bitching about something that you could have done something about several years ago.
At the same time, if you know damned well that you don’t ever intend to act in your life, embrace your goal of being an online entity. A ghost in the machine.
There are people who get paid to peddle misery. You could be one of them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Be The Change
Personally, I’m a fan of action. Talk less and do more.
I’ve put in more hours editing video than most people. I’ve put in more hours mixing music than most people. I’ve put in more hours blogging than most people (including right this second).
I don’t have to talk about it because I AM about it.
The value of action is that you understand who you are as a person and what you can do for other people in a personal or professional context.
There’s no point in claiming you can dunk on the internet and then if you’re ever seen on a basketball court, you can’t make that happen in real life.
There’s no point in complaining about who’s getting the girls you want if you aren’t planning to do anything to improve yourself and your chances of winning against winners.
How many years in a row can you complain about the same thing without attempting to create viable, sustainable solutions to your perceived problem?
You’re not doing anybody any favors. You’re only making things worse for your subscribers.
If you don’t like where you live and you’ve been saying you want to move for 30 years and you’re still in the same place, you’re authoring dystopia for your readers.
If you haven’t been able to win for 3 decades, what makes them think THEY can win if they’re looking up to you?
Bitch, moan, gripe, get it out of your system, come up with ideas, make plans, try those plans, if they fail, go back to the drawing board and try something else.
Your job is to show your readers a way they can make their lives better, not show them what their lives are going to look like after decades of despair, if they live that long.