Readers Charles & Kimbell recently pointed out the concept of “Toxic Masculinity” to me.
I had heard the term before, but didn’t bother to research it because I figured it was just another one of these dumb things people make up attempting to explain situations they don’t understand.
I was right. 😀
According to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity:
The concept of toxic masculinity is used in the social sciences to describe traditional norms of behavior among men in contemporary American and European society that are associated with detrimental social and psychological effects. Such “toxic” masculine norms include dominance, devaluation of women, extreme self-reliance, and the suppression of emotions.
Conformity with certain traits viewed as traditionally male…
ok. 😀 We’re going to stop the definition right there.
This is the problem with the concept of Toxic Masculinity.
It only applies to people who are “conforming with certain traits viewed as traditionally male”.
What I mean by that is that if you have to act like a man, that means you aren’t one. o_O
Does that make sense?… If you have to act tough, that means you aren’t tough.
Dogs that bark a lot are often trying to scare you away because they don’t actually want to fight you.
Meanwhile, actual tough guys aren’t going to tell you what’s going to happen to you, you’re just going to get your block knocked off and get left there bleeding in the street.
So if you have to CONFORM with certain traits, that means you don’t naturally possess those traits and you are in fact an actor.
Let us envision dominance as a “toxic trait”. 😀
Why is it that burglars don’t arrive at your home and relieve you of all your stuff? 😀
It’s because the cops will arrest or kill them for it.
The cops are the largest and strongest local gang. They are tasked with maintaining the well-being of local society. Without them, you would have to back down criminals on your own.
So what is it that’s toxic about cops enforcing the law in your neighborhood? o_O
Yes, you’re going to have those “bad apples” who abuse their power and make the community worse instead of better. The issue, however, isn’t their dominance over the society, but actually what they choose to do with that dominance.
This is relevant to “toxic” masculinity because masculinity in and of itself is not toxic, just like being a cop doesn’t dictate that you’re going to be a creep.
Why should anyone NOT strive for domination if their goals are righteous or at least beneficial?
None of this makes any sense UNLESS you apply it to males who are attempting to act like men.
We’ll get to that later.
Devaluation of Women
I tried to Google this, but it was even more of a dead end than Googling “Toxic Masculinity”.
First of all, you can’t devalue women because males can’t make any more kids without females, so the Biological Imperative would go right out the window without females.
Maybe they mean the pay gap, which I never personally understood as I always went to elite schools and there were always girls scoring higher than I did on tests 😀 so I don’t get the idea that women aren’t as smart as men and they don’t deserve the exact same pay as men. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe they mean how women weren’t allowed to vote until 1920, when even slavery had been abolished in 1865.
Maybe they mean how dudes feel like it’s better to be a man than not.
I don’t have a clue. I’m just going to have to let this one slide. 😀
This is an interesting one.
Self-Reliance is obviously a stellar trait for ANYONE to have, a man or a woman.
I think what they mean by EXTREME self-reliance is how males are often unwilling to ask for help because it makes them look like they need help, which they need help so they should have asked for it.
I actually saw this happen IRL when a friend of mine was driving and he was obviously lost but he didn’t want to admit that he was lost! 😀 hahaha All this unnecessary driving occurred because he would rather keep looking cool and in control of the situation than pull over and figure out where TF we were and how to get where we actually wanted to go.
Obviously, when you pass the same gas station multiple times, the jig is up.
**THIS** could qualify as “toxic” because “extreme self-reliance” hurts EVERYBODY! 😀
The other passengers and myself were “hurt” because we got to our destination way later than if he would have admitted he didn’t know where TF he was.
HE was hurt because he had to be suffering the entire time knowing that I knew he didn’t know where TF he was going, but I just wasn’t saying anything so as not to embarrass him in front of the chicks.
Also, dudes are less likely to admit things to their close friends so they can talk about it and get it out of their system or get some help in deciding which direction they should go with a problem.
So I can see how this trait is “toxic”, but it still only applies to actors and not to actual men.
Suppression of Emotions
This, if it’s to be believed, is definitely “toxic”.
The idea here is that they’re saying that actors who conform to “Toxic Masculinity” feel free to express anger, but won’t express pain or sorrow.
For anyone who suppresses their emotions, I’ll tell you right now you should stop.
Sometimes, the only way to get through or past something is to express how hurt, sad, mad, or fucked up you feel about it to someone in your inner circle.
If you can’t get past it, it will perpetually impede your progress as a human being and your self-improvement.
Several years ago, a friend of mine was all broken up about his girlfriend of 5 years leaving him.
I’m very glad he contacted me about it. 😀
I listened to what he had to say and his friends had all told him basically fuck that bitch and you’ll feel better once you screw 5-10 new chicks.
[Insert “Facepalm Picard” Here]
When he was done, I asked him if sex was what he was going to miss the most about his girlfriend.
He said “no”.
I told him that’s what I thought, and that attempting to replace his intimate personal relationship with his girlfriend with sex with chicks he had NO relationship to wasn’t going to help him.
I’m glad he listened to me. 😀 He weathered the storm and is now several years into a relationship with a better chick who he’s really enjoying.
The point being that if he had tried to figure out the situation himself, he wouldn’t have made it.
His friends are a bunch of fucking amateurs that read too many internet blogs and don’t know too much about women.
Regardless of his level of embarrassment, failure, loserhood, whatever he was feeling, I’m glad he asked me for my opinion.
I told him the truth. You can’t replace a chick you actually like as a human being with a chick you don’t even know as a human being.
Getting a chick to spread her legs is the easy part. Interacting with a chick that you respect, love, and care about as a person is the tough part.
Suppressing your emotions and trying to figure things out on your own that you don’t possess the answers for is definitely toxic and degrades your quality of life.
Acting Like A Man
Sylvester Stallone is an actor.
You can’t go watch Rocky and then say to someone in real life “Hey moulie.. Buy my candy.” and have that actually work out well for you. 😀
[Moulie, a derogatory term for black people, is short for moulinyan, which is an Italian-American corruption of melanzane, the Italian word for eggplant.]
Similarly, if you aren’t a man, acting like a man isn’t going to work out for you. You have to be yourself. Be whoever it is that you actually are.
So now you’re thinking “I’m 30 years old. I’m automatically a man.”
No. In fact you are not.
Becoming a man involves rites of passage. Without passing essential tests, you’re merely an old male.
This is what people don’t understand, which is why they make up terms like “Toxic Masculinity”.
It has nothing to do with actual men and everything to do with males who have no idea of what it is to be a man so they “conform to certain traits viewed as traditionally male”.
Therefore, “Toxic Masculinity” has nothing to do with actual masculinity.
As an important side note, what I’m talking about in this article applies to females as well.
You don’t automatically graduate to woman because you get old. You’re merely an old female.
“Woman” is a designation of distinction and honor, just like “Man” is.
So when you see a chick doing stupid things although she’s older than a girl, do not attribute her behavior to what WOMEN do, but rather to what FEMALES do because she never evolved.
So if you have to tell someone “act like a man”, it’s because you’ve recognized that they aren’t innately men, but rather males.
If you say “Man Up” to a boy, that may or may not be a relevant and useful thing to say to him because a boy may not have been through the experiences and trials that would qualify him as a man yet so that isn’t fair.
The people who refuse to recognize the difference between males and men will continue to be confused about “Toxic Masculinity”.
Part of the issue here is the question of how males become men.
The people who made up “Toxic Masculinity” will tell you that it’s a bunch of choices that are made where people with no natural inclinations DECIDE to act a certain way, which is unnecessary so they can DECIDE to act a different way and society will be better.
In fact, becoming a man requires learning and adopting a set of principles and then adhering to them, plus whatever is added genetically and by exposure to family and friends.
This is why men can’t learn how to be a man from a woman, regardless of how fantastic she is.
For example, there are a lot of men who won’t hit a woman regardless of what she does.
Women know this and talk A LOT OF TRASH to men in front of their male children and nothing happens to those women.
These male children become old males (not men) and get into an altercation and talk the same trash they watched their mothers talk and then they get left bleeding in the street.
This is because they don’t realize that they don’t benefit from “Real Men Don’t Hit Women” because they are not women, which they don’t realize because they were raised by a woman and have nothing else to base their worldview on.
Personally, I was a badass when I was 8 years old. (earlier than that, actually) That was partially genetic and partially because of observing how my father handled his business and protected our family.
There’s a line drawn in the sand and if you cross it, you will receive consequences & repercussions.
Stay on your side of the line or else.
I’m not pretending. I’m not acting. I’m not conforming. I’m not confused about what it means to be a man. I was raised by a man who was raised by a man who was raised by a man.
But what happens when the chain is broken? o_O
As soon as you have a boy who is raised by a woman (or even worse, by a female), with zero quality male role models, that boy grows up with zero guidance as far as being a man.
How is it that you expect this old male to teach his son how to be a man? o_O
He can’t, because he doesn’t know.
It’s like if you have a kid with a chick who doesn’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re… How is she supposed to teach your kid English?
She can’t, because she doesn’t know English.
So as soon as the chain is broken, “manhood” becomes what these “Toxic Masculinity” people believe it is, which is a male pretending to act like a man because he has no innate understanding of what that means.
In the case of these male actors, 😀 my suggestion is that they stop trying to act like a man and just do whatever comes naturally to them.
If you’re not a tough guy, don’t try to act tough because all that’s going to do is get you hurt or worse.
If you’re not a naturally dominant person, be submissive. There’s nothing wrong with that. Be yourself.
If you’re not a playboy, have one girlfriend or wife or whatever.
If you feel like crying, cry your ass off.
If you feel like sharing your sorrows with your friends, do that.
What you’re missing is that this is what Real Men (and Real Women) do.
Real Men do TF what they want WHEN they want.
If a man feels like crying, why in the world wouldn’t he cry? o_O
“Toxic Masculinity” makes no sense because the essence of being a man or a woman as opposed to a male or a female is that you are self-determining… Autonomous.
Men don’t adhere or conform to anything other than their principles.
The only people who subscribe to “men don’t cry” aren’t actually men. They’re males.
Men cry when they feel like it. Men get angry when they feel like it. Men smile or laugh when they feel like it. Men screw college chicks when they feel like it (assuming she’s interested haha).
Because what are *you* going to do about it? o_O
Men have dominance over their own behavior.
How are you supposed to feel proud that you didn’t do what you felt like doing?
Where’s the win in not crying when you felt like it?
Who does that? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ghost In The Shell
So now that we understand the difference between males and men & females and women, let’s examine “Toxic Masculinity” amongst actors.
Males who pretend to be men have got to be the absolute worst because they don’t know what they’re doing, yet they’re held up as representative examples of masculinity.
If you know anything about the game of baseball, imagine a baseball player stepping to the plate and hitting a single, except the way he was taught baseball, you’re supposed to run to 3rd base instead of 1st base.
[Insert “Facepalm Picard” Here]
This idiot is going to be presented as an example of how men don’t know how to play baseball when actually he’s an example of a male IMPROPERLY TAUGHT how to be a man.
For example.. I was offered cigarettes and alcohol when I was in elementary school. I wasn’t interested, so I declined. I’m a trendSETTER, not a follower, so after a couple of tries, kids quit offering me stuff and took “no” for an answer.
I was still cooler than them and had more friends than them even though smoking was a cool thing.
This is because I know who I am and I know what my support system is.
As much pressure as you might be able to bring against me to do something I don’t want to do, I can bring magnitudes more against you to force you to cease & desist.
For some people, the manifestation of this is bullying. They use the power they have for chaotic evil and strive to take advantage of anyone they can.
For other people, the manifestation of this is protection. They use the power they have for lawful good and defend their friends against bullies.
Whether masculinity is “toxic” or not does not depend on one’s innate strength of character, but rather the vector upon which it is applied.
You can’t low-rate actual men because of males who are pretending to be men.
Similarly, you can’t low-rate women because of females who claim womanhood without merit.
Anybody pretending to be anything is going to be a caricature or perversion of that actual thing.
You hold the door for people because that’s an innate principle of yours.
You give someone proper directions when they’re lost in your city because that’s an innate principle of yours.
If you don’t have any innate principles, there’s nothing wrong with that, but then you have to be whatever it is that you actually are and stop pretending to be something else.
Being Who You Are
Having said all that, the point they’re trying to make is a valid one.
If you’re a male trying to act like a man, being a creep towards women is not a part of that game.
If you’re a male trying to act like a man, suppressing your feelings isn’t a part of that game.
I’ve seen a man cry when his relative went to jail.
I’ve seen a man cry when his mother died.
Both of those dudes will leave you face down in the dirt if that’s what you need because suppressing emotions has nothing to do with being a man.
The toughest guys you know, you don’t know that they’re tough guys because they have nothing to prove to you.
What you think has nothing to do with their self-esteem.
A man does the best he can for himself and his friends, as does a woman.
There’s nothing toxic about masculinity other than the misguided attempt to be something that someone actually isn’t.
ZERO men will be persuaded to stop being men.
I’m an American. You will never be able to persuade me that I’m Chinese.
What these people are trying to change about society is valid.
The way they’re going about it is not.
Being a jerk towards women has nothing to do with manhood or masculinity or whatever you want to call it.
There’s nothing wrong with being a male and not a man. Don’t bother trying to emulate what you aren’t.
There’s nothing wrong with having no honor and no principles. Trying to pretend like you do is only going to get you in trouble.
There’s nothing wrong with not having a father to learn from. That’s the plight of a high percentage of American males at this point in time, so you’re part of a club with a lot of members.
There’s nothing wrong with crying, feeling depressed, feeling sad, or wearing purple shirts.
Get over it.
Figure out who you are and BE. THAT.
If you want to be monogamous, do that.
If you want to play the field, do that.
If you want to screw married women, do that… until you get caught. 😀
The more control you have over your own life, the less you care about what other people say, think, and do.
If you’re sad about your interactions with men, don’t take it out on women because you’re physically stronger than they are or because they’re less likely to split your wig.
The best idea here is for people to reach out to males and inform them that they’re confused and they can live a more efficient life other than attempting to emulate men.
The worst idea is to attempt to indict men for what males do, because those are two entirely different sets of people.