The Rings Of Conversational Hades

Some people just can’t stay quiet long enough for you to tell them the information they’re supposed to be commenting on.

Bill - Airport

I know people whose brains work in a strange way where they love to… In fact, I think they CAN NOT HELP nitpicking your sentences because their worldview is more important to…. Because their worldview naturally overrides in their brain what you’re trying to tell them.

They just can’t listen and STFU until you get your entire point across.

This means that you either have to keep stopping your sentence to accommodate their worldview to their satisfaction, or you just ignore what they said and keep talking about what you wanted to tell them.

Keeping stopping is annoying and worthless and the constant interruptions are badgering and mental.

Ignoring them causes them to get mad that you’re ignoring them and keep asking you about the same nonsense until you don’t want to talk to them at all and don’t give a damn about offering them the education they would have gotten if they knew how to have a damned conversation.

Endless Loop

Let’s say I was going to tell someone like this that it wasn’t some chick’s business to attempt to cockblock some dude she doesn’t know from making out with some chick she doesn’t know.

This is common sense. Mind your own business.

But the sentence never gets completed because you get questions like “How do you know she doesn’t know her?”

I’m the one telling the story. It’s irrelevant how I know she doesn’t know her. The fact of the matter is that the chick who did it WROTE THAT SHE DIDN’T KNOW THE CHICK.

Maybe I knew because I knew the chick and she told me personally. Maybe I knew because the dude told me. Maybe I knew because the chick making out with the dude told me. Maybe I knew because I saw it on television WHO CARES HOW I KNOW???

Then it’s like even if she doesn’t know the chick, the chick might have needed her help.

Needed her help doing what? o_O Making out with the dude? She’s already doing that.

Then it’s like maybe the chick was drunk. So what? Whose fault is that? On top of that, how do you know that isn’t part of her hookup mechanism, to get “liquid courage” before messing with dudes? ON TOP OF THAT, *YOU* can’t tell if she’s drunk because YOU DON’T KNOW HER!

Then it’s like you don’t have to know someone to see that they’re drunk. SO WHAT? It’s STILL NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Then it’s like what if he had put something in her drink. [Insert Facepalm Picard] WHAT IF SHE HAD PUT SOMETHING IN *HIS* DRINK? You don’t know either way because you. don’t. know. these people. mind. your. own. business.

Then it’s like well I’d like to think that if someone had put something in my drink that someone would help me whether they knew me or not.

……………..

So you see how what’s supposed to be a simple sentence turns into a 3-hour tour with people like this and you stop sharing things with them entirely because it’s such a complete drag and you don’t feel like litigating their mental state with them in order to tell them things.

But Wait! There’s More!

And then it gets worse.

While you’re sliding down the rings of Hades trying to express a basic concept with someone who’s overly naturally compelled to discuss their own worldview with you instead of listening to what you’re telling them, eventually, you’re going to say something that THEY don’t like about how YOU think about life. [Insert Facepalm Picard]

First of all, if I wanted to tell you what I think about life, I would have said THAT off the bat instead of telling you what I was telling you before I was incessantly interrupted.

Second, it’s none of your business how I live my life.

Not that I don’t care to hear what you think. I’m definitely interested in hearing your opinion about my life, except NOT WHILE I’M ALREADY TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

So while you’re cascading down the first levels of nonsense, you fall through some kind of trap door in the conversation and the person goes “YOU wouldn’t help a chick that looked like she was being taken advantage of? :O” [Insert Facepalm Picard]

Suddenly…. Instead of telling a basic, simple story about some chick I don’t even know who stuck her nose in some other chick’s business, I’m being asked questions about what I would or would not do in that same situation.

First of all, I didn’t start talking to you to talk about ME or else I would have said “You know… If I were in a bar and XYZ…”

Second, what *I* would do has nothing to do with what SHE would do because we’re two completely different people with different abilities to influence the outcome of a situation.

In the case of the story I never got to tell because all of this bullshit occurred while I was trying to talk, she got some dude to go over with her and break up the two people making out.

Now….. Imagine me walking up to some dude at a bar / party / whatever, and saying “Check this out, here….. See that dude over there trying to get laid?… I don’t know that dude and I don’t know that chick, *BUT* my Spidey-Sense tells me that she’s either a) drunk, b) high, c) drugged, or d) being sexually harassed even though she’s clearly making out with the dude that’s making out with her, so why don’t you accompany me while I walk over there and try to stop this guy I don’t know from getting laid with this chick I don’t know? :D”

C’MON, SUNNNNN. FUGGOUDDAHEUH.

But that’s basically what the chick did. Not only did she mind someone else’s business, but she recruited some Herb to MIND SOMEONE ELSE’S BUSINESS WITH HER!

On top of all that, when I’m at a party, I’m talking to MY. FRIENDS.

I am not on the payroll to look around the party to try to figure out if there are any drunk or stoned chicks there that I don’t know.

I am not on the payroll to see if anybody there is doing drugs.

I am not on the payroll to see if anybody there is under the drinking age.

So that’s the first reason I wouldn’t have been involved in that situation… I would never have SEEN IT HAPPENING because I’m not standing around secretly wondering what’s going on in other people’s lives that I don’t know.

The second reason is that THERE. IS. NO. EVIDENCE.

If the story had been that this nosy chick SAW the dude put something in her drink, of course stop her from drinking the drink whether you know her or not, ***ASSUMING*** you’re willing to accept the consequences if the perp stands up and knocks your block off for minding his business.

But that wasn’t the story. The chick saw the action and decided that she didn’t need evidence to interrupt two people’s good time, so she got some Herb to go with her in case punches started flying because it’s always the dude that gets hit first even if it’s the chick’s fault.

So no. No evidence, no action. Period.

But you see, there’s no reason I should have to explain all this because the story started out about somebody else doing something in a situation I wasn’t even involved in. What I would have thought or said or done is entirely irrelevant.

Construction Zone. Hard Hats Necessary.

So then once I climb out of THAT HOLE and I’m only 16 floors beneath the Earth of what I had originally started out to say and I probably made it like 5 words into a sentence that may have only contained 15 words, NOW it becomes a discussion about something completely different because you say they were making out.. it wasn’t like she was getting dragged down the stairs.

See, but that’s what you say when you speak to regular people and you forgot who you were talking to so before you give a damn about what you just said, you hear oh… So you would or wouldn’t help a woman that was getting dragged down the stairs?

…………….. [Insert Facepalm Picard]

(you knew that was coming by now)

So now the conversation has changed from a story about some chick who cockblocked some dude who was making out with some chick she didn’t know to whether *I* would take any form of action if I saw, essentially, some dude I don’t know beating up some chick I don’t know.

By now, you don’t even want to talk to this person because the conversation is so stupid and it’s just getting more ridiculous as you cascade down levels levels and more levels farther away from where you had intended to go.

So then you say it depends.

:O :O :O DEPENDS ON **WHAT**?!?!?! :O

……………..

So now, instead of telling you a story about some chick recruiting some Herb to help her cockblock a guy and gal she doesn’t know and therefore can’t tell whether she’s enjoying what she’s doing or not, I’m being asked to explain why *I* would or wouldn’t risk MY LIFE to stop some dude from committing an actual crime against a chick? 😀

Do you see a blue outfit and a badge? Do I look like Daredevil to you? WTF are you actually talking about? Do you even know?

Contrarians

Some people don’t have conversations. They talk just to talk. Or to hear themselves talk. Or to nitpick something out of your sentence that they want to try to convince you the opposite of.

Some of these people are called Contrarians. They just want to talk about anything OTHER than what you’re saying.

If you say there was no evidence that the chick was drunk, the answer is “she could have been”. Yes. That’s right. She could have been and she could have been perfectly sober, neither of which do you know because you don’t know the chick and haven’t talked to her about her present physical condition, mental state, or whether she was enjoying making out with this dude before you decided that cockblocking was the answer.

If you say the grass is green, they say it could have been brown like if nobody had watered it in a long time.

So what? Nobody asked you for that tidbit of information. What are you even talking about? In fact, **WHY*** are you talking when I haven’t even gotten my point across yet that we’re supposed to be discussing? o_O

This is what I mean. It’s like a sport to them. They just want to nitpick and cherry-pick and they don’t give a damn whether they hear what you actually had to tell them or not.

And then when you refuse to play their game with them, they get mad about it and STILL want to block you from what you were going to tell them, which prompts you to rarely tell them anything at all.

Of course, a good way around this is to write them an email so they can’t say anything. 😀 😀

Business-Minders Anonymous

The other thing that’s funny about this fiasco is that if you can detect what people are doing like I can, you can see these people “turn off”.

You can see exactly when they STOP LISTENING TO YOU and START WAITING FOR THEIR CHANCE TO JUMP IN WITH SOMETHING TO SAY.

It isn’t an eye-direction thing necessarily, like when you can tell someone’s lying or accessing memory by the direction they’re looking in. It’s an energy change. A state change. They go from passive / listening to active / telling except they aren’t talking yet.

And then when they’re talking about what THEY want to talk about, you can tell how important that is to them. Again, I don’t even think this is a deliberate thing. I think it’s a condition. It’s like when you throw a bone or a frisbee and the dog knows to go get it. The dog likes getting the frisbee. People like this LIKE that every time they can think of something that’s the opposite of what you just said, or any case that seems to disprove what you just said, they just have to blurt it out as if anybody asked them to proofread their term paper.

Yeah. The grass could have been brown, but nobody asked you.

Actually… Thinking about it this way, **NOW** I can understand how I fell down so many holes in this discussion. 😀

If this is actually a condition, meaning something that people like this can’t help doing unless you point it out to them and they actively suppress their desire to INTERRUPT YOU AS MUCH AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN, this was the perfect story to NOT tell this type of person.

If you’re like this and you’re at a party and you see some dude and chick you don’t even know making out, you’re going to mentally be ALLLLLLLL IN THEIR BUSINESS right off the bat.

Is the guy married?
Is the chick married?
Do they know each other?
Is she drunk?
How drunk is she?
Did he put something in her drink?
Is she about to pass out? (I think I saw her stumble)
Are her girlfriends here to help her?
Does anyone here know her? Is she by herself?
Did she drive here? Is she too drunk to drive home?

Meanwhile, if I had been there and happened for some reason to look at people I neither know nor care anything about, I would have thought “hmm. That dude will probably fumble, but he might be able to bag that chick.” and then I wouldn’t have thought anything about it because it’s rare that I don’t know several people at any event I ever attend so I don’t really have time for eavesdropping and bochinche.

So someone who is so nosy about what you’re trying to tell them that they jump in whenever they hear the slightest possibility that they can derail what you’re saying would be insanely interested in minding someone’s business IRL, and they wouldn’t be able to resist an attempted cockblock merely to quell the voices in their own heads.

Same thing with all the rest of the cascade. They can’t imagine why you aren’t so nosy as to be looking around at everybody like you’re Inch High Private Eye trying to solve a mystery.

No. Actually, when I go places, I’m there to socialize with my friends.

I would follow that up by saying “usually nothing happens”, but I can’t really say that because usually, I’m not paying any attention to randoms, but at least I can say it’s been extremely rare when bouncers or bartenders have had to lay hands on people in bars or parties I’ve attended, so we’ll assume nothing odd happened.

Pavlov, Much?

Another odd thing about people like this is that when confronted about this, they deny attempting to derail your conversation.

Again, I believe this. I think it’s a condition and not a decision.

I don’t think they know that they’re doing it.

I think that as their mind attempts to construct what you’re telling them, they automatically see a problem they need to clear up in their own minds.

This would be similar to how it makes more sense to them to attempt to cockblock some guy and gal they don’t know and risk getting their blocks knocked off for no reason.

Since they can’t prove either scenario, meaning whether the chick is enjoying herself or not, they dwell on the negative scenario and aim to prevent it even if it doesn’t exist in real life.

Also, for them, at the time, they perceive the possibility of getting into a real-life altercation with someone for not minding their own business to be preferable to their voices keeping talking to them and telling them to be nosy.

Like, if they don’t act, the voices are going to continue all night. If they do act, there’s a good chance nothing physical is going to occur and they might prevent a crime from occurring.

Or they might prevent a chick who likes to get drunk, make out with guys and get laid from successfully completing her own mission for the evening.

Head Games

At the end of the day, it’s about the lesser of the evils.

The fact that you wanted to tell this person something means it was important to you to get them the information, whether you felt like it was going to be entertaining or educational.

You can go on having them interrupt you, but you risk becoming turned off to talking to them altogether.

When you know that they’re going to sit there and play their own head games while you’re talking, you might decide it’s more fun to stay quiet than listen to what they have to say that you never asked them about.

There’s actually a lower ring of Hades.

If you play the game with these people and venture deeply enough into their psyche, you can hit the bottom of their well before you’re anywhere near the bottom of yours.

According to my theory, these people are reconstructing what you’re telling them in their minds with them being a part of the action.

So in my case, I wouldn’t have been *ANY* of the characters in the scenario I’ve been talking about.

I wouldn’t have been the dude getting cockblocked because I know enough about chicks to do the business away from nosy people.

I wouldn’t have been the Herb who got the assist and the triple-double for cockblocking because I would have asked the chick for her evidence and then when she said she didn’t have any, I would have warned her that it isn’t a good idea to interrupt people who might both be having fun, especially when you know neither one of them.

So for is reason and others, I can look at a situation like that objectively as far as tactics. I have zero emotional attachment to the story. I just think it’s interesting and potentially educational if the person will stop interrupting long enough to get the information.

However, a person mentally interjecting themselves into the scenario will keep scratching and scraping until they feel like they’ve gotten you to change your mind about something.

The grass is green because I’m the one telling the story. I don’t give a damn that some grass is brown so grass isn’t automatically green when you mention grass.

So to me, there are two potential outcomes to the discussed scenario, let’s just call them good and bad. The actual outcome, as the story itself was told, was good, unless the woman had intended to get laid and got cockblocked by the nosy woman.

I can see and clearly discuss both good and bad potential outcomes.

Someone who sees themselves as needing help in a situation like that will not be able to accept the bad outcome. At All.

Of course that same type of person is now mentally responding with “They MIGHT be able to accept it! :O”…..

Rock Bottom

They’re going to keep changing the scenario as I described until they reach the bottom of their options.

If you don’t recognize that there is a bottom, you might allow them to drag the conversation all the way down there.

When they run out of amendments to your scenario, that’s when they start offering judgements and now you have a different problem.

Now you’ve gone from telling someone a story to that person twisting your story and then interjecting YOU into the twisted story, then twisting the story some more until there was nowhere left for them to twist and then they want to tell you that your answer is incorrect.

😀 😀 They want to tell you that YOU came up with the wrong answer to the scenario.

Check this out. I’m me and you aren’t.

I don’t HAVE any wrong answers about what I would do, unless I’m being inauthentic with you.

If I’m being inauthentic with you, there’s no reason for us to be talking, unless you’re paying me to lie to you.

If we reach the bottom of your well of understanding of or belief in reality, I understand that YOU DON’T LIKE what the answer is, but that doesn’t matter.

It certainly won’t CHANGE what the answer is, that you don’t like it. 😀

“I don’t like that” is not a rebuttal.

“That’s the wrong answer” is not only an insane thing to say about someone telling you ABOUT THEMSELVES when you are not them, but it’s also insulting.

See, but now, instead of telling them how much you DO. NOT. GIVE. A. DAMN. what they think about how you live your own life, either for real or in their twisted fantasy scenarios that you were never a part of, you have to eat that because this isn’t why you started talking to them in the first place.

For that, you could have skipped the entire story and gone directly to telling them “Check this out. I don’t give a damn what you think about what I think, say, or do.”

But if you do that, they’d be like “Where’d that come from? :O” HAHAHA

They can tell you what they think about what you think, and if you inform them of what you think of what they think about what you think, their feelings are going to be hurt because I suppose they imagined that you cared to begin with.

So sometimes you have to cut off conversations with people before they emotionally hurt themselves.

That’s unfortunate because they don’t learn anything by living in an echo chamber where they believe everyone thinks the same way they do.

How To Help

I think the best way to deal with this is prevention.

Start a conversation with this person about themselves.

Ask them “Are you aware that when someone’s talking to you, you blurt out things while they’re still talking before they even get their entire point across? o_O”

In some cases, they won’t be aware of it because like I said, it’s a condition that’s overriding their ability to socialize properly.

If they aren’t aware, discuss with them what it is that they do, and how annoying it is when they do it.

This is different from TELLING THEM TO CUT IT OUT.

We’re talking about grown-ass men & women.

You can’t tell them what to do. You can point out their behaviors and then they can agree or disagree with you and then decide to take action or not.

I mean you can TELL THEM, but they don’t have to listen to you, take your advice, see it as a problem, or change anything about their behavior at all.

If they are aware of it, ask them how they think it feels to keep getting interrupted in the middle of sentences.

Ask them how they think it feels when someone wants to nitpick about minutia when you have something way more important to tell them.

Ask them how they think it feels when you’re telling them something that has nothing to do with you and they INSIST on making it about YOU and the way YOUR mind works.

Ask them why they would tell you that your way of thinking was wrong when you’re the one thinking, and not them. What sense does that make? And the answer needs to be something other than “I don’t like it.”

If someone says they like to touch hot pots on a stove, tell them their thinking is WRONG, and then explain that they’re going to burn and injure themselves for no reason.

Nobody gives a damn whether you like the concept of someone touching hot pots or not.

How you feel has nothing to do with the facts.

What happens when you’re the nosy chick in the scenario and YOU FEEL LIKE the chick with the dude is a creep? 😀 Does she still get cockblocked, or do you sip your tea because of how you feel?

(Then again, that might *still* prompt a cockblock because she would be blocking the chick’s action instead of the dude’s. o_O)

I think prevention is the way. Eat one or two of these annoying conversations and then have a conversation with that person about themselves.

From there, you’ll have the information you need to make an informed decision about whether you’ll continue speaking to them or not.

If they insist on being annoying, respect that and decide whether you’re going to subject yourself to that.

If they didn’t know they were being annoying, help them out with that because it’s going to affect their personal relationships as well as their work opportunities.

If they don’t see it as annoying, you’ve informed them that YOU are annoyed by it, so now they can decide to act differently around you or forfeit discussions with you entirely.

I wonder how many people there are like this and how many people bailed out on speaking to them because they got tired of the hassle.

If you care about the person, try helping them out.

If you don’t, bounce.

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