A reader brought this article to my attention => Am I Single Because Of My Attitude?
First of all, the premise of the title is inaccurate because it assumes that a female’s attitude can cause ALL males not to want to date her, which isn’t true.
Some males ENJOY when females have crabby attitudes so it’s a turn-on for them.
Other males aren’t listening to her at all so who cares what her attitude is like? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s only the third division that crabby females have to be concerned about, which is males who will eject her IMMEDIATELY upon detecting crabbiness! 😀
Therefore an accurate title would have been “Is Your Attitude Ruining Your Chances?” because assuming all divisions are equal, crabby attitudes eliminate 33% of a gal’s opportunities and not 100% of them.
We currently live in an Affirmational culture where people will tell you a lot of things that aren’t true so you can feel good about yourself except what they’re telling you doesn’t work in real life.
So you’re tricking yourself into feeling good while you’re simultaneously not gaining any advantage in your dating life.
Unless a guy has a fetish for horrible crabby attitudes, that chick is going to be immediately disqualified.
The only guys who will put up with that don’t care what she thinks in the first place, enjoy crabby behavior from women, or are too desperate to have any say in the matter.
So if your idea of fun is spending time with women, cats, fetishists, and desperate males, Enjoy Yourself! 😀
The article starts out with this quote:
“Now Debra, don’t be bitter, surely with your ever-growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages, and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover, the boys will come a-runnin’.” – Empire Records, 1995
Again, this is entirely inaccurate. Some guys like piercings, some guys don’t, some guys don’t care, and some guys are too desperate to have a choice.
The only question is what the gal is interested in signaling to potential suitors.
If she likes to post pictures of herself to social media where she’s making out with dogs, that may or may not work for her.
“I don’t like the word attitude. I don’t like the way we’ve come to use it. By definition it’s neutral, but we’ve coated it with a negative filter. As if we can VSCO all the words we want to suit our purpose. Using the word attitude as a negative sounds essentially like we’re telling people they’re wrong for having feelings.”
This doesn’t make any sense either.
There are GOOD ATTITUDES and BAD ATTITUDES and CRABBY ATTITUDES.
The word itself is a container and it depends on what you fill it with.
“I have a shitload of feelings and I have to tell you, none of them are wrong. But that doesn’t stop society from disagreeing with me.”
I agree that none of her feelings are “wrong”, but she has to recognize that her behavior will disqualify her from consideration by a percentage of the suitors she’s hoping to attract. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It isn’t wrong FOR HER but it *IS* wrong FOR HIM.
I’m not advocating faking one’s personality.
I’m saying that if someone decides they don’t want to hear the dumb things you say and they don’t want to experience the dumb things you do, you will be summarily excommunicated.
Regardless of the Affirmations you read, NOBODY has to accept you.
“I’ve often heard that my attitude is the reason why I’m single. That idea is communicated to me as a negative. It’s not, ‘Congratulations, your attitude is why you’re single — what an accomplishment.’ It’s: ‘This is all your fault, you’re doing something bad — to yourself.’”
This reminds me of when they say if everywhere you go you smell a goat, it’s you.
“Often” implies that people who don’t know each other have determined that your demeanor is crabby and running your opportunities with suitors. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s not a conspiracy.
If 100 people think I’m 5’9”, there’s a good chance that I’m actually 5’9” and not 6 feet tall.
“While I don’t believe that being single is inherently something bad or wrong, and therefore can’t have a reason, fault, or cause, I’d like to get into this. Because I’m tired of being told that my life is wrong, and a symptom of my own feelings. I think my life is right, and a symptom of work and building a world around me that I’m proud of. I think the idea of a single woman enjoying her life is one that takes getting used to. Not for me though I’m super into this already.”
There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with having a crabby attitude.
However, approximately 1/3 of males will not put up with a crabby attitude so your dating pool becomes the males who will, some of whom are desperate, some of whom don’t care what you say or think regardless, and some of whom enjoy your crabby behavior as a sexual turn-on fetish.
“The easiest way to frustrate a single woman who is putting herself out in the dating world and being slapped in the face with all of its atrocities is to tell her that she’s creating the negativity herself. To make her feel like her actions and ‘attitude’ mean that she deserves it.”
Yet another miscalculation.
Crabby Women don’t “deserve” to be single.
Crabby Women have to accept the dating pool that will tolerate Crabby Women.
Males who aren’t into stupid behavior will avoid crabby females REGARDLESS of how good they look.
Desperate males will let her behavior slide so they can get laid.
Fetishists enjoy her behavior because it turns them on to screw her.
Males who don’t care what she thinks or says don’t consider her much of a human being to begin with.
What I’m saying is that by being a creep, what’s left for you is a creepy dating pool.
“Making someone angry by telling her everything she’s experiencing is happening to her because she’s angry will make a woman feel crazy. It makes me feel crazy. But I’m not crazy — society just doesn’t know what it’s talking about.”
Some. Guys. Actively. Avoid. Angry. Women.
What are you angry about?
How are you going to ENTER a potential relationship ALREADY ANGRY when the guy can just leave you where you are and get an unaffected woman? o_O
“If you tell me I have a bad attitude, guess what — now I have one, toward you, the person making assumptions about my singleness. And because we can’t see very broadly past ourselves, I come across to you as angry and annoyed. You then think I’m angry and annoyed in every aspect of life and therefore repel a potential partner, but I’m not — that’s just how I’m now motivated to behave toward you and your dumbass assessments of singleness. I live it, you don’t get it, please stop talking.”
That’s just the thing.
Who gives a damn about you to even TELL YOU how to fix yourself? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The only reason a male would say that to you is that he’s hoping to enter a relationship with you but he can’t in your current condition.
Therefore, his trying to help you should make you HAPPY and not UPSET because he cared enough to attempt to stay in the game with you instead of swiping a different chick on Tinder and blissfully forgetting entirely that you exist.
“I think there are a lot of societal influences at work that make me feel wrong or ashamed for being single. Over the years I’ve dealt with them in a variety of ways, not all of them healthy. I spent years (and years) feeling bad and wrong, and completely at fault for my own misery. And in a way, I was. I didn’t need to ‘just think positive’ or paint a plastic smile on my face to attract a man, I just had to realize that being single isn’t inherently miserable in the first place.”
There’s nothing wrong with being single for females or males.
There’s nothing wrong with not having kids.
What is WRONG is when someone refuses to admit that one’s crabby behavior is off-putting to a large segment of her potential dating pool who have no reason to accept crabby behavior because there are too many women with beautiful attitudes to select a chick that’s going to get on your nerves.
The Affirmations are not true.
There is not “someone for everyone”.
Nobody has to put up with your crabby behavior.
A chick can look worse than you, make less money than you, not know how to dance, not know how to dress, wear Coke-Bottle Eyeglasses and be a beautiful person to spend time with and she will defeat you EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. if the guy is qualified and discerning.
That leaves you with the guys who are willing to put up with crabby attitudes who are usually guys who also have crabby attitudes or who don’t give a damn whether you speak or not.
You don’t get to choose the top guys and then force them to deal with unacceptable behavior.
“A lot of this has led to the work I do now, trying to write and create as much as possible and scream like a digital banshee so that other single women out there can come to see that not only is there nothing wrong with being single, but it’s actually fucking fantastic to have a whole bed to yourself. Once you think that way, it’s unlikely you’ll share that bed with anyone who is less than worthy.”
Unfortunately, the definition of “worthy” in this context is some Herb that will put up with a crabby chick’s nonsense instead of ejecting her and getting a better girlfriend.
The only guys who actually do that are by definition UNWORTHY! 😀
“But personally, the misconception that makes me the most angry (oooh, anger—another thing I can’t be if I ever want a partner), is the all-encompassing one. As a single woman, I’m fed the idea that I’m single because I’m broken. I haven’t fixed myself yet. I haven’t worked on myself yet. I don’t love myself. I haven’t done what I still need to do in order to be suitable for partnership. It’s all my fault.”
There’s nothing wrong with anger. Anger indicates that one is passionate about an injustice.
However, you can’t just be #BigMad for no reason.
If you’re automatically mad when nobody’s done anything to you, seek therapy because you’re reacting to the past and not the present.
What’s happening here is 80/20 in full effect, boyeeeee! 😀
80% of the women want the top 20% of the men and vice versa.
Therefore, crabby women can’t get 20%ers because they’re in competition with almost every woman on the planet, most of whom have nicer personalities than you do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s like going to the grocery store and there’s an obviously fresh package of steak that costs more and an obviously rotten package of steak that costs less.
Anyone who can afford to pay for the fresh steak will eat that instead of settling for the rot.
This Only Leaves people who can’t afford fresh steak to buy rotten steak.
If you can’t afford fresh steak, you are not a 20%er.
There are too many desperate males in this world for none of them to want the author of that article! 😀
EXCEPT!!!… They’re 80%ers and not 20%ers.
There are guys who can’t get laid AT ALL! 😀
Merely by being female, there’s a chance that she can get *A* boyfriend.
The problem is retaining the boyfriend she actually wants once she starts WILDING OUT! 😀
“There is nothing inherently perfect about someone who ‘got to’ get married. They weren’t being rewarded for something I haven’t achieved yet.”
Agreed Again! 😀
Being an automatically crabby person is limiting your dating pool. It’s that simple. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The only people who have to put up with your bad attitude are YOUR PARENTS and even some of them aren’t going for it! 😀
There is no rule stating that 20%ers have to date chicks they don’t like as human beings.
People being married doesn’t mean they’re perfect. It means they settled… which isn’t an inherently negative thing.
Women are in competition with each other for the best men.
Crabby Nonsensical Attitudes drop women so far down the totem pole they wouldn’t even believe it.
Nobody Cares! 😀
Go be crabby by yourself.
“In a way, I’m actually in a better position than the marrieds who haven’t worked on their shit yet, when you think about it. Because I’ll be working on mine prior to partnership, and they’ll have the added work involved in trying to adjust an existing partnership to fit a new attitude entirely. Best of luck with that.”
Even though married people have settled for that particular person, they’ve ALSO entered into an agreement to TRY to work things out and stay together.
Therefore being married is a better position than being single with ZERO prospects of marriage and a bad attitude that repels the most marriage-worthy suitors. o_O
While she’s working on figuring out why she’s #BigMad at life, they’re working on supporting each other through their lives.
“I’ve changed my attitude because I’ve come to realize what a gift being single is. I am free, I am limitless, I am open, I am in charge. I consider it a great feat to come around to this way of thinking in spite of a society that tries to steer me in the other direction at every opportunity. I feel accomplished in this, not broken. And put-together me looks forward to being with a put-together partner one day, someday, whenever.
I’m single because of my attitude? How sweet of you to say.”
If you’ve been reading along, you’re aware that I’m single and I enjoy being single for all the reasons she stated and more. 😀
Her article seems to be about her trying to get past caring what other people think about her.
That’s a worthwhile goal but at the same time you can’t ignore what you do that repels a good percentage of your best suitors.
Nobody has to accept or put up with a bad attitude or anything else they don’t like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If your devotion is to your loyalty and your crabbiness you have to settle for the percentage of the dating pool that will tolerate you, doesn’t care what you say regardless, or likes crabby women.
The males who aren’t into nonsense will shun you and warn their best mates to shun you as well.
The point being you have to take responsibility for your bad behavior and accept what comes with that.
Santa doesn’t bring presents to naughty children… There’s a lesson in there somewhere! 😀
Having said all of that, there are lots of women with BEAUTIFUL attitudes who are single and who would rather be in a “relationship”.
If a gal really really LOVES being crabby, at some point if she stays in the game, she’ll find a guy that really likes her AS-IS! 😀
The problem for her is he’ll probably be an 80%er not a 20%er so she’ll either ignore or reject his advances.
If you have a major character flaw, get ready to settle for someone who ALSO has a major character flaw.
It’s fine to be justifiably upset and speak your mind and attempt to resolve the situation.
It isn’t fine to walk in the door upset and expect top-level guys not to walk out the same door you just walked in.