Abiola Abrams & Bill Cammack
Photo Credit: German Marin

My homegirl, Abiola Abrams [Web/Twitter/Facebook] was selected by MTV to be a “Made” coach.

Her episode was about transforming a 15-year-old, scrawny geek dude into a Ladies Man.

You can see deleted scenes on the MTV: “Made” site, and eventually, they’ll have the full episode available.

I personally enjoyed the show. I thought it was very funny, and Abiola’s advice and training was on-point.

I also found it interesting that for once, they sent a female to tell a guy how to get girls.

This actually makes sense, because Abiola can tell guys what she doesn’t like about their presentation, technique or style in the same way I can tell chicks how to dress or carry themselves if they want to be the cream that rises to the top in the dating game and snag the guy they want instead of letting the next gal bag him.

Abiola threw a viewing party at NYC’s “SoHo Room” to celebrate the show’s premiere. Here’s the link to her blog post about the evening and the photo gallery => http://www.abiolatv.com/2011/02/mtv-made-ladies-man-watching-party-at.html

The festivities included Speed Dating… Here’s a video of Abiola breakin’ down the rules:

YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMoSBPr9Gxo

A good time was had by all at the party. Dude on the episode learned some essential skillz and ended up bagging not only a nice date for his party, but receiving his first kiss from a girl instead of that piece of bread that he was practicing kissing with…. Don’t ask.. Just watch the show. :D

I’m expecting more power moves from Abiola throughout 2011. Stay Tuned! :D

Edit: March 08, 2011 – Watch Abiola’s episode below or click here to watch “Ep. 31 Ladies Man” on MTV.

–
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In response to Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01], Reader “C Jay” writes:

“One thing i wanted to ask is about the whole follow the leader thing. Doesnt it make more tactical sense that the wing be the leader, i mean except for target selection he basically determines everything else.”

This is an excellent question and one I’ve never considered before. The short answer is: “The Top Gun leads the rap unless the ‘lesser dude’ in the situation has exclusive recon that makes him the one that should be calling the shots”. Therefore, there are actually TWO configurations you have to deal with.. Who is the leader when neither one of you has a chick yet and who is the leader once ONE OF YOU gets a rap and the other becomes “wingman” by default?

Training Grounds

I really like this question, because I spent A. LOT. OF. TIME. as NOT THE TOP DOG when it comes to pulling chicks. There are two ways you can deal with this.. Fight against the pecking order and still try to pull the top girls or go with the flow and benefit from the trickle-down as well as learning what the players did to be successful so you can emulate them in the future.

When you first start out in the game, you don’t realize you’re at a SEVERE DISADVANTAGE because you don’t know what guys are doing to attract chicks. You think it’s pot luck. “I went somewhere, a chick liked me, I got on”. Little did you know that tricks of the trade were being used to send primitive indicators to girls that they should select the next guy instead of you. If you pay close attention for long enough, you figure out what they’re doing.

You have the same jeans on, but theirs are perfectly ironed and creased. You have the same jacket on, but they work out and they’re in better shape than you. They go to the barber shop before the weekend so their “line is tight” and you don’t. They have a job, so they have more money than you get from your allowance. They spent $50 on a flimsy gold chain that they FINALLY got out of layaway, but they also bought a nice medallion that chicks flock to and want to look at and touch, while you have enough money to buy that same chain right now in your pocket, but there’s nothing for chicks to SEE, so you lose. They have the slow jam tape on them and you don’t. They took a virtual BATH in Egyptian Musk and you didn’t……

Protect The Leader

What you figure out eventually is that you’re walking into the war without your vest and without your gun.

I’ve never been in an actual war and I’m not going to be.. I’ve been in innumerable wars via FPS video gaming.

I remember being in a HALO game with my crew after we acquired a female player we call “Angel”. We were playing team deathmatch, and as the squad leader, I’m in charge of figuring out how we’re doing and determining our strategy second to second.

So every time I hit the button to check the individual and team scores, Angel’s K/D (kill-to-death ratio) is going UP while the rest of ours are going DOWN and the game is pretty much even. I’m not a shooter, I’m a strategist and I tell other people who to shoot, so I wasn’t going to be a factor in putting us in the lead for good.

The simple fact the numbers were telling me was that when Angel was UP, our team was advancing, and when Angel was DOWN, the other team was advancing. The executive decision I made as soon as I figured this out was that *EVERYBODY*s job for the rest of the game was to make sure that ANGEL stayed alive.

Anybody you see shooting at Angel, CAP him. If she’s in a firefight, shoot the guy she’s shooting. If there’s a powerup or ammo for her weapons, leave that for her. If you’re getting shot while you’re helping Angel, too bad for you.. You’re SOL (**** out of luck). You don’t turn around and shoot that person. You stay on your assignment, and when that dude drops you, he’s going to have to reload and Angel’s going to get our kill back.

Fortunately, the rest of our teammates believed in my time-proven ability to strategize and sacrificed themselves, as did I, to keep Angel Blazin’, and we ended up crushing the other team decisively.

This is the same way raps need to be handled. Whomever is being EFFECTIVE, RIGHT NOW is the one the team has to rally behind to facilitate his efficiency. If he’s rapping to the girl you wanted?… You have to eat that. Maybe you get the best chick next time. All you do by fighting over or rapping to the same chick is make your entire crew look like Busters and then none of y’all deserves the rap! :D

Meanwhile, whomever has the favor of the crowd has to not be selfish. Recognize that you’re able to do what you’re doing right now because other guys are warding off cockblockers and sacrificing their own desires so you can rap to a chick they want for themselves. It’s YOUR JOB to put in a good word for your boys and facilitate THEIR raps to the extra chicks instead of riding your current success to glory in Valhalla.

There’s No “I” In TEAM!

So.. To answer C Jay’s question, the leader in a situation where two guys head out to pick up chicks is dynamic, not static.

Optimally, BOTH GUYS have an equal grasp of the game and either guy is likely to get a rap at any point of the night.

When that’s the case, it becomes a flow, like hockey players on a 2 vs. 1 break. It’s not important that one particular guy scores. It’s important that THE TEAM goes ahead by one goal.

If the team goes +1, there’s a good chance that EVERYONE will end up with the “W”. If the guys on the break are selfish, they might screw up their advantage, nobody scores, and the team isn’t any better off.

This is one of the reasons why Wingman Selection is so important. You have to actually be HAPPY if your boy gets on and you go home with nothing or waste hours distracting her homegirl from blocking your boy’s action. Dudes that don’t have this kind of rapport with each other start getting sour and sabotaging raps and making the whole crew look like clowns.

Bada Bing, Bada Boom

So, assuming you have equal dudes working together, the leader is the one that has the best idea for how one or both of them are going to get on tonight. You saw this in “Jersey Shore” when Mike & Pauly were standing out in the street deciding whether to invite the chick and the grenade home to hop in the hot tub. Mike has a line on the girl he wants to hook up with. That chick comes with an extra chick that needs to be distracted, which is going to be Pauly’s job.

Pauly says to him “We don’t have anything better, right?”. This means that they’ve kicked all the game they’re willing to kick for the evening and it’s time to disappear with some chicks. If Pauly had pulled a chick that HE wanted to bring back, he would have said so right there. Since he hadn’t, he was willing to facilitate Mike’s rap and help him try to score.

At that point in the game, the leader was Mike, because he had a direct connection to a girl he was trying to hook up with. Best-Case Scenario for the evening was Mike +1, Pauly +0 = Team +1. Once they got home, Mike dropped the ball and didn’t isolate his chick fast enough before Pauly got tired/bored/annoyed with covering for him and bailed. We don’t know what happened, because that’s an edited show, but Pauly SHOULD have told Mike to hurry the **** up and make it happen.

At that point, as C Jay is suggesting, the wing is actually the leader, however, I suggest that he took over because he had a better grasp of the situation, which was that Mike wasn’t pulling the trigger and something good needed to happen QUICKLY, or else.

Unfortunately, I really doubt this is the case in most situations. I think most of the time, either one or both guys don’t know the first thing about what they’re doing with chicks and it’s a Keystone Cops / pot luck scenario, thus the term “Getting Lucky”, because guys have no idea how they got laid. \o/

Experience > Current Advantage

When you have one guy that knows what he’s doing and one guy that doesn’t, there is NO. CHANGE. IN. LEADERSHIP. The other guy’s not qualified to make any decisions.

Regardless of who’s working on someone at the time, the ‘lesser’ dude doesn’t suddenly have wisdom bestowed upon him because he happens to currently enjoy the best chance of getting on.

I found this out the hard way in a couple of scenarios. In one of them, 4 or 5 of us rolled up on several chicks and I was talking to a pretty nice-looking girl until to my chagrin, the Top Dog broke from the girl he was rapping to and rolled up on my conversation, rendering me immediately invisible. :D hahaha OH. MAN!.. I. Was. Mad. As. A. ****!!! :D

The other situation was that I was talking to this chick first but didn’t kick the proper game. I wasn’t “Street” enough for her tastes, so eventually, this SCRUM (lowlife) came over that was part of my crew and started talking to her and she fell for it immediately.

This dude probably LITERALLY had DUST in his pockets, was dumb as a box of rocks and at the time had no earning potential whatsoever… BUT… he was wearing trendy clothes and had an earring and sounded like he was from the ghetto, which he was, and the chick immediately went out like a sucker.

I think I even TOLD HER THAT DAY that my homeboy wasn’t about JACK (not to try to cockblock him, but because I could see her future from the way she was blindly jocking him so hard), but she didn’t want to hear it. She was too busy sweating him. A few months later, I run into her in the street and she’s all crying and distraught because she’s pregnant by him and he threw her number in the trash. C’est La Vie. \o/

The point being that I didn’t come to the table with the “Toolry & the Jewelry” to turn these chicks’ heads, so I didn’t have any say in the raps whatsoever. My effect on the situation was minimal, so my choice in the matter was to follow the leaders and depend on the trickle-down unless the leaders decided to swoop in and bag that up as well. :D

Critical Recon & Intel

The *ONLY* time the lesser dude has any juice is when he’s privy to exclusive and important information that changes the game.

Sometimes, even though you’re not even trying, a chick is just sweating you for some unknown reason. She likes how you look… She likes that you’re not pressing up on every chick in the place… She likes that you sound educated… You’re at the beach, so she can tell you’re in FANTASTIC SHAPE compared to your more-suave homeboys… You actually listen to her and talk to her instead of nodding at her until you can get laid….. Whatever it is, there are some circumstances where the lesser dude has a chick locked down, and that’s when HE becomes the most important guy in the crew.

He’s still not the SMARTEST when it comes to this, so it’s in his best interest to pull the Top Dog to the side and explain the situation so the tactics can be determined. The fact remains that he’s currently THE MAN, so the team’s goal is to make sure he’s as successful as possible and everyone else gets whatever they can salvage from the evening.

Another common intel situation is that chicks are often too scared to kick it to the Top Dogs. For the same reasons that guys find it insanely easy to talk to girls they’re not attracted to, some chicks will approach lower-level dudes and TELL THEM DIRECTLY that they’re interested in the guy they’re scared to talk to. This is your opportunity to not be a ******* HATER and share the wealth. If you see that your boy’s wasting time trying to kick it to a different chick when this one’s already down with the program (assuming of course that they’re interchangeable, looks-wise), find a way to interrupt your boy and let him know what time it is. If he’s happy with his current chick, he might send you back to get her number for future reference. If he’s tired of putting in work and wants to get down to the nitty gritty, he’ll probably pass this chick off to you and go talk to the “Sure Thing”.

Do NOT let your feelings of jealousy cause you to sit on intel. Sometimes, it’s just not your day. Sometimes, your boy gets all the raps and you have to be cool with that or you’re in the wrong business. Go solo if you hate seeing your friends enjoy themselves.

Of course, conflict can occur when both guys happen to get on simultaneously with different sets of chicks, haha in which case, they’ll have to agree to split up and handle each group separately or one guy needs to get contact information and close out so he can assist his boy with the other set.

Dynamic Allocation

So we wind up back at the short answer. The Leader is determined dynamically, based on the situation and the guy’s respective skillz when it comes to pulling chicks. Both guys have to know each other’s styles and both have to respect each other’s games to the degree that they’re willing to take one for the team this time, knowing that their boy’s going to do the same for them when THEY’RE in an advantageous position. Without that inherent trust & camaraderie, the whole thing falls apart and it’s every man for himself.

I’d also like to add that the game starts before you leave the house. You need to walk out the door envisioning how the night’s going to go for you AND your boys. You have to understand your friends’ strengths and weaknesses so you can see the playing field properly when the evening’s chicks show up and it’s time to make it happen. You have to understand where you’re going and which wingmen are going to be effective in that particular environment.

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• Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]
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• Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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ok.. *NOW* I’m completely over this video and y’all never have to hear about it ever again! :D hahaha

Thanks again to Erik Beck for inviting me to participate in the “Harry Potter vs. Voldemort Rap” video, which just passed 2,000,000 (two million) views! :D

An amazing experience for me. :D I can’t express enough how much fun it is to be a fan of my own ultra-talented friends! :D

Erik, J-Rad & Bill

YouTube Link: Harry Potter vs. Voldemort Rap
 
Behind The Scenes clip:
 
Mobile version: iPod Video (.mp4)
 
~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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* I started this on October 21st, my birthday, but I had so many Happy Birthday messages to reply to (Thank You, Everyone! :D) that I didn’t get back to this post until today. *

Liz Burr & Bill Cammack

New Year’s Day

I’m sitting here answering all of my birthday messages on Facebook. I appreciate them all and I personally feel that if someone took the time to comment on my Facebook page or on BillCammack.com or on my Twitter page, it’s the VERY. LEAST. I. CAN. DO. to reply to them directly and as swiftly as possible. I’m not a fan of people’s styles who post something and then have ZERO presence in their comments. That says to me that you’re talking AT people instead of talking WITH people. I’m not a fan of that.

This is going to be a calm year for me. I can tell already. My life goes in cycles… one year HECTIC!!! and the next year calm. I feel very “smoothed out” this morning and I’m thinking about the concept of “giving”. The birthday gift the cosmos have handed me this morning is a really good grasp on what I think about people giving things, even free things like blog comments or birthday wishes or even holding the door open for someone to walk through. I have a matrix I’d like to share with you, based on that enlightenment.

The Matrix

The elements of the matrix are:

• What you have
• Whether you WANT TO give it to me or not
• Whether you ACTUALLY give it to me or not

Each one of these elements is separately important. I know a lot of people, so I’ve been able to experience how all the different permutations feel, IRL. The end result is either FAKE or REAL. A lot of people think that so long as they end up conveying nice sentiments, that’s the best thing they could do for someone. I think that’s absolutely wrong. I think the best thing you can do is be REAL with people. That’s obviously easier said than done, but that’s what I’m going to strive for this year. In my calmness, I’m going to strive for REALITY and the chips will fall.

Here’s how the matrix works:

If you have something for me and you want to give it to me and you give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you have something for me and you want to give it to me and you don’t give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you have something for me and you don’t want to give it to me and you give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you have something for me and you don’t want to give it to me and you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you don’t have something for me and you want to pretend like you do, so you give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you don’t have something for me and you want to pretend as if, but you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you don’t have something for me and you don’t want to pretend, but you give it to me anyway, that’s FAKE.
If you don’t have something for me and you don’t want to pretend and you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.

Does that make sense? :)

Find The Real

You’ll notice that regardless of where you start or how you travel, there are only two potential outcomes… REAL and FAKE. Real, you can build on. Fake, you cannot. I mean, you can build on it, but you’re building your house on quicksand. In the long run, it’s worthless. Real is worthwhile, whether you like or dislike the person’s actual way of being towards you.

Let’s use the example of greetings.. Like when you see someone somewhere for the first time and have a natural reaction.

I showed up to a bar a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine that I had been pre-gaming with, and the second I walked in, I found myself standing next to a booth where an acquaintance of mine was sitting who’s also an actor. He was sitting with several attractive females and was probably the King of the Hill in his area. When we saw each other, he got up and we greeted each other genuinely. That’s REAL. I appreciate that. There are lots of other people who in that same situation wouldn’t have wanted to give up their props and would have lamped in their seats like “Let the peons come to me!”. If that’s how you really feel and that’s how you carry yourself, that’s good. That’s real too. That lets me know what you think about yourself and what you think about me. Thank you for that information. I’ll utilize it in the future.

There are lots of different customs for greeting women as well. Depending on your culture, it might be a hug, it might be a kiss on the cheek or it might be both. It might be neither. It might be a handshake. It might be a wave from a distance with no physical contact whatsoever… Whatever it is, there are subtle differences between how a gal greets you that indicate how she’s feeling NOW relative to how she usually feels about you. You can tell a chick has a new relationship going when you suddenly get one of those “I’m still attracted to you, but I have a boyfriend now and I can’t afford for him to think The Kid’s tappin’ this” hugs. It’s no big deal.. She’ll come back online as soon as they break up and it’ll actually be better since she’ll be looking to reassure herself that she’s sexy & desirable = .. REBOUND!!!!! :D

Don’t Got It

Another form of fakeness is when people don’t feel friendly towards you but they’re scared to death of being talked about on the back-channel as a HATER, so they act friendly merely so they can stay out of the tabloids. There are two problems with this. #1 is that it doesn’t feel right. The smiles are fake. The greetings are fake. The conversation tidbits are fake. It’s obvious. #2 is that when someone has literally hundreds of acquaintances in the same town, the number of people you can spill the beans to without it getting back around to the person you’re talking about is incredibly small.

I’ve had the unique privilege of standing face-to-face with people that I know have talked about me behind my back. It’s an interesting experience, because you’re standing there wondering if they’re going to bring up the issue that they talked about so freely when they thought you would never find out about it.

To be fair, IRL is “the same, but different” when it comes to meeting me. Since you don’t know ANYONE like me, when you read what I write without having spent time with me, you formulate your opinions based on examples that YOU have from your past of people that said the same things or expressed the same sentiments. I say the exact same things IRL that I say online.. actually, I say MORE IRL than I say online because I make blog posts for general consumption and I really get down to the nitty-gritty with my close friends, usually over a long night of brewskis! :D

The difference, however, is that you get way more cues from me IRL, including vocal tone, eye contact or avoidance, physical contact, laughter (similar senses of humor), appreciation, acknowledgement, recognition, empathy… Lots of stuff that you wouldn’t expect to get from reading my blog posts. There’s a very good reason why I have over 700 female Facebook friends. Feel free to ask the couple hundred that have actually hung out with The Kid in person whether they had a good time or not. ;)

Sharing vs. Bragging

Having read what I just wrote, to a lot of people, that last paragraph is going to sound like braggadocio. It’s actually not. It’s just the truth. If I didn’t have over 700 female facebook friends (out of 1,690 total), I wouldn’t say so. If I hadn’t been in the top 20 Google results for the word/name “Bill” for almost the last two years, I wouldn’t say so. If I wasn’t in a YouTube video that’s approaching 2 million views, I wouldn’t say so. These are all checkable facts. I’m not saying “ha ha. Look at me, compared to you!”. This is my life, so this is what I have to talk about.

For instance, I don’t have any kids. Other people have kids and talk about them all the time. I don’t accuse these people of bragging that their reproductive systems work. (I wouldn’t know whether mine does or doesn’t, being that I’m a condom HERO) I don’t hate on people for talking about their successful startups or their real estate coups. It just so happens that most of what I do is HAVE. A. GOOD. TIME. because that’s what I want from my life. It just so happens that I’m not interested in only one female. It just so happens that I live in the center of the known universe, New York City. It just so happens that I’m a rather accomplished freelance video editor, so if you google Video Editor Resume, you get ME.

I talk about myself because that’s what I have to share. I don’t have anything else. :) No startup, no kids, no job, nothing! :D Just because the stuff I talk about is FUN!!! doesn’t make it any different from what those people share on their blogs.

Authenticity

So, this year (my year starts on my birthday), I’m going to strive for realness in giving & communication. I’m not sure how successful I’ll be, but I’m going to try. It’s a lot easier for me to say things that I don’t care about than it is to say things I DO care about. All I know is that the people who like who I am (or at least tolerate it, huh) have stuck around throughout the years and they’re greatly appreciated. The people who liked who they thought I was and then found out they were wrong have disappeared, which is also fantastic.

I decided to be authentic with one of my homegirl’s homegirls a couple of years back. It was late at night and I was bored with the chick, so I decided to inform her that although I liked and respected her as a person, her opinion of me didn’t matter to me one single iota because I was never going to see her again after that day. Of course, the gal took incredible offense at this, but I was speaking from an heavily favored probability. I had never seen her before that night. The only reason I was even hanging out with her was that my homegirl brought her out with us. She had already informed me she wasn’t interested in me, physically. There was no reason why I would ever contact her and there was no reason why she would ever contact me. As far as I was concerned, I was having a conversation with a ghost.. you know, like on the Sixth Sense tip. We were going to spend our hours together that evening and then she was going to cease to exist, entirely.

Of course she argued against this for her own self-esteem reasons. She tried to convince me that her opinion mattered to me, which was and IS entirely impossible. After she stormed out of the bar with her lackey / fanboi / human pet in tow, my homegirl and I had another hour’s worth of laughs at her expense because of how riled up she got over nothing. Just like I figured on that day and told her to her face, I’ve never, EVER come into contact with that girl EVER AGAIN in the couple of years since that conversation. Just like I said, she ceased to exist after she walked out of that bar. I still like her as a person and appreciate the fantastic conversation we were having, but I couldn’t possibly care ANY LESS about what a ghost thinks about me.

This is the ‘problem’ with authenticity and this is the path I’m taking this year. When your philosophy clashes with someone else’s, that person often chooses to bail rather than consider your point of view. I’m like that with horror movies. I don’t watch them because I don’t care. A lot of people get kicks from watching people run around in an abandoned hotel getting killed off one at a time. *YAWN*. No thanks. I’ll pass.

The way I feel right now, I’d rather have fewer acquaintances that are all down with the program than more acquaintances that follow/friend me because I haven’t said anything they don’t like yet. Spare Me. :/
 

Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem

Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme

~ Rush “Limelight”
 

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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