HollaBack Girls

So I’m browsing the blip videos, and I see this one called “I holla’ed back”. Having no idea what that meant, I figured it referenced the popular song about Hollaback Girls. 😀 The whole point of that record was saying that she WASN’T a Hollaback Girl, so I was curious to know why the title of this video indicated that this person DID “holla back”. I won’t spoil the plot of the video… You can go watch it if you’re interested by clicking this link to the original post. I didn’t watch it from the post, I watched it from blip.tv, but you get the actual context in the post. Anyway… I didn’t see any of that background information when I watched the video. I went to her blog to check out the comments, and that’s where I found out what she was talking about in her title.

There’s a network of sites called “HollaBack…..”:

All Holla Backs are independent collectives, in support of the same international mission; they are in no way affiliated with one another unless otherwise noted.

The site that referenced the “I holla’ed back” video was HollaBackBOSTON. When I followed the link, I realized that she had taken the idea of the site to the next level, hahaha 😀 The idea of HollaBack sites is for women who feel they were harassed to be able to tell their friends and the world about it. Some of them bolster their complaints with snapshots from their cell-phone cameras. This was the next level, because this was an actual LIVE VIDEO of someone going back and confronting her harassers.

It’s really pretty interesting to read what these women have to say about their daily experiences. HollaBackBOSTON has archives going back to May 2006 (6 months). The video was taped in SF, so I figured it was sent to Boston because there was only one site like this. I was thinking… MAN! They could write about this for DAYS in NYC… That’s when I started looking for links and found the list of the rest of these sites, including HollaBackNEWYORKCITY! 😀 New York’s archives go back to October, 2005! 🙂

This was interesting for a few reasons. One of them was that as I was heading back home from Art Bar a few nights ago, after one train completely ditched us at the platform and never stopped… I was in the middle of a subway car that had some overly-drunk guy on one end of it with a couple of guys and a girl with him, trying to keep him quiet and get him to sit down, and a couple of women sitting together at the other end of the car. This guy kept yelling drunk stuff at them, and he was really pretty belligerent. The women acted like they couldn’t hear him. As they were getting off the train, he screams at them “GOOD NIGHT, LADIES!!!” as if he had just been kicking it with them, hahahaha 😕 Obviously, I had my camera on me, but it TOTALLY didn’t occur to me to tape him running his mouth, because A) I didn’t give a damn, and B) I didn’t find it interesting and couldn’t figure out who MIGHT think it was interesting. Now I know… hahahaha 😀

The other reason it was interesting was that I felt like this girl on the subway took a picture of me with her phone. 🙂 I really didn’t think anything about it, because there are always Paparazzi… “those damned Paparazzi! :D” This is New York City, tourists and cameras all over the place. There’s always someone trying to take a picture of someone else.

Anyway, I find this stuff entertaining, because it’s the kind of thing that women never bring up in front of guys… they only tell other women. It’s interesting to see their perception of random guys trying to get sex from them, having just seen them for the first time in life a few seconds ago, or staring at their bodies or hissing at them or committing egregious indecent exposure or worse. I’m sure that from most of the guys’ sides of things, if they mentioned the situation at all, all they had to say was “Yo… there was this fine [chick] at the bus stop… MAN! You should have seeeeeen her ass! :D” and that was the end of the entire conversation.

Friends with an Ex

re: http://www.sexerati.com/2007/01/08/how-to-be-friends-with-your-ex/

You’re absolutely right that “let’s just be friends” means that he’s
not interested in hitting it anymore. The reasons aren’t important.
It may be because your body has changed and he’s not physically
attracted to you anymore, or he’s met someone that turns him on a lot
more than you do so that sex with you would be hehe anti-climactic. 🙂

It’s entirely possible to be friends with someone after your
“relationship” has gone south. First of all, it’s not the
relationship that went south, it’s his desire to have sex with you.
That has nothing to do with whether he likes you as a person or would
spend time with you like any other person he’s met in life and likes
personality-wise. Second… It all depends on whether the two of you
were ever friends in the first place.

As the saying goes, women give sex to get relationships and men give
relationships to get sex. When they’re no longer interested in the
sex, there’s no reason for the guy to fake being in a relationship
with you. Or, if you don’t like the term “faking”, the only thing
that was causing him to consider you as “special” is now gone, and he
becomes either a free agent or has a new “special someone” that he’s
devoting his physcial time to. That doesn’t mean he won’t hang out
with you or talk to you on the phone or check out a movie with you IF
he feels friendly towards you without the impetus of ‘getting on’.

There are lots of reasons people declare that they’re in a
relationship with someone, including loneliness, horniness, and the
fact that they just can’t get anyone else to have sex with them. If
that’s why he was with you, you’re short. If he liked you as a
person and felt that you were worthwhile to hang out with regardless
of whether he’s having sex with you, he’s going to have just as much
respect and esteem for you “after the fact” as he did when it was on.

It’s funny how you often don’t find out what’s really going on in a
relationship until it’s over. 😀

Myriad Genders

As I was wasting my day, I stumbled into Yahoo 360. I’m not sure how I got there. I think I was browsing MyBlogLog and one of the members in my contact list had a Yahoo 360 page, and when I clicked on it, I found out that I had a Yahoo account, but not a Yahoo 360 account. I figured this was similar to having an XBOX but not having an XBOX 360, so I joined up right quick. It’s a simple process, and your avatar transfers automatically.

ummmmmmmm…..

So now what do I do with this? Apparently, from the home page, there’s a page to get you to the news, there are pages so you can set up your profile and check your mail, and then there’s “search”. That’s it…. When you go to search, you can either search people by location and age, or you can search people or feeds by key words. From there, you can read stuff and invite people to your friends list. oh… There’s also a list that someone creates for you called “Interesting Pages on Yahoo 360″… Interesting to whom? Who chose this stuff? I’m not seeing the 360-ness of this aspect of Yahoo.

If you go back to regular Yahoo, there’s a bunch of stuff on the main page. I decided I needed to see what other people found so interesting about 360, so I googled “benefit of yahoo 360”. I got a lot of pages of people that weren’t getting any benefit from it at all. Three pages into the google listings, I spied “dykes do digital”, so you KNOOOOWWWWW I had to click on THAT! 😀

http://www.dykesdodigital.org/yahoo-360-mandatory-binary-gender-choice-sucks/

“… I’m REALLY REALLY disappointed that I have to a) choose male or female as a gender and b) I have no choice about making it public or not.. it’s mandatory that the bit is made public, and searchable.

It stinks.

At the very minimum, I should be able to choose whether I want that info public or not. Better: I could tag my gender, or at least get a text box. Something. Throw us people of complexity a bone here. And, in the best of all possible worlds, *I wouldn’t have to be asked in the first place because no one would give a crap* in some sort of ridiculous institutional put-people-in-boxes sort of way because we feel the need to LOCK DOWN and CONTROL every bit of stray METADATA we think might be appropriate. I love metadata, too. But not when used against people, to fix them down and gloss over things that are really, really important and complex, like how you feel about your gender. In case anyone has been living under a rock since the dawn of time: GENDER IS A COMPLEX, PROBLEMATIC ISSUE. Complicated by the vast long history of sexism, culture, sociology, biology, technology, politics.

You can’t just collapse all of that INTO A LITTLE CHECKBOX.

Okay, I’ve had my tirade, now, thanks. ;)”

Hmm… The title of “her” post was “Yahoo 360 mandatory binary gender choice sucks”. So I needed to go look up “gender”. 😀

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

So now, things start to get ‘interesting’. “She” was complaining that there was a binary (meaning only two) choice for gender. That would make Male (1) and Female (2). ummmmmm….. How many more genders does she want? What’s she expecting the distinctions to be? Or perhaps her idea is for there to be no distinctions at all. You can just be whatever you feel like being, whenever you feel like being it. Like… if someone engages you in conversation, instead of not declaring a gender at all, you get to say “I’m vague, thank you” or “I’m ambiguous” or “Is it Tuesday? I’m kind of a chick on Tuesdays… but not really”. I suppose if someone walks up to you and accuses you of being a human, you’d like to be able to say you’re a beetle… or perhaps a cow. So I read on to see what wikipedia had to say.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

“Since the 1950s, the term gender has been increasingly used to distinguish a social role (gender role) and/or personal identity (gender identity) distinct from biological sex. Sexologist John Money wrote in 1955, ‘The term gender role is used to signify all those things that a person says or does to disclose himself or herself as having the status of boy or man, girl or woman, respectively. It includes, but is not restricted to, sexuality in the sense of eroticism.’[5] Elements of such a role include clothing, speech patterns, movement and other factors not solely limited to biological sex.”

Disclose himself or herself as having the status of boy, man, girl or woman? So, if a guy decides to “disclose himself as a girl”, that’s supposed to make him a girl and there’s supposed to be a gender choice on Yahoo 360 for “guys that disclose themselves as girls”? 😕

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

“Many societies categorize all individuals as either male or female.. however, this is not universal. Some societies recognise a third gender[6].. for instance, Native American Two-Spirit people, and hijras of India and Pakistan[7].. or even a fourth[8] or fifth.[9] Such categories may be an intermediate state between male and female, a state of sexlessness, or a distinct gender not dependent on male and female gender roles. Joan Roughgarden argues that in some non-human animal species, there can also be said to be more than two genders, in that there might be multiple templates for behavior available to individual organisms with a given biological sex.[10]
There is debate over to what extent gender is a social construct and to what extent it is a biological construct. One point of view in the debate is social constructionism, which suggests that gender is entirely a social construct. Contrary to social constructionism is essentialism which suggests that it is entirely a biological construct. Others’ opinions on the subject lie somewhere in between.
Some gender associations are changing as society changes, yet much controversy exists over the extent to which gender roles are simply stereotypes, arbitrary social constructions, or natural innate differences.”

How interesting is THAT? Maybe she’s onto something! 😀

side note: I’m going to have to get back to that “Native American Two-Spirit people” idea…..

So, let’s say Yahoo 360 is released in India… People there should be complaining that there are only two divisions as well. Do you get the extra genders if you register in India?!?! 😀 hehehe Maybe she should make a foreign account and see what happens.

While we’re at it… Where’s the part where we get to declare that we have several wives? Shouldn’t the sultans be up in arms about this? How come we can’t go on Match.com and declare that we have 8 wives and are looking to date? 😀 All we get to put is stuff like “married” “single” “in a relationship”… Isn’t this as bad as *ONLY* having Male and Female to choose from in gender selection? :O Where’s the selection for “I’m screwing several chicks right now, and I’m looking for more women that want to get with this program?” hahahaha

Well… I’m off to research how gender is a social construct and learn about the Two-Spirit people! 😀

Character

The most important aspect of a relationship is trust. Without trust, you have nothing at all. If someone tells you they’re going to be somewhere at a particular time, you have to be able to trust that they’re going to be there. Otherwise, you have zero incentive to show up when they told you to meet them. If someone tells you they’re only involved with you, you have no reason to believe them if their word doesn’t mean anything… If someone tells you they’re pregnant and their word is worthless, you won’t believe them when they tell you it’s yours. There are an infinite number of chicks that went on Maury swearing up and down that so-and-so was the father, and according to the DNA test, he was NOT! 😀 OTOH, there are tons of guys that went on that show swearing they WEREN’T the father, and they were.

So… TRUST is CRITICAL. However… Trust is worthless if the person doesn’t have any character. No constitution. No integrity. If we consider TRUST to be a finger plugging a hole in a dam, CHARACTER is the ability to KEEP that finger in the dam. This is another area where people fall short in relationships. They’re perfectly trustworthy, but that trust is easily broken by someone mentally superior to them or by their own shortcomings. How many times have we heard people say they cheated because they were drunk? Whose fault is THAT? :/ The cheater is at fault, because even if they were trustworthy, their ability to keep their promise to someone disappeared when they got drunk. Even if they were so drunk that they were incapacitated and someone took advantage of them, they’re STILL at fault, because they drank so much that they put themselves in that position. Unless it was the very first time, and they had no idea they could get that drunk, they’ve been there before and they allowed themselves to go there again. If they promised someone they’d be faithful to them, they destroyed their own ability to maintain that promise.

Even without being inebriated, people demonstrate their lack of character and they chalk it up to “temptation”. What’s THAT supposed to mean? :/ You’re saying you can be faithful until ANYONE ELSE offers you something to do. Temptation? You mean like a snake came out of a tree with an apple and you ate it temptation? You mean like “an offer you couldn’t refuse” temptation? What kind of temptation is it that makes your word suddenly meaningless? It’s not temptation. It’s lack of character. You couldn’t stand on your own word, so as much as you might have meant well by promising something to someone, you don’t have the personal power or strength of character to deliver on that promise.

Women: Career vs. Kids vs. tick tick tick

Penelope Trunk: “For example, sixty percent of women with MBAs are working at home, and an epidemic number of women are leaving corporate life when their children come. Women approaching age thirty face these statistics.”

Children are incredibly influential on women… biologically… This was used a lot in passing over women for promotions because the company didn’t want to lose a manager to maternity leave. That’s probably been changed now, by law, but there’s a tremendous effect on women simply when they realize that they’re pregnant. Their focus and priorities change immediately, as they well should. I think a lot of women underestimate their ability to handle the situation differently from men. Obviously, since men don’t get pregnant, there are no internal biological changes tugging their lives in a different direction than “career”.

Work and Family by 30 is a pretty lofty goal to begin with. Work should be pretty easy, since the average person who doesn’t get left back in school graduates @ 21, that leaves nine years to get it together….. assuming that the person is content NOW with the career they have because of what they took in college, which they decided on when they were 17 years old. Family, on its own, is easy as well by 30… at least getting INTO family is. I don’t know about age/divorce correlation, so I’m not aware of how many couples married before 30 are still married by 40.

Doing both together is a longshot unless the woman knows ahead of time what her plan is and is able to focus on and be effective in starting/maintaining a satisfying, progressive career while looking for and corralling “Mr. Right”, who happens to A) want to get married to her and B) have kids with her. This is why it makes sense that women would leave the workforce entirely or work at home, because it’s much tougher to work on Family after 35. They can get back to Career when their family life stabilizes….

… hehe assuming they’re not already pregnant again. 🙂