So, this week, this millionaire dude is on the show and Patti asks him what he’s looking for in a female. He basically says that his only requirement is that he wants her to have an ass like Kim Kardashian:
There seems to be some confusion amongst some of the members of the female community about the value of making and attempting to distribute a sex tape “starring” yourselves.
I’m sorry to inform you that sex tapes are played out. Continue reading “Sex Tapes Are Played Out”
Manhattan has garbage collection days. They don’t come get the garbage every day. This means that when stores know that the day is coming up, they bring all their garbage bags from the basement and pile them up out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes, it’s only three bags, but it could easily be 10-20 garbage bags making their own little mountain out in the street.
The point is that the garbagemen are going to come get the bags in the wee hours of the morning so that your customers never see a stack of garbage out in front of your restaurant or whatever.
Meanwhile, this is the exact same time that people go out to party here. A lot of times, people don’t even ARRIVE to bars before midnight, and since the bars close around 4:30am, there’s often a correlation between when drunk-ass-people stumble their asses out of a bar and when this mountain of garbage bags is chillin’ outside, waiting to get picked up. Continue reading “Ass Out, In The Garbage (Homegirl Epic Failure)”
Now I know that this post I came across is supposed to be humorous… as are some DatingGenius posts… but I think it’s excellent as a case study, so let’s take a quick look at Tristan Miller’s post from 1999, entitled “Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend”. Basically, Tristan’s breaking down the problem mathematically:
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5,592,830,000
…who are female: 2,941,118,000
…in “developed” countries: 605,601,000
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65,399,083
…who are beautiful: 1,487,838
…and intelligent: 236,053
…and not already committed: 118,027
…and also might like me: 18,726
MAN, do I love this article! 😀 I could read it every day! 😀 hahaha
Clearly, here’s the problem, as mentioned in the endnotes & references for the article:
2. â†‘ After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions.
As I mentioned in “Life Isn’t Fair”, all guys are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend. We also aren’t all lucky enough to live in New York City, where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a chick. So, it’s possible that due to the combination of a lack of available females and a lack of your being better than the next man (who always pulls the fly chicks before you do), that you find yourself in a similar situation, where it seems like there’s no way out. However… There’s CERTAINLY a way around this problem. All you have to do is…
That’s it! Problem solved! 😀 All of a sudden, there are hundreds… THOUSANDS of chicks newly available to you, and you get to pass your genes into the next generation! 😀
Here are five (5) tips on how to enhance your dating life by lowering your standards. Apply any one of these tips and watch your “dance card” fill up! 🙂 ***NOTE*** Only apply ONE of these tips at a time! :O Combining two or more of them has been known to lead to severe depression as well as plummeting self-esteem.
1. Consider dating girls that do not have an ass.
Yes. I know. I know. 🙁 This is amazingly drastic, and I really should have saved it for last, but since most people can’t read, I wanted to get it out on the table before they click away to some stupid video about Monster Trucks. This is really… I mean… You DON’T want to do this, but if you really find yourself on the bottom of the totem pole, where fewer than 20,000 chicks on the planet would want to date you, it’s time to pull out the stops. So that’s tip #1. Date her even though she doesn’t have an ass. This will IMMEDIATELY double your dating options… unless you live in Boston, which means your options quadruple.
***NOTE*** Only try this tip with girls that are really, really, really, REALLY CUTE, so at least you enjoy looking at them from the front. 😀
2. Consider dating girls that are grossly out of shape.
This society has a really stupid policy of not differentiating between girls that happen to be thicker than other girls, yet are still in proper shape/proportion… and chicks that are actually obese. A chick that’s heavier but still shapely can still be physically attractive. The problems occur when you’re scratching your head like “hmm… that’s not supposed to curve in that direction 🙁 “. However, as the saying goes… “Beggars can’t be Choosers”, so you might have to take one for the team this time. Think of it this way… You don’t have to worry about guys kicking it to your girl at the restaurant when you step off to the bathroom.
This is especially useful if YOU aren’t in good shape. I mean, “fair’s fair”, right? 🙂
3. Consider dating a facially unattractive chick.
This is a REALLY BAD IDEA unless people tend to grow on you… and FAST! Being that this isn’t the Middle East, you’re going to have a really hard time convincing her to cover her entire face, except for her eyes.
image from “Fashion Freedom – Women’s Wear in the Middle East”
Fortunately, those large, gaudy sunglasses are in style now, so you can probably get over by making sure she wears the biggest shades you can find… well, at least until Summer’s over.
Also, you’ll need to practice getting around your crib in the dark so you don’t have to turn on the lights when she comes over.
Again, this is a REALLY bad idea, and usually completely unsustainable unless she has a totally bangin’ body, so let’s just forget about this one unless you need it for a REALLY rainy day.
4. Consider dating a complete imbecile.
I know. I know… You’re wondering “Now.. How am I supposed to know she’s an idiot?”. Well… You’re going to have to actually talk to her… and then, when you’re finished talking, you have to actually LISTEN to her response and check to see if what she said makes any sense. Now, normally, when you find out she’s a dummy, it’s like “…gave her a token and said ‘Shalom’!” (Shalom, being a word in Hebrew that means “Peace”, which is U.S. slang for “GOOD-BYE!” 😀 ) But, let’s not be hasty. Let’s consider the upside to dating a chick with an IQ in the double-digits.
You don’t have to be very intelligent to outsmart her.
She’s likely to forget that she did the dishes last night and do them again tonight.
She’ll let her sister stay over your house while she works the night shift @ the bowling alley.
hmm… That’s about it. 🙁 Generally, dumb chicks are more trouble than they’re worth.
5. Consider dating girls that do not like you.
Guys do this all the time. All you need is a fancy car or a yacht or something. Just get something she can’t afford, and she’ll hang out with you so she can be seen in and around your property. 🙂
***NOTE*** With chicks like this, be sure to keep your Condom Game tight… Other guys own stuff, too.