Making Out & Exclusive Commitments

A reader recently asked me something I’ve never thought about before.

She asked me if my opinions in “Why You Got Dumped After Sex” also applied to lesser formats of hooking up, like making out, hummers, etc… Continue reading “Making Out & Exclusive Commitments”

Sorry… That’s Not Love

Purplecar called my attention last night to a post on by Wendy Atterberry called “Why women shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ first”. There were some decent points in the post, in the typical advice column fashion:

Wendy: “But an ‘I love you’ uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn’t feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn’t get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.”

I’m sure that this scenario plays itself out every single day, all around the world. I think the advice is valid for the way people approach “Love”. The problem is that lots of people have a retarded idea of what “Love” actually is.

I know this is going to be hard for you to process, because it so complex, but bear with me for a minute… you ready?… The reality of the situation is:

You Love Who You Love

That’s it. There’s nothing more that matters in that sentence. Everything else is on the fringe… window dressing. There are only two states. You love someone or you don’t. Period. There may be REASONS why you love this person, but that has nothing to do with the STATE of feeling love or being in love. Continue reading “Sorry… That’s Not Love”

Happy Together

I have this friend… We’ll call him “B”……. And… NO, it’s not ME! :/ This isn’t one of those “I have a friend” confessional stories.

So, I met “B” and hung out with him a couple of times and like Arianna supposedly said, I metabolize experiences fast, so I pretty much knew what to expect from “B” when he was on the scene. He had a consistent demeanor and was an overall nice guy and a thoughtful person.

So, fast forward a few months, and I arrive at this cookout, and I see that “B” got there before I did, and he’s talking to a chick. So I’m like “aiiiiiiiite? Way to go, “B”, get your rap ON! πŸ˜€ “… So I walk up to them, and tell “B” ‘hi’, and he introduces me to the woman he’s chatting with, whom we’ll call “V”. I spoke with “V” briefly, as I was just arriving and needed to know where they had stashed the brews!

I excused myself to grab a beer and when I turned back around to look in B & V’s direction, I noticed something out of the ordinary. B was smiling too much! πŸ˜€ Just. Too. Damned. Much! haha It was completely outside of his “normal” demeanor. I stayed over by the brews, observing, but it just didn’t go away! B just kept smiling and smiling and smiling and smiling. Rapt attention, hanging on every single word V was saying. V was smiling also, but that might have been perfectly normal for her, since I had never met her before.

Eventually, I went over and re-joined the conversation, and it just didn’t stop. It was on some kind of Stepford Wives ish, except BOTH OF THEM were brainwashed, and not just the chick. πŸ˜€

At some point, they left the party, but not before I became aware that B was dating V. They just walked off into the sunset, smiling their asses off like the people in Whoville before The Grinch stole their Christmas.

Fast forward a few more months, and I got to hang out with B & V again, still smiling their asses off, except now they’re married. This took me back to a situation where I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she asked me something like “How old do guys have to be before they’re ready to settle down?”. I knew who she was dating at the time, and didn’t want to tell her she just WASN’T THE ONE that was going to inspire him to “settle”. It doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with how old a guy is or some change that’s supposed to occur within his system on its own. It has EVERYTHING to do with the difference that it makes to him that SHE’S around.
Here in NYC, we meet women every single day…. at least *I* do. I’ll be meeting some more tonight, and some more tomorrow night. *yawn*. When I saw B talking to V, I thought he was starting his rap, but he was in the midst of it. AFAIK, he could have met her right there at that cookout, but it turns out he had brought her with him. *NOTE* That’s a pretty good sign, ladies. If a guy starts dragging you around to social engagements, that normally means that he prefers YOUR company to the random odds of the company he’ll encounter at the event.

Another good sign is that he looked like there was some kind of magnet pulling him towards V, hahaha like it would have been a pain or a struggle to look somewhere else or listen to what someone else had to say when she was right there to be enjoyed, verbally and visually.

Bill C. up to no good... as usualSo the point is, if you want to know how your relationship’s doing, don’t ask The Kid, πŸ˜€ Use your “woman’s intuition” to determine whether or not you have ANY effect on him whatsoever. If you don’t, your relationship probably won’t be escalating anywhere anytime soon. If you do, he may already be as into you as he’s going to be, which means that regardless of what he CALLS your relationship, he’s “bout-it bout-it” when it comes to you. That’s obviously way more important than whether he gives you a new title or puts a ring on your finger.

I saw the same thing happen with another friend of mine. I had already “metabolized” how he interacted with chicks and then I hung out with him one time with this new chick (meaning *I* had never seen her before), and I swore up and down she had to be his cousin or something, because of his totally different demeanor around her. He was a lot more calm and “chill”. He was clearly where he wanted to be and around someone he loved to be around. That was the difference that SHE made in his life. They’re not married yet, but he bought her a couch, which is pretty much the same thing. πŸ˜€

Also, in both cases, the women in question weren’t doing anything. Nothing. πŸ™‚ Not cooking, not cleaning, not sexing, not dancing, not trying to be sultry, not dressed in any particular fashion, probably not excessively rich (though I don’t know), both attractive but neither a model… just by being themselves, they brought incredible amounts of enjoyment to their men, which made a difference and made them the cream that rose to the top.

So that’s the answer, ladies. It has nothing to do with WHEN he’ll feel committed to you and everything to do with how he feels when you’re around. If you don’t feel like he’s really feelin’ ya, it’s time to step your game up, get comfortable with your relationship as-is, or step to the left and spend time with someone who honestly, authentically enjoys your company and appreciates you for who you are.


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