I touched on this briefly in “Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]“, but if you’re putting together a crew of dudes to pull chicks or even just working with one other guy, Team Selection is CRITICAL.

Sometimes, the reason you don’t get on is that you doomed yourself from the beginning by selecting the wrong team for the job.

Everybody’s not effective in all situations.

Just like Mission: Impossible, you have to figure out where you’re going, what the atmosphere is, what kind of women go there, which of your wingmen are effective with that particular demographic, and then who amongst that subset of your cronies is most likely to add value to the situation and least likely to fumble.

Jersey Shore

I felt like talking about this today because the ‘Jersey Shore’ dudes have this weirdo style of team-rapping. Every time you see them pull chicks, it’s in pairs. It’s really weird. :D

The problem with always picking up multiple chicks is that you’re multiplying your likelihood of failure. Instead of only having ONE female whose mood you have to regulate, you now have TWO. That’s bad enough to begin with, but then, similar to the Bechdel Test, they’re actually talking to each other, which is just about the worst thing that can happen. :(

So the question becomes “Did you pull the girls from the club because you wanted to mess with them or because you wanted to enjoy some kind of weirdo event with your homeboy where you hook up and he watches you and your girl from 15 feet away while he’s eating a sandwich?”.

As a side note, Vinny deserves props for salvaging his HORRIBLE RAP to Ramona. She seems to be having a very good time with Vinny now, so kudos to him on that! :D

Who Is He?

The first thing you need to know is WHO your wingman is, or perhaps what station he currently occupies in life. This is important because y’all might not be seeing chicks the same way, which could lead to disastrous results.

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re a single dude and you’re hanging out with a dude that’s married (and happens not to cheat on his wife). He’s not seeing any of the girls in your vicinity as potential targets, so he’s liable to do and say some REEEEEEEEEALLY STUPID THINGS.

What difference does it make to him if he alienates the chicks? That has no effect whatsoever on his wife giving him some when he goes home. What difference does it make if he makes himself (and you, by association) look like a JERK?.. None.

No matter what he does, his ability to get laid is insulated. This makes him dangerous and a potential liability to your rap at any stage of the game.

This week, on ‘Jersey Shore’, Pauly pulls these two chicks and they come back to the crib with him and Mike and when they get there, it turns out that Mike’s girl for the night isn’t DTF.

Instead of doing THE RIGHT THING and taking this extra chick to the kitchen or wherever so Pauly can get laid, Mike starts “calling a ho a ho”, which is NEVER good policy.

The LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is tell a chick that you know she’s easy. Even hoes want to feel like they’re hard to get. YOUR goal in life is to let them believe that long enough for you to hook up with them.

So, not only does Mike call the chick a ho, but he informs her directly (and in front of the OTHER ho) that because she’s not going to perform, she has to get out of his bed right now and chill in the living room. :D HAHAHA Not only did he simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap by pointing out his girl for the night’s station in life, but what sense did it make for him to kick the other chick out of the room and remain in the room HIMSELF, spectating Pauly’s action?

Actually, this brings me to the next section..

How Desperate Is He?

Desperation is a good trait in a wingman.. to a degree. You want your teammate to be rather interested in pulling new chicks for tonight because that’s what the game’s all about. If you teamed up with the married dude, he might not be hungry enough to be effective, AND will probably end up being a liability as I mentioned earlier.

OTOH.. You don’t want dude to be so desperate that he loses his mind and forgets what the goal of the evening is. The goal is not for the two of youse as a TEAM to get laid. After you extract the chicks from the club, it’s every man for himself. If your girl fronts, it’s your job to keep her from cockblocking your boy, because that’s what you want him to do for you on that night that will be coming up soon where your girl is DTF and his isn’t.

If you look at Mike’s behavior, it’s just stupid. What did he suspect was going to happen when he told the chick essentially “If you’re not giving it up, get out of my bed AND get out of my room, because the only reason I invited you over was to **** you”? :D haha Did he think she was going to go “Oh.. Damn.. You’re right about that.. My Bad! :/” and lay down and give it up?

That’s absolutely ridiculous, so in dissing her by telling her that her only value to him was the late-night hookup, all he did was simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap too. If you’re calling the chick that WOULDN’T hook up with you a ho and kicking her out of bed, what does that make her homegirl feel like that’s still laying down with Pauly? o_O

So you want your wingman to be desperate enough to put in good work, but you DON’T want him to be so desperate that he catches feelings for not getting laid and ruins the night for YOU in the process.

What’s His Style?

If you’re going to Brooklyn, bring a hipster with you. If you’re going to an upscale Manhattan club, bring a dude in a suit that has class & style and won’t be intimidated by quality women. If you’re going to a ghetto party or social club, bring a ghetto dude.

“Styles Make Fights”. You have to select the proper team member(s) for each mission. Bringing the ghetto dude to the hipster party does you no good. Bringing the hipster to the Manhattan party does you no good.

Basically, you want your team to blend into the surroundings but simultaneously have an edge over other squads that are trying to pull the same girls. At the end of the day, women are women, or, how do they say?.. “All cats are grey in the dark”. Regardless of whatever your wingman’s style of dress or demeanor is, if he doesn’t know how to deal with women in general, you’re pretty much screwed. You might actually do better by bringing the ghetto guy that knows his way around women to the hipster party than bringing a dude that looks the part but isn’t contributing JACK-**** to the team getting on.

How Does He Pull Girls?

It’s very important to know what it is about a potential teammate that the ladies like. It’s also important to know what skillz he’s bringing to the table that help him to bypass roadblocks.

For instance.. Mike gets girls because of his stomach. No chick has ever called him handsome in the history of ‘Jersey Shore’. No chick has ever complimented him on his gift of gab. Every time you see girls around him in the club, it’s because he’s lifting his shirt and letting them touch his stomach. In the entire.. what?.. 22 episodes over two seasons of ‘Jersey Shore’, I’ve never seen Mike salvage a rap by talking the chick into hooking up with him. If she’s not DTF because of his body and/or because he’s a reality television star, it seems like he can’t pull a non-grenade to save his life.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to recognize that that’s what he’s bringing to the table as a wingman. It’s like the strong guy on Mission: Impossible. You didn’t hire him to program any computers. You didn’t hire him to do any good acting. You hired him to lift things and beat people up. That was his job, because that’s what he was good for.

Similarly.. If you’re going to a club where girls give it up because a guy works out a lot, bring Mike. If you’re going to a hotel bar to meet women that expect intelligent & stimulating conversation, DO NOT bring Mike. :D

In fact, this is what confused me about the entire second season of ‘Jersey Shore’. The name of the show is…. JERSEY… SHORE… How in the **** are you going to film a season in Miami? Their style doesn’t even play well in Miami. It only works at Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and MAAAAAAYBE out on Long Island. That’s like making a show called “Harlem World” and filming the second season in the Lower East Side, or Kansas for that matter. It doesn’t make any sense.

Of course, they probably ended up calling it ‘Jersey Shore’ because all the other names they wanted to use for the show got rejected. \o/

Anyway.. If you’re going out with intelligent women, don’t bring a ditzy bodybuilding dude to back you up. If you’re going out with girls that are looking for “Gorilla Juice-Heads”, don’t bring a scrawny, artsy, intellectual dude with no physique.

It’s your job to bring dudes with you that the women you’re trying to hook up with are going to like just as much as it’s your job to find chicks that your boys are going to want to try to bring back to the hot tub.

Two Strikes, And You’re Out!

I’ve paid my dues. I’ve put in my *HOURS* of sitting around, chatting up chicks I didn’t give a flying **** about so my boy could screw her girlfriend in another room.

That’s probably why I don’t have any sympathy for these lame situations. It’s very simple. The goal is for everyone on the team to have a “good night”. If it works out that one dude pulls a DTF chick and someone else doesn’t, rally ’round the ******* FLAG and help your boy do what he’s trying to do.

One of these days, YOU’RE gonna be the only guy that pulled a viable chick and you’re going to appreciate your comrades assisting your efforts to reach The Dragon’s Lair.

Pretty much, a dude should be allowed to jack up your rap TWICE, maximum. The first time is when you didn’t know he was so stupid as to say or do what he did that made the girls scowl and scamper away instead of handing out contact information. The second time is after you TELL HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG and tell him how to fix it and inform him that you don’t intend to be cockblocked by his ridiculous antics ever again.

If he screws it up after that, don’t invite him on missions anymore. If he shows up by accident, distance yourself from him so you don’t suffer from guilt by association.

As much hard work as you put into crafting your image and demeanor, if you don’t surround yourself with the correct teammates, it’s all for naught because someone else is going to kick a hole in the boat and sink your rap for you.

If you don’t know what someone’s going to do or you suspect he’s going to do the wrong thing, you’re probably better off going solo and hannlin’ yo bidnezz on your own… You know what they say… “If you want something done right….” >:D
–
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A reader recently asked me a question about looking desperate. It was the basic situation of not wanting to overdo it or under-do it when contacting someone you want to kick it to.

If you contact them too much, you look desperate. If you contact them too little, you look disinterested. If you look disinterested, they might turn off to you. If you look desperate, they might think you’re a Herb or a psycho stalker.

This was an issue in one of my favorite movies, “Swingers” by Jon Favreau.

Mikey got a number from this chick, right? :)

So he’s all excited about it but he wants to seem like he’s cool about it.

When he goes back, he asks his friends, who are actual players, how long he should wait to call her. They tell him to wait two days.

Of course, Mikey gets overexcited and calls her several times on the same night he met her, fumbling the position.

So, the problem, to the casual viewer, seems to be that Mikey called her too soon. That’s not actually the problem. That’s the equivalent of women thinking that they got dumped after sex for giving it up too soon (especially on the first date).

Here’s the real problem…

Desperate People Look Desperate

See how that works? You got treated like a desperate person because you WERE desperate. Most of the time when people don’t want to LOOK desperate, it’s because they FEEL desperate. O_o

Desperate people look desperate REGARDLESS of how long they wait to contact someone. Similarly, when a guy plans to dump a girl after having sex with her, it doesn’t matter at all how long she plays it off like she doesn’t want to give him some. As soon as she does it, if she hasn’t demonstrated some other value to him that he decides to stick around for, he’s Swayze (Ghost).

If you meet someone on Wednesday and contact them on Thursday, that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re desperate. It could also mean that you just REALLY want to spend time with them, which, believe it or not, is completely different. :)

Similarly, if you meed someone on Wednesday and contact them NEXT WEDNESDAY, that doesn’t mean you’re COOL either! :D All that FRONTIN’ you did, only to arrive one week later, just as *SHOOK* as you were last week, haha What did all that delaying get you?.. I mean, of course, besides giving other people six days to butt in on your rap so that by the time you call/text, that person already deleted your number and forgot what you look like.

So your problem isn’t how soon you do something, it’s how you feel about yourself when you do it.

For example.. Let’s say I met a gal at 9pm and she gave me her number.

I might very well text her at 11pm to see what she’s doing.

I might text her the next morning around 10am.

I might text her the next day around lunchtime to see what her plans are for that evening.

If I met her on a Thursday, I might not text her until Monday if I already have plans for Friday & Saturday.

I might very well not text her at all, evAr. :D

I can do whatever the **** I want to do because I’m not desperate. I couldn’t possibly care any less whether she returns my texts, blocks my number or joins me for drinks. It doesn’t matter. If she’s not interested, I’ll call someone else or meet a new chick on the fly. It’s no big deal.

Go With The Flow

The problem occurs when a dude’s like “OMG! I *HOPE* I GET THE RAP TO THIS GALLLLL!!!!! :O” and then he wants to SEEM like he’s cool about the situation. That’s not going to work. That’s like being afraid of a dog but trying to trick the dog by standing still AS IF you’re not afraid of it. Good Luck with that! :D

So forget about what day you’re going to contact her and what you’re going to say and what you’re going to offer her and where you’re going to take her and what her friends are going to think about you and what you’re going to wear….. Get your MIND RIGHT so you can go with the flow regardless of what happens.

It’s also possible that you CAN’T get your mind right because this one rap to this one girl *IS* that important to you. :) If that’s the case, use your nervousness to your advantage instead of trying to suppress it. If you think she looks HAWT, tell her that. If you think she’s really smart or respectable, tell her that. Trust & Believe you’re WAAAAY better off getting comfortable with your own discomfort than trying to teach yourself how to act cool when you’re not.

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Today, May 06, 2009, is the eighth annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. As the world-renowned DatingGenius (not to mention, the author of “How To Avoid Pregnancy” and “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method!”), I feel it’s my duty to inform you how to keep your kids out of the Teen Pregnancy zone.

Boredom -> Pregnancy

Teens are BORED. Teens have nothing to do with their time. GIVE your kids something to do, or they will FIND something to do. Enroll them in Karate or Piano Lessons or a Dance Company.

Make them play Football or Softball or SOMETHING! This way, they’re having fun, they’re spending their time learning things and achieving goals and hopefully, at the end of the day, they’ll be too tired from all that physical and mental exercise to have sex! :D

Give Your Kids Money

There are lots of things that teenagers WOULD do IF they could afford it. Last I checked, going to the movies in NYC costs around $12 for each person, and that’s if you want to sit there without popcorn, soda, etc the entire time.

This is why you need to give your kids money. If teens have money, they’ll go DO THINGS. They’ll go to a restaurant to eat. They’ll go to museums and learn about King Tut. They’ll go skating in a roller rink instead of in the street. Besides… In case none of these distractions work, they’ll have money to spend on condoms.

If you think I’m kidding, make sure you consider these two things:

1. Going to the movies costs money
2. Girls are free

If you ask your daughter how much that guy paid her to get some, (not like she’d tell you to begin with, but) she’s going to say “NOTHING”. If you ask that same teenager how much he paid to see Terminator Salvation, he’s going to say $12. Get the picture?

Same thing for the arcade. Same thing for the batting cages. Same thing for that video game he wants that costs $60 and he could play in his house ad infinitum. Same thing for going snowboarding. Same thing for buying roller hockey equipment. EVERYTHING costs money, except for chicks.. so if you don’t want your son out there in the streets scrambling to get on, make sure he has some ducats so he can do something PRODUCTIVE with his time.

Don’t Be Such A Jerk

We all know you need to ‘put your foot down’ as a parent in order for your kids to respect/fear you, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want to be so much of a JERK that your kids don’t want to talk to you when they have problems or issues. What you need is for them to see you as someone smarter and with more experience that can guide them if they can’t figure out something for themselves, or at least point them in what you think is the right direction.

What you DON’T want is for them to feel like telling you ANYTHING is going to get them punished, in which case you will experience a Media Blackout. You won’t find out ANYTHING about your son or daughter until the school, the cops or the clinic contacts you, and by then, it’s too late.

Make sure they know that you’re THE LAW, but also that you’re willing to hear them out and be fair about things. How many kids would have avoided teen pregnancy if they could have come to their parents honestly instead of getting their advice from other kids on the street? You have to be an ally. You need to be on their side of things, although you’re clearly in command. You need to be a General and not a Warden.

Be Nice To Your Kids

A lot of teens are out in the streets looking for affection they never got at home. While you’re so busy playing tough-guy and king-of-the-castle, your kids are spending time with people they actually LIKE and who act like they like THEM.

Figure out stuff you can do with your kids. Figure out ways to let them know they’re loved and build their self-esteem. Don’t send them out in the world looking for codependent relationships to “complete” themselves. Send them out the door knowing who they are and that they’re fantastic people and have a support system behind them and they’re not on their own in this world. Don’t have them running around trying to have kids so they have someone that will love them unconditionally. That’s YOUR job.

Handle your business before some teenager handles it for you.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
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There’s been a lot of talk this week about what a guy should and shouldn’t do when his girl acts up. The majority of people who chimed in said “A man should *never* hit a woman”. Fewer people remarked “If she raises her hands like a man, she should be prepared to get dealt with like a man”. The way I see it… If you even have to THINK about fighting with your “significant other”, you’re dating the wrong person.

Here are my top 5 tips on how to NOT let your girl stress you out:

1) Get more girls

Did you ever notice that every time we hear about some kind of male vs. female violence, it’s always some dude that only has ONE chick? Think about that. When was the last time you heard of a guy that had multiple girlfriends getting into something physical with one of them? Never.

That’s because that guy has CHOICE. He has OPTIONS. If one chick’s trippin’ out, you just don’t talk to her until she gets her mind right. Case closed. *wiping hands* If she doesn’t get her mind right… Who cares? You’re still living the life you want to live, except SHE’S not involved in it.

Guys with one chick can’t afford this “I don’t need her, I’ll let the welfare feed her” mental state. When you remove a gal from the roster, it makes a huge difference whether you’re going from 4 girlfriends to 3 or from 1 girlfriend to 0. Zero Women is a state or condition that you want to avoid at all costs. Women come in handy from time to time, and it’s extremely stressful when you’re like “D-OH! Don’t Got None!”.

Because guys can’t afford to lose their last chick, if they only have one left, they tend to let things slide that otherwise would have gotten that gal excommunicated. These situations build up and build up until sometimes, unfortunately, the guy gets so stressed out that he flips the %&$# out and does something retarded and regrettable.

When you have more than one girlfriend, and one of them starts jumping up and down on your last nerve… Stop talking to her. Lose her number for a month or two. If she wants to know what happened, man up and tell her why she’s “persona non grata”. After that, it’s her choice to amend her behavior and be readmitted or keep acting like a jerk and get her kicks somewhere else. Either way, you end up interacting with ONLY women that want to have a good time with you, which is what life’s all about! ;)

2) Date chicks with low self-esteem

If you insist on just having one chick… or you just can’t stand to listen to how more than one woman’s day was within a 24-hour period, make sure you select one with low self-esteem.

The only thing worse than “Zero Women” for a guy is “Zero Men” for a gal. Women have it easy here in the USA. All they have to do is a) look good, and b) go outside, and they can have a boyfriend. Not being in a relationship is extremely stressful for women who aren’t comfortable with themselves as-is. They worry about why the high school dropout girl (with the bangin’ body) that flips burgers at the fast food restaurant has her boyfriend waiting to pick her up when her shift is over, and they don’t have anyone when they have three degrees and are CEOs of their own successful startups.

So make sure you’re dating a gal that wants to avoid “Zero Men” at all costs, and you’re in there like Belvedere. She’s much more likely to pay attention and follow the rules. There are at least two problems with this though. First of all, it might be really boring dating a chick that always does what she’s supposed to do. Second, it could backfire on you if she gets really desperate and aggressive when she feels like she’s heading for “Zero Men” status. So you want her to not be a troublemaker, but at the same time, you want her to have her own life outside of spending time with YOU.

3) Hannle yo bidnezz in the bedroom

Chicks aren’t troublemakers by nature… They’re just bored. They think to themselves “Hmm… I’m bored, and I don’t know how to play SOCOM or HALO, so let me get my man to take out the trash!”

Fortunately for you, women are easily distracted by sex.

Hit it proppah and her thought process becomes “I’m gonna get my man to….. OH, he’s watching the game! Let me take out that pesky trash myself!”. Came home late, and she’s running her mouth? Give her some “special attention” and watch her attitude dissipate into thin air.

4) Drink alcoholic beverages

When a woman gets on your nerves, nothing calms you down more than forgetting that you ever met her. :) Joe & Riccardi recommend scotch. I like beer, or especially tequila. Maybe my nervous system doesn’t work properly, because Heavy Metal calms me down and R&B makes me feel upset… but tequila smooths me out and makes everything light & breezy… ahhhhhh.

Don’t overdo it though, by going for aggressive beverages including rum or vodka. You’re aiming for “I know she said something, but I’m really not sure what it was….”, not “WHAT???… WHAT DID SHE SAY TO ME???”

Also, before utilizing this technique, make sure you have the numbers of several car service or cab companies. If you run out of beer, you’ll need a way to get her out of your crib without drinking and driving before the alcohol wears off.

5) Screen women before dating them

Now I know you met her at the party and she was looking “Good Than A Mug” and all that, but hold your horses. Step to the left and break out your g1 right quick so you can Google her. You should immediately see GirlYou’reTryingToKickItTo.com as well as a couple of the Social Media sites she frequents.

If all she has is a Myspace account, well… You know what time THAT is. Act accordingly. If she’s on Facebook, she’s probably legit. Linkedin? RATHER legit! OTOH, if she’s ghost on the internet, that’s normally not a good sign haha. I mean, it’s not a dealbreaker, like as if she doesn’t own a Macbook Pro, but it probably indicates that there are no checks & balances.

With all the connectivity we have in 2009, there’s just about no reason to date anyone that NOBODY that you know is willing to or able to vouch for. Make sure you get your e-Stalk on SOONER rather than LATER so you don’t end up in the tabloids!

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
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First of all, nobody knows what happened (if anything) the other day between Chris Brown & Rihanna. You know how the internet works… Somebody says something and somebody else believes it and reports it as truth then somebody else exaggerates the first “truth” and you end up with all this garbage.

Here’s some of what the Associated Press (AP) reported yesterday:

John Rogers: LOS ANGELES (AP) — Chris Brown, who was arrested a week ago in connection with a domestic violence investigation, said Sunday he is “sorry and saddened” by what happened and is seeking counseling from his pastor and loved ones.

The 19-year-old R&B singer also said much of what has been reported of the incident is untrue, although he did not elaborate.

“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person,” Brown said in a statement issued through publicist Michael Sitrick.

“Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and-or reported in the media is wrong,” he added. But he said he couldn’t discuss that in detail until his case is resolved.

Brown surrendered to Los Angeles police on Feb. 8 and was released on $50,000 bail after being booked for investigation of making a criminal threat, a felony. He has not been charged by the district attorney’s office, which is still investigating the case.

His arrest reportedly stemmed from an argument with his girlfriend, fellow singer Rihanna, shortly after they left a pre-Grammy Awards party.

Now.. Other than that, there are a lot of rumors floating around. There’s a lot of SPECULATION about what started the argument, what happened during the argument, what was said during the argument and even what had occurred between them BEFORE that day, as far as physical altercations, none of which appear to stem from actual eye-witness accounts.

So let’s take a few of these rumored situations and discuss ways to deal with them… But first….

Where to start a fight

Photo Credit: TMZ

In case you don’t know what a Lamborghini is, this is what it looks like. It basically looks like a race car that belongs on the track or on television, except it’s rolling down the street like a pink elephant.

I don’t believe there has been one time, EVAR, that I have been in the presence of a Lamborghini and not looked at it until it was ALL THE WAY out of my line of sight. Never.

The point being… If you DID decide to kick someone’s ass and you intend to get away with it, inside a pink elephant with windows is NOT the place to do it. Even if you escape the scene, the witnesses are going to say “Well… I didn’t catch a glimpse of who it was…… but he drove off in a LAMBORGHINI.

On top of that, if you rented the car, you have to RETURN IT, and trust me, if rental places check for damage you caused in a U-Haul (which I know about), they’ll check for damage you caused IN A LAMBORGHINI (which I know nothing about).

ok.. On with the rumors:

Rumor 01: Another dude tapped Rihanna

I think the first rumor I heard about this situation was that the argument was about Rihanna hooking up with another dude. One option in this situation is to get upset and start a fight inside a rented Lamborghini. Another option is to attempt to verify this report, and if it turns out to be true, DUMP HER!… Meaning end the relationship, *not* dump her out of the rolling Lamborghini.

See, people tend to trap themselves in these so-called “relationships” with one person and then they get overly emotionally attached to what that one person does with their time or their bodies. The recognition that you actually have ZERO CONTROL over what your “significant other” does can cause people to temporarily or permanently LOSE IT big-time. There’s no preparing for this. It’s on-the-job training. You can say to somebody a million times “How would you feel if your girl gave it up to the next man?”, and no matter how many times they give you their thoughts on the matter, it’s an entirely different ball game in that split second where they actually BELIEVE it and they aren’t ready to handle it.

It’s important to note in these situations that while you have ZERO control over your S.O., you have 100% control over YOURSELF, which means that you can decide at any time that you’re no longer “in a relationship” with this chick and step to the left. Pull the car over to the sidewalk, give her a bus or subway token and say “Shalom”.

Why this doesn’t usually happen

Your girlfriend hooking up with another dude is most likely a ToS violation, which should result in her dismissal due to breach of contract. This should be especially true in the case of R&B singers. These are the guys that sing the songs that get OTHER. GUYS. LAID!… They shouldn’t have *any* problems getting a new girl TO-DAY, after they (no pun intended) “kick their girl to the curb”.

The problem here is pride. People like to feel proud of their relationships, as if they’ve actually done something. They like to feel like “I’ve got this girl/guy in DEEP CHECK!”. Letting go of the relationship doesn’t make them feel like a winner. It makes them feel like a loser. They feel like they couldn’t hold on to what they had or that someone else TOOK what they had away from them.

Take a step back. Recognize who you are as an individual and if your S.O. doesn’t want to comply with your ToS, let them go do whatever they want and choose a new girl from your groupies backstage at the concert. Seriously. It’s not that big a deal. Let it go.

Rumor 02: Chris got a text from another chick

The next unsubstantiated rumor I heard was that they were driving along, and Chris received a text message from some chick that wanted to hook up with him later on that evening. Somehow, Rihanna found out about this, and beef ensued.

First of all, if you’re the type of dude to a) have a girlfriend and b) still have OTHER girls that you mess with, ACT. AS. IF.:

1. Act as if your extra girls are going to call you while you’re rolling down the street in a rented Lamborghini.
2. DO NOT have your phone out in plain sight, where your girl can read the bootie-call message when it flashes on the screen while playing a ringtone from one of your own records about having sex with a girl behind your girlfriend’s back.
3. DO keep your phone locked at all times.
4. DO NOT honor your main squeeze’s requests to unlock your phone so she can see.

Unfortunately, even if the text/call you receive is “innocent” & platonic, there is nothing the next chick would like BETTER than to see you break up with your main girl. Nothing. All she needs to hear is that the two of you were spotted leaving XYZ establishment together in a nice car for her to go “OOOOOH!!! I’m gonna call him right now!”. Next thing you know, they’re suspending your commercial endorsement deals.

Question: Whose fault is this?

I just went back and looked over my list of ToS Violations, because I just realized that I left out “raising your hands to him”. I left it out, because stuff like that really doesn’t cross my mind. Getting hit by a chick that I’m messing with, “dating” or even FRIENDS WITH is absolutely unfathomable to me.

Anybody who’s actually hung out with me knows I’m extremely physical with chicks, in a win-win, “let’s both have a good time” way.

Sometimes, I get ahead of the game plan (not mine haha, hers!) and she’ll give me a verbal or physical notification that I’ve gone out of bounds.

Since my goal is for both of us to have a good time, we’ll talk about the issue, figure out the solution/boundary and then go back to “doing what we do”.

As far as I can recall, I’ve never been slapped by a chick when I didn’t fully deserve it.

Having said that… What I said above goes for WOMEN as much as it goes for men. In the hypothetical situation where your man receives a text message from another chick who wants to hook up with him, your responsibility is to “hold your head” or “maintain” or “keep your wits about you”, because you are NOT authorized to hit him because you lost your %&*#&$@ mind and didn’t know what to do with your nervous energy and suddenly-stressed emotional state other than put your hands up and strike a man.

I spoke about this in October, 2008 in “A Woman’s Place…”. While there are lots of guys that subscribe to “A man should *never* hit a woman under any circumstances”, there are enough men that DO NOT subscribe to this that make it DANGEROUS for women to hit men. Of course, there are also a lot of dangerous WOMEN that MEN don’t want to hit either hahaha, but the point is that being considered smaller or weaker than someone else does NOT give you carte blanche to physically lash out at that person and not expect for there to be consequences & repercussions.

This is why I disagree with elements of this recent Jay Smooth video where he interviews Elizabeth Mendez Berry, who wrote the Vibe magazine’s 2005 “Love Hurts” (PDF) feature about domestic violence within (and without) hip-hop:

4 minutes in, Jay says:

What do you say… I see so many reactions on the blog and stuff and a lot of it comes from women, saying “Well, if you expect to be equal, then if you hit him, you’ve got to expect he’s gonna hit you back. He’s got to be able to defend himself. What do you say to someone who’s looking at it that way?

And part of Elizabeth’s response is (and I understand that this was edited for brevity, so we don’t really know what her entire answer was):

[Edit point]I am responsible for my actions… If I hit my husband, he has every right to be upset with me… But the question is, does he have the right to hit me back? No. Each person is accountable for their own response and the choice that they make. [Edit Point] In a relationship, when you get upset, there’s a ton of different responses you could have. [Edit Point] And the question is… If I’m 5’4″ and I weigh 120 lbs, and my husband’s 6’5″, it’s not an equal and opposite reaction. [Edit Point]

Again… I know those were edited and we don’t know the entirety of what she said on the topic. Responding to the face value of her comments, as I’ve transcribed them in the blockquotes above, the first theory is absolutely wrong and the last statement isn’t a guarantee.

The way it works is… If you’re 5’4″ and your husband is 6’5″, survival instinct should dictate to you not to put your hands on him AT. ALL. Does that make sense?

Think about it this way… If you’re a 5’4″ female and you’re standing next to a 6′ tall female, are you going to put your hands on HER? Nope. Because she’ll beat you to a pulp and you won’t have anything to say about it because you’re both females.

Same thing with guys. Do shorter guys get a pass? Nope. You raise your hands to someone, that means you’re looking for a fight and you may very well get what you want. This is why in professional fighting (Boxing, MMA) they have WEIGHT CLASSES. They don’t allow the Welterweights to fight the Heavyweights. They don’t even allow the Light-Heavyweights to fight the Heavyweights.

So, at face value from the edit, her first theory is absolutely incorrect. The question isn’t whether her husband has the right to hit her back if she hits him. The question is whether she can control herself enough not to put her hands on him OR ANYONE ELSE in the first place.

The last part, where she mentions “equal and opposite reaction” isn’t guaranteed. If you slap somebody, they’re not obliged to slap you back and call it a day. You decided how you were going to start it and they’re going to decide how they want to finish it. This is why the high road in these situations is SELF CONTROL. Be the better man or woman when there’s a problem in your relationship. Recognize the alternatives and apply them when appropriate…. One of which is……..

Call the cops

That’s right. Call the cops.

If your girl can’t keep her hands to herself and you feel like you’re about to whip up on that ass, do yourself a favor and call the cops.

Turn her in.  Drop dime.

Hitting you is a ToS violation, so you’re going to break up with her anyway, right?.. So who cares if she’s on Rikers or not? Lock her up. BUH-BYE! *waving at helicopter flying away*

Why this doesn’t usually happen

The problem… AGAIN… is pride. Dudes don’t want to look like a chump for calling the cops on some cro-mag female that can’t use her brain well enough to not put her hands on other people… ESPECIALLY people she’s supposed to be in some sort of special relationship with.

Strangely enough, they’re perfectly ok with looking like a chump for beating a chick up. Actually, it’s not even a female issue. They’re perfectly ok with looking like a chump for beating up someone below their weight class.

Let it go, guys. Just admit you made a poor choice in women, dump her, get a new chick and start all over. Turn her in or don’t, but this chick is a problem waiting to happen, so before you’re the next Chris Brown, all up in the tabloids because you couldn’t find a way to have a good time with a chick in a $200,000 sports car, let your next move be your BEST MOVE, return her to wherever you found her and only associate with women who are trying to move their lives AND YOURS in a positive direction.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
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