Bill Cammack » beer

Chicks Are Beer (Altered States)

Bill Cammack — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:05:53 +0000

One of the major difficulties I have in trying to explain to women how men think is that they’re not men.

Things that are common sense or basic nature to guys, such as hooking up with a gal we’ve never seen in life before 5 minutes ago, just doesn’t register to most women in their understanding of reality.

Still, I enjoy TRYING to make it clear for women because if they don’t understand the basic premises that my articles rely on as a foundation, they won’t be able to receive posts like “Who Cares How Your Day Was? in the proper context to learn something and improve their lives.

Less Filling!… Tastes Great!

I was reminded of this because yesterday, I was asked if I liked how beer tastes.

In fact.. The taste of beer is practically irrelevant. The importance of beer is that it gets you high.

This can’t possibly be understood by someone who has never gotten high. Actually, a lot of you are thrown off right now, because in your limited understanding of life, you equate “high” with drug use. You’re not able to accept the term “high” to mean an altered state, so let’s use that term instead.

The point of beer is that it alters your state.. NOT that it tastes good.

People who never alter their state can’t possibly comprehend what this means or how it feels. This makes describing “altering one’s state” to someone that doesn’t experience it on a regular basis or hasn’t experienced it at all almost impossible.

If you don’t understand the concept of being in an altered state, you’re not going to see nasty-tasting beer as better than good-tasting Kool-Aid in any way, shape or form. To you, drinking beer is the same as drinking soda or juice, except it tastes worse and is of less nutritional value to your body.

I can’t explain to you the difference between being sober and being ‘buzzed’. I can’t explain the difference between being ‘buzzed’ and being ‘nice’. I can’t explain to you the difference between being ‘nice’ and being ‘wasted’. I can’t explain to you the difference between being ‘wasted’ and being ‘incapacitated’.

You see these states on reality shows, but they’re not going to make sense to you unless you’ve mentally been in that same situation. When Ronnie on ‘Jersey Shore’ comes home from the club and slaps five with all his boys and says [paraphrasing] “Now that I finished making out with multiple chicks at the club, I’m gonna go crawl in bed with Sammi, have sex with her and go to sleep next to her”, I understand how wasted he is. He’s not actually being a jerk.. He’s doing what seems like common sense to him during his currently altered state. People that don’t understand this judge him as if he drank Kool-Aid all night, made out with a bunch of Grenades and then hopped into bed with his so-called girlfriend, Sammi, completely sober and deliberately creepily.

Chick Are Beer

Similarly.. Women think of themselves as juice when they’re actually beer. The point isn’t how you taste, but rather how high we get when we’re around you.

This is why a lot of women are surprised when they’re so educated, accomplished & successful and their man gets caught cheating with some burger-flipping female from the local fast food restaurant. Did anybody care that she had no earning potential and/or had three kids? NOPE! :D The only thing that mattered was that she looked good and was DTF.

Just like the value of beer is that it can get you high, the value of a gal to hook up with is that she turns you on and you feel like having sex when you’re around her. You can drink all the apple juice you want and you’ll never feel buzzed. If your goal is to drink something or avoid dehydration, juice is the way to go. If your goal is to alter your state, beer is the way to go.

So women need to concentrate on the means their SOs use to alter their states if they want to understand what motivates guys to do what they do. Does your PhD turn him on? Nope. Your Lexus or your condo? Nope. Maybe you should buy a tight-fitting McDonald’s uniform and make sure you’re wearing it when he walks in the door from work. O_o

If you’re not altering his state, you’re leaving the door open for the next gal to capture his interest and hook up with your man. What YOU want is for him to say “This girl right here is FOYINE, but I’m gonna go home to MY girl because I know I’m about to have the time of my life, as usual. >:D”.

My friend Stephanie says “We are not beer, but rather a tall glass of fine pinot noir”. hehe That may very well be the case, but y’all need to be SOMETHING that makes guys’ lives more fantastic by your presence.

Yes.. I agree that women can be analogous to a wide range of alcoholic beverages.. Some that are smooth and sweet.. Some that sneak up on you and then in the morning, you’re like “WHAT THE HELL DID I DO LAST NIGHT? \o/”. It’s definitely important to categorize women properly so you don’t end up drinking beer on a night when you’re craving tequila.

Do I Look Fat?

The point, ladies, is that if some guy’s talking to you or trying to date you or trying to hook up with you, it’s not because some supernatural force caused him to interact with you. You get him high. Period. It might be your body, it might be your mind, it might be your face, it might be the way you walk, it might be the way you talk, it might even be the fact that you can code a website (not really, but I just wanted to give y’all Nerd-Chicks some hope). Whatever it is, it’s IMPERATIVE that you understand what your guy likes about you.

If he likes your flowing, wavy hair and you straighten it, you might could get dumped. If he likes how long it was and you cut it, you might could get dumped. If he likes how thick your body was and then you deliberately lose 20 pounds, you might could get dumped. If he likes how you stand up for yourself and then you decide to become complaisant because someone told you that’s what guys look for in gals, you might could get dumped. If he likes how you look in flannel shirts and construction boots and you come to see him in a dress with sandals, you might could not get laid that night.

It’s a tough row to hoe, but I’m going to keep on trying. :D Projecting female thought processes onto males and trying to figure out what we’re going to do will never work. Our minds are stimulated differently. The sooner you realize this, the more you’ll understand about men. The more you understand about us, the more you’ll be able to make educated decisions about your relationships.

When was the last time you saw a guy become mesmerized by a shoe store window display?
When was the last time you told a guy “I love you” and it made an immediate difference in how he acted?
When was the last time a guy asked you if he looked fat in this shirt?

When was the last time a guy was dating a burger-flipper from a fast food restaurant and cheated on her with a female CEO that he wasn’t sexually attracted to? :D .. Never… Buy a vowel. Get a clue.

Alcohol Is No Excuse!

Bill Cammack — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:58:50 +0000

I have an intimate relationship with alcoholic beverages.

This is why I just completely DETEST when people try to use alcohol as an excuse as far as why they did something. It’s a copout. It’s bullshit. There are two main reasons for this.

First… if YOU drank the alcohol YOURSELF, and you knew what you were drinking, I don’t want to hear it. The only break you might get is if you’re just beginning drinking. A friend of mine in college drank alcohol for what may have been his first time, but was DEFINITELY a rare occasion for him, and he swore up and down that our other friend’s hair was WHITE… when I was looking right at it, and my friend’s hair was BLACK. :D As friends, it was our duty and responsibility to BAN THAT GUY FROM DRINKING EVER AGAIN! He did it as an experiment, just to try it out, but alcohol just didn’t agree with him and it was in everyone’s best interest, especially his own that he keep his mind right, so he was banned.

So.. Other than not understanding what the alcohol was going to do to you because you’re just starting, NOBODY has an excuse for what they did when it comes to alcohol, IMO. It’s YOUR responsibility to know whether you can handle it or not. It’s NOT your friend’s responsibility to “look out for you” after you’ve incapacitated yourself. It’s a good deed, and it’s nice of friends to do that, because friends have definitely done that for me, like when I’ve fallen asleep on the subway and was leaning all over people I didn’t know, or when they didn’t want me to ride my bike, or when I licked birthday cake off of some chick’s face at her party and her uncle thought he was gonna do something about it, but my friends didn’t HAVE TO look out for me in those situations. They CHOSE TO, even though I didn’t ask them to, and I appreciate that. Completely.

Still… Choosing to drink AT ALL makes it MY responsibility from the giddyap. That’s the first reason why alcohol is no excuse for ANYTHING. It’s something that YOU do to YOURSELF. You utilized your own free will and ingested the beverages, so now you can deal, or you can’t.

A friend of mine told me just the other day about a situation where she went out to a bar with some other chicks, one of them “got nice” on her own, met a guy she liked, hooked up with him, and then, the next day, she was all like “Why didn’t you stop me? :O”. First of all, she drank the alcohol herself. Second of all, she didn’t hire my friend to be her babysitter for the night. Third, she didn’t ask my friend ahead of time to stop her from spreading her legs. Since she didn’t ask my friend, there was no reason for my friend to assume that the chick WANTED to be stopped and wasn’t acting from her own free will and basic character. This brings us to the second reason why it’s bullshit to use alcohol as an excuse…

My friends started drinking in Elementary School. Their parents had the money and bought tons of liquor, my friends knew where it was and threw parties pretty much every weekend. I wasn’t in attendance, because that wasn’t my set back then, but I heard the stories about the parties when we all got back to school. I was just anti the whole “get high” concept until I got to college, so I wouldn’t have bothered with it anyway.

The reason I bring that up is that I received YEEEEARS of brainwashing about the effects of alcohol. The main point was that when people drink, they lose their fuckin’ minds. They just go absolutely berserk and aren’t in control of themselves. I had no choice but to buy into this, because I had never BEEN high (which some people use to denote drug use, but I use for any substance, including alcohol, glue sniffing, nail polish, huffing…) until I got to college. I guess my very first experience with alcohol would have bolstered the brainwashing, because I couldn’t play guitar AT.ALL. :D I remember wondering “How in the HELL does Keith Richards do it?” I also remember the feeling of my mind being altered, and also “coming down” for the first time. Once I got a handle on alcohol and really started THINKING and assessing my current state, I realized why people try to use alcohol as an excuse as well as why it’s completely invalid.

People like to use the phrase “Alcohol reduces inhibitions”, but they don’t really understand what they’re talking about. Here’s the definition, from Webster’s:

Main Entry: inÂ·hiÂ·biÂ·tion Listen to the pronunciation of inhibition
Pronunciation: \ËŒin-hÉ™-Ëˆbi-shÉ™n, ËŒi-nÉ™-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 a: the act of inhibiting : the state of being inhibited b: something that forbids, debars, or restricts
2: an inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning: as a: a mental process imposing restraint upon behavior or another mental process (as a desire) b: a restraining of the function of a bodily organ or an agent (as an enzyme)

So.. A reduction of inhibition, which EVERYONE AGREES that alcohol facilitates… means that when you get drunk, you lose [an inner impediment to free activity, expression or functioning]. You know what that means? That means that when you’re drunk, You.Do.What.You.WANT.To.Do.

Basically, you temporarily forget to act unnaturally. You lose the ability to remember what you told someone else you were going to do, as well as what you told YOURSELF you were going to do. All that’s left is what you WANT to do, which is why alcohol is no excuse AT ALL for what you did while you were drunk. None.

Of course, I haven’t hung out with everyone on the planet, but I don’t know ANYONE that I have EVER gotten drunk with that turned into somebody that they weren’t already, naturally, by consuming alcohol. There’s no Jekyll & Hyde. There’s only the person they consciously strive to present to you publicly, and the person they really are, if they were to release themselves from the bullshit restrictions they put on themselves in order to be accepted in society or get the right jobs or land the right girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.

Now… What does this have to do with dating? :D

When you go to the bar and meet someone that’s already drunk, do yourself the favor of NOT ASSUMING he/she’s going to be the same person the next day or ever again when they’re sober. Don’t assume that that person’s going to remember you the next time they meet you coughsorryanniecough. Don’t assume that because y’all shared good times together that that’s going to make it to the drunk person’s long-term memory. Don’t assume that because they gave you their number when they were drunk, they want to receive a call from you when they’re sober.

More importantly, if the person you’re dating is a drinker, it’s IMPERATIVE to get drunk with them. If someone won’t drink with you, it could mean they don’t trust YOU enough to get drunk around you, but it could also mean that they don’t trust THEMSELVES to get drunk around you. Granted… There are some people that just.don’t.drink, and more power to them. I’m talking about the people that you KNOW drink and have TOLD YOU they drink and STILL won’t get drunk in front of you. People get really paranoid of showing their true colors.

Now, as we all know, people LOVE to use alcohol as an excuse for cheating. Hopefully, you understand now that that’s out the window. By misusing and misunderstanding the idea of “loss of inhibitions” as well as not holding people responsible for getting themselves drunk in the first place, that’s made alcohol a loophole. “I didn’t know what I was doing”. “I lost my mind”. “I can’t believe I did that”. “I’m not that type of person”. Sorry. Yes, you are. You ARE the type of person to get drunk and hook up with someone you’ve never seen before in life… because you just did it. Yes you are the type of person to get mad and start throwing things around the house or start kicking people’s asses. Yes you are the type of person to lick birthday cake off of chicks’ faces because you damned well felt like it, AND WHAT?

I still remember hearing the guy down the hall screaming about how his niece isn’t a whore, blah blah blah. Sorry dude. The only person that called your niece a whore was YOU! She was sweating The Kid and she was gonna give it up if she felt like giving it up, so mind your business and break north if you don’t want to watch her exercise her freedom of choice and mess with The Kid. PAYCE! :D

Anyway…

I’ve been so tired of this for SO LONG that I felt like writing about it. If you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. Period. It’s your friends’ responsibility to tell you how you’re acting, but NOT to bail you out of situations you create for yourself. If you feel like if you drink and go out on the town, you’re gonna cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, either DON’T DRINK or DON’T GO OUTSIDE or live with the fact that you have FREE WILL just like everyone else and are going to do WHAT you want to do WHEN you want to do it regardless of whom you told other people that you really are and especially regardless of whom you told YOURSELF that you are.

DatingGenius