Bill Cammack » breakup

How To Starting Dating Again

Bill Cammack — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 14:57:18 +0000

Now that Valentine’s Day, 2011 is over and you just found out that you’re not your significant other‘s primary relationship, you’re probably thinking about bouncing… breaking up with that person.. ending your relationship and starting all over…

We’ve already talked about how to get over your ex-boyfriend and how to get over your ex-girlfriend, but those are emotional considerations.

Getting back in the game might be a bigger leap than you imagined, so let’s discuss a few issues…

Hooking Up

There are lots of benefits to having one boyfriend or girlfriend. One of them is that you definitely know where your sex is coming from (Though, I know quite a few women that would beg to differ with that remark).

You know what it’s going to be like. You know how good or bad it’s going to be. You know what physical shape your SO is in. You know what they like. You know what they do to you. You know how they respond when you do things to them. You know whether they run their mouths incessantly, like they think they’re in a softcore porno or whether they STFU. You know whether them move a lot or lay there like the proverbial dead fish. You know what their fetishes are. You know what their safewords are…

Once you exit that relationship, all bets are off. You could meet the FOYINEST chick in history and she could turn out to be the wackest lay ever. :( Look how Prince had to kick Kim Kardashian off the stage! :D haha You can have all the ass you want, but if you’re not gonna DO anything with it, get the **** off the stage! :D

Mentality

Even though your SO might not be the sharpest pencil in the box, you’re pretty used to them right now. Their weirdness is predictable.

When you start dating again, you’re exposing yourself to people of questionable mental condition. You never know how much baggage they’re bringing to this relationship from the ones they’ve had before. You never know how much trauma they’re still carrying around from their upbringing, either at home, or because they didn’t have good relationships and friendships while they were in school growing up.

The things you detest right now about your SO might be a walk in the park, compared to the new people you meet.

Unfortunately, most people’s styles of dating involve hiding their eccentric qualities until AFTER you get involved with them, so it’s going to be quite a while before you find out who you’re ACTUALLY dating.

False Advertising

It’s come to my attention recently that there’s a massive amount of false advertising that goes on when it comes to online dating.

I talked about this a couple of years ago, in “It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)”, but I’m now aware that the situation is worse than I thought.

In that post, I was responding to a gal who had said that guys were claiming they were 6 feet tall in their dating profiles, and then when she met them, they weren’t anywhere near that height. I explained to her that it’s all in the game.. If they don’t say they’re tall, she might not go out with them at all. If they lie about it, they still get a chance to try to pull her once she meets them and finds out they’re not who they said they were.

It’s better to be in the game than on the sidelines, so the height lie is worth it.

However… I’ve now been informed that guys are using egregiously ancient pictures of themselves from back when they used to look completely different. I’ve seen this behavior from women, forever, but it makes sense from their side because guys are so visually-oriented as far as attraction. If a chick doesn’t have the right look, a guy isn’t trying to talk to her at all.

I didn’t imagine that guys are employing the same strategies. :/ I mean.. How are you going to send a chick a picture of when you were in shape, and show up to the date fat & nasty? o_O I mean.. What’s that supposed to get you? Is she supposed to FORGET that she was previously messaging and texting with someone that she thought looked good? :D

Is she supposed to want to hook up with a guy merely because of what he says, his physical appearance having no bearing on the situation, whatsoever?… GEEEEEEEEEET the **** outta here! :D

The only counter to False Advertising is to either request NEW pictures of whomever you want to talk to.. haha I guess you’d have to have them take a picture, holding up yesterday’s newspaper or something! :D .. or to meet up with the person ASAP, before getting too text-y with them and working yourself up into wanting to meet someone who, physically, no longer actually exists.

The Roster

Women re-entering the dating game need to recognize that unless a guy doesn’t know any chicks at all, y’all go onto The Roster, and not directly to the head of the class, as far as dating him.

For myriad reasons, some biological and some mental, guys in general find it easier to date multiple women than women find it to date multiple men.

This can be confusing to women, because their relationship to a guy can be fantastic, loving, caring, interesting, exciting, mentally stimulating, and otherwise absolutely perfect as far as she’s concerned, but he still won’t commit to her or call her his girlfriend.

This is because he’s willing to put you on the roster, but he’s not willing to fire the rest of the team for you. If you watch baseball, teams don’t have only one pitcher. They have several. Amongst that group, they have starters and they have closers. Different people are relied upon for different things. Unless a guy’s willing to rely on you for EVERYTHING he wants, there’s no reason for him to commit to you.

As perfect as your relationship is to him, he has the same perfect relationship to other women and he enjoys all of youse. Sometimes, he enjoys all of you in the same way and sometimes for different qualities that each of you brings to the table.

A guy that has several fantastic relationships has no reason to select one and eject the others until and unless one gal clearly outshines the rest of his favorites and he feels like he would be satisfied with “just” her instead of the other billion women on this planet that might be down with the program.

So.. Reentering the dating game doesn’t put you back amongst a group of suitors looking to woo you immediately into another relationship. If guys are still in the game when you break up with your SO, you’re going to have to work your way up from the bottom, not start from the top.

Finances

Assuming that a guy wants to date a woman that’s approximately his age… He’s going to have to deal with the difference between broke chicks and women with careers.

Most likely, when he kicked it to his ex, she was willing to let certain behaviors, lifestyles and ways of being of his SLIDE because she was destitute and interested in living off of his money. Fast-Forward a few years, where now he’s meeting women at after-work Happy Hours ‘n such, and now he’s dealing with women that already have their own money.

This means she’s not going to be impressed with him taking her to the movies. She can take her own ass to the movies, and pay for her girlfriends as well. He’s no longer going to be the best-dressed guy she knows. Now, she’s in the corporate world, and is around guys that dress up every day, instead of guys from around the way that dress up two nights a week to go clubbing and otherwise look like bums all the time.

Since she’s stepped up her game, she has more guys than you kickin’ it to her and she’s not as likely to go for your “I’m tha shiznit, so take it or leave it” style that worked for you when you were the only guy she knew that had a car.

Also.. Since you’re getting back in the game, you’re most likely going to be paying for the dates, which are going to become increasingly expensive as women a) get older, and b) have more sophisticated guys taking them out that you need to defeat in competition to pull her.

Essentially, unless she’s STILL broke, you’re going to have to stop relying on your gimmicks and actually talk to her. Get to know her. You’re going to have to pull her by your personality because your cars, money and house just got your foot in the door for her to listen to your sap rap at all so you can throw your hat in the ring with the other fellaz.

Unfortunately.. After spending several years with a chick that you pulled WITHOUT having to talk to her, your skillz MIGHT COULD be rather dusty, so good luck with that! :D

Depreciation

Back in the day, you were a hot property. The more clothes you took off, the more likely you were to get a rap.

If you’re not staying on top of your gym game, that might work fine, so long as you stay with the same BF/GF. Once you start dating again, you’re heading down the river in a boat with no paddles, Capicse? :D

I’m talking about men as well as women. The older women get and the more money they generate on their own, the more they trend towards how men choose women, looks and fun.

If you’re a guy looking to get back in the game and you haven’t been keeping your physique well-tuned and in tip-top shape, you’re going to be at a disadvantage, competing with the younger guys now that MILFS and Cougars are in style.

Back in the day, you had older chicks all to yourselves. Now that they’ve become a valid fetish category, you have guys 10-20 years younger than theses ladies tryin’na tap that. So you not only have to look better than dudes y’all’s age.. You have to strive for Sugar Mama status.

Anyway… Getting dates and hookups and relationships is much easier for attractive people to achieve than unattractive people. Utilize the mirror. If chicks thought you looked like El Debarge back in the day, but now, they regularly mistake you for Anthony Anderson or Drew Carey, it’s gonna be a tough row to hoe from here on out.

Career Daters

When you get into a relationship for several months or years and then return to the dating game, it’s important for you to realize that not everybody’s taking the same trip you are.

Sure, there are some people that just exited relationships like you did and are looking to get back into one ASAP.

OTOH, there are lots of people that are career daters. They happen to be “single” now because they feel like it, and not because they haven’t found “The One” yet.

In fact, they’ve found several “One”s, or Mr. or Mrs. Right Now’s. They may meet them every week.

Coming from a relationship with someone that was actually interested in only dating one person (unless, of course, the relationship ended because you finally figured out that YOU were the only one dating ONE person, hehe), you’re going to have to get back used to people that will tell you whatever they need to to hook up with you, even though they have no intention of following through with any of the dreams they’re selling you.

One of the worst things you can do is tell a career dater that you’re fresh out of a relationship and blah blah blah. That’s bait for a shark. Don’t do it. :D They’re going to smile in your face and tell you everything’s going to be better….. and just lay down right here…..

Baggage

As upset as you are that your relationship ended, you might find yourself dating someone who’s even MORE UPSET that THEIR relationship ended and they’re not dealing with it very well.

You may be required to carry the baggage that they brought from the previous relationship.. ESPECIALLY if they got cheated on last time. You’re going to have to suffer through “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”. You’re going to have to figure out and then defuse whatever people did to them in the past just so you can get back to square one and start your relationship fresh.

It could be even worse if they’ve gone all the way through the entire process of messing around, dating, hooking up, getting engaged, getting married and getting divorced already. Sometimes, that shakes people’s belief in the system they’ve been fed since they were small children. As much as they’d like to take that same journey with you, minus the divorce part, their heart just isn’t in it.

Hopefully, they’ll figure this out about themselves before you get overly interested in a continuing relationship with them.

Still worse are the people that want to act out NOW that they’ve been cheated on or whatever. You really don’t want to get involved with someone that’s looking to do the same thing to someone else that was already done to them.

Two wrongs doesn’t make a right, but sometimes, it just feels good. >:D

Gloom & Doom

It’s not all Gloom & Doom, however. :D

The good thing is that a lot of your friends are married or currently in long-term relationships and they’ll have friends that you can meet that they’ve already vetted. They’re going to know who’s still looking for someone to settle down with and who’s incessantly playing the field.

Another good thing is that this is your chance to learn about yourself. Take some time to figure out what worked for you in your previous relationship and what didn’t work. Figure out how that relationship changed you, who you are now as a person, and what you want from your next relationship.

Decide whether the qualities you utilized to select your ex are the same ones you’d like to use this time around. Decide whether you’re willing to give everything you gave to the previous relationship or whether you’re bringing a different set of qualities to the table this time.

In fact, starting all over is your chance to reinvent yourself and do things totally differently. You can make better decisions based on the experience with relationships that you have now.

You’re older, wiser, and hopefully BETTER-LOOKING!!! :D hehe Now’s your opportunity to chart the course for the rest of your life, and the sky’s the limit! >:D
–
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Golden Tickets And Stalkers – JS s03 e06

Bill Cammack — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 12:38:10 +0000

Most of my close female friends, the ones I kick the REAL DEAL with, are aware that when it comes to hooking up, I don’t believe ANYTHING that a female says.

Nothing.

I’ve been lied to by enough women and I’ve listened to enough women lie about what they’ve done with me to recognize that whatever a chick tells you is probably the LEAST of what she did with a dude, and nowhere near the MOST.

This is because there’s no incentive for a woman to tell you the truth about her hookups, even if you’re supposed to be a “friend” of hers.

To be fair, there’s no incentive for guys to tell the truth either… Due to no fault of my own, The Kid ended up in a speed-dating situation the other night, and this chick asked me what I would do if I had to cook dinner for her. My response was that I would order food and put it in the oven until she got there and then act like I made it.

Her response was (besides a grimace on her face) “But then, you’d have to tell me that you did that”, to which I replied “o_O No…. Actually, I wouldn’t have to.”

So just like I’m going to take credit for what Colonel Sanders invented, I don’t expect the truth from women about the extent to which they messed with some dude…. Even if THEY’RE the ones that brought up the topic and started the conversation about their own exploits.

Clean From The Jacuzzi

This brings us to the end of last week’s Jersey Shore episode. Deena had met this dude named Dean, who looks just like Ronnie, and brought him home to get in the hot tub and then get in bed with her and “cuddle”.

“Cuddling” is a term used by females to explain why they were seen in a bed with a guy, under the covers, without their clothes on. :/ They were “just cuddling”, like they’re “just friends” with the guy. Yeah.. Right…

The first night that Dean came home with Deena, on his way out the door, Sammi saw him and informed Deena that she had seen Dean’s girlfriend 5 times. Deena seems surprised that he has a girlfriend, since she asked him and he said he didn’t (as opposed to not getting laid, A DUH!) and then implies that he did something sexual to her, but she didn’t do anything sexual to him, adding “That’s how you ROLL, girl”, indicating that she played him, somehow.

The only problem with her pimp-o-matic statement is that previously, she swore up and down that she didn’t do anything with him at all. Now, in order to save face that she just spent the night with a guy that has a girlfriend, she wants to say that action took place, but it was one-sided, with her as the recipient and Dean getting nothing from her in return.

Yeah.. Right…

Fast-Forward a few days, and somehow, Deena and Dean have hooked up several times, and are walking around holding hands, in fact. Vinny refers to Dean as “Deena’s Man” in his confessional. It’s clear that they’ve passed “cuddling” stage.

Next.. Ronnie, Vinny & Pauly go to the barber shop. While Ronnie’s getting his fresh Gumby Flat-Top Fade hooked up, the barber mentions that Dean said that Deena told him she wanted to BLANK his BLANK (nope.. It’s not even what you’re thinking! HAHA).

Off the bat, the fellaz are rolling laughing, because due to her previous statements and behavior, like keeping throwing sex at Mike that he suspiciously keeps refusing to take, getting so drunk that she falls off of stages and gets kicked out of a club, and bringing Dean home for hot tub time and purported “cuddling”, she’s not about to receive the benefit of the doubt that she didn’t say what the barber said that Dean said she said.

Of course.. Mike, the Gossip-O-Matic feels the need to spill the beans to Deena that she’s being talked about. Deena denies the allegations, which carries no weight whatsoever, because her credibility, as far as hooking up, is already destroyed.

Deena see’s Dean at the club and, no pun intended, reams him out… ok.. Pun Intended. >:D

His defense was “I never said that”, which is normally a pretty good defense when people don’t have specifics. It’s one thing to deny generally saying that you hooked up with a chick. It’s another thing to deny saying to your barber and anyone else within earshot at the time and anyone else the barber felt like telling, “Deena said she wanted to BLANK my BLANK, because it had been cleaned out in the jacuzzi”.

Let’s Just Cuddle

This week, Deena runs into Ronnie’s friend, Dario and is immediately sweating him like she had been sweating Dean. There’s nothing wrong with this.. Just stating a fact. :D

Dario most definitely received the recon intel that Deena’s DTF. No matter how she acts, dude has GOT to know that she gives it up Quick Fast In A Hurry, Flavor’s Vision Ain’t Blurry. All he has to do is have the look that she likes and wait for her to jump his bones.

They make out in the club, she dances with him, yadda yadda. Next, they’re back at the house, with Deena sitting on his lap, babbling about some nonsense about the gym. This is the part where dudes pretend to care what chicks are talking about, so they can feel like they got to know us before they gave it up. *yawn*

Dude says “C’mon.. Let’s go inside”, to which Deena replies “We should cuddle. That’s all”. By now, we all recognize this statement as a typical prefabricated excuse to get in a bed and under the covers with a guy and do whatever ACTUALLY comes naturally and then downplay what happened after the fact to whatever level she’s comfortable with admitting.

This is immediately followed by a suspiciously contrived confessional shot of Deena saying “I definitely don’t have sex on the first night. It’s not Halloween. I’m not handing out candy for free. Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers. Dario is not getting the golden ticket tonight.”, followed by her saying “I haven’t done sex in like… three months.”, followed by “WhateverWhatever, my golden ticket was taken, it is what it is, and you know what? Dario is a good guy.”

The confessional is contrived because it makes Deena look like she intended not to give it up, when, in fact, she orchestrated the entire thing from all the way back when they were in the club together and she asks him “Do you want to kiss me?”. She knew what her plan was and she executed it properly. Her goal was to hook up with him and relieve her (not that I believe this either) 3-month dry spell, and that’s what she did.

My point isn’t that Deena’s an anomaly, but rather that she’s typical. Guys have to deal with nonsensical statements from women every day. It’s all in the game. At first, it’s something that throws you off. :D You start wondering what you did to change her mind. Eventually, you realize she’s only saying things to convince other people, and most likely, to convince herself that she’s not planning to do exactly what she’s planning to do.

Pay attention, however.. I’m not saying to ignore what a chick’s saying, because there’s a percentage chance that she’s telling you the truth. There are lots of gals that say what they mean and mean what they say. I’m not saying that “Let’s Cuddle” is code for “Let’s Hook Up”. I’m saying that her saying she’s not going to do anything with you doesn’t have any bearing whatsoever on what she actually DOES right after that, or 20 minutes later, or the next morning or a week from now.

Guys do a similar thing in order to save face. They’ll swear up and down that a chick’s busted, ugly, fat, a grenade, whatever, but as soon as they don’t think their boys are going to find out about it, they’re down to hook up with that same chick, ASAP.

In Other Jersey Shore News…

Mike bags a drunk chick and brings her home
Nicole sleeps in the pen with the dogs.
Nicole breaks a $150 tricycle that she shouldn’t have been riding in the first place and flees the store instead of paying for it.
Pauly fends off tag-team flirtation from Nicole & Deena.
Nicole hooks up with this guy, Jeff, and then refuses to see him again after he says he was engaged to a chick.
The guys shop, cook, clean and are generally useful, as usual, while the girls go shopping for lingerie.
MTV showed a Keyboard Cat commercial.
Nicole runs her mouth instead of working at the t-shirt shop, which makes sense, because she gets paid more to appear in the episodes than she makes trying to sell t-shirts.
MVPD hit the club.
Pauly makes friends with his stalker, Danielle, and invites her to the house to chill and get made fun of.

Did I Stutter?

Seemingly experiencing a brain-oriented malfunction, Sammi either fails to understand what Ronnie’s saying to her or refuses to believe it:

Sammi: Come back over here. It’s cold
Ronnie: …………….
Sammi: You wanna come back here?
Ronnie: Is that why you came up here? So you can still argue with me? I’m sleeping
Sammi: I straight up don’t want to do this with you anymore
Ronnie: Stop threatening me! Serously!
Sammi: Why do you always take it so negative? Do you want to come to bed with me?
Ronnie: Obviously not, if I haven’t gotten up and gone over there.
Sammi: Ron?
Ronnie: Just leave me alone.

This goes on and on until Sammi initiates another loop of asking Ronnie several times if he wants to break up with her, Ronnie replying in the affirmative several times, and Sammi continuing to ask him if he wants to break up with her.

BWONNNGGGGGG… Einstein Say “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. Let this be a lesson to guys and gals alike. Do Not ask questions that you don’t really want the answers to, such as:

Do you want to break up with me?
Were you screwing some chick when you told me you were playing poker?
Does this outfit make me look fat?
Do you think I’m a psycho?
Did he **** you better than I did?
Do you like my mother’s personality?
Would you still date me if I went broke?
Would you have sex with my sister?
Would you have sex with me and my sister?
Would you have sex with me, my sister and my mother?

Make ONE HUNNID PERCENT SURE that you want to know the answer to these questions before you open your mouth to ask them. If you’re only asking because you’re sure you know the answer, you might be in for a rude awakening.

Having watched the coming attractions to next week’s show, I know that after Ronnie leaves the room to get away from Sammi and retreats to the farthest corner of the house he possibly can, she follows him like a shadow, like usual, and keeps asking redundant questions until she finally gets the picture that she no longer has any control over Ronnie. Her reaction to this is to say she wants to “get him back” and then she gets up on a stage in the club and announces something about a hot guy and then is seen dancing with some dude she doesn’t know from Adam, while Ronnie watches them.

First of all, everybody knows that when Sammi’s not with Ronnie, all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and stay in bed. She doesn’t want other guys. She most certainly doesn’t want other RANDOM guys. She’s not going to DO anything with these guys. She’s been riding Ronnie’s dilznick for the last full year, all the way through him hooking up left and right in Miami AND her watching the videotape of him hooking up left and right in Miami AND all her family and friends watching the footage as well… She’s not fooling anybody by getting on a stage and dancing with a guy she doesn’t know, doesn’t care about, doesn’t love, and isn’t jocking.

Second.. What is it that makes people who get dumped think that they can make their ex jealous by flaunting the fact that someone else just picked up the garbage they tossed away? Does that make any sense? If you throw a gum wrapper on the floor, do you get upset when someone else picks it up? :D

This is just more of that blackmail behavior that indicates mental instability. If you’re friends with Jenni, I’m going to punch you in your face. If you break up with me, I’m going to give up my ass to the first stranger I meet while you watch. If I ask you if you want to break up with me and you reply “Yes, We’re Done!”, I’m going to keep asking you until you change your answer to something I like……

Sometimes, no matter how much you feel like tappin’ that, the sex just isn’t worth the hassle of negotiating with blackmailers. Let’s see if Ronnie learns his lesson THIS time. :/
–
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I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01]

Bill Cammack — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:05:41 +0000

One of my most popular posts is 2008′s “How To Break Up With Your Girl”. It seems like every single day, somebody wants to know how to break up with a girl….

***** SPOILER ALERT for Real World: DC ***** If you don’t want to know what happened last night, stop reading now! :D

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Being a professional at getting rid of chicks while maximizing their potential to feel good about it, I was sitting there like :O watching Josh dump his girlfriend on RW:DC last night. It was horrific. It was brutal.

I know how brutal it was because I did just about the exact same thing back in the day.

Cheating & Valor

Personally, I’m not a “cheater”. I put that in quotes because I don’t believe in cheating. I believe in Free Will. I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it regardless of what I say to some chick.

Being that I understand this about myself, the issue is circumvented by never committing to one chick. If you don’t tell one person that you’re in a committed relationship with them, you don’t have to extricate yourself from the relationship on the fly when something else comes up that you want to do.

Whomever you’re dating deserves that much, at least. They deserve more than on some regular day, they get a phone call from their boyfriend telling them that it’s over and that’s that. I’ve done it. I didn’t like “having” to do it. I wasn’t happy about it. I’m not proud about it. I wish I could have thought up a better way to deal with the situation, but I was like 19 and that’s all I had in my arsenal at the time.

The reason I brought up not being a cheater is because it’s an issue of valor and strength. If you make a verbal commitment to someone that you and she are in an exclusive relationship, you need to keep your word… not to HER, but to YOURSELF.

That’s like telling someone you’re going to work for them and then not showing up. That’s like having someone work for you and then not paying them. That’s like having kids with a chick and not supporting them. It’s an issue of valor. How are you supposed to look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you’re a weak Human Being and a pathetic excuse for a male of the species?

So, besides the fact that I don’t believe in the concept at all, that’s why I’m not a cheater. When I say something, it means something.. To *ME* and to other people. I wouldn’t be happy with myself, telling some chick “You’re my girlfriend, and I love you” on the phone and then picking up chicks at the bar left and right.

This is how I ended up in the Josh-esque situation of having to dump a chick out of the blue over the phone. I wasn’t in the process of hooking up, because that’s not something I would have done BEFORE breaking up with the chick, but I could feel it coming… I knew damned well that if I had been in the moment, the moment would have occurred. I wouldn’t have stopped the action to have some sort of philosophical conversation with the girlfriend that I had already decided wasn’t my girlfriend anymore, so I did what I considered to be the right thing and dumped her BEFORE something happened. It was still ****** up, but it was the best solution I could come up with at the time.

Double Standards

So Josh’s chick heads for the bathroom and Josh heads for the phone. I’m hoping and praying that he’s going to do the right thing and fall on his sword, taking the entire heat for the situation, but I don’t figure that’s what’s going to happen.

From the way they’ve edited the show, it doesn’t appear that Josh has the capability to have an actual “girlfriend”. He said something a few episodes back about how he was homeless and she let him live with her or something. I’m sure he said a bunch of other good stuff about her that they edited out in order to develop his character in a particular direction, but it’s clear that dude thrives off of attention. It’s clear that he’s not the “No. I have a girlfriend” type of dude.

The funny part about all this is that a few episodes back, when he heard that HIS GIRLFRIEND might have been creeping around the way, this guy starts BITCHING AND MOANING about it to her, like as if they’re in some kind of important relationship. This is a fantastic and obvious case study of a double standard. “Cheat on me and I’ll flip my wig!!! :O .. Meanwhile, I’ll cheat on you and if you find out about it, I’ll break up with you because I already have another ***** anyway. Peace! :D”

I Kissed A Girl

So Josh starts off decently with sounding somber and like he might have been crying recently. That was good because you don’t want to break up with a chick like blah blah Peace! You want to seem as if you give a damn.. Assuming you’re interested in her mental health, well being and physical safety. You want it to seem like this decision is tough on you, when, in reality, the chick you’re about to bang is in the bathroom and you took this opportunity to absolve yourself from the guilt of having to tell your girlfriend that you hooked up AFTER THE FACT.

The first “OOF!” moment came when he finally started breaking down what was going on. He goes “I kissed somebody”. :/ I was like “Come. On. Player.. YOU *KNOW* that’s not what it is! :D Jeez. That was the MAJOR cop-out, because a) he had made out with chicks on camera BEFORE that night, and b) he was completely understating his level of involvement with tonight’s chick.

I understood why he did it. The intention was proper. He knew that HER reaction to hearing that he kissed a chick was going to be breaking up with him, which absolved him from guilt for hooking up with the chick he had waiting for him to finish yakking on the phone so they could do this, like Brutus and we always knew this.

The execution was *****. Straight up. You know what you’re about to do. Let your girl down properly if you’re going to do it at all. If you just HAVE TO BE THAT WEASEL whose word doesn’t mean jack-**** then let her know the real deal. Don’t make her feel like there’s a chance at reviving the exclusivity of the relationship by acting like you kissed a chick and came home solo and were about to go to sleep. :/

Having said all that, I’m aware that these are edited shows, and as an editor, I could have made Josh look as valiant or as creepy as the producers wanted him to look, so it’s entirely possible that they deleted the parts where he explained that he was about to screw the chick he kissed tonight as soon as he got off the phone with his girlfriend… I just completely DOUBT that that’s what happened.

Woman-Speak

Josh then proceeds to talk too much and say that he kissed a girl that he’s been “seeing a couple of times”. :/ BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. Wrong Answer!

This is where the whole situation dove downhill. Most guys don’t understand woman-speak. Women will tell you the amount that they’re COMFORTABLE telling you. Unless you’re tight with them (which means, by default, that you’re not dating them), they’re not going to tell you what ACTUALLY happened. They already know this about themselves. This is why when you tell women about something YOU did, they automatically escalate what you said a couple of levels.

If a chick you’re not tight with tells you that she went out with a dude, she may very well have ****** his ****. If she tells you she did that, she probably screwed him. If she tells you nothing at all happened, she probably made out with him. This is the logic they apply to what YOU tell THEM.

So, for Josh to say he kissed someone, she’s going to assume he did way more than kissing. For Josh to nail his own coffin shut by saying “This promoter that I’ve been… seeing a couple of times”, he’s admitting that a) he can’t be trusted around women that are supposedly platonic business friends of his, and b) that he’s been actively pursuing this chick that he supposedly ‘just’ kissed while he was in a committed relationship to his girlfriend.

Play “Taps”. The Fat Lady is singing.

I’m Only A Man

So then he tries to weasel his way out of the situation by saying “I’ve tried my hardest.. I can’t stand to hurt you anymore”. This is where I started to get disgusted. He wasn’t “hurting” his girlfriend because he had been HIDING his behavior this whole time. This phone call wasn’t to relieve her of some kind of current pain she was in. Josh knew he was about to get pizaid and he didn’t feel like a) admitting it after the fact and making himself look like more of a crumb, or b) having the chicks in the house spill the beans to his girl, which would have been even worse.

Of course, his girl starts going berserk, as if that matters. “How Could You Do This? blah blah blah”. Nobody cares. This is the guilt-absolution conversation, not the “let’s talk about this” conversation. This is the “I have a ***** waiting for me in the bathroom” conversation.

So just when I thought the situation had hit rock bottom as far as Josh not taking responsibility for his own desires COUGHtigerCOUGH, she aks him why he did it and he goes “I can’t help myself… I’m only a man, and I can’t help myself. I don’t know what else to tell you”.

……

No. Sorry, Dude. :/ If you want to bring the word “man” into this, you need to say “I’m a man, and I do THE **** what I want to do, including ******* this chick that’s waiting for me to finish dumping you right now”.

This is the end result of women running all over creation screaming “MEN ARE DOGS!!!”. Guys have now adopted this as their ‘out’ in all situations. “What did you expect me to do? I’m only a man. :(“. What’s your point, dude? There are only two options.. Male and Female. You’re saying that all guys cheat? Maybe you’re saying that you’re a sex addict? O_o

UGH! I was so disgusted. Just admit that you’re with a chick that you feel like banging right now, regardless of the fact that you have a girlfriend and you just plain don’t care enough about what your girl says, thinks or feels about what you do with YOUR life and YOUR body.

This is where the term “Man Up” originates from. It means BE. A. STRONG. PERSON!.. It doesn’t mean to hide behind stereotypes to explain away your DELIBERATE actions as some kind of mental or especially gender-based weakness.

Disheartening?… Enlightening?

So anyway, Josh ripped his girlfriend’s heart out, then went to get laid.

I think this is a really important episode for women to watch, even though, as I’ve said, it’s clearly edited and probably doesn’t show the entirety of the conversations and Josh’s behaviors so we don’t really have a full picture of what actually happened.

I think this is a CLEAR case of a guy that’s down to have as many chicks as he can have, and he’s willing to be a weasel to get them. Whatever they need to hear, that’s what he’s going to tell them to get them to lay down. That’s not unique. He’s not an anomaly. He’s not an exception to a rule.

What I would like women to go watch is how a guy can get on the phone with you, yak about whatever, tell you he loves you and then get back into bed with the next chick and pick up where he left off. I would like y’all to watch how a guy could have his girlfriend travel to see him, spend time with him, hook up with him and as soon as she breaks out, he’s hooking up with the next chick.

I’m not making this stuff up myself. :) Reader “Marie” called my posts disheartening. That may very well be the case, but I see things from a different perspective. These people with their happy-go-lucky dating blogs are only telling you half of the story… and it’s NOT the half that’s going to help you when YOU’RE the one that gets the “I’m dumping you” call (or text) out of the blue from the guy you thought you were in an exclusive relationship with.

“I’m only a man” might work on *YOU* and get you to go to your girlfriends yammering about how weak your now-ex-boyfriend’s mind is that he wasn’t able to resist the slightest “temptation”, but I guarantee you that same dude isn’t thinking about you AT ALL while he’s hooking up with the next chick, except for those brief moments in time where he thinks “Thank God I’m rid of what’shername” in between strokes.

10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass

Bill Cammack — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:19:24 +0000

Lindsey Chen (@LindseyChen) & Bill Cammack (@BillCammack)

Lindz & Bill present 10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass!

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Lindsey & Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?
Morning-After Conduct

Lots of times… Sometimes evidenced in this very blog, hehe.. Women stay in relationships that they would be better off getting out of.

In some cases, it’s not obvious to them what’s going on, but in others, their Significant Other is waving these gigantic red flags at them that they either refuse to see or are unable to recognize for some reason.

As usual, it’s Lindz & Bill to the rescue, with ten warning signs that should make y’all go “HMMMMMMMMMM…..”. Let us know what you think in the comments section, below…

Lindz

1. He books a trip home to see his parents and when he calls you, he says “Actually I’ve decided to stay… um.. indefinitely.”

To me, this says, “I don’t really give a $^#% about you, or what you think. All I care about is myself.” He doesn’t even bother to discuss it with you or see how you feel. Mind you, it IS his decision ultimately, but come on, man… be respectful and courteous. I’ll give it to him that he may be stressed or frustrated over something, which may or may not have something to do with you, but is that how he deals with his issues? Just ups and leaves? Well, do yourself a favor and leave this loser.

2. He’s too self-conscious or insecure to meet your friends or introduce you to his.

If even HE thinks he’s a loser, then why would YOU want to waste your time on him? He obviously has more issues than just being insecure – He has low self-esteem and doesn’t think he’s worth meeting your amazingly cool friends. And you’re way too awesome to have to deal with this baggage. If he doesn’t think he’s worth it, then you definitely shouldn’t either. DUMP HIS ASS.

3. He forgets about your Birthday / Anniversary / Valentine’s Day.

A good guy will never forget about these holidays. Whether you care about them or not, he should show that he appreciates you for who you are. If he forgets them, someone better have died, because otherwise it just shows that he doesn’t prioritize his relationship over other things in his life. What? Is he too into playing WOW and forgot that it was your birthday IRL? In the future, how is he going to show his appreciation if he can’t even remember what day is your birthday? LOSER.

4. He never has money to pay for his share when you go out.

Note: I said HIS SHARE, not even the whole bill – I get it that we’re in the 21st Century, and a lot of the times, it’s common for guys and girls to go 50/50. I’m talking about those guys that expect YOU to foot the bill. EXCUSE ME? This is the first warning sign of a loser who isn’t financially responsible for himself and chooses not to take care of himself. Last I checked you weren’t his babysitter. You better dump his ass before he starts asking you for his weekly allowance.

5. He treats his family like $^#% and makes up excuses as to why they don’t get along. I.E. He’s too good for them.

If he believes that its OK to treat his family – his own flesh and blood – like crap, how do you think he feels about treating you? He obviously doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that and with the right situation to piss him off, he’s like an atom bomb waiting to explode. Just make sure that you’re not around to reap the repercussions.

Bill

6. Having a girlfriend isn’t as important to him as having a boyfriend is to you.

Lots of times, dudes are just getting laid. Period. It doesn’t really have anything to do with YOU, personally. A girlfriend = guaranteed sex, and that’s about it. If it’s not personal with you, you can be easily replaced by any OTHER chick that wants to have sex with him on the regular and isn’t going to be too much of a PITA in the meantime. Keep those lines of communication open so you can tell whether he’s having the same relationship to you that you’re having to him.

7. He doesn’t consider any of your opinions to be valid.

Do you ever get that feeling when you make suggestions that your man’s playing you off like Keyboard Cat?

That’s a beauty pageant, not a spelling bee. That chick wasn’t selected for her mind. She was selected for her looks and her body. Similarly, if that’s why YOU were hired, and your man really doesn’t give a damn what you say or think, don’t expect to have MORE respect in the future. You’ll most likely have LESS, being that you’re no longer in school, your brain isn’t getting any exercise, because nobody discusses intelligent topics with you and the education you DID receive in school is now outdated. If this is you… get a new boyfriend who respects you or at least is willing to pretend that he does.

8. He’s always getting numbers / still active on that dating site you met him on.

Remember when you met him and you shut down your account and you stopped returning emails from dudes and you stopped checking how many winks you got today? :D hahaha Well, Keep an eye on your man’s account, because if it’s still active, you might not be “all that” and he might be preparing to trade you in for the next best chick. If you’d like to know for sure, make a fake account, send him a wink/message and see if he takes the bait…..

9. He doesn’t treat you differently from any other chick.

If you’re REALLY his girlfriend, you should be able to list the perks that you get for having that title. If you can’t differentiate between how your man treats YOU vs. how he treats other chicks, you might not be Ms. Right. You might be Mrs. Right Now! :D Ask him for something that should be easy for him to do, like… I don’t know….. kiss you in public?….. hehehe If you can’t get that, he may very well be preserving his game with the next chick, since her friends might be in the same room with you, or maybe she’s there herself.

10. You have access to his ex-girlfriends and knowledge of how THEIR relationships ended up.

Ladies… Please… Seriously… :D If you see how some dude dogged females in the past, PLEASE use that information to make educated decisions about messing with him or trying to be his girlfriend. I’m sure that every single one of them thought that they were as fly as YOU think YOU are right now. Every one of them ended up as *EX-GIRLFRIENDS* too, so get a clue.

Lindz|@LindseyChen & Bill|@BillCammack

It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)

Bill Cammack — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 11:08:53 +0000

This is not a continuation of “Online Dating Tactics”. This is a response to a BlogHer post by Zandria M, entitled “Dating: ‘Tis the Season”.

Zandria: I’ve heard that more breakups occur during the holiday season than any other time of year. [...snip...] The thing is, though, I haven’t seen a drop in the amount of people looking for dates online. In fact, I’m receiving more expressions of interest than I did when I first signed up over the summer.

hehehe Excellent read, Zandria. :) Let me tell you what’s going on.

You explained why you’re getting more expressions of interest now than you did over the summer. Guys are dumping their girls for the holiday season OR they’ve already DECIDED that they’re dumping their girls, so they’re trolling for more women ahead of time. It’s like being a freelancer in a work situation. As a video editor, I get MORE work when people get fired or companies downsize. You’re experiencing the same thing with online dating.

The reasons you gave were spot-on. Basically, the holiday season is an expensive time to have a girlfriend, so guys tend to break up permanently or at least until the season’s over and take their girls back in January.

Another reason is that there are a lot of holiday parties right now, with a lot of DRUNK WOMEN at them. That’s where you want to be, instead of stuck at some party with a chick you already know… or even WORSE, over @ her relatives’ crib! :( This is PRIME TIME for meeting women and starting new relationships. Also, if you start a new relationship NOW, it’s too early for her to expect an expensive gift from you. :)

Zandria: The thing is, though, the more dating you do, the more instances of “Did he really do/say that?” tend to emerge.

You need to catalogue those increasing instances of “Did he really do/say that?” that you’re experiencing, because those are brief glimpses into what a lot of guys are actually thinking. It’s really the little things that give people away.

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.

For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

As far as the “six feet tall” thing, hahaha Online dating sites are set up in categories. This is how women and men get to choose whom they see in their search results. If a guy honestly states that he’s 5’9″ and a lot of women check the box that says 6′ or over, he doesn’t show up in the search results and he doesn’t get that date. Or, in some cases, where the site does the matchup FOR you, he doesn’t make the “compatible” list, so, again… HE doesn’t get that date. Since the whole point of him being on the service is to meet women that he wants to date or have sex with or whatever, he wants to meet as many as possible, so he LIES and says he’s 6′ tall. It’s not that he doesn’t REALIZE that he’s not that tall hahahahaha. It’s not that he has delusions about his height. He’s merely tricking you into going out on a date with him, when he’s actually below your selected height requirement.

It’s all in the game. :)

Oh… and apply the same logic to his salary.

Zandria: Another thing: some guys need to be more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships before you take the time to meet them in person. I had this one guy wait until our first meeting before he asked me, “Did I tell you that I’m about to be deployed to Iraq for seven months?”

As far as guys being “more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships”, nobody’s thinking about “possible future relationships” until they meet you in person. The way it works is, guys get what they can get… NOW… and if it continues, fine. So, if dude’s about to leave town, he’s looking for something to do UNTIL he leaves town. Similar to the “not 6-feet-tall” guy, he’s not going to ruin his chance to try to get some or have a temporary girlfriend by letting you know he’s not physically available for a LTR.

Once he meets you, it’s a different story. He might feel like “this one’s a keeper” and THEN come clean about his current status and future plans. I guess I should have put ‘clean’ in quotes, because STDs are another thing guys (AND gals) don’t tend to mention on online dating sites.

Zandria: Then there are the things that just make me go “Hmm…” Like the guy who came across as really formal and straight-laced, but when I called him out on it (yes, I will call you out if it’s warranted) he assured me, “I do have a dark and twisted side.”

As far as dudes announcing that they “have a dark and twisted side”, that normally means that they don’t, but they’d be willing to make one up so as to not get rejected for being boring. Also, “dark and twisted” is relative to his own experience. I know women who think doggie-style is dark and twisted, hahahaha :D The point is that guys are going to SAY whatever they have to say in order to stay on track to hooking up with you. If they’re wackos, they’re going to say they’re not. If they’re boring, they’re going to say they’re not.

If you want to know if a guy’s “twisted” for real, look in his eyes and then ask him what he wants to do to you.

So, yeah, that’s “how we do”. Lie as much as you need to in online dating so you get a chance to run your IRL game on her. Best-case scenario, the 5’9″ broke-as-a-joke, unemotionally available, boring dude gains the physical company of a female he finds attractive for one or more evenings. Worst-case scenario, she walks out the door as soon as she sees you, because you’re not what she wanted… except that’s the same outcome as if you hadn’t lied on your application in the first place and she never chose you, so who cares?

It’s all in the game. :D

~Bill

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