In this time of social media, we have a lot of ways to communicate with each other.

Each one can be considered a level, or a gate, with one requiring more of a person’s time, energy, and focus than another.

Admission to the higher levels of interaction requires that you first prove yourself on one or more of the lower levels.

For example.. I’m a content creator. That means that I have things to do with my time. It means I have things to think about when I’m not actually DOING other things.

Because of this, I’m not going to interrupt my day because YOU feel like talking to me on the phone. It hasn’t happened for years and it will never happen again. I don’t have time for that.

Email

What I tell people to do is email me.

This is because when I *DO* make time for extraneous stuff, I check my email to see if there’s anything worth responding to in it.

That’s your opportunity to contact me.

It’s 100% on my terms, because I couldn’t possibly care any less whether YOUR project gets done or not. I’m concerned with MY projects and MY current clients’ projects.

I never have “nothing” to do. I never reach “inbox zero”. I’m never sitting around waiting.. HOPING for someone to call me on the phone.

If you decide to call anyway, you get the answering machine, which I don’t check, so you’re better off emailing, like I told you. That’s really your only chance.

Some people mistake Facebook and Twitter for email.

Pay attention. All three of them happen to be electronic forms of communication, but “Email me about it” doesn’t mean to PM me on Facebook or to DM me on Twitter.

If you’re not smart enough to figure that out, you’re probably not smart enough to put together a proper business proposal either, so thanks for saving me the time of not having to read your email that you never sent.

Email is not an answering machine.

If you email me with the message “Call me”, you will not receive a call.

If you email me about a business project you’re trying to do, and there are no $,$$$ signs included, you’re going to receive a reply that says “What’s your budget?”, and that’s probably just about ALL it’s going to say.

If your budget’s too low, I can recommend you to someone else that I know that does good work for less money in less time that I would waste brainstorming your project with you and then not being able to work on it because you can’t afford it.

These are the gates I was talking about earlier.

Gates

If you’re not viable on the email level, I’m not going to invest even more of my time, energy, and focus into, say, real-time text chatting with you.

If I’m not going to real-time text chat with you, I’m not going to video chat with you.

If I’m not going to video chat with you, I’m not going to talk to you on the phone.

If I’m not going to talk to you on the phone, I’m not going to meet up with you in person.

A lot of people are stuck in the olden days, back with the horses and buggies and covered wagons, and they want to “get together” to discuss things.

That’s over now, and it’s been over for years.

I’m in contact every single day with people that live hundreds of miles away from me, in different cities, different states, and even different countries.

If you live on the same island I live on (The center of the Universe, Manhattan, New York City!!! >:D) and you can’t figure out how to share ideas with me other than getting together IRL, you’re not up to speed. That’s YOUR problem, not mine.

Unless I’m on the clock, I have zero incentive to stop my entire day’s activities so I can travel somewhere and hang out with you in person to receive the same information that I could have read out of an email.

zero.

On top of that, when you communicate by email, you have DOCUMENTATION of the project and budget parameters so everyone involved can browse the history of the project and you don’t have to rely on he said / she said, or lose good ideas that you chatted about over brews because nobody wrote them down at the time.

Another reason IRL doesn’t work for me is that my time isn’t routinely scheduled. At any point during the day or night, I could be working on a project for a client, working on my own social media projects, mixing music, blogging, having brews with chicks, sleeping, or whatever else, and I’m not going to interrupt my non-routine by having to appear somewhere to discuss something with you for YOUR benefit.

This is why email is the default. I read it when I feel like it, which works for my personal system of doing things. The reason I can do so much in a single day is because I know how my system works and I maximize my efficiency.

When people become viable on the email level, they might be promoted to real-time text chat status, then video chat status, then IRL status.

*might*

Value

At this point in time, I think it’s imperative for people to understand that the playing field has been divided and that if you attempt to communicate in the wrong division, you won’t get your ideas in front of the right people to bring you from concept to reality.

It’s like if someone gives you their telephone number, but doesn’t include the area code. It’s practically worthless, unless you have a general idea of where they live, and you’re willing to call that number in every single area code until you reach the right person.

If someone lives their life on Twitter, you want to “@reply” them. They will always see when people mention them, but depending on the Twitter client they’re using, they might never see DMs (direct messages). Also.. Someone being on Twitter all day and happening to have a Facebook account doesn’t mean they’re monitoring their FB account at all.

Someone having an email address on their website doesn’t mean that they’re monitoring their email more than once a day or once a week, if ever.

Someone having a telephone number on their website doesn’t mean you’ll ever get anything other than an answering machine.

It’s up to YOU, as the person that wants the work done, to figure out the best way to contact the people you want to work with. It’s not up to THEM to make themselves available in whatever medium you’re used to, because if y’all never connect and nothing gets done on your project, YOU lose and THEY don’t.
–
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One of the lines in the Bush song, “Everything Zen” says there’s no sex in your violence.

I’ve been thinking that a lot while watching the content that people have been posting to Google+, except the version I’ve been thinking is that there’s no social in your media.

One of the opportunities we have online is to demonstrate how similar we are to each other. That’s a valid and worthwhile pursuit, but at the same time, you want to show how different you are as well.

This isn’t so obvious in the world of Twitter, for instance.. You can only be so creative with 140 characters. Adding the incessant flood of Twitter posts into the equation, it’s very easy for people not to notice that they’re all posting the exact same thing.

Nobody’s actually checking to see if the shortlink they posted is the same one that was posted 10 minutes ago, which is the same one that was posted 20 minutes ago, which is the same one that was posted 23 minutes ago, which is the same one that was posted an hour ago, which is the same one that was posted yesterday and the day before that.

Welcome To The New World, Neo

On Google+, this is painfully obvious, as you look at your stream (or a particular circle you’re browsing) and you see the exact same bird shove the exact same OTHER BIRD into the garbage can in an animated .GIF file. (if you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a very short, embeddable movie with no audio).

um… The Empire Strikes….. Cat? :/

Not only are these things regurgitated 24 hours a day, but they’re posted verbatim. There is ZERO value added by the poster to the viewer’s experience of seeing the bird kick the other bird off the ledge again.

I found this behavior relatively strange, until I read a reply from reader “Hakim” the other day, who likened the phenomenon to those early-morning joke emails people used to send out before they discovered Facebook and Twitter… or even MYSPACE, for that matter! :P

Thinking about it that way, at least it makes sense at the lowest common denominator of being social. “Oh.. That’s a funny movie of the bird kicking the other bird into the trash.. Let me share it with my friends, so they can get the same laugh I did! :D”

Sometimes, that style backfires on you, though, and you end up telling a joke several days after it already made its rounds, so now, not only do you NOT look original, but you simultaneously look neither CURRENT nor RELEVANT.

If that’s not your goal, however.. being memorable.. then, what *I’M* currently saying to you ISN’T RELEVANT! :D

I suppose the question is whether you want to be a news-MAKER or a news-REPORTER.

There are people who make entire blogs and entire web shows (and entire television shows) out of being reporters. That’s their job. It’s what they do for a living… What’s *YOUR* benefit in being a reporter? o_O

Mind you, I’m not talking about a journalist.. Someone that actually writes down their own opinion about something or at least researches a topic to write an article… Like, what’s your WIN in being the 31st person to repost the bird-kicking .gif?

Is it just that it’s easy to do and doesn’t require you to think or type? o_O How about next time you’re thinking about reposting a funny movie, instead, you just type “Happy [Monday], Everybody! :D”?

How about that?.. It probably takes just as long as sending the picture, and you can send out a personal message to people that distinguishes you from the rest of the picture-posters.

Is it better to be someone submerged in a crowd or someone that stands out in a crowd?

LULZ FTW!!!

ok.. So you insist on posting pictures as a demonstration of your ability to socialize… How about posting DIFFERENT pictures?… Why not start posting pictures of your pet lizard? People would notice you, then. There would be like 80,000,000,000 cat pictures and then your *ONE* picture of a cute lizard. You can even type something cutesy on the picture, like “I CAN HAZ CHAMELEON? :P”

So let’s say you take one step forward and start posting links to articles. That’s nice. How’s about now you add your own opinion before you press “Send”? Did you read the article yourself? Did you get anything out of it? Did it make you think? Why not share what you thought about with your readers so you can distinguish yourself as a thinker?… perhaps, even… a READER!!! :O

I mean, seriously, folks.. What do you think would happen IRL (in real life) if you walked up to someone at a party, you both smiled at each other and then you traded showing each other cat pictures on your smarphones instead of actually saying anything to each other? haha First of all, you’d get kicked out of the party for being weirdos. Second, you’d walk away from that exchange feeling all warm and fuzzy from all the cats you just saw and shared, but you wouldn’t have any new and valuable information about the person you SUPPOSEDLY just socialized with, and they wouldn’t know anything new or useful about you, either.

At least, those old-ass email jokes are something you might actually have said to someone when you ran into them at the water cooler at your job, or if you got stuck in an elevator with them.

In fact, what you would do if you ran into someone at a party is you would SPEAK. TO. THEM., because that’s how humans roll.

Even if you have nothing to say off the bat, SOME of your friends and acquaintances are posting how they feel about things or talking about something they liked or disliked. Why not jump in on one of those conversations? Let them know you agree or disagree and take your chances on building or destroying a relationship with them. At the end of the day, you might have more or fewer friends than you had this morning, but even if you’re losing, you’re at least INVOLVED in the game. :)

The Business Of Social?

This advice would also come in handy for businesspeople. Feel free to actually have a.. Well.. Feel free to at least FAKE having a real conversation with someone about something so that every time you open your mouth, people don’t go “Here comes that shill again, trying to convince me of something that’s in *their* best interest. :/”

How about selecting a customer at random and beginning a dialogue with them?.. Can’t do that much? How about commenting on a post they wrote or linked or a picture they shared of their son in the football game? How about doing *ANYTHING* that might POSSIBLY, REMOTELY be perceived as SOCIAL instead of acting like a hunter in a target-rich environment?

I can’t ask the pictures-at-a-party question to shills, because, yes… YES, they WOULD come up to you at a party and have NOTHING to say to you except things that benefit their business or company. I met a gal at a birthday party.. a BIRTHDAY PARTY, that told me to my face that the only reason she was there was to meet people that might be useful in helping her promote her book.

She didn’t say more than that, but she was basically like “**** the birthday-person.. I’m not here to celebrate jack-****. I’m here to make some business contacts and be out.

If that actually works for your company (and your social life), more power to ya. :) Good Luck with that! :D

The way I see it, there are only so many hours in each day. You can spend your time being regular, or you can attempt to stand out in the crowd. You can play it safe with the number of “friends” you currently have, or you can take a chance by selecting what’s behind curtain #3.

I’ve already met some new and interesting people on Google+.. Either because they stepped out in front of the crowd, or because I did.

This is your opportunity to be creative and progressive. You’re no longer limited to 140 characters, although I already see some people that wish they were, so they could continue to act like their creativity is being stifled by the designated Twitter limitations, when, in fact, it’s the other way around and Twitter makes them look good, while Google+ exposes their true limitations by removing their restrictions.

If you’re going to take that 20 seconds to find and post an animated .gif, why not skip that and instead, take 40 seconds to come up with a short, original, thoughtful statement or question that might make you THE NEWS instead of THE NEWSCASTER? :D
–
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“OMG STFU” stands for Oh my God… Shut The **** UP!!! :(

This is how you feel when someone runs their mouth about something they shouldn’t have.

I saw this video on one of my Facebook Friends‘ walls just now:

YouTube Link => youtu.be/07tI0S1_qBA

First of all, I’d like to say that this isn’t a Male -> Female thing. This goes in both directions. I’m talking about relationships and interactions between people in general, not something specifically about women.

In the video, this dude is being interviewed by video paparazzi and his wife is standing next to him.

*NOBODY* is talking to his wife.

*NOBODY* asks his wife any questions.

The paparazzo asks the dude whether he puts his own posters on the walls (which is probably illegal, yet also probably an aspect of this guy’s “street cred” persona).

Unfortunately for him, he feels comfortable taking a sip of his drink right after the dude asks him the question, so for SOME. ODD. REASON… His wife.. Whom *NOBODY* was speaking to AT ALL (The question was “Do you ever do that, yourself?”, indicating that the paparazzo was speaking TO the guy he was interviewing) goes:

“A long time ago.”

*Needle scratching on record sound*

OMG STFU

Now.. This was a clear and egregious violation by his wife.

Unless dude had hired her as his Public Relations Agent (which, clearly, he didn’t, by his reaction to her statement and her reaction to his reaction) she needs to STFU and mind her own business when he’s talking to the press.

Before y’all females start hopping up and down, protesting, let’s consider if the paparazzi had been interviewing HER! o_O

• Paparazzo: “So, [wife's name]… How’s your sex life?”
• Wife: *Takes a sip of her drink*
• Husband: “Well… She has a really nice ass, see… You can’t tell, because of the baggy jeans she wears, but it’s really sweet, so I like to hit it from the back, which used to give her rug burns on her knees, so we bought this special carpet for the living room floor, because I rarely **** her in an actual bed, and…”
• Wife: “OMG!!! STFU!!! :(“

Not so cool for someone to jump into a conversation that didn’t involve them *NOW*, is it? >:D

So the next thing that happens is that the drone media dude says that the husband “freaks out”, so I’m expecting him to FLIP on her, right?… This is what happened:

• Husband: “Wha… What are you do… Don’t answer stuff… please.”

• Wife: “ok.”
• Husband: “JESUS! :/”
• Wife: “…”
• Husband: “What is your problem? :/ You’re not stupid.”
• Wife: (to paparazzo) “No.. We can’t.. Really…”

Now, that was nowhere near a “freak out”, especially considering her violation of putting his personal business in the streets.

I do have to say, however.. That this was partially.. In fact, *MOSTLY* his fault.

If you have a social media image to maintain, it’s YOUR JOB to make sure that your inner circle is properly briefed and ready, willing and able to do the right thing when the time comes. He obviously didn’t prep his wife properly, so he got what he got. She ran her mouth, and he ended up on TMZ.

After she’s already screwed up is *NOT* the time to discuss her screwup. Prevention.. Not Cure. There *IS* no cure. Prevention negates the necessity for a cure.

If someone’s asking about me, you have no information. Your response is “You’re going to have to ask HIM about that”. You don’t have to lie and say you don’t know. It’s MY business, not YOURS. Stay out of it by not participating in discussions about me.

Simultaneously, you receive the same basic and proper courtesy from me. I’m not going to put your business in the street. If you don’t put your own posters up around the city or you don’t write your own blog posts or you like doggie-style except for the rug burns, that’s *YOUR* business. It’s not MY business to tell.

Play Your Position

Of course, the drone media chick goes “That’s a ____ move, anyway, to do that to your wife in front of cameras. You don’t admonish her on a national level.. That’s awful! :(”

Can we get a sound bite about how she told on him for not putting up his own posters ON A NATIONAL LEVEL, which is why she got TOLD THE **** OFF? o_O

I personally wouldn’t have done it the way he did it, however I’ve never *HAD* TO do it like that, because chicks that know me are hip to the Cones of Silence, and they wouldn’t put my personal business out there to begin with.

Edit: There WAS one situation where I got caught out there like this, when I was hanging out with a new chick, and I didn’t expect anything interesting to happen while she was around, so I failed to inform her that all the pictures she was taking would need to go through an approval process before being posted.

I always check with people on the spot when we take pictures together to make sure everyone likes how they look, and if anybody disapproves, we take more pictures until we get it right.

So, when she posted them the next morning, I had to hustle and tell her to IXNAY on the ICSPAY because the situation had evolved from a General Audiences rating to personal, off-the-record interaction, and I hadn’t explained #NOBLOG to her yet. >:D

What he SHOULD have done is whispered all that stuff in her ear, so she understood to STFU and not spill any more beans or tip any more waiters. If I didn’t tell you to tell somebody something, keep it to yourself. If it’s your business, and it has nothing to do with me, scream it from the highest social media mountaintop! :D

If nobody’s talking to you, play your position.

This isn’t “Jeopardy”. This isn’t “Wheel of Fortune”. This isn’t “Press Your Luck”. You don’t get any points for answering trivia questions about me.

If someone asks me “Do you know a chick named Lux? o_O”, let me answer or not answer my own damned question! :D .. It’s nor your job to go “Oh yeah!.. He knows Lux! :D .. They were hanging out together at the 2011 blip.tv & Collective Digital Studio Party and she appears in his Facebook Avatars from time to time, and there are a bunch of pictures of them together over the last four years, including a rooftop pool party back in 2007!!! :D”

Mind. Your. Own. Business!!! :D

If I feel like saying I know Lux and she’s given me permission to say that I know her, then *I’M* going to decide how to answer that question.. Not you.

#NOBLOG Status

I discussed this in last year’s “#NOBLOG Status” article.

The Phrase That Pays is “Pics.. Or It Didn’t Happen.”

The converse, of course, being to deliberately NOT publicize something via social media because it’s not for public consumption.

It’s my opinion that without #NOBLOG, people would never really get to know each other on a deep and important level.

If I have to worry about you runnin’ yo mouf as soon as TMZ shows up, or even worse, I can expect for you to put my business on BLAST to our 200 mutual Facebook Friends, I’m not TELLING YOU anything important at all, and I’m CERTAINLY NOT going to be *DOING* anything with you! :D

This is why it’s dude’s fault for not properly prepping his wife about what she’s allowed to talk about and what she’s not allowed to talk about.

By the time you select a chick to be your wife……. By the time you select a chick to be your girlfriend or even a close platonic friend, she’s got to be down for you and you’ve got to be down for her. It’s that simple.

If you know that it’s important to your public image for you to be perceived as someone that puts his own posters up, you tell your wife in private (hopefully, not right after you finished hittin’ that, because her brain isn’t working properly and won’t absorb the information correctly) that if anybody asks if you put up your own posters, the answer is “YES!”.

If she’s not smart enough to remember that or she’s not willing to back your play, then you LIE TO HER every once in a while, grab a bunch of posters, and walk out the door, saying “I’ll be back in a few hours, honey… I’m heading out to plaster my own posters all over the city… Don’t wait up! :D” and then you go hang out with the fellaz or your other girlfriends or whatever you have going on in your life, so when the paparazzi ask YOU about it and you go for a sip of your soda, she blurts out THE RIGHT THING instead of THE WRONG THING (read: The Truth).

If you can’t be trusted to keep your mouth shut, you’re only going to receive the same information the general public receives. If you refuse to respect #NOBLOG, you won’t be invited to the next event.

If you’re not smart enough to recognize that someone’s talking TO ME and not TO YOU, then you won’t be walked around with.. Capisce? >:D

I mean.. Say what you want about Arnold’s Maid, but she held the line for 14 YEARS, SUNNN!!! :D hahaha Now *THAT’S* some SECRET-KEEPING!!! >:D
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I’ve received the absolute best feedback about my personality from women I’ve been involved with. That’s because I’m being real with them.. Mostly intentionally, and other times, unintentionally.

I suppose another reason is that I can’t stand to spend inordinate amounts of time with unintelligent women.

I just can’t stand it.. Never could, really. I remember being in camp and looking forward to my afternoon conversation with one of the junior counselor females that was like 10 years older than I was. I wasn’t kickin’ it to her.. It was just really refreshing to have an intelligent conversation, and I enjoyed her company and remember her fondly to this very day.

Anyway… I wouldn’t be anywhere near the person I am today without the feedback I’ve received from the women I’ve been closest to over the years. There are some things you can’t figure out about yourself that are really obvious to women that spend a lot of time around you. Considering what they’ve had to say, deciding for myself whether it was true, and then either doing something about it or living with it has helped me make incredible strides in my personal development and introspection.

Limitations

I suppose my favorite instance was when my ex, while we were still together, was probably about 3 feet away from me, looks at me and says calmly and factually “You have a limited use for women.”

The first thing I did was look at her. She looked… regular. :) The next thing I did was play back what she said, to be sure that I heard her properly. When I decided that I had, I started to consider her viewpoint.

I already knew she was intelligent. I already knew that we were completely open with each other about everything. I already knew that I spent every day with her unless I was working or one of us was out of town. There was no opportunity for me to dismiss her statement on the grounds of lack of experience.

Next, I considered what my opinion was about her opinion.

I drew pretty much a blank. I remember “seeing” clouds, like no thoughts at all.

The entire process only actually took a few seconds, but then I decided that she had EXTENSIVE EXPERIENCE at being not only a woman, but a woman that I was treating as the most special unrelated-to-me female on the entire planet, and I had NO EXPERIENCE at being a woman OR dating myself, so I looked at her and said “You’re right.”

I don’t remember if a conversation ensued. I don’t believe it did. I think it was just something that was on her mind and she decided to say. She didn’t have any emotion about her statement, one way or the other. I would have been able to tell.

I didn’t have any emotion about what she said either, which was probably the most interesting aspect of the situation to me when it occurred. I think I just sat there and thought about the exchange, because I never thought I’d have someone say that to me, especially someone I was CURRENTLY WITH! haha and I never thought that I’d have that response, or, actually, NO RESPONSE to her statement.

Somewhere along the line, I thought “I’m glad she’s intelligent enough to decipher that from my consistent behavior towards her and towards other women she’s seen me interact with” and “I’m glad she knows me that well that she’s receiving information from me that I’m not consciously or deliberately offering her”.

Hopefully, I’ll never forget that situation, how it went down, how we looked and felt. It was pretty much a defining moment in our relationship, because it had that element of “emotionless togetherness” that we shared for a long, long, long time. Communication and openness were KEY factors for us, and I’m glad she felt comfortable saying something so potentially volatile to me, and I’m glad I was able to consider her thoughts and return her an honest, heartfelt answer.

Trojans

A situation I found rather humorous was when I was talking to a female friend about the process by which I decide if I’m going to attend a hangout.

Women that know me know that I never confirm that I’m going anywhere until the last minute. That’s because I never know what I want to do until I want to do it. I can’t tell you that I want to see you on Thursday if it’s currently Tuesday. All I can tell you is that I want to see you right now, or I don’t.

Of course, exceptions have to be made for business bookings and certain women that are rarely available, so I have to book whatever time with them in advance that I can get, and then ******* grin & bear it when that day and time arrives, HOPING that I feel like hanging out with them at that point.

Other than that, everything I do is penciled in. If we make plans to hang out on Thursday at 6pm, I’ll let you know on Thursday, up to, say.. 4pm whether I actually want to come see you or not.

I know that women reading this are already turning over in the graves they’re not yet in, but it gets worse…

So I’m talking to my close female friend about hangouts, right?.. and I’m explaining the situation to her, and I end up saying that unless the situation requires me to utilize a condom, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to show up.

:O

Now, I was exaggerating.. a little.. to make my point. What I was saying was that the value to me of arriving *anywhere* IRL is stimulating female company. I’m not lonely. I have 2,708 Facebook Friends, which statistically means that I can contact any one of 1,354 women right this very second, probably 300 of which live in NYC, and are within physical striking distance inside of an hour’s worth of travel on mass transportation.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is not to blabber on about myself for no reason, but to discuss something that I find absolutely MIND-BOGGLING about women…

um… WHAT? o_O

Women swear up and down on a stack of Bibles that men date then with no intention of having sex with them.

I just can’t figure this out. It’s amazing. It’s like what on EARTH do you think he’s contacting you on that online dating service for? Why do you think he asked you out? Why do you think he went to dinner with you? Do you think he’s lonely? Do you think he doesn’t have any friends? Nobody to talk to? Nobody to go to dinner with? o_O

Hopefully, one of y’all will leave a comment and please enlighten me so I can stop thinking about this. What are y’all THINKING when these dating situations occur for you?

I’m not saying the guy ONLY wants sex from you. I’m saying that if he DIDN’T want to hook up with you, he’d be out to dinner WITH. SOMEBODY. ELSE.

He’d be out to dinner with his homeboys. He’d be out to dinner with his coworkers. He’d be out to dinner with people from his bowling league. He’d be out to dinner with his ACTUAL platonic female friends.

I just continue to be amazed at how women fall for the okey-doke and then, like after Elmer Fudd figures out he got Herbed by Bugs Bunny, y’all go “You Know???….. I think he only asked me out so he could HAVE SEX WITH ME!!! :O” and then I have to do the slapping-my-forehead-smiley because I’m like OH GOD.. NOT AGAIN!!! :/

What’s worse than that is that y’all fall for the same stupid tricks over and over and over and over and over. Incredible.

*PRO TIP* – Please stop accepting what guys say as facts. Just stop it. Now. Today. Stop.

Please stop telling me things you don’t personally know about as if they’re bona fide, verified facts. I don’t want to ever again hear one of y’all say “I was dating this guy who was in the process of leaving his wife, and….” no… no no no no no, Nobody’s leaving ANYBODY. It’s what guys say to get you to spread your legs.

First of all, stop falling for the okey-doke. Second, stop TELLING ME about the situation as if dude suddenly decided to try to make it work with his wife. His wife has been at home baking brownies like June Cleaver and sending their kids off to school with bologna sandwiches the whole time he’s been screwing you.

Stop asking me why dude changed his mind about marrying you. He only said he would to keep you in pocket.

Stop asking me how he got “another” girlfriend so quickly after y’all broke up… Most likely, either a) she’s a girl he picked up while he was dating you, or b) YOU’RE a girl he picked up while he was dating HER.

Is it jaded? Is it pessimistic? Is it cold-hearted, like my homegirl Sierra calls herself? Maybe… It’s also REALISTIC.

Why in the world would a guy “date” a gal he doesn’t want to have sex with? \o/

What incentive does a guy have to not LIE HIS ASS OFF in order to get whatever he wants from you? \o/

There’s no code of ethics to dating. We’re not doctors. We’re trying to get laid.

Do me a favor… Do YOURSELF a favor.. Take it from a guy whose current girlfriend at the time told him he has a limited use for women..

Unless you or someone you trust can personally verify what a guy that’s trying to hook up with you is telling you, stop accepting it as factual information. It’s possible, it might even be probable, but it’s definitely not certain.

Is that going to help you avoid the pitfalls? Nope. However.. It might just make you feel a little better about yourself after the fact if you go into a dating situation fully understanding that this guy might be lying to you in order to make it easier for him to hit it & quit it.
–
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I’ve been writing my critique/roundup/recap series about MTV’s television show “Jersey Shore” for quite some time now.

If you’ve been following along, you’re aware that I’ve been complaining (as has everyone else that I know that watches the show) about how it’s been getting worse and worse.

The storylines suck (yes, there are WRITERS on “reality” shows. They’re responsible for deciding which footage gets aired, creatively crafting a character, by, for instance, showing every instance they can that make him or her look like a stone-cold IDIOT and deleting all the evidence that this person is actually very smart, but just does stupid things once in a while). The content sucks. What they choose to focus on sucks. What they choose NOT to focus on sucks.

I’ve also been trying to figure out WHY Jersey Shore has been so worthless recently.

I personally edit shows and segments for television, so I’m aware of how these shows are produced and aranged. It’s obvious to me how they could have made each episode a lot better, but elected not to.

This isn’t the editor’s fault. The editor does what the producer says. The producer does what the Executive Producer says.

Unfortunately for my previous critiques, this is as far as I followed the show up the food chain. I’ve been complaining about how the EP could possibly suck so badly that they let lame episodes like these air.

Having heard and read some recent opinions from viewers, I now believe that I “wasn’t seeing the forest, for the trees”, and that my being a fan of the show’s initial concept has blocked me from a) seeing what’s been happening, and b) applying what I know damned well about the television industry to the technical part of my criticism of the show.

Jersey Shore

I was INCREDIBLY HAPPY when I found out about the concept of “Jersey Shore”. The show was clearly based on an earlier MTV True Life documentary, “I Have A Summer Share”:

Can’t see the video? Click Here.

If you have a spare hour (plus the time it takes to rewind and laugh over and over), I suggest that you watch the entire thing:

MTV Full Episode Link => mtv.com/videos/true-life-i-have-a-summer-share/1628251/playlist.jhtml

I really enjoyed that documentary, but also realized that in telling the story of one particular person, MTV wasn’t going to really be able to show the grind of being in the trenches in the dating game.

This is why I was looking forward to Jersey Shore. They were going to take people that were on the cutthroat dating scene and follow them around with cameras while they put in work.

If you listen to the sound bites that they use for the opening of the show to this very day, you get the picture of what the show was about when it started:

Pauly D: Scratches a record that says “Get Crazy!”
Nicole: Screams “I’m going to Jersey Shore, Bitch!”
Mike: “Alright. We’ve got a situation.”
Sammi: “I’m the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet.”
Ronnie: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Jenni: “After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.”
Vinny: Somebody chanting “Go Vinny! Go Vinny”
Deena: Yells “Do you like the boobs?”

Youtube Link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbgpftoSV7A

This is obviously a show FOR GUYS.

The girls are calling themselves bitches right off the bat, asking dudes how they like their bodies and claiming that they have sex with multiple guys. Meanwhile, the quotes about the male housemates don’t say anything at all about their characters.

This is where I bought in and locked in. I was like “Thank YOU… A show for MEEEE!!! >:D”

Season 01

Season 01 was exactly what it was supposed to be.

Mike: Team Leader, Show President. Attracted girls by showing his stomach. Decided who got which girls when they brought multiples back to the house.

Pauly: Second in command. Only one with actual talent (DJ’ing). Attracted girls with his super-gelled Guile from Street Fighter hairstyle. Eventually moved to #1 when Mike fell off due to fumbling his own chicks and being an HORRIFFIC wingman.

Ronnie: Should have been the top dog. Way more potential than Mike or Pauly. Sold out to Sammi instantaneously, and has been a rap game non-factor for the entire three seasons. The only time he’s effective is when he gets drunk and Sammi’s not there, and he goes berserk, making out with multiple chicks and doing whatever else he feels like doing at the time.

Vinny: Hired as the “regular guy” and the narrator. Nice guy. The voice of reason. Complete non-factor in getting girls. Received trickle-down (extra chicks) that Mike and Pauly blessed him with.

Jenni: Eye candy. Had a boyfriend when she walked in the door. Messed with Pauly on the first night they were all in the house together, IIRC. Boyfriend eventually came to visit and brought her flowers while all the guys were doing confessionals calling him a sucker.

Sammi: Eye candy. Messed with Mike first, then started dating Ronnie and never did anything of import ever in the entire series. Credit awarded for getting punched in her face a few times by Jenni, and causing Ronnie to get into two fights, one of which, he was arrested for.

Angelina: Supposedly had messed with Mike and Pauly before the show started filming. Pretended to be “not that type of girl” and ended up screwing Vinny in season 02 before getting kicked off the show for two seasons in a row. Dated some Herb and juiced him for dates and presents while she was making out with and giving it up to Vinny.

Nicole: Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty girl. :D Tried to make out with all four of the male housemates in the hot tub on day 01. Unsuccessfully threw sex at any guy she thought was attractive that would allow her to speak to him for the entire season.

A typical episode in season 01 included some fluff about them hanging out together or going to work in the t-shirt shop, since it’s owned by the guy that owns the house they film in (the two are connected), scenes of them getting ready to go to clubs, scenes of the guys hunting in clubs, bringing chicks back to the house and trying to have sex with them.

Perfect. A show FOR GUYS. Thank ye very kindly! >:D

Season 03

Season 02 was ineffective because they filmed it in Miami. Nobody’s checkin’ for guys like this in Miami. Their best bet for pulling chicks is Seaside Heights or any area that emulates that type of Jersey nightclub social scene. You could have put any three random dudes in Miami and it would have been the exact same season.

I was looking forward to season 03 because the guys were returning to their proper hunting grounds, PLUS they were now equipped with a full year of being international television stars. There was NO. WAY. IN. HELL. that they weren’t going to rip through the grenades this season, and I couldn’t wait to watch the carnage! >:D

To my ultimate dismay and absolute horror, someone dismantled this series, and Jersey Shore, Season 03 went down like a Led Zeppelin.

Mike: The stomach-thing seems not to be working. He can’t pull girls… at all. Every time you see him leaving a club, he’s by himself. They threw him a bone by filming some chick that he screwed last year and showing him bringing her home, as if they were continuing a relationship.

This doesn’t make any sense at all…. I’m not famous. I can pull chicks just by walking into a party. I can go +4 or +5 on Facebook (exchange contact information) in less than an hour. It’s literally IMPOSSIBLE that an internationally-known television personality can walk into a club filled with girls, some of whom are his actual FANS, many of whom have seen him on television, and be so damned ineffective.

He either lost his mind or MTV’s deliberately not showing him hooking up…

Pauly: No dice… Ever since he dated that chick Rocio in Miami, Pauly fell off. Not only do you never see him bring a chick back to the house, but MTV never even shows him even TALKING to girls at the club….. Except for a 1-second clip they let slide of him walking away from a club one night, holding hands with some chick, while a second chick talked to her. In that situation, we never saw HOW he met that girl, and we never saw her ever again. The next scene Pauly’s in, he’s sitting on the couch in the house, socializing with the housemates, not saying he hooked up, and not even acting like he was ever even AROUND a girl that evening.

My speculation up to today (and I still say this is possible) was that he never stopped dating Rocio… However.. At this point, I believe that MTV’s deliberately not showing him hooking up.

Ronnie: What happened to GTL? (Gym, Tan, Laundry) .. What happened to showing the fellaz hanging out and doing what guys do? Oh no! Can’t have *THAT* in season 03! :/ All we get is Ronnie crying every. single. *******. episode. because he’s so emotional over his relationship to Sammi. In season 01, we got to see Ronnie knock some Herb out in one punch for being an asshat. In season 03, we got to see Ronnie get sucker-punched in his face by his girlfriend.

Are you starting to see the pattern here? o_O

Reality shows are crafted by the decisions that are made about what will be shown and what won’t be shown. I wasn’t looking far enough up the food chain to be able to understand who’s making those decisions, and for what reason…

Vinny: Far and away, the CLEAR LEADER OF THE PACK when it comes to pulling girls. The only guy left that MTV will allow to be seen rapping to girls, pulling girls, bringing them back to the house, and getting under the covers with them.

Vinny deserves all credit for using this year to his advantage and making an ABSOLUTE COME-UP in his skillz, style and confidence with women. Props to Vinny! :D .. Granted, Mike & Pauly are being muted/Herbed in the edit, but that takes nothing away from Vinny’s personal progress in The Game.

Jenni: After a full year of not being effective as far as dating (other than hooking up with Pauly in season 01, which they both admitted in one of the after-shows to season 03), she goes directly from being one guy’s girlfriend to being another guy’s girlfriend. *YAWN*. Strangely enough, contrary to her sound bite in the show intro, there hasn’t been any ripping of heads. Jenni has been absolutely docile. A model citizen. A doting girlfriend…..

Sammi: Although she’s never served ANY purpose WHATSOEVER on this show, other than Eye Candy, which Ronnie reminded her of by screaming in her face about how she’s a “useless, selfish bitch” who’s never even cooked for him… In Season 03, Sammi has become the poster child for denial, or, perhaps “You are what you THINK you are, not what you ACTUALLY are.”

It’s interesting to watch her mind shut down while she gathers her thoughts and reassures herself and then picks up the conversation as if she never heard what the person talking to her said, like how Ronnie had to tell her several times in several different ways that he was DONE with her as a girlfriend, and she never got the picture until he broke all of her possessions, including her prescription glasses that she probably needs to read or use her computer.

Deena: Replacement for Angelina. Trying too hard to be a character instead of just being herself. Kicks it to a guy in the club, brings him home, puts on her bikini, gets in the hot tub with him, *AND THEN* asks him if he has a girlfriend. Of course, he says “No”, even though Ronnie had already said on camera that he knows this guy’s girlfriend. Deena proceeds to hook up with him and finds out he has a girlfriend when Sammi sees her escorting the dude out of the house in the morning. Deena keeps dating this guy and eventually Mike “The Snitchuation” reveals to her that he overheard the barber telling Ronnie that the guy Deena hooked up with said that Deena had asked him if she could rim him.

That’s pretty much her entire storyline, other than getting drunk and falling down while walking, getting drunk and falling off stages while dancing, and getting drunk and falling out of hammocks onto her dome.

Nicole: Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty, Thirsty girl. :D This season, however, she has help from her friends, and has been getting dates with several guys, who, unfortunately, all know each other. The two interesting things about her this season are a) that every time she hooks up with a guy, she claims that she hasn’t had sex in 4 months, and b) that she’s walking around calling guys grenades as if she doesn’t realize that beggars can’t be choosers.

As you can tell from my description, the vibe of this show is all ******-up.

This is what I’ve been complaining about for weeks now. I believe I finally understand it, though, and I see the method to MTV’s apparent madness. I had been wondering how such horrible decisions were being made about how to put the shows together, but the fact that I’ve been a fan from day 01 has been clouding my perception.

Television Business

Television is a business. It’s not entertainment.

This is why those sappy daytime shows are called soap operas. They were developed to get people like you to sit still and watch or listen to COMMERCIAL ADVERTISEMENTS about SOAP.

That’s what’s really going on. The money comes from advertising. The advertisers pay because a show can demonstrate that X number of people watch the show, a percentage of whom are in the advertiser’s target demographic of people who they would like to buy their products or services.

Stations buy shows from production companies because they believe that that series will pull in the demographic that the station will be able to sell to advertisers.

It’s the same principle as movie stars. You pay Tom Cruise $20 Million USD to be in your film, because you know that his fans will pay you $100 Million USD to come see him in theaters and buy the DVD and rent it from stores and watch it online, etc. Your other option is to NOT pay Tom to be in the movie and hope that your no-name actor attracts $80 Million USD in revenue.

So, I wasn’t looking at the BUSINESS of the show… What threw me off was that it was clear to me what the show was about when it began, but I didn’t consider what the numbers said at the end of season 01, and how that would prompt executives to make changes in the show.

If I’m cutting a commercial for an ad agency, I don’t get to tell them what I want to be in the commercial. There are Ad Execs and Art Directors and Producers and Executive Producers and representatives of the company that the commercial is for (the client) and a lot of people that have a lot of ideas about what’s going to go into that 30 seconds’ worth of television.

What comes out of that cloud of ideas is several test commercials. They probably won’t be done with video, but rather with pictures drawn by artists like a comic book storyboard. Those are given to me and I create moves between them, emulating a video presentation. This is called an animatic. If it’s done with pictures, it’s called a photomatic. Several test commercials are sent to Focus Groups.

Focus Groups are made up of average people. You show them the commercials and ask them questions afterwards. The goal is to gauge the average Joe/Josephine’s retention of facts that are important for the client to convey. If you’re selling medicine, and most of the takeaway from the test commercial was about the bed someone was sleeping in or how cute the kid was, that commercial is most likely not getting made.

The ones where people say “I would try that product if I had a cough (or whatever the medicine fixes)” have a chance to be made into a real commercial by hiring a production company, telling them what scenes to go film, having them shoot several takes of what they were asked for, and getting that footage back in the editing suite to be scrutinized and argued over AGAIN before the final version is approved and the commercial goes on television.

This is what I believe happened to Jersey Shore. :D

Girlie Shore

What I missed, because I wasn’t following the money and I wasn’t looking far enough up the food chain to figure out who’s really pulling the strings, is that right out from under my nose, MTV changed Jersey Shore from being a GUYS’ show to being a GIRLS’ show! :D

I had never experienced this before as a fan who was emotionally invested in the original format of a show. The *ONLY* thing I liked about Jersey Shore was that people were going to finally get to see things that I had been telling them about for years, and they just didn’t believe it.

People were finally going to get to see behind the scenes of what hunters do, what they say, and what they have to deal with in order to pull chicks.

That’s what we received in season 01, right according to the perfect plan. Making out with multiple chicks, deciding who’s going to hook up with which chick AFTER getting them all back to the crib, never repeating chicks, GTL, getting your gear and haircut proper, arguments, friends stealing girls from you, the pecking order, selling out, lying, gossip, reputations getting around… Season 01 had it ALL!!! >:D

However.. Like I said.. Television is a business. Nobody cares who’s enjoying the show. Everybody cares who’s watching the show, who’s buying products, who’s following on Facebook and Twitter, who’s commenting on the blog posts and videos, who’s creating their own fan pages for the characters, who’s purchasing the eBooks, who’s showing up to the live appearances, who’s in the crowd at concerts or parties, who’s in the line for autographs…

And you know who that is?

GIRLS! :D

That’s right… Jersey Shore has been repurposed to appeal to females.

Don’t believe me? Look at the gigs the cast’s managers have lined up for them:

Ronnie’s doing weight-loss commercials:

You know who cares about that?… Females.

Pauly’s doing Justin Bieber commercials:

You know who cares about that?… Females.

Is Mike on some kind of athletic program or even a workout program? Nope. He’s on “Dancing With The Stars”.. Get the picture? o_O

The Guys

The first thing you want to do as a manager of a guy whose fan base is girls is to make it look like he doesn’t have any girls. You have to hide their significant others as well as play down their “romantic” involvements so the girls that scream for them at public appearances can all dream and fantasize that one day, *SHE* be Mrs. Pauly D or Mrs. Snitchuation.

This is a tough turnaround to make with guys whose only goal in life is to meet girls and screw them.

The first thing MTV did was show Pauly & Vinny agreeing to erase their names from the hookup board in Miami after they met quality women (The chalkboard where they were leaving marks for themselves every time they bagged a new chick). I found this suspicious because we had NEEEEEEVER seen the hookup board until they decided to remove themselves from it.

The next thing they did was make Pauly really admire Rocio for being a quality female, spend as much time with her as he could, and talk in confessionals about how “she’s not the type of girl that you take home and smash the first night”.

The next thing they did was obliterate Pauly’s presence from the hookup game *ENTIRELY* in season 03 with zero explanation for his lack of production.

Mike was never that effective, anyway. He does the stomach-trick and if the chicks are interested in that, they might hook up with him and they might not. This season, he’s been a complete ZERO, trying to leech chicks off of Vinny, and unsuccessfully inviting Pauly’s ex-girlfriend to come home with him, meaning that basically, he was going to try to have sex with Pauly’s ex in the same house where Pauly currently lives. Poor choice, dude. Good luck with that.

Ronnie took himself out of the game right off the bat, hooking up with Sammi. He got back in the game when he was drunk in the clubs in Miami, but this season, he’s suddenly a model citizen. o_O Every single episode, we have to hear about how he’s never cheated on Sammi since Miami. Every time he’s crying, he’s saying “I didn’t DO anything! :( What did I DO? :(“. This is another female-centric… femi-centric?… femme-centric? storyline.. The boyfriend that’s SOOO in love with his girlfriend that he will cry over her…………… and destroy everything she owns if she dances with another guy in a club and rubs her ass on him.

Vinny is literally the only concession MTV has made to the fellaz that watch the show. Having said that, they STILL downplay his achievements. It’s like a split second of Vinny meeting a chick.. A split second of him talking to her.. A split second of him inviting her home.. A split second of them walking from the club.. A split second of them walking up the stairs.. A split second of them getting under the covers with the night-vision camera watching them.. A short scene where Mike tries to get sex from the same girl ………. AND THEN 10 MINUTES OF RONNIE CRYING! :/

The Girls

The girls basically served no purpose AT ALL other than Eye Candy in season 01. The only reason they were necessary was because the format of the original documentary was guys AND girls who were friends, all sharing the same house together. Other than that, they could have been left out entirely, and Jersey Shore would have been at least four times as good.

I’m not saying that because they’re not dudes. I’m saying that because they were completely ineffective.

Jenni came to the show with a boyfriend and proceeded to front on any guy that tried to kick it to her. Who wants to watch that? \o/ Sammi came to the show single, and immediately shacked up with Ronnie (which is *HIS* fault too, so he gets blamed also), so they cancelled each other out. Angelina played that role like she’s not DTF when everybody already knew that she was. Nicole tossed sex at a bunch of dudes that didn’t want what she was offering.

It wasn’t like they cast four chicks that were down for theirs as far as dating. The guys (obviously, minus Ronnie) did exactly what they claimed they were going to do.. try to pull chicks. On top of that, none of the girls even know how to cook. The guys were always cooking. The chicks served no purpose whatsoever, except for the scenes where they were half-undressed while they were getting ready to go to the club.

In the reformatted and repurposed third season, the gals actually have roles to play:

Jenni: The girl that ‘has had some work done’ and does her best to look attractive. The serial monogamist. The chick that suffers through a bad breakup. The chick that knows how to have her friends’ backs and play her position when her man’s doing the right thing by her.

Sammi: The spoiled chick that’s gotten by to this very day because of her looks and currently believes her own hype. Bringing nothing else to the table, she still somehow considers herself better than girls that are less physically attractive than she is, regardless of how they carry themselves as human beings. The girl that will punch her boyfriend in the face for disobeying her orders. The girl whose boyfriend FREAKS OUT on her and destroys all her property because she rubbed her ass on another guy at a club.

Deena: The new kid on the block. The person that’s trying too hard to fit in and be an exciting character. The person who would get better results out of life by being herself. The female who always gets the short end of the stick when it comes to pulling guys, so she has to make a spectacle of herself to try to stand out in a crowd of better-looking females. The lowest person on the totem pole. The person that doesn’t feel like they fit in.

Nicole: The chick that gets a lot of attention, but people can’t figure out why. She’s actually on Deena-status, but believes she’s on Sammi-status. She overcomes her deficiencies by creating her own clothing styles and souping herself up with unsubstantiated confidence.

These are all roles and personality-types that Josephine-average can relate to. These are now critical to building the female fantasy version of Jersey Shore.

For instance.. They’ve been playing up a supposed unrequited romance between Nicole and Vinny. This is entirely and absolutely ridiculous, but MTV keeps incorporating this storyline into the show.

It’s ridiculous because every girl Vinny’s hooked up with (that MTV was willing to show us) has been better-looking than Nicole. :D Every. Single. One! :D Angelina’s better-looking, Ryder’s better-looking, the chick in Miami was like 8,000 times better-looking, Mike’s sister had a way better body… The only chick close to Nicole’s looks that Vinny hooked up with was Nicole.

If Vinny were planning to sell out like Ronnie, it sure as hell wouldn’t be for Nicole. However…. The fantasy of exclusive access to a guy is a staple in female American society. This is great, that every week, the girls can tune in to see if Nicole finally lands Vinny for a romantic relationship instead of crawling into bed with each other when they’re both drunk and neither one of them scored somebody else to hook up with that night.

The End

So.. As far as I’m concerned, Jersey Shore is over for the fellaz. It’s now a chick-flick.

I’m still going to watch, to see how wack they can POSSIBLY make the episodes, and to see if I’m right about all this, but I’m no longer expecting storylines I’m interested in to make it up off the cutting room floor.

I’ve been saying for months that this should be the last season of Jersey Shore, but it turns out that they’re doing a season in Italy.

It didn’t make any sense to continue the series, according to the original format of guys bagging girls, because the Jersey Shore subculture isn’t derived from Italy. It’s derived from America. It makes PERFECT sense now that it’s a girl’s show, just like how they took “Sex and the City 2″ abroad so the women could share adventures together. In fact, even “Basketball Non-Wives” filmed two episodes in Madrid, Spain.

I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see Jersey Shore, Season 04 syndicated to Bravo Television and worked into the rotation with the “Real Housewives” franchise.

There should be *NO* return to prominence for Pauly & Mike, as they’re both being groomed by their managers to make more female-oriented appearances. Vinny apparently doesn’t have any such endorsements, so they’re going to let him keep getting laid on camera until he goes the same route.

He could probably land a Trojan’s endorsement. \o/ (male-oriented)

Speaking of getting laid.. This chick-flick theory also explains why Ronnie & Sammi were allowed to take the room with three beds in it.

When Snitchuation unnecessarily asked Sammi where Ronnie keeps his condoms, she replied “I don’t know if he has any”. This indicates that either they aren’t using condoms, or they aren’t hooking up at all.

I don’t remember one single time this season that they showed Ronnie getting biz with Sammi. o_O ….. We know from all his crying that Ronnie wouldn’t screw her with Mike in the room, so he would have to take her to the guest room to hit it. I don’t remember ever seeing that.

MTV has removed just about ALL the hookup content from the show. The guys are all defunct, except for Vinny. Sammi’s off the grid. Jenni’s with her boyfriend.

Deena threw it at Mike several times, who declined all of her advances, even though he was willing to lay down with her AND Nicole together, his explanation being that he was willing to hook up with Deena as part of a threesome, strictly for the value of it being a threesome. \o/

Deena also gave it up to one guy, who apparently gossiped about her like a dog.

Other than that, she mostly drinks and falls down, and dudes don’t seem to be interested in tappin’ that.

Nicole has hooked up with at least three guys and is now walking around clubs, pointing out that the guys aren’t up to her standards?…..

Season 03 has clearly become a story about four girls trying to get laid and/or find love in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I wish them all good luck & prosperity in their relationships/hookups.

Hopefully, after filming season 04 in Italy, Pauly & Mike’s managers will spin them off into solo projects, Ronnie & Sam can go live together and have kids or whatever, Vinny can get his game on and eventually retire with a FOYINE chick he can take home and “make an honest woman”, Jenni and Roger will be happy together and Deena & Nicole find boyfriends before they catch something.

The next thing that needs to happen is for the producers to start all over with a fresh cast of non-stars, so we can get back to the ******* ACTION! >:D
–
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