So, The Kid was invited out to lunch the other day by a female friend of mine. This was *not* a date, but the issues are relevant to dating, because the only difference is I wasn’t trying to get laid…. So the way it went down, she ended up selecting the place…

This is important because I like to keep it simple when I eat. I normally stick to your garden-variety American food, Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Pizza, Shrimp Fried Rice, you know, regular food.

So, if I had picked the spot, none of this would have happened to me. :)

So, I’m like “uh-oh” off the bat, because the place she picked had an Italian-sounding name, and it wasn’t Sbarro’s or Olive Garden. So I knew I was about to be outclassed. That’s what this post is about. Grace Under Pressure. How to carry yourself when you’re that proverbial fish out of water.

Be Punctual (on time)

So when you’re going somewhere to meet a gal, it’s extremely in your best interest to be AT LEAST on time, if not EARLY. I covered this base by exiting the subway 15 minutes before meetup time and lounging within striking distance of the restaurant. I needed to not get there first, because the reservation was in HER name. I needed to not get there LATE, because The Kid is courteous to his lady-friends *bows* :D So I kept my eye on the clock on my G1, while Twittering, eMailing & AIMing to pass the time.

Two minutes until my mark, I was standing across the street from the restaurant doing a final systems check on my smartphone. Let me switch my usual wallpaper of me licking some chick’s neck to a sunset or something. Check! Let me delete this text message thread from this other chick. Check! Let me terminate all processes so the wrong website doesn’t come up if I choose to show her something on my browser. Check!!! I was ready.

So I walk in the spot, and it’s this really nice (to me, anyway, hahaha) Italian place. I look at the bar and don’t see her. I walk a little further into the place, looking for whomever’s paying attention to me, which means they work there. This cute blonde chick starts walking over and I can tell she’s one of the greeters. I give her my friend’s name for the reservation so she can see if she’s here already and she goes over to the computer to check…. This is when I notice…….

This. Chick. Is. Fine. Than. A. GOOD-GoodGoogeleMoogela…… DAYUM!!! O_o

Keep Your EYES On The PRIZE

So, all of a sudden, I have a problem. I was cool, calm and suave until I noticed that this chick had more bounce to the ounce. I mean DAYUMMM!!! :D JEEZ!!! :D So now, I don’t want to meet my friend for lunch AT. ALL., because all energy from the dilithium crystals have been diverted to my only goal in life, which is hooking up with this chick I just saw 20 seconds ago for the first time in my life. DAYUM!

This is where GAME has to kick in. This is where experience has to carry you to irrational decisions. This is that playoff situation where the ballplayer is really good during the regular season, then chokes when it really counts. Experience is the only thing that will keep your eyes on the prize. I mean, my eyes were SQUARELY. ON. THE. PRIZE… but that wasn’t *THE* prize, dig?.. I was there for a specific reason, so I had to get my enjoyment on, mark it down for future reference and get my act back together… NOW! :D

INexperience would have placed me at my friend’s table completely out of my mind and unable to function as a gentleman. Not acceptable. Ain’t Goin’ Out. Like. That! Ain’t Goin’ Out. Like. That! (WE AIN’T GOIN’ OUT!!!)

So, my future ex-wife leads me to my friend’s table and I’ve cleared my head out and I’m back on point by the time I greet her with a nice kiss on the cheek. I thank my beloved and she leaves me a menu and breaks north as my focus remains directly on my friend instead of the greeter-chick’s ass.

So we’re chatting about this and that from sneakers to hats, and here comes the… I don’t know what his title is. He’s the guy that announces what the specials are, but he doesn’t actually bring you anything, and he isn’t the greeter either. So there’s the greeter to bring you in from the door to your seat, this guy, then the runners who actually bring you stuff and then the waiters?… Anyway…

So he asks if we’d like anything to drink. Anybody who knows The Kid knows he asked THE WRONG PERSON if I wanted something to drink! haha

Meanwhile, you don’t want to come off like a Cro-Mag, like “I’mma drink REGARDLESS, SUNNNNN!” :D So, beside the fact that you always have the ladies order before the men, I had to place the ball in her court, because worst-case scenario, I would have suffered through a non-alcoholic beverage for the sake of the hangout. I didn’t WANT TO, but I *would* have! :D

Play It Off

Fortunately, even though she wasn’t “drinking”, she didn’t mind if I did, so I asked dude what the beer list was. This is where I realized what my next obstacle was going to be. He rattles off a list of beers, and I can baaaaaaarely understand what he’s saying. I mean, I know what the names of the beers are, but I need to decipher his accent. Apparently, they hired a SPANISH dude to work in an ITALIAN restaurant, :/ so now, I have a big problem, because I can’t even understand when he says Heineken or Blue Moon. I *KNOW* I’m gonna be TOAST when it gets to the MENU! :/

So there was only one beer that he named that I totally had never heard of. It was an Italian beer, so I said I’d have one of those. When in Rome, right? :D So he disappears and we keep chatting. At some point, I realize she had already retrieved her napkin from the table, which meant it was sitting in her lap. I followed suit, ASAP. I normally wait until they bring the food, but it’s usually a good idea to mirror the sensibilities of the lady you’re sitting across from. BTW, for those of youse that don’t know, this is another courtesy issue. It’s not like you actually believe you’re going to spill something on yourself, it’s just what you do… like not having your elbows on the table and not eating as soon as they bring your food if the other people at your table haven’t been served yet.

So the beer was good and the conversation was good, and then it came to the moment of truth. Dude comes back and is like “Would you like to hear the specials of the day?” So I refrain from asking if the blonde chick could tell us instead of him, and he starts talking.

Act As If

Now, I probably know about 12 different foods, Hamburger, Steak, Shrimp, a couple of different types of Fish, Hot Dogs, Pizza and all those weeds that they call Thai food, etc. OH, and I’ve heard of Tofu. So this guy proceeds to rattle off all these names of expensive-sounding Italian dishes with a Spanish accent and even if I had ever heard of the food-types he was talking about, I wouldn’t have been able to decipher what he was saying, so I kept nodding as if I knew what was going on. Every once in a while, I would smile and then look at her, like “Oh! Doesn’t THAT sound delicious? :D” I had no. I. DEA. what he was saying.

So he leaves the menu, which, fortunately, had English subtitles under each dish description. Now, I’m looking at the section that says “Specials”, because the Spanish dude had asked if we’d like to hear the specials, right? So it’s like the lowest-priced item was like $18. Now, before Frank starts jumping up and down… She had already told me lunch was on her. So I was playing the reverse role and tryin’na Keep It Cheap! :D

So I decide I’m going to have the $18 Salmon (which is *NOT* pronounced with an “L” in it….. SAAMUNN. Just like how there’s no G in SANDWICH). So dude comes back and I have her order first, and she says blah blah blah which I didn’t understand, since she ordered in Italian, so I wasn’t EVEN gonna play myself by trying to say the Italian title, so I go “I’ll have the salmon and pointed to it on the menu. So, the dude looks at me funny, like as if *I*M* the one with the accent :/ So I’m like “The salmon… This one, right here”, and I hold the menu up so he can see what I want. So dude looks confused and I’m thinking JEEZ, what’s the problem now? So then he goes:

“um……….. That’s an appetizer.”

So now, I’ve played myself, due to the fact that since I don’t speak or read Italian, I had no idea where the appetizers ended and the actual meals started. Of course, with my TGI Friday’s-going-ass, I didn’t imagine that it was possible that an APPETIZER would cost $18. :/ I mean, damn… Once you get in the double-digits…. Anyway… So, instead of doing a Fonzie, and going “I knew that.”, I stuck to my guns that I wanted salmon, and my friend suggested that I get the actual meal that included salmon. I allowed the announcer to go BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH as if I understood what he was saying was going to be surrounding the salmon when he brought it, smiled, nodded at him, said “That’s great. I’ll have that.” and thanked him whilst handing over the menu.

Hold It Down

Now.. The key to navigating that very embarrassing situation is to remember who you are.. That is.. if you ARE anybody. That’s a loss I was perfectly willing to eat, because I never claimed to know anything about menus written in Italian. I also don’t know anything about soup. I also don’t know anything about wine, other than it comes in the color red and a clearish color that they call white. They both get me drunk, so I couldn’t care less which one is available to me. That’s who I am. I don’t hang out with the Duke & Duchess of York at their castle (or wherever Dukes live) with the long, 18-person dining tables. I don’t go “Skiing in the AspenS”. I couldn’t give a flying &@#$ about stuff like that, so there are going to be times that I’m just going to have to take a loss and look like I don’t know what I’m doing. :D

So, There were more mishaps, but I’m sure you’re already bored. The bottom line is that everything isn’t always going to be rosy in The Game. There are going to be situations that come up that are going to throw you off. How you deal with those situations is going to determine whether you correct yourself and succeed or spiral out of control, crash & burn. One of the WORST issues, IMO, is feeling dumb or stupid or outclassed. Your only refuge in situations like that is reminding yourself WHO. YOU. ARE… WHAT. YOU. DO… and how well you do it.

It’s like when someone was snapping on you back in the day, and the only thing that kept you from losing it was you knew that after he finished talking ALL KINDS OF GARBAGE about you, you were gonna go “That’s not what YOUR *MOMS* said last night!” and the whole crowd was gonna ERUPT because you just pulled out the stops, and his only recourse was to try to throw the hands with you and catch a critical beatdown.

You have to have that mental location where you take refuge when the going gets tough. You have to be able to retreat from the reality of embarrassment and dwell in the realm of your own ultimate flyness until you can stand to get back in the game. It’s ALL about Crunch-Time… Grace under Pressure. Those bad situations feel like a ton of bricks at the time, but if you make it through with poise, you’ll gain more cool points for that then what you lost for ordering the equivalent of calamari when you were supposed to order steak & eggs.

Character & Distinction

Anybody can come off fly when things are going well for them. When you can still “hold your head” in the midst of adversity, that’s where your character shines through and you distinguish yourself from the masses. Conversation over your head?.. Play it cool and then bring it back down to a level you can kick it on. Chick’s talking about places you’ve never been (and really don’t have any intentions on ever GOING? :D), tell her about being on 125th or the L.E.S. or Central Park in the middle of the night. She hasn’t been THERE, for sure.

Focus on *YOUR* strengths and good qualities. List them mentally, if you have to. Over and Over. As the walls of reality close in on you and you feel increasingly embarrassed and inadequate… remind yourself of how WELL you would be ROCKING THIS if it were in YOUR arena. Remind yourself how WELL you’re gonna rock it if/when all this Bourgeoisie $*#& ends and it comes down to you vs her, one on one, in PRIVATE… YA HEARD? :D

Hold your head and weather the storm… Knowing that regardless of how far behind on the count you are, you’re gonna keep hitting fouls until you get that one pitch you need to smash it out of the park! :D
 
~ Bill Cammack

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Does anyone know why Twitter automatically shortens URLs?

It seems to me that if you’re within your 140 character limit, Twitter should mind its own business and leave what you wrote alone.

For example, I just typed http://billcammack.com/2009/04/10/time-part-06-whats-your-budget/ into Twitter.com and also into TweetDeck and they both resulted in a tinyurl of http://tinyurl.com/c6x54q.

Example #1: http://twitter.com/BillCammack/status/1532756085
Example #2: http://twitter.com/BillCammack/status/1532757140

So since my statement would have fit within the 140 characters, how come I received a tinyurl?

Trust

The main reason I bring this up is that a lot of people won’t click on shortened links with very good reason. You don’t know what site you’re being directed to.

This isn’t just an issue on Twitter, but on forums, newsgroups, etc.

So what happens if I want people to know that I’m directing them to my own personal site, where they’ve already been 100 times and know what they’re likely to see?

In case you don’t know what a URL shortener does, it changes a link with a long string, such as http://billcammack.com/2009/04/10/time-part-06-whats-your-budget/ into something shorter, like http://tinyurl.com/blahbl so that it’s easier for people to remember, re-type or fit inside whatever character limit you have (such as Twitter’s 140 character limit).

So the problem is that lots of people & companies use shortened URLs to send you places where you don’t actually want to go. The more people get caught with this, the less they trust shortened URLs and then your links are automatically shortened by Twitter. :/

Another problem is that sometimes I link to my own site and sometimes I link to YouTube or to someone else’s site. I have to go out of my way to indicate that I’m sending people to my own site or take my chances that they think “ah… Another YouTube rock video. I’m not going to click on that link.”

Failure

Another problem is that in the case of the shortener company failing temporarily or permanently, those links no longer work, so then what?

Search

Another problem is that since the frenzy right now is trying to use Twitter for search, your site’s URL is being removed from every single post you make. That happens to make no difference to me, personally, because my Twitter name and my site name are the exact same thing. For people or companies that aren’t set up this way, it looks like they’ll be missing out on quite a few opportunities for search results.

Solutions?

Tyme White decided to make her own short URLs. Another way to get around the issue is to not use the long-format URL of your post, opting for something that looks like http://billcammack.com/?p=4667 (this post). If you know your actual post number, you should be able to fit it within the shortener cutoff, depending on the length of your actual site name.

This had been temporarily relieved a little while back, and I got to put some actual URLs in Twitter [link], but they closed it off again, apparently.

Anyway, if you know of some good reason why URLs should be shortened when they don’t need to be, feel free to enlighten me in the comments. I don’t really care about this, because people aren’t searching Twitter for my name.. They’re searching Google. For the people that DO care about being searched on Twitter, this may very well be a major issue that will affect them down the line, when there are zero mentions of their website and a million references to tinyurl.com available in search.twitter.com.

Edit: Jayson Flint ( jaysonflint.com / @jaysonflint ) left me a comment on Facebook that putting an asterisk * in front of the “http” solves this problem. *http://blahblah.

I just tried it and got the result I was looking for => http://twitter.com/BillCammack/status/1534164738.

The URL was still shortened in the text, but my site name was clearly visible/searchable, and the entire URL shows up in search => http://search.twitter.com/search?q=billcammack.com.

Thanks, Jayson. Cheers! :D

~ Bill Cammack

Twitter: BillCammack
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Add John Edwards to the list of politicians who were discovered to have had sex outside of their marriage, including Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, David Paterson, etc, etc, etc…… *yawn*

I’m going to try to get in and out of this one, haha no pun intended, rather quickly, because I’m actually completely bored of the topic of people “cheating” in relationships. The fact of the matter is that human beings operate off of FREE WILL and do whatever they want WHENever they want, regardless of what they told you last month, last week, last night or the last telephone conversation you had with them.

Politicians, however, are in a “special circumstances” situation… at least, if they’re aiming for the top…. which… of course… is to become the President of the United States of America.

George Bush is the forty-third and current PotUS. Out of those 43 men, only ONE wasn’t married. That was James Buchanan.

James “Jimbo” Buchanan, Jr. was the fifteenth President of the United States, between the years of 1857 and 1861…. That’s EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN! :D hahahaha That’s the middle of the NINETEENTH CENTURY! There was not ONE unmarried PotUS in the entire Twentieth Century. The first and last one was approximately ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS AGO! :D There is absolutely no end to this trend in sight…. I mean, it’s not even a “trend”. James Buchanan was an anomaly. Getting married is virtually a prerequisite for being elected President.

I’m sure you can imagine that this puts an incredible amount of stress on young male politicians to get married whether they want to or not. On top of that, they need to do it early, so that they can be seen as upstanding members of society and receive the endorsements that are going to eventually carry them to the big show.

Meanwhile, in every other profession on the planet, you can be single and prosper. You can have as many chicks as you want and all people are going to say is “Go, Man, Go!” or hate on you because you have stuff that they wish they had and are never going to get.

The reason why being a politician creates “special circumstances” is that you’re being groomed to take charge and control of really important things….. like… the Armed Forces?… And at the same time, you’re NOT supposed to do what YOU feel like doing. I mean… It would be one thing if you had NO money, NO prestige, NO power, NO fame and NO opportunity, then, yeah, sure… be happy you got one girl ever in life and leave it at that. Being a politician, though, requires shouldering ‘heavy’ responsibilities and making hard decisions that affect many, many people. Politicians are GROOMED to impose their will on others. That’s the only way to properly represent the people that elected you to office. What are you there for, if not to effect change and advocate for what you believe in and what YOU want for your constituents?

So, politicians are between a rock and a hard place. They can either get married and have career potential or NOT get married and have women that they’re physically attracted to and enjoy having sex with as a trade-off for their highest professional aspirations in life. It’s actually worse than that, because some politicians probably only became popular with the ladies AFTER they had positions of power, which means AFTER they were already married with children. How wack is THAT? :D When it’s FINALLY time for you to get on, you’re not supposed to do it. When chicks are FINALLY throwing panties at you, like they never did when you were an A+ student GEEK in high school & college, NOW, you’re not supposed to hook up with them. NOW that you can afford to spend $4,000 a pop on imported hookers, people literally want to make a Federal Case out of it.

I have to pause for the cause, here hahaha. I was in DC one time for my sister’s friend’s birthday party in some kind of pie-in-the-sky hotel where the center of the bar/club in the penthouse stays in one place and the outside slowly rotates, so you can sit at your table and get a 360 degree view of the surrounding area… beautiful! :D So anyway… I had to go downstairs and come back up to the party, and I was waiting to transfer to the elevator that went to the PH. This middle-aged dude comes out of a room and sits down in a chair to wait for the same elevator. Nothing unusual. Next thing I know, this ONE other middle-aged dude ushers no fewer than SIX much-younger Asian chicks (yet obviously legal) out into the hallway, dressed to the NINES, and they flock around this dude in the chair like he was like… I dunno… Brad Pitt? Richard Gere? hahaha So I’m thinking WTF is going on here? :D So we go to the party, and I’m hanging out with my sister and her friends at the bar, and I spot that same one dude on the dance floor with ALL SIX CHICKS AROUND HIM! :D That’s when I got hip to the fact that “Money Talks and Bullshit Walks” and he had obviously “ordered out”.

Now, I don’t know a thing about that dude as far as whether he was a politician or business man or whatever, but that’s how some dudes are living. Doing what they want to do, when they want to do it and spending their money on what they enjoy… in that particular case, women. That’s GOT to be hard for poliicians to listen to on the back 9 of the golf course… especially when THEY probably have more money and prestige than the guys livin’ it up!

Does this EXCUSE them? Nope. They still made the agreement. They accepted the commitment that comes along with marriage. If they get caught out there doing their thing, their character takes a hit and that might very well signal the end of their political careers anyway. Politicians should be as accountable as anyone else for not being people of their word. It just seems like people are MORE shocked when its a politician involved in these monthly scandals, when basically, it’s like Chris Rock said, ““A man is basically as faithful as his options”.

Speaking of “Special Circumstances”… What’s the deal with making the wives do the perp-walk with them to the podium? Hand-in-hand, merrily they walk to center-stage while he camera flashes go off, and the wife stands there for however long she has to, looking like “Picture of Rejection”, while her husband “admits” what has already been in the tabloids for days, weeks, months or years. I mean, seriously. Someone needs to revamp the speeches they write for these guys and put a couple of lines in for the wife, too.

I know what the point is. It’s showing the world that a) you didn’t get dumped when your wife found out what you did, and b) that the most slighted person in this situation has apparently forgiven you, so everyone else should just ease back and fuhgeddabouddit. Unfortunately, that only works when your wife is SMILING and appears to be HAPPY to be standing next to you. When they look shellshocked, because you dragged them on stage one day after they found out what you did on the television news or your daughter came home from junior high school with the story, it really doesn’t help your campaign for sympathy.

Anyway… As tough as it is to run successful companies, it’s got to be tougher to run cities, states and countries. We’re bred as Americans to take what we want and strive to be the best at whatever we do. It’s just not natural to expect the leaders of leaders of leaders to not indulge in the finer things in life. Having said that, we would like to imagine that our leaders are beyond reproach. I think this is the key to why people are so amazed every time this happens. We’d like to believe that our politicians believe what we believe, which is why we elect them to advocate for us. We’d like to believe that no matter how much power, money or fame our leaders accumulate, they’ll still carry themselves with the humility of a West Virginian lumberjack who goes to church with his wife, plays XBOX with his son and participates in the annual log-rolling competition. But if you think about it….

What’s the point of being the President if you can’t get blown under the table? :/
 
DatingGenius
 
 

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I’m not impressed with Serial Monogamy.

Call it what it is. You’re messing with someone, and then you’re not.

It’s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they’re in a relationship with… but then… getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure… EVERY relationship ends instantaneously…. It’s ON and then it’s OFF. I’m just saying that it’s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they’re in a relationship, it’s going to last forever, and then it doesn’t, and then the next one’s supposed to last forever. Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).

I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13. Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating. I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew. That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well. The effect of this was that at some point, ‘everyone’ dated ‘everyone’. What was interesting about this was that there weren’t any politics involved. Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.

By “no politics”, I mean that there wasn’t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day. There wasn’t any drama when she’d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy. There wasn’t any possessiveness over chicks at all. It was just you were dating someone, or you weren’t.

Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person. There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren’t in relationships. As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc. For the guys, it’s all sport. How many chicks (if you’re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in ‘Deep Check’ simultaneously? How many numbers can you pull? How many chicks can you screw?

The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives. From the chicks’ side, they don’t want the stigma of being “loose”… by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway… so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up. This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it’s sanctioned, and they can’t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less… week or less?… day or less?).

Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls. Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful. This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a ‘change of heart’. He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously. If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he’s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he’d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.

The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to “the right guy” or “the one”. The woman thinks she’s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him. Once she decides he’s legit and “the one”, she finally gives it up… then he disappears… or, at least stops taking her calls. This doesn’t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time… Once. There’s no way she could have known that, because there’s no way he would have TOLD her that.

For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys. It’s completely unfounded. How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? :D Compare that to the number of times that you’ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.

So now, we live in this evolved culture. People still want to do what they want to do, but they don’t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors. They utilize serial monogamy to act like they’re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay. Meanwhile, to them, “significant other” simply means “the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.

Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues. The timing of this is critical, because if she’s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script. It’s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape. Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, as Laure suggests, or lying and acting like he’s interested in what she’s interested in so he can keep tappin’ that.

In a perfect world, he would ‘release her from her contract’ so she can go ‘get her biology on!’ :D … Then again… In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin’ and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.

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If you have a boring personality, you can go out with any chick, and it’s cool. It’s not so easy for edgy guys that like to do fun & interesting stuff on the spur of the moment. It’s easy for your natural persona to clash with hers instead of combining with hers in a way that both of you have a fantastic time. There are obvious limitations to some chicks’ abilities to go with the flow. She might not be into taking pictures, for instance. If that’s a way that you express yourself and inform your friends and family of what you’re doing with your one life that we’re going to get, then that’s a clash. In order for that to be a win-win, you have to either NOT hang out with her or NOT take pictures of her when you’re hanging out.

Another example is PDA (Public Displays of Affection). You might be into it, and she isn’t. The only win-win is a compromise between each of your comfort levels, which normally means NO PDA whatsoever. Then again, if your point in spending time with her is to “Display Affection” ;), you just don’t take her out in public from the giddyap.

PDA… Personal Digital Assistant? :D

Anyway… Chicks tend to go out with boring guys. This is because boring guys are stable… Easily controlled… Less likely to cheat, either because they’re “not that type” or they’re too busted or weird to get another girl anyway. Chicks like stuff like that for some reason. They’d rather mess with a guy they know they’re not going to lose anytime soon than a guy they know they’re really physically attracted to but don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of controlling >:D

So they THINK their guys are edgy, but they’re really not… Not by a longshot. Unfortunately, they expect YOU to be just like the boring dudes. “Guilt by Association” rears its ugly head! :D You have to make sure you distinguish yourself as separate from that pack. Otherwise, when you’re chilling at a birthday party, drinking and flirting with her @ the karaoke bar and eventually, you pull up to her bumper, she’s like “WHAT THE #&*$ WAS THAT??? :O” as if something strange is happening.

A ‘quick and dirty’ way to distinguish yourself to chicks is to apply a form of shock therapy. Scare the living daylights out of them, as far as relationships go. Make sure they’re aware that you’re capable of ANY-THING at ANY-TIME. :D Make them wary of leaving their little sisters OR their mothers around you. This does THEM the favor of opening their minds to the potentials of life, interaction and fun, while doing YOU the favor of clearing the path so that when you DO do something edgy with her, she’s just relieved that it’s not any of the WORSE things that she already imagined you doing to her. :)

Strangely enough, I started thinking about this because of this tech video. Watch the first 1:30:

So I’m watching this, and I realized that the same thing he does to potential employees… I do that to chicks. :) Sure, you want to be friendly with them and all that… However, if they’re looking to get past friendship, you really want to scare the BEJESUS out of them, or else, similar to janky website design, your relationship’s going to be *BROKEN* practically immediately.

I had to watch it again. I use *EXACTLY* the same style. First of all, don’t try to hook me up unless you KNOW me. This is similar to the part where he says “I interview every single person that comes to work for me” and “It really leads to some problems in the company, like if I’m on a trip for 5 days and we need to bring somebody in and say, you know what? If they sit with me, and I can look them in the eye…” That’s the whole thing. You can tell when you look her in the eye whether she understands who she’s looking at or not. It’s a form of concentrated attention, the way she focuses on you and pays attention to what you’re saying… It’s like she’s fascinated by you, yet afraid to turn her back on you at the same time.

This is another reason you need to use shock therapy on chicks. When they’re talking about you to their girlfriends (and they ALWAYS talk about you to their girlfriends), you want them saying THE RIGHT THINGS that bring their girls to the table ready for battle. You don’t want all this “oh, he’s a nice guy” and “oh, he’s so educated and cute and smart” because then, their girls meet you with visions of kids, dogs and Volvos in their heads, so now you have to do DOUBLE the work, to deconstruct them mentally and then REconstruct them and THEN see if they’re compatible with you now that they know what the real deal is.

So in the case of hiring someone, you want your employees to know the drill when it comes to working for your company. In the case of hookups, you want your ground troops traveling with the right information so the chicks they bring back either love you or hate you. Still, hookups suck unless the chick involved really understands what you’re about, so it’s best to “interview every single person that comes to work for you” and “look them in the eye” and hit ‘em with the worst-case scenario. You can see her demeanor change, right on the spot. She’ll either think “I’d never go out with him” or “Oh, he thinks he’s a bad-ass… He doesn’t know who *I* AM!”, which will help you to decide to move forward with the interview or change the subject / bail out entirely.

Actually, there’s a third potential reaction, this kind of simpleton stare like she doesn’t understand what you just said. Depending on what you like in chicks you mess with, that’s either FANTASTIC or horrible. :D

So when you’re hitting her with the worst-case scenarios, it’s not actually important what she says. What’s important is HOW SHE LOOKS as soon as her brain comprehends what you just told her hahahaha :D The stages go like this after you finish speaking:

1) She hasn’t received all of the data yet
2) She has all the words, but she’s composing it into what it actually means
3) She realizes what you said and subconsciously reacts to it
4) She starts thinking about how she feels about what you said
5) She formulates her response
6) She delivers her response

The main thing you’re looking for is her subconscious reaction. IME, it’s usually “He’s kidding”, “Maybe I didn’t hear him correctly”, “That’s crazy”, “Life doesn’t work like that”, “There’s no way that works”, “Who’d fall for THAT?”, “Do guys really think that way?”, “That’s funny”, “I’d love to see him do that in real life”, etc etc etc. This is way more important than her eventual statement. She can say all she wants that what you said was messed up, but you already saw that gleam in her eye that she thought it was funny when she initially GOT what you were saying. She can say all she wants that she doesn’t care or what you said didn’t affect her, but you saw her get that “oh my God!” realization in her eyes of who she’s looking at. It’s like you mentally see her get up and walk away, but she physically sits there anyway to keep up appearances. But you can clearly feel her “leave you”.

So, yeah… If you’re an edgy guy, make sure you interview chicks like a business. Gauge their ability to hang with you by their reactions to your throwing the kitchen sink at them. If they pass, you know you can fight with them and still love them and vice versa. If they FAIL![EPIC], they might still be useful as friends, except *only* when you’re layin’ back in the cut NOT “doin’ you”. Same rules apply. Some people, you do business with. Some people, you have drinks with. Some people, you can do both with. Put her through the shock and watch her eyes, body language and breathing patterns. Turn up the heat level after level and when you’re convinced of her character and fortitude, turn it off. Let her be. She’s earned your respect and progressed to the next level.

Props are awarded. It’s “Miller Time”… Cheers! :D

When she’s ready… She’ll look like this:

Mentally Tested, Battle-Ready Female: 2008 Edition

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