By now, you’ve heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was banging the hired help while he was married and having kids with his wife.

For some people, this was a surprise. I suppose they never read my 2008 article “Political Sex Scandals”.

I suppose they also never saw this video of Schwarzenegger in Brazil back in the day:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

Does this look like a dude that’s interested in one female?… Nope.

It’s All In The Game

Anyway… I didn’t have much to say about this topic because it’s so basic that I couldn’t get a grip on only ONE topic that I wanted to talk about.

When it comes to dating, there are only three types of guys:

1. Guys that are looking for one girl to settle down with.
2. Guys that are willing to FAKE looking for one girl so they can get laid.
3. Guys that will tell you to your face that they’re not going to be exclusive with you and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it.

So.. When I hear that some dude has a teenage kid with his hired help, my two reactions are, a) “Sucks to be you.. Should have used a condom.”, and b) “**** it. He’s rich. He can afford Child Support payments”.

Also, when I hear that the hired help’s kid is the same age as his wife’s youngest kid, I’m like “Welp… Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.”

So.. Obviously, I have no problems at all with dudes screwing as many chicks as they like, even on the same day…. If you’re not hip to the facts, according to CNN:

A son fathered by Arnold Schwarzenegger with his housekeeper was born less than a week after Maria Shriver gave birth to another Schwarzenegger son, according to birth records obtained Wednesday by CNN.

The New York Times, citing two friends of the family, reported the mother was Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked for two decades as housekeeper for the Schwarzenegger family.

The former California governor acknowledged Tuesday he was the father of a child “over a decade ago,” but he did not identify the mother.

So.. Obviously, he was tagging up on both of them at the same time…. I’mma let Robbie Nevil handle this one:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGtf9QfITQw

The ‘problem’ I have with the situation is that that’s a sucker move, telling a chick you’re exclusive with her to get her to lay down. That’s like one step above paying a prostitute. That’s not sporting. :/

I mean.. How do you feel about yourself when you spend all this time and energy, attaining a position of power, and then you can’t do what you actually want to do with your life? o_O

What’s the point of attaining anything in life at all? If you want to bang the housekeeper, bang the ******* housekeeper. I don’t see what the problem is.

You bought like a Porsche or a yacht or a mansion because you felt like it, right? How come you have to sneak behind your woman’s back and hook up with the hired help?

Nice Life.

Discretion

If a chick doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut about the fact that y’all are hooking up, she’s either worthless or a liability. Neither one is good.

One of the benefits to hooking up with the hired help is that she’s already on the payroll.

You’re already paying her to do things for you, so all you have to do is extend her job description.

You’re also already paying her to keep her mouth shut. You don’t want her blabbing to the tabloids about what goes on in your house when she’s mopping the ******* floor, so discretion is pretty much built-in if you decide to start screwing her.

This is one of the reasons people like Charlie Sheen specialize in hookers. If you hook up with random groupies, they’re going to have your business all over Facebook before you wake up the next morning.

That’s one of the differences between celebrities and regular dudes. If you’re a regular dude, chicks deny giving you some to their very last breath on this Earth. If you’re a celebrity, they’re bragging to their friends about whose **** they just ****** as soon as they can wash their hands and pick up their Blackberry or iPhone.

The hired help isn’t going to do this to you because she wants to keep getting paid. She knows she’s living lovely. She also knows that she would have hooked up with you for free, anyway… Like, if you would have met her in a club and pressed up on her, she would have been like “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(“.

Invisibility

If you’ve decided to go the sucker route of promising an exclusive relationship to a chick and then continuing your single lifestyle as if whatever’s clever, you most definitely need to *NOT* be seen with the chick(s) you’re hooking up with.

Even the most inept cheaters COUGHtigerwoodsCOUGH know not to be seen chillin’ in public with ‘extra’ chicks.

This is why the hired help is useful for sex. You have legitimate excuses for being alone with them.

Your wife goes on a trip? hehe SOMEBODY’S got to take care of the kids, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be YOU. >:D .. A few PlayStations and Xboxes scattered around the house, and the maid’s all yours for as long as you can tap that.

If you happen to be seen with her in public, like, at Wal-Mart or something, nobody can say **** to you, because everybody knows she’s your housekeeper.

Relativity

It also kind of helps if the chick is busted compared to your wife.

^^^ What she looked like around the time Arnold got her pregnant ^^^

This is the move, because even if someone tries to imply that you’re hooking up with her, the peanut gallery’s going to shout them down, saying “Look at his wife, and then look at her… There’s NO WAY he’s tappin’ that, sunn. :/”

This same type of bias is the reason that there are no Asians on television and why you never see a story about someone busted getting killed on Dateline.

It’s always “How could this happen to the cute, pretty, beautiful whomever? :O” as if ******-up stuff never happens to unattractive people.

So.. Yeah.. If you’re going to hire a maid, make sure she has the type of body that turns you on, but her grill is sort of irregular, and you’ll slide right under the radar every time.

STD Issues

Another problem with hooking up with groupies is that… well… they’re groupies. \o/

That means that you and whomever else they’re jocking right now can get some.

That means that whatever they just caught, they can pass on to you quick fast in a hurry, Flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

Arnold went for the double fail-safe by boning a chick that was already married.

Married chicks, for the most part, aren’t out on the dating scene, so all you really have to worry about is if her husband is cheating on her, passing HER something that she passes YOU that you pass YOUR WIFE and then you get busted for cheating 14 years ago instead of recently.

On top of that, married dudes tend to get lazy and not sex their wives properly, so she’s easy pickin’s.

So, it’s really the best situation, evAr. The chick works for you, she’s sweating you, you’re already paying her, she’s down to give you some, she’s not dating anybody, she’s proven she can keep your business out tha street… on top of all that, she knows that if she acts like she’s clean and she’s not, she gets fired, so she has even more incentive to tell you the truth about that.

You’re still a ******* IDIOT for hittin’ it without a condom, but at least married chicks that work for you are pretty much the best deal you’re going to get.

Flexibility

I’ve never been married, because I’ve never met an attractive female Billionaire that was any good at SOCOM:

However.. There are a lot of situations where once a gal gets married to a dude, she feels like, er.. she doesn’t have to be that Hawt Chick for him anymore.

This is a blatant error, ladies. :D If you think your husband got married to you so he could feel LESS turned on than when he was dating you and/or engaged to you, you’re wrong.

There’s a very good reason why strip clubs, whorehouses and porno will never go out of style.

Never.

So, if you go that route, and the hired help is still trying to be that Hawt Chick for your man, you “might could” get cheated on.

Granted… This probably doesn’t have anything to do with Arnold’s situation, because a) his wife always looked better than the housekeeper, and b) the kids popped out less than a week apart from each other, so he was obviously still enjoying hooking up with his wife while he was banging the hired help without a condom.

Still.. The fact remains that while the hired help may not have graduated from MIT http://alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack/, or, actually, any college at all.. Your husband might hit it if she’s willing to “drop it like it’s hot”, and you aren’t.

Gettin’ It In

Ultimately, the problem here is what I’ve always said the problem is.

Since guys know what the game is, they’re willing to fake it to get chicks to do what we want them to do.

You want to be my girlfriend? fine.. My fiancee? fine.. My wife? fine… And then I’m going to continue doing whatever the **** I feel like doing until you get hip to the game, which may be never.

What happens if you find out?.. Nothing. \o/ .. You bounce, and then I can spend even more time with my other girlfriends… Peace in the Middle East… Don’t let the doorknob hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

Unfortunately, people will continue to be amazed and surprised that some dude was screwing other chicks when he claimed he wasn’t.

There are some guys that are only physically attracted to one woman.

There are other guys that will hook up with any gal that turns them on.

If you’re suspicious, leave your sound-activated baby monitor video camera in the laundry room, or wherever you suspect your man’s gettin’ it in with the maid.

Also, make sure you check his glove compartment and fishing tackle box for condoms… Although we found out from Arnold that your man might not be using them with the next chick anyway.
–
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A homegirl of mine was just victimized by the most egregious case of online dating false advertising I’ve ever heard of! :D .. WOW!.. I mean, it was horrific. Some people ought to be absolutely ashamed and embarrassed about how they present themselves online vs. how they actually are in real life (IRL).

You Can’t Handle The Truth!

I already talked about this back in 2008, in “It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)”, in response to this comment on BlogHer:

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.
For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

Briefly.. I explained that guys know damned well that they’re not 6 feet tall, but they also know they might not get a date if they admit that they’re 5’9″, so it’s better for them to lie to you to get you to show up for the date and then see what they can do. >:D

A bit of truth-stretching is the norm on the dating scene, but it’s entirely unethical to go overboard with it.

Bait & Switch

Back in the day, I met this chick online and we were “friends” for several years… Let’s say 3 years (I don’t remember how long at this point). The entire time, I had been receiving up-to-date pictures from her of how she looked. At this 3-year mark, she created a new account on a new social networking site.

When I went to check out her account, her profile pic was the EXACT. SAME. PIC. that I first saw of her several years before. I knew damned well that she didn’t look like that anymore, so I asked her why she used that for her avatar. Her response was that that was the picture where she liked how she looked the best…

I was like “Yeah, but you don’t look like that NOW!”, which made no difference to her. It was in her best interest to show the better-looking pictures and get more guys interested and “cross that bridge when she gets to it” about how she currently looked.

The Fellaz

This is basically what recently happened to my homegirl.. She got duped with some ancient pictures of a dude, and when he arrived for the date, he looked more like the Crypt Keeper than Donnie Wahlberg.

 
 
 
 
 
<= Crypt Keeper.. Not Donnie. :/

SRSLY.. :/ If you look like the Crypt Keeper, fess up! :D

What do you think is going to happen when the chick finally sees you in person? You think she’s going to forget what your pictures looked like?

It’s one thing if you’re 5’11″ and you said you were 6’2″. That’s a lie you can potentially recover from. If you’re BUSTED and you told her that you’re not?… You’re pretty much finished before you get started.

If you said you were rich, you can pretty much get over on that until you tag up one time or maybe twice, but after that, if you can’t produce that yacht that you claimed was moored out in Sag Harbor, your rap is basically toast.

If you claimed you were gonna rock her body to the break-day-light and then you turned out to be a two-minute-brotha.. you’re done!

The Ladies

While tha fellaz need to keep it real, y’all ladies need to stop trying to get over as well… Nobody’s being fooled by those close-cropped pictures that only show your head and perhaps your neck. :D

Until a guy sees a full-body picture of you, he’s not believing the hype. If all you want to show is your grill, it’ll be assumed that the rest of you isn’t worth seeing, or in fact, would be detrimental to your rap.

You really don’t want a guy to figure out what physical condition you’re in when he sees you approaching the table on the night of the date. :) If he doesn’t like how you look, you might get some weird-ass reactions from him, which could create a very uncomfortable / awkward situation for you, in public, no less.

In fact.. If the guy knows what he’s doing, he’ll tell you to meet him at the restaurant and then post up across the street so he can see you arrive. If he doesn’t like what he’s looking at, he’ll just bounce and remove you from his friends list on the online dating site.

OTOH.. If you happen to be FOYINE, it’s in your best interest to make sure that guys know this when they browse your pictures.

I know y’all are always crying about “WAAAAH, WAAAAAH I want him to love me for ME! :( WAAAAAAAH!!!”, but “You” isn’t just your mind.. It’s your body too. If he’s not physically attracted to you, you’re not going to get the chance to tell him what’s on your mind.

Will you get a lot of messages you don’t want, from guys that just want to hit it & quit it? Sure… It’s your job to sift through your potential suitors to find that needle in the haystack that you want to spend time with as much as he wants to spend time with you. It’s better to have too many guys kickin’ it to you than too few! o_O

Keep It Real

Ultimately, the thing is this… If you cheat people on your profile, eventually, you’re going to have to pay the piper.

If you’re not in shape, that’s going to be obvious.

If you’re not as smart as you said you were, that’s going to be obvious.

If you suck at playing guitar when you said you were in a band, that’s going to be obvious.

I realize that some people are desperate to achieve even the shortest amount of physical contact with another human being, so tricking them into meeting you for a date is the move for you. I think everybody else needs to be aware that people do this and realize that online dating isn’t WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get).

My personal advice is that you should meet, kick it with and date people your friends already know. Checks & Balances is the name of the game.

There are too many people connected to too many people in the year 2010 for people to have to seek dates outside of their currently cultivated social sphere.

Hop on Facebook or MySpace or wherever you socialize with other people and let them know you’re interested in meeting someone to spend time with, kick it about philosophy with or get your FREAK ON with and let them suggest people that they think might be a match for you and that they can vouch for as cool people.

Other than that, you’re going to have to take your chances, whether you’re on the giving or receiving side of online dating false advertising.

On the giving side.. If you’re looking for a LTR, it’s in your best interest to lay your cards on the table from the giddyap. If you’re just trying to sneak in the door and hope you get to hook up before your date becomes sober, you might very well get over, so good luck with that! :D

On the receiving side, recognize that people are going to try to dupe you as often as possible and get over as much as possible. They might not look the way you think they look or think the way you think they think when you meet them in person. It’s all in the game! >:D

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Men cheat on women they’re in relationships with because their desire to enjoy their lives is greater than their interest in upholding their word to you. There are lots of other reasons, but let’s start with that one. It’s really very simple. The same way he told you he was going to take out the garbage and then DIDN’T, he told you he was only hooking up with *you* and he ISN’T.

That would be known as a lie. Lies are often told to get people to do something.. In your case, lay down and spread your legs. He knows you’re not going to do that (or at least you’re going to make a big deal about it) if he tells you he’s tappin’ other chicks, so he lies, you give it up, and all is right with the world. :D

This leads to the question “How could he lie to me? :O”. Because it’s effective. It works. It’s the same reason that people cross the street when the sign says “don’t walk”. They get where they were going faster.

So, reason #1 why men cheat is.. They felt like it. \o/

Sexual Pressure

This one’s more of an excuse than anything else, but I still need to bring it up. Women are drugs. Asking a guy why he ****** that chick is like asking a drug addict why he smoked whatever he smoked. It’s what occurs to you to do. It’s like when you walk up to a door, you elect to open it instead of walking through the glass.. it just OCCURS TO YOU to open the door. Same thing with chicks. If she’s hawt, it just naturally occurs to you to **** her. :D

To be clear, this is quite different from the much heralded and lately overused “I’m A Sex Addict” excuse. I’m not saying that guys can’t control themselves. I’m saying the desire is automatic.

Lots of guys claim they’re going to be faithful to their girlfriends or wives while they’re in a state of no other women throwing sex at them. It’s very easy to claim you’re not going to do something that you have no opportunity to do anyway. I can say I’m not going to climb The Great Wall of China because I’m not in China. However, if I were standing right next to the wall with the proper equipment, hehehe >:D

So a lot of guys get caught out there when women press up on them because they’re not used to the rush. They’re not used to the concept “I could actually have sex with this woman right here”, and in some cases, it’s just too much for them to pass up.

Yes, I know that’s a sign of weakness and not upholding their word, etc. I agree with that entirely. I’m just saying that there are SOME times where guys legitimately expected and fully intended to be faithful to their women and just plain FAILED in the face of real opportunity. I’m not saying they should be excused for their behavior, just mentioning a possibility.

“Strange”

There’s also the concept of “Strange”, which is short for “Strange *****”, which basically means a female you haven’t had sex with yet.

A lot of guys will hook up with a gal just because it’s going to be a DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE from his regular chick. Her body is different. Her movements are different. The way she sounds is different. Her motivations are different. What she’s willing to do is different…

Sometimes, guys cheat just to see how it is.. Try something different for a change. Actually, sometimes, this works to his girlfriend’s benefit because he has such a wack experience that he realizes how good he has it at home and reapplies his focus to his woman! :D

Breach of Contract (Looks)

This is partially the guy’s fault for downplaying the importance of his physical attraction to his woman in describing the reasons he decided to “Wife her up”, but attractiveness & access are built in parameters to romantic relationships. The reason he chose you is that you were more attractive than other women he met, or perhaps that you were LESS attractive, yet way less of a PITA (Pain In The Ass). Either way, at the time he kicked it to you, you were above a certain threshold of attractiveness according to his personal tastes.

Therefore, you may be found to be in Breach of Contract should your physical appearance change dramatically. If you were slim when he met you and then you cold lamped on the couch with the bon bons and the remote control until you put on 30-40 pounds, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore.

Same thing in the other direction. If he completely enjoyed the fact that you have more bounce to the ounce and then you decide to starve yourself so you can look like the stick-figure mannequins they put on fashion show runways to emulate walking coat hangers, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore.

If he liked your long, flowing dark hair and you cut it and dye it blonde, he just might not be interested in hooking up with you anymore. You don’t have to like it or even believe it. It’s just a potential fact. Apply some basic logic.. Guys don’t like hooking up with chicks that don’t turn them on when they’re SINGLE!.. Why in the hell would they want to do that when they’re in a relationship? O_o

Breach of Contract (Action)

Similarly.. If he still *IS* attracted to you and you decide to stop hooking up with him for whatever reason(s) you have, that’s tantamount to Breach of Contract as well. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t claim exclusive domain over a guy’s sexual satisfaction and then not give it up. hahaha Sorry. It doesn’t work like that. :D

Is it your *RIGHT* not to hook up with him? Absolutely!.. Unequivocally! :D … And then right after that, your man’s going to figure out how he’s going to get laid since you abdicated your position. If you’re not getting under the desk with the cigar, some other chick will.. Capisce? haha YA FEEL ME? :D

Power / Ego

Lots of times, guys cheat in order to prove to themselves that they can.. that they’ve still “got it”. If he’s a Hunter, for instance, he’s not going to be satisfied with resting on his laurels and relying on old-ass memories of Glory Days in way-past history to validate who he is today by recalling who he used to be.

So you pulled one chick 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or last year or last month or last week or yesterday, who cares? That was then and this is now. What can you do TODAY? >:D Can you still pull chicks with your looks, style, charisma, gift of gab, gimmicks, lies, authentic interactions, whatever? Who are you NOW? Can you still make it happen?

This is probably one of the more unfortunate reasons because it has nothing to do with whether his current relationship is satisfying or even stellar. It just has to do with his desire to prove something to himself that hooking up with his woman AGAIN isn’t going to validate for him.

Belief System

There are some people, myself included, that just don’t believe in traditional relationships at all. I believe in real relationships. There are people that I’m down for and people that are down for me and we demonstrate that towards each other with our actions throughout history. There’s a gal I’ve never officially dated, but we’ve been together for ~14 years now. She’s met some of my girlfriends, I’ve met some of her boyfriends. If you ask the drones, I have no relationship to her at all because we’ve never declared ourselves “an item”. Meanwhile, my relationship to her is one of the most realistic that I’ve had in my life and probably will EVER have in my life. She does her thing, I do my thing and when we come together, that’s how the day went.

Unfortunately, guys find out rather quickly that if they want an actual girlfriend, they’re going to have to verbally commit to her, truthfully or otherwise. It’s like how when you go to court, they have you swear on The Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.. but what if you’re an Atheist? O_o They’re accepting your oath about something you don’t believe in in the first place.

So there are some guys that don’t believe that their girlfriends or wives don’t have any say over what he does with his personal life and promising her fidelity is completely meaningless. It’s just something she has to hear in order to get down with the program.

Revenge

Even though I think it’s extremely corny, I’m sure there are lots of times that guys hook up with other chicks in order to “get back” at their girlfriends or make them feel poorly. An argument jumps off or he feels disrespected in some way and he decides that he’s gonna “show HER!” by acting out and doing something he knows she’s not going to like.

Of course, this could lead to a spiral of revenge where she gets him back for getting her back and then he gets her back for getting him back ad nauseam. If that’s the case, you’re probably better off just breaking up with each other and saving yourselves and your friends that have to hear about and get dragged in to the drama from the misery.

Attitude

Believe it or not, there are guys that are turned off to having sex with a chick because she’s a JERK! :D

It’s kind of funny how women seem to believe that they can dump all kinds of negativity on a guy and he’s still going to be interested in hooking up with her like he was when everything was fun between them. Meanwhile, that’s why he hits the bar for two hours after work before coming home to you. First of all, so he can avoid you for two hours.. Second, so he can have pleasant company between being at work and being at home, and Third, so he can be drunk by the time you start running your mouth about nothing important.

Some guys end up cheating because they just simply have a nicer relationship to other women than their girlfriends/wives. It’s like “This side-female is doing for me and making my life wonderful while my main chick nags and gets on my nerves every chance she gets.. Why am I doing more for a troublemaker than someone who’s on the same page with me?”.

Again, this is partially *HIS* fault for not telling his woman to shape the **** up and stop being such a pest. It’s also his fault for not screening her properly before selecting her for a long term relationship. He would have known she had a crabby demeanor if he had been talking and LISTENING to her when they went out on dates instead of ignoring her babbling and hooking up with her until she accidentally got pregnant and he got stuck. \o/

Peer Pressure

When guys are hangin’ out “gettin’ girls”, there’s a lot of peer pressure for everyone to participate. It’s actually like a little side-game to see if guys that swear up and down that they’re not interested in women other than their girlfriends change their minds in the flow of the evening.

This is another unfortunate reason, because, again, it has nothing to do with satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the current relationship. A lot of guys get caught up in this, especially when alcohol is involved, and they wake up regretting it or not being able to look their woman in the eye or feeling like they need to fess up and let her know what they did behind her back. On top of that, they don’t even have a good excuse.. Not that ANY excuse for infidelity is “good”, but “I don’t know… It just happened. \o/” is entirely horrific. :D

The other problem with this is that some dudes just don’t want to see other dudes happy so they try to get them to hook up on purpose, specifically so they can get busted and their relationships might end. :/

It’s just sex \o/

Most of the time that you hear about guys cheating, they’re admitting that they got busted. Normally, they don’t get busted QUICKLY after they start cheating. You hear stuff like “I’ve been hooking up with a least 14 chicks that you know of for the last three years”. “I’ve been hooking up with some horrific-looking tattoo female for 11 months”. “I spent $4,000 on hookers”. “I skated to South America on the sneaks to spend time with The Love Of My Life”.

None of this stuff is new. This means that for a year or more, all of these women enjoyed perfectly normal relationships to their men while these guys were getting their side action. That’s because that’s what it is. Action. Recreation. Something to do. These guys didn’t tell their wives they wanted a divorce. They fully expected to continue having their cake and eating it too.

Clearly, as far as they were concerned, fidelity or monogamy had nothing to do with their marriages. They knew who they wanted to have sex with and they knew who they wanted to come home to.

The obvious exception to this is the “Love Of My Life” Governor-dude, because if he was so in love, how come he didn’t just divorce his wife and spend his days in South America with the woman he really cares about? O_o

Anyway.. A lot of guys cheat because it “Don’t Mean Nuthin’ \o/”. They can do it, enjoy their lives and get away clean with it without their wives finding out. Of course, it’s a gamble because if their wives DO find out, they could lose the Kids, the Cash and the Crib! :D

Biology & Statistics

There have to be another thousand reasons why guys cheat that I haven’t mentioned in this post. In fact.. I’m sure there are more reasons why guys DO cheat than there are reasons why they DON’T. If you can think of any, post your favorites in the comment section, below.

Some people like to roll with the biology excuse. I’ve brought it up myself to explain why monogamy isn’t natural, but I don’t believe it usually applies to this particular topic. I don’t know anybody that has sex with the actual INTENTION of having kids. It’s usually like “Whoops! \o/”.

Even though it’s true that having children with different women increases your offspring’s chances for viability in the next generation due to differing genetic combinations, I REEEEEEALLY don’t think that’s what anybody’s thinking when they decide to screw some chick other than their girlfriend or wife. It’s about fun, sensuality, recreation, variety, enjoying the day.. Lots of things.

The only way around this, IMO, is for women to get involved with men that are looking for one girlfriend to begin with. Good Luck with that because there are so many women that are ready and willing to sell out at the drop of a hat that guys looking for long term relationships tend to go off the market relatively quickly, if not instantly.

I’m not saying that all guys cheat, but the infidelity statistics for relationships (men and women combined) has hovered around 50% for the longest. That’s 1 out of every 2 people that cheats at some point during their relationship. IMO, all you can do is put your best foot forward, bring your A-Game to the table, spend a good amount of time getting to know what your Significant Other thinks and feels, and hope for the best.

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• Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys

Let me tell you how Social Media works…

There are two layers. There’s the online layer and then the offline layer.

The online layer is where we all say whatever we want about ourselves and expect people to take our word for it. The offline layer is where you have to PUT UP OR SHUT UP. You’re either the same person IRL (In Real Life) that you claim to be online or you’re not.

If you ARE the same person, your “Cred” (credit, props, believability) increases. Street Cred, Social Cred.. Whatever Cred you built online, your reputation will become infinitely more valid if you walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.

If you ARE NOT the same person, your Cred will DISAPPEAR. Beleedat. Gone! :D Nobody’s going to believe anything you have to say after your IRL presentation disproves who you made yourself out to be online.

Who Are You, Really?

It’s now the year 2010. Everybody that you know has their own online networks. Everybody that you know has an opinion about you, good, bad or neutral. Everybody that you know has EXPRESSED THAT OPINION about you to their friends. Being that we tend to all have the same friends in this space, all you need is for the word to come around from several people before the rumors about you are accepted as proven fact.

For example.. The other night, I was hanging out with Halley, Rahul, Kripa & Tarun for St. Patrick’s day (which was an EVENT on its own, but we won’t get into that, haha).

During the evening, my blog came up in conversation. I’m always caught off guard when someone mentions that they read the messages in bottles that I float out onto the internet.

I’m not exactly surprised, being that I’ve averaged 264 “uniques” per day for the last full year (An “unique” being a visit to a website from a distinct IP address, most likely indicating that a different person came to the site for each address so you can gauge how many people are accessing your content), but being that there’s no telling who’s reading if they don’t leave a comment, I have to assume that everybody I know or NOBODY I KNOW is reading this. :D

The point is that everyone I spent time with last night got a decent idea of what it’s like to hang out with me, albeit under overly-loud, overly-crowded circumstances due to St. Patty’s. The time we’ve spent together IRL is going to flavor their experience if they read something I write. The online and offline are going to be weighed against each other and my authenticity will be determined by each individual.

What happens after that is that information hits the back-channel.

As much interaction as we have in public on the internet, much more goes on behind the scenes. Back-Channel information is also considered more authentic because people are free to say what they really think without fear of public backlash. That guy Bill is an alcoholic. That guy Bill is a womanizer. That guy Bill wouldn’t hesitate to punch you in your face. That guy Bill is a gentleman. That guy Bill won’t ever leave you laying around drunk in a pile of garbage at the end of the night…

Whatever it is, people trade stories about you, and if you’re someone like me, who has 413 Facebook Friends in common with Chris and 349 FB Friends in common with Sarah and 347 FB Friends in common with Dina, there is LOTS OF INFORMATION floating around on the back-channel defining how people perceive you and act towards you that you never even find out about. Fortunately for me, I’m an empath, so I can actually FEEL when someone’s acting differently towards me compared to what I’m used to from them. Most people can’t do this, so they’re pretty much oblivious to how their offline shenanigans are affecting their online reputation.

Reputation vs. Reality

Before I get to my point.. Another advantage that I have is that I live in New York City, the center of the universe. :)

Everybody comes here sooner or later.

I’ve hung out with people from Texas, The UK, Hawaii, Japan, California, The Netherlands, Ireland, Israel…

There are A LOT OF PEOPLE that know what it’s like to have a f2f IRL chat with me and I really doubt any of them would give you an extremely different opinion of who I appear to be. That’s because I’m not acting. I’m trying my best to deliver via text what I actually think about or do. Much is lost in translation, but I’m attempting to express “The Real”.

Most people don’t have the same opportunity to meet so many people unless they go to a festival or conference such as South by Southwest® (SXSW®). That means they don’t get much practice at interacting with people IRL that they’ve built relationships with online. I would compare it to going straight to a professional sports playoff situation without having played any of the regular season. There’s a great opportunity for brand advancement and an even greater opportunity for brand destruction.

Your online presence is a virtual representation of yourself, like Second Life or The Sims. Before people meet you, they’re likely to assume that the way you are online is the way you are IRL. There’s no reason not to, because all they know about you is what they’ve read. Once they meet you, they will come away with the impression that you’re outputting authentic content that expresses who you are as a person or that you’re AN ACTOR. If you’re determined to be an actor, your media will be perceived as AN ACT. You’re writing a character, like Don Quixote or Jason Bourne.

Matt Damon isn’t Jason Bourne IRL. When you watch his movies, you don’t go “Man… Matt Damon could kick someone’s ass! :D”. Similarly, if your IRL presentation isn’t congruent with the content you post online, people probably won’t mention it in public blog posts or comments, but on the back-channel, the word spreads rapidly that you’re FULL OF ****! :D Everything you carefully built by typing words online that you never intended to back up in person is going to be undermined when you go to a conference and people meet the real you. Believe me.. It’s too late for trickery. The time for snake oil sales is OVER. Whether people tell you to your face or not, your smoke & mirrors aren’t fooling those of us that actually know what time it is and your reputation for mediocrity, tomfoolery or just plain WACKNESS is getting around.

So here are some tips for those of you that are doing it wrong and undermining your own brand with lameness:

Stop Name-Dropping

If you go to a conference where you’re glad-handing with hundreds of people, stop Twittering about ONLY the ******* CELEBRITIES you met or people who you’re trying to suck up to. If you pose for 80 pictures with “The People” on your camera and then only upload the ones where you’re with stars, YOU SUCK! If every time you post something to Facebook, it’s an advertisement for yourself, your clients, or someone whose **** you’re riding, you look like exactly what you are.. A SHILL, and everybody knows it and nobody likes it.

On top of that, you’re actually doing your clients a disservice. I automatically ignore all media from shills because I know they’re trying to push something. If you think you’re getting your clients exposure by being a walking advertisement, you’re wrong. You’re getting them IGNORED, because they aligned themselves with YOU, and you’ve proven that you don’t give a flying **** about people other than using them for “eyeballs” or “hits”.

I don’t give a damn when your next concert is if the last time I heard from you it was to advertise your previous concert. I don’t give a damn that your client is doing a live stream when the last live stream you produced was STRAIGHT GARBAGE, technically AND content-wise. I don’t give a damn that you were standing next to some bigwig at a party and shouted them out on Twitter when they don’t even mention that you were there at all. If I cared about that, I’d read TMZ, not your lame, obvious, redundant, non-progressive blog or twitter posts.

Pay Attention IRL

If you go to a tweetup, DO NOT spend the entire time on your ******* laptop. :/ Act as if you have a life other than being online or just stay your ass at home. This goes *TRIPLE* if you happen to be the ******* GUEST. OF. HONOR. of the tweetup. If people are showing up to a location to meet *YOU*, make ******* SURE that you spend as much time as humanly possible interacting with them. Handle your online business BEFORE or AFTER the meetup. At least act as if you give a damn about people who pay attention to you that aren’t stars that you can try to get props for by Twittering their names all over creation.

I guarantee you that it’s “The Little People” that have more props on the back-channel than the celebrities do. You know why?… hahaha Because there are MORE LITTLE PEOPLE THAN CELEBRITIES! :D .. Think about that.

When you name-drop about a celebrity, who do you think RTs your post and sends it to Facebook or wherever? Other Celebrities?… Nope!.. It’s The Little People. Meanwhile, what the commoners are SAYING is that you’re a JERK and you’re nothing like you present yourself to be online. The next time you pull the same stunt, the word goes out again, and again and again until people accept rumor as fact that you’re an actor and what you say online is as valid as “Fake Steve Jobs”.

Also.. I’m not saying to pay attention to commoners because it’s good public relations. I’m saying that the respect or disrespect that you show your audience IRL is way more important than writing something on the internet. I met this chick one time that’s very talented and I’m a fan of hers, but when I introduced myself to her, she didn’t even say what her name was. That was lame enough as-is, but she’s a performer. It’s her *JOB* to put her name out in public so people come to her shows and buy her media. I was like “How lame is this chick that she’s not even pubbing herself when a commoner (s far as SHE knows) walks up to her and says ‘Hello’?”. As talented as she is, her IRL presentation SUCKED and I immediately became an un-fan. Not of her media, but way more importantly, of her as a person.

Brand Yourself Consistently

It’s kind of funny to me when people ask me why I have so much Google Juice for Bill and for Cammack. It’s really very simple.

Everything I do has my name on it.

It’s completely astounding to me that these so-called Social Media Experts EPICALLY FAIL at branding themselves consistently, which is probably the MOST BASIC thing they should be doing. Anybody you see branding themselves as BillCammack and TheBillCammack and TheRealBillCammack and BillC and BCammack and BConline and TwitterBill and BlipTVCammack and SocialBill and BillYahoo and YoutuBill IS. A. *******. IDIOT! Dead up, they’re IDIOTS! :D

Select ONE NAME and stick to it. Select ONE AVATAR and stick to it. Select ONE GRAVATAR and stick to it. Don’t make people guess who wrote something or guess how to find you when the next major platform is launched. Make sure you have a Google Profile so your name shows up under a basic Google search, even if you don’t have any props for your actual blog or site.

Stop Padding Your Stats

Originally (and I wasn’t down with Twitter when it first started, but I believe my account is three years old now), the number of people following you on Twitter meant something because there was no reason for people to follow people whose opinions they didn’t care about.

Once it became a status symbol to have more Twitter followers than someone else, people started padding their stats. They way they did this was to follow anybody that wrote anything on the general timeline. We all knew who was doing this because they were pretty much following twice the number of people that were following them, or to put it another way, for every two RANDOM PEOPLE that they followed, one person was following them back.

This is how some people got high numbers of Twitter followers and came to be regarded as influential when they really aren’t. The evidence of this is when they do a call to action and their tens of thousands of “followers” only yield fewer than 100 visitors to their live stream or fewer than 10 comments on their blog post.

What these people didn’t count on was that they would eventually be judged by PASSIONATE followers instead of RANDOM followers. They didn’t expect that Twitter was going to create lists based on relevance to a particular industry or topic. They didn’t realize that adding a bunch of randoms was going to make them look like what they were… People thad added a bunch of people JUST to entice those people to add them back.

Eventually, Twitter caught on to this and shuttered that behavior. Unfortunately, the next big thing was the Twitter Suggested User List (SUL), which lots of people rode to fame and glory, ending up with hundreds of thousands if not millions of followers because everyone who created a new account after that was offered to auto-follow everyone on that list with the click of one button.

The reason y’all need to stop this is because you look dumber instead of smarter having all these “followers” that you can’t convert into anything useful for yourself or your clients. You would be way better off building relationships online or offline with people and adding them because you actually want to hear what they have to say and because you feel that their opinions are valuable to you.

Having said that.. There are lots of people with high follower counts who DIDN’T pad their stats and instead followed BACK everyone that already followed them. Again, these people were obvious because their follower/following ratio remained 1:1 while you could watch the padders stay WAAAAAAAY ahead of their followER count with their followING count while they were building their “community”.

Put Up or Shut Up

It’s not impressive to be able to utilize new technology. It’s impressive to utilize new technology WELL. Nobody cares if you can broadcast via Ustream or Qix live from your smartphone if you’re a boring person and the place you happen to be is as boring as you are. The ROI to your client isn’t in knowing that they CAN use new technology but rather in finding out WHEN and HOW they should use it. The more you upload GARBAGE to your YouTube, Ustream, Vimeo, & Blip accounts, the more clueless you make yourself look.

On top of that, you’re not providing actual ROI to your clients. You’re providing them something to go OOH and AAH about so that they waste their money hiring you to do NOTHING for them because you SUCK at Social Media. Instead of merely showing them that the tools exist, show them what they can do with the tools, why they should use them and when and how they SHOULDN’T use them. Show them with concrete examples of your skillz, which should exist somewhere on your site being that you’re a Social Media Expert, right?

If you’re offering web design services to your clients, your websites had BETTER be pretty good-looking, right? O_o If you’re offering video editing services, you should have examples of videos that you’ve edited, right? If you’re supposed to be on-air-talent, you should have samples of shows that you were on, right?

Trust & Believe that you’re not slick. You’re not fooling anybody that actually knows about Social Media with your lack of content to back up your lofty claims. You’re not fooling anybody with your lack of original ideas, regurgitation, retweets, name-dropping and overall poor emulation of a Social Media Guru.

The way this industry works is that people smile in your face and then talk behind your back. What they’re saying behind your back is their honest impression of you. If your IRL presentation is the same as who you claim to be online, you’re golden. If it isn’t congruent, one of these days (or many of these days) you’re going to miss out on a major opportunity because the person you have the opportunity to pitch to TODAY already heard about your incompetence and/or treachery on the back-channel YESTERDAY.

My suggestion is that you stick to what you actually do well and leave the rest of Social Media to the professionals. If you’re not savvy enough to figure out what you don’t do well enough to charge clients for and guarantee a generous ROI, hire an ACTUAL Social Media Expert to tell you who you are and who you aren’t.

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“Men Are Dogs!!!!!” is the battle cry of so many women that are incredulous about the fact that either they or their girlfriend just got cheated on. I’m sure this seems like an empowering statement to them, except they’re actually providing the excuse for guys to continue this behavior and get away with it scot-free every time.

First of all, if men are supposed to be these primitive characters that can’t control basic biological urges, what do YOU look like following THEM? :D You’re following HIM!!! You’re worried about what HE’S DOING with his own life and his own body. What does that say about you that you hooked up with some caveman that’s liable to screw any chick at any time?

I know it feels better to believe that that’s what happened. It’s a boost to the self-esteem to believe that your man tried his damnedest to be faithful to you and FAILED MISERABLY, SEVERAL TIMES OVER THE LAST MONTH! It feels better to see him as a loser, a clown and a failure than to admit to the fact that he did what he wanted to do and went and got laid behind your back (or, in front of your face, in some circumstances).

This is because if he did it on purpose, you’re going to perceive YOURSELF as a loser for not being able to control another human being or you’re going to have to levy repercussions against him for going against his word to you. Those repercussions might mean the end of your relationship, and since you’re not willing to walk away, that’s not an option. So, since you’re not going anywhere, it’s best for you, mentally, to slap five with your homegirls and talk about how your man is a dog and couldn’t control himself and laugh about it over drinks before you go back home and give him some.

We have the same thing for women, except y’all are suckers for love, not physical interaction. That’s why R&B music works on women. Y’all want to believe that this junk the guy’s singing about on the radio is actually happening TO YOU, so you get in line and have your fantasies about what’s happening while the guy’s like “ahhhhh… Finally! It’s about time she gave it up!” … “Thanks, Johnny Gill! :D”.. So, yeah, hahaha While y’all are laughing about how guys “can’t control themselves” and “have to” try to screw other women, we’re laughing about how we said “I love you” one time and your drawers automatically detached themselves from your body and fell to the Earth, somewhere in the vicinity of your ankles.

~Bill | @BillCammack

Related Posts

• Why Men Cheat
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