This season’s premiere episode of Jersey Shore was only interesting for one reason.. MTV decided to surprise the cast by bringing the people they care about together for a surprise party.

That would have been all well & good, except for Nicole’s various sexual hookups with guys and girls that were invited to the same party. :D

Witnesses For The Prosecution

As I’ve previously stated, over the last couple of seasons, Nicole has hooked up with housemates Mike, Vinny, and Deena. The latest episodes between her and Vinny and her and Deena occurred while she was in Italy last season, which means it was during the time she was dating her current (according to the timeline of the released episodes) boyfriend. This is all on videotape. :D There’s no denying any of that.

What ISN’T on videotape is that Mike said Nicole blew him recently, which was also after the time that Nicole had claimed to her boyfriend that she was sexually committed to him… Well.. Mike’s SAYING IT is on tape.. The actual activity is not on tape, which led Nicole to initially attempt to deny it, rather unsuccessfully.

This is what made this surprise reunion interesting. There are only two eye-witnesses to Nicole blowing Mike. That would be Mike’s homeboy and Nicole’s homegirl, who were hooking up with each other at the time that Nicole did her thing with Mike.

Unfortunately for Nicole, both of these witnesses were invited to the party, so she was now outnumbered 3-1, as far as people who were going to claim that she never blew Mike.

I say this because Mike’s boy was DYING to tell what he knew, and Nicole’s girl was shutting the **** up. :D .. Had there been any question, or, rather, had it actually been a lie that Nicole did what Mike said she did, Nicole would have felt brave, because she had one more person to tell the truth for her, and Mike had one more person to lie for him, and the truth would have easily won out, or at least, there would have been sufficient reasonable doubt to have people remain undecided about what actually happened.

At first, it seemed like Nicole was up for the confrontation, because she was talking all kinds of yang to Mike’s friend that has the information on her.. However, in a previous episode, she had been talking all kinds of yang to ACTUAL POLICEMEN that were escorting her drunk ass off the boardwalk to a waiting police car, so we know she completely loses her mind when she drinks.

The most telling aspect of this situation is that the next day, when Nicole was sober, Mike stepped to her and told her she should apologize to his boy for saying mean things about him…. She actually did it.

She did it because she knew she had to do it or else dude was going to spill the beans, and a) her homegirl wasn’t going to back her “I didn’t do it” play, and b) she was the only person with something to lose in that situation, because her boyfriend was the only one that didn’t know the story.

Situational Amnesia

Another interesting aspect of that party was that as much as Nicole’s boyfriend DOESN’T know about Nicole’s various sexual escapades, there’s one thing that he knew for sure, since Nicole admitted it to him. He knew damned well that Vinny had ****** his girl. :D

We know he knows, because after Nicole tells him over the phone she hooked up with Vinny (and this was edited, so who knows how the actual conversation actually happened), her boyfriend replied “Tell Vinny he’s dead!”

I understand that that was an emotional reaction. I imagine that guys are going to feel upset and temporarily irrational when their girlfriend calls them up and informs them that within the 48 hours (probably 24 hours) that she had an argument with him, she spread her legs for the next man.

I understand that he didn’t mean dead dead.. He meant to say “I’m really upset with Vinny for ******* you”. In fact, it’s not Vinny’s problem. Dude should only be upset with his girl for giving up the ass, because he had a deal with HER, and not Vinny.

The funny part about all this is that Vinny had been ******* Nicole way way way before she even met this dude she’s dating now, so he really has nothing to be upset about. He started dating a girl that was already consistently ******* some other guy. It’s too bad for him that she didn’t say that. It’s too bad for him that she didn’t tell him that as soon as she gets drunk/horny, she throws sex at just about anything that moves.

Don’t get mad at the next man because he accepts the easy sex from “your” girl. Tighten your game up, playah. >:D

Anyway… This was very interesting, because the boyfriend ends up in the same room with the guy that ****** his girl.. The same guy that he claimed was “dead” (meaning he was upset with him), and according to MTV’s edit, he never had AAAAAAAAAANY kind of conversation with Vinny. o_O

Apparently, there was no escalation of the beef, no squashing of the beef, and no discussion of the beef, whatsoever.

Nothing. \o/

Dude seemed to have completely forgotten, or completely gotten over the fact that Vinny had rather recently dicked his girlfriend down.

I mean, it was like nothing had ever happened. Dude was all lovey-dovey to Nicole, kissing on her and asking her if she was feeling ok..

Seriously, fellaz.. If you know damned well that you’re going to develop amnesia after your girl steps to the left and gets some from the next man, skip making a major scene about it on the telephone, in person, or EVER, in fact.

Just don’t bring it up. Let it slide. Recognize that you’re the type of guy that’s going to stay with your girl regardless of how many other guys are screwing her.

There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s ok. You don’t have to act like you care so that people think you’re normal.

Take it like any other information. “How was your night?… oh.. You drank until you fell down for no apparent reason, because you were standing still when you buss your ass? o_O .. oh.. You made out with some chick you just met at the bar? o_O .. oh.. You hopped in bed with your male roommate and gave him a Happy Ending because you and I had an argument several hours before that? o_O .. Glad you had fun, dear. Talk to you tomorrow.”
–
Follow Bill via Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men
• The Dog Stays.. You Go.
• How To Deny Allegations
• “Moral Failing” In Relationships
• Single.. But Not Really

Oh, Life..
Is bigger..
It’s bigger than you.
And you are not me.
~ R.E.M.

YouTube Link=> youtu.be/xwtdhWltSIg

Back in the day, when I used to play the relationship game, I had a few girlfriends..

simultaneously..

I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It’s easy to have multiple girlfriends by not giving them what they want.

Females have this strange ability to really, really, REALLY want to physically hook up with you, but to find mentally-based excuses to withhold things from you that you never asked them for.. like fidelity.

Guys aren’t like that. When we’re sexually attracted to a woman, it propels us FORWARD in the relationship, not BACKWARD. The more a gal likes you, the more mental roadblocks she throws in her own way, blocking herself from purely enjoying her time with you because she’s so busy trying to figure out whether she looks like a slut, or whether she gave it up too soon, or whether she can get you to take her to dinner instead of just going to her house and hittin’ it whenever you get in the mood, and all other kinds of nonsense that guys never think about.

I mean, seriously.. Think about it. :) When was the last time a guy was concerned that he screwed a chick too soon and she had lost “respect” for him? haha Never.

When was the last time a guy was concerned about a gal taking him out to dinner instead of inviting him to her crib and immediately hoppin’ on tha dilznick? hah Never.

Nobody cares about these things. A gal looks good or she doesn’t. You want to hit it or you don’t. She’s down with it or she isn’t. You have a good time with her or you don’t. It’s all very simple, and it’s extremely funny, watching women mentally run all over creation to eventually arrive in the exact same place where you’ve been chillin’, waiting for her to stop bullshitting and act like a grown-ass woman that does what she wants to do when she wants to do it.

So, Anyway.. It’s easy to have multiple girlfriends, because they take themselves out of the game. THEY’RE the ones that are concerned about you committing to them, not the other way around, yet, if you deny them certain things, they get on some “SISTAHS ARE DOIN’ IT FOR THEMSELVES”, Equal Rights tip, and start trying to blackmail you with giving ***** to the next man if you don’t commit to them.

Meanwhile, you have three other chicks that are saying the exact same thing, so you can afford to have one or two or three go offline for a few months, because unless you’re down to ZERO WOMEN, you’re still 100% in the game.

In fact.. The more women that you know that go on strike, the *EASIER* is is for you to have multiple girlfriends, because there’s less maintenance involved. The more they front on you, the more time and energy you have to screw the next chick.

The reason I brought up the multiple-girlfriend scenario wasn’t merely yet another self-aggrandizing post about “The Kid”… I wanted to talk about poachers, schemers, potential cockblockers.

If you only have one girlfriend, obviously, there’s no way that your girlfriendS are going to have overlapping social circles.

As soon as you have two or more, you have to be concerned that any friend of one of them might also be a friend of another one.

If that happens, you have to have your hierarchy set up properly, or else the entire house of cards could crumble. You have to know what the order is.. Which chick you’re willing to lose if she finds out about the other one(s). That’s your only defense against cockblocking.. Preemptively informing the most important women about what’s actually going on.

This is bad enough when it only involves a chain of women. Once guys get involved, it turns into a different situation.

Women just say a bunch of hypothetical nonsense, like “GIRRRRLLLL???… I wouldn’t even STAND for that because BLAH BLAH BLAH” when they know damned well that as long as their boyfriend hits it properly, they STFU and take whatever he gives them.

All that does is cause temporary confusion for the affected girlfriend(s) until you set them straight with logic and they get their minds right.

When guys get involved with this process, it’s different, because the only reason they’re talking to your girlfriends in the first place is that they’re trying to have sex with them.

The way The Game is set up, guys pretend to be friends with women until they can figure out how to get them to spread their legs. It’s during this precarious time that your girlfriends are likely to be influenced by guys that they don’t believe have ulterior motives in cockblocking you. They think the guy is their “friend”, so he’s telling them something that will help them live their lives efficiently. In fact, he’s trying to get them to stop sexually focusing on YOU so they can get their foot in the door, or get their chocolate in her peanut butter, so to speak.

If you have a proper network of friends, and you have the proper relationships to your girlfriends, you’re informed of these insubordination attempts. You hear about who it was that tried to influence your girlfriend, what they said, where it happened, how they know each other, etc.

So it’s funny to hear about how guys attempt to undermine your relationship(s) by gathering information and snitching on you to chicks that they assume don’t know what’s going on. They know the rules of The Game, and they know your girlfriend knows the rules, so they stack up a list of your rules violations and attempt to sink your battleship.

Unfortunately.. That only works against people that were following the rules to begin with. I never followed rules because I don’t have to. I don’t have to promise chicks things to get them to hook up with me. They want to do it or they don’t. If they don’t want to, I can convince them that THEY DO, or I can’t. >:D

I was editing a video yesterday, and this guy’s girlfriend was on the screen, and she’s a model, really cute, etc, but all I was thinking of the entire time was “This is the chick that this guy has promised not to have sex with ANY other females on the planet for? :D”.

It doesn’t make any sense. :) I guess I’m the Ron Paul of relationships. Free Will. Free Agency. I’m not offering you jack-**** in exchange for hooking up with me. Do it if you feel like it. If you don’t, do something else. Nobody cares. We enjoy our time with each other or we don’t.

If that’s how you met chicks from the giddyap, and they finally figured out that you were serious and not just writing controversial ish to increase your blog post readership, your relationship gels and solidifies in a different way from dudes that promise fidelity and then get caught cheating.

Since guys don’t actually know you and can’t possibly fathom the depth of your relationship to your girlfriends (or THEIR girlfriends), they think they can undermine you by informing chicks that you’re dating that you’re dating other chicks.

Being that any chick I’m messing with can KICK ROCKS if she doesn’t enjoy our time together, I’m always amused by hearing about these feeble attempts at peeling my girlfriends.

The ensuing conversation goes essentially like this:

1. Her: Some dude told me XYZ
2. Me: ok.. What are you going to do about it?
3. Her: ….. What do you mean “What am I going to do?”
4. Me: I mean, you’re going to stop messing with me, or what?
5. Her: Well.. No.. But..
6. Me: So why are we talking about this?
7. Her: …………

Basically, Ladies… If your FUNCTIONALITY in a relationship isn’t going to change because of a situation, the situation isn’t worth discussing.

If you’re going to feel differently, or talk differently about me to your friends, or roll your eyes to the left instead of to the right from now on, nobody cares, if it doesn’t functionally affect my relationship to you.

I don’t give a damn what women are doing with the next man while I’m doing my own things that don’t concern them. It’s like DADC.. Don’t Ask, Don’t Care.

So, While these dudes probably succeeded in getting laid a bunch of times with chicks I was currently messing with, they never got what they actually wanted, which was to gain full control over the female.

This is because, at the end of the day, I’m me and they aren’t.

They can offer fidelity all day (they’re probably lying, BTW), but they’re offering faithfulness from an inferior male.

You can’t do what I do, because you have no idea what I do. All you know is what YOU do and what you’ve seen on television and the movies and the information you’ve gleaned from your similarly-unsuccessful homeboys.

You can’t come anywhere near to having the relationship to her that I currently have to her. If I decided to play her and tell her I was exclusive with her, you’d get shut out, immediately. Today. Right this minute. Phone. Email. Text. You’re done.

You can’t do that to me because I’m not playing by the rules.

I know your limitations and you don’t know mine.

If you were me, you’d actually have a chance, but you’re not, so you don’t.

Conversely.. I’m not interested in blocking you from getting what you want from any female you find attractive.

I don’t have time (or interest, frankly) to do all the stuff you’re claiming you’re going to do for her, so take her out on dates, take her on vacations (oh.. I’ll veto it if you try to take one of my chicks to Aruba), buy her clothes and jewelry, give her titles like “girlfriend” and “fiancee”, marry her, have kids with her, do whatever you want to do with her. More power to ya! Good luck with that! :D

Just be aware that so long as she’s still physically attractive, The Kid is still on the case. >:D haha Just because you feel like you got over on me and stole one of my chicks doesn’t mean that’s what actually happened.

She may have been lent to you, or perhaps even rented. o_O

She might never have been “with” me to begin with, but was just spending time with me until someone felt like sweeping her off her feat and subsidizing her lifestyle.

Either way, the only way to remove the next man from the equation is to bring the same thing he’s bringing to the table and then more, which is why I don’t bother.

Women are Free Agents just as much as men are. Once you realize that, you’ll learn to get what you can get from them and let that be that. The concept of locking a chick down or putting her in “deep check” is for amateurs.

All you can do is be the best man you can be for her and offer her as much of what she tells you she wants as you can… What you CAN’T do is be ME, just like I can’t be you.

Stop focusing on *MY* relationship to your girlfriend and concentrate on your own.
–
Follow Bill via Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Asking Women Out On Dates
• He’s Lying To You [The Okey-Doke, Part 02]
• Men Buy Sex
• Who Is Bob?
• Makeup [The Okey-Doke, Part 01]

I was in Brooklyn Friday night. That means that I wasn’t in, say.. Zimbabwe, Africa.

If someone hires Gloria Allred to say “Bill Cammack was in Zimbabwe Friday night! :O”, I’ll probably ignore it completely.

If I elect to speak on it, I’m going to say “No.. In fact, I was not in Zimbabwe Friday night.”, and that’s going to be the end of it.

The truth of the matter is my “defense”. I don’t have to get personal about it.

I don’t have to say “THAT ***** IS A LYING-ASS *****!!! :O” and talk about her finances, her relationship status, or anything else about the accuser.

I don’t have to make elaborate gestures, like producing passports that aren’t stamped “Zimbabwe”.

I don’t have to hire Africans to say that they’ve never seen me in Africa in their entire lives.

I don’t have to do anything, in fact, because I wasn’t *in* Zimbabwe, and for someone to say that I was, it’s a waste of their time.

So, The proper reply to “Bill was in Zimbabwe” is “No, I was not”.

The *IMPROPER* reply to “You were in Zimbabwe” is “You can’t PROVE that I was in Zimbabwe! :O”

Does that make sense?

OBVIOUSLY, there’s no proof that I was in Zimbabwe, because I’ve never been to Africa AT ALL in my entire life.

I’ve barely even watched television shows about Africa.

Why would I bring up the fact that you can’t prove something that I know you can’t prove, because it never happened? o_O

Why would I say “The chick that says I was in Zimbabwe last night is broke and can’t pay her bills”?

Why would I say “The chick that says I was in Zimbabwe last night filed sexual harassment charges at her other job, too”?

Why would I ask a reporter “Have *YOU* ever been accused of being in Zimbabwe? o_O”?

These are things that you say when there’s actually A POSSIBILITY that the story is true.”

So, if you’re going to call a press conference and mention things that people claim you said or did, all you have to do is call them “False Allegations”. If you also call them “Unproven Allegations”, you’re leaving the door open that they MIGHT have been proven, if, say.. there weren’t legally-binding restrictions on the women telling their side of the story to the press, or if you know that the last time you tapped your side-piece’s ass was several months ago and she’s not currently pregnant, so there’s no proof that you ever hit it during your 13-year, extramarital friendship with her.

As a bonus tip.. It doesn’t matter who snitched on you.

If people believe you were in Zimbabwe, accusing a competitor of spreading the rumor isn’t going to make your denial any more credible.

So.. Again.. The way to deny allegations is to deny them.

Just say it isn’t true and keep steppin’.

If you keep yammering about proof and snitches and conspiracies, you appear unnecessarily defensive, which makes you look MORE GUILTY, not less.
–
Follow Bill via Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Appreciate Your Girlfriend
• That’s Your Man’s Problem
• What if she could hear what you’re thinking?
• Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)
• Buying Women

So, check this out! :D haha Some dude hooked up with a maid behind his wife’s back, right…… No.. Not Arnold! :P This other guy, and then all he had to do to get over was label it a “Moral Failing”!!! :D

Check out what the Associated Press says he said:
(mind you.. dude was speaking French, so someone may have jacked up some of his intentions or meanings when they translated it to English, but I’m sure they caught the main gist of what he was saying)

DSK Article – Dominique Strauss-Kahn broke his silence four months after a New York hotel maid accused him of sexual assault, calling his encounter with the woman a “moral failing” he deeply regrets, but insisting in an interview on French television Sunday that no violence was involved.

Is this not the absolutely BEST THING since sliced bread? :D hahaha a “Moral Failing”??? :D .. What The Hell is a Moral Failing???

When you fall down, is that a walking failing? o_O

This is so stupid. :D .. I have to get ahead of the story to tell it properly.. This DSK guy IS. MARRIED => http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2011/08/how-anne-sinclair-spent-night-dsks-arrest/40661/.

If you’re a single guy and you’re drunk and you’re at a club and you happen to hook up with some busted chick because it was dark and you couldn’t see her properly, you can call that a failing.

If you’re a married guy and you hook up with a maid that came to your room to clean it because that’s her ******* JOB (cleaning the room, not hooking up with you), that’s called “I felt like hitting it, so I did.”

There’s no “Moral Failing” there.

Hugh Grant didn’t have a moral failing. He wanted to have sex with some chick that wasn’t Elizabeth Hurley (his girlfriend at the time) and he did it => http://hellobeautiful.com/gossip-news/hellobeautifulstaff2/hugh-grants-prostitute-thanks-him-15-years-later-for-changing-her-life/.

Kobe Bryant didn’t have a “MORAL FAILING” => http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobe_Bryant_sexual_assault_case … ummm… Actually, Kobe *DID* have a Moral Failing when he snitched on Shaq! :D HAHAHA

Later, news came out that Bryant had referred to O’Neal while being questioned by police in 2003. According to reports, Bryant stated that he should have paid off his women so that they wouldn’t say anything, like O’Neal. Bryant also stated that O’Neal would pay women up to US $1 million to stay quiet about their rendezvous.

Anyway.. The point is that when you have a wife and hook up with some other chick that’s not even coming on to you, that doesn’t count as a “Moral Failing”. That’s YOU deciding you want to have sex.

How does one recuperate after a Moral Failing? o_O .. Do you go to French Sex Rehab?

This is Fantastic! :D haha I can’t wait for American dudes to catch on to this and start using “Moral Failing” to get over on their wives after they get caught doing something they claimed they weren’t going to do. >:D

DSK Article – He said his May 14 sexual encounter with Nafissatou Diallo, an African immigrant who claimed that he attacked her when she entered his room in Manhattan’s Sofitel hotel to clean it, “did not involve violence, constraint or aggression.”

So what? \o/

What does that have to do with “You’re married”?

This is what’s amazing about this whole story. Dude’s acting like he’s single and the infidelity/cheating/adultery part is all cool beans (hat tip to Edie for that term).

All he’s trying to say for himself is “She gave it up. I didn’t take it.”

I just can’t wait for this to catch on, so the next time a dude gets caught cheating, he goes “Come on, honey… I mean… SHE GAVE IT UP!.. What was I supposed to do? Not tap that? \o/”

Still, he acknowledged, it “was a moral failing and I am not proud of it. I regret it infinitely. I have regretted it everyday for the past four months and I think I’m not done regretting it.

It “was not only an inappropriate relationship, but more than that, it was a failing … a failing vis-a-vis my wife, my children and my friends but also a failing vis-a-vis the French people, who had vested their hopes for change in me.”

This is where I’m hoping they messed up his translation… “I THINK I’m not done regretting it”? :D hahaha “an inappropriate RELATIONSHIP“?

Now he had time to be in a relationship with the maid before he skated to the airport and tried to break north with no delay? I’m hoping there’s some French word that means sex or blowjob that they misinterpreted.

Strauss-Kahn, who had a long-standing reputation as a man with a weakness for sex and women, said the Diallo imbroglio had profoundly changed him.

“I’ve seen the pain that I caused around me and I thought, I thought a lot,” he said. “That lightness, I’ve lost it for good.”

What kind of weakness is that where you try to hook up with a maid that comes to clean your hotel room? :D

Do they have a special designation for that, where it comes up on the screen when you make your reservation “DON’T SEND ANY CHICKS TO CLEAN THIS GUY’S ROOM!!! :O”

How about “If this guy feels like hooking up with a chick, he’s going to try to do that”?.. What the **** is the matter with men these days? What happened to Personal Responsibility? How rich and powerful do you have to be before you can actually say “**** it. I ****** her. So what? It was good. I enjoyed myself. Sue me. Talk to my ******* lawyer.”

During the interview, Strauss-Kahn praised his wife, Anne Sinclair, former TF1 news anchor and wealthy heiress who he called an “exceptional woman.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten through it without her,” he said. “I hurt her, I know, and I’m sorry. But you know that she wouldn’t have been there for me, by my side, she wouldn’t have supported me in that way if from the very first second she didn’t know that I was innocent.”

um… Innocent of what? o_O

That’s supposed to get you credit, that you admit you hooked up with some chick in “an inappropriate relationship” but you were cleared of assault charges? :D

omg.. Somebody remind me to meet a rich French chick, ASAP! >:D
–
Follow Bill on Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Why Men Cheat
• Sex By Mistake?
• Men Buy Sex
• Your Girlfriend Is A Ho
• Don’t Tell The Waitress What’s In The Soup

I had brought this up before.. about how Sammi’s brain doesn’t cope well with information she doesn’t like.

When Ronnie told her it was over, she asked him like 85 different times to confirm it in at least 97,000 different ways before it finally sank in that he was serious and their “relationship” was over.

This week, Sammi’s lack of brainpower MIPS (Millions of Instructions Per Second) bit her in the ass….. HARD! :D HAHAHA

When you’re interrogating someone, the best thing to do is ask questions that you already know the answer to.

If I ask you “Did you go straight home?” and you say “Yes” and then I ask you “Did you go straight home?”, it’s in your best interest to consider that a) I don’t believe you, and b) I probably know something you didn’t think I knew.

This is what happened to Sammi. Nicole pulled her to the side, and with a stern look on her grill, asked “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”, to which, Sammi replied “I don’t text ANYBODY!”, and then Nicole asked Deena what the guy’s name was.

It’s right at that point in time that your brain is supposed to inform you that you’re busted. Instead, Sammi continued to deny. This is because, like I said the other day, people’s word isn’t worth **** anymore, and she’s used to saying and doing anything she wants and nobody’s worthless opinion trumps hers.

Unfortunately for her, this time, there was physical evidence.. Text messages FROM HER to the guy, on his phone, that came from her account, and had her picture attached to the messages.

Busted.

Background

Basically, Sammi & Ronnie have been dating since the beginning of season 01, or about a full year. In season 02, Ronnie “cheated” on Sammi a bunch of times and she pretended to get over it so she could look cool, but it was actually driving her crazy.

They broke up a couple of episodes ago, after Ronnie told her it was over, so Sammi thought it would be a good idea to take Nicole & Deena’s advice and dress up, go to the club and rub her ass on some other dude so Ronnie could watch and feel jealous.

Ronnie proceeded to stroll home and destroy all of her belongings, including her prescription glasses, so she ended up going home.

Sammi came back relatively quickly. I think they said on the show that she was gone for a week or so.

Upon her return, she and Ronnie got back together, naturally, because they have nothing better to do with their lives.

The problem is that apparently, as soon as she went home, while Ronnie was crying about her and ordering flowers sent to her house, Sammi started texting this guy that arrived at the club and was the flashpoint for the ensuing ruckus.

Instead of fessing up, she tried to play it off and failed miserably.

Sammi was in the right to text the dude and invite him to come see her, because she and Ronnie had broken up before she left the house, so she was absolutely single. However.. Ronnie expected her to not to kick it to some rebound dude the very next day.

When Sammi returned, she could have admitted it, but elected not to.

In fact, she was actually dumb enough to go to the club that she texted the guy to meet her at. This is what happens when someone who’s used to being a girlfriend tries to do treacherous, sneaky things. It normally doesn’t work out because she doesn’t have any practice in it.

So she doesn’t admit she was texting some other dude, gets back together with Ronnie, and goes WITH RONNIE to the club that she had told the other guy to meet her at (being that she had been single at the time).

Actually, what’s even dumber about what happened is that she KNEW that the guy she was texting was friends with Mike “The Snitchuation”, the neighborhood gossip & town crier.. Absolutely THE WORST PERSON that she could have had knowing her personal business.

Beginning Of The End

So dude shows up to the bar and asks Mike where Sammi is and announces that she told him to meet her there.

The reason this happened is that Sammi FAILED to send him the “I’m back together with my boyfriend” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Act like you don’t know me” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Don’t **** up my relationship with Ronnie” text message.

So, as far as dude knew, Sammi was still single, and still wanted to see him. He was there to see her and was ready to get it jumpin’ off. >:D

Mike asks him for proof, so dude breaks out his cell phone and scrolls through messages Sammi sent him during the few days she was out of the house / broken up with Ronnie.

In an intelligent move, Mike calls Jenni over and has dude show her the messages. Jenni informs Nicole & Deena about what’s happening, and Nicole decides to run and tell Sammi she’s busted before Ronnie finds out and flips out on her.

Nicole pulls Sammi away from Ronnie, and asks her “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”

This should have triggered a memory search by Sammi. She should either have wondered “WHICH GUY is Nicole talking about?” or, if there aren’t a vast number of guys, she should have the name(s) available for her right off the bat.

The question was not “ARE you texting any guys?”. The question was not “Are you talking to anyone besides Ronnie?”. Nicole asked her for specific information about a specific action. It’s the difference between someone asking you “Do you have money on you?” and “Which ATM did you get that $100 in your pocket from?”. The fact that someone is aware of how much money you have on you, *AND* that you went to an ATM to get it indicates that they’re referencing something specific, not taking a shot in the dark.

The answer to “Where did you get the money in your pocket?” is not “I don’t have money in my pocket”, when you know ******* damned well that you DO have money in your pocket, and exactly the amount you’re being asked about, which you retrieved from an ATM, to boot. The response is either a) “How do you know how much money I have?”, b) “How do you know I went to an ATM”, or c) I went to the ATM at Crenshaw & Slauson.

Similarly.. The response to “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?” is either a) “Who told you I was texting a guy?”, b) “How do you know I’ve been texting a guy?”, or c) a list of names of the guys you’ve been texting…. The answer “I don’t text ANYBODY!” clearly isn’t going to save your ass, because the way the question was formed indicates knowledge of your actions prior to approaching you.

So Sammi lies and says she hasn’t been texting any guys. She had already been busted on the reunion special for season 01 when they showed footage of her commiserating with Mike about this guy that she had been talking to behind Ronnie’s back. There was footage of her and Mike in her room and also driving together in the car, talking about her treachery, and for some odd reason, Snitchuation backed her play, violating “Guy Code” or “Dude Code” or “Bro Code” or whatever they call it, and completely siding with “Girl Code”, like Ronnie accused him of a full year later.

This was a problem as well. Nicole had stepped to Sammi so they could get their lies straight and do damage control. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is….

Believing Your Own Hype

I have to go off on a tangent, here. :D If you’re an attractive female, and it seems like everybody agrees with what you say, they don’t. It’s easier to get laid if you agree with what hawt chicks say, is why nobody argues with you. Also, your opinions don’t have any bearing on anything important, so there’s no reason to jar you from your illusions and delusions.

Please don’t let this go to your head, where you think you’re actually SMARTER than the people surrounding you. When people know you’re wrong, they STFU so they can remain in your good graces and get the benefits. Girls benefit from the trickle-down guys they get to rap to that you reject. Guys get to benefit because they get to screw you.

Do yourself a favor, and figure out your relative intelligence before you attempt to run scams or lie about texting guys behind your recently-broken-up-with boyfriend’s back.

So.. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is, doesn’t take advantage of this golden opportunity that Nicole gave her. Since she’s used to saying something and believing that people accept her word as bond, her brain elects to override the facts with belligerence. Her brain decides that she’s going to shout everyone down and tell them how it is, like Travolta in “Get Shorty”.

Had she been mentally functioning within the realm of reality, as soon as Nicole & Deena told her that there is a guy, on the premises, with a smartphone, that has text messages from her, with her face on them, inviting him to this very club to come see her, she would have sent Deena on the sneaks to try to tell the dude to play it off and not tell Ronnie what’s going on.

She couldn’t have gone, herself, because Ronnie would have followed her. She couldn’t have sent Nicole, because Ronnie would have watched where she went and come over to interrogate Sammi.

None of this matters, because Sammi’s response was to go on the warpath.

Nicole tells her “You texted him to come here tonight” and Sammi’s response is “No, I didn’t!”. Once again, wasted scheming time. Stop trying to dictate reality. You are not Nostradamus. You are not a Jedi. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself… *NOW*, Not only did Nicole tell you the name of the dude, and that he’s here in the club right now, and that he already told the fellaz that you told him to come see you here, but she’s telling you WHAT. YOU. SAID. IN. YOUR. MESSAGES. that he has with him, on his phone, right now, and that he’s already shown to Mike, Jenni, Deena and herself, and you’re STILL DENYING THAT YOU TEXTED HIM???

This chick is really dense. I think she would still have tried to deny if Chris Hanson had offered for her to sit down and have some lemonade.

Lesser Included Charges

Next, Sammi does the worst thing she could have done, and without making a plan with her girls about how she’s going to get over, she goes back over to where Ronnie is.

This is where I have to give Mike Snitchuation ultimate credit for his plotting. It worked out perfectly. Sammi still would have been busted if Mike had gone directly to Ronnie, because the evidence was in dude’s phone, but the fact that Mike enlisted ALL OF THE GIRLS ahead of time made Sammi look like a complete AssHat while they collectively explained the situation to Ronnie.

Sammi played “I’m so confused.. What are you talking about? :O” while Jenni and Nicole explained to her in front of Ronnie that the dude is here, he said Sammi invited her to come see him and he has the text messages still on his phone, to prove it, including her ******* picture on the texts.

So then, Sammi changes her story, ENTIRELY, right before Ronnie’s eyes.

All of a sudden, it’s not “I don’t text anybody” and “No I didn’t”, but rather “I will go ******* confront that guy, Arvin, and Mike, together, because let me tell you something… Arvin’s my friend from home!”

I’ve seen this a million times. Of course, guys do this too, but I’ve seen chicks change their excuse on the fly, when reality finally sets in that they’re not going to win.

You can’t change your excuse from “I didn’t have sex with him” to “I had sex with him because I was drunk” to “I made a mistake” to “I don’t remember having sex with him”… Which one is it? o_O

Unfortunately for you, excuses don’t cascade like Lesser Included Charges. If someone’s accused of Murder 1, they might actually be convicted of Murder 2 or Manslaughter, which is the exact same charge with lower levels of culpability / premeditation, so they carry lower sentences. Excuses don’t work like that. “He’s my friend from home” doesn’t fit inside “I didn’t text him”. “I texted him because we’re friends” doesn’t fit inside “I don’t text anybody”. Either you were lying at first, or you’re lying now.

What “Friends” Means

Also, just last month, I talked about what women MEAN in these situations when they say a guy is their “friend”. They don’t mean they like each other and pal around. They’re indicating that they don’t have sex with this particular male of the species.

For some reason that’s completely beyond me, women think that calling a guy their friend actually deflects suspicion. I just don’t get it. I mean.. When was the last time that a chick actually ADMITTED that she’s givin’ it up? o_O .. Like, to someone that’s not her boyfriend or husband?

Never, that’s when.

Any. Guy. That. A. Chick. Doesn’t. Want. To. Admit. She’s. Hooking. Up. With. Will. Be. Called. Her. Friend.

Get a clue, ladies. Everybody knows what time it is. I know you have to play it off, but don’t do yourself the disservice of believing that anybody believes you when you say it.

*PRO TIP* – Real Friends have something in common. That’s why they’re friends. People aren’t friends for no reason. This is why calling a guy your “friend” doesn’t fly. Just because you have a nice ass and he happens to like nice asses, that’s something you share in common, but it’s not something that makes you friends.

If you insist on using this as a cover, make sure you add the functionality of your so-called friendship in the explanation. “We work in the same industry”. “We both enjoy flying kites”. “We’re both studying Italian in the same class”. “We both have stamp and/or butterfly collections”. Make up SOMETHING that possibly explains why in the hell he would elect to be “friends” with you instead of boning you.

*PRO TIP #2* – If you’re going to go the “He’s my friend” route, make sure you select a guy that actually makes friends with girls for reasons other than eventually or immediately having sex with them.

DO NOT select a guy that’s a Hunter and expect anybody to believe he’s not doing his damnedest to screw you.

DO NOT select a guy that’s homeboys with your male roommate, who knows damned well that this dude doesn’t give a **** about you other than trying to hook up with you.

DO NOT invite your so-called “friend” to meet you at a club. Do not invite him to meet you at a club where your boyfriend will be in attendance. If you have to say something in public, play it off like you want to meet him for coffee (when everybody that knows him knows damned well that he NEVER drinks coffee and only drinks beer). Make some kind of platonic-looking excuse to spend time with him so that when you finally get busted, you can be like “So what? I had coffee with my friend. Big deal!”.

So.. Basically… As soon as Sammi changed her story from “I didn’t text anybody” to “I texted this Hunter and told him I wanted to see him and to meet me at a nightclub because he’s someone I know platonically from home that I don’t hook up with”, Ronnie knew what time it was.

Edited Conversations

I really don’t know what Sammi hoped to accomplish by confronting the two guys who were in control of the physical evidence of her actions. It was too late. The cat was out of the bag. Jenni, Nicole, and Deena had already seen her face next to the BBM text messages on the dude’s phone.

What was she going to do? Tell him to erase them? :D People had already seen them. She had already changed her excuse. She wasn’t denying that she sent him the messages, she was saying that it was OK that she sent him the messages because they share a platonic relationship together, based on………… o_O

So Sammi brings Ronnie over and steps to the dude. MTV proceeds to do a very creative edit that doesn’t make any sense at all. They make the conversation go:

Sammi: “You’re my friend”
Dude: “Yeah”
Sammi: “That’s It?”
Dude: “So?”

Then, they do a conspicuous cutaway to Ronnie standing there doing nothing so they don’t have to play the rest of the dialogue in the conversation, and next second, Ronnie’s walking away, upset, going “It’s fine. I’m going to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom”.

This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it was the best edit the MTV producers could come up with based on whatever raw footage they had.

I’ve never had this happen to me, because chicks aren’t stupid enough to think I’m going to back their play if they bring their boyfriends to me, asking questions about my personal business. We can extrapolate what actually happened from the facts that we have:

1. Dude is AT THE CLUB BECAUSE Ronnie’s girlfriend (ex at the time) texted him, told him she wanted to see him and invited him to that specific club to spend time with her.
2. Ronnie was at home crying over Sammi and sending her flowers while she was texting with this dude.
3. Dude has the physical evidence ON HIM, in his phone, and everybody’s seen it already.
4. Sammi initially denied sending the texts, then admitted sending the texts while explaining that this guy is a platonic friend of hers.
5. Sammi claimed she was going to confront Mike and the dude, implying that she was going to get them to recant their story.
6. With Ronnie standing right there, she asked the dude if he was her friend.
7. Dude replied “Yes”.
8. Sammi asked “That’s it?”, requesting confirmation from him that they’re not messing around.
9. Dude replied “So?” instead of “No. We’re not messing with each other”.
10. More conversation occurred that MTV deleted.
11. Ronnie is upset and claims he has to go to the bathroom so he can escape the embarrassment.

Now.. If dude had said, in the part that MTV deleted “Listen, man.. I’m not kickin’ it with your girl. We’re “just friends” and she wanted to meet me here and have a drink and talk about her relationship to you, so I got dressed up, got a fresh haircut and drove my ass all the way here to this club, paid to get in and then paid for outrageously-priced drinks while I was waiting for Sammi to arrive for our platonic conversation about you that we can’t even have because it’s too ******* loud in here, so I probably would have had to take her to my SUV with the tinted windows and talked to her in the back…” Ronnie would have been ok with that.

That’s obviously not what happened.

Possibilities

One possibility is that Sammi and Ronnie stepped up, dude produced his phone, showed it to Ronnie and said “Here’s what your girlfriend sent me”, and let the facts speak for themselves.

Another possibility is that he didn’t deny messing with her.

This is what I mean about women trying to hide behind the term “friends”. Sammi asked him if he was her friend, and he said “yes”. That means that he likes her as a person. It doesn’t mean he’s never ****** her. Also, I’m sure Ronnie’s been in lots of situations where a chick he was screwing told people that he was her friend. Whether they believed it or not doesn’t change the facts of their relationship and sexual involvement.

This is why I’m suspicious of the word “So?” being the end of the conversation. It can’t be. She would have had to counter that with “You and I have never had sex, right?”, and then the entire situation goes downhill.

The problem here is that Sammi’s asking the dude to say “Yes, I’m a Herb. I hang out with girls for no reason at all. I don’t like to screw attractive chicks.”.. The second problem is that even if dude decided to lie about that for her benefit, he’s actually friends with Mike and has probably hung out with Ronnie before as well. That means they’ve all hunted together. That means Ronnie already knows damned well that this dude wouldn’t come to see Sammi for some bullshit platonic reason.

Another possibility is that dude showed Ronnie the text messages and said “No disrespect to you, dude. She told me y’all broke up. She invited ME to come spend time with her. I wasn’t trying to cut your throat. She never told me y’all got back together.”

He wasn’t obliged to say all that, because whatever he’s doing with Sammi is his own personal business and none of Ronnie’s business. If he’s friends with Ronnie, a very basic “Your ex girlfriend threw sex at me” is easily understandable and there should be no hard feelings in either direction. There was no reason for Ronnie to be disrespectful towards him for coming to a club to meet a newly-single female he wants to ****, and there was no reason for him to be disrespectful towards Ronnie for asking him about his personal business with Sammi.

Another possibility is that he told Ronnie “Yo. Mind your business.”

I doubt that’s what happened, because he had already told Mike, who told everybody else, so Ronnie was going to find out one way or the other. On top of that, dude is an actual friend of Mike’s, so there’s no reason for them not to clear the air so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

Another possibility is that he played the platonic friend role, but wasn’t convincing.

I doubt that’s what happened, because Mike and Ronnie know who he is and that he does the same thing they do when it comes to chicks.

Again, I’ve never been in this situation, so I can’t really say what I would have done.

What I *WOULDN’T* have done is ask Mike where Sammi is instead of just texting her ass and telling her to meet me by the bar. Either that, or physically going to find her, in which case, I would have seen Ronnie shadowing her and I would have known they were back in action.

Most likely, purely hypothetically, my reaction to Sammi and Ronnie coming to ask me about my personal business would depend on the level of friendship I had with Sammi. If she and I were TIGHT, I’d fall on my sword and go the “I’m a Herb” route, because I’m gonna do whatever I want with her ANYWAY, regardless of what her man thinks of me. If it makes her life better for her boyfriend or whatever to believe I’m a chump that hangs out with his girlfriend playing scrabble, that works for me.

If we weren’t cool like that, I would have shown Ronnie the text messages with his girlfriend’s face on it, let him read the evidence for himself, and said “If y’all are back together, cool. She said she was single now and wanted to spend time with me, so here I am.”

The other problem with the footage is that the dude looked completely calm in every single frame. There’s no “My bad, dude.” in his demeanor. He doesn’t look as if he just took one for the team and claimed he’s never messed with Sammi. He looks like “Whatever, dude.”, which is totally not the response Sammi was hoping to receive by “confronting” him and Mike.

The confrontation was supposed to yield a reversal from both guys. It clearly didn’t.

Whatever was said, Ronnie was rather upset, and broke up with Sammi, *AGAIN*! :D hahaha

Somehow, they end up in the kitchen, when Ronnie had claimed he had to go to the bathroom, and Ronnie proceeds to throw a min-fit: “Have fun with the girls.. I didn’t ******* call NO GIRLS while you were gone… I had every chance, on Thursday, to bring the ******* HOTTEST girl in the club home, and I ******* DIDN’T, because I was CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH over ******* YOU!”

As much as I detest commenting on their juvenile, elementaryschoolesque relationship, I feel I should say that “If I had known you were sending text messages to another guy, I would have ****** this girl I met the other day” isn’t a good look.

You Betta Recognize!!!

The next thing that happens is that Sammi starts breakin’ on Mike, telling him she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Snitchuation’s response is basically “Don’t get mad at ME because YOU got busted! :D”.

In fact, Sammi has nothing to be mad at Mike for, because even though he was snitching and gossiping as usual, this time it worked out in the favor of the guys instead of the girls. Under “Guy Code”, Mike was obliged to inform Ronnie that his girl has been throwing it at his friend. Sammi has already benefiited from “Girl Code”, because if not for that, “The Letter” would never have been written, and she wouldn’t have been invited to sleep in the girls’ room after Ronnie destroyed all her stuff.

Typically, even though it may have been left out in the edit, there has been ZERO heartfelt apology from Sammi. She denied all the way to the end of the episode that she was messing with that dude. She kept saying “He’s. My. FRIEND!!!”, to which Vinny eventually casually replied “Girls don’t have friends that are guys.”

The bottom line, ladies, is that if you’re gonna mess with a shark, give him the respect of remembering that he’s a ******* SHARK! >:D .. He doesn’t believe anything you say. He lets it slide because it doesn’t matter, and it’s easier to have sex with you if you think he believes you’re right.

You can’t get away with the same excuses that work on Herbs because Hunters live in the real world and have been on both sides of the equation. They’ve been the guy lied to and they’ve been the guy that the gal lied to her boyfriend or husband about. They’ve told the lies to get the girl to give it up and they’ve told the lies that help their close homegirls maintain their relationships. They’ve looked dudes square in the eye and told them “Nah, I’m not ******* your woman” when they just got up off of her an hour ago.

Do yourselves a favor, ladies… Give a shark respect for who he is, and he’ll give you respect for recognizing game and coming correct.

Even though Ronnie sold out in the beginning of season 01, I said from the first time I saw the show that he should have been the top dog and squad leader over Pauly, Mike & Vinny when it comes to pulling chicks… Just because he’s been crying every episode and exhibiting Herb-like behavior doesn’t mean he’s not a shark at heart.

If your man’s an accountant or something, go ahead and tell him that you were texting another shark to meet you at a nightclub for platonic reasons. He’ll buy it. He’s not even going to be able to IMAGINE the kinky ways his girlfriend or wife gives it up when she’s with guys that actually turn her on and know how to put her body to work.

If you decide to date a badboy, understand that if you introduce him to another badboy as your so-called friend, they’re going to be able to detect each other, which most likely isn’t going to work out in your favor.

Mistaken Identity

I recently had a weird situation occur, along these same lines, but for the exact opposite reason.

I ran into this chick that I know but that I’ve never messed with. She could definitely get it, because she’s FOYINE, but I’ve never hooked up with her, dated her, nothing. She and I would actually qualify as “friends” in the platonic sense, not because I wouldn’t hit it, but because I haven’t yet.

I hadn’t seen her in well over a year, maybe even close to two. I greeted her, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and asked her how everything was going. She replied “eeh. :/” and seemed to be looking past me, over my left shoulder as she was walking away.

I found her statement and response odd, but didn’t think anything of it, because I hadn’t seen her in so long that who knows what the hell had happened in her life during that time. \o/

So later, there was a baby crawling around, maybe a year old, and this baby crawls over to me and is really friendly, haha, most likely because we’re approximately the same color and have the same texture of hair.

In fact, I had never seen that kid before in my entire life. Being the friendly person that I am, I smiled and waved at the baby and he smiled and waved back.

20-30 minutes passed, and a mutual friend of mine and that chick’s was talking to some dude I’ve never seen before in life and decided to introduce us. I walked over and shook his hand, but he seemed really stiff.. tight.. as if he had some kind of problem with me that I wasn’t aware of.

Shortly after that, I had another run-in with the baby, except this time, the girl I hadn’t seen in ages was interacting with him in a way that indicated to me that she was most likely his mother.

This put all the pieces together for me :D

The guy was stiff because he’s her boyfriend, and purportedly the baby’s father.

Meanwhile, a guy he’s never seen before shows up, knows his girlfriend, her kid looks like me and is very comfortable around me…. hahaha Like they say on The Maury Show, I am ONE THOUSAND PERCENT POSITIVE I am not the father, because I’ve literally never had sex with her ever in life.

If he had asked me, I would have said “Nope. I’ve never dated or messed with your woman.”.. Not because it’s any business of his, because if he’s worried about whether he’s the pops or not, he needs to spend the money on a paternity test, but rather because I’m actually *NOT* messing with her, and The Ki-Hid Is Not My Son! >:D

–
Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Platonic Relationships
• Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys
• Enabling Cheating In Relationships (Enough Is Enough)
• 10 Reasons He Wants To Be “Just Friends”
• “Busted” Haiku