Bill Cammack

First things First… There are Sex Addicts and there are guys that like to ****.

There are guys that like to **** several chicks consecutively or simultaneously.

There are guys that would **** all day if they could.

There are guys that would **** on a box, near a fox, or while eating Green Eggs & Ham and NOT *ONE* of these guys are ADDICTS. O_o

Somehow.. It’s become trendy that when dudes get busted doing what they like to do, they can now rely on this little automatic backup parachute that’s triggered after your main parachute fails you while you’re plummeting towards the Earth while skydiving, which is called SEX REHAB!!! :D

The Problem

Back in the day, chicks were just SOL when their man got busted cheating. \o/ If it was a politician, the chick did the Perp Walk with him to the podium and stood there like a small child that didn’t understand English while her husband admitted to The Entire World that even though he’s married to this chick next to him, he likes to “Get In where he Fit In”.

Meanwhile, dude’s pockets were SOL when she did the Eddie Murphy on him and shuffled off to Buffalo with HALF!!! :D haha That was the arrangement. Do what you can until you get busted and then you lose your main chick, probably your kids and definitely your money.

The Solution

At some point, some genius figured out that there was a way to keep the chick, kids & cash. They changed the response for “How come you did XYZ with that chick?” from “I felt like it” or “That’s what I do” or “She was there” to “I’m addicted to women?.. and I need… HELP?” Read the rest of this entry »

Women are better liars than men. This is because, in general, women can immerse themselves in fantasies way better than men can.

If women want to start to feel turned on, what do they do?… That’s right… READ A BOOK!!! :O .. Some words.. In a little paperback novel with one picture of Fabio on the cover holding some chick that they project to be them. Suddenly!!!… A Puerto Rican gal sitting on her fire escape in Harlem, NYC is ACTUALLY a southern belle, dressed like the woman on the cover, riding in a Horse & Buggy with her Fabioesque lover whom she imagines is only having sex with her until 100 pages later where she reads that TMZ reported that her man has been ******* every maid and nanny that they’ve ever hired since their relationship began. Read the rest of this entry »

So the other day, I heard that Tiger Woods crashed his car and he was being treated for injuries. Once I heard the injuries weren’t career-threatening, I didn’t pay any more attention to the story. I read that he was in his car BY HIMSELF when he crashed and that his wife broke one of the car windows with a golf club to get him out. So what? Big deal.

Tiger Woods vs. Chris Brown

So now, readers Stephanie, Priscilla & Frank have pointed out to me that the internet’s buzzing with rumors that this-and-that happened, so I decided to see what the tabloids were talking about. Interestingly enough, it’s amazingly similar to the Chris Brown situation a few months ago:

1) Chick feels like she has exclusive access to a guy.
2) Chick supposedly receives information that her man was kickin’ it with some other chick.
3) Chick gets upset about it.
4) Chick wigs out and it gets physical.

This is where these tabloid stories part ways: Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve had to cover for our boy so he doesn’t get caught by his girlfriend/fiancee/wife cheating. Well.. If not “HAD TO”, we’ve all had it REQUESTED of us, and “the right thing to do” is hook your boy up and take one for the team.

Larry David’s had to do this several times by now for his homeboy/manager Jeff in his show “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, and after what I watched last night, I had to write about this stuff hahaha. Sorry cheaters… There comes a point where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you’re gonna have to get cut loose to sink or swim on your own.

I first became aware of this problem a long time ago. I searched for the episode reference, but couldn’t find it. I believe it was in season 01, and now, they’re in season 07. Anyway… Oh man, I was rollin’ off of this one! :D

Larry and his boy live in California. They travel 3,000 miles away, to New York City and while they’re there, Larry’s boy Jeff hooks up with some chick. At the time, Jeff was married and so was Larry, so, realistically, Jeff shouldn’t have asked Larry to cover for him at all, being that they would have been taking similar risks getting caught hanging out with some chick that wasn’t their wives.

The Problem

So Jeff’s finished doin’ the do, and he asks his boy Larry for a favor, namely to make sure the chick Jeff just hooked up with gets wherever she needs to go safely (You don’t gotsta go home……. but you GOTSTA GET *THE* *HELL* OUT OF *HERE*!!! :D). Larry naively accepts this assignment and decides he’s going to walk this girl across Central Park to wherever she has to go. As soon as I saw this, I was like “Oh Boy… HERE. WE. GO!!!”. Read the rest of this entry »

You got caught cheating.
Your girl does not trust you now.
Pass her over here! :D

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Ladies. Please wake up. There is no such thing as a guy having sex by mistake. Period. No chance, no way, no how. None.

I was having this conversation about “the truth” with a friend the other day, and the scenario came up of a guy being in a relationship with one chick and then having sex with a different chick and returning to his so-called “girlfriend” and telling her “the truth”.

Unfortunately, :) My friend’s version of a guy telling “the truth” included “blah blah blah blah and I made a mistake and blah blah blah”. Sorry. That doesn’t exist.

Free Will

What had happened was….. He did what he wanted to do AT. THAT. TIME., and now he feels sorry about it.

Maybe he feels sorry because he went back on his word, which has nothing to do with his girl and everything to do with who he thinks he is as a person and what he believes (believED) his overall character is (was).

Maybe he feels sorry because he didn’t think he was the type of guy to cheat, and he found out “the hard way” that he was (is).

Maybe he feels sorry that he can’t look his girl in the eye and continue the lie that he’s only having sex with her. Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve already established in “Maury Show Tips: 01 – You Are An Idiot” that if The Maury Show calls you AT ALL, then either YOU are an idiot, your girlfriend is an idiot or BOTH OF YOU are idiots. That means there’s a 66% chance that you are an idiot, which is higher than 50%, so let’s just assume that it’s YOU. Here’s the proof:

You + Her = Result
================
Smart + Smart = Rejected. Never seen on the show [25%]
Smart + Idiot = She did something that will embarrass you = Guest [25%]
Idiot + Smart = You did something that will embarrass her = Guest [25%]
Idiot + Idiot = Ratings Galore = GUEST!!! (multiple episodes) [25%]

Now, because you’ve been invited as a guest, we can throw out Smart+Smart, which leaves us with two slots where you are an idiot and one slot where you are not = 66% chance that the idiot is YOU.

If your girl happens NOT to be an idiot (which, BTW… you wouldn’t be smart enough to figure out), then we can rule out the Paternity Test series. The only trick The Maury Show has left up its sleeve is The Lie Detector Test.

Like I mentioned previously, even the secretary who buzzed you in the security door to the studio is more educated than you are. PLEASE do yourself a favor and FORGET ABOUT TRICKING AN-NY-BOD-DEE until you get back out in the street, like FAR AWAY from the studio and make sure you turn a couple of corners so their outside cameras can’t see you either.

Of course, the entire point of this series is that you’re not going to take my advice and stay off the show, so here’s how to carry yourself when you’re a guest on the Lie Detector Test episodes: Read the rest of this entry »

I have an intimate relationship with alcoholic beverages.

This is why I just completely DETEST when people try to use alcohol as an excuse as far as why they did something. It’s a copout. It’s bullshit. There are two main reasons for this.

First… if YOU drank the alcohol YOURSELF, and you knew what you were drinking, I don’t want to hear it. The only break you might get is if you’re just beginning drinking. A friend of mine in college drank alcohol for what may have been his first time, but was DEFINITELY a rare occasion for him, and he swore up and down that our other friend’s hair was WHITE… when I was looking right at it, and my friend’s hair was BLACK. :D As friends, it was our duty and responsibility to BAN THAT GUY FROM DRINKING EVER AGAIN! He did it as an experiment, just to try it out, but alcohol just didn’t agree with him and it was in everyone’s best interest, especially his own that he keep his mind right, so he was banned.

So.. Other than not understanding what the alcohol was going to do to you because you’re just starting, NOBODY has an excuse for what they did when it comes to alcohol, IMO. It’s YOUR responsibility to know whether you can handle it or not. It’s NOT your friend’s responsibility to “look out for you” after you’ve incapacitated yourself. It’s a good deed, and it’s nice of friends to do that, because friends have definitely done that for me, like when I’ve fallen asleep on the subway and was leaning all over people I didn’t know, or when they didn’t want me to ride my bike, or when I licked birthday cake off of some chick’s face at her party and her uncle thought he was gonna do something about it, but my friends didn’t HAVE TO look out for me in those situations. They CHOSE TO, even though I didn’t ask them to, and I appreciate that. Completely.

Still… Choosing to drink AT ALL makes it MY responsibility from the giddyap. That’s the first reason why alcohol is no excuse for ANYTHING. It’s something that YOU do to YOURSELF. You utilized your own free will and ingested the beverages, so now you can deal, or you can’t.

A friend of mine told me just the other day about a situation where she went out to a bar with some other chicks, one of them “got nice” on her own, met a guy she liked, hooked up with him, and then, the next day, she was all like “Why didn’t you stop me? :O”. First of all, she drank the alcohol herself. Second of all, she didn’t hire my friend to be her babysitter for the night. Third, she didn’t ask my friend ahead of time to stop her from spreading her legs. Since she didn’t ask my friend, there was no reason for my friend to assume that the chick WANTED to be stopped and wasn’t acting from her own free will and basic character. This brings us to the second reason why it’s bullshit to use alcohol as an excuse…

My friends started drinking in Elementary School. Their parents had the money and bought tons of liquor, my friends knew where it was and threw parties pretty much every weekend. I wasn’t in attendance, because that wasn’t my set back then, but I heard the stories about the parties when we all got back to school. I was just anti the whole “get high” concept until I got to college, so I wouldn’t have bothered with it anyway.

The reason I bring that up is that I received YEEEEARS of brainwashing about the effects of alcohol. The main point was that when people drink, they lose their fuckin’ minds. They just go absolutely berserk and aren’t in control of themselves. I had no choice but to buy into this, because I had never BEEN high (which some people use to denote drug use, but I use for any substance, including alcohol, glue sniffing, nail polish, huffing…) until I got to college. I guess my very first experience with alcohol would have bolstered the brainwashing, because I couldn’t play guitar AT.ALL. :D I remember wondering “How in the HELL does Keith Richards do it?” I also remember the feeling of my mind being altered, and also “coming down” for the first time. Once I got a handle on alcohol and really started THINKING and assessing my current state, I realized why people try to use alcohol as an excuse as well as why it’s completely invalid.

People like to use the phrase “Alcohol reduces inhibitions”, but they don’t really understand what they’re talking about. Here’s the definition, from Webster’s:

Main Entry: in·hi·bi·tion Listen to the pronunciation of inhibition
Pronunciation: \ˌin-hə-ˈbi-shən, ˌi-nə-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 a: the act of inhibiting : the state of being inhibited b: something that forbids, debars, or restricts
2: an inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning: as a: a mental process imposing restraint upon behavior or another mental process (as a desire) b: a restraining of the function of a bodily organ or an agent (as an enzyme)

So.. A reduction of inhibition, which EVERYONE AGREES that alcohol facilitates… means that when you get drunk, you lose [an inner impediment to free activity, expression or functioning]. You know what that means? That means that when you’re drunk, You.Do.What.You.WANT.To.Do.

Basically, you temporarily forget to act unnaturally. You lose the ability to remember what you told someone else you were going to do, as well as what you told YOURSELF you were going to do. All that’s left is what you WANT to do, which is why alcohol is no excuse AT ALL for what you did while you were drunk. None.

Of course, I haven’t hung out with everyone on the planet, but I don’t know ANYONE that I have EVER gotten drunk with that turned into somebody that they weren’t already, naturally, by consuming alcohol. There’s no Jekyll & Hyde. There’s only the person they consciously strive to present to you publicly, and the person they really are, if they were to release themselves from the bullshit restrictions they put on themselves in order to be accepted in society or get the right jobs or land the right girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.

Now… What does this have to do with dating? :D

When you go to the bar and meet someone that’s already drunk, do yourself the favor of NOT ASSUMING he/she’s going to be the same person the next day or ever again when they’re sober. Don’t assume that that person’s going to remember you the next time they meet you coughsorryanniecough. Don’t assume that because y’all shared good times together that that’s going to make it to the drunk person’s long-term memory. Don’t assume that because they gave you their number when they were drunk, they want to receive a call from you when they’re sober.

More importantly, if the person you’re dating is a drinker, it’s IMPERATIVE to get drunk with them. If someone won’t drink with you, it could mean they don’t trust YOU enough to get drunk around you, but it could also mean that they don’t trust THEMSELVES to get drunk around you. Granted… There are some people that just.don’t.drink, and more power to them. I’m talking about the people that you KNOW drink and have TOLD YOU they drink and STILL won’t get drunk in front of you. People get really paranoid of showing their true colors.

Now, as we all know, people LOVE to use alcohol as an excuse for cheating. Hopefully, you understand now that that’s out the window. By misusing and misunderstanding the idea of “loss of inhibitions” as well as not holding people responsible for getting themselves drunk in the first place, that’s made alcohol a loophole. “I didn’t know what I was doing”. “I lost my mind”. “I can’t believe I did that”. “I’m not that type of person”. Sorry. Yes, you are. You ARE the type of person to get drunk and hook up with someone you’ve never seen before in life… because you just did it. Yes you are the type of person to get mad and start throwing things around the house or start kicking people’s asses. Yes you are the type of person to lick birthday cake off of chicks’ faces because you damned well felt like it, AND WHAT?

I still remember hearing the guy down the hall screaming about how his niece isn’t a whore, blah blah blah. Sorry dude. The only person that called your niece a whore was YOU! She was sweating The Kid and she was gonna give it up if she felt like giving it up, so mind your business and break north if you don’t want to watch her exercise her freedom of choice and mess with The Kid. PAYCE! :D

Anyway…

I’ve been so tired of this for SO LONG that I felt like writing about it. If you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. Period. It’s your friends’ responsibility to tell you how you’re acting, but NOT to bail you out of situations you create for yourself. If you feel like if you drink and go out on the town, you’re gonna cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, either DON’T DRINK or DON’T GO OUTSIDE or live with the fact that you have FREE WILL just like everyone else and are going to do WHAT you want to do WHEN you want to do it regardless of whom you told other people that you really are and especially regardless of whom you told YOURSELF that you are.

DatingGenius

Star Magazine is reporting that Matthew Broderick allegedly “cheated on” Sarah Jessica Parker.

Apparently, Broderick doesn’t read DatingGenius. :D If he did, he’d know “How To Cheat Properly” as well as pointing the chick he was allegedly messing with to the “Guide To Dating The ‘Internet Famous’”. Granted, I only posted the guide YESTERDAY, but still.

Let’s look at Broderick’s alleged violations, shall we? :D

Star Magazine:“After meeting in a bar, Matthew began text messaging the 25-year-old youth counselor, says the woman’s pal. Soon after, the insider claims, they began seeing each other and things got passionate quickly when they met at the Manhattan townhouse of a showbiz friend.”

There are like 92 violations in that one paragraph.

“After meeting in a bar”?… WHAT? :D The Internet-Famous (and in Broderick’s case, the ACTUALLY FAMOUS) do *NOT* “meet chicks in bars”. This is an ESPECIALLY BAD IDEA when you’re famously known to be involved with someone else that’s famous. This is like quadruple-paparazzi-bonus. The only way you would have more witnesses is if you met a chick in Police Headquarters.

“… began text messaging…” Oh no. :( This is 2008. You can deny phone conversations all you want, but once you start texting, it’s a WRAP! Don’t you watch any of the 80,000 “figure out who the criminal is” shows they have on television these days? As soon as the tabloids suspect who you’re dating, they’re going to bribe some minimum-wage worker at the telephone company for a record of her texts and then you’re done. Kaput.

“… 25-year-old…” Heeeeere we GO!!! :D Now… If you just HAVE TO kick it to a chick in public places AND text her to boot… AT LEAST make sure she’s OLDER and not YOUNGER than you are! People love to hate on dudes that can pull younger chicks. HATE! :D This is why you need to kick it with older chicks, because you won’t be suspected of “taking advantage” of them and you won’t get those stupid questions chicks always ask, like “what do you have in common with someone her age?”… As if you NEED anything to be “in common” other than she turns you on, and she’s down for whatever you have in mind! :D

“… says the woman’s pal…” UH-OHHHHHH! See… This is one of the reasons Charlie Sheen shelled out all those ducats for chicks. DISCRETION! :D If you’re paying for chicks, you don’t have to worry about them blabbing to their homegirls who blab to the tabloids. All you have to worry about in THAT situation is if they’ve already wire-tapped the phones you’re using to order chicks that cost thousands of dollars per session to import them from NYC to Washington, DC.

“… when they met at the Manhattan townhouse of a showbiz friend…” Ugh. :( Now I know tip #9 is “Enlist the help of others”, but this isn’t what I meant. Star Magazine also claims Broderick was seen showing up at the chick’s apartment building for “late-night visits”. I’m thinking now that I should have added another tip, which is:

12) Don’t be where you’re OBVIOUSLY not supposed to be

If you just HAVE TO meet a chick in the middle of the night, make sure it’s somewhere that you can explain it away… like your agent’s office. Maybe the 24-hour gym, with the explanation that you weren’t able to sleep and working out always does the trick for you. Maybe your storage facility in New Jersey……. ANYWHERE, except showing up late-night to a residential area and entering an apartment building where the chick you’re supposedly not kicking it to is known to live.

Well… Hopefully, Broderick still has some Ferris Bueller skillz left over, and he’ll be able to get out of this squeaky-clean. If not… it looks like he’ll have enough free time to read DatingGenius, like he’s supposed to! :D

DatingGenius
 
 

It seems that here, in NYC, we can’t get away from news about “cheating”, infidelity, whatever you want to call it when guys (or gals) go outside of the limits that they agreed to with their current “significant other”.

First, we had the Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer getting caught renting chicks. If you’re interested in that sort of thing, check out the actual affidavit on TheSmokingGun.com.

So then, when Eliot Spitzer resigns, David Paterson takes over as Governor and immediately holds HIS OWN PRESS CONFERENCE admitting extramarital affairs. That shouldn’t be a problem for him because getting laid isn’t against the law…. paying for it *IS*. Unless, of course, you’re in an area of the United States where they decided to legalize prostitution or you’re “acting” in a porno movie.

So anyway, you get the picture… Guys (and gals) are gonna do whatever they *want* to do, regardless of what they told YOU they were gonna do. Now, we’ve already gone over “How to cheat properly” for the fellaz….. So this time, we give some hints to the chicks out there that are always wondering to themselves “How do I know he’s cheating?” :D

Well, first of all, tune in to the Maury show, if it’s still on the air. You will find an incredible assortment of imbeciles that somehow find new and innovative ways to get caught cheating.

Next, you could do the old “Find condoms amongst his belongings when he doesn’t use any with you” trick. Guys slip up on this one all the time. They forget how hard they worked and begged and pleaded and did everything their girlfriend wanted in order to get her to start taking the pill so he could stop using condoms. We’ll skip the part about how stupid this is, because if YOU can get her to not use condoms, so can everybody else. So anyway, it doesn’t occur to guys that now that they’ve succeeded they can’t play off owning boxes of condoms anymore as if they were planning to use them on their girl…. Especially when it’s a 3-pack and there’s only one left. :D

Then there’s the old “Find women’s lingerie in your crib that you’ve never seen before AND isn’t anywhere near your size” trick. Due to the excitement of the circumstances, guys tend to be lax in taking inventory on what a chick walked in the door with and making sure she walks back out the door with the same stuff. Also, since guys don’t normally buy lingerie for their women, how are they supposed to know what’s yours and what isn’t? Meanwhile, if he did the right thing by her in your bedroom, she was too delirious to remember to put her panties on before her jeans, or that she ever owned panties in the first place. :D For a primer on what said lingerie might look like, Ask Frasco… she knows! :D

The next tip would be a lack of reaction to your trying to withhold sex from him. If you get mad at him for not taking out the garbage or something and announce that you’re not going to give him any, if he says “cool” or says absolutely nothing at all, trust and believe he has contingency plans for the possibility of a shortage of sex. Same thing goes for if HE suddenly doesn’t want to have as much sex with you as he used to. Sure, he might be more stressed at work or whatever, but it’s also possible his physical attention’s focused on an L.A. face with an Oakland bootie…. Neither of which, YOU happen to own…..

Another problem for YOU is if all of a sudden your boyfriend starts improving his appearance. He’s been the same dude for ages, but NOW he wants to lose that weight….. Now he wants to buy new clothes…. Now he wants to get in shape…. Now he wants to hook his hair up…. These are primitive mating rituals, like how when a chick’s sweating you, she starts playing with her hair. It’s not likely that one day, he passed a mirror and was like “DAG! I FELL OFF!!!” and started hooking himself up. He was already in good enough shape to get you to mess with him, so it’s not that either.

It could also be a bad thing if he DOESN’T improve his appearance, hahaha… Meaning that if he’s telling you he’s going to the gym three nights a week and he’s just getting fatter and fatter, he might be eating well over at the next chick’s house and you might be hurtling towards the asteroid field of replacement.

Of course, as Client 9 found out, his cell phone / PDA is a veritable treasure trove of information. Lots of guys leave their phones unlocked, so feel free to rummage around and cross reference his onboard address book with recent and frequent incoming and outgoing calls…. Especially the ones that occurred during the wee hours of the morning….

So, basically, there are a million clues… You just have to know what you’re looking for, and in most cases, what you’re looking AT, because it’s happening right in front of your face. :D Numbers on papers left in pockets… Lipstick-stained shirt collars that smell like perfume you don’t own… Receipts from plane reservations with other chicks’ names on them…. Room service charges from a different state than he told you he was going “with the fellaz”…. *YAWN*… Oh… Make sure you meet his family as quickly as you can. Get in good with them so that one sunny day when you’re all hanging out sippin’ lemonade and you bring up his cousin Sheila, his family goes

“Who?”

DatingGenius

A friend of mine once told me “The best way to cheat….. is NOT to cheat!”

This is true. In a perfect world, people would be monogamous and their word could be trusted when they say things like “I love you” and “You’re the only one I’m dating”. However, as you can read yourself in the New York Times, the buzz this week is about how Client 9 got caught cheating on his wife.

Now, I find this to be one of the “funny” things about this society. Guys are trained to go out there and get what they want. Make more money. Initiate Mergers & Acquisitions. Run for office. Play professional sports. Sell your startup… Guys are trained from birth to be the best and take what they want, and then they’re not supposed to apply that to women. Guys are expected to have just one chick and be satisfied with that, when they’re not expected to have just one company or play just one sport. Meanwhile, the more successful you are, the easier it gets for you to acquire and maintain chicks. I mean, think about it…. Why bother becoming Tony Soprano if you can’t enjoy it? What’s the point of acquiring wealth and power without the ability to do what *YOU* want with it?

Granted, the argument is “If you want to live the single lifestyle… BE single!” :D Again, this is true. However…. This doesn’t work for everyone. James Buchanan was the *ONLY* unmarried American President. In some professions, your opportunities for advancement are SEVERELY limited if you don’t have a wife. Similar to getting green cards, being married is just… necessary. It’s a part of the job description. Is this fair to the wife? No. Some know what they’re cosigning and some do not.

Anyway… If you juuuuust can’t help it, and you want to know how to cheat “right”, watch “The Sopranos”. :D

Yes. I’m aware “The Sopranos” is fiction! :D However, if Client 9 had used his time to watch the series instead of scrambling from ATM to ATM to “get his funds up”….. um….. Well, FIRST OF ALL, he wouldn’t have been scrambling from ATM to ATM to get his funds up! :D

Let’s see what else he wouldn’t have done, had he attended the Tony Soprano school for cheating:

Quotes are from the New York Times article.

“It was after 9 on the night before Valentine’s Day when she finally arrived, a young…”

WRONG! :( Actually… this is DOUBLE-WRONG, hahaha :D First of all, if you’re gonna cheat, you’re gonna have to pay some dues… such as being around the family at the right times, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day. Now, you may be thinking “but, it was the day before!”. The day before VD (hehe, ever notice that? The abbreviation for Valentine’s Day is VD? hehehe) is when you get to make your points by celebrating with your woman EARLY! Capisce? Let those other chumps start their celebrations ON Valentine’s Day. That’s actually *late*, especially if your woman works, because she’s sitting there all day, WONDERING if she’s got a nice surprise waiting for her when she gets home instead of BEAMING about what you already did for her the night before, and that morning. SO… “the night before a special event is NOT the time to rent a chick”.

This is ALSO wrong because Valentine’s Day in particular is when you’re supposed to be affectionate to chicks. This is going to be tough to do after you hook up with some chick you’re actually hot for, then, a couple of hours after that, you’re supposed to be all “Happy Valentine’s Day! :D” to your wife. SO… The correct order is to celebrate with your wife the night before and the morning *of* VD, then “get called away for business” later that evening. ;)

“This was at the Mayflower, one of Washington’s choicer hotels…”

WRONG! :( If you’re ballin’ like that, that you’re spending thousands of dollars to see one chick… you want to have an APARTMENT out of the way somewhere. You do NOT want to go to a hotel with CAMERAS, WORKERS and myriad OTHER PEOPLE that just might happen to be there. Also, it’s much easier to explain what you’re doing in an apartment complex than it is to explain what you’re doing by yourself on the eighth floor of a hotel with a big SMILE on your face. :D

“….an online prostitution ring, the affidavit said…”

ummmmmmm……. Online?…. Prostitution?……..

Was there a bar when you walked in? :D Did the chick suggest that you pour her a drink while she goes in another room and changes? :D

“There’s something that I need you need to know… I’m Chris Hanson….”

WHAAAAAAAT? :O Online Prostitution? wow. :/ Forget all that. What you want is a goomah, which is essentially an extra girlfriend.

Amy & JoeyThis is where the apartment comes in handy. You also get to avoid scrambling to the ATM to get more money, avoid cell phone calls between a hooker, her boss and her boss’ boss, avoid getting a call from some agency during “family time” and probably MOST IMPORTANTLY, you get to avoid ordering chicks online.

“In a prior conversation, Client 9 had already told her that he had booked a room and had paid for it in his own name; now he asked who was coming…”

I realized after I began this post that commenting on this ONE article could easily take me a full month, so I’m going to stop here. :D

Obviously, again, having a goomah enables you to AVOID conversations with hookers’ bosses. You also happen to know which girl you’re paying $,$$$ for. Being that I’m not a “trick” (a guy who pays chicks to have sex with him), I don’t know how that stuff works. I would assume you’d pick a particular chick and set up a time to see her instead of whatever chick happens to be available at the time? \o/ Maybe he was trying out different ones? Perhaps there was a special on certain chicks this month? Dunno. Anway…..

In the end, we circle back to the beginning. As you can see, “The best way to cheat….. is NOT to cheat!” :D …. Not because it’s “the right thing to do”, but because you’d either have to be a tactical genius or fictional television character to pull it off. If you’re considering cheating, mentally project yourself into the future of your getting caught. Then, look from there back into the past (which hasn’t happened yet), and ask yourself…..

Was it worth it?………

1993 ~ Amy & Joey ~ 2007


Client 9 Resigns ~ 2008

DatingGenius