Bill Cammack

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This dude tried to cut my throat tonight (rap to a girl I was obviously talking to). Little did he know, he was tryin’na pull a long-time homegirl of mine.

So I go to this wine bar, right? And people are relatively dressy. It’s not a pub, after all.. But I know why I’m there and I know who I’m there with so I don’t give a ****. I’ve got my t-shirt and jeans workin’ and I’m cold lampin’ with my homegirl…

So this dude sits next to us at the bar, right next to her, and I’m talking to her about something and he goes “I couldn’t help overhearing…” so I’m like HERE. WE. GO!!! :D .. Like I keep telling you chicks, dudes aren’t even going to talk to you unless they’re trying to get on, so now I’m monitoring this dude’s game.

He came dressed for the part.. Snazzy suit. Good-looking tie. Expensive-looking watch, similar to the one I bought in Chinatown for $60 that was a knockoff of a multiple-thousand-dollar watch. Acceptable haircut. Visually, dude was on point…… Well….. Except for one thing. He wasn’t visually my homegirl’s type. Due to the way his grill looked and his non-athletic physique, he was fighting an uphill battle, but it was funny to watch. :D

My girl likes a guy with a certain type of look and a certain type of demeanor. Any other dudes she considers suckers and runs over them like a Mack Truck. The worst thing that can happen to you if you like to try to get raps on-the-fly is that the chick isn’t sweating you from the giddyap. Dude was farther than he imagined from getting some and I didn’t figure he had the skillz to overcome his shortcomings relative to what she was looking for. Even more pathetically, she was already tipsy by the time he arrived, which skewed the odds in his favor and I *STILL* wasn’t seeing it! :D Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re not from New York City, and specifically Manhattan, you’re not going to understand what this is a picture of. :)

Manhattan has garbage collection days. They don’t come get the garbage every day. This means that when stores know that the day is coming up, they bring all their garbage bags from the basement and pile them up out on the sidewalk.

Sometimes, it’s only three bags, but it could easily be 10-20 garbage bags making their own little mountain out in the street.

The point is that the garbagemen are going to come get the bags in the wee hours of the morning so that your customers never see a stack of garbage out in front of your restaurant or whatever.

Meanwhile, this is the exact same time that people go out to party here. A lot of times, people don’t even ARRIVE to bars before midnight, and since the bars close around 4:30am, there’s often a correlation between when drunk-ass-people stumble their asses out of a bar and when this mountain of garbage bags is chillin’ outside, waiting to get picked up. Read the rest of this entry »

* The text below is the beginning of the video. If you can’t see the video embedded on this page, click here to watch “Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)” on YouTube. *

Big Willie Pockets

Alright, y’all. New in November, 2009. Today is November 4th and what we’re going to do today is we’re going to talk about Safe Sex, but we’re going to get into some more interesting topics than what you normally hear about.

Now.. Let’s say you’re chillin’, right, so here’s you, you’re hangin’ out. You’re having a good time. You’re Big Willie, You’ve got the big pockets, right? The big BIG pockets. DEEP POCKETS, Money for days…

Now, you’re chillin’ you go to the club and you meet a chick, right? So she’s smiling, like everything’s groovy, so you’re feeling like everything’s groovy too. So you decide, unfortunately for you, not to use safe sex, right? So, next thing you know, BOOM.. waah, waah… there goes like, little kid, you know what I’m saying?

Now, the problem is, here, that first of all, I mean you’re just hoping she’s a cool person, she’s nice and all that stuff, but the problem is, here.. that THESE are now going to get diminished, right? So now we’re going to go get our eraser for your Big Willie pockets, and we’re gonna do this, you know what I’m saying? So NOW, Your pockets look, you know, more like this.. It’s like half of the Big Willie…

Click here to watch the rest of “Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)” on YouTube.

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

I’m not into buying women. I wouldn’t pay a chick one thin dime to spend time with me. Not a dime. I wouldn’t give her a dirty penny that I spotted on the floor and picked up. This is because I know the difference between how it feels to have a gal want to spend time WITH ME vs having a gal around that’s trying to use me to fulfill some type of agenda.

This is why I don’t spend any money in strip clubs. It doesn’t mean anything to me for some chick to spread her legs because I handed her some American currency. *yawn*

It doesn’t mean anything to me for some chick to attempt to pretend to like me. It doesn’t mean anything to me for some chick to pretend she’s sexually attracted to me. This is because I have the real thing, all the time. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s been a lot of talk this week about what a guy should and shouldn’t do when his girl acts up. The majority of people who chimed in said “A man should *never* hit a woman”. Fewer people remarked “If she raises her hands like a man, she should be prepared to get dealt with like a man”. The way I see it… If you even have to THINK about fighting with your “significant other”, you’re dating the wrong person.

Here are my top 5 tips on how to NOT let your girl stress you out:

1) Get more girls

Did you ever notice that every time we hear about some kind of male vs. female violence, it’s always some dude that only has ONE chick? Think about that. When was the last time you heard of a guy that had multiple girlfriends getting into something physical with one of them? Never.

That’s because that guy has CHOICE. He has OPTIONS. If one chick’s trippin’ out, you just don’t talk to her until she gets her mind right. Case closed. *wiping hands* If she doesn’t get her mind right… Who cares? You’re still living the life you want to live, except SHE’S not involved in it.

Guys with one chick can’t afford this “I don’t need her, I’ll let the welfare feed her” mental state. When you remove a gal from the roster, it makes a huge difference whether you’re going from 4 girlfriends to 3 or from 1 girlfriend to 0. Zero Women is a state or condition that you want to avoid at all costs. Women come in handy from time to time, and it’s extremely stressful when you’re like “D-OH! Don’t Got None!”. Read the rest of this entry »

Kay S. Hymowitz posted a very well written, albeit extremely long-winded (which sounds funny coming from me, haha) article entitled “Love in the Time of Darwinism”. It’s a great read, if you’re not in the trenches, experiencing this stuff first-hand. She basically talks about why guys are disgruntled with the dating scene as it stands today.

She also mentions this term I never heard of, called “Menaissance”, which is supposed to be the resurgence of real men after the systematic REMOVAL of real men from American media for years and years and years and years and years.

According to AskMen.com, here are the rules for the new Menaissance:

No more intimidation
Reject sexual blackmail
Keep your wallet closed
Assert yourself
Be nice
Never apologize for being a man
Expect nothing but ultimate respect

ummmmmmmm….. What kind of BULLSHIT is this? You can’t teach cats to be dogs. You can’t teach horses to be humans and you can’t teach non-Alphas to be Alphas. You have it or you don’t. You’re living that life or you’re not. You can’t read an article that tells you to stand up for yourself and suddenly do it, when it doesn’t make sense in YOUR reality.

How is the average joe supposed to “reject sexual blackmail” when all he wants in life is to get laid? How is he supposed to “keep his wallet closed” if shelling out ducats is the only way he gets women to lay down? How is he supposed to assert himself when he’s already been brainwashed that a gentleman is supposed to be gentile? Why should he “never apologize for being a man” when he’s so busy NOT being a man every day of his life? Why should he “expect respect” when he doesn’t COMMAND respect?

Anyway… there IS no “Menaissance”, because the game hasn’t changed AT.ALL. It’s still about “getting girls”, so guys are going to do whatever’s EFFECTIVE for them to get laid, whether that’s paying money, being intimidated, apologizing or being disrespected left and right as long as they can get some.

Kay’s article reminded me of a topic that was brought up to me back on June 11, 2008. I was having a discussion with a woman who suddenly informed me that she read my blog. Obviously, that changed the tone of the discussion, and she ended up asking me something to the effect of why everything I write is confrontational. I meant to write about that but never got around to it.

The best-case-scenario for meeting chicks is mutual attraction. You like her. She likes you. Done deal. That’s all well and good if A) women like you to begin with and B) you live in the sticks, where there’s no competition. Here, in Manhattan, NYC, USA, there’s a high likelihood that a guy who makes exactly one million more dollars than you do every single year is going to kick it to the same chick YOU want. If you have a MetroCard, a guy with a car wants her. If you have a car, the guy with the yacht wants her. If you live in Brooklyn, the guy that lives in SoHo wants her. If you have a job, a guy with a funded startup wants her.

Basically, you have to be loaded for bear if you’re gonna try to pull a chick here, because she has so many guys offering her sex, money and favors that you have to be better than ALL OF THEM to get her to choose you. So that’s the first reason why relations between men and women are confrontational here. Men are at war with each other for the same chicks. If you’re just not “better” than the next man, you have to have tactics that keep you in the game.

The second, and more important reason why relations between men and women are confrontational is that unless and until you convince a woman that she has something invested in her relationship to you, she’s completely unreliable. You can’t count on SHIT that she says, unless she sees you as “her man” or “the one” or whatever she needs to get her mind right to do the right thing.

This becomes immediately obvious to guys as soon as their plans with a woman are disrespected or cancelled at the last minute or not cancelled and she just doesn’t show up, because “who cares?” :D Who cares about YOU? You’re just another wallet. You’re just another opportunity for sex or a roof over her head or food for her kids. Once guys realize this, they have two options… get depressed or get smart.

So that’s the reason why women can’t trust what men say. Nobody’s interested in telling you the truth. They’re interested in getting what they stepped to you for. If a guy tells you he’d rather have a truthful relationship to his woman than have sex with her, he’s lying……….. or she’s busted. :D

One of the more hilarious things about this situation is that WOMEN try to give MEN tips on how to pull women… which usually involves some variation of “Be Yourself”. That’s retarded, because what if “yourself” isn’t good enough? You’re supposed to not get laid because you don’t know which one is the soup spoon? You’re supposed to not get laid because “being yourself” is grabbing her ass and telling her she looks HAWT? :D You’re supposed to not get laid because you’re currently dating 4 other chicks and you ADMIT that to her? Obviously, that’s ridiculous. The advice that women give men benefits WOMEN, not men.

Another problem with the dating scene is that women claim that it’s all about “his heart” and “who he is as a person” and “how he treats her” and then turn around and won’t date a guy that makes less than she does, or a guy that her #*%$ing DOG doesn’t like! :/ When a guy experiences enough of these RETARDED reasons why he can’t get laid, he learns that dating’s like the UFC… You have to take her down (mentally, not physically… stop crying) and you can’t leave it in the hands of the judges.

This is why everything I write is confrontational and about power struggle between men and women. In order to date a chick, you have to fight a war on at least three fronts. You’re fighting against her other suitors (“the next man”), you’re fighting against her own stupid ideas (“my dog doesn’t like him, so…”) and you’re fighting against her nosey girlfriends throwing in their two cents (“you can do better than him!”).

You can’t even relax after you GET her, because the cheating/divorce rates hover around 50%, so only HALF of the guys that go through all the trouble to pull ONE chick get to have her exclusively. Dating is constantly stressful to the guy that understands what time it is. He has to remain on-point and vigilant. He has to maintain his position with her as #1 in order to keep her useful and reliable. The Fellaz know I’m right! :D How USELESS does a chick become right after your relationship is over?

So, yeah. The smart guy does NOT let it go to a decision and leave it in the hands of the judges. He sees what he wants and makes moves to get it. Business is Business. Having said that… running game isn’t for the faint of heart. A lot of guys become MORE depressed about the fact that they have to connive women to have sex with them than they were about the fact that they couldn’t get on in the first place. It’s also potentially depressing how easily women are tricked with bullshit statements like “I love you” and “we’re together” and “I’m not seeing anyone else”……. It’s depressing because you know she doesn’t actually like YOU or know anything about YOU, but by doing some basic and effective tactics, you got what you wanted from her…. or, at least what you THOUGHT you wanted until you actually got it.

~Bill

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ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid’s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. :D Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! :D Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? :( Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. :D They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! :D

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. :D Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha :D The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. :D

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha :D I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. :D

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. :D HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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People are all CRYING about the $150,000 (read: One Hundred and Fifty THOUSAND Dollars) that was reportedly spent by the Republican National Committee to update Sarah Palin’s wardrobe.

Well, it’s clear to The Kid that McCain knows what’s up and that he MUST be subscribed to DatingGenius! :D

Exactly four months ago, I wrote “How To Dress Your Girlfriend”. Had I known what was going on behind the scenes, I would have called it “How To Dress Your Running Mate”, and I would have been on the CNN / Charlie Rose circuit right now.

So, Fellaz… I’m going to let you in on what Presidential hopefuls already know. This is CRITICAL information if you hope to be respected by your male peers and climb social or business ladders! Write this down! Tape it to your refrigerator if you have to! Ready? Here it comes…….

Do.NOT.Let.Your.Girl.Look.Like.A.Bum.

This is INSANELY IMPORTANT, dudes. DO not let your girl look like a bum. Spend money on HER gear before you spend on your own. Do whatever you have to do to hook HER up before hooking up yourself. You need a haircut, and she needs a hairstyle?… SHE gets it. She put on that extra 5 pounds, and doesn’t fit in clothes that used to look HAWT on her?… Buy. Her. Some. More! :D Your social status is COMPLETELY dependent upon this. If a guy’s not doing well, the FIRST indicator is that his girl’s looks start to fall off. Don’t let this happen to YOU! :D

Now, McCain *could* have continued to let her dress like “whatever”. Click here for a gallery of Sarah Palin in her normal gear. This, however, would have been an egregious mishandling of Eye Candy.

It doesn’t matter how cute your girl was or that she was a cheerleader or beauty pageant contestant or newscaster back in the day. If you’re tryinna get in the club, it matters what your girl looks like RIGHT.NOW. :D “Cute” isn’t going to get you in the door. Your chick has to look BANGIN’! so that when you walk up with her, the doormen know you’re “bout-it bout-it” and the velvet rope slides to the side without you having to say ANYTHING to them. Guys can and WILL judge you by how your chick looks, so keep her up to par, even if you have to spend a hunnid-fitty Gs of the RNC’s money! :D

Now THAT’S Pimpin’! :D

Now, in this particular case, it was extra-important for McCain to shell out the ducats. In most cases, a chick’s entire job description when you go out in public is “Look Good”. Period. You normally don’t have to worry about her being actually involved in the conversation you’re having with your boys, much less someone interviewing her or her actually having to DEBATE anyone on public television. Under these special circumstances, you want the takeaway for people to be “DAMN, She looked GOOD, didn’t she? :D ” as opposed to actually paying attention to what she said. I mean, if you were going to go the “pay attention to what she said” route, you would have selected a more qualified and less attractive female from the giddyap, right? :D

Now… As I was discussing “How To Dress Your Girlfriend” with my friend Michelle’s friend Jennifer, she crinkled up her nose and goes “Why don’t you dress YOURSELF, *FIRST*?” hahahaha :D Now, this is a legitimate question. The answer is:

I don’t have to.

It’s not the guy’s job to look good. It’s the guy’s job to make sure HIS GIRL looks good. You think I’m kidding? Look around? How many guys do you see get out of Porches looking bummy? They know they don’t have to dress up, because chicks (of a certain calibre) are going to sweat their car. Look at the “couples” you see walking around town. How many times have you seen bummy dudes with chicks “dressed to the nines”? Uh-huh. It is NOT a guy’s JOB to look good.

Even if it was, guys in general have no particular shape. All you have to do to make a guy “look good” is put a suit on him that hides his pot belly. Done deal. *yawn*. So you’re not going to hear about a hunnid-fitty Gs spent on Obama’s gear or McCain’s gear. Dressing women is like touching up art. You can’t just throw *anything* on them, because you might be SUBTRACTING from their natural beauty instead of ADDING to it.

So this is why McCain did the right thing by hookin’ a sistahs wardrobe UP! :D First of all, McCain already HAS a suit…

So, you’re not going to be able to dress him up any more than that. Spend the “hook a brotha UP!” budget on the person you’d RATHER have people looking at… Sarah Palin.

Now… Let’s say they had gone the other route. Let’s say that the RNC spent a hunnid-fitty Gs on McCAIN’S GEAR and left Palin dressing “regular”:

That would have been an INCREDIBLE error, because you’re not going to make McCain look any better, regardless of how much money you spend. With Palin, however, the sky’s the limit! :D

People are already speculating about her career path in case Obama becomes the President of the United States of America. They’re thinking she could have her own talk show. They have all this celebrity stuff planned for her. This is because the RNC did what they had to do and upped the ducats to make her look PROPPAH for the cameras! Nice work! :D

So that’s the deal, fellaz… “As goes your girl… There goes your social life”. You can look as FLY as you want, show up to the club with a bummy chick and NOT get in. OTOH, you can spend those ducats, make sure your girl’s looking HAWT, and people will see you as a man of respect who handles his business and keeps his woman satisfied.

We’ll find out on November 4, 2008 whether it’s enough to get you elected PRESIDENT!!! :D

~Bill

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A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! :(

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! :D

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. :(

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! :(

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha :D Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! :(
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! :D

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! :D

~Bill

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