Bill Cammack

ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid‘s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. :D Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! :D Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? :( Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. :D They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! :D

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. :D Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha :D The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. :D

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha :D I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. :D

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. :D HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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People are all CRYING about the $150,000 (read: One Hundred and Fifty THOUSAND Dollars) that was reportedly spent by the Republican National Committee to update Sarah Palin’s wardrobe.

Well, it’s clear to The Kid that McCain knows what’s up and that he MUST be subscribed to DatingGenius! :D Read the rest of this entry »

A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! :(

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! :D

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. :(

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! :(

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha :D Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! :(
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! :D

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! :D

~Bill

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“Never argue with a woman” is advice that’s been handed down from men to boys from generation to generation. This is because guys never figured out how to WIN the arguments. Well… The Kid‘s about to let you in on Secret Tip #1 on how to improve your success when you’re mentally jousting with a female! :D

I was reading Jess’ article, “On Pornography, Feminism and Women’s Desires”, and she says:

Jess: “Half the porn I watch strikes me as gross and vaguely disturbing because it is made by men for men.”

See that? This is the same problem that guys have when they’re discussing stuff with chicks. They act like they’re talking to another guy. Stop it. Your style, delivery and focus are as obvious as pornography is to a feminist.

If you think about that….. Porno is obviously made BY guys FOR guys. If it were made for women, the chicks in the movies wouldn’t be portrayed as vapid, brainless and only good for their looks, T&A, or because they’ll do stuff on camera that your current girlfriend won’t let you do to her IRL.

hmm… I think I’ll have to get into that sometime…… um… the CONVERSATION… not Pornography for Women! :D

Anywayyyyyyy…..

The point is… Arguing with a chick as if she’s a guy is just as useful as trying to make her feel sexy by sitting her down in front of a movie where the guy’s some HERO who bangs like 8 chicks in 25 minutes and all you hear from the females is “yes”, “uh-huh” and “PLEASE!”. You’re making things tougher for yourself rather than easier. Stop.

What you NEED to do is realize that women have special needs… such as feeling unique and feeling respected. You’ll notice that I didn’t say BEING unique and BEING respected. :)

BEING unique is demonstrating that she speaks five languages and has a PhD in physics, or she thinks up great business plans or philosophies, or that she’s an athlete or a stuntwoman…

FEELING unique is when you’re at the club and the DJ yells “THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR IF YOU’RE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN”, and regardless of whether she’s successful at ANYTHING IN LIFE or not, every single chick starts screaming as if she’s the CEO of some successful startup, when in reality, she’s the CFO at McDonald’s.

Chief Fry Officer.

So that brings us to honorable Secret Tip #1 for arguing with women:

Make her FEEL LIKE she won the argument. :D

See that? See how simple? :D Just like the DJ ‘made’ that minimum wage burger-flipper feel special for that moment in time… that’s your goal when you’re arguing with a woman. Do whatever you were planning to do in the first place, but make sure she FEELS loved and FEELS respected and FEELS listened to by the end of the argument. Also, do what you can to make her believe that what you were going to do in the first place and never planned to change regardless of what she said is actually HER idea that SHE came up with during the argument! Bonus Points if you can pull THAT ONE off! :D

For example… Let’s say you play a whole hell of a lot of video games, and it’s getting on your girl’s nerves that you won’t waste an hour and a half watching “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” with her. Um… #*&% THAT! :D

So, Boom… Now she’s mad, and the argument jumps off. What YOU do… as an idiot (don’t feel sad… you’re not the only one), is you start arguing with her as if she’s a guy… DEFENDING your right to play video games. It’s your time and your money. You put the food on the table (unless you took Bill C.‘s advice last year and Married Rich!… in which case, you need to HOP-TO and stop wasting time reading my blog when you *NEED* to start cooking her dinner for when she gets home from work! :D ). You do chick-stuff with her, so now it’s time for some guy-stuff for YOU, and it’s time for her to bug off and mind her own business….. Oh… and… “Don’t let the door hit her where the Good Lord split her”.

So instead of that, argue with her as if she’s a woman. She doesn’t CARE that you’re playing video games. She CARES that you’re not paying attention TO HER. She CARES that she’s not “better” than HALO or SOCOM. She’s UPSET that you’re CHEATING ON HER with video games! :O

And this turns out to be the key to winning your argument. :D

Instead of defending your right to do what YOU want to do WHEN you want to do it… Make her aware that there are lots of guys that DON’T play video games for hours. What are they DOING for hours? Who Knows? :D CERTAINLY, their girlfriends or wives don’t know…… hehehe. ALLLLL of a sudden, your girl starts to see the merit in having you right there in the crib where she can see you. You’re not taking phone calls. You’re not texting a bunch of other chicks to meet you at the happy hour. You’re not screwing her sister. Playing video games is actually a testament to the strength of your relationship and how committed you are TO HER!

CHA-CHINGGGGGG! :D

You win the argument, because you keep playing your games, like you were going to do ANY OLD WAY… She wins the argument, because she feels better about herself as a person and she feels better about her relationship to you… AND you got the bonus points because NOW she feels like having you at home playing video games while she brings you brews is in HER best interest.

So now that you’ve handled your business PROPERLY, Not ONLY is she no longer mad about what she had claimed to be mad about before, but next thing you know, she bought you that new steering wheel and racing game that she knows you don’t already have… or even better… She’s bought herself the same system so she can put on HER headset, grab HER brew and make herself useful on the battlefield! YA HEARD??? :D

DatingGenius

Now I know that this post I came across is supposed to be humorous… as are some DatingGenius posts… but I think it’s excellent as a case study, so let’s take a quick look at Tristan Miller’s post from 1999, entitled “Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend”. Basically, Tristan’s breaking down the problem mathematically:

Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5,592,830,000
…who are female: 2,941,118,000
…in “developed” countries: 605,601,000
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65,399,083
…who are beautiful: 1,487,838
…and intelligent: 236,053
…and not already committed: 118,027
…and also might like me: 18,726

MAN, do I love this article! :D I could read it every day! :D hahaha

Clearly, here’s the problem, as mentioned in the endnotes & references for the article:

2. ↑ After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions.

As I mentioned in “Life Isn’t Fair”, all guys are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend. We also aren’t all lucky enough to live in New York City, where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a chick. So, it’s possible that due to the combination of a lack of available females and a lack of your being better than the next man (who always pulls the fly chicks before you do), that you find yourself in a similar situation, where it seems like there’s no way out. However… There’s CERTAINLY a way around this problem. All you have to do is…

That’s it! Problem solved! :D All of a sudden, there are hundreds… THOUSANDS of chicks newly available to you, and you get to pass your genes into the next generation! :D

Here are five (5) tips on how to enhance your dating life by lowering your standards. Apply any one of these tips and watch your “dance card” fill up! :) ***NOTE*** Only apply ONE of these tips at a time! :O Combining two or more of them has been known to lead to severe depression as well as plummeting self-esteem.

1. Consider dating girls that do not have an ass.

Yes. I know. I know. :( This is amazingly drastic, and I really should have saved it for last, but since most people can’t read, I wanted to get it out on the table before they click away to some stupid video about Monster Trucks. This is really… I mean… You DON’T want to do this, but if you really find yourself on the bottom of the totem pole, where fewer than 20,000 chicks on the planet would want to date you, it’s time to pull out the stops. So that’s tip #1. Date her even though she doesn’t have an ass. This will IMMEDIATELY double your dating options… unless you live in Boston, which means your options quadruple.

***NOTE*** Only try this tip with girls that are really, really, really, REALLY CUTE, so at least you enjoy looking at them from the front. :D

2. Consider dating girls that are grossly out of shape.

This society has a really stupid policy of not differentiating between girls that happen to be thicker than other girls, yet are still in proper shape/proportion… and chicks that are actually obese. A chick that’s heavier but still shapely can still be physically attractive. The problems occur when you’re scratching your head like “hmm… that’s not supposed to curve in that direction :( “. However, as the saying goes… “Beggars can’t be Choosers”, so you might have to take one for the team this time. Think of it this way… You don’t have to worry about guys kicking it to your girl at the restaurant when you step off to the bathroom.

This is especially useful if YOU aren’t in good shape. I mean, “fair’s fair”, right? :)

3. Consider dating a facially unattractive chick.

This is a REALLY BAD IDEA unless people tend to grow on you… and FAST! Being that this isn’t the Middle East, you’re going to have a really hard time convincing her to cover her entire face, except for her eyes.

image from “Fashion Freedom – Women’s Wear in the Middle East”

Fortunately, those large, gaudy sunglasses are in style now, so you can probably get over by making sure she wears the biggest shades you can find… well, at least until Summer’s over.

Also, you’ll need to practice getting around your crib in the dark so you don’t have to turn on the lights when she comes over.

Again, this is a REALLY bad idea, and usually completely unsustainable unless she has a totally bangin’ body, so let’s just forget about this one unless you need it for a REALLY rainy day.

4. Consider dating a complete imbecile.

I know. I know… You’re wondering “Now.. How am I supposed to know she’s an idiot?”. Well… You’re going to have to actually talk to her… and then, when you’re finished talking, you have to actually LISTEN to her response and check to see if what she said makes any sense. Now, normally, when you find out she’s a dummy, it’s like “…gave her a token and said ‘Shalom’!” (Shalom, being a word in Hebrew that means “Peace”, which is U.S. slang for “GOOD-BYE!” :D ) But, let’s not be hasty. Let’s consider the upside to dating a chick with an IQ in the double-digits.

You don’t have to be very intelligent to outsmart her.
She’s likely to forget that she did the dishes last night and do them again tonight.
She’ll let her sister stay over your house while she works the night shift @ the bowling alley.

hmm… That’s about it. :( Generally, dumb chicks are more trouble than they’re worth.

5. Consider dating girls that do not like you.

Guys do this all the time. All you need is a fancy car or a yacht or something. Just get something she can’t afford, and she’ll hang out with you so she can be seen in and around your property. :)

***NOTE*** With chicks like this, be sure to keep your Condom Game tight… Other guys own stuff, too.

DatingGenius

I had an interesting conversation last night with a few of the ladies @ this party I went to. It jumped off, because one of them said she should hire a stylist (which is going to be The Kid’s new venture, right after I finish writing this post). Unfortunately for her, she had mentioned earlier in conversation that she had a boyfriend. So I immediately replied:

“Your boyfriend’s supposed to be your stylist.”

She immediately dropped back into this “what’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” pose and was looking at me with this funny expression, so I was like AWWWWW HEEEEERE WE *GO*!!! :D

Her general position was that guys can’t dress girls. I was like “of course they can, because we know what looks good on you and what doesn’t”, to which she replied:

“Men know what looks good on women, but they don’t know WHY it looks good.”

So I stood there for a few seconds, waiting for her to say something that made sense.

…….

That didn’t happen. :)

Here’s the problem with her statement… Looking good is not OBjective, it’s SUBjective. You feel a certain way when you see something that looks good. A painting, a chick, architecture, whatever. Also, what looks good to one person doesn’t necessarily look good to someone else. So… The fact THAT something looks good is way more important than the reason WHY it looks good.

Stephanie Frasco & Bill Cammack

I’m sure you could ask a guy WHY some article of clothing looks good on a chick. You probably won’t get a response for a while, because auxiliary power has been switched to 1) looking, 2) thinking about what he’s looking at and 3) continuing to stand up straight instead of falling over. After that, he may or may not be able to give you a technical description of WHY that item looks good on her, but the fact remains that “WHY” doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he receives the proper physical stimulus from checking her out. :)

So anyway, I tried to inform her that she didn’t know what she was talking about. I think the next thing I asked was:

“So your man doesn’t buy clothes for you?”

Same “what’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” pose + weirdo stare. :) That’s when The Kid realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this as a one-on-one conversation and opened the floor to some nearby females. At least there was a range of responses. One said that her man bought clothes for her, but then equated that to him being domineering and posessive. Another one agreed with the first one, that men can’t buy clothes for women. A third one said that she had been with a guy who would buy her clothes sporadically. Needless to say, this had ZERO effect on the original gal’s perspective, which is why, as of today, I am now a personal shopper…. or shopping assistant….. or whatever the title is of people that get paid to tell people what to wear, hahaha :D

As my first oficial act of … hmm. I guess this makes me ShoppingGenius! :D

As my first official act as ShoppingGenius, I will now inform the fellaz on how to dress your girlfriends…..

First of all, the most important thing is knowing how SHE likes to dress in the first place. This is important because you want her to WEAR what you buy for her. If she likes to dress like a dude, don’t pick up a sun dress for her. If she likes to dress like Little House on the Prarie, don’t buy her modern clothing. You have to find out what your parameters are, and then select appealing gear inside that range.

Second, you have to know her size. This is important because you want her to be ABLE TO WEAR what you buy for her. :) Being that she’s your girlfriend, at some point in time, you should have access to her clothes when they’re not attached to her body. Write down her measurements, or twitter them to yourself. Make sure you do this while she’s asleep or in the shower. You know how chicks get with hallucinating about their actual size, or at least lying TO YOU about what it is. This is why you’re not going to ASK HER what her sizes are. She’ll give you the sizes she wishes she was, and not the sizes of clothes she can actually fit in. This reminds me… use your judgement. If your girl loves to stuff herself in jeans, creating unnecessary Muffin-Tops, make sure you increase the value of the sizes you retrieved from her gear.

Also, buying clothes for chicks is seasonal. If you go out with one for an entire year, you’ll notice they tend to get more and less “liquid”. This is, of course, unless they actually diligently monitor their physical condition, which is optimal! :D Anyway, you have to know where your girl currently is with her volume fluctuation. VOLUME is the key thing here, not weight, which is why it’s so funny that chicks always talk about “I need to lose 5 pounds” “I need to lose 10 pounds”, when who cares how much you weigh, when you don’t LOOK any better? So make sure you err on the high side of her volume, or else she’ll only be able to wear the gear in like three month cycles.

Now, you might be wondering… “Why in the hell would *I* want to dress my chick?” :) Well… Why did you buy that fancy car? Why do you work your ass off all day to get some money? Why did you go to the gym to work off all that beer that you drank? The same way you’re hooking YOURSELF up, you should be hooking YOUR GIRL up. There are a few reasons for this…

Women tend to confuse “a clothing item which looks cute” with “a clothing item which looks cute ON THEM”. How many times have you seen/heard women compliment another woman that looks absolutely HORRENDOUS in some gear that doesn’t fit her? It’s not that they’re being polite. They actually believe it looks good, I guess because of the colors or the fabric? \o/ … If your girl has this problem, you need to help her out with her clothing selection.

Did you ever notice how Presidential candidates are always married? This is because (amongst OTHER reasons, hahahahaha) guys are judged by their chicks. If you Pair Bond with a chick, you’re saying “this is the best I can do”. Having your chick look better, rather than worse, is ALWAYS in your best interest.

On a personal note, you want your girl to look good because she should ALWAYS catalyze you to think/feel “Yes, Yes… Yes Sir… Cain’t wait to tap that, sunnnnnnn :D “. If you let your girl walk around like a slovenly hippie bum, she’s not going to inspire you… causing you to interact with her more platonically than you’re supposed to and your entire physical relationship to her is less efficient/effective than it should be. The better SHE looks, the more into her YOU’RE going to be, and the more SHE’S going to be into how into her YOU are.

One more thing is, you don’t want to overdo it hahaha :) You’re buying her clothes to go out in the street in, not to model for you in your own crib (which is another issue, entirely). You want her to look good, but not like a professional hooker. Actually… if SHE tends to overdo her gear, buy her some conservative clothing that still looks hawt on her. The first benefit here is that if your girl looks too good, drunk dudes tend to act like AssHats and you might get in a beef over it. Second, you don’t want to tip the “fail scale” and go from “damn… his girl looks HAWT!” to “I know he’s paying her” (as in, he’s a customer). Third, you want it to be gear that she’s comfortable wearing, and some chicks just aren’t comfortable with how attractive they really are.

So now you’re ready. Sneak her measurements. Add at least +2 to all of them. Hit stores that are along the lines of gear she likes to wear, except buy GOOD-LOOKING ish. Surprise her with her presents, then go sport your new & improved chick around town.

PS – You do NOT want to tell her HOW you were able to buy clothes for her that fit perfectly. Make up something romantic like “baby, I’ve held you so many times, I just knew…. :D ”

So go out there and make it happen. Remember…

DiY, or your girl’s going to pay me YOUR MONEY to do your job for you. :D

ShoppingGenius