Politically Correct (PC) expression is one of the recent fads. People love to choose something to do and then hop on the bandwagon. While all the drones are enjoying it, I find myself increasingly disgusted at having to extract what people actually feel from between the lines of what they’re willing to say.

Challenges

I have no idea when this PC stuff started or whose fault it is. Basically, how it works is that people have agreed to translate what they would normally say into different words, and that’s supposed to make people feel better about themselves and feel as if people respect them.

For example, I’m not the shortest person in creation, but I’m not tall either. I’m 5′9″. Someone that’s 6′4″ that’s talking about me on the other side of the room might be inclined to say “That short guy over there”. Assuming that I felt poorly about myself for someone stating THE FACT that they’re considerably taller than I am, it’s supposed to make me feel better about myself if that same guy says “That VERTICALLY-CHALLENGED guy over there”. :/

Really? :/

I suppose they think people are too stupid to translate in reverse.

Bums

I think the first time I became aware of this was when Bums became Homeless.

When I was growing up, we had regular people and then we had Bums. I suppose, in my ignorant mind, I assumed that they were bums by choice, electing not to get jobs and instead, hang out on the street and scowl at the kids on our way to elementary school. It made perfect sense to me at the time. Why get a job and pay rent when you can sleep right there on 96th street in between Park and Lexington for free?

Eventually, Giuliani arrived and all of our bums disappeared into thin air.

Many years later, I heard some guy being ‘corrected’ when they said “Bum” by some chick that said “You mean ‘Homeless’”. The male drone apologized and corrected himself and went on with what he was saying. Meanwhile, I was standing there wondering HOW IN THE HELL this chick knew that that homeless guy wasn’t a bum. :/ There are homeless people that are not bums and there are bums that are not homeless. There are bums that live indoors and have several kids.. They’re STILL *BUMS*.

Flip-Flops

Here in New York City, we have snow. We also have women (and certain “males of the species”) that will wear flip-flops in freezing cold weather. No protection from any of the elements OR physical injury, and there they go, walking down the street like psycho ward patients that just took their meds. Ignorance is bliss.

What you’re thinking when you see this is “That ***** is an idiot”. What you SAY to the gal you’re talking to, whom you figure is equally retarded, is “Are those still in style? Shouldn’t she be wearing Uggs, like the OTHER 99% of you NYC females?”

So you end up SAYING something different from what you’re FEELING, which doesn’t help anyone. When that chick you were talking to shows up to your next hangout in flip-flops, you spend the entire time quietly seething about what an IDIOT she is while she’s thinking she looks cute and trendy.

This is all YOUR fault. If you had said what you thought about the situation, she could have made an educated decision, which is to wear proper winter footwear in the winter or be considered an idiot. She could still wear her “cute”, trendy, “shoes” to your hangout, but she’d already know how you’re going to perceive her if she does.

Relationships

And then, people want to claim to be in relationships with each other when neither one brings what they’re honestly thinking to the table. How can you possibly believe you’re in a relationship with someone that isn’t willing to authentically communicate with you?

Gal: Are you ******* any other women?
Guy (PC): Nope.
Guy (Reality): At least 14.. Mostly waitresses, but some of them paid professionals

Guy: Are you dating me for my money?
Gal (PC): Nope
Gal (Reality): If this mother****** goes broke, I’m SWAYZE! [For the slang-impaired.. Swayze means "Leaving" because Patrick Swayze starred in a movie called "Ghost", therefore, "I'm Swayze" => "I'm Ghost" => "You can't see me" => "I left (am leaving)"]

Negroes

A while back, some politician got in trouble for using the term Negro. There were other philosophical reasons people were upset at him, but focusing on the terminology, the dude that said that was at least 9,000 years old. When he was coming up, “Negro” was probably the CURRENTLY-ACCEPTABLE TERM. He probably said something different back when he was a kid and Moses corrected him just before he parted the Red Sea.

I think this is my major issue with PC stuff. You’re asking people to adopt an entirely new set of words that you’ve either co-opted or made up out of thin air and if they don’t get with the program, you jump up and down on them. Just because YOU decided something’s right, or even THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE decided something’s right (e.g. Nazi Germany) doesn’t mean that everyone on the planet has to agree with you and fall in line.

I use the term “chicks” a lot.. A LOT. :) If you don’t like it, it sucks to be you. Sometimes, I say “women”, which basically translates to “older chicks” and sometimes, I say “girls” which translates to “younger chicks”, but it’s all the same to me. Sometimes, I say “ladies” or “gals”, but if I’m flowin’ live and we’re discussing relationships IRL over some brews, any time I need to express “female of the species”, I’m 99.687% likely to say “chicks”.

I don’t give a flying **** whether the country decides to adopt “Women” and “Young Women” as the only two categories for females. **** You. I’m not interested. Save it for David. When I mention “Negroes”, I say “Black”. That’s what I grew up with and where my mind naturally goes. “African-American” doesn’t make any sense to me. I’ve been blogging for four years now and there’s only one instance of that term on my site, which comes from A QUOTE that I pulled from a friend’s site when I was writing an article based on her article. I don’t use the term, personally. Any time I hear it, I mentally translate it to “Black”.

Inauthentic Communication

I think the basic danger of PC-Speak is that it’s a cover. It’s a front. It’s not what you’d say to a close friend of yours who understands you and how you think. This lulls people into a false sense of security because they actually BELIEVE that other people believe what they’re saying and then Act As If everyone’s on the same page.

I block out [most]curses when I blog. This is because I have no control over my audience. Most of my traffic comes from Google searches, and it could be kids or grandmothers or whatever, so I keep the language middle-of-the-road unless I need to curse to express myself correctly. Meanwhile, people that actually hang out with me know that any sentence I say might include a gratuitous curse word. :D haha Instead of “What an idiot”, I just really enjoy saying “What a ******* idiot!”.

It actually works in reverse as well. As soon as you’re willing to go against the grain, people assume that that’s the experience they’re going to receive when they hang out with you in person. When chicks read articles where dudes call chicks “chicks”, they get all feminist about it and go “Incorrigible! I’d *NEVER* date HIM! :(“, which always becomes “Famous Last Words” when they meet The Kid in person and realize that the IRL experience is different from the text experience. ;)

especially if they’re foyine!!! :P~~~

Anyway… It’s completely retarded. Whether you call someone “Commitment-Challenged” or “A Player” we STILL know what you’re talking about. I’m not “Vertically Challenged”. There’s no challenge. I won’t be getting any taller than 5′9″ :D If I’m short to you, that’s just my lousy luck.

Meanwhile, your height advantage won’t help you prevent me from borrowing your girlfriend.

Related Posts

• Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]
• Do guys really care how chicks look?
• How To Throw A Party
• Target Assessment (Dating)
• Why Chicks Dig “Twilight”

One of the reasons I really enjoyed MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is that they finally showed the lifestyle of what I call “Hunters”. Pauly & Mike were hunters, at least at the time that show was taped. They were down for the game. Fresh (new) chicks every night. They had a couple of repeat chicks, but for the most part, they were struggling to see what they could do every day and that’s what hunting’s all about.

Hunting isn’t for everybody. A lot of guys are looking to land the best chick they can get and retire. That’s what Ronnie did. He definitely COULD have hunted if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to. :D He sold out for the guaranteed daily lay with a chick that floated his boat and there’s nothing wrong with THAT! :D ‘Matter of fact, it looked like Mike was hating himself for having his hands on Sammi first and blowing it by pulling more random chicks to hop in the hot tub and make out. Had he realized his error earlier, it might have been “The Situation” that sold out and Ronnie & Pauly hunting.

Vinny didn’t do much of anything extraordinary. He pulled this old chick that his landlord/boss had been trying to kick it to and he pulled Mike’s sister after Mike HELPED VINNY by introducing them. Throughout the show, Vinny was the balance for the guys, bringing the “nice guy” and “voice of reason” vibe to the group.

Distract The DUFF

One of the best parts of the show was when Pauly & Mike are standing outside a club figuring out their prospects for the evening. They had been in it to win it but didn’t come up with anything satisfying to both of them, so Pauly agreed to take one for the team and assist Mike in getting on with this chick he liked.

Pauly’s job was to distract the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend), which they referred to as a “Grenade”. The idea is basically that the chick was a grenade someone threw and Pauly was willing to fall on it to save Mike. hahaha oh man. :D

In case you’re not aware of what Mike needed saving from, it’s called CockBlocking. It’s when someone sees that you’re about to get laid or whatever and deliberately messes up your action. If Pauly hadn’t gone with Mike to invite the two girls back to the crib, Mike wouldn’t have been able to extract the one girl by herself = no sex. By Pauly talking to the DUFF, which he said ahead of time that he wasn’t interested in messing with AT ALL, it gave her HOPE that she might hook up with a guy she liked. That’s really all you need to extract girls from situations.. Give them all HOPE that they’re all going to have a good time.

Without that hope, she’s going to hate. She’s going to hate on Mike for trying to get laid and she’s going to hate on her girlfriend for being more attractive than she is and always getting the offers & attention. It’s in her best interest to destroy Mike’s rap, which means she’s a grenade.

If you’re going to help your boy out and distract the extra chick, it’s your boy’s job to make it ******* SNAPPY and get on as soon as possible. He should know that you would rather be watching television, playing foosball, drunk-dialing some chick you actually want to kick it with or just plain BEING ASLEEP rather than wasting time distracting the DUFF, so he should be courteous and hurry the **** up with makin’ it happen.

That’s not what Mike did. Apparently, he was too drunk to recognize the situation and he was playing it as if Pauly had a girl he was trying to hook up with, which would have meant they had all night to get on. Meanwhile, the chick got on Pauly’s nerves to the point where he just flat-left and the grenade ended up blowing up Mike’s rap and extracting her girlfriend when Mike already had her in bed. :D *BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM*!!! HAHAHA :D

Wingman Courtesy

Pauly was completely within his rights to leave Mike with both chicks. Mike was at fault for having a slow-ass rap. I know how it feels to be on wingman/DUFF duty and time moves SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY. I mean it takes FOR-EV-VER for your boy to finish up and hit the bathroom so you can finally BOUNCE (assuming you don’t live there). In the meantime, you’re at your wits’ END trying to keep this chick amused without tipping your hand that you’re trying to keep her amused. You have to act interested in her or else she’s going to figure out what’s going on and barge in while your boy’s tagging up and ruin the entire experience for him.

I didn’t mind wasting my time because my boy was already hooking up. I was just making sure he didn’t get interrupted. Mike took so long to get to the nitty-gritty that Pauly broke out before Mike even CONSIDERED extracting his chick to a private room. If that had been how I was feeling, I would have told my boy to use it or lose it and he would have had to do two-minute-drill to get his girl alone or I would have been out.

Other than that.. Just like they advised in “Top Gun”, Never Leave Your Wingman. If you can’t get on, at least you can get the assist. Of course, sudden opportunities sometimes arise where you’re getting attention from a chick you actually want, in which case you should inform your boy that you’re going to peel off to see about the other chick and he’s going to have to deal with the grenade until you get back… IF you get back! ;)

Team Selection

Another important issue is that you have to be somewhat matched up with your wingman. By that, I mean that y’all have to have approximately the same vibe, even if one of you is superior to the other one in a bunch of stuff.

Like, let’s say it would have been Mike and Vinny instead of Mike and Pauly… Mike might not have gotten to extract his chick at all because the DUFF might not have considered Vinny her type and she would have vetoed the action from the giddyap.

Unfortunately, types change from venue to venue. A dude might make an excellent wingman in a ghetto bar and be an absolute liability in a wine bar. You have to know where you’re going when you’re assembling your team. For Seaside Heights, Ronnie, Pauly & Mike could have cleaned up.. Vinny, not so much.

Also, even if your boy has the look, he has to have the right demeanor. You really can’t afford to have your props dragged down into oblivion because your boy is all thirsty and drooling over chicks. When I’m hunting, I like to play the wall and scope out the action. You have to figure out which chicks are kickin’ it with or might have arrived with which guys, which chicks are crowded together in a defensive huddle, which guys are scheming on chicks they haven’t met yet, etc.

You won’t see me on the dance floor because I didn’t come to the party to dance with chicks. That’s a waste of my time. That’s the cheap win. If they ask *ME*, then yeah, I’ll dance with them, but you’re not gonna see me hovering around the dance floor like a vulture trying to rub up on some chick’s ass. You look thirsty and cheap and the chicks figure you for a “mark”, meaning some Herb they can get free drinks off of because you’re hoping to land a number or extraction from them at the end of the evening. I’ll be right on the side, checking my email, texts, foursquare & gowalla for whatever other action’s going on in case this place is lame.

The problem is.. If your boy’s not on the same vibe, it really doesn’t matter how cool you are. He’s going to hustle on over to the chicks and start playing himself and buying drinks and then come back over to you, making you look needy and thirsty right along with him because birds of a feather flock together… Next thing you know, you have chicks tryin’na bum drinks offa you that you’ve never spoken to before in life! :D

Communication

If you’re gonna work with a guy in pulling chicks, communication is entirely and absolutely essential. You need to be able to signal important information like “Go away”, “Go away and take that chick with you”, “Come get this extra chick off of me”, “Come here”, “Call me away from these chicks”, “This isn’t working”, “Switch girls”, “Check out those chicks over there”, “Did you see her ass??? :O”, “Got one! :D” and “Let’s get out of here” without the chicks noticing what’s going on.

You normally want to do this with eye contact and hand gestures that mean something to you and your wingman but don’t mean anything to anyone else. At this point, you can also use texting, except that a guy looks rude checking and sending texts while he’s having a conversation with a gal.

If you don’t have your communication game tight, expect NOTHING from a guy you’re hanging out with as far as helping you rap to chicks. Nothing. There’s no reason he should know what you’re trying to do or what you want HIM to do if you don’t explicitly inform him.

Follow The Leader

You also both have to have equal status as far as vetoing situations. When two guys are hanging out, one guy doesn’t become the wingman until the other guy gets a rap. If your boy kicks it to a chick and you just can’t see yourself falling on the particular grenade she’s with, pull him to the side and let him know that he has about five minutes to get some kind of contact information for this chick because you’re about to break North, regardless. There’s no reason why you should waste your evening because your boy wasn’t courteous enough to kick it to a chick that had good-looking friends for you.

Unfortunately, this is also a function of Team Selection. If you don’t have a properly-balanced team, you end up with leaders and followers instead of a squad of relative equals. In that case, you don’t want to follow the followers and you don’t want the followers attempting to lead the leaders. Everybody needs to play their position so the night runs as smoothly as possible.

The optimum situation is that both sets of guys & gals that got paired up are into each other and everybody’s looking forward to a good evening. If one of the fellaz has to take as short, so be it. Your boy *SHOULD* look out for you next time, actually even attempting to HELP YOU pull the hotter chick because he owes you from last time. However, if worse comes to worse, Like Clint Eastwood said, “A Man’s Gotsta Know His Limitations!” :D

Related Posts

• Target Assessment (Dating)
• That’s OK… My Dog Doesn’t Speak EITHER!
• Sexual Tension
• Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages
• Making Friends vs. Getting Laid

A lot of guys make the game harder on themselves because they never developed any skills at Target Assessment.

Wherever you are is a location. That location has several features. It will also have a static or changing amount of women in it.

If you’re not aware of your surroundings, you’re going to waste a lot of energy kickin’ it to chicks that aren’t interested or aren’t available. You’re also going to waste a lot of time that would be better spent finding a new spot to hunt in.

Maybe you like going to a lounge because there are a lot of girls there. Where are they, really? They’re sitting on couches and they never get up. The waitress brings them their drinks and they sit there the whole time commiserating with each other and never getting up to mingle and meet guys. The numbers are there, but not the opportunity. Maybe you’d be better off in a dive bar that doesn’t HAVE any booths where the chicks have to be standing around with the general population so you can make your way over and see what you can do.

Maybe you’re in a restaurant with a bar and you and your boys have foolishly accepted a table FAR AWAY from the flow of chicks. Now, if you see something you like, you have to get up and obviously walk over as the chick and her friends LITERALLY see you coming. :/ Maybe you should have all sat at the bar and ordered food there so you could be in the mix when the gals arrived.

Maybe you went to a spot where you’re not the type of guy that’s in demand there. Save yourself the trouble and find somewhere that women go to look for someone “of your type”. Unfortunately, even if a chick wants to talk to you, she might skip it so that she doesn’t look out of sync with the regulars.

Maybe you went to a spot where mostly guys go (like a cigar bar) and there’s some horrible ratio like one chick for every nine guys. Go find a spot that has music or food or karaoke or something that chicks like to do and put yourself automatically in the minority instead of the majority.

Back-Seat Driving

I started thinking about this because I normally make my own plans. Except for in rare cases, my plans always involve at least one female that I’m bringing with me. I made a plan to hang out with the fellaz the other day, so I had the rare experience of not being able to regulate where I was and how long I was there.

That didn’t matter at first, because my main point was catching up with my friends and having a bunch of laughs, haha which we most certainly DID!!! :D Eventually, since we were making so much noise, as usual, I became aware that chicks were checkin’ us out, not necessarily because they wanted to rap to us, it’s just that we had their attention.

At that time, we happened to be in PERFECT position for that particular establishment. We had our drinks. We had Real Estate (table, chairs). We were standing right along the flow where the chicks had to exit & enter the place. We were right near the bar for refills as well as a reason for chicks to have to place themselves near us. We couldn’t have picked a better spot for the way that place was laid out.

The only potential issue was that the lighting was relatively bright, which is good for long-distance game, since the chicks can see you from across the room, but it’s bad because chicks are aware that if they’re rapping to you, EEEEEVERYBODY’S going to see it, so they’re less likely to come over than if the lights had been dim.

Another ‘problem’ was that there was a certain type of chick that was going to show up there. That’s fantastic if that’s what you’re into and horrible if they’re not your type. I already knew this when we made the plan to meet up there and I wasn’t worried about it since I was going entirely to catch up with my homeboys. I’m just mentioning it for general tactical considerations. Like, if you don’t want to meet rich, old chicks don’t hang out at the bar in the Waldorf Astoria. If you don’t want to meet women with jobs, don’t hang out for happy hour in the financial district.

The next thing that happened was what really prompted me to write this. Being that we already had position, the best tactical move (had the plan of the evening been to hang out with chicks, which it wasn’t) would have been to move to a BETTER location or stay where we were. Unfortunately, we had reason to move from where we were to a place where I knew there were going to be WAY fewer chicks, a much, much worse ratio and very expensive drinks if there were drinks at all.

The first two are obvious problems. You don’t want the drinks to be expensive because chicks don’t like to spend money on drinks. They like $6 drinks and $600 boots. Go figure. \o/

If the drinks are expensive, the chicks are going to be nursing them so they can save their money for Manolo Blahniks. This means that they won’t already be drunk by the time you show up. This is always a drag and a waste of time. :D You’re way better off in a dive bar with cheap alcohol or a spot that’s having some kind of 2-for-1 deal or ladies’ night specials or something.

So we motivate to the next spot and just like I thought, it’s *DEAD*. Something like an 11-1 ratio, I may or may not have seen two people with a drink in their hands. Horrific. I immediately hopped on my location-based apps & sites to see where I could jump off to in case I wanted to attempt to salvage the evening. Fortunately, our stay in this location was unexpectedly short due to technical difficulties experienced by the person whose fault it was we went to that place to begin with. If they would have stayed there, I would have left because the sheer boredom of lack of targets was putting me to sleep. I would rather have been on the subway than in that dead-ass spot. :)

The next place we went to was decent as far as population but horrible as far as access. The bar was small and there was no mingle area defined near it. You were either sitting at the bar or you weren’t involved with the bar area. Everyone else was sitting at restaurant tables, completely isolated from each other. Tactical Snafu. The bathroom was in the other direction from the bar, so we couldn’t even benefit from that flow. At least everyone had drinks available, so that was better, the numbers were better, the ratio was better and the opportunity was infinitely better.

Essential Elements

Actually, now that I think about it, sound is really important as well. If you go to a place where the music’s too loud, you won’t be able to comfortably talk to a chick. Same thing if the crowd noise is too loud. OTOH, if you’re going to be loud with your boys, you don’t want to go to a spot that’s too quiet or you’ll look out of place instead of energetic & interesting.

You definitely want a decent amount of flow. You don’t want to go to a place where chicks show up and just stay and stay and stay and stay and stay. You want them to LEAVE so more chicks can take their place and you never have to leave your Real Estate but you get to throw your hat in the ring lots of times. At the same time, you don’t want to be in a spot where there’s nothing BUT flow, like near the front door for instance as you try to kick it to chicks entering and exiting.

Don’t be greedy. Sometimes, it’s better not to get the best chick in a group. If she’s sweating your boy, it might be better for you to facilitate HIS rap so you have access to all the rest of her friends while they wait for her to finish kickin’ it. Also, there’s usually a leader of each pack. If you can determine which one that is (she’s the most charismatic or she’s the one driving, etc), you can corral the entire herd just by bagging the lead chick. Don’t be selfish, keep your boys’ interests in mind while you’re trying to meet chicks and they’ll appreciate it and return the favor when they can.

Having said that.. You also need to recognize that there’s a limit to what you can do and/or SHOULD DO for your boys, haha. :) You don’t want to ruin your own cred with the chicks by over-hyping dudes past their actual potential. If you know your boy’s a player and you tell a chick he’s interested in a relationship so he can get some, it’s gonna be YOU that takes the short when she’s disappointed, not HIM! He’s doing what he always does. You’re putting your own rep in jeopardy by cosigning his behavior. When that chick has a homegirl YOU want to meet, you’re SHORT! :D

Recognize when to bail. I started chatting up this chick one time ’cause she was cute and had a decent body and once I got into conversation with her I realized I wasn’t going to be able to sustain a level of conversation that she felt was cultured and I felt was boring as hell. A couple of jokes about her profession and she ejected herself and I was once again free to get back on track with talking to other chicks. If she’s going to be a waste of your time, bail. Similarly, if you feel like YOU’RE going to be a waste of HER time, bail.

Close Early. If a chick seems to be diggin’ you, the longer you take to get her contact information the more time you’re giving her crabby, no-rap-getting homegirls to cockblock you. By the time they show up with some bogus excuse to pull her away from you, it’s too late to try to close with this other chick all in your business. Remember, you’re there to MEET chicks, not date them on the spot. Let her know how great you are, exchange information, step to the left.

Plan To Fail

Some of my homegirls are more reliable than others. When I make a plan with them the plan is made and I don’t have to worry about them not showing up or being egregiously late. With other chicks, there’s a good percentage chance that they’re going to flake out so I make sure to invite several chicks to the same event, just in case. :)

Similarly, the place you planned to go might have looked great on paper, but it’s wack when you actually get there. I usually have a Plan B and a Plan C in place before I go out so that if I determine that the current spot isn’t going to cut it, I can quickly switch venues with minimal effort, time spent and smartphone battery wasted. :D

Another benefit of planning to fail is that you’re not nervous about your Plan A falling through because you know your night isn’t ruined, regardless. A lot of guys get caught up in trying to force their Plan A to work because it’s all they have for tonight. Regardless of how bleak the prospects are, they never just MOVE to the next bar down the street or hop in a cab to an entirely different area. Then, when *ONE* new chick shows up, you see every guy in the spot swoop down and try to get on….

Prospects are bad? Move. Horrible ratio? Move. No opportunity to chat chicks up? Move. Chicks aren’t your type? Move. You aren’t these particular chicks’ type? Move. A chick you kicked it to previously is here messing up your raps? Move. Target Assessment is absolutely critical if you’d like to spend your time talking to women instead of wondering why you’re not.

Related Posts

• Sexual Tension
• Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages
• Making Friends vs. Getting Laid
• Why R&B Music Works On Women
• “Hard To Get” vs “Expensive To Buy”

So they finally released the movie “Twilight” on cable, so I was able to check it out and see what all the hubbub was about.

Vampire shows have been all the rage recently. HBO has a series called True Blood that’s really popular and pretty much anything dealing with vampires is going to get run these days.

I’ve been wondering for quite a while why chicks have been falling all over themselves over “Twilight”. I figured a vampire movie is a vampire movie is a vampire movie. *yawn*

Having watched it now, I get it completely. The screenplay was very well written to fit the brainwashing of American females if not females all over the world.

I’m not saying the movie was interesting or good or unpredictable, haha.. I’m just saying that I understand why it’s a phenomenon because it hits the points that girls are trained to look for when they fantasize about being involved in a romantic relationship with a guy.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** If you still haven’t seen this movie, which was released over a year ago or you happen to be Keith Bevans, do not read the rest of this post! :D

Bella

Bella is the main character. The movie’s seen through her eyes. This is automatically going to be of interest to females, because most films are seen through guys’ eyes.

She doesn’t live in a big city. She transfers to a new school, which means she starts off with ZERO props. She has no friends. She’s a loner.

She’s cute enough for the sticks, but she’d be nothing to write home about in New York City. This is also endearing to females, because most of them fit into this category.

You don’t want your protagonist to be “too attractive” or else the audience will disconnect. Of course Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie. That’s what’s supposed to happen, because Angelina > Jennifer. You want the audience to feel like they’re immersed in a story that could actually happen to THEM in THEIR lives.

So Bella’s set up as a character that’s worthy of love but just doesn’t have any. Her parents are separated. Her father lives alone. Her mother has a new man and enjoys traveling with him. Basically, Bella has nothing at all in her life, emotionally.

Edward

Edward is seen as a “catch” in the town Bella moves to. He’s one of the elite, although the movie doesn’t establish WHY he’s considered elite. I can only assume it’s because they imply that he’s physically attractive and mentally a renegade.

I grew up with “elite” people in my elementary school. I understand the draw, even though “Twilight” skipped over the character development explaining these people.

When I was 13 years old, I knew other 13-year-olds that got $150 a week in “allowance” (The money your parents give you to live and have fun on for no particular reason). At the time, my allowance was $20/week and a lot of my friends (who had JOBS by the time they were 13 or just stayed broke) considered me rich because of that.

I knew 13-year-old “elites” that would throw wild parties and raid their parents’ liquor cabinets and be the talk of the school, come Monday. I also knew 16-year-old elite females that dropped out of school to have kids, most likely due to some of those same parties.

So I understand the concept of “the table of cool kids” and how fascinating they are, just because they’re living lives that the rest of us aren’t living. One thing the movie never addresses is that Edward doesn’t age past 17, even though he became a vampire in ~1918, and nobody seems to notice.

So Edward seems to be rich, cool, has his own car, his parents pull him out of school whenever it’s a really nice day and the faculty never complains (= his family has juice), so it would appear that he could choose whatever female(s) he wants and they’d be glad to get down with the program.

Perfect Dynamic

This sets up the perfect dynamic between Edward & Bella that she’s not supposed to be able to pull a guy as good as him and he’s not supposed to settle for a girl as mediocre as she is.

This is the format for the American female dream. Self-Validation through being selected by an elite male for her unique qualities. Without the male being elite, it’s not worth anything because “who cares?”. If the female had been stunning and all guys were chasing her, it wouldn’t have been worth anything because the average American female wouldn’t feel like the film was about *her*. This is a modern reenactment of John Hughes movies about the mechanic chick getting the guy that’s chasing beauty queens, except instead of it happening within the last five seconds of the movie before the credits, it happens towards the beginning of the film.

The basis, as usual, is the concept of “Love”. The way Love is sold to women is that it’s some supernatural occurrence that has no realistic explanation. The more of an explanation there is for it, the less valid it is. This is why you don’t get any credit for telling a gal she has a nice ass. She attributes your statement to LUST, which is low-rated when compared to LOVE, which is something you’re supposed to feel….. um… because you feel it and you can’t explain it. Lusting after her doesn’t make her feel unique, because you like a lot of chicks’ asses. If you’re “In love with her”, that means that she’s the only one that inspires you to feel a certain way and then it’s Game On!

Unfortunately for my ‘discovery’ of this film, I was aware ahead of time that Edward was a vampire and Bella was Human. As an editor, I’m going to be aware of this fact the entire time, because I would have been in charge of being aware of character development & continuity if I had edited this film myself. For this reason, when Bella walks into the class and passes in front of the fan and Edward covers his nose, I immediately considered that he was avoiding her because he considered her a tasty morsel, not because he was repulsed by her, as Bella assumed.

Natually, this gimmick was revisited during the baseball game scene when Edward tells Bella to put her hair down and then the breeze blows through it, sending her Human scent to James, the hunter vampire. This was another plot flaw, BTW, because the vampire female on Edward’s team had said she could smell Bella from across the field, yet James was standing right in front of her and didn’t detect her as Human until the wind blew past her in his direction.

American Dream

I realized how well this screenplay was written and why the phenomenon has become so huge during the car scene after Edward rescues Bella from a pending gangbang and is driving her away from the scene. Bella and Edward reach for the radio at the same time, and Bella goes “Your hand is so cold! :O”. This was my “AHA!” moment because this scene occurred maybe halfway through the entire movie. Edward had already saved her life from getting crushed by a van, hung out with her lots of times and now arrived out of nowhere to save her from four guys that were planning to tag up, and she had NEVER. TOUCHED. HIS. SKIN. BEFORE!!! O_o

This, my friends, is the American female dream… Something For Nothing. This guy was hanging out with her, courting her and protecting her and he had never even held her hand before. Never kissed her before. Never ****** her before. Nothing. There’s no explanation why he’s compelled to do things for her, which validates her as an unique female… a CUAO. From then on, I watched the physical interaction (or lack thereof) between Edward & Bella and realized how masterfully the sexual tension was built into this book which was adapted into a screenplay.

Kool-Aid

For some reason, Edward’s crew of vampires has sworn off eating people, although it’s natural to them. When Edward first smells Bella, he’s like “LUNCHTIME!!! :D” but he fights off his natural urges and disappears from school for a few days until he calms down. Meanwhile, Bella’s been experiencing some kind of inexplicable attraction to Edward which is of course attributed to “love”. Edward, then, for no apparent reason, saves Bella’s life, making her even more enthralled by the concept of being with him. When she finds out he’s a vampire, she declares that she doesn’t care and that she’s not afraid of him. Logically, she’s willing to risk her life to be with him being that she would have been dead already if he hadn’t saved her from being crushed, however, of course, this is utilized as another demonstration of how deep her LOVE is for Edward.

The real hook to this movie is the fact that Edward can’t physically interact with Bella for fear of losing control and killing her. He decides to make out with her one time and has to retreat from that situation. This is like Female Final Fantasy.. that a guy wants them so badly that it hurts, but at the same time, he’s not willing to pull the trigger. Brilliant! :D BRAVO!!! :D Excellent Writing! :D I wish I would have thought up “Vampires that restrain themselves from eating Humans” myself.

Edward fights for and protects Bella, declaring her his entire life, and he hasn’t even hit it yet. What girl isn’t gonna drop her drawers for *THAT*? :D He goes against his family, goes against the entire town, goes against regular vampires, faces off against wolves, *AND* even goes against his own natural urges to KILL BELLA because he’s in love with her.

On top of all that, he can read EVERYONE’S mind, except for hers. The new-girl outcast loner is SO unique and important! Of course chicks are gonna drink the Kool-Aid straight with no chaser, wipe their lips and ask you to pass them some more! :D

Be Edward

The obvious moral of this story for the fellaz is to BE EDWARD!!! :D

Some gals you can pull by telling them what you WILL do for them. Others, you can pull by telling them what you WON’T do. ;) Be the Alpha. Make her feel unique. Tell her what you want from her…….. and then tell her why you can’t or won’t pull the trigger. Sweetness! hehe Leave her wondering how it WOULD HAVE BEEN if she had hooked up with you.

A lot of chicks won’t give it up simply because they know you want it. It’s this weirdo mentality where they like to make themselves feel special or perhaps powerful by denying or defying you. I know you know what I’m talking about.. Everything’s going in the right direction, and all of a sudden, they’re backing away from you or they start playing games. The counter to this dumb way of being is to tell them what you’re NOT going to do so they attempt to defy you by making you do it.

You see this throughout the movie. Edward tells Bella he’s a killer, her response is that she’s not afraid of him. Edward seems to be repulsed by her when he has to sit next to her in class, she wants to confront him about that. Edward tells her he’s not going to tell her about himself, she insists. Edward tells her he’s not going to turn her into a vampire, she tells him she wants to live with him forever.

So.. If nothing in your usual repertoire’s working, flip the script. Be That Guy. Make her the star of your movie. Break out your “Something for Nothing” game. Let her know that you’re her American Dream.. just don’t give it to her… Just let the tension build and see what happens ;)

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Sexual Tension isn’t something guys normally have to think about. It either exists or it doesn’t. It’s a feeling. It’s like being mad. You either FEEL mad at a particular time or you don’t…

Situations & Countermeasures

For me, sexual tension is entirely situational. I’m into a chick on a particular day at a particular time under particular circumstances or I’m not. There’s no across-the-board, long-term designation of whether I feel sexual tension for a chick or not.

Back in the day……. I met this chick that I felt IMMEDIATE sexual tension towards.. haha ok, that’s not the UNIQUE part of the story. :P ..

Over the years, I’ve had lots of legitimate reasons to say I was through being attracted to her. Some of them were personality-based, some were physicality-based, some were circumstantially-based, some were to stop myself from obsessing over her.. These all worked well enough until the next time I was f2f with her again (face to face) and then I’m sitting there going “Why the hell do I feel like ******* this *****?”

It was SO WEIRD, haha I had no tension at all until she was sitting right there in front of me. I thought I had “kicked” and then all my damned resolutions went out the window. I eventually figured out something that reader “Yota” said yesterday (meaning she SAID it yesterday, not I FIGURED IT OUT yesterday! :D):

Yota: “The attraction is still there, you’re right I may as well try to ignore the urge to go to the bathroom, but in this case it is something that while I can’t ignore, I can choose not to act on beyond the flirting that already goes on.”

So, basically, since I couldn’t mentally engineer my IRL sexual tension for this chick out of my system, I devised a workaround, which is to not trust myself to feel the same way when I’m around her as when I’m not around her. It was the only logical decision and it’s served me well! :D I implemented situation-based countermeasures which I’m not going to discuss because I still use them, hahaha Too Bad, So Sad! :D

I *will* say that my countermeasures are mental and not physical, which means that under circumstances of excessive, *EXCESSIVE* alcohol consumption, it’s impossible for me to maintain focus on my unnatural goal of ignoring what I really want to do and all bets are off. I’m not happy about that, but it’s a fact.

Be clear that I’m *NOT* saying that alcohol is an excuse for my actions. I’m saying that because of my own choices to drink certain amounts, I’ve physically or perhaps chemically disabled my ability to remember to be unnatural. This is the exact OPPOSITE stance from people that say “I was drunk.. That wasn’t ‘me’ that did that”. When people are drunk, they do what they REALLY want to do because they forget not to. O_o

Just Say “No”

So, sexual tension exists or it doesn’t. There are lots of factors & parameters involved. You think a chic’s hawt or she isn’t. There’s some other reason you want to have sex with her (personality, wit, intelligence…) or there isn’t. She’s dating a friend of yours or she isn’t. She’s your boss or one of your clients or she isn’t. She’s your ex’s little sister or mother or she isn’t. She’s related to you or she isn’t. She’s some kind of puritanical fanatic that’s going to make hooking up with her equate to some kind of ceremonial undertaking that means you’re going to have to put in more work to GET RID OF HER than you put in to GET her… or she isn’t. :D

Your two options, the way I see it are to elect to enact mental countermeasures or stay away from that person entirely. This is where a lot of guys in “committed” relationships get caught slippin’ because they think they can resist screwing chicks they really WANT, merely by utilizing their own willpower. In a lot of cases, these guys aren’t authorized to claim they’re not going to cheat because they’ve never been in a serious situation EVER in their entire lives. O_o

Let’s say your boyfriend thinks Natalie Portman’s the bee’s knees…

You can ask him today, tomorrow, next week and next year whether he’d tap Natalie and he’s always going to answer “No” or “HELLZ NO!” or “It’s all about YOU, honey” or some variation of that sentiment that’s going to keep him getting laid.

Meanwhile.. You know why he can say that with such confidence?… Because. Natalie. Portman. Never. Threw. It. At. Him. And. Probably. Never. Will! :D

However.. What’s going to happen if he ends up in a situation where YOU’RE not there and he’s alone with Natalie and she’s tryin’na give him some?… He *MIGHT* scream out “STEP TO THE LEFT, NATALIE!!! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! YOU WON’T BE GETTING ANY OF THIS RIGHT HEEEEEERE!!!” *I’m crying!* :D OR, he might fold under the pressure of REAL sexual tension like he’s never experienced before in his entire dating career and “get in where he fit in”.

Nah Meen? haha Shoot First and Ask Questions LATER! :D

Tension Relief

Some people think sexual tension’s relieved by “getting it over with”. That’s a pretty dumb idea but it works well as a gimmick for guys to get laid. “Let’s make it easier for us to be ‘friends’ by getting rid of our sexual tension” hahaha Yeah. Right! :D For guys, sexual tension is relieved when……. you don’t think the chick is sexy. Period.

Of course, if she gets back in shape or whatever caused you to not be physically interested in her, it’s back to square one! :D

Unless you specialize in ONS (one night stands), like unless that’s the main thing that floats your boat about messing with chicks, there’s no such thing as “I hit that last week.. It’s out of my system now”. You’re either into her THIS WEEK, TODAY, RIGHT NOW or you’re not. I mean, imagine if that was how it actually worked. That would mean that the only time wives would get laid is on their honeymoons (assuming of course that that was the first time he had sex with her), because after that first time, having sex with her would be out of her husband’s system and he wouldn’t need to go back in other than to try to make kids.

Of course, Sexual Tension is completely different for women. There’s the societal pressure to not look “Easy” and get called all kinds of names. There’s the percentage chance that you might get pregnant even if you use birth control, whereas the chance that a guy will get pregnant is ZERO. There’s the chance that you’ll get emotionally hooked on a guy that doesn’t feel the same way about you.

It’s also different for women because for the most part, y’all are passive participants in the dating game. You’re active as far as making yourselves look good and staying in shape so guys WANT to kick it to you and you’re pivotally active during the decision-making process about how far the action goes but other than that, it’s up to the guy to do everything. This might seem like a luxurious position for a woman to be in, except I’m sure it’s rather frustrating when the guy she has tension for doesn’t have tension for HER, which many times results in hours of romance novel reading accompanied by the consumption of mass quantities of ice cream.

Personally, I’d rather have sexual tension that I elect (or am requested) not to act upon than not to have it at all. It’s fun. :) It’s one of the rare circumstances where I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do. I know what the codes and directives are, but I’m not sure I’m going to follow them. I pride myself on following my own self-imposed restrictions, but I still enjoy my body trying to convince me to do what I actually *WOULD* do in a perfect world…..

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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