Everybody knows that there are distinct and clear advantages to being a dude.

Two days ago, The USA just celebrated Equal Pay Day, for instance:

pay-equity.org/day.html

The next Equal Pay Day is Tuesday, April 17, 2012. This date symbolizes how far into 2012 women must work to earn what men earned in 2011.

Equal Pay Day was originated by the National Committee on Pay Equity (NCPE) in 1996 as a public awareness event to illustrate the gap between men’s and women’s wages.

Since Census statistics showing the latest wage figures will not be available until late August or September, NCPE leadership decided years ago to select a Tuesday in April as Equal Pay Day. (Tuesday was selected to represent how far into the work week women must work to earn what men earned the previous week.) The date also is selected to avoid avoid religious holidays and other significant events.

Because women earn less, on average, than men, they must work longer for the same amount of pay. The wage gap is even greater for most women of color.

So, off the bat, I can do the same job a woman does, for the exact same amount of time, and get paid more for it.

Keep Your Legs Closed

Recently, there have been an alarming (to me) number of situations that have been spilling the beans about the Boys’ Club to the international press.

Check out this Herb, talking to Andrea Mitchell:

YouTube Link => youtu.be/ZM6ifRq_SNg

For some reason, he felt perfectly comfortable telling a joke that you tell TO GUYS, *ABOUT* women, TO A WOMAN, on NATIONAL TELEVISION = International YouTube.

I mean, I understand that dude is a billionaire, so he doesn’t give a flying **** what women think, but C’Mon, Sunn! :/

He-Man Woman Haters Club

Next up, we have this club that’s still discriminating against people in the year 2012.

I thought this was pretty fantastic, because I thought that had been over for years, but NOPE! :D

csmonitor.com/USA/Sports/2012/0405/All-male-Augusta-National-overlooks-Virginia-Rometty.-Should-IBM-complain

Behind the scenes at this year’s Masters golf tournament is a matchup that many are watching almost as much as Tiger Woods versus the rest of the field.

The matchup is between the men-only Augusta National Golf Club – where the tournament has been played since 1933 – and critics who have been calling for a female member, particularly since 2002, when feminist Martha Burk took on the club.

The new wrinkle is that Augusta has traditionally extended membership to the CEOs of its corporate sponsors. Now, one of those sponsors, IBM, has a female CEO – one who even plays golf.

It’s an awkward moment for IBM and CEO Virginia “Ginni” Rometty as they consider what – if anything – to do about the apparent snub. Fighting the feminist cause might not be IBM’s job, say some experts, but the company might have to brace for a potential backlash if it continues its relationship with Augusta.

I personally don’t hang out with groups of dudes and no chicks, so I can’t even venture a GUESS at what their benefit is of not allowing female members.

You Mean That Wasn’t Free?

Our latest spillage of thine beans is that a bunch of dudes went to some foreign country and bought sex from a bunch of chicks, but one idiot didn’t feel like paying for it, so a bunch of them got in trouble, and already, three of them have lost their jobs:

nytimes.com/2012/04/19/world/americas/colombian-escort-speaks-about-secret-service-scandal.html

CARTAGENA, Colombia — A Secret Service agent preparing for President Obama’s arrival at an international summit meeting and a single mother from Colombia who makes a living as a high-priced escort faced off in a room at the Hotel Caribe a week ago over how much he owed her for the previous night’s intercourse. “I tell him, ‘Baby, my cash money,’ ” the woman said in her first public comments on a dispute that would soon spiral into a full-blown scandal.

The disagreement over her price — he offered $30 for services she thought they had agreed were worth more than 25 times that — set off a tense early morning quarrel in the hallway of the luxury hotel involving the woman, another prostitute, Colombian police officers arguing on the women’s behalf and American federal agents who tried but failed to keep the matter from escalating.

On Wednesday, in a setback to the reputation of those who protect the president, the Secret Service prepared to fire one supervisor tied to the alleged misconduct with prostitutes on the Cartagena trip, the agency said in a statement. Another supervisor has decided to retire, and a third employee will be allowed to resign, the statement said. Eight other employees remain under investigation.

“These guys have the clearest cases,” said a government official briefed on the investigation, referring to the three who are being pushed out.

The employees under scrutiny have been asked to take lie detector tests; only one has agreed to do so, the official said. The supervisor who is being fired has threatened to sue, Mark Sullivan, the director of the Secret Service, has told officials.

Now.. This situation is very funny. :D

It’s funny because even though men know that men buy sex every day of life, they can’t admit that they know this or they would be spilling the beans about the Boys’ Club.

Basically, the rules are “Do whatever you want, until you get caught, and then we’re all going to act like y’all are renegade anomalies and we’re nothing like you.”

Personally, I have nothing to do with prostitutes and never have.

This has nothing to do with ethics.

I think that if a chick feels like selling ass and a dude is willing to buy it, that’s good for them, and I hope they enjoy themselves and have fun stories to tell after the fact.

For me, women actually like me, so I don’t have to pay women for sex, never have, and probably never will.

Paying a chick for sex would be like paying her to mop the floor = not erotic.

Since the only reason you’re talking to her is to eventually engage in some sort of erotic episode with her, it’s best that you don’t do (no pun intended) anti-climactic things with her, such as negotiate with her for how much money you’re going to owe her for spreading her legs or opening her mouth.

*YAWN*

So, I have nothing against dudes that actually get something out of buying hookers, but if that’s how you’re going to live your life, remember to *PAY* after you *PLAY*.

If dude would have just paid this chick what she says they agreed to (he says he was drunk when they negotiated the price, which is *HIS* problem, not hers), none of these dudes would have gotten in trouble and/or fired.

Unfortunately for him, she saw herself as a high-priced “Escort”, and he saw her as a foreign whore, so there was no way he was upping American Escort money to a Colombian Hooker.

nytimes.com/2012/04/19/world/americas/colombian-escort-speaks-about-secret-service-scandal.html

There was a language gap between the woman, 24, who declined to give her full name, and the American man who sat beside her at the bar and eventually invited her to his room. She agreed, stopped on the way to buy condoms but told him he would have to give her a gift. He asked how much. Not knowing he worked for Mr. Obama but figuring he was a well-heeled foreigner, she said, she told him $800.

The price alone, she said, indicates she is an escort, not a prostitute. “You have higher rank,” she said. “An escort is someone who a man can take out to dinner. She can dress nicely, wear nice makeup, speak and act like a lady. That’s me.”

By 6:30 the next morning, after being awoken by a telephone call from the hotel front desk reminding her that, under the hotel’s rules for prostitutes, she had to leave, whatever deal the two had agreed on had broken down. She recalled that the man told her he had been drunk when they discussed the price. He countered with an offer of 50,000 pesos, the equivalent of about $30.

Disgusted with such a low amount, she pressed the matter. He became angry, ordered her out of the room and called her an expletive, she said.

She said she was crying and went across the hall, where another escort had spent the night with an American man from the same group. Both women began trying to get the money.

The other funny thing about this is that prostitution is legal where this occurred, so instead of the hooker being SOL, she actually *COULD* step to the cops and tell them that this gringo refused to pay for the sex he already got and had agreed to a price for.

She ended up settling for $250, which is way less than she wanted, and way more than he had originally offered, but the damage was already done by then.

Baby, My Cash Money! :O

oh.. wait… Here’s another account, from the Daily News! :D

nydailynews.com/news/national/colombian-hooker-center-secret-service-scandal-fight-800-agent-promised-article-1.1063676

Rep. Peter King (R-L.I.) said the agent who was fired is fighting his dismissal. “He’s suing the agency and fighting to stay,” he said.

King did not know if that agent was the one who kicked off the brouhaha by stiffing one of the 20 hookers hired by the frolicking G-men.

Eight other Secret Service operatives remain on administrative leave. Their security clearances have been stripped.

The call girl at the heart of the scandal is a dark-haired stunner who goes by the name Tania and was humiliated when an agent gave her only $28 for the night, according to the cabbie who drove her home.

“He only gave her 50,000 pesos ($28) for a cab ride, because he thought he had already paid her,” Jose Pena told The News.

She told Pena, “This never happened to me before. I feel so embarrassed.”

Pena said the raven-haired 5’-4” escort was one of a group of girls the agents picked up very late at a club and took back to the Hotel Caribe — but not before she stopped to buy condoms.

The agents have told investigators they didn’t realize the scantily clad ladies lavishing attention on them were prostitutes until it was too late.

“Most of them said they didn’t know until they got back to their rooms that they were hookers,” a source said.

After the wild night, Tania told the cabbie her agent was still drunk in the morning, when he belligerently kicked her out of his hotel room and locked the door.

“I tell him, ‘Baby, my cash money,’” she told the New York Times.

She said she banged fruitlessly on the door and then went to another agent’s room to summon one of her friends.

A group of hookers, Secret Service agents and local cops gathered in the hotel hallway arguing as the original agent remained behind his locked door.

Eventually, the other agents gathered $225 in dollars and pesos for Tania, who agreed to leave, Pena said.

Tania is a 24-year-old single mother who takes pride in being an escort — and not a hooker.

She typically pockets $800 for a “date” – and that she had told the agent in advance that’s what she cost.

Now, the Daily News isn’t the most reliable of sources, haha but you get the picture.

What do you mean “You didn’t know they were hookers”? o_O

What game did you kick that got her to agree to leave the bar/club, get in a cab with you, go buy condoms, come back with you to your hotel and give you a “Happy Ending”?

What gift of gab did you use that you felt you had gotten this chick to come home with you for free?

Did you get a clue when your boys were chipping in for the sex YOU just had? :D hahaha

Did you get a clue when there was a team of hookers outside your door, instead of the one you just kicked out? :D

This is why I’m saying this is so funny. The stories obviously don’t add up, but they *WOULD*, if dudes would just admit to the Boys’ Club.

Notice how none of the other hookers had monetary disputes?.. By some accounts, there were up to 20 of them brought back to that hotel that night, but forget about that.. If there were only the 4 prostitutes outside dude’s door, telling him to up the money, that means that 3 of them successfully completed their transactions with his homeboys.

Notice also how this situation would never have been revealed if the chick hadn’t complained to the cops that dude didn’t pay her what she thought her ***** was worth?

And then, people want to go around claiming this is an odd, one-off occurrence.

What’s even funnier is that everybody wants to call this “Bad Behavior”, as they attempt to distance themselves from what guys do every single day of life = pay women to give it up.

Membership Has Its Privileges

Several years ago, I went to visit a friend at her business office, and she introduced me to this guy I had never seen before in life, whom I gathered was footing part of the bill for the office space (read: he was tappin’ that).

We all hung out in their office that day, and then she needed to go do something, and I was chatting with the dude.

He made some outlandish remarks about her that I can’t even remember, because I was (at the time) so surprised that he was talking to me about the gal that I had come there to see, as if he and I were the long-time friends, and she was the third party.

I ended up not saying anything to her about what he said, because it seemed to me they were physically involved, and I wasn’t interested in exacerbating the situation, especially since she also relied on him for office space.

Also, it wasn’t anything that would have affected her health or well-being, or else I would have definitely let her know.

But the point was that we’re both guys.

There are lots of things guys tell other guys that they won’t tell women, regardless of what level of relationship they claim to have with them.

I’m finding this trend of bean-spilling to be strange, and I wonder if there’s an overall reason for it, or if these are merely unrelated incidents that have been occurring lately.

These aren’t gaffes, and they aren’t unforced errors… It seems that dudes are so comfortable with the Boys’ Club that they don’t give a damn if women find out about it, because there’s nothing they can do about it anyway.

It’s weird.. It’s like dudes are mentally regressing to when women didn’t have any jobs or money or could own property or create a business, and just had to sit around at their houses, hoping a suitor wanted to give them a worthwhile life instead of them becoming an “old maid” with a bunch of cats and knitting yarn.

I don’t see what the value is in paying an equally-competent woman 76 cents on the dollar, compared to a guy. (nationalpartnership.org/site/DocServer/wf.epd.factsheet.NY.pdf)

I don’t see what the value is in telling a woman a joke about women keeping their legs closed as an effective form of birth control.

I don’t see what the value is in keeping a woman with a more prestigious job than you have, and who makes more money than you do, from being a member of your club.

I don’t see what the value is in not paying hookers the money you agreed to pay them before they loved you long time.
–
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What is a Cougar? How come this dating term only applies to females and not to males who exhibit the same behaviors?

Definition

According to Wikipedia, a Cougar is “a woman, 40 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. The term is also commonly applied to women that are thirty or older.”

This is clearly a corny & simpe viewpoint. Urban Dictionary has some more definitions for us:

• An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her **** together.
• (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. “Man is cougar’s number one prey”
• An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with MILFs.
• A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar’s victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.
• A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”
• Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don’t have to sneak up and attack…they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won’t ask if they’ll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.

Did you notice how this is like a crime scene where everyone has a different description of the perp? :D

She was 35.. No.. She was 50…
She was rich.. No.. She was broke…
She looked busted.. No.. She looked HAWT!!! :D

For the purpose of this discussion, I’m going to define a Cougar as a female that’s older than the male she’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that male that she’s not “supposed” to have.

We need to keep the “older than” component, or the concept isn’t any fun. If you get served by a chick your age or younger, she was just smarter than you and your life sucks.

I’m willing to toss the “how much money she has” component and the “whether she looks good or not” component as those aren’t going to be primary issues during the locker-room talk debriefing the next day with his boys. As soon as he mentions that he hooked up with an older chick, the conversation could potentially stall there indefinitely as he attempts to explain why and save face in front of his friends who are dying to call him “desperate”.

The age component needs to be dropped lower because those mid-western grade-school teachers that keep getting busted for being in love with their 14-year-old (happy as HELL to get laid!!! :D) students already qualify as Cougars in their late 20′s.

So we need for the Cougar to be older, except we also need for her to have uncommon advantages in the relationship. Otherwise, she qualifies as a MILF, which is a similar, yet completely different fetish category.

MILFs

The acronym MILF stands for Mother I’d Like to ****. It’s a technically incorrect term because nobody cares whether the older chick has kids or not. The concept is more that she’s old enough to have kids or maybe that the way she looks, you would say “She’s old enough to be my mother” even though she might only be 5 years older than you are.

MILFs don’t have any advantages in relationships.

They’re just like regular females except they were born before you were. You don’t need to apply any special tactics for them. Actually, you can do even less as you imagine them to be relatively desperate and hungry for some male action.

MILFs are a fetish category because they’re not supposed to still be in The Game. They’re supposed to have had all the sex they’re going to have in their lives and now, their function is being somebody’s mother or a secretary or something.

The problem with this theory is that women supposedly peak sexually in their 30′s, so even though their looks might be way past their prime, they’re way more DTF (Down To ****) than younger girls who are still playing stupid games and frontin’ like they don’t want to hook up with you when you know that they’re dying to give you some.

So, a MILF is an older woman that you’re not supposed to be able to have sex with, but somehow you do.. Like, you go to some chick’s house to take her out to the club and she got stuck at the library studying so her mother invites you wait for her inside and you happen to hook up with the moms, probably including all sorts of stuff that her daughter wouldn’t have done for you anyway.

Or.. Maybe you decide to do your laundry late at night and this older gal is the only one in the laundromat and one thing leads to another…

These qualify as MILF encounters… Regular stuff, except it just so happens that the gal’s older than you are.

Cougars

A cougar, OTOH, is making moves from her own personal power. You have to imagine a Stella trying to get her Groove Back.

The Cougar knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. There’s an empty space she’s trying to fill… She’s looking to add an element to her already HAPPENIN’ lifestyle.

Unfortunately.. Unless you know how to tell the difference, a Cougar looks just like a MILF and you might could get caught slippin’. :D

It might be a part of her game plan to play that submissive “Oh.. I do declare!.. I think this whippersnapper’s trying to have sex with me! :O” role because she doesn’t want to scare you off by saying “Let’s get out of here” or asking you to accompany her to the bathroom of the bar and then locking both of y’all inside.

The trick to the Cougar is that “She don’t need you.. She’ll let the welfare feed you.”.. The tricks that usually work on women will actually leave you in a worse position than if you hadn’t tried to use them.

Declarations of love and promises of long-term relationships don’t have the pantie-dropping effect they’re supposed to. She’s not looking for Mr. Right.. She’s looking for Mr. Right Now. >:D

It’s also easy to miss it entirely when a Cougar propositions you because the way some of them press up is so subtle and slick. For instance, they might use the typical guy’s trick of feigning interest in your business so you have to.. what?.. Give her your business card.

After that, you need to talka about the business, right?.. Which is usually best discussed over what?.. Dinner. O_o

Of course, you need to meet at the restaurant’s bar before dinner, which leads to what?.. Drinks…

Next thing you know, you’ve gone on a full-fledged DATE with her and you can’t even accuse her of having asked you out! :D

So What?

What difference does any of this make? How come we need a special term for this behavior?

Cougars do what they want to do when they want to do it. If this attitude somehow permeated the female population, it would be a complete disaster for guys trying to get laid.

Sometimes, the only leverage you have is that she wants you to spend money on her or take her dancing or buy her a house.. The only carrot you have to dangle in front of her face is how much better her life will be if she hooks up with you. Take that away, and women would only give it up to guys they actually thought were sexy, and society as we know it goes down the tubes. :D

Once you label the behavior, you can convince people that it’s a deviant lifestyle and eventually even prescribe medication for it. mo money, Mo Money, MO MONEY!!! :D

More importantly, you can utilize the new distinction to brainwash girls that this is not who they want to be when they grow up.. A free-thinking, financially independent woman enjoying her life without being subservient to a man (unless that’s how she gets her kicks..) and getting involved with sex & relationships on her own terms.

It’s kind of like how they try to blackmail guys into selecting a girlfriend by telling us “You don’t want to end up as that old-ass man at the bar, do you?”

Speaking of which…

Male Cougars?

There is no similar term that means male that’s older than the female he’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that female that he’s not “supposed” to have.

Guys are SUPPOSED to have lots of advantages over the women they’re dating. That’s the whole point of the mating ritual. She’s trying to make a come-up by latching onto a guy that’s better than her, taller than her, stronger than her, richer than her, with a better career than she has, owns more property than her, has better genes than her family does, etc etc etc.

The phrase women like to use is “I can do poorly all by myself!”

There’s no point in a woman latching onto a man who’s a lesser human being than she is unless she’s one of those people that enjoys telling people what to do. If that’s her idea of a fun relationship, then more power to her.

So there IS no Cougar-type term for guys because we date women as young as we like, so long as they’re legal in that particular state.

Will you ever see Hugh Hefner cold lampin’ with chicks his age? NOPE!.. He likes young chicks and can afford as many of them as he likes. There’s no term for that, except perhaps “The American Dream”. >:D

According to society’s standards, guys are SUPPOSED to be older than the gals they date. They’re supposed to be taller and smarter and richer… It’s not enough of an issue to warrant a particular label, just like women getting laid *WELL* isn’t enough of an issue to warrant the creation of brothels where women can go to Get Their Groove Back right quick and then get on with their business like men all over the world do every single day of life.

According to a recent Time/CNN article, the Cougar craze is a myth… What do YOU think? O_o

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If you’re not from New York City, and specifically Manhattan, you’re not going to understand what this is a picture of. :)

Manhattan has garbage collection days. They don’t come get the garbage every day. This means that when stores know that the day is coming up, they bring all their garbage bags from the basement and pile them up out on the sidewalk.

Sometimes, it’s only three bags, but it could easily be 10-20 garbage bags making their own little mountain out in the street.

The point is that the garbagemen are going to come get the bags in the wee hours of the morning so that your customers never see a stack of garbage out in front of your restaurant or whatever.

Meanwhile, this is the exact same time that people go out to party here. A lot of times, people don’t even ARRIVE to bars before midnight, and since the bars close around 4:30am, there’s often a correlation between when drunk-ass-people stumble their asses out of a bar and when this mountain of garbage bags is chillin’ outside, waiting to get picked up.

Cold Lampin’ In The Garbage

So… What you’re looking at in this picture, which was snapped by my friend G.C., is a female, OUTSIDE!, in the street, out on the sidewalk near the curb, cold lampin’ in a stack of garbage bags, gettin’ her SNOOZE on, probably because she’s too drunk to do anything else. Needless to say, ladies… This is *NOT* a Good Look. :D

Women roll in packs around here. You can easily spot groups of 4-5 gals at a time mosseing around town. There are a lot of complaints from guys about how nosey these girls are in each other’s business, especially when you’re about to get a rap and one or more of them arrive to cockblock you for no apparent reason. Well… THIS is the reason.

Ladies!… Stop. Incapacitating. Yourselves. When. You. Go. Out. To. Party!. Srsly. In this case, G.C. did the neighborly thing and called the cops so they could come see if they could wake her ass up and get her moving to wherever she lives. You don’t want to actually wake someone like this up, because (as I well know, myself) people that are drunk don’t have the best memory and could easily blame YOU for the condition they put THEMSELVES in, even though all you were trying to do was look out for someone in a bad situation as we all should.

The other reason is that if she had been actually hurt instead of sleeping, you don’t want to get fingerprints on her from trying to remove her from her personal stack of garbage. The obvious exception would be if you perceived her to be choking or something, then you have to take your chances and help her out. Other than that, your only obligation is to call the cops and make sure nobody ***** with her until the cops get there.

Escort The Ladies Home

The pic of the chick in the garbage illustrates why I ALWAYS put women IN their apartments after we hang out (except in the cases where they live in the totally opposite direction from me and it would take me another hour or two to get home, in which case I make sure they get in a YELLOW cab and text me when they get home).

I was working a couple of months ago with my friends Rosie & Autumn and I’m standing there waiting with them for their car service to leave, and they’re telling me some ******** about how nobody’s going to mess with them because they know Kung Fu or something, and I’m like :/

I eventually ended up leaving, but I wasn’t happy about it. The only reason I left was that we were in a well-populated area and we had been WORKING, not DRINKING, so I didn’t have any doubt that they’d get their car eventually and make it home safely.

One of the things about Manhattan, NYC is that we can drink as much as we like because we have 24/7 yellow cab service. I can get a cab within 5 minutes at 5am. Lots of times, the cabbie’s had to wake me up so I could get the **** out of his cab! :D Lots of times, friends of mine who were less wasted than I was made sure that *I* got home, so I make sure that I return that favor and look out for women I’m spending time with. Saying “PEACE!” at the door of the bar and leaving her to stumble down the street and MAYBE make it to the avenue and flag down a cab instead of landing in a bunch of garbage to sleep it off is completely unacceptable to me. Completely.

The funny thing about this is that it looks like a scam! :D It looks like I’m trying to take advantage of them by saying “Oh… Let me walk you home! >:D” or getting out of the cab with them to walk them upstairs to their apartments. It looks like the old “Can I use your bathroom?” gimmick to get in a chick’s house and try to get some at the last minute. The fact of the matter is that I’ve SEEN exactly what this picture shows. I’ve SEEN guys and gals sprawled out on the concrete sidewalks of NYC at 2-5am, sleeping as if they were in their own beds. Since that’s not what I want for my friends, I do the best I can to make sure they get TO their block, TO their building, upstairs TO their floor, INSIDE their apartments and LOCK THE DOOR after I leave.

Homegirls, UNITE!!! :D

This is why it’s so important for those packs of gals wandering the streets of Manhattan to keep up with each other’s whereabouts. I know we hate it as guys when these nosey broads (THANK YOU FOR “BROADS”, MTV’S JERSEY SHORE!!! :D) destroy our raps by pulling their girlfriends away from us just before we get to make out with her, but it’s an important part of the NYC ecosystem. Her girlfriends don’t know a) how incapacitated she currently is, and b) what YOU’RE going to do with her once she passes out. Even though chicks tend to overdo it, it’s their sworn duty to look out for each other, especially when they know that if their girl gets tipsy, she’s liable to give it up to any guy she finds sexually attactive, but “saving her from herself” is an entirely different issue. :)

All I see in this pic is a chick sleeping in the garbage, but I personally feel that this was a HEF (Homegirl Epic Failure). This is why chicks need to go out in packs. If only two gals go out together and one of them gets a rap, her homegirl is Ass Out (Also said as Assed Out, meaning S.O.L. or **** Out of Luck). The benefit of having 4-6 girls roll out together is that there’s ZERO chance that ALL of them are going to get guys that evening, which means that there will be enough stragglers with nothing better to do than take headcounts and go try to find and collect the other girls in the group that may have placed themselves in compromising positions. Ladies!!.. It’s imperative that you leave the club/bar with the same number of chicks you entered the bar with, OR if you know that you’re about to go get some, make sure that you put your girl in a legitimate cab before you bounce.

Do like The U.S. Marines… “No Man Left Behind!”… Except in this case, it’s more like “No Chick Left Assed-Out!”, Nah Meen? :D

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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So the other day, I heard that Tiger Woods crashed his car and he was being treated for injuries. Once I heard the injuries weren’t career-threatening, I didn’t pay any more attention to the story. I read that he was in his car BY HIMSELF when he crashed and that his wife broke one of the car windows with a golf club to get him out. So what? Big deal.

Tiger Woods vs. Chris Brown

So now, readers Stephanie, Priscilla & Frank have pointed out to me that the internet’s buzzing with rumors that this-and-that happened, so I decided to see what the tabloids were talking about. Interestingly enough, it’s amazingly similar to the Chris Brown situation a few months ago:

1) Chick feels like she has exclusive access to a guy.
2) Chick supposedly receives information that her man was kickin’ it with some other chick.
3) Chick gets upset about it.
4) Chick wigs out and it gets physical.

This is where these tabloid stories part ways:

5) Chris Brown: Kick Her Mother******* Ass!
Tiger Woods: Run For The Mother******* Hills!

6) Chris Brown: Explain it to the cops.
Tiger Woods: Don’t explain it to the cops. (stop snitchin’, yo!)

7) Chris Brown: Become an international pariah.
Tiger Woods: Remain an international hero and icon.

The obvious moral of the story here is that if you’re foolish enough to let your woman believe she’s within her rights to put her hands on you, make sure you run when she starts throwing joints instead of knocking her the **** out.

It’s time to pay for your mistakes by taking one for the team and then not snitching when your girl flattens you out with a two-piece. Bap-Bap!.. Down you go. That’s what you get. That’s good for you.

Another difference between the situations is that the cops questioned Chris Brown about why Rihanna was laying in the street jacked up. The cops questioned Tiger Woods about why he crashed HIS OWN CAR when he was in it BY HIMSELF. There’s no domestic violence call from either side, AFAIK. Therefore, regardless of what actually happened, Tiger can hold the line and say his injuries were from his crash and that’s the end of the entire story. If he has a problem with his woman or she has a problem with him, they’re going to work it out on their own, like Chris Brown should have but didn’t.

Screen Your Girls

Unfortunately, relationships tend to create a volatile combination of beliefs which can blow up pretty much at any time. If you’re foolish enough to live with this hanging over your head every day, you get what you deserve when your girl decides that a) she has the right to hit you because she feels badly about something she saw or heard and b) you DON’T have the right to hit her back because she’s a female and you’re not.

This needs to be dealt with practically immediately. If your girl can’t keep her hands to herself, eject her and get another one. It’s that simple, well.. It’s that simple if you do it off the bat. If you wait until you have kids and marriages without prenuptial agreements then you might have to do like the cartoons and tell her like sugar whether you’d like to receive one lump or two.

Of course, guys never screen for chicks’ personality flaws from the giddyap because we’re too busy tryin’na get laid. Who cares if she’s a psycho as long as the ass is fat, right? :D Who cares if she’s gonna go off the pill without telling you, right? Who cares if she’s gonna skate to another state with your kids, right? Who cares if she’s gonna start a physical problem with you if she THINKS you’re kickin’ it with some other chick, right? As long as the chick looks good and the guy likes the sex, it’s on & poppin’ and nothing else matters.

Meanwhile, guys are screened for EVERYTHING! :D How much money do you make? What’s your job title? Who are your friends? What car do you drive? What gym or country club do you belong to? hoops, hoops, hoops to jump through and guys NEEEEEVER turn around and do the same thing to gals because nobody cares. She makes minimum wage? She works in McDonald’s? She’s the CFO (Chief Fry Officer)? She doesn’t have any friends? (I wonder why…) She gets to work on a skateboard?…….. HERE’S MY NUMBER!!! CALL ME!!! :D

Stop Snitchin’

So anyway, screen your chicks, fellaz. If she seems like she gonna go whoops up-side your head I said whoops up-side your head if she doesn’t like something, see if you can talk her down. If she can’t be reasoned with, eject her and get a better girlfriend. If worse comes to worse and she does you like Manny Pacquiao did Miguel Cotto, tip over a ladder next to your house and tell the cops you fell off the roof.

Oh.. And while you’re in the hospital, layin’ up in traction, write out your list of benefits that you’re about to demand AND RECEIVE from your girl for not throwing her MOTHER******* ASS IN JAIL! This is still your fault for not laying down the law with her from the get that she’s not allowed to put her hands on you under ANY circumstances (and, of course, you’re not going to put YOUR hands on HER by the same agreement), but better late than never.

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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