Herman Cain

Not that I consider Herman Cain an actual Presidential candidate, but I think this Politico story => “Exclusive: 2 women accused Herman Cain of inappropriate behavior” is worth discussing.

Here’s the important part:

Politico: On the details of Cain’s allegedly inappropriate behavior with the two women, POLITICO has a half-dozen sources shedding light on different aspects of the complaints.

The sources — which include the recollections of close associates and other documentation — describe episodes that left the women upset and offended. These incidents include conversations allegedly filled with innuendo or personal questions of a sexually suggestive nature, taking place at hotels during conferences, at other officially sanctioned restaurant association events and at the association’s offices. There were also descriptions of physical gestures that were not overtly sexual but that made women who experienced or witnessed them uncomfortable and that they regarded as improper in a professional relationship.

As it pertains to Cain’s candidacy, this is a whole bunch of nothing that people are going to try to turn into something.

There won’t be any more information about this, because the two women “signed agreements with the restaurant group that gave them financial payouts to leave the association. The agreements also included language that bars the women from talking about their departures.”

So the accused isn’t going to talk about it and the accusers aren’t going to talk about it.

Meanwhile, I just watched Cain spokesman J.D. Gordon NOT deny this situation on Geraldo Rivera’s show. Check it out, below:

YouTube Link => “Cain’s Spokesman JD Gordon Does Not Deny Claims Of Sexual Harassment”

And we all know what *THAT* means! :D

This is one of the unfortunate realities of politics. You can’t afford to admit to anything, because even if you explain how “nothing” a situation was, your opponents are going to sound bite and half-truth you to death because of it.

Here’s the entire segment, with Ann Coulter and Juan Williams:

YouTube Link => “Ann Coulter on Liberal High-Tech Lynchings & Herman Cain (10/30/11)”

Hopefully, somebody’s going to “leak” the documents, because I’d actually like to know how harassing this “conversation” and these “gestures” were.

Cain is going to get raked over the coals for this because his team refuses to talk about it, so he’s going to be vilified regardless of whether the truth behind these allegations are revealed or not.

Also, if you’re the type of person that finds this situation interesting, wait until you find out about the Rick Perry scandal, if he ever makes it back to the top of the polls…

Sexual Harassment

I remember when they first made up “sexual harassment”.

hehehe Yes, I know that sexual harassment has been a staple of life since the cavemen or whatever, but I mean when they actually decided to make “federal cases” out of it, and they started holding “sensitivity classes” on job sites.

Do I think it’s a good idea? Yep. Because a lot of guys take too much advantage and make workplaces uncomfortable for women that either don’t have it in their personalities to tell dudes to **** off, or are scared to do so for fear of losing their jobs.

I think it’s a great idea, and I’m glad someone decided to implement it. However, there are obvious problems with it, and unfortunately, sometimes it’s allowed to go completely overboard.

For instance, when I write, I call chicks “chicks”. There are some chicks that have told me IRL that they don’t appreciate that I call women “chicks”. That’s not my ******* problem.

It’s not my problem because I’m not their boss, and if they don’t like what I write, they can go read some other blog.

If I *WERE* their boss, however, and I walked in on Monday and asked “Hey… How’re y’all chicks doing? :D” in the most friendly and personable way possible, they could STILL whine and complain about my natural language selection and claim I’m sexually harassing them with conversation that makes them feel uncomfortable.

That’s what I’m saying about this Herman Cain situation. Because the word “sexual” is added to the situation, people are going to try to associate him with Anthony Weiner and , when it most likely ain’t that type’a party.

Also.. The fact of the matter is that what you say to women, and the “gestures” you make towards them are colored by whether they’re attracted to you or not.

If they like you, you’re being sociable. If they don’t like you, you’re being a creep.

Being that it’s not likely that the chicks thought Herman Cain was HAWT, pretty much anything he says to them is going to be construed as sexual harassment.

I was chatting with this gal on Friday and asked her what she was going to do over the weekend… Had I been her boss, and had she not considered me cute, she could have tried to press charges for my asking her “personal questions”. :/

So, Yeah.. This Herman Cain / Inappropriate Behavior situation is a whole lotta nothing.

Having said that…

If the eventually-leaked documents indicate that Cain was like “Yo, You’re looking good tonight! >:D .. How about you meet me at my hotel room so you can hop up on my 9-9-9?”, *THEN* we’ll have another Political Sex Scandal to talk about!!! >:D
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Cockblocking normally occurs when nosey-ass chicks refuse to mind their own business and attempt to stop a guy from getting laid.

There are other times, however, when it’s a GUY’S fault that a GAL doesn’t get to meet a guy she might like to hook up with. o_O

This is what we’re going to talk about today…

FELLAZ!!!… Y’all NEED to stop cockblocking your homegirls. It’s tough enough for women to get a date with a guy they like without *YOU* making the situation even more difficult!

Don’t Hate… Facilitate!!! >:D

First Things First

The first thing you need to recognize is that contrary to popular brainwashing, women actually WANT to get laid. They might not want *YOU* to do it, but they want SOMEBODY to do it.

If she asks you to block for her, go ahead and do that. Just don’t assume on your own that she doesn’t want to kick it to any dudes that happen to be wherever y’all are hanging out. If you’re confused, ask her.. Otherwise, make yourself useful or at the very least, stay out of her way while she’s trying to get on.

Chicks are like a “Use it or Lose it” scenario. Figure out whether you want to hook up with her or not and then figure out how much effort that’s going to take and whether you’re willing to put in that much work to get her. If you decide that you’re going to pass, don’t just lamp there like a bump on a log. If she’s qualified to become a part of your inner circle, look out for her like you would look out for one of your homeboys.

If your boy pointed out a chick he wanted to tap, you’d automatically start scheming on how you could help him hook up with her. You need to extend the same courtesy & consideration to your close homegirls by figuring out what they want and then striving to help them to get it.

Creeps & Sluts

Women are pretty useful.

The way society’s been evolving over at least the past 10 years, it’s practically a FEDERAL OFFENSE for a guy to try to screw a chick. It’s really pretty ******* ridiculous. Guys are called all kinds of names, the most popular one being “creep” for doing the exact same thing that brought most people into this ******* WORLD when their fathers bagged their mothers. It makes no sense at all, but it is what it is, and like I always tell the ladies, you have to deal with REALITY and not what you WISH the situation was.

So.. Since guys are called “creeps” for talking to girls and girls are called “sluts” for talking to guys.. Who are women allowed to talk to when they go out to a party, bar or club?… That’s right… Other Women.

So the best thing you can do when you go out (other than have your physical presentation on-point, of course), is to bring a female with you so you don’t have to be bothered with the typical nonsense.

This serves several purposes, including making sure you have fun, interesting & intelligent conversation while you’re hanging out as well as something nice to look at if no other chicks show up to the same party.

Most importantly to this conversation, you’ve brought along your own spy to do your dirty-work for you. If you want to meet a chick that’s sitting at the bar, send your crony /wingwoman / hench-babe to the bar for the next round (where you’ve already set up a tab, so there’s no awkward fumbling with money detracting from her time in the field), tell her which chick(s) to stand next to and strike up a conversation with while she’s trying to order… Chicks like to meet chicks and later, your homegirl can introduce you to the chick you’re trying to bag. Done Deal. Easy Peasy.

This is all well & good, except while your roster of Facebook Friends is steadily increasing, the question becomes…

What’s In It For Her?

What’s the payoff? What’s the kickback? o_O Where does your homegirl see value added to HER LIFE by hooking you up with chicks?

Conventional Wisdom (read: Stupidity) indicates that a good night for a guy is when he gets to hook up with a chick and a good night for a gal is when she AVOIDS hooking up with a guy… Gals like guys as much as guys like gals. The difference is that women have all this mental and emotional garbage that attacks them when they consider hooking up with a guy. “Does he respect me?”, “Is this going to last forever?”, “Is he The One?”, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.. That doesn’t mean that they’re not trying to meet a guy that turns them on. It just means that it’s a lot tougher for them to get what they want. This is where your opportunity to return their favors to you resides.

Especially here in NYC, it’s very tough for women to meet men that they’re satisfied with.

There are a lot of reasons for this. First of all, there are way more women here than men. Second, guys migrate to NYC to succeed in business, not to get into a relationship and get married. They could have done that back in the sticks where they came from.

We also don’t have a lot of “chick-time”, so whatever time we spend with females needs to be……. efficient. >:D .. That whole “Go out with her once a week for a month or two, just to get to ‘first base’” thing doesn’t play here. It’s more like the reviews of “The Social Network” complained about, which was finding out which chicks are sitting on couches at 2am, “drunk & irrelevant”, that might be down for the stroke-ski. (DSS, now known as DTF)

Ultimately, the factors add up to a lot of disappointing relationships for women in this town, and it should be your SWORN DUTY not to add to their misery. Like I said before.. “Use it or Lose it”. If you don’t have any grand designs for her, help her realize her own dreams.

Don’t Hog Prime-Time

Friday night and Saturday night are the times when all the 9-5′ers are allowed outside to play. This is your homegirl’s best time to make a potential “Love Connection” or whatever you’d like to call it.

That’s the time when she needs to be out on the prowl with her homegirls, having a “Ladies’ Night” or pretending that they’re a bachelorette party.

Hopefully, they won’t leave her in the garbage at the end of the night, but the point is that if you don’t have any romantic plans for her, hang out with her between Monday and Thursday, or maybe do a Friday evening dinner, a Saturday afternoon hangout or a Sunday brunch. Just don’t hog up the time when she needs to be in position for some guy to invite her out on a real date.

The other obvious benefit to weekday hangouts is that there are fewer HAWT CHICKS around to distract you from your fellowship-time with your homegirl.

OTOH.. If she WANTS you to hang out with her during Prime-Time, go along with her, but stay on-point as far as what you can do to hook a sistah UP!!! >:D

Dress Her

Do *NOT* let your homegirls dress like their grandmothers when they come to meet you for a night out on the town. Females do this all the time. They figure “I’m only going to hang out with Bill, no need to look Savoir-Faire” and then they invariably look stupid and embarrassed when they see a guy they’d like to meet at the bar you went to and they currently look entirely unpresentable.

Not only is it in your best interest as far as your own Eye Candy, and not only is it in your best interest as far as dudes giving you props instead of elbowing each other, going “Check out that busted chick Bill’s hanging out with”, but it’s in *HER* best interest to look her best at all times because she never knows when that 60-second period’s going to occur during a several-hour hangout where she WISHED she looked good so she could feel confident in trying to get a rap to this guy she didn’t know she was going to meet.

She’s going to protest and she’s not going to understand it. Ignore that and insist that she dresses properly. Veto all items that make her look frumpy and make sure she’s dressed in a way that would catch YOUR eye if you had randomly run into her on the street or at an event.

Introduce Her

Guys are scared to death to talk to chicks. Unfortunately, chicks are even MORE SCARED to approach guys they’d like to meet (.mp3 link. 12 minutes, 18 seconds). This is where you get to pay her back for all those hookups she got you by chatting up other girls at the bar.

Remember when you were a little kid and you were scared to talk to girls? What did you do?… That’s Right.. You had someone else take her a note saying that you liked her. Maybe you were the one that received or carried the notes. Either way, you’re familiar with the technique of the person that’s not intimidated (or, at least, the person with nothing to lose) being the messenger.

If your homegirl’s sweating some guy, find a relatively non-intrusive way to let him know what time it is. Something as simple as pointing over your shoulder and saying “That chick over there wanted to meet you” will do. If you need more ‘connection’ to her, say that your co-worker wanted to meet him, or your lawyer, or your babymommaz best friend.. WHATEVER you have to say to let him know that you’re not kidding and trying to embarrass him by having him approach some chick that neither of you knows and isn’t expecting him to walk over to her.

If dude doesn’t want to move from his spot, tell him she wants to meet him and if he’s down with it, you’ll tell her to walk over there and say “Hi”. If she’s not down for either of those plans, take your drinks and stand around his area with her, talking loudly until he finally turns and looks at her, after which, you unceremoniously disappear so she can get her groove on.

Another technique is to stand around eavesdropping on what team he’s rooting for in the game that’s on television. When you figure it out, have her stand next to him watching the game until the good team scores, so she can yell “HOORAYYYY!!! :D”, at which point, he should turn around and Hi-5 her, kicking off their conversation.

In some cases, you might even have to go wherever SHE likes to go to meet guys. You might end up at the Wine Bar instead of the Sports Bar. You might end up at an outdoor antique furniture show. \o/ .. Just remember that you’re taking one for the team and the sooner you get her hooked up with one of these wine- or antique-liking dudes, the sooner you can stop coming here. :D

Give Her Space

In general, guys don’t want to approach girls that are already talking to guys… I mean, at least so long as those guys look like they might punch you in your face for interrupting their social time with this girl they’re trying to bag or potentially their girlfriend, fiancee or wife.

You might not need to actually talk to a guy that a homegirl of yours wants to meet. If he’s been scoping her and hoping that you step away from her, it might just be enough for you to temporarily vacate the premises.

Stand up near where you’re sitting with her and start making obvious hand gestures, though she can clearly hear what you’re saying since she’s right next to you. If the bar is far away, tip your hand up in the air as if you’re indicating to her that you’re heading to the bar and asking her what drink she’d like you to bring her. If the bathroom’s far away, pat your stomach as if you’re full and just HAVE TO hit the bathroom right now. Both of those situations usually have lines, so it should give him confidence that you’re going to be away from her for quite some time and this is his CHANCE to kick it.

Another good one is to act like your phone just rang, hold it up to your ear, put your finger in your other ear as if you can’t hear and then indicate to her that you’re going outside to take this call. >:D That one works like a charm, except if it’s winter, make sure you take your jacket with you. I did this style one time and was freezing my ass off so my homegirl could get chatted up by this dude. I didn’t actually believe he was going to talk to her, so I thought I was going to be in the cold for like a minute, haha Sucked to be ME! :D

Make sure that there’s a good spot where you can see the action without being seen on your way back. If the rap seems to be going well, stay where you are or go do something else. If it seems like dude is actually a DUD and she’s not enjoying herself, roll back up so he can scamper away to wherever he had been before you hooked up the situation.

Don’t Act Stupid

I know some of you guys don’t know how to act around women, but just try to imagine that you did. Stop clowning and acting like idiots for a second and consider what you’re making your company look like.

If you’re a fool, that means the chick you’re hanging out with knows and tolerates fools. That’s not a good look. If you’re acting crazy, that’s not a good look either. If you can’t hold your liquor, that’s not good either. If you’re acting like her boyfriend when you’re not, that’s not good either.

Don’t tell dudes that ask you about your homegirl that you’re dating her. Just don’t do it. Whether you’re messing with her or not, act like you aren’t, so she has a chance to meet someone that might actually want to become her boyfriend or whatever.

Don’t crush beer cans on your forehead. Don’t make scenes. Don’t start fights. Don’t drink yourself into a stupor so she has to drag your ass outside and put you in a cab home. Imagine that your homegirl is an actual friend of yours as opposed to “Some chick I don’t feel like screwing” and tighten up your game so everyone in your party can make the most out of their evening.

In general.. Avoid doing ANYTHING that would make you change your mind about kickin’ it to a chick after seeing the behavior of the guy(s) she was hanging out with. If you don’t want her for yourself, stop cockblocking. Make yourself useful to her, or make yourself scarce.

Remember….. “Don’t Hate… Facilitate!!!” >:D
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According to the ‘Jersey Shore’ glossary, a Grenade is defined as:

1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend’s behalf. A wingman is required at all times to “dive on the grenade” to ensure your success in the bedroom.

Obviously, those two definitions have nothing to do with each other. I understand why whomever wrote that was confused. The Fellaz changed the description of a Grenade after a couple of episodes, which will throw people off that don’t know what the **** they’re talking about.

DUFFs

Generally, but not always, what they’re describing as a Grenade is actually a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). This is the war-chief that you see when you encounter a pack of females. She’s easily spotted as she’s looking suspiciously around and trying to keep a count of all her girlfriends and whether they’re talking to “creeps” or not.

The DUFF’s job is to go into action when she sees that one of her girls might be planning to give it up to a dude and cockblock him ASAP. She appears like The Great Gazoo to magically destroy your rap.

The reason the DUFF is so on-point is that nobody ever kicks it to her. This leads to excessive bitterness and the deep-seated desire to make sure that her homegirls get as little play as she does. The “D” stands for Designated, as in designated driver. The same way you send that one person to the party that’s not going to drink so they can safely drive the rest of the drunkards home at the end of the night, the DUFF is responsible for making sure none of her girls hook up past maybe the makeout stage.

The reason why the distinction needs to be made between the DUFF and a Grenade is that there are A. LOT. OF. FOYINE. GIRLS. THAT. COCKBLOCK. THEIR. ASSES. OFF!!!

Just because a gal’s good-looking doesn’t exclude her from being a Grenade. In fact, Attractive Grenades are worse than Busted Grenades, so definition #1 needs to be stricken from the record. Expecting only unattractive girls to attempt to defuse your rap is an amateur mindset.

Grenades

Because the Jersey Shore fellaz failed to make the distinction between DUFFs and Grenades, they’ve confused the uninformed public. For instance, this season, Mike mentions how he, Pauly & Vinny were in the hot tub with a bunch of chicks and then he splashed some water on his face and suddenly realized “We’ve got GRENADES, Man!!! :O”.

That comment didn’t make any sense… Grenades would have cockblocked their homegirls from getting in the hot tub to begin with. Meanwhile, the girls in the tub were throwing sex at the guys left and right. They were definitely DTF (Down To ****).

What Mike SHOULD have said was “When I splashed water on my face, I realized that we had brought home girls that I wouldn’t have admitted to anybody that I kicked it with, except it’s on videotape and broadcast worldwide on televison and the internet.”

The funny thing about statements like that is how Mike is continually surprised at the visual quality of girls he pulls when it’s been a running joke throughout the entire two seasons of Jersey Shore that he and Pauly will bring back anything they can to the house at the end of the night. If splashing water on his face made him realize what the girls HE brought home actually looked like, that’s his fault for removing his own Beer Goggles.

The Original Grenade

We met an actual Grenade in ‘Jersey Shore’ season 01. I believe this is where the confusion of the term came from.

The Fellaz were snapping on this girl for two different reasons which match up to the glossary definition. They found her to be visually unattractive, AND the entire time she was on screen, she was liable to cockblock Mike.

She actually had no reason to be at the house. Pauly didn’t want to hit it, so that meant he had to babysit her so his boy Mike could get laid.

The Jersey Shore guys call this typical wingman tactic “Falling on the Grenade”. Basically, you have to ruin your evening hanging out with some chick just to distract her. The benefit is that your boy gets to tag up on the actual target chick AND that you feel your boy would do the same thing for you if you met a girl you wanted to bring back to the hot tub and the only way she was coming over was if she brought her Grenade-ass girlfriend with her.

So.. Regardless of her looks, she had to be stopped from destroying Mike’s rap, so she was named “The Grenade”.

The GFF

The GFF is the Grenade-Free Foundation, which supports a Grenade-Free America. :D

That really doesn’t have anything to do with cockblockers. It actually has to do with the level of visual quality of the girls these guys pull from the club.

This season, Vinny said that Mike & Pauly would bring home stray dogs from the club if they couldn’t get anything else. Last season, Ronnie and his boys were snapping all over Mike & Pauly saying that nothing they brought home was anywhere near Sammi’s (housemate and Ronnie’s girlfriend) quality.

In their defense, the only girls that are going to show up on a television show are the ones that agree to sign the releases, so it’s entirely possible that MTV is only showing the Grenades the fellaz pull and never the hawt chicks because none of them agree to be shown.

So, the GFF is a state of mind, really… It’s one man’s resolve that if a chick isn’t what he considers to be an 8, 9, or 10 (rating her looks from 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive), he’s not bringing her home or trying to hook up with her.

The obvious problem with this is that guys would rather hook up with a 7, 6 or 5 than NOT HOOK UP with a better-looking female. It’s better to have mediocre-looking chicks in the hot tub than to get no rap at all from hawt girls.

Hunting

It’s all part of the game of Hunting.

When you hit the streets, you’re seeing what you can come up with for that night.

Due to circumstances or the environment, you might not even have access to a chick that’s better than a 6 the entire evening.

You might have access to 8′s or 9′s, but they’re not going for your rap style.. What then? \o/

It’s either hook up with the sub-par chicks that WANT to hook up with you or go home, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

So.. Unfortunately, The GFF doesn’t exist except in the hearts and minds of guys that are willing to adhere to the terms of the concept.

It’s a fun thing to say… Grenade-Free America!!!! :D but it’s not realistic. Vinny may or may not have hooked up with Snooki this season and he was obviously embarrassed about having slept in the same bed with her… That’s what happens. That’s how life goes.

It’s nice to claim that you only hook up with hawt chicks, but that only works for two sets of guys.. The guys that ACTUALLY only hook up with top-notch-looking women and the guys that successfully keep their exploits with sub-par chicks under the hat.

Neither one of those categories apply to the dudes on ‘Jersey Shore’. :D HAHAHA The only reason you need to declare a Grenade-Free America is that you have to stop YOURSELF from partaking in the Grenades.

Unfortunately.. Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much because at the end of the night, several Grenades in the hot tub trumps zero FOYINE girls in the hot tub and the GFF or GFA will remain a state of mind that guys aspire to but never actually achieve.

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I dropped my e-Stalking series in 2008.

At the time, I was talking about asynchronously getting to know someone by reading their blog posts, listening to their podcasts, watching their videos & live streams and coming to your own conclusion about who they are, what they’re like and what they like to do without them ever knowing that you exist.

e-Stalking makes perfect sense because people tend to share what they care about online to the degree that they’re willing to be judged by what they wrote. Trust Me.. You can learn way more about someone in 20 minutes of consuming their media than you can during 20 minutes of banter with them and three other people standing around at an IRL social function.

I’ve personally been amazed by and appreciative of the number of people that have complimented me on my dating, social media or video blogging. Some of the experiences I’ve had with this which stand out to me to this very day are with my Bre P., Tim S., Jessica V., Corinne & Meg, and my own cousin whom I had no idea read blogs at all, much less mine. I can’t explain the personally-world-changing feelings that I’ve received from those particular genuine, heartfelt interactions/reactions to something I do because I like to do it and because I WANT to do it. Thanks again, to all the readers, whether you’re lurkers or regulars like Fishingrod, Frank, Steve, C-Jay, etc.

Fast Forward two years to present-day 2010 and e-Stalking has evolved from being strictly online to also being offline (f2f, IRL) thanks to location-based services (LBS).

A LBS allows you to inform people where you are at a particular time, usually via GPS location from your cell phone. This is only slightly different from Twittering where you are or having someone else Twitter that they’re hanging out with you because there’s currently no location confirmation on Twitter. You can say you’re at Tavern On The Green (in Manhattan) when you’re actually in The Bronx. The LBS marks down what was said, who said it, where they were when they said it and how long ago they were in that location. Obviously, you can see the delectable stalkability in these apps. >:D

Practical Applications

Other than working for clients, just about everything I do is on the fly. It’s rare that I know what I’ll be doing two hours from now because I never know what I want to do until I want to do it. I use LBS primarily to make exit decisions. If I know I’m leaving location A and heading for location B, I’ll check to see if anyone I want to catch up with IRL is in the area I’m leaving. This worked out for me just last week as a matter of fact, because I found out that Scott B., whom I’ve known of online for ages already was currently in a crowded party I was about to leave. Thanks to the LBS, I got to introduce myself to him IRL before bouncing to the next spot.

Another time was rather interesting because a female friend of mine “checked in” to a restaurant that was close to a spot I was leaving, so I passed by to say “Hi”. I actually walked by her because I was looking for a group and then on my way back out of the restaurant, I saw she was sitting at a small table with a dude… YIKES!!! :O .. A DATE!!! :D

So I tried to sneak out past them, but didn’t make it. She asked me to sit down with them, so (sorry dude! :D) I sat for about 3 1/2 minutes, which felt like 20 minutes so as not to dis her invitation but not to trample his date at the same time. Ain’t Goin’ Out. Like. That! ;)

BTW.. I do this all the time.. Not trample on guy’s dates, but check my surroundings for people I want to catch up with, so if you don’t like it, go ahead and delete me now. thxkbai :D

foursquare.com/BillCammack
gowalla.com/users/BillCammack

The time that prompted me to write this post happened a bunch of months ago, though I’m just getting around to writing about it now. Damien B. & Owen S. had checked in to Lily’s Bar/Restaurant at Roger Smith Hotel, which happened to be located between my current points A & B, and “shouted” (announced via text message on the LBS) a tweetup.

When I rolled in, both guys said “hi” to me and one of them asked me who I was there to meet up with. I replied “You”, which caused them to look puzzled. :D We then got into a discussion about stalking and how people don’t understand the potential safety issues of announcing where you are and/or what you’re doing. Of course, this is 2000x more important for females, since they tend to have more fans/stalkers than males as well of this false sense of security they’ve derived from believing that everyone subscribes to “Men should never hit women”.

Who’s Paying Attention?

I currently have 189 Gowalla contacts and 381 Foursquare contacts, mostly overlapping, so let’s say that when I check in somewhere, I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see one or more out of ~450 people show up to the same location. That’s slightly exaggerated because lots of my contacts are currently in other states or countries and can’t just roll up wherever I happen to be. Even if we take that number down to 100 people, that’s STILL a lot to consider every time you use a LBS.

On top of your personal followers, there are the people that follow friends of yours that you’re hanging out with. You might not check in, but if your friend checks in and “shouts” that they’re with *you*, you’re spotted. If they Twitter and @reply you, you’re spotted. If they twitpic, yfrog, Ustream, Qik, Livestream or Bambuser you, you’re spotted. Same thing goes to a degree with Loopt, Latitude & Brightkite.

Also, let’s not forget that a lot of people push each status update to several other sites, so when they shout you out on Twitter, it goes to their Facebook and Friendfeed and Buzz and everywhere else on the planet where they feel people are paying attention to them.. So while you THINK you’re secluded somewhere having private drinks, you’re really sitting out in the open, electronically…. virtually…

There are two obvious ways around this.. 1) Don’t add anybody on LBS that you wouldn’t want to come see you if you checked in somewhere, and 2) don’t check in. If you’re serious about your privacy for a hangout, make sure everyone knows ahead of time that it’s a NOBLOG blackout. Everybody goes electronically off the grid until it’s over or everyone elects to make it a public event. Depending on the situation, you might want to call a total media blackout (no mentions, no pictures, no video), because we all know that if nobody blogs it, it never happened. ;)

I finally got around to writing this because I read an article by Melissa Jun Rowley about stalkerism that she and acquaintances of hers have been victimized by. You should definitely check her post out if you want to hear some weird ish. Personally, I don’t take calls on MY OWN PHONE, so I’m damned sure not taking calls on restaurant & gym phones, but I guess that’s how some people roll. \o/

Fools Rush In

The bottom line is that every time someone comes up with new technology, people rush out to utilize it. When I’m new to a service or app, I immediately look for the people that have 10x or 100x the followers I have on it to see how they’re using it and what traps they’re falling in. I add that to my own in-the-trenches research and decide what I’m going to do.

Unfortunately, most people just aren’t into the nitty-gritty of how this stuff works for AND against you and they’re very happy to tell people “I’m eating a sandwich on 34th and 2nd” and then “I’m watching a movie on 42nd and 8th” all day long, for what reason I have no clue. Granted.. *MOST* of us aren’t popular enough that just because we said we were going somewhere, someone invites themselves to come hang out with us. Trust & Believe that it happens, it’s happened TO ME, and I have witnesses from all the way back in 2008, before LBS were even AVAILABLE, to 2010.

If you’re not willing to have someone show up at a party or event you’re attending, take evasive measures, (including telling your friends not to say you’re there) or eject from LBS entirely. Melissa mentions Personal Brand Promotion and Brand Loyalty as reasons to check in, but you can shout out events and show your support without even being there, like “MashBash is happening @ Roger Smith Hotel tonight!!!”. There’s no benefit to posting “I am currently at MashBash in RSH in the penthouse in the room to the left after you exit the elevators around the corner next to the snacks”.

It’s 2010 now. A lot of people that you know and hang out with are celebrities, whether they or you know it or not or whether you like it or not. Everybody that outputs Social Media is building communities of fans & detractors that face off against each other on the back-channel over something you said or did. You don’t have to be a movie star to get stalked. You don’t even have to do anything that YOU think is extraordinary. It’s all about what your Fans think is extraordinary about you and makes them gravitate towards you.

I know it sounds stupid and perhaps self-centered, but if you’re heavily involved in Social Media, it’s really in your best interest to Act As If you’re a celebrity, certainly not meaning being snobbish towards people, but certainly meaning taking the same precautions someone that *YOU* think is famous or interesting would take to attempt to ensure their own privacy and safety.

Remember… “Fan” is short for Fanatic.

Related Posts

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The way the dating game works, guys have to be the aggressors and girls choose from the suitors who present themselves. There are several reasons for this, including women attempting to avoid the stigma of being considered hoes for stepping up front and telling a guy what they really want to do with him. Another reason is that gals tend to be more relationship-based, while guys are more get-laid-based.

What this creates is an uneven playing field where guys are always playing offense and girls are always playing defense. I had a rare opportunity, recently, to watch a creep operate… Let me back up a bit…

What/Who is a Creep?

A creep isn’t defined by tactics. A creep is defined by whether a chick wants to kick it to him or not. If a girl likes you, you can say just about anything you want to her, and she’ll go for it. She wants you to want her. She’s excited that she excites you. You can literally walk up to a chick and say “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” and she’ll make out with you, because that’s what she’s been daydreaming about this whole time since she first saw you…. kissing you, not you saying some corny, meaningless line.

So, a creep is a guy that a chick DOESN’T want to talk to her, but insists on talking to her anyway. He could be the most polite, well read, gentlemanly blah blah blah but if she’s not interested, he’s a nuisance that she needs to get rid of ASAP. Not only is he annoying, but he’s taking up space where a guy that she REALLY wants to meet could be standing and she could be enjoying herself.

So I had been about to say “I recently got to see a creep operate”, but that’s not actually true. I’ve seen creeps operate lots of times, except they’ve been friends of mine, so I’ve been hoping that they get on. Sometimes, the creep was ME! :D What I should have said was that I had the rare opportunity to watch some creep I don’t know operate, and because of that, I can now write up my favorite tips on how to *NOT* be a creep:

Don’t interrupt people’s conversations

If you want to be seen as a creep off the bat, jump into someone’s conversation as if they invited you. I know you have your agenda and you want to kick it ASAP before someone else pulls her, but rolling up uninvited sets off the first alarm that you don’t know how to respect people’s wishes. If nobody was paying attention to you and then you appear like “TA-DAAAA!”, you’re immediately a nuisance and have just dug your rap into a hole that you’re going to have to waste your time digging yourself out of. Instead of starting at ZERO, you start at negative-whatever, because you couldn’t find a decent way to join the group.

If a chick is by herself, that’s a different story. You STILL need to enquire as far as whether she’d like for you to hang out with her or not. Don’t just roll up on a chick that’s standing there with nothing to do and assume that listening to your sap rap is BETTER for her to do than doing nothing at all.

If you ask her and she wants you to leave, sure, keep trying, but if you can’t turn her quickly, break north before she informs the rest of her girlfriends in the area that you’re a creep, jacking up other opportunities you might have had if you had played it cool.

Don’t invade people’s space

Different countries have different distances at which people stand when they engage each other. It’s in your best interest to be outside of any uncomfortable range that she might have. It’s better to appear socially standoffish than annoyingly aggressive or overbearing.

This is one of the reasons you want to avoid places where the music is too loud. You want to be able to hear and be heard without standing “on top” of the chick. Whatever advances you’re making with your verbal game are being negated by her feeling uncomfortable about the fact that you’re standing so close to her.

If you gain/build rapport with her, fine.. move in closer. Other than that, keep your distance so she’s not contemplating cracking you in your grill with that beer bottle in her hand if you make any sudden moves. Your goal is to make her feel comfortable with you, not WARY.

Don’t be a blithering idiot (don’t slur your speech)

This is a tough one, because who actually KNOWS when they’re drunk and slurring? Basically, do your best NOT to seem like an out-of-control drunk when you kick your game. Again, this adds to her paranoia and blocks her from feeling comfortable around you. As corny as you were from butting into her conversation in the first place and invading her space in the second, you REALLY don’t want her to feel that you might do some weirdo ish just because you’ve had too much to drink already tonight and you can’t be trusted.

Make up your mind what you’re going to do tonight. Either get drunk and whoop it up or just get ‘buzzed’ or ‘tipsy’ and keep your rap game intact. Your goal is either to Get Nice or Get On… Choose ONE!

Don’t touch people

I’ve seen this for years, but never really thought much about it. Unless you have a well thought-out plan, Do NOT Touch People that haven’t invited you to touch them or that you haven’t built a level of rapport with where you FEEL like they might be cool with you touching them.

It’s a basic club tactic for guys to see a girl going by that they want to screw and grab her arm as she walks through a crowd. On the one hand, this makes sense, because clubs are dark AND loud and there’s no other way to get her attention. This style also seems to make sense because there are a lot of girls that go for this. A lot of girls will actually stop and talk to the guy that just grabbed them because they enjoy the attention. They enjoy that he wanted them so much that he just “Couldn’t let her walk by” without saying something to them.

The fact of the matter is that it’s an invasion of privacy and an indicator that his behavior is going to be much more aggressive when he finally gets her alone somewhere. If that’s the image you want to project to chicks, go right ahead and keep grabbing them. You’re either amplifying or destroying your rap. They’re either going to love it or hate it, and in most cases, you’re making more work for yourself than you need to. Stop touching people. If you NEED to meet her, follow her to wherever she’s going, catch her eye and then introduce yourself.

If you insist on continuing with this behavior, at least make sure you grab the arm where she has the beer bottle in her hand so you’re less likely to need stitches later this evening.

Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to answer yourself

I know it’s a regular tactic to fake it as if you want to talk to chicks by talking to them. If you had it like that, you would have walked up to her, said “Let’s get out of here” and she would have left with you and you would have done what you wanted with her. Since you DON’T have it like that, don’t play yourself by asking personal questions.

Why in the hell would a chick that you just met by rolling up uninvited and invading her space feel like telling you where she lives? How old she is? What she ate for dinner? Whether she has a boyfriend? Does that make sense to you?

Leave that stuff out. Everybody knows you’re trying to make smalltalk. Everybody knows you’re biding your time until you can figure out how to get laid. Don’t bother trying to mask it with social banter. If you insist on doing this, keep it impersonal. “How do you like this place?”, “Have you checked out XYZ bar?”, “How do you like the music?”

If you ask personal questions, they’re going to backfire on you when she asks YOU what you just asked HER. How old are YOU? Where do YOU live? See that? All of a sudden, YOU’RE on the defensive and responding in vague and deceptive manners which unearth your true intentions anyway. So do yourself a favor and don’t ask any questions you wouldn’t want to answer yourself.

Do remember what people said

Also, if you INSIST on talking to chicks as a way to stay in the game until you can get laid, try to REMEMBER what they said. If you ask a chick where she’s from and she says she’s from Indiana and moved to NYC three years ago, don’t turn around 5 minutes later and go “So… How long have you lived here?” .. See, you look like a clown, or an idiot, or like you really are, which is that you don’t give a damn what she’s saying and you’re only running your mouth until you can get her alone and get to the nitty-gritty… Which leads us to our final tip:

Don’t be transparent

In the Social Media world, the term “transparency” has become synonymous with positive behavior. It’s basically being up-front with your company’s beliefs, policies, influences and motives. This doesn’t work in the dating world, because your entire plan is to be deceptive and work your way to your desired outcome.

Therefore, being transparent belies everything you’ve been trying to do. Don’t make conversation and then have it be obvious that you’re not interested in what she has to say. Don’t say you’re not trying to have sex with her and then do your best to see what you can get. Don’t cross the entire room to ask her if she has the time when you just walked past several people with watches. Stick to your plan and ride it out to the end.

If you don’t feel like you can do that, then don’t bother playing games at all. Step to her, let her know what you want and then either get it or don’t get it. Otherwise, she’s going to know that you’re going to say ANYTHING you have to to get her to do what you want and your credibility and rapport are going right down the drain.

You’re really better off just going for it, because at least you can get the respect of not having tried to cheat her into sex. You can also get the respect of not having wasted her time, trying for like 30 minutes to talk her into something she didn’t want to do for you in the first place. She’ll also appreciate your not blocking her ops with other guys that she might ACTUALLY want to talk to or mess with. Who knows? You might get lucky and she might approach YOU later in the evening, being that you were the only guy that didn’t try to run game, was up front with what he wanted and wasn’t overbearing or a JERK when she wasn’t interested.

You might also luck out and she might send you a girlfriend of hers that didn’t get any raps tonight and actually likes how you look. Regardless… It’s in YOUR best interest to NOT come off as a CREEP if you want to maximize your efficiency with chicks. Believe me… It gets around faster that you think. :)

~Bill

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