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Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek

Bill Cammack — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:57:04 +0000

Lindz & Bill present the top 10 reasons why you should actively seek out geeks for dating, relationships or marriage:

Geeks are always played down in the John Cusack / John Hughes movies, but you’ll notice they always end up with that monumental kiss at the end of the movie, indicating that a long-lasting and loving relationship ensued.

I’ll bet you wondered why they write movies that way… Well, wonder no more!!! Here’s why geeks > EVERYBODY as far as dating! :D

1. You can learn a lot about them by going to their website – usually www.theirname.com. They will have a site.

L: What’s a geek without a site? A fake geek. Google them and you can probably find everything you need to know about them – hell – their favorite food, color and even their blood type. Just be careful though, you can also bet that they have a secret tracking service to track your IP address, so you may want to do this from your local public library.

B: FRLZ! If you can’t go to LindseyChen.com or BillCammack.com and get all the information you need to determine whether you’d like to meet this person or not, they need to turn in their geek credentials.

Even Worse… If you can’t Google Lindsey Chen or Google Bill and find them within the top 10 entries for their name, they’re probably not authentic geeks at all! :/

2. They don’t have time to cheat on you because they’re working on their startup.

B: Geeks have a severely limited amount of time allocated to social interaction. That’s why they buy dogs instead of having kids. Dogs don’t need to be taught English or how to play baseball. They also don’t need a college fund. Anyway… You can be that your Geeky Significant Other is spending every DROP of socialization they can muster on YOU! :D If they say they’re working late, they actually ARE! If they say they’re out having drinks, they’re STILL discussing their business, not trying to get raps. Until they “get bought”, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about! :D

L: And when they’re out drinking, you know they’re really not. Refer to #9. One of the main reasons they like to work on their startup is because they’re a geek and we all know they have very limited social skillz. So why spend the time being socially awkward while trying to talk to a girl in a bar when they can be at their computer? The computer understands, it doesn’t talk back and it will certainly give you the time of day. Plus, you never have to buy it dinner or worry if its cheating on you ;)

3. Their idea of girl watching is going to images.google.com and typing in “girls”.

L: I mean, honestly… Why would they even think about getting in their car – better yet strapping on their rollerblades and heading down to the local mall or Starbucks to go girl watching? They have their computer, they can easily type in “GIRLS” and mostly likely they can also hack into the site to steal the pictures afterwards. It’s an all around win-win situation for both, eh?

B: Absolutely. “Going Places” is completely inefficient. Real chicks have become obsolete, due to the plethora of free internet porno options available. Sure, they’re nice to look at and all that, but in the time it takes to get them to give it up, you could have handled the business already.

4. You introduce them to The Beatles (or any other good band) and they think you’re the best music talent scout ever.

B: Geeks are normally only exposed to middle-of-the-road Hipster Music that gets passed around on social media sites, like this:

They’re not used to music with actual drive or meaning. Introduce them to a band or artist from a period when they actually had to write good lyrics and play good music to get a record deal, and they’ll thank you profusely for it. ;)

L: Exactly. If all they ever hear is the crappy internet music and they think that’s good, can you imagine the light you can shed on them when you tell them to listen to something worth listening to?.. Take it one step further and buy them a CD… After all, it’s not always all about Limewire or iTunes.

5. You never have to pay customer support to figure out why your website isn’t working.

L: How annoying is it to call customer support all the time to try and fix your website, computer or anything else on the internet? Do you know what DHCP or HTML means? Me neither, but that’s why you have a geek boyfriend/girlfriend. 24 hour support ’round the clock style, and the best part is that you’re not on hold for 2 hours! Hallelujah!

B: No doubt. A few back massages and some “special attention” ;) and there’s no need for you to call Kansas… and be re-routed to India.

6. You know that they googled sexual positions and skillz.

Lux Alptraum & Bill Cammack

B: Don’t you just hate it when you get down to the Nitty-Gritty with someone and only THEN figure out that their entire sexual style was derived from emulating late-night softcore movies on Showtime or HBO?

Forget all that! Just the way they studied for their SATs, geeks study YOUR BODY and figure out the most efficient & expedient ways to get you where you need to go! Satisfaction Guaranteed!.. Capisce??? :D

L: hahaha This is sad, but so true, so you need not worry if you’re the first person they’ve ever been with or the 2nd. (Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves).. And to make things even better, you know they’re clean! – They can probably read off every symptom of ever STD known to mankind, courtesy of google.com, of course.

7. Their idea of a great bachelor party is all meeting up and going on a WoW raid.

L: Going back to the notion that geeks like to “do it online” rather than IRL, this is really a benefit for you… Why go out and get drunk with a stripper when you can kill people or stalk people or do whatever the hell you do on a WOW raid? So much more fun… And you don’t even have to get dressed up to do it!

B: hahaha Not to mention, with the number of chicks on YouTube doing “live shows” where they show more T&A than their actual faces, there’s no point in hitting The Wedge or Scores anymore. Just mute the volume on your computer so their nasal vocal tones and inane babbling don’t distract you from checking out their bodies & it’s INSTANT BACHELOR PARTY! WOOOOOO! :D

8. They’re easy to shop for. They wear the same clothes you do.

B: This is one of the benefits of dating chicks that look good in flannel lumberjack shirts, black jeans and black boots. They look cool and hawt at the same time, and you don’t have to worry about getting stranded at their crib after a night of partying, because you know they have something for you to wear the next day.

Also, you get to avoid being photographed while buying her a gift in Victoria’s Secret and becoming a laughing stock on Facebook.

L: This is true, however the flipside may not be so true. I wouldn’t like to see my boyfriend wearing a skirt and heels. I think the main point is that geeks can’t tell if its designer or if its Wal-Mart brand, so no need to impress. In fact, they’ll be happier that you spent $5 on a t-shirt than $100 bucks and most likely they’ll never know. Prada.. what?

9. They’re too scared to drink because the might get drunk, therefore you always have a Designated Driver.

L: Being a geek doesn’t mean that you don’t drink. It just means that it not only kills brain cells but it can also get you drunk and take it that critical step further, where you could do something you regret! Geeks are way too “smart” to drink and lose their inhibitions. I mean WHO DOES THAT??? :X

B: COMPLETELY! hehe.. This is the Facebook Age. You can’t afford to get blitzed and end up getting tagged in a picture making out with a cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton.

10. No interference from outsiders. You’re the only one that thinks they’re HAWT.

B: Yeah, your geek-boyfriend has ZERO muscle tone, but he’s googled how to maximize what little athleticism he has to make it happen for you! ;) .. Yeah, your geek-girlfriend looks like a stick figure in her flannel shirt & non-fitting jeans, but her body’s actually BANGIN’, and WATCH OUT if you get her on the dance floor! :D Fortunately, nobody knows these things but YOU, so you can divert all energies from turf-defense and devote them all to enjoying your personal diamond in the rough! ;)

L: Yeah, skinny guys are hot. And if you ever get in a fight with them, you know that you can easily take them… With one arm!… The only problem is that you may want to solicit some extra help on moving day.

Lindz: LindseyChen.com | twitter.com/LindseyChen
Bill: BillCammack.com | twitter.com/BillCammack

Read more posts in the Lindz & Bill category!

Money Talks… Don’t Overdo It.

Bill Cammack — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:34:52 +0000

If you’re into buying chicks but you don’t want to look like a trick, make sure you don’t overdo it as far as how fine the chick is compared to how YOU look.

Granted, we all want to bang the hottest chicks… It’s how guys are built. However, if your goal is to look like a playboy rather than a customer, make sure you hire chicks that people actually BELIEVE you could have possibly pulled on your own.

Nobody’s impressed with someone that happens to have an extra $4,000 that they’re willing to toss at a chick to do what regular chicks will do in the bar bathroom for free.

It’s like in the movie “Gladiator”. Russell Crowe is a MAN. He steps to the front lines and does what needs to be done. Joaquin Phoenix is a HERB, but he happens to be the ruler’s son, so he wants respect. His respect is entirely dependent upon people’s reverence towards his father. He has no individual props of his own. Russell is respected everywhere he goes, because his track record of honor and valor and being a straight-up WARRIOR rings bells everywhere he goes.

Similarly, if one of your goals in kickin’ it to chicks is to be seen as a player, make sure the chicks LOOK like as if they’re not on the payroll. The reason I bring this up is that some guys are actually interested in how attractive OTHER GUYS think the girl they’re with is. They really get a kick out of that. Basically, you want to seem like the type of guy that ladies actually LIKE and would spend time with instead of a guy that has a ton of money to waste and consistently patronizes hookers.

If you’re just not interested in any chicks that aren’t top-notch as far as looks and sexual ability, keep it under the hat. I was hanging out in a hotel bar one night that had a glass wall which allowed a full view of the hotel lobby leading to the elevators. I wasn’t facing the lobby, but I saw the guys I was talking to ALL focusing on the same thing, which was apparently moving slowly from my left to my right. I turn around to see what they’re looking at, and it’s this dude in a suit, leading these two chicks to the elevators. It was clear the guy wasn’t “dating” either one of them, but rather was delivering the merchandise to the client’s room. My response to that was “heh… Looks like someone ordered out”.

Would I have given credit to whomever (or however many guys) got to tag up on those chicks? Nope. It’s pretty much like a car. You might have a nice car, but anybody else that has that amount of money to spend on a car can have the exact same thing. No props.

I saw an even better one (again, in a hotel) where this middle-aged, no-looks-having dude was literally surrounded by like six asian chicks that didn’t speak A WORD of English while I was listening in. It was absolute madness. He could afford them, so more power to him, but does he get props for that? Nope. He couldn’t have actually pulled ONE of those women, let alone SIX! hahaha.. I hope they were a write-off.

See, it’s one thing, like if you’re a celebrity, like… say… Charlie Sheen… to pull a random name out of a hat. :)

If you’re a celebrity, you require DISCRETION. It’s important that the chick looks good, so you’re motivated to tap that, but it’s just as important for her to STFU after the fact. That’s what you’re paying the money for. You can’t afford to mess with some random chick that’s going to go running her mouth all over creation because she’s star-struck.

It’s actually kind of funny. I’ve met several women who used to date Rock Stars and Baseball Players and even more than 10 years after the fact, it’s STILL a feather in their caps. It’s a brand of quality to them that this particularly picky person chose them to have sex with and dated them for a period of time. That’s all well and good until some chick decides to Monica Lewinsky you and your business is all in the streets.

On top of that, you could actually imagine that one of these hookers was actually dating Charlie Sheen. He’s a famous Hollywood guy from a dynasty of actors and he’s been known to date models & actresses anyway, so hookers aren’t that far removed from that set. What about YOU though?

If you’re normally seen with regular chicks and then all of a sudden, this stunning broad appears out of nowhere, all hugged up on you like as if you were the last Louis Vuitton bag in New York City… Everybody knows that’s not your girl… She’s an employee.

~Bill

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