In general, you don’t EVER want to date a sociopath, but sometimes, a chick is just too FOYINE and you’re gonna have to live with it.

Business is Business! >:D

If you decide to go ahead and hook up with her, there are quite a few issues you’re going to have to deal with, which wikipedia has outlined for us:

• Persistent lying or stealing
• Apparent lack of remorse or empathy for others
• Cruelty to animals
• Poor behavioral controls — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper
• A history of childhood conduct disorder
• Recurring difficulties with the law
• Promiscuity
• Tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others
• Aggressive, often violent behavior; prone to getting involved in fights
• Inability to tolerate boredom
• Disregard for right and wrong
• Poor or abusive relationships
• Irresponsible work behavior
• Disregard for safety

As you know.. Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures, so you’re going to have to utilize some special tactics in order to regulate your relationship to your FOYINE sociopath:

Persistent lying or stealing

Set up surveillance cameras in your crib and routinely drop $5 bills on the floor in plain sight of the cameras.

Let her consistently steal the money and lie to you about it.

Ask her again if she stole the money and when she lies to you, play an edited videotape of her in different clothes on different days picking up money off your floor.

Embarrassment Factor should be high enough to make her assume you’re always taping her and curb her stealing from you.

Cruelty to animals

Don’t buy any pets. If you do, hide them when she comes around.

Recurring difficulties with the law

Leave her ass in jail. Don’t bail her out.

Inform the detective privately that she was with you during the time that the crime was committed, but make a deal where she overhears you telling him “WHAT??? NAH!!! She wasn’t with ME at that time! :O”. That way, she doesn’t expect you to act as an alibi for her and is less likely to commit another crime, thinking you have her back.

In fact, you *might* want to hook it up so she gets arrested for no reason, just so you can perform that skit with the detective and hopefully preempt her criminal behavior.

Tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others

Lie to her about what your boundaries are. Make them really simple things so she violates often and you get to discipline her on a regular basis.

Mix up your punishments.. Don’t return her texts for a week. Return her texts with meaningless one-liners. Hook up with her then immediately claim you have a doctor’s appointment and bounce. Cancel dates on her at the very last second. Say you’re going to the bathroom while y’all are on a date and stick her with the check.

Make her respect your ‘Jerk Swag’ and she’ll see you as a peer instead of a Herb and start doing the right thing.

Aggressive, often violent behavior; prone to getting involved in fights

Make sure she’s aware that if she runs her mouth and starts the beef, she’s gonna be the one hannlin’ the biznezz by herself.

Deliberately bring her around tough homegirls of yours that you know like to fight. Tell them to take anything she says to them as an affront and scream “WHAT??? WHAT YOU SAID??? :O”.

This should either get her used to watching what she says or get her tired of getting her ass beat. Either way, you win. :D

Poor or abusive relationships

This is a tough one. Since she’s such a JERK, she’s probably had guys use and abuse her for years already. Your job is to let her know that you like, care about and love her without letting her walk all over you because she’s used to being treated poorly.

Do stuff for her because you feel like it and not in order to get something in return. Let her know you did it because you feel like she deserves it. When she does the right thing, make sure she knows that you noticed and appreciated it.

Just in case you need to do “Good Cop, Bad Cop” on her, keep the tough girls on deck to whip up on that AZZ!!! >:D

Apparent lack of remorse or empathy for others

This isn’t really a problem. You don’t care whether she feels badly about what she did. You just want her to NOT do the wrong thing.

Keep your eyes on the prize. You’re just making it so you can tolerate the downtime between tappin’ that. This isn’t “My Fair Lady”. Nobody cares where The Rain In Spain falls. :D

Promiscuity

Tell her something like “Yeah!.. Enjoy the club tonight!… I hope like TEN DUDES tap that, you’re so damned easy! :/”.

Her desire to be a JERK and do everything opposite to what you tell her should compel her to keep her legs closed in order to spite you and prove you wrong that she’s not actually a ho.

If this backfires, and she DOES end up hooking up with several guys that evening, make sure she gets paid for it and brings you the money.

Related Posts

• How To NOT Get A Date [Hunters, Part 10]
• Google Your Date?
• How To Approach Women
• Appreciate Your Girlfriend
• How To Marry A Prince

If you’d like to know how to get a date, make sure you DON’T do what Vinny did this week on MTV’s “Jersey Shore”. :D

Dating

10 months ago, in November 2009, I explained that I don’t date in my post “Dating vs. Hanging Out”. There’s no reason to go on dates. I hang out with chicks and either they get lucky or they don’t.

So it was funny to me this week to hear Pauly breaking it down about how he never goes on dates, so now that he’s met a girl he wants to take somewhere, he’s nervous about how the evening’s going to go and he wants to do things right.

It was also funny watching Mike take that chick to the bar bathroom, since that’s something I talked about three years ago, back in November 2007, in “Take Her To The Book Store”, where I said:

“Now, obviously, taking a chick to a book store doesn’t help you to get on, ASAP… which is the entire reason you took her out in the first place. If you didn’t want to tap that, you wouldn’t be on a date with her. You’d be HANGING OUT. So, since she considered herself on a date, the job of the guy was to demonstrate to her WHY she should be his girlfriend/fiancee/wife, whatever he has in mind for her. All he was expressing to her by taking her to the book store was that he DIDN’T intend to hit it anytime soon, and he’d rather read a book then try to get her alone in a bar bathroom with a couch and a lock on the door.”

Double-Dating

So the scene was set for Pauly and Vinny to go on a double-date in this week’s episode. This created too many problems to count, but let’s go over a few of the facts…

Pauly is the Jersey Shore team leader when it comes to getting girls. People think it’s Mike because the squeaky wheel gets the oil. If you’ve watched the entire series so far, Pauly hunts for quantity but prefers quality. Mike will take anything he can get. This is going to make Mike look like the squad leader, but he’s more like that dude you send to kick it to a pack of eight chicks because you know he’ll do it. Doesn’t matter whether he wins or loses, he’ll dive in headfirst.

Vinny is the rookie recently brought up from the minor leagues. This is alluded to boldly stated throughout the series. In fact, recently, Vinny pulled a chick on his own, and the fellaz were obviously and visibly surprised that he actually succeeded.

Vinny ALSO hooked up with both Nicole and Angelina, the two lowest chicks on the totem pole out of the four female cast members. Nicole climbed on top of him while he was already in bed and she was horny. Angelina started making out with him in a cab coming from the club and gave him some when they got home because she was horny. Neither one of those situations was engineered by Vinny. Both chicks just… fell into his lap. :D

There’s nothing wrong with Vinny being an amateur. Everyone has to start somewhere. I’m saying that in general, this isn’t a good combination. You NEVER want to double-date with a wingman that’s not on your level. You’re going to have to babysit his rap the entire time. You have to hope the girl he invites has some quality and class to her. You have to hope he doesn’t bring up STUPID TOPICS during the evening. You have to hope she’s not some idiot that’s going to cause a scene and ruin the night for YOU and your date. You have to hope that he knows when to break off and take his chances with his girl so you can have private time with yours without telling him directly to break out. You have to hope that you aren’t dragged down by your chick thinking that you must be similar to him because you’re homeboys….

So the situation was poor to begin with, even *IF* Pauly had been comfortable with and used to taking chicks out on dates.

You have to actually be STYLISH to date women successfully. All you need to hook up is to look good to a chick, have some money or fame or catch her when she’s drunk enough to give it up. Moving up from hookups to dating is like a fighter moving up in weight class. Your opponents are heavier, tougher to damage and hit harder. You’re going to be less mobile and your punches are going to be slower. It’s a serious upgrade, and this ‘Jersey Shore’ double-date was an absolute recipe for disaster. :D

Rapping To Girls (Kickin’ It)

In general, if you’re gonna kick it to a chick, you have to recognize yourself as the leader. You have to be better than her IN SOMETHING, or else there’s no reason why she should hook up with YOU instead of staying single or kickin’ it with the next man.

Guys don’t understand this and they think you get raps by being a ***** and doing whatever she tells you to do. As we also found out from this episode, that’s what makes YOU the guy that takes her out on dates and buys her watches and then she goes to the club, gets drunk, makes out with and then has sex with a guy that never did ANYTHING for her *AND* told her earlier in the day that she’s ugly and she looks like a man.

If you go to a chick begging, that makes you what?… That’s right… A beggar.

You’re that disheveled-looking dude that stands in front of McDonald’s, pulling the door open for people and asking them if they could spare a little change on the way out. You think chicks like to hook up with those dudes? Nope… But they might drop a quarter in his cup, which you misinterpret as success.

That’s success to a bum.

So… Please, Dudes… STOP. BEGGING! :D

If you want something, tell her what you want and then sink or swim. If you didn’t get it, she didn’t give it to you. Sucks to be you. However, it would suck EVEN MORE if you BEGGED HER and then STILL didn’t get what you wanted.

Stop buying chicks stuff they haven’t earned and don’t deserve. Stop calling them “Baby” and “Love” and “Honey” the first week you started dating them. Do chicks fall for this kind of stuff? Sure. Are those girls worth anything? Nope.

If you’re just trying to hook up with whatever girl you can get for the night, knock yourself out with gimmicks and tactics. If you actually want to get involved in a Long Term Relationship (LTR) with a quality gal, focus on self-improvement, make yourself the best guy you can be and then step to her honestly with what you have available to offer her and she’ll go for it or she won’t.

Just remember that however you start the rap is how you’re going to finish the rap. If you kicked it to her like some fanboy that wants her autograph on that poster of her in a bikini that you have on your wall, that’s who you’re gonna be throughout y’all’s relationship.. however extremely BRIEF that relationship might become. >:D

DSS, DTF, GTL & GBC

Disclaimer: I’m a video editor. I make television shows from raw materials (video, audio, graphics, text…). I have to say before I get started with this that I’m fully aware that Vinny’s rap might actually be way better than this and MTV set him up to look like he doesn’t know what he’s doing by not airing the good parts of what he said and only showing the lame stuff. :D

So I’m watching the show, right? :D And they go to the club like they always do, because that’s where the drunk girls are that are most likely to be DTF (Down To ****), which my homeboys that hunted with me in college remember as DSS (Down for the Stroke-Ski).

Interestingly enough, DSS is the reason you want to GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry), or in my case, GBC (Gym, Beer, Chicks) because I already have the Tan thing on lock. ;)

If you GTL and show up to the club looking funky-fresh, you could pull a chick without doing anything more than that because contrary to popular belief, lots of chicks want to hook up with a guy JUST because he looks good to them. No gimmicks. No tricks. No talking. Just show up looking good and you have a good chance of hooking up with a chick right off the bat.

So that’s what the guys on ‘Jersey Shore’ do. Pauly’s forte is his hair. Mike’s forte is his stomach. Ronnie’s forte is his dancing (when he’s not acting docile when Sammi’s around so he can make sure he gets laid later tonight). Vinny doesn’t have a forte… Vinny is basically “The man next to the man”. He’s like one of the extra dudes in Entourage.

So the goal is that you go to the club and you do whatever gets you the most chicks and you see what you can come off with for the night.. Makeouts, Numbers, Dates, Chicks that come back to the hot tub, Whatever…

Vinny Up To Bat

So the club night’s going on as usual and then (again, according to MTV’s edit! HAHAHA), Vinny goes “We all decide to go to ‘Tantra’ and I see the most beautiful girl I’ve seen in Miami”.

Off the bat, I was like “Here We Go!!! :D” haha I’ve seen enough footage from Miami Beach to know that there IS no “Most Beautiful Girl in Miami”. There’s just a slew of hawt chicks and this, in Vinny’s estimation, was one of them.

Yes, you can argue that that was a statement of subjective opinion and that TO HIM, she WAS the most beautiful girl he had seen since he got there. However, my guess is that the sudden jolt of horniness caused him to suddenly feel that way. I know that a few times in my life, I’ve been literally STUNNED by how attractive a chick was to me, like suspended-animation STUNNED! :O so I know how, in that particular moment, a guy can FEEL that way without it actually being the truth. It has more to do with hawtness + proximity. It would have been more accurate to state that this was the most attractive gal he’d been within 10 feet of since he got to Miami.

So the first thing MTV has Vinny saying to her is “I love you”.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That’s absolutely ridiculous. Her reply to him is “I love you too”. That’s known as a lie. There’s no way that Vinny led off his rap with “I love you”, so we missed out on his actual open and whatever he said before that line.

I don’t know where to properly start with this so I’m just going to ramble. :D If you meet a chick that you’ve never seen before in life and within the first, oh.. let’s say… three hours of meeting her, you tell her that you love her, you’re either lying, trying to game her, you fall in love at the drop of a hat or you have no ******* idea what love is at all. Either way, it’s NOT a good look. :/

If you’re lying or gaming her, you look like a Player… and not even a good one at that. You’re toast.

If you can fall in love with a girl you just saw at a club, that means you can fall in love tomorrow and the next day as well. According to common belief, a person can’t be in love with two people at the same time, so you’re automatically setting yourself up to look like the wrong person for her to be in an LTR with.

If you don’t know what love is, and every time you feel like screwing a hawt chick, you think that’s love, that’s not attractive to women that are looking for a Significant Other, so you blew your rap.

Captive Audience

It turns out that on top of kickin’ lame-ass rap lines, Vinny was trying to rap to the hired help. No Good. :/

Surprise of Surprises.. The girl Vinny thought was so beautiful was a HIRED DANCER AT A CLUB. That’s one step down from STRIPPER (or, step up? haha depending on which direction you think is better! :D), and the REASON girls like that are hired is because they LOOK GOOD.

What Vinny said amounted to “I watched a movie with Natalie Portman in it and I found out that Natalie Portman looks good. You’re not saying anything new or original. You’re not saying anything endearing. She KNOWS she looks good. She knows that’s why she was hired and she knows that when she no longer looks good, she’s going to be fired.

Anyway… You don’t rap to Hired Help because they are SCARED. OF. BEING. FIRED. Whatever you tell them, they’re going to make you feel like you’re the A1 customer because that way, you pay her a lot of money as a tip and you don’t tell her boss that she’s a crabby bitch and that she should be fired for not being nice to you.

You don’t rap to strippers. You don’t rap to “dancers”. You don’t rap to cashiers at Burger King. You don’t rap to the chick in the Western Union window when you cash a check. You don’t rap to the waitress COUGHunlessyou’retigerwoodsorairmcnairCOUGH. You don’t rap to the coat-check girl. You don’t kick it to your boss’ maid. You don’t kick it to your cousin’s nanny…..

You don’t kick it to any of these chicks because whatever they tell you is going to be the best thing for them to save their jobs and get paid. What they tell you has nothing to do with the truth. You love them?… They Love YOU!!! :D You want to go out on a date with them? They want to go out on a date with you!!! :D Just so long as you hand over the money and don’t get them fired, these chicks will tell you ANYTHING to get you out of their faces.

If you’re just one of those guys that just feels the NEED to hook up with Hired Help, let them know you like them, give them your number already written down on paper for them and step. If they *WANT* to call you, they will. If they don’t, they won’t. It’s all in the game.

I’m So Happy I’m Talking To You

So… After Vinny tells this chick he’s never seen before that he loves her, which is a blatantly transparent obvious bullshit lie and she reciprocates, he tells her “I’m so happy I’m talking to you”…….. WHAT??? :D

So now he looks like he never gets to talk to attractive women. Another HORRIBLE look! :D

I don’t think guys realize that those two statements don’t go together. If you love a gal and you happen to be desperate, you aren’t much of a critic, are you? o_O It’s like Eddie Murphy said about when you’re dying of hunger in the desert and then someone hands you a cracker, that’s THE BEST CRACKER YOU EVER TASTED! :D

If you’re going to tell a chick you love her, in the romantic relationship sense as opposed to the human relationship sense of appreciating her as a person and being grateful that you made her acquaintance and y’all have been able to kick it for years, you have to follow that up with some sort of line like “Out of my 2,400 Facebook Friends, you’re the gal that really inspires me to settle down! :D”.

Next, hahahahahahaha oh man.. Vinny goes “I wish you weren’t working.. I would buy you a drink and I would romance you”.

I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous. I assure you I’m not making this horrible rap up on my own! :D If you want to see it yourself, go watch Jersey Shore episode 208: “All In The Family” and fast-forward to 43 minutes into the program (with commercials. Probably about 30 minutes into the show without commercials) or watch it online by clicking here.

“I wish you weren’t working”?.. Irrelevant. She *IS* working. In a club. As visual entertainment for people that are visually attracted to sexy women. Don’t bother saying what you wish. Stick to the facts.

“I would buy you a drink“?.. Isn’t this the same guy that got to screw Angelina without buying her anything while her suitor was taking her out on dates and buying her watches? o_O Get a clue, dude. Sex is free. Saying “I would spend my hard-earned cash on you” isn’t an aphrodisiac.. Especially not to a chick who makes money off her looks and has guys telling her she’s attractive every single night. Guys with a lot more money than you. Guys with a lot more prestige than you. Guys that look better than you. Guys that can make it so she never has to work again a day in her life. Guys that can buy her a drink in Paris, Capisce? :D

“I would romance you”?… C’MON, SUNN! :/

Wife Her Up

This is already a train wreck and I wish it would have ended here, but it didn’t.

Next, Vinny goes “I’m gonna tell everybody I found my wife, alright?.. Is that alright with you?”

smh hth

First of all.. How in the hell are you going to “Find your wife” who was hired to dance in a club because you watched her dance and felt horny enough about it to only screw her and not mess with other chicks, having been at said club for like 3 hours, max? :/ You look like you find wives every day.. I mean, even the DUMBEST chick isn’t actually going to believe you.

Second.. Who cares if that’s alright with her?.. It’s YOUR feelings. If that’s how you feel, own it. If you want her for yourself, own that. If you want her for your wife or to bear your kids or to sit around reading books together or whatever your BDSM fantasy about her is, that’s a FACT and it’s not something that’s potentially modified by her feelings about how YOU feel.

Again.. If you just HAVE to go out like this, leave it at “I’m gonna tell everybody I found my wife”. PERIOD. I highly suggest that you leave out any mentions of love or marriage until you a) find out the first thing about her ******* personality, b) spend time with her to see if you enjoy doing anything other than fantasizing about screwing her, and c) take enough time where it looks like you’re making an educated decision about her as an entire person as opposed to her looks, and in this particular case, her ability to dance in a way that makes you feel like tappin’ that.

Next.. He goes “I’m not gonna talk to any other girls tonight”, which begs the obvious question “So What? \o/” or “Who Cares? \o/”.

I don’t know what kind of girls that line works on, but it seems to be a staple in their society. Ronnie went to the club and made out with, danced with and got as many numbers from all the girls he possibly could and then crawled into bed with Sammi at the end of the night by telling her that he didn’t “talk to any girls” while he was at the club. I really don’t know how stupid you have to be to think that a guy goes to a club to do nothing. He could have done nothing by staying at home with you.. In fact, he could have gotten blown if he had stayed with you but he elected to go to the club instead… That should tell you something right thurrrr. :D

So I’m guessing that “I’m not going to talk to any other girls tonight” was an indication from Vinny that he was already committed to his relationship to his future wife that he just met right now after drooling over watching her dancing because if she didn’t have a hawt body, she’d be a secretary somewhere and he would never have met her.

I Need Your Number

Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please….. You need water. You need oxygen. You would like to have food, clothing, a roof over your head and some inkling of physical safety. You do not NEED a chick’s number. You WANT a chick’s number.

Of course, Vinny’s next line after the wife thing was “I need your number”. Let’s think about this. What if she would have said “Naw. That’s Aiite” and not given it to him? (which wasn’t likely, because she didn’t want to get fired from her job) Would Vinny have exploded? Would he have keeled over? Nah. Nothing would have happened, except he would have been saved from further embarrassment down the line.

Needy people Need things. If you NEED a chick’s number, what else do you need? o_O Do you need her to cook dinner for you every night? Do you need her to bear you at least four kids? Do you need her to take shooting lessons at the range?

On top of that.. WHO THE **** CARES WHAT *YOU* NEED? Who the hell are you? You’re the 35th guy that wanted to take her out, TONIGHT, after 70 guys wanted to take her out last night and 110 guys wanted to take her out last weekend. Nobody cares what you need. If you WANT her number, ask her for it.

The chick’s response to this was absolutely amazing. She goes “Okay. I’ll go get it right now”.

…. Get it?… GET her own number? o_O

Get it from whom? Get it from her phone, which she didn’t have a place to clip it onto her bikini while she was utilizing her body to get money?

Right there, I was like “AWW, HERE. WE. GO!!! :D”. How does a “dancer” not know her own number? What if Vinny had been a talent agent and thought she would have been a good actress for a part? What if he didn’t have time for her to go “GET” her number? What if she would have missed out on her big break because she couldn’t remember 10 digits in her ******* head?

Most likely, what she was doing was going to get the number to her backup phone. This is the phone number you give out to people that doesn’t matter at all because it’s not your real number.

If she had been smart, she would have memorized her backup phone number so she could rattle it off to guys like this every time they proposition her. Instead, she had to go somewhere to retrieve her own phone number. Sounds like “Wifey Material” to me! :/

Once again.. This is what you get when you kick it to the Hired Help. They’re going to use all of their defensive mechanisms to make sure you pay as much money as you’re willing to pay AND you don’t say anything to the management that could get them fired.

Results

On MTV, this entire exchange took approximately one minute (60 seconds). It probably took me 10 minutes to watch because I kept NOT believing what he said, pausing the tape to laugh about it, going back over it to hear him say it again, laughing more and then finally getting enough of it where I could move forward and be satisfied with the amount of laughs I just got… Only to be confronted with yet another rap-sinking line that sent me into yet another fit of laughter. I was rather close to actual tears escaping, I was laughing so hard.

Basically, when you do stuff like this, all you’re saying is “Hi there. I’m a sucker for attractive women” and that’s about it.

On top of that, Vinny’s presentation said “I have on a t-shirt, no blazer and I’m wearing a hat indoors and you should want to be my girlfriend for some odd reason”.

You will not win out over the guy in the Hugo Boss suit waving the keys to his Ferrari because you told some chick she’s beautiful and you’re not going to talk to any other girls tonight. That works on low-level females, but if you’re going to have aspirations of kickin’ it to higher-class women, you’re gonna have to step your game up quite a bit. You can’t go out with your BB gun, prepared to shoot rabbits and then take down a bear when you meet one by accident.

If you’re going out on the town, put your best visual foot forward. If your best foot is a t-shirt, good luck with that.

If your best foot is buying her a drink, prepare to be overshadowed by the guys that are buying bottles of champagne at 10x the cost (or whatever the exchange rate is.. I don’t buy chicks champagne) of that beer you’re offering her.

You’re way better off figuring out what’s unique about you and offering that to her so she can take it or leave it. If there’s nothing unique about you, MAKE something unique. Dress in an interesting way. Figure out a hairstyle that looks good on you. Be a musician. Write long-ass blog posts that takes people as long to read as watching the actual episode of a show… DO *SOMETHING* that makes you stand out and makes women come after you instead of you having to chase them around all the time.

Throwing typical comments and perks at a chick can get you laid, for sure. That’s not necessarily going to make the grade if you’re trying to get her to go for a LTR with you.

Unfortunately, rapping to women requires on-the-job training. You get better at it by doing it. Your best bet is to go on “dates” with a bunch of gals you don’t actually want to kick it to so you can practice being nice to them. That way, you’ll be confident of your game when the time comes when you really need to make it happen and impress that gal that you’re hoping to lock down for more than one evening or longer than it takes her to find a guy that’s offering her more gimmicks than you did.

I was gonna let this fiasco slide, but my homeboy Jimmy ‘Slim Jim’ Rodriguez asked me to write something about it. :) I’ll post the rest of this ridiculousness in part two, “Dating vs. Hooking Up [Hunters, Part 11]“.

If you agree or disagree with any of my points, let me know in the comments below or click my Facebook link.

Related Posts

• Dating vs. Hooking Up [Hunters, Part 11]
• Google Your Date?
• How To Approach Women
• Appreciate Your Girlfriend
• How To Marry A Prince

A reader recently asked me a question about looking desperate. It was the basic situation of not wanting to overdo it or under-do it when contacting someone you want to kick it to.

If you contact them too much, you look desperate. If you contact them too little, you look disinterested. If you look disinterested, they might turn off to you. If you look desperate, they might think you’re a Herb or a psycho stalker.

This was an issue in one of my favorite movies, “Swingers” by Jon Favreau.

Mikey got a number from this chick, right? :)

So he’s all excited about it but he wants to seem like he’s cool about it.

When he goes back, he asks his friends, who are actual players, how long he should wait to call her. They tell him to wait two days.

Of course, Mikey gets overexcited and calls her several times on the same night he met her, fumbling the position.

So, the problem, to the casual viewer, seems to be that Mikey called her too soon. That’s not actually the problem. That’s the equivalent of women thinking that they got dumped after sex for giving it up too soon (especially on the first date).

Here’s the real problem…

Desperate People Look Desperate

See how that works? You got treated like a desperate person because you WERE desperate. Most of the time when people don’t want to LOOK desperate, it’s because they FEEL desperate. O_o

Desperate people look desperate REGARDLESS of how long they wait to contact someone. Similarly, when a guy plans to dump a girl after having sex with her, it doesn’t matter at all how long she plays it off like she doesn’t want to give him some. As soon as she does it, if she hasn’t demonstrated some other value to him that he decides to stick around for, he’s Swayze (Ghost).

If you meet someone on Wednesday and contact them on Thursday, that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re desperate. It could also mean that you just REALLY want to spend time with them, which, believe it or not, is completely different. :)

Similarly, if you meed someone on Wednesday and contact them NEXT WEDNESDAY, that doesn’t mean you’re COOL either! :D All that FRONTIN’ you did, only to arrive one week later, just as *SHOOK* as you were last week, haha What did all that delaying get you?.. I mean, of course, besides giving other people six days to butt in on your rap so that by the time you call/text, that person already deleted your number and forgot what you look like.

So your problem isn’t how soon you do something, it’s how you feel about yourself when you do it.

For example.. Let’s say I met a gal at 9pm and she gave me her number.

I might very well text her at 11pm to see what she’s doing.

I might text her the next morning around 10am.

I might text her the next day around lunchtime to see what her plans are for that evening.

If I met her on a Thursday, I might not text her until Monday if I already have plans for Friday & Saturday.

I might very well not text her at all, evAr. :D

I can do whatever the **** I want to do because I’m not desperate. I couldn’t possibly care any less whether she returns my texts, blocks my number or joins me for drinks. It doesn’t matter. If she’s not interested, I’ll call someone else or meet a new chick on the fly. It’s no big deal.

Go With The Flow

The problem occurs when a dude’s like “OMG! I *HOPE* I GET THE RAP TO THIS GALLLLL!!!!! :O” and then he wants to SEEM like he’s cool about the situation. That’s not going to work. That’s like being afraid of a dog but trying to trick the dog by standing still AS IF you’re not afraid of it. Good Luck with that! :D

So forget about what day you’re going to contact her and what you’re going to say and what you’re going to offer her and where you’re going to take her and what her friends are going to think about you and what you’re going to wear….. Get your MIND RIGHT so you can go with the flow regardless of what happens.

It’s also possible that you CAN’T get your mind right because this one rap to this one girl *IS* that important to you. :) If that’s the case, use your nervousness to your advantage instead of trying to suppress it. If you think she looks HAWT, tell her that. If you think she’s really smart or respectable, tell her that. Trust & Believe you’re WAAAAY better off getting comfortable with your own discomfort than trying to teach yourself how to act cool when you’re not.

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So I’m reading TheDiva Rockin‘s blog post where she outlines how she would like a first date with a guy to evolve. I found her concepts to be interesting and reasonable from the female side of things. Let’s see how the exact same date scenario evolved for the guy….. >:D

TheDiva: The following are the steps which I would ideally like a guy to follow leading up to a first date. In some cases I have skipped over a step here and there or added in a few, but over all I think this is a fair and appropriate execution:

Step One: “Guy finds interest in my profile (on one of the various sites I am a member of) and messages me with a competent and interesting introduction.”

Actual Step One: Guy browses online dating site in grid mode so he can fit 40 chicks on a page instead of 10 and also he gets to save the time of consciously skipping over whatever nonsense she wrote about herself in order to see the next chick’s picture.

Guy finishes skimming through all the new entries and starts looking through the tabs he created from the pictures he selected…. I mean, not looking through the tabs, but rather scanning the pages he selected for the “More Pictures” button.

Guy finds more pictures of the chick which inform him whether he’d be willing to tap that or not if he met up with her IRL. No extra pictures = closed tab. Bad extra pictures = closed tab. Good extra pictures, but in light of the new evidence, he’s not interested in hooking up with her = closed tab.

Guy re-skims the profiles of the gals who made the cut, looking for something she wrote that he can CLAIM made him interested in dating her other than she has a really nice ass. He then writes something like “I like fluffy pillows and cats too! :D” instead of “Does your body still look like that or are those old pictures?”.

TheDiva: Step Two: “I review Guy’s profile and in finding a mutual interest I message him back with general commentary on his profile or intro message.”

Fortunately, I knew that Random Guy knew that chicks actually READ what guys write on online dating sites, so he changed his profile to match hers BEFORE he contacted her.

All the stuff he used to pull the last chick, he deleted and replaced with her favorite movies, books, etc. He even googled a couple of them so he could pull some quotes to add authenticity.

Guy receives requisite message indicating “OMG, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! :D yadda yadda” and he knows it’s Game On! >:D

The obvious problem here is that he kicked it to at least 5 chicks last night, who are all going to have slightly different text content in their profiles. In this case, his best bet was to match the profile of the chick he wanted THE MOST and then add tidbits from what the other gals wrote in decreasing order of tapability… tapworthiness? \o/

TheDiva: Step Three: “After a few exchanges, if the conversation is going well, I provide my personal email (note: I am not a fan of Instant Messaging or talking on the Phone right away, though I have made exceptions to this in some cases).”

Jeez. This is taking AGES! :/ … Exchanges? Conversation? What’s going on here? O_o This is like actually having a job. All this work I put in and then I get an EMAIL ADDRESS? Damn. What is this? Dante’s rings of the inferno? :/

TheDiva: Step Four: “Guy requests a meet up.”

DAMNED ******* SKIPPY I HE REQUESTED A MEETUP!!!

The meetup was REQUESTED in the first communication, yet conveniently ignored so this chick could entertain herself with “exchanges” and “conversation”. UGH! :/

TheDiva: Step Five: “I agree to meet Guy over coffee or a casual drink and provide my phone number so that we can discuss the arrangement.”

Finally. Please. Thank *GOD* we’re finally getting this show on the ROAD! :D

Now, all I have to do is not get caught calling her by my wife like Tiger Woods.

TheDiva: Step Six: “Meet Guy for Coffee/Drink, but keep it short and sweet. If all goes well we should agree to a 1st date before departing.”

Completely Agreed! :D The first meetup needs to be short & sweet. It also needs to be strategically located within walking distance of the nearest motel, just in case The Kid makes it HAPPEN, SUNN!!! :D

TheDiva: Step Seven: “Our 1st Date. Nothing fancy – lunch or dinner at a casual spot will do. Maybe a cocktail or two and some witty banter.”

ok.. So I didn’t make it to the motel on Date Zero. :/ However.. I determined upon spending time with this woman that she’s as sexy as her pictures indicated or eve MORE so! :D Therefore, I’m more than willing to jump through a few more hoops in order to get on. Lunch is better than dinner because I can be rid of her by 4pm and then get ready for my other date later this evening. No point in showing up for the real action smelling like some other chick because I hugged her goodbye and got some of her perfume on me.

Lots of meaningless banter during Lunch and pointing out the color of the leaves and other stuff that chicks dig. Make sure she consumes lots of liquids so she has to get up from her seat to hit the bathroom a couple of times so I YOU can accurately assess her ass while she’s leaving. You know how sometimes, chicks luck out and the light hits their ass just the right way to make it look good in a picture, but IRL, it’s just not an athletic ass, like how it doesn’t clench when she walks or it looks like an orange because she’s wearing her grand-ma-ma panties under her jeans which divide it into several sections….. um, what was I talking about?

TheDiva: “Now, I’d prefer not to be asked to go out again while still on the 1st date. I think a guy should follow up the next day or shortly thereafter if he is interested. Plus, if I am no longer feeling him at the end of the date, it takes some pressure off me where I am likely to say yes to your face when I really mean No Thank You.”

Asking a chick out AGAIN while you’re ALREADY out with her is extremely poor form. You’re demonstrating a Defeatist Attitude, which is completely unsexy to chicks. No good. :/

By asking her out again for the future, you’re assuming she’s not coming down the street to the motel with you.

Chicks Dig Confidence. Whether you get it or you don’t, you have to think, feel and believe you’re going to get on immediately if not sooner because this chick is sweating you RIGHT. NOW. :D If you Herb out with a line like “Did you have a nice time?.. Do you think we should go out again?”, you lose.

Damn ******* Skippy she wants to go out with you again. Damned ******* Skippy she’s hoping you invite her to the motel. Damn ******* Skippy she wants to go out with you again because you showed her a better time tonight than any of her other suitors. There’s nothing to ASK about. You know you rocked this date. You know SHE knows you rocked this date. You know that anybody that SAW YOU WITH HER said to their friend “That dude over there?.. He’s RAWKING that date! :O”!

If you’re just the type of dude that HAS to ask a chick something, ask her whether she’d like the Steak & Eggs or the Continental Breakfast from the motel’s room service menu. ;)

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A reader asked me a question to the effect of whether guys expect sex on the fourth date. I thought this was very interesting because I hadn’t ever considered the concept before. Offhand, I would say “No. Sex is Not expected on the fourth date”.
 
Sex is expected immediately.

What He’s Thinking

The only reason he spoke to you in the first place was that he thought you were attractive. Similar to not renting a porno movie and waiting three weeks to watch it, he would like to hook up with you BEFORE he introduces himself to you. By the time you become aware of him, he’s already mentally done the deed a few times while he was figuring out what he was going to say to you to get the show on the road.

The number of dates makes no difference. It’s basically True or False. 1 or 0. Yes or No. She gave it up or she didn’t. \o/ So, for instance, a sequence involving sex on the fourth date would look like 0001. Sex on the third date would look like 0010, etc.

The guy is striving for 1111 and there’s really nothing more to say on that topic. :D

What She’s Thinking

Regardless of whether she likes the guy or not, the average gal on the scene is striving not to look like a ho. At some point in history, the Worldwide Queen Of All Women handed down the decree that the magic number for holding out that qualifies a gal as “not a ho” is three (3) dates. Therefore, observing strict adherence to the Women’s Handbook requires a gal to go 000 on her first three encounters with a guy so she will be beyond reproach if she decides to give it up after that.

Thus, the genesis of the question “Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?”. What’s going to happen if a chick goes 0000? What about 0000000000?

We See You Coming

Unfortunately for women, men already know what you’re doing. Some guys are willing to wait it out while y’all play games with yourselves. *yawn* Sooner or later, you’ll let yourself do what you wanted to do the first day we kicked it to you and then it’s Game On! :D

One of the failures of the three-date-abstinence rule is that no timetable was handed down regarding space between dates. This means that you can take a chick out three times during the week and still hit it on Saturday, just the way you planned it. It’s not like you only see her ON Saturdays, which would mean that it would take you an entire month to get on.

Another failure is that sometimes, holding out makes a guy MORE likely to hit it & quit it instead of LESS likely. Going out with you and not demanding sex might mean he’s willing to date you ad infinitum without hooking up. It could also mean that he’s got other chicks to kick it with while he waits for you to come around. This is one of the main reasons why I say that sex isn’t expected on the fourth date.

Never. Say. “Never!” ;)

Guys know that BEFORE the fourth date, chicks are gonna kick themselves for giving it up, so date #4 is really the first time they’re spending authentically uninhibited time with them. Assuming the guy hasn’t bailed already, if he’s waited out three dates, there’s no reason he wouldn’t wait out four dates or six or twelve.

You have to consider the reason why she’s dating you in the first place…

She’s going through her usual process to determine whether she wants to give you some or not. If she wins the game and you become her boyfriend, she automatically inherits responsibility for your sexual satisfaction.

It’s not like she’s NEVER going to give it up.. She just wants to feel like it’s a good probability that she’s going to get what SHE wants out of the relationship before getting down with the program.

So.. Date #4 isn’t any sort of significant milestone for a guy. It’s still a 1 or a 0. He gets on or he doesn’t. It’s not like a guy’s gonna say “Tarnation! :/ I took her out all four times like I was supposed to and she STILL didn’t give it up? I’m OUTTA HERE!” :D

If a guy likes you as a person, he’ll hang out with you whether he’s getting on or not. If he doesn’t like you as a person, giving him some most likely won’t change how he feels AT ALL. If you seem sincere in not wanting to have sex with him, most guys will be cool with that too.. Assuming, of course, you’re not the only gal he’s dating. :D

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