It’s rare that I hear anything of actual interest on “Reality Television” shows, but on this week’s “Real World: DC”, Andrew said in the confessional that he doesn’t trust women… Across the board… Like, women IN GENERAL, he doesn’t trust.

They threw in a sound bite about him being aware that his mother cheated on his father. That was probably the deepest revelation in the show about him because he’s made a career out of NOT giving up any personal information about himself. In fact, the reason this came up was that the girl he’s now calling “girlfriend” told him that she feels like he’s holding back, which has been his Modus Operandi the entire show.

I also found it interesting that he invoked “Bros Before Hoes” not once, but TWICE in episode 2311, as well as mentioning his “Wingman Responsibilities”…

Casting Calls

ok.. I have to sidetrack for a second. So this entire episode was about Andrew and his “Girlfriend” (named Andrea). They have him introduce her by saying “So I met this girl at [whatever location]…” and they don’t show where/when he met her, but he comes walking down the street with her. They play the entire episode like it’s some kind of chance meeting, like they’ve been playing all the other chicks the guys in the house have met / made out with / brought back to the crib.

So just now, I wasn’t sure what episode this was, so I go to MTV’s site and they have a section called “View Andrea’s Casting Tape”. :/

Of course, I’m like “How the hell does a random chick in Washington, DC have a CASTING TAPE on file with MTV?” :/

At the end of the video, where she was interviewed via Skype, she says that MTV would regret not picking her, because she would probably try to “sleep with” everyone in the house”…… COME ON, MAN! :/

So.. Apparently, MTV reached back to the benchwarmers and selected this chick to try to get some action in the house. Lame. I wish I hadn’t looked for that episode and stumbled upon that audition tape. Now, I have to go off on an entirely different tangent than I intended…

No Action

I don’t know how they did the casting for this season, but it ended up mad lame. “Jersey Shore” kicked this entire season’s ass with their first two-hour episode. The reason they needed to reach back to their audition tapes is that the chicks in the house are a bunch of do-nothings. Surprisingly, Andrew put in the most work this season, followed by Josh, even though he had a girlfriend that he eventually dumped so he could hook up with other chicks without feeling guilty about it. Next in line was Mike and then bringing up the rear was Ty, who fell in love with Emily, who immediately cut him off as soon as he told her he was really into her. It really looked in the beginning like it was going to be exactly the opposite, with Ty being the leader, followed by Mike, Josh and Andrew getting lucky, maybe.

As far as the chicks… Nothing. Not a damn thing. I don’t know HOW they cast ALL of these do-nothings on the same show. \o/ Emily was hooking up with Ty until he confessed his feelings for her and she dumped him, never to get another rap ever again for the entire show. The day she dumped Ty, we saw her dancing with some dude that LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE TY in a bar, while Ty looked on, upset.. but after the breakup, Emily’s had ZERO romantic storyline whatsoever. Nothing. Off the grid. Gone.

Ashley started out strong and made out with her housemate, Mike, but after that… NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. No action of any kind, whatsoever. Callie could have had action with Andrew from the giddyap, since he was all into her, but she fessed up on that so that she could do……… NOTHING! No romantic storyline AT ALL. Erika has a boyfriend that she calls on the phone incessantly until he picks up the phone. No romantic storyline. No visit from the boyfriend. No action whatsoever. As a matter of fact, you mostly see Erika and Emily talking to THEIR MOTHERS on the telephone more than guys.

This is why for the sake of an interesting storyline, MTV had to reach back to the bench. If they had Andrea’s audition tape BEFORE they cast the entire show, they completely ****** up by not casting her instead of either Erika or Callie. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that they made an emergency casting call for new chicks once they realized how completely ****** their female storylines for this season were.

I don’t blame them for bringing in a ringer, except this completely undermines my point in this article. I was going to talk about how Andrew’s distrust of women in general is brought to his relationships, but in this case, he’s completely right. Chick says ON TAPE that she’s going to try to hook up with everyone (including chicks) in the house. Why in the world should we believe that she’s solely interested in Andrew as a boyfriend? Why in the world should HE believe that? Ugh.. Wish I hadn’t seen that. :D

Relationships Without Trust?

Anyway….. If we can put all this casting / ringer yadda yadda to the side.. I found it interesting that MTV elected to show a situation where a guy was all about a chick, head over heels for her, spending time with her, going out on dates, hooking up with her and STILL keeping her at arm’s length because he flat out doesn’t trust women.

I can see why that would be the case if he had become aware when he was younger that his mother cheated on his father. Your parents are supposed to be your blueprint for how relationships are supposed to be, or at least CAN BE in the best-case scenario. When there are infidelity or abuse issues in your household, it’s going to have a major effect on how you interact with people when it’s your turn to be involved in relationships.

The reason I wanted to discuss this is that a lot of women assume that just because a guy will mess with them, it means that he loves them or trusts them or cares about them or gives a flying **** whether they get run over by a truck. It’s just not true. Guys hook up with gals they’re physically attracted to and it’s not any deeper than that. I don’t say that to destroy your belief in Santa Claus or The Easter Bunny, I say that because there’s a percentage chance that that describes *your* relationship, whether you understand that or not.

How can a guy have a relationship to a woman he doesn’t trust?… Very simply…. So long as you don’t leave any important decisions up to her, you don’t need to trust her at all.

As long as her job description is to look good and be sexy, “Trust” never enters the equation. Unfortunately for women, attraction is built way faster than trust. Women like to call this “Thinking with the little head” and that’s very funny and all, ha ha ha, except when you don’t realize that your entire relationship is dependent upon the very concept you’re making jokes about.

Call Maury!

The way I see it.. Trust is built over time. Situations arise and you demonstrate who you are and what you’re about, instance by instance. More than once, I’ve gone into social situations with a team and split up as soon as we entered the establishment. As we selected our targets and made our individual runs, we’d eventually meet up and compare notes. The information the gals we talked to handed out would be suspiciously different, based on her level of attraction to the guy she was talking to…

She’s married. She’s not married. She has a boyfriend. She’s single. She’s from Brooklyn. She’s from Maine. She has kids. She doesn’t have kids. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, all this unreliable information which all ads up to nothing except she’s a ******* LIAR and she’s interested in hooking up with one of us, but not the other one.

Fortunately for guys, we have no problems hooking up with liars because nobody cares what they said in the first place. The problem occurs for women, when they feel like they pulled the wool over a guy’s eyes and tricked him into messing with her or claiming to be in a relationship with her or whatever her goal was.

This never comes to light, however, until something IMPORTANT comes up, where the guy needs to choose between accepting what she said like “Word is Bond” or letting her know to her face that he doesn’t believe it and he’s going to need a paternity test. :O

Related Posts

• Bros Before Hoes? [RW:DC, Part 02]
• I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01]
• Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages
• Making Friends vs. Getting Laid
• Target Assessment (Dating)

Reader “Sophia” has made some very interesting comments over the last couple of days and I wanted to put in my two cents about something she brought up:

“Your advice to women is contradictory…” “Your comments that I quoted were together in the SAME text block below your blog post as though they somehow didn’t mean the exact opposite of each other.”

One of the ‘problems’ for me in writing a dating blog and participating in my own comment threads is that it’s tough for me to “freestyle” and speak from the same voice. The two different voices being what the average, status-quo-type person would think and what The Kid would think.

When I’m creating a blog post, I’m striving to speak from one of the two perspectives, and mostly along the status quo lines because I’m not trying to tell stories.. I’m trying to give information that might be useful to someone. If I wrote most of my blog posts from my own point of view, a) people wouldn’t understand what I’m saying, b) they wouldn’t believe what I’m saying, and c) they wouldn’t get anything out of it that they might be able to apply to their own lives.

If I were to give guys dating advice as if they were me, it would be 1) look proper, 2) go outside, 3) talk to girls that appear to like your presentation. Period. End of blog. I literally have a backlog of chicks that I’ve met and been meaning to hang out with, but haven’t had the time recently because of too much work. Meanwhile, every time I go to an event, I meet new chicks so the backlog increases. This is not normal. Giving advice as if everyone had this going on for them wouldn’t be productive or useful.

So what I do is place myself in the mindset that I feel is likely to be encountered by guys and gals on the dating scene and when I’m writing a post, I force myself into remembering the context of my post. When I’m participating in the comment threads, I’m “freestyling” or reacting directly to what was written. This is where the issue that Sophia brings up shows up the most for me because I’ve failed to remain in one voice. I switch between Average Joe and my own opinion without qualifying which voice I’m using.

So, for instance, I might say “If a guy doesn’t get sex from his girlfriend, he’s going to get it behind her back” and then say “I’m not a ‘cheater’”. Those are contradictory statements because in the first case, I’m talking about how in general, guys want to have their cake and eat it too and instead of dumping a chick for not producing sexually, they’d rather keep her and get azz on the side until she finds out and then who cares that she found out because you already have more chicks. In the second case, I’m talking about the fact that “cheating” means that you’re going back on YOUR OWN WORD TO YOURSELF, which is weak. If you were feeling a chick to the degree that you told her you weren’t going to hook up with any other chicks and then you fail to do that, you failed YOURSELF.. Unless you just said that as a ploy to get her to lay down, in which case you’re just a strategic liar.

Sophia’s main point seemed to be about my advice to women being contradictory along the lines of trying to get relationships versus looking like “sluts” for hooking up with guys they actually want to have sex with.

Unfortunately, the advice is going to be contradictory because all women can’t get away with the same things. If a chick is a 2, she has no wins at all and she can invoke “women’s lib” and “there’s someone for everyone” and anything else she’s been led to believe and that’s not going to make her look any better. She’s BELOW all the better-looking chicks on the totem pole when it comes to dating. I’ve never in my entire life heard a guy say “Man.. That chick is REEEEEEEALLY BUSTED, I think I’m going to go talk to her” and pass by better-looking girls to kick it to that particular one. Having said that, I’ve had guys point out ugly chicks to me as targets and when I asked them WTF they were talking about, the response has been “Did you see her ASS? :O” or some kind of redeeming value to the chick that’s going to make him overlook her visual shortcomings.

On the other side of the coin, there’s going to be different advice for 8s, 9s and 10s (hawt chicks) because they’re actually in demand. There’s going to be different advice for 5s, 6s and 7s because they’re seen as more approachable / attainable and guys aren’t scared to death of them and are more likely to ask them out.

There’s also different advice based on the type of guy they’re trying to pull. If she’s trying to pull a “King Of Queens” overweight UPS guy, that’s going to be different from if she’s trying to pull a model or a trader. They don’t hang out in the same places. They don’t look for the same qualities in women. There’s no one set of advice that works across the board.

The reason I consider commenting “freestyling” is that I attack it ‘off the top’ as if it were a question I received live over drinks @ Burp Castle. When I hear a question, ideas come to me and I express my answers. I’ll see what I can do to not drift between voices, but I’m not sure there’s anything TO be done because I don’t blog as a job. I blog for fun. Part of the fun is being a part of the conversation and kicking whatever I felt should have been kicked at that point in time. Sometimes, that’s going to be contradictory. Sometimes I’m going to contradict myself in the same text block. That’s because I’m real and I’m in the trenches. I’m not some bleacher-sitter speculating about how guys should buy women flowers and always say they’re wrong in an argument.

Everything doesn’t make sense in the real world. Why did you cross the street? I wanted to get to the other side. But the signal said “Don’t Walk”. There were no cars coming. You could have gotten run over. I didn’t.

One set of advice says “Only cross at the light and when it says walk”. The other set of advice says “Look both ways before you cross the street” and has ZERO provisions for whether you receive information from a sign that says it’s safe. Both are viable and both are contradictory. That’s Life.

Related Posts

• Does He Trust You? [RW:DC, Part 03]
• Bros Before Hoes? [RW:DC, Part 02]
• Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?
• I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01]
• Follow The Leader [Hunters, Part 02]

“Bros Before Hoes” essentially means that when a guy has to make a decision between a guy he knows and a girl he knows, he should side with the guy by default or general principle.

This is based on the often-accurate assumption that the guy is actually your friend, while the girl ISN’T your friend, but instead someone you’re currently hooking up with or trying to hook up with.

A lot of women mistake the fact that a guy kicks it to them or asks them out or even dates them for a long time to mean that they’re automatically friends with a guy as well. It doesn’t work like that.

This is what gals find out when their romantic relationship to a guy ends and then he never speaks to her ever again in life. Your value to him was hooking up, NOT being his friend.

However, this does NOT apply to females across the board. There are some gals that actually ARE your friends, which qualifies them as Bros instead of Hoes.

The division isn’t so much gender-based as it is functionality-based. If you lose a friend, male or female, that’s an actual loss. If you lose a chick you’re messing with, you just get another one and keep it movin’. I guess it’s kind of like when your car doesn’t work anymore, you don’t sit there on the curb wondering what you’re gonna do.. you get another car. \o/

So this is a very important consideration, which side of the line your female acquaintances fall on. They might be Bros or they might be Hoes, depending on their functionality. In fact, you might be tighter with certain females than you are with the majority of your male acquaintances, essentially rendering those guys Hoes in comparison, should a decision be required.

A lot of guys don’t think about this and a lot of guys don’t have ANY female friends at all. The only reason to have a female as a friend is that she’s actually USEFUL as a friend, meaning that you can do stuff with her that you would have done with your real friends.. guys.

Ladies: It doesn’t qualify you as someone’s friend because you’re not hooking up with him. Everybody knows that “Just Friends” merely means that you’re denying physical involvement with a guy. It doesn’t mean that he’ll pick you up out of the garbage when you get drunk at the bar. We’re talking about ACTUAL friends here.

So anyway.. The intelligent man bases his hierarchy of friends on each guy or gal’s way of being and demonstrated usefulness & qualifications as a friend. This is normally relatively easy to do. The MTV show “The Real World” makes this tougher, because you don’t get to separate yourself from people, which sets up a fascinating matrix of alliances that people enter and exit at will as the need arises.

Real World Examples

“The Real World” Episode 2309 (which was REALLY good, I must say.. It seems like they had been saving up for this one, because the previous two episodes were booooooooooooring) had this really great exchange which shows how tough it is to make decisions when you’re dealing with people that you’re aligned with for different reasons in an environment where you can’t escape from either set.

Here are the important players:

• Ty – Used to be screwing Emily until she shut him down a few episodes back and he ended up crying about it on national televison.. Not crying meaning complaining.. Actually crying.
• Emily – Something happened to her back in the day and now she does all she can to make women FEEL independent and strong whether they actually are or not.
• Josh – Had a girlfriend that he didn’t want messing with other guys, but he hypocritically felt fine messing with other girls in the meantime.
• RandomChick – Didn’t catch her name. Some girl Josh was making out with at the bar that he brought home to hook up with behind his girlfriend’s back.

So Josh brings home RandomChick with the intention of taking her downstairs to lay around with her in seclusion from the rest of the people in the house. RandomChick runs her mouth to one of the girls in the house, causing Emily to get upset at her and want to confront her AND throw her out of the house.

Somehow, Josh escapes with RandomChick to the basement and gets down to the reason she was brought over in the first place. Emily, who along with the rest of the girls in the house has already proven herself to be a cockblocker heads for the only set of stairs going to the basement to interrupt Josh’s action. (To be fair to Emily, she wasn’t going down there specifically to block Josh, but that was going to be the effect of her arrival & behavior.)

Ty gets in front of the steps and blocks Emily from going downstairs, TELLING HER that she’s not going downstairs and she’s not going to interrupt Josh from hooking up = BROS BEFORE HOES! :D

Problematic Implementation

This caused a major disturbance for several reasons.. Ty and Emily used to mess before she dumped him. Emily thought she had control over Ty because he still wants to **** her some more. That’s absolutely true, except a) Ty was drunk, and b) Ty is a guy. He had to think to himself “What would *I* want a BRO (male or female) to do if I were hooking up and somebody tried to cockblock me?” and then he hopped into action to defend his boy’s hookup!.. A righteous call, in my book. :)

It was also a problem because Emily thought she could push her way past a bigger, stronger person (male or female), which she can not. When Ty informed her that she wouldn’t be going downstairs, she was thinking he was a ***** and she’d just go on downstairs via Elfin Magic. When he pushed her off of his position, she got mad at him for pushing her instead of being mad at HERSELF for not respecting what he told her.

Of course, this gets into the question of WHO gets to tell anybody ANYTHING in the first place, such as “You’re not going downstairs”. You have to realize that on reality television shows, you sign an agreement not to hit other people. This means that once Ty had position blocking the steps, the only way Emily was going downstairs was if she kicked Ty’s ass, which a) she can’t do, and b) she would have been thrown off the show and wouldn’t have gotten to block Josh anyway.

So, in the world of reality television, whomever has position gets to make the rules. Ty successfully fulfilled his duties as wingman for Josh (as he should have for ANYONE in the house that brought someone home, including the chicks). Emily got mad because she realized that all this time that she had thought she was a physical equal to Ty, she was wrong and he had only been playing with her. She was mad that Ty chose Josh over her and the other chicks in the house. She was mad that she didn’t get to throw a chick out of “Their” house that someone else invited her to. Josh did his thing, all was right with the world, everyone went to sleep and sobered up.

Different Day, Different Team

In the morning, however, it was a completely different story. :/ The dynamic had switched back from Emergency Status of needing to protect Josh’s hookup back to Ty trying to get some from Emily. This is why it’s important to properly assess your hierarchy of Bros. :D

By siding with Josh, telling Emily what she wasn’t allowed to do, enforcing that fact by physically disallowing her to go downstairs, and making it clear that a guy’s opportunity to get on is way more important than a bunch of chicks running their mouths because they feel disrespected in the house they all share, Ty dug a probably-insurmountable hole for his rap and hopped right into it.

The cat’s out of the proverbial bag. He can’t go back to playing nice with Emily, because she knows that when push comes to shove, might makes right and she has no wins against Ty. Anything she has with him, he’s letting her have until he decides to take it away. Anything she wants to do to him, he can physically veto it, which belies all his begging and crying which had led her to believe she actually had power in their relationship. The only power she has is to NOT give him sex, and watch her make the most out of THAT ONE! :D

Also, Ty can’t appeal anymore to the other girls in the house to put in a good word for him with Emily. He alienated all the chicks in the house at the same time. He even apologized to Emily for pushing her, when he SHOULD have been pointing out to her that if she had respected the fact that he had position over the steps and WAS. NOT. going to let her go downstairs, she wouldn’t have gotten pushed in the first place. If she would have RESPECTED Josh’s attempt to hook up and WAITED until he was finished to tell RandomChick off and kick her out of the house, none of this would have happened at all.

On a side note, this happens all the time. All you little 5′4″, 110-pound girls.. Guys are PLAYING. WITH. YOU. when they let you tell them you’re going to smack them or beat them up or whatever. It’s not that you’re some tough chick and he’s “respecting your gangsta”. It’s the he knows that by letting you feel yourself, it’s easier for him to get laid. On top of that, he knows he’s going to become a pariah if you actually hit him and he has to Chris Brown you up, so he’s hoping you keep your hands to yourself and just talk all that good **** without ever actually doing anything.

Do The Right Thing

So, my personal assessment is that Ty did ABSOLUTELY the right thing for men in general by selecting Bros Before Hoes, except he did the absolutely WRONG thing for HIMSELF. Bros Before Hoes is one of those joints like Daffy Duck says.. “I can only do this trick once!” :D You can’t inform a chick that she’s a ho in the middle of the night and then try to shake her hand and pat her on the back like a bro in the morning. Once you let her know what time it is, the jig is up.

Also, if Ty and Emily actually WERE bros, instead of a guy and a girl he’s trying to have sex with, there would have been a discussion at the top of the steps instead of an argument. Ty would have told Emily he wasn’t going to let her go downstairs and cockblock (which he DID, actually) and Emily would have understood the concept and respected what Ty said. Emily would have told Ty she wanted to tell that ***** off and he would have understood and respected THAT, but informed her that she was going to have to wait until Josh finished hooking up and then RandomChick was all hers. Since they’re *NOT* actually FRIENDS and certainly not bros, that’s not what happened.

A side note to all this is that this was entirely Josh’s fault. :D He knew the chicks in the house are perpetual cockblockers.. Actually, this seems to be a running theme in reality shows like this. The chicks never pull any guys to come to the house and mess with them and then get their kicks trying to watch and giggle together when one of the guys brings a girl home. They had already demonstrated this when Andrew was trying to hook up, which was part of the reason Ty knew he had to stop them this time.

Anyway… Josh knew he was going into a situation with nosey chicks that felt like they had authority in the house because guys are too ***** to tell it like it really is. He SHOULD have told the chick that was coming home with him not to interact with the live-in chicks at all. I know the video was edited, but I honestly don’t know how he made it downstairs with the chick without Emily screaming on her right there.

So here’s the assessment.. If you’re faking being a bro with a chick in order to hook up with her, you don’t get to be a wingman AGAINST her. Inform your boy that you have his back *UNLESS* this particular chick gets involved because you’re not going to screw up YOUR action to save his.

Keep It Real

I just remembered another reason this situation was Josh’s fault. Josh had a girlfriend at the time that he brought home RandomChick. Josh had invited his girlfriend to come to the house to visit, during which time, she inevitably met and bonded with the other girls in the house. Even if RandomChick hadn’t talked ****, Josh essentially slapped them all in the face by showing up with a girl he was cheating on their homegirl with.

The female counter-statement is “Chicks Before Dicks”. By introducing his girlfriend to the girls in the house, she was initiated into their sorority. Even though they knew him for way longer than her, she’s a chick and Josh isn’t, making her a BRO of theirs, rendering Josh the HO in this situation.

Josh is lucky the gals didn’t rat him out. IN FACT, when his girlfriend called up later, Emily picked up the phone AND. COVERED. FOR. JOSH. by saying she’d check to see if he was awake as opposed to saying she’d check to see if he was finished with the girl he took downstairs with him. So, *PROPS* to Emily for lookin’ out! :D

So, Yeah… Fellaz!… “Bros Before Hoes!” is fun to say and all, but you’re really better off making a hierarchical list of the people (guys AND girls) that have demonstrated the desire and ability to be DOWN for you and make your decisions from there.

If a chick has put in the time and demonstrated the value to you whereby she qualifies as a bro, show her the respect she deserves. Look out for HER and wing for HER if she’s trying to get a rap. Extend her all the perks of.. bron-ess? bro-dom? bro-ism?…

Anyway, you know what I’m saying. Keep it Real… Don’t leave her ass in the garbage outside the club.

Related Posts

• Does He Trust You? [RW:DC, Part 03]
• I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01]
• 10 Reasons He Wants To Be “Just Friends”
• Guilt By Association / Social Media Connections
• Frenemies or Frienemies

A reader asked me a question to the effect of whether guys expect sex on the fourth date. I thought this was very interesting because I hadn’t ever considered the concept before. Offhand, I would say “No. Sex is Not expected on the fourth date”.
 
Sex is expected immediately.

What He’s Thinking

The only reason he spoke to you in the first place was that he thought you were attractive. Similar to not renting a porno movie and waiting three weeks to watch it, he would like to hook up with you BEFORE he introduces himself to you. By the time you become aware of him, he’s already mentally done the deed a few times while he was figuring out what he was going to say to you to get the show on the road.

The number of dates makes no difference. It’s basically True or False. 1 or 0. Yes or No. She gave it up or she didn’t. \o/ So, for instance, a sequence involving sex on the fourth date would look like 0001. Sex on the third date would look like 0010, etc.

The guy is striving for 1111 and there’s really nothing more to say on that topic. :D

What She’s Thinking

Regardless of whether she likes the guy or not, the average gal on the scene is striving not to look like a ho. At some point in history, the Worldwide Queen Of All Women handed down the decree that the magic number for holding out that qualifies a gal as “not a ho” is three (3) dates. Therefore, observing strict adherence to the Women’s Handbook requires a gal to go 000 on her first three encounters with a guy so she will be beyond reproach if she decides to give it up after that.

Thus, the genesis of the question “Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?”. What’s going to happen if a chick goes 0000? What about 0000000000?

We See You Coming

Unfortunately for women, men already know what you’re doing. Some guys are willing to wait it out while y’all play games with yourselves. *yawn* Sooner or later, you’ll let yourself do what you wanted to do the first day we kicked it to you and then it’s Game On! :D

One of the failures of the three-date-abstinence rule is that no timetable was handed down regarding space between dates. This means that you can take a chick out three times during the week and still hit it on Saturday, just the way you planned it. It’s not like you only see her ON Saturdays, which would mean that it would take you an entire month to get on.

Another failure is that sometimes, holding out makes a guy MORE likely to hit it & quit it instead of LESS likely. Going out with you and not demanding sex might mean he’s willing to date you ad infinitum without hooking up. It could also mean that he’s got other chicks to kick it with while he waits for you to come around. This is one of the main reasons why I say that sex isn’t expected on the fourth date.

Never. Say. “Never!” ;)

Guys know that BEFORE the fourth date, chicks are gonna kick themselves for giving it up, so date #4 is really the first time they’re spending authentically uninhibited time with them. Assuming the guy hasn’t bailed already, if he’s waited out three dates, there’s no reason he wouldn’t wait out four dates or six or twelve.

You have to consider the reason why she’s dating you in the first place…

She’s going through her usual process to determine whether she wants to give you some or not. If she wins the game and you become her boyfriend, she automatically inherits responsibility for your sexual satisfaction.

It’s not like she’s NEVER going to give it up.. She just wants to feel like it’s a good probability that she’s going to get what SHE wants out of the relationship before getting down with the program.

So.. Date #4 isn’t any sort of significant milestone for a guy. It’s still a 1 or a 0. He gets on or he doesn’t. It’s not like a guy’s gonna say “Tarnation! :/ I took her out all four times like I was supposed to and she STILL didn’t give it up? I’m OUTTA HERE!” :D

If a guy likes you as a person, he’ll hang out with you whether he’s getting on or not. If he doesn’t like you as a person, giving him some most likely won’t change how he feels AT ALL. If you seem sincere in not wanting to have sex with him, most guys will be cool with that too.. Assuming, of course, you’re not the only gal he’s dating. :D

Related Posts

• How To Pretend To Listen (Cricket Status)
• Ladies: How To Get To Know Your Boyfriend
• Ladies: How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend
• Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men
• Video Games & Dating, Part 01

One of my most popular posts is 2008’s “How To Break Up With Your Girl”. It seems like every single day, somebody wants to know how to break up with a girl….

***** SPOILER ALERT for Real World: DC ***** If you don’t want to know what happened last night, stop reading now! :D

*
*
*
*
*
*

Being a professional at getting rid of chicks while maximizing their potential to feel good about it, I was sitting there like :O watching Josh dump his girlfriend on RW:DC last night. It was horrific. It was brutal.

I know how brutal it was because I did just about the exact same thing back in the day.

Cheating & Valor

Personally, I’m not a “cheater”. I put that in quotes because I don’t believe in cheating. I believe in Free Will. I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it regardless of what I say to some chick.

Being that I understand this about myself, the issue is circumvented by never committing to one chick. If you don’t tell one person that you’re in a committed relationship with them, you don’t have to extricate yourself from the relationship on the fly when something else comes up that you want to do.

Whomever you’re dating deserves that much, at least. They deserve more than on some regular day, they get a phone call from their boyfriend telling them that it’s over and that’s that. I’ve done it. I didn’t like “having” to do it. I wasn’t happy about it. I’m not proud about it. I wish I could have thought up a better way to deal with the situation, but I was like 19 and that’s all I had in my arsenal at the time.

The reason I brought up not being a cheater is because it’s an issue of valor and strength. If you make a verbal commitment to someone that you and she are in an exclusive relationship, you need to keep your word… not to HER, but to YOURSELF.

That’s like telling someone you’re going to work for them and then not showing up. That’s like having someone work for you and then not paying them. That’s like having kids with a chick and not supporting them. It’s an issue of valor. How are you supposed to look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you’re a weak Human Being and a pathetic excuse for a male of the species?

So, besides the fact that I don’t believe in the concept at all, that’s why I’m not a cheater. When I say something, it means something.. To *ME* and to other people. I wouldn’t be happy with myself, telling some chick “You’re my girlfriend, and I love you” on the phone and then picking up chicks at the bar left and right.

This is how I ended up in the Josh-esque situation of having to dump a chick out of the blue over the phone. I wasn’t in the process of hooking up, because that’s not something I would have done BEFORE breaking up with the chick, but I could feel it coming… I knew damned well that if I had been in the moment, the moment would have occurred. I wouldn’t have stopped the action to have some sort of philosophical conversation with the girlfriend that I had already decided wasn’t my girlfriend anymore, so I did what I considered to be the right thing and dumped her BEFORE something happened. It was still ****** up, but it was the best solution I could come up with at the time.

Double Standards

So Josh’s chick heads for the bathroom and Josh heads for the phone. I’m hoping and praying that he’s going to do the right thing and fall on his sword, taking the entire heat for the situation, but I don’t figure that’s what’s going to happen.

From the way they’ve edited the show, it doesn’t appear that Josh has the capability to have an actual “girlfriend”. He said something a few episodes back about how he was homeless and she let him live with her or something. I’m sure he said a bunch of other good stuff about her that they edited out in order to develop his character in a particular direction, but it’s clear that dude thrives off of attention. It’s clear that he’s not the “No. I have a girlfriend” type of dude.

The funny part about all this is that a few episodes back, when he heard that HIS GIRLFRIEND might have been creeping around the way, this guy starts BITCHING AND MOANING about it to her, like as if they’re in some kind of important relationship. This is a fantastic and obvious case study of a double standard. “Cheat on me and I’ll flip my wig!!! :O .. Meanwhile, I’ll cheat on you and if you find out about it, I’ll break up with you because I already have another ***** anyway. Peace! :D”

I Kissed A Girl

So Josh starts off decently with sounding somber and like he might have been crying recently. That was good because you don’t want to break up with a chick like blah blah Peace! You want to seem as if you give a damn.. Assuming you’re interested in her mental health, well being and physical safety. You want it to seem like this decision is tough on you, when, in reality, the chick you’re about to bang is in the bathroom and you took this opportunity to absolve yourself from the guilt of having to tell your girlfriend that you hooked up AFTER THE FACT.

The first “OOF!” moment came when he finally started breaking down what was going on. He goes “I kissed somebody”. :/ I was like “Come. On. Player.. YOU *KNOW* that’s not what it is! :D Jeez. That was the MAJOR cop-out, because a) he had made out with chicks on camera BEFORE that night, and b) he was completely understating his level of involvement with tonight’s chick.

I understood why he did it. The intention was proper. He knew that HER reaction to hearing that he kissed a chick was going to be breaking up with him, which absolved him from guilt for hooking up with the chick he had waiting for him to finish yakking on the phone so they could do this, like Brutus and we always knew this.

The execution was *****. Straight up. You know what you’re about to do. Let your girl down properly if you’re going to do it at all. If you just HAVE TO BE THAT WEASEL whose word doesn’t mean jack-**** then let her know the real deal. Don’t make her feel like there’s a chance at reviving the exclusivity of the relationship by acting like you kissed a chick and came home solo and were about to go to sleep. :/

Having said all that, I’m aware that these are edited shows, and as an editor, I could have made Josh look as valiant or as creepy as the producers wanted him to look, so it’s entirely possible that they deleted the parts where he explained that he was about to screw the chick he kissed tonight as soon as he got off the phone with his girlfriend… I just completely DOUBT that that’s what happened.

Woman-Speak

Josh then proceeds to talk too much and say that he kissed a girl that he’s been “seeing a couple of times”. :/ BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. Wrong Answer!

This is where the whole situation dove downhill. Most guys don’t understand woman-speak. Women will tell you the amount that they’re COMFORTABLE telling you. Unless you’re tight with them (which means, by default, that you’re not dating them), they’re not going to tell you what ACTUALLY happened. They already know this about themselves. This is why when you tell women about something YOU did, they automatically escalate what you said a couple of levels.

If a chick you’re not tight with tells you that she went out with a dude, she may very well have ****** his ****. If she tells you she did that, she probably screwed him. If she tells you nothing at all happened, she probably made out with him. This is the logic they apply to what YOU tell THEM.

So, for Josh to say he kissed someone, she’s going to assume he did way more than kissing. For Josh to nail his own coffin shut by saying “This promoter that I’ve been… seeing a couple of times”, he’s admitting that a) he can’t be trusted around women that are supposedly platonic business friends of his, and b) that he’s been actively pursuing this chick that he supposedly ‘just’ kissed while he was in a committed relationship to his girlfriend.

Play “Taps”. The Fat Lady is singing.

I’m Only A Man

So then he tries to weasel his way out of the situation by saying “I’ve tried my hardest.. I can’t stand to hurt you anymore”. This is where I started to get disgusted. He wasn’t “hurting” his girlfriend because he had been HIDING his behavior this whole time. This phone call wasn’t to relieve her of some kind of current pain she was in. Josh knew he was about to get pizaid and he didn’t feel like a) admitting it after the fact and making himself look like more of a crumb, or b) having the chicks in the house spill the beans to his girl, which would have been even worse.

Of course, his girl starts going berserk, as if that matters. “How Could You Do This? blah blah blah”. Nobody cares. This is the guilt-absolution conversation, not the “let’s talk about this” conversation. This is the “I have a ***** waiting for me in the bathroom” conversation.

So just when I thought the situation had hit rock bottom as far as Josh not taking responsibility for his own desires COUGHtigerCOUGH, she aks him why he did it and he goes “I can’t help myself… I’m only a man, and I can’t help myself. I don’t know what else to tell you”.

……

No. Sorry, Dude. :/ If you want to bring the word “man” into this, you need to say “I’m a man, and I do THE **** what I want to do, including ******* this chick that’s waiting for me to finish dumping you right now”.

This is the end result of women running all over creation screaming “MEN ARE DOGS!!!”. Guys have now adopted this as their ‘out’ in all situations. “What did you expect me to do? I’m only a man. :(“. What’s your point, dude? There are only two options.. Male and Female. You’re saying that all guys cheat? Maybe you’re saying that you’re a sex addict? O_o

UGH! I was so disgusted. Just admit that you’re with a chick that you feel like banging right now, regardless of the fact that you have a girlfriend and you just plain don’t care enough about what your girl says, thinks or feels about what you do with YOUR life and YOUR body.

This is where the term “Man Up” originates from. It means BE. A. STRONG. PERSON!.. It doesn’t mean to hide behind stereotypes to explain away your DELIBERATE actions as some kind of mental or especially gender-based weakness.

Disheartening?… Enlightening?

So anyway, Josh ripped his girlfriend’s heart out, then went to get laid.

I think this is a really important episode for women to watch, even though, as I’ve said, it’s clearly edited and probably doesn’t show the entirety of the conversations and Josh’s behaviors so we don’t really have a full picture of what actually happened.

I think this is a CLEAR case of a guy that’s down to have as many chicks as he can have, and he’s willing to be a weasel to get them. Whatever they need to hear, that’s what he’s going to tell them to get them to lay down. That’s not unique. He’s not an anomaly. He’s not an exception to a rule.

What I would like women to go watch is how a guy can get on the phone with you, yak about whatever, tell you he loves you and then get back into bed with the next chick and pick up where he left off. I would like y’all to watch how a guy could have his girlfriend travel to see him, spend time with him, hook up with him and as soon as she breaks out, he’s hooking up with the next chick.

I’m not making this stuff up myself. :) Reader “Marie” called my posts disheartening. That may very well be the case, but I see things from a different perspective. These people with their happy-go-lucky dating blogs are only telling you half of the story… and it’s NOT the half that’s going to help you when YOU’RE the one that gets the “I’m dumping you” call (or text) out of the blue from the guy you thought you were in an exclusive relationship with.

“I’m only a man” might work on *YOU* and get you to go to your girlfriends yammering about how weak your now-ex-boyfriend’s mind is that he wasn’t able to resist the slightest “temptation”, but I guarantee you that same dude isn’t thinking about you AT ALL while he’s hooking up with the next chick, except for those brief moments in time where he thinks “Thank God I’m rid of what’shername” in between strokes.

Related Posts

• Does He Trust You? [RW:DC, Part 03]
• Bros Before Hoes? [RW:DC, Part 02]
• Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men
• Tiger Woods vs. Chris Brown
• Enabling Cheating In Relationships (Enough Is Enough)