You know?….. It’s actually completely amazing to me how differently men and women’s minds work when it comes to relationships. Most of the time, I can’t even believe it. I’m like “Are you serious? :/”.

Let’s think about the concept of being “unable” to remain faithful or screwing a bunch of chicks behind your wife or girlfriend’s back because you were too WEAK to do otherwise… That. Is. The. Most. Retarded. ****. I’ve. Ever. Heard. and it persists. It’s like no matter how much evidence women receive, they refuse to believe that dudes just basically aren’t interested in monogamy.

Maybe some of y’all could leave a comment below and help me out. Let me tell you how it actually works for guys, and then you can tell me how your brain ***** this up.

1) Guy meets girl
2) Girl won’t give it up without blackmail agreement of fidelity
3) Guy agrees to fidelity in order to procure sex from said chick
4) Guy meets a different chick
5) Guy feels like ******* her too and does so
6) Guy doesn’t get caught and his relationship continues
7) Eventually, guy gets caught
8) Girl bounces from relationship, claiming her man was too WEAK to not screw other chicks
9) Guy keeps hooking up with the chicks he has left on the roster
10) Wash, Rinse, Repeat [goto 1]
11) End of Program

Like, I mean how ******* SIMPLE could it possibly be? I don’t know why chicks just can’t get this. \o/

Let me try with a different example:

1) Guy goes to work
2) Two weeks later, the job writes him a check
3) Guy deposits check in bank
4) Bank clears check
5) Guy removes cash from ATM
6) Guy has money
7) Wash, Rinse, Repeat [goto 1]

Please tell me how you mentally arrive at the determination that the guy didn’t really want the money and that some mental or moral deficiency of his is what led to him cashing the check that he didn’t want. Please amaze me once again with your skillz at understanding men, why we do what we do and what our uses for you are.

Why are those situations exactly the same? I’ll tell you. Getting chicks is WORK. Chicks don’t just offer themselves to you like it’s Amsterdam and they’re hookers in the window while you’re walking down the street. WE have to step to chicks. WE have to make it happen. Just like guys go to work BECAUSE they want to get paid, guys talk to girls BECAUSE we want to get laid. Period. Unless we have something in common with you like we’re in the same line of work or share the same hobbies, that’s what we’re doing.. Setting up future-sex.

The work is the TALKING and the check is the SEX. It’s very simple. If you can understand the process whereby a man receives money for work that he did, you can understand how he screws at least 14 chicks behind your back COUGHelinCOUGH, ***** some tattoo-freak-looking chick for 11 months while you’re filming movies COUGHsandraCOUGH, imports hookers across state lines to the tune of $4,000 for something he should be getting for free COUGHsildaCOUGH, or escapes to Argentina to spend intimate time with the love of his life COUGHjennyCOUGH.

Why is it, exactly, that you believe that men that have no problems whatsoever carrying out their myriad duties in life juuuuuuuuuust can’t get a handle on how to NOT **** other women? :D It’s completely retarded.. really. Have you ever seen Tiger Woods hit a golf ball in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION of the hole he’s trying to get it in? O_o .. Just tee it up and hit it in the direction of the clubhouse instead of the green? Do you think his mind fails to work randomly? Wouldn’t that become evident on the golf course? Wouldn’t he *NOT* be a champion? I can’t hit a golf ball AT ALL. I would thoroughly be unsurprised if I took a swing and the ball went backwards instead of forwards, or maybe straight up in the air and fell back down where the tee used to be. What is it that makes you think being faithful to a chick is tougher than playing golf? What is it that makes you mentally strive to explain away 11-month affairs by saying the guy was too weak to stand up to his commitment? What is it that makes you believe there’s any excuse for hiring $4,000 hookers other than “I felt like it. \o/”?

This is funny and all, but I’m actually sick of this. You don’t know how tough it is for me not to look you in the eye and say “YOU are a ******* IDIOT!”. Guys run multi-million dollar corporations and get elected to high-level public positions BY CALCULATION. How is it that you can look at someone and say he’s so great at getting his way and then not see infidelity as him getting his way as he normally does in life?

My uneducated guess is that you’ve either been properly brainwashed or you don’t want to face the fact that the truth SUCKS! :D Strangely enough, I have to go with the brainwashing, because it’s amazing to look in chicks’ eyes IRL and SEE that they CLEARLY don’t understand what happened. The evidence just doesn’t register. That’s some good-ass brainwashing right thurrrr. It’s easier than Eddie Murphy said, which is that even if they catch you pounding out another chick and see it with their own eyes, just say “It wasn’t me”.

Anyway, I just needed to rant about this one last time before I attempt to let it go forever. I’m tired. I’m tired of explaining to chicks that monogamy is absolutely unnatural. I’m tired of explaining to chicks that guys hook up with other girls because they feel like it and not because of some derangement or deficiency or weakness. We tell you what we have to tell you to get laid. Some of us mean it, some of us don’t. Get a clue… PLEASE! :/

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Reader “Tron” writes:

“Why do some women say that they want a man but then, they want to be the “Man” in relationships or at least try to act like it. Example, they can’t wait for a man to open the door or pull out their chair, or they can’t say thanks when receiving a compliment.”

This is actually an excellent question, which I’m sure baffles guys across the entire United States of America. I’ll kick off the conversation with my opinion about the situation…

Women Have Problems

Women have problems. Everybody knows this. I’d have problems too if life automatically SUCKED every 28 days. I’d have problems if I had to expel kids from my body instead of playing video games while some chick lays up in the hospital experiencing hours worth of labor. I’d have problems if I couldn’t walk past a construction site without blue-collar workers attempting to attract my attention. I’d have problems if every time a chick wanted to talk to me, I knew she was trying to get laid….. ok, scratch that last one! ;)

One of women’s problems is that they live in a Patriarchal society, but their personal reality is Matriarchal. According to Wikipedia:

Matriarchy (or gynecocracy) refers to a gynecocentric form of society, in which the leading role is taken by the women and especially by the mothers of a community.
There are no known societies that are unambiguously matriarchal, although there are a number of attested matrilinear, matrilocal and avunculocal societies, especially among indigenous peoples of Asia and Africa, such as those of the Basques, Minangkabau, Mosuo, Berbers or Tuareg

See what I mean? In order to find locations where women are Runnin’ Thangs, you have to find actual TRIBES, like in RAIN FORESTS n ish. :D So women are very used to guys thinking they’re better than them, merely because they’re guys.

You *ARE* The Father!

At the same time.. Paternity is questionable, while Maternity is definite. People are actually standing there when the kid comes out of the chick. What this tends to lead to is a lot of deadbeatdadism.

When dudes step to the left and **** off their responsibilities to take care of their kids, the mother doesn’t ordinarily have that same option. This leads to A LOT of families where the mothers or the grandmothers are the heads of the family, regardless of the surrounding societal circumstances.

So what you end up with is chicks that have to make it on their own AND provide for their kids AND protect their kids. This calls for an incredibly strong will. It’s not necessarily easy for women that are used to fighting for everything they have to ease back and let a guy show them a good time.

It’s a poor comparison, but as a video editor, I’m used to running the show. Regardless of who the client is or how successful their company is, the reason they called me in is that I know more about making videos better and faster than they do. Even though they feel like they’re running the show, because they’re paying for my time, *I’M* the one that understands whether the project’s on track or not and it’s my responsibility to corral the client when what they’re talking about is going to cause us to miss our deadline or end up with an inferior product. I do this all the time. They don’t. If THEY fail, they’re going to point at ME, and I’m not going out like that. :D

This is why as much as I’m involved with video production and editing, I find it tough to just act in videos or to be a part of other people’s video productions. I have to believe that even though they’re not going to do what *I* would have done with the video that they’re going to do a really good job that I feel like having represent me just in case two and a half million people happen to watch the video.

I’m personally not going to be comfortable giving up control over my media presence to someone else. I know how well I handle my own business and unless I feel someone else is going to come close to my level or exceed it, I’m not likely to defer. This is the same situation that guys run up against when taking out women that are used to being self-sufficient and only relying on themselves to make everything happen.

Women’s Lib

Even for women that don’t have kids, Second Wave Women’s Liberation (1960s-1980s) ****** up the program for a lot of them. According to Wikipedia:

“During this time feminists campaigned against cultural and political inequalities. The movement encouraged women to understand aspects of their own personal lives as deeply politicized, and reflective of a sexist structure of power. If first-wave feminism focused upon absolute rights such as suffrage, second-wave feminism was largely concerned with other issues of equality, such as the end to discrimination”

The problem with this way of thinking is that it’s left up to the individual to make the distinction between something that’s being done as a demeaning gesture and something that’s being done as a friendly or even romantic courtesy.

For instance, Tron’s example of pulling the chair out for a lady when you’re being seated at a restaurant… That will either be seen as “He’s being a gentleman” or “He thinks I can’t move this chair on my own”. Same thing with ordering first. I’ll be damned if I tell a waiter what I want before all the females at the table do. I don’t give a **** what they think about it either. All of our asses will sit here and STARVE until y’all females tell this dude what you want to eat. That will either be seen as “He’s being a gentleman” or “He’s trying to control me by telling me WHAT to do and WHEN to do it”.

Same thing with ordering FOR her. Personally, if that were part of my repertoire, I would ask her what she wanted and then convey her desires to the waiter when he arrived. I most certainly wouldn’t come up with something that *I* wanted her to eat and then tell the waiter to bring THAT to her. That’s lame, unless she asks me what I recommend. That situation will be seen as “He’s being a gentleman” or “He’s treating me like a kid and not letting me speak up for myself as a grown-ass woman”.

Depending on where each particular woman draws the line, you’re going to get different responses to your courteous gestures. This is because she’s playing two games at the same time. There’s the “Self Respect” game and the “I’m On A Date” game.

Defense

While we’re on this topic.. There’s the issue of “breaking bad” or “the laying-on of hands”. Popular Courtesy dictates that guys should never kick women’s asses, but as we see in the news every day, there are lots of guys that don’t subscribe to this concept.

One of the things that I find really, *REALLY* RETARDED about how some women carry themselves in relationships is that their behavior seems to fly in the face of what they expect from their man.

One of the most basic reasons for a woman to select one man over another is security. That might be financial security, but it also might be physical security. She wants to know that if something threatens her or her offspring, her man is going to do something about it, or at least attempt to….. Meanwhile, she expects to throw hands at him anytime she feels like it without consequences & repercussions.

This doesn’t make any sense. Either your man doesn’t take ISH from people, INCLUDING YOU, or he DOES take it from everyone, meaning that you can’t count on him for security. I really don’t understand why women feel free to lay hands on guys twice their size and weight and fail to see it as a GIFT that the guy doesn’t hit them back, like they’d expect him to hit some guy that’s pressuring her or the both of them.

Of course, if it’s already been determined that the female is the more physically aggressive one in the couple, she STILL needs to keep her hands off her boyfriend because that makes her a bully. Meanwhile, he needs to keep HIS hands off of HER or else get what’s coming to him! :D

Compliments

There’s actually a good reason why women can’t properly accept compliments anymore. Too many guys know that complimenting a gal is the easy route to getting laid and use words as a gimmick instead of a genuine expression of how she’s inspired him to feel. With dudes every day telling chicks how good they look, they lose the ability to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Another issue is that women tend to allow their own perception of themselves to override your personal perception of them. Let’s say she used to weigh 105 lbs and now she weighs 135 lbs. She’s going to perceive herself as a 105 lb woman that’s 30 lbs overweight while you perceive her as nicely fat-assed with more bounce to the ounce. >:) As a matter of fact, she might even NEED a few more sandwiches in order for her to look sexier…

If that’s the case, when you tell her she looks good, she feels like you’re patronizing her because SHE refuses to believe that *SHE* looks good, so you’re either full of **** or you have really poor taste in women. It just can’t POSSIBLY BE that you ACTUALLY are turned on by how she looks right now. :D

Also, women find these weirdo ways to twist whatever you just said into something completely different. I was having a conversation with a homegirl of mine and told her something about a different chick like “I knew I wasn’t going to be able to provide her with what she’s looking for in life, so I let her go”. This was an actual statement of fact, however, what I received in return was “You didn’t love her enough to give her what she wanted”. O_o

hahahaha Um… NO!.. I loved her enough to KNOW that I wasn’t down with her program and she needed to find someone else that was interested in the same thing SHE was interested in. For that, I received “You didn’t actually love her at all, because if you did, you would have [sacrificed your life to make her life wonderful]“. Completely amazing, down & dirty, gritty conversation where both of us were saying what we really felt about the topic.

This is what happens to your compliments when you say them to chicks. They get mangled the **** up into something you didn’t say and you didn’t mean and that doesn’t represent you as a person and certainly doesn’t represent how you feel about your relationship to her. It’s such a bad situation that I actually started avoiding complimenting women I spend time with because I didn’t want them making up fantasticmological things in their heads about what I meant when what I MEANT was what I SAID, which was that “You look hawt today!”, which was a statement of fact and had nothing to do with what I may or may not have felt like DOING about the fact that they looked good to me that particular day.

I elected to abandon that stance and bite the bullet (and perhaps, the dust) because I realized I was adding to the problem. If all the guys that have genuine compliments for women refuse to express them, all that’s left are the fake compliments, and the situation just gets worse. I’m willing to burn bridges by saying what I’m thinking because a) I have more chicks, so what difference does it make? and b) if we can’t authentically express ourselves to each other, what “friendship” do we actually have in the first place? O_o

‘Cause Today I Found My Friends… They’re In My Head…

So the problem that women have is that they want men who are better than they are, but at the same time, they want to act like they’re equal to or better than the men they selected. :D

They select men that make more money than they do, but insist on expressing their equality by going dutch on dates.

They select men that are physically stronger than they are, but insist that they could kick his ass if they actually felt like it. This PSYCHOSIS is fueled by the fact that this guy that could crush her refuses to do so on the basis of “Men should never hit Women”.

They select men that are doing well in business and then they want to tell him what to do with his money.

They select men that can have their pick of women and then tell him he can only get physical with her for the rest of his life.

They select men that don’t have any kids ON PURPOSE and attempt to dictate that he’s going to be a father to some other dude’s children.

They select men that are driving Porches and attempt to dictate that he’s going to trade it in for a minivan so he can transport her and her kids around town, like as if that was ever his goal in life.

They want you to be a gentleman and WANT to open the door for them, but they want to open their own doors to express how independent they are in life.

They want YOU to put their name on the mortgage for your house, even though they didn’t contribute one thin dime to its purchase or maintenance.

It’s effin’ CRAZY, but it’s all in the game. :) Women want to be “The Man” in relationships because most of the time, they have to be their own man and handle everything on their own. They spend all day every day fending off advances from guys, trying to get equal pay for equal work, raising kids that dudes dipped on after being 50% of their creation… It’s not easy to turn “I’ve got to fend for myself in this life” off.

Women just plain aren’t used to being treated properly anymore. They have no experience with Real Men. A lot of them aren’t even being RAISED by men so the only experience they have is with women. They have no point of reference to tell that they’re being treated well & respectfully by a male. Everything we say to them is being thrown in with their experiences with guys that will say ANYTHING just to get laid and none of it means anything at all. Everything we say to them is being filtered through their own perception of themselves and of guys in general.

Let It Slide

IMO, The solution to all this is to Keep It Real and then Let It Slide. Just yesterday, I encountered an elderly Asian female neighbor that I don’t personally know. I was fully aware that she didn’t know English AT ALL. Using my just about nonexistent understanding of Asian culture, instead of just saying “Have a good day”, I smiled at her and bowed at the same time. She received my communication and smiled and bowed at me and waved goodbye.

That’s all I can do. I don’t know Chinese. I can’t speak to her in her own language. All I can do is emote to her “I wish you goodwill :)” and she’ll receive it and enjoy it or she won’t.

Similarly, there’s nothing we can do about women that have been conditioned through their life’s experiences to be unable to decipher and receive genuine expressions from men. We have to let it slide. I was invited out to an Italian restaurant by a woman that understood Italian. I ended up ordering something that was a starter or side dish, similar to Calamari or Buffalo Wings because I didn’t imagine that it wouldn’t be a full meal for $17! :D Her choice was to say “This dude is a completely uncultured Neanderthal” or to let it slide.

If a gal can’t roll with your system of being a gentleman, it’s on you to either bounce, stoop to her level or MAKE HER get used to it. :) It’s an uphill battle because you’re fighting against her entire life’s conditioning as well as issues that even SHE doesn’t know SHE’S fighting against. Your selections are “This chick is a Neanderthal and I can’t stand it”, “This chick is a Neanderthal, but I’m willing to roll with her because I think she can be so much more than SHE believes she can be” or “This chick is properly receiving and responding to my genuine gestures towards her, so I feel really comfortable and happy with continuing to date her”.

Ultimately, everyone’s not for everyone. A chick might be ‘cute than a mug’ and have more bounce to the ounce, but actually interacting with her IRL is way more trouble than it’s worth. Use her reactions to your natural style as indicators of whether you want to keep kickin’ it with this chick or just step and get a new one that might come equipped with a personality that you can honestly and authentically enjoy, standard. :)

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It’s rare that I hear anything of actual interest on “Reality Television” shows, but on this week’s “Real World: DC”, Andrew said in the confessional that he doesn’t trust women… Across the board… Like, women IN GENERAL, he doesn’t trust.

They threw in a sound bite about him being aware that his mother cheated on his father. That was probably the deepest revelation in the show about him because he’s made a career out of NOT giving up any personal information about himself. In fact, the reason this came up was that the girl he’s now calling “girlfriend” told him that she feels like he’s holding back, which has been his Modus Operandi the entire show.

I also found it interesting that he invoked “Bros Before Hoes” not once, but TWICE in episode 2311, as well as mentioning his “Wingman Responsibilities”…

Casting Calls

ok.. I have to sidetrack for a second. So this entire episode was about Andrew and his “Girlfriend” (named Andrea). They have him introduce her by saying “So I met this girl at [whatever location]…” and they don’t show where/when he met her, but he comes walking down the street with her. They play the entire episode like it’s some kind of chance meeting, like they’ve been playing all the other chicks the guys in the house have met / made out with / brought back to the crib.

So just now, I wasn’t sure what episode this was, so I go to MTV’s site and they have a section called “View Andrea’s Casting Tape”. :/

Of course, I’m like “How the hell does a random chick in Washington, DC have a CASTING TAPE on file with MTV?” :/

At the end of the video, where she was interviewed via Skype, she says that MTV would regret not picking her, because she would probably try to “sleep with” everyone in the house”…… COME ON, MAN! :/

So.. Apparently, MTV reached back to the benchwarmers and selected this chick to try to get some action in the house. Lame. I wish I hadn’t looked for that episode and stumbled upon that audition tape. Now, I have to go off on an entirely different tangent than I intended…

No Action

I don’t know how they did the casting for this season, but it ended up mad lame. “Jersey Shore” kicked this entire season’s ass with their first two-hour episode. The reason they needed to reach back to their audition tapes is that the chicks in the house are a bunch of do-nothings. Surprisingly, Andrew put in the most work this season, followed by Josh, even though he had a girlfriend that he eventually dumped so he could hook up with other chicks without feeling guilty about it. Next in line was Mike and then bringing up the rear was Ty, who fell in love with Emily, who immediately cut him off as soon as he told her he was really into her. It really looked in the beginning like it was going to be exactly the opposite, with Ty being the leader, followed by Mike, Josh and Andrew getting lucky, maybe.

As far as the chicks… Nothing. Not a damn thing. I don’t know HOW they cast ALL of these do-nothings on the same show. \o/ Emily was hooking up with Ty until he confessed his feelings for her and she dumped him, never to get another rap ever again for the entire show. The day she dumped Ty, we saw her dancing with some dude that LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE TY in a bar, while Ty looked on, upset.. but after the breakup, Emily’s had ZERO romantic storyline whatsoever. Nothing. Off the grid. Gone.

Ashley started out strong and made out with her housemate, Mike, but after that… NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. No action of any kind, whatsoever. Callie could have had action with Andrew from the giddyap, since he was all into her, but she fessed up on that so that she could do……… NOTHING! No romantic storyline AT ALL. Erika has a boyfriend that she calls on the phone incessantly until he picks up the phone. No romantic storyline. No visit from the boyfriend. No action whatsoever. As a matter of fact, you mostly see Erika and Emily talking to THEIR MOTHERS on the telephone more than guys.

This is why for the sake of an interesting storyline, MTV had to reach back to the bench. If they had Andrea’s audition tape BEFORE they cast the entire show, they completely ****** up by not casting her instead of either Erika or Callie. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that they made an emergency casting call for new chicks once they realized how completely ****** their female storylines for this season were.

I don’t blame them for bringing in a ringer, except this completely undermines my point in this article. I was going to talk about how Andrew’s distrust of women in general is brought to his relationships, but in this case, he’s completely right. Chick says ON TAPE that she’s going to try to hook up with everyone (including chicks) in the house. Why in the world should we believe that she’s solely interested in Andrew as a boyfriend? Why in the world should HE believe that? Ugh.. Wish I hadn’t seen that. :D

Relationships Without Trust?

Anyway….. If we can put all this casting / ringer yadda yadda to the side.. I found it interesting that MTV elected to show a situation where a guy was all about a chick, head over heels for her, spending time with her, going out on dates, hooking up with her and STILL keeping her at arm’s length because he flat out doesn’t trust women.

I can see why that would be the case if he had become aware when he was younger that his mother cheated on his father. Your parents are supposed to be your blueprint for how relationships are supposed to be, or at least CAN BE in the best-case scenario. When there are infidelity or abuse issues in your household, it’s going to have a major effect on how you interact with people when it’s your turn to be involved in relationships.

The reason I wanted to discuss this is that a lot of women assume that just because a guy will mess with them, it means that he loves them or trusts them or cares about them or gives a flying **** whether they get run over by a truck. It’s just not true. Guys hook up with gals they’re physically attracted to and it’s not any deeper than that. I don’t say that to destroy your belief in Santa Claus or The Easter Bunny, I say that because there’s a percentage chance that that describes *your* relationship, whether you understand that or not.

How can a guy have a relationship to a woman he doesn’t trust?… Very simply…. So long as you don’t leave any important decisions up to her, you don’t need to trust her at all.

As long as her job description is to look good and be sexy, “Trust” never enters the equation. Unfortunately for women, attraction is built way faster than trust. Women like to call this “Thinking with the little head” and that’s very funny and all, ha ha ha, except when you don’t realize that your entire relationship is dependent upon the very concept you’re making jokes about.

Call Maury!

The way I see it.. Trust is built over time. Situations arise and you demonstrate who you are and what you’re about, instance by instance. More than once, I’ve gone into social situations with a team and split up as soon as we entered the establishment. As we selected our targets and made our individual runs, we’d eventually meet up and compare notes. The information the gals we talked to handed out would be suspiciously different, based on her level of attraction to the guy she was talking to…

She’s married. She’s not married. She has a boyfriend. She’s single. She’s from Brooklyn. She’s from Maine. She has kids. She doesn’t have kids. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, all this unreliable information which all ads up to nothing except she’s a ******* LIAR and she’s interested in hooking up with one of us, but not the other one.

Fortunately for guys, we have no problems hooking up with liars because nobody cares what they said in the first place. The problem occurs for women, when they feel like they pulled the wool over a guy’s eyes and tricked him into messing with her or claiming to be in a relationship with her or whatever her goal was.

This never comes to light, however, until something IMPORTANT comes up, where the guy needs to choose between accepting what she said like “Word is Bond” or letting her know to her face that he doesn’t believe it and he’s going to need a paternity test. :O

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Reader “Sophia” has made some very interesting comments over the last couple of days and I wanted to put in my two cents about something she brought up:

“Your advice to women is contradictory…” “Your comments that I quoted were together in the SAME text block below your blog post as though they somehow didn’t mean the exact opposite of each other.”

One of the ‘problems’ for me in writing a dating blog and participating in my own comment threads is that it’s tough for me to “freestyle” and speak from the same voice. The two different voices being what the average, status-quo-type person would think and what The Kid would think.

When I’m creating a blog post, I’m striving to speak from one of the two perspectives, and mostly along the status quo lines because I’m not trying to tell stories.. I’m trying to give information that might be useful to someone. If I wrote most of my blog posts from my own point of view, a) people wouldn’t understand what I’m saying, b) they wouldn’t believe what I’m saying, and c) they wouldn’t get anything out of it that they might be able to apply to their own lives.

If I were to give guys dating advice as if they were me, it would be 1) look proper, 2) go outside, 3) talk to girls that appear to like your presentation. Period. End of blog. I literally have a backlog of chicks that I’ve met and been meaning to hang out with, but haven’t had the time recently because of too much work. Meanwhile, every time I go to an event, I meet new chicks so the backlog increases. This is not normal. Giving advice as if everyone had this going on for them wouldn’t be productive or useful.

So what I do is place myself in the mindset that I feel is likely to be encountered by guys and gals on the dating scene and when I’m writing a post, I force myself into remembering the context of my post. When I’m participating in the comment threads, I’m “freestyling” or reacting directly to what was written. This is where the issue that Sophia brings up shows up the most for me because I’ve failed to remain in one voice. I switch between Average Joe and my own opinion without qualifying which voice I’m using.

So, for instance, I might say “If a guy doesn’t get sex from his girlfriend, he’s going to get it behind her back” and then say “I’m not a ‘cheater’”. Those are contradictory statements because in the first case, I’m talking about how in general, guys want to have their cake and eat it too and instead of dumping a chick for not producing sexually, they’d rather keep her and get azz on the side until she finds out and then who cares that she found out because you already have more chicks. In the second case, I’m talking about the fact that “cheating” means that you’re going back on YOUR OWN WORD TO YOURSELF, which is weak. If you were feeling a chick to the degree that you told her you weren’t going to hook up with any other chicks and then you fail to do that, you failed YOURSELF.. Unless you just said that as a ploy to get her to lay down, in which case you’re just a strategic liar.

Sophia’s main point seemed to be about my advice to women being contradictory along the lines of trying to get relationships versus looking like “sluts” for hooking up with guys they actually want to have sex with.

Unfortunately, the advice is going to be contradictory because all women can’t get away with the same things. If a chick is a 2, she has no wins at all and she can invoke “women’s lib” and “there’s someone for everyone” and anything else she’s been led to believe and that’s not going to make her look any better. She’s BELOW all the better-looking chicks on the totem pole when it comes to dating. I’ve never in my entire life heard a guy say “Man.. That chick is REEEEEEEALLY BUSTED, I think I’m going to go talk to her” and pass by better-looking girls to kick it to that particular one. Having said that, I’ve had guys point out ugly chicks to me as targets and when I asked them WTF they were talking about, the response has been “Did you see her ASS? :O” or some kind of redeeming value to the chick that’s going to make him overlook her visual shortcomings.

On the other side of the coin, there’s going to be different advice for 8s, 9s and 10s (hawt chicks) because they’re actually in demand. There’s going to be different advice for 5s, 6s and 7s because they’re seen as more approachable / attainable and guys aren’t scared to death of them and are more likely to ask them out.

There’s also different advice based on the type of guy they’re trying to pull. If she’s trying to pull a “King Of Queens” overweight UPS guy, that’s going to be different from if she’s trying to pull a model or a trader. They don’t hang out in the same places. They don’t look for the same qualities in women. There’s no one set of advice that works across the board.

The reason I consider commenting “freestyling” is that I attack it ‘off the top’ as if it were a question I received live over drinks @ Burp Castle. When I hear a question, ideas come to me and I express my answers. I’ll see what I can do to not drift between voices, but I’m not sure there’s anything TO be done because I don’t blog as a job. I blog for fun. Part of the fun is being a part of the conversation and kicking whatever I felt should have been kicked at that point in time. Sometimes, that’s going to be contradictory. Sometimes I’m going to contradict myself in the same text block. That’s because I’m real and I’m in the trenches. I’m not some bleacher-sitter speculating about how guys should buy women flowers and always say they’re wrong in an argument.

Everything doesn’t make sense in the real world. Why did you cross the street? I wanted to get to the other side. But the signal said “Don’t Walk”. There were no cars coming. You could have gotten run over. I didn’t.

One set of advice says “Only cross at the light and when it says walk”. The other set of advice says “Look both ways before you cross the street” and has ZERO provisions for whether you receive information from a sign that says it’s safe. Both are viable and both are contradictory. That’s Life.

Related Posts

• Does He Trust You? [RW:DC, Part 03]
• Bros Before Hoes? [RW:DC, Part 02]
• Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?
• I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01]
• Follow The Leader [Hunters, Part 02]

Suddenly, thanks to Tiger Woods’s speech, there’s a new word being thrown around by the pundits: “Entitlement”.

The funniest thing about this is that you can tell that they have no idea what they’re talking about when they say the word.

I mean, they understand the definition of the word, but since it’s something they’ve never had in their entire lives, they speak about it as if it’s an alien concept or as if Tiger’s suffering from delusions of grandeur.

I also understand now why they keep trying to call guys sex addicts. For people that grew up without entitlement or never achieved it in their lives, the behaviors don’t make sense.

I will now attempt to clear this up.. though I don’t expect you to understand anything I’m about to write. :D

Food

I live in the United States of America. I live in New York City, the capital of the universe. It’s currently 1:47 AM or 0147 to you Europeans and I can go get food RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. I can stop typing and go get potato chips, beer, cooked food or sit down in a restaurant as if it were the bright daylight afternoon… Right Now. I could do it again at 3 am and again at 5 am. We have 24-hour restaurants here. 24-hour grocery stores. 24-hour cabs trying to pick us up and take us somewhere. 24-hour public buses and subways, though they run really infrequently at this time of night.

Because of this, food is nothing to me. It’s nothing because I can always get it. I mean, I *LIKE* food, haha.. I’m just saying that I’ve visited relatives that live in the sticks, and life isn’t so easy out there. The restaurants all close… EARLY. You can’t buy beer after a certain time of night.. midnight? If you get hungry in the middle of the night, you’re stuck with whatever you have stocked up in your house. You can’t go sit down for a freshly-prepared burger or slice of pizza.

(Yes.. I’m aware that there are worse situations like people that live here but are BROKE and can’t afford food, people that live in places where they just plain can’t GET food and are starving to death and people whose houses are currently rubble and they’re living outside in tents.)

If I were to say to someone that lives in the sticks that I’m heading out for a deluxe burger platter at 2 am, they might perceive me as bragging when I’m merely informing them of the facts of the situation. WHAT I say is going to make them feel that way and HOW I say it is going to make it even worse. I speak as if I’m “entitled” to what I have because I’m USED TO what I have. I can go to the store + I have money to spend = I am entitled to eat whatever’s available right now that I want and can afford.

I’m not going to sound like I have sympathy for people that live in the sticks, because I don’t. Not because I dislike them. I TOTALLY like them! :D It’s just that I have no point of reference other than visiting cousins for feeling what it’s like to live a deprived lifestyle. HAHAHA Now you’re mad that I called them “deprived” hahaha :D

Unfortunately, just the same way you can’t understand my life and will call me egotistical, arrogant, stuck up, full of myself, narcissistic and whatever else, I can’t understand YOUR life, which is why my blog posts end up written how they are. I’m trying to explain the inexplicable because unless you’re living the same lifestyle, we can’t honestly discuss it and get down to the nitty-gritty.

I would feel differently about life right now if I didn’t have 24-hour access to food, and I would carry myself differently and do things differently.

Business

The USA is currently in a recession. People are losing their jobs. People are going broke. I’m fully aware of this.

I am a freelancer. I have an unique skill set that keeps me in demand regardless of what happens with the economy.

In fact, the more people that get fired in the video editing industry, the more demand there is for freelancers because we’re better and faster than staffers AND once the project is over, you don’t pay us another dime. You have to pay staffers whether they’re working or not.. all. year. round.

Regardless of my technical understanding of what a recession is, I don’t actually know what it’s like to experience what millions of people are going through right now.

Actually, I don’t even know what it’s like to be a regular video editor, working for random people and answering ads on Craig’s List or whatever, trying to get paid. All the work I do is through word of mouth.. Referrals from clients who know the speed & quality of my work and that I always get the job done (I’ve “missed air” one time in history, back in the Bloomberg Information Television days, and that piece aired 20 minutes later).

Similar to the food issue, this is going to sound egotistical or arrogant when I’m merely stating provable facts. You can go call up the people that I’ve worked for and ask them who I am and how their experience was. You’ll get the same answer, across the board.

Also, if you were to hear me actually say something about the recession, what you’ll come away with is that I’m speaking of it as a concept, not something that adversely affects my lifestyle. Someone who’s actually lost a job or a home or whatever because of it will speak passionately about the recession because it’s not something they saw on television. It’s something that actually HAS happened to them and *IS* HAPPENING to them right now. I have complete sympathy for that situation, and I hope we get it together ASAP so people can return to prosperity, but without news programs and the internet, I wouldn’t personally be aware that anything’s wrong with the economy at all.

Women

I wanted to make the Food and Business points to illustrate that just because millions of people are living (or not-living) without food and millions of people are personally feeling the effects of the current recession, that doesn’t mean that EVERYONE’S experiencing those same things in their personal version of reality.

A friend of mine recently wrote “The truth does not matter. The only thing that matters is perception.” I’m sorry that she realized that because of a negative situation, but it’s entirely accurate. There is no ABSOLUTE. Even when millions of people agree on something, that doesn’t rule out anomalies. Two people can look at the exact same thing and “see” entirely different things.

One thing that millions of people agree about is that each guy deserves ONE girl, and vice versa. This makes sense for a lot of structural reasons, such as proving paternity. It’s really best that you’re in a simultaneously-monogamous relationship if you want to be sure that your kids are YOUR kids. I say “simultaneously” because there are lots of people that are in monogamous relationships with people that aren’t being monogamous with THEM. O_o

One Guy, One Girl (OGOG? haha) DOESN’T make any sense when women are attracted to you quickly and often. It’s even worse when you get used to that from an early age. I wouldn’t even call that feelings of “entitlement”, because it’s just the luck of the draw. It’s just the way life is. It’s like with money.. Some kids grow up rich and some kids grow up poor. The rich kids aren’t “entitled” to being rich, they’re just USED TO IT.. Being Rich is regular life to them and being poor is something they understand but can’t personally feel.

A homeboy of mine called me the other day and told me about how he met this chick and had sex with her within a few hours of the first time he ever saw her in life. I laughed along with the story and enjoyed the play-by-play, but I wasn’t like “THAT’S AMAZING!!! :O .. HOW DID YOU PULL *THAT* OFF??? :O” because it’s not amazing. It’s regular. No pun intended, but “it’s par for the course”! HAHAHA :D

It’s not SUPPOSED to take us a long time to hook up with chicks. We’re not SUPPOSED to have to date them and promise them stuff for them to want to spend time with us. It’s very simple. She’s interested in someone.. Whomever she’s interested in likes her too. Done deal.

Once again, this isn’t an issue of arrogance or even entitlement. It’s just an honest expression of the facts of lives that are similar to “Jersey Shore”, except we don’t go on vacation to meet chicks… It’s a daily operation.

Girlfriends & Wives

A couple of years ago, a friend asked me something about a girlfriend and I replied “I’m not authorized to have a girlfriend”. He laughed and asked “Authorized by whom?”, to which I said “Me!” :D

To tell a gal that you’re her boyfriend indicates that you’re willing to follow a set of rules that the two of you agree to. You should only agree to accepting rules if you intend to follow HER rules for YOUR life, which I do not.

Therefore, it’s disingenuous to lead someone on and Act As If they have some kind of control over your life when you know damned well that you’re going to do whatever you want whenever you want, and if she doesn’t like it, that’s too bad for her.

This is the main area where my personal way of being diverges from Mr Woods’ (Tiger, not Eric). Back in the day, when the reports started floating around the internet that he was going to get married, I said to everyone that brought it up “What For? \o/”.

I couldn’t understand why a guy that has everything going for him wanted to get married. Yeah, his girl was hawt.. we all saw the pictures, but dude was/is a young, famous, rich sports star, so hawt chicks are going to make themselves available to him everywhere he goes. Golf is an international sport, so he’s going to have his pick of women world-wide. The selection in NYC is GOOD ENOUGH.. I can’t imagine ACTUAL Italian chicks instead of Italian-Americans from Queens.. It’s like “Are you MAD?.. What’s the matter with you, getting married?”

Come to find out, five years later, Tiger had his cake and ate it too. Instead of going the route that *I* would have suggested and staying single until he actually FELT like being with just one chick, he went the Family route and the Playboy route at the same time.

In explaining this, he said he felt ENTITLED to the chicks he hooked up with, because he worked hard to be successful. He’s absolutely right about that. He *IS* entitled to all the chicks that are attracted to him as well as all the chicks he can afford. The only problem is that he swore on a stack of bibles that he wasn’t going to hook up with anyone but his wife after 2004 AD. What he was “entitled” to do after that was keep his word and not mess around behind her back.

On a lower level, the same thing applies to girlfriends. You’re promising them something and your word’s supposed to be valuable. If you can’t or won’t yield to personal restrictions on your way of being, stay single, do what you do and get in where you fit in.

To put that another way.. When the concept of being in an exclusive relationship means NOTHING to you and SOMETHING to the other person, the noble and “right” thing to do, as I see it, is to NOT tell them you’re on the same page with them when you know that you aren’t. Unfortunately, a guy would have to have superior confidence in his game to roll like that. Most guys aren’t willing to risk the loss, so they lie to the chick about what’s really going on and ride it out until they get caught.

Apologies & Solutions

I already said that I didn’t feel that Tiger Woods’ “apology” was genuine. To expand on that idea, how genuine can an apology be when you’re trying to explain your actual life away?

“I’m sorry I can go to a restaurant in the middle of the night and get cooked food”
“I’m sorry that I’m not adversely affected by the recession”
“I’m sorry that chicks like me and throw sex at me”
“I’m sorry that I live in New York City”
“I’m sorry that I meet new girls every single week of my life”

How are you supposed to make statements like that sound sincere? :D

Those are things people WANT you to feel sorry about because their lives don’t match up to your life. Those are things that people WANT you to feel odd about because millions of people don’t experience life the same way you do.

If I were in Africa (or Flint, Michigan) they would call me a Food Addict. What’s the matter with this guy? It’s 3 am and he’s asking us if we have a menu from a place that’s open right now and will deliver Philly Steak & Cheese sandwiches. :/

If people look at my photo sets between 2007 and 2010, they’ll say “That guy’s an alcoholic! :O” because I usually have a drink in my hand because I’m usually partying because that’s “how we do” in NYC.

If people look at Tiger Woods, they’ll say “That guy’s a sex addict” because he hooked up with 14 chicks in 5 years. *yawn* The conventional wisdom behind that is that people are ASSUMING that he ever intended to only have sex with his wife for the rest of his life and he “wasn’t able” to maintain that. Something MUST be wrong with him, right? He’s trying as hard as he can not to hook up with chicks that throw sex at him, but somehow, he just FAILS left and right and they’re going to fix him in sex rehab, right?

Wrong.

There’s nothing to fix. Tiger Woods is DIFFERENT. FROM. YOU. He is NOT. SIMILAR. TO. YOU. He has more opportunity than you. He knows what he’s doing and he’s been doing it. As far as you’re concerned, he’s a “strange” person acting regularly, but he needs to convince you that he’s a “regular” person acting strangely.

What actually needs to happen is Tiger needs to be taught how to throw away the life that he CAN live and HAS BEEN LIVING and exchange it for the life he opted into by getting married. Is there an actual reason why he shouldn’t hook up with whomever he likes whenever he likes? Nope. Had he not gotten married, he’d be a playboy like Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Charlie Sheen and like a million other dudes that do whatever they want when it comes to chicks.

Since he DID get married, and he’s not willing to give up the chick, kids & cash, he’s going to have to learn how to play that role. He’s going to have to learn how to live a lesser life than he could personally achieve on the strength of his success, wealth & fame. It’s like having a million dollars but having agreed to live in a log cabin. You can AFFORD a mansion, but you already agreed not to live in it.

THAT’S the issue.. *NOT* Sexual Addiction, but living an entirely different lifestyle that’s been deemed deviant since the masses can’t live that way and don’t want to believe it’s normal life for some people.

Unfortunately, that exact same society won’t allow a guy to stand at a podium and say “I get more girls than you. I get better girls than you. I could have YOUR girl if I wanted her. I’m richer than you. I own more property than you. I’m a superstar. I’m a sports hero. I’m Living The American Dream!” and still consider him a role model, so you cop a plea. “I’m just like you. I value the concept of marriage. I’m religious. I have no idea why I screwed all those waitresses, but these doctors that have probably pulled five chicks in their entire lives are going to fix me. I’m very sorry… Not because I got caught, but because….. okay.. because I got caught. I realize that I could have checked myself into sex rehab in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 or 2009, except my wife hadn’t found out yet, so **** that. Trust & Believe that I’m going to channel my newfound sexual frustration into kicking all of y’all’s asses on the PGA Tour in 2011. Thank You and Good Night.”

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• It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)
• Fear of Commitment
• How To Cheat… Properly!
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