How to treat the ‘birds’

Young brother Rob has joined us from Newcastle, UK. I’m not sure how close that is to Nottingham Forest, but the same rules apply for you that applied for Robin Hood’s Merry Men!

….. shows how much I know about the UK :/ …..

The birds really enjoy….. um… do y’all still call them ‘birds’? I get all my information about England from James Bond movies and VH1 specials about the Beatles….. the Beatles….. :/ You know, the guys that look like Oasis….. um… anyway…….

The birds really enjoy being treated with courtesy. All that stuff that Robin Hood and them used to do…. Oh, do y’all still have groups of “Merry Men” roaming around in your woods? We have these people called “Guardian Angels” that roam around together and wear the same clothes and make things safe in neighborhoods. Er… same clothes meaning “same as each other”, not “same as they had on yesterday”… but that wouldn’t make them DIFFERENT from “Merry Men” anyway, would it? 😀 I mean how much different gear have you seen Friar Tuck in? I’m pretty sure he only owned that one brown outfit… so it’s fortunate that he didn’t need to pick up any birds because birds enjoy “difference” in a bloke’s clothing selection. They also enjoy colors and sparkly things, but that’s a different topic. 😀

Anyway, Guv’nuh, courtesy goes a long way with the birds, right? So @ 4:00, when you’re sharing a spot of tea with a young lady you like, make sure to hand her HER tea FIRST, and wait for her to start sipping before starting yours. Don’t “DOG IT” like it’s the only drink you’ve had in hours… well… even if it IS the only drink you’ve had in hours :/ … SIP IT like you’re civilized. When you’re going somewhere, hold the door open for her. At the fast food establishment… what do y’all have over there? Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips? Well, let her order her Fish & Chips first and then let her hold her tray up while you work the tartar-sauce-machine for her. 😀

Now… don’t get carried away with courtesy. 🙁 Sometimes they just go completely overboard in these movies… I don’t know who they let WRITE these things sometimes! :/ It’s like they let people that have never been on a date before… write scenes about people going on dates! 😀 If you’re walking with a bird and you see a puddle of mud, DO NOT take off your new Jimi Hendrix denim jacket and put it down so she can walk over it!!! TELL.HER.TO.WALK.A-ROUNDDDDDDD!!! :/

Jolly good show, wot? There you go then, laddie! Stiff upper lip! 😀

DatingGenius

She’s Right!!!

Yes sir, fellas…. your girlfriend/wife/whatever is right. She’s correct. No doubt…

……

…….. :/

….. “She’s right about WHAT?” you ask? …..

EVERYTHING!!! 😀

That’s right! The key to YOUR happiness is that your girlfriend IS RIGHT! “She’s right” makes her feel good and then she makes YOU feel good, dig? 😀 If she’s WRONG… then she feels BAD and then she makes YOU FEEL BAD!!! 🙁

So… If you’re driving to the mall, and you know full well that you need to make a left, 🙂 and she tells you to make a right… what are you going to do???

That’s right! You’re going to make a right! 😀 And you’re going to drive and drive and drive until you arrive @ the mall purely by luck or until she admits ON HER OWN that she doesn’t know where in the world you are right now and “lets” you figure out how to get where you’re going. Yes. That’s the ticket! 🙂 Even if the mall’s one block away and obscured by trees… do NOT go “Nah, you’re buggin’. The mall’s to the left right behind those trees. See that water tower?”. Nope. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it! 😀

If you do that, yes, you arrive at the mall approximately one hour earlier than you would have if you follow her incorrect directions. You also save gas money! 😀 However, that hour’s a waste of your time (or worse), because now she’s upset. 🙁

The moral of the story is that it’s better to drive needlessly in circles with a happy girlfriend than to hang out at the mall with an unhappy girlfriend.

Oh…. If you’d like to avoid both her getting upset AND driving in circles, do this:

When she says for you to make a right, drive up to the intersection and SUDDENLY WHIP A LEFT!!! Immediately act like nothing’s out of the ordinary. This makes her think that YOU made a mistake. When she says “I said ‘right’, not ‘left’! :/” point to your right and say “oh… THAT right?” and pretend to be lost and trying to get back to where she suggested you go until you “accidentally” end up @ the mall.

The moral of the story is that it’s better for your girlfriend to be happy, believing that YOU’RE an idiot… than it is for her to be upset that you pointed out that she doesn’t know how to get to the mall. 😀

Take one for the team!!! 😀

girlfriend+happy > girlfriend+upset

DatingGenius

Why Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

A reader sent in a question regarding guys getting money from girls for sex in the same way that girls get money from guys for sex……

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The thing about being a ho… male or female… is that you have to understand what you’re going to get and what you’re not going to get. You can get people to spend their time with you and spend their money on you, but you’re not going to be respected AT.ALL.

People that are for sale are worth the amount of money that they’re selling for. Not only that… They’re not selling anything different from the next ho, so there’s no loyalty involved or care or love or anything like that. If hoes are in it for the business, then fine, it works for them. If they’re in it thinking they’re having real relationships, they’re going to be in for a rude awakening when they get replaced by a better or cheaper ho. 🙂

Having said that…

In order for a male ho (called a gigolo) to match the abilities of a female ho (called a ho), you’d have to associate with women on the monetary level of the men that the hoes are dealing with. You can’t “get pizaid” off of a chick that’s working fries in the fast food establishment. It doesn’t work the same way with girls that it does with guys. A GUY could work fries ’till payday, cash his check and blow his entire savings on one night with a girl then eat cereal with water for the next two weeks, with beans for dinner. :/ Girls have things to do with their money… such as SHOP and EAT. A guy can only count on getting A PERCENTAGE of a girl’s money, while the girl can count on getting ALL of a guy’s money. 😀 Therefore, you have to associate with VERY well-off women if you want to score the perks that females score off of even minimum-wage-earning male ‘tricks’ (guys that pay for sex).

In general, it’s very tough for guys to get paid for having sex with girls. This is why you see so many brothels containing women for sale to men, and you don’t see ANY brothels containing men for sale to women. NONE! I think they tried it a couple of times in Amsterdam or something, but they went bankrupt. 😀

The other problem is that women are actually into personalities, while men are into bodies. You’ll notice that men have Playboy Magazine and women have Harlequin Romances. You can’t REALLY be a player without having MANY skills to bring to the table. If you’re attractive and stupid, you can’t win. If you’re unattractive and smart, you can’t win! 😀 Meanwhile, the girls just have to look good, and they’ll have guys falling all over themselves to take them out and buy them stuff in the hopes of getting on.

What should you have done differently? ….. Hang out @ the country club instead of the mall. 😀

DatingGenius

What if I don’t have a significant other?

Jackson writes:

Hi, my name is Jackson, and I’m no good with the ladies. Tell me, Bill, how can I become a casanova in just a few simple steps?

Hello Jackson… Nice to meet you. 🙂 I’m glad you asked….. Let me see…….

Casanova in just a few simple steps….

Well… step one, we go all the way back to the basics. Women like colorful things… and shiny things, too. 😀 This is why every time you see a movie about pimps, they have on purple and orange at the same time. You take care of the “shiny” requirement with large gold chains a la “Huggy Bear”. Make sure to wash your gold chain frequently… toothpaste really brings out the lustre, BTW! 😀

So… everybody thinks pimps are pimps because of their gift of gab… not true at all! 😀 Pimps are pimps because the ladies see their colorful clothing and shiny jewelry and shoes and they just can’t resist coming over to the pimp and starting a conversation.

I notice from your avatar that you like hats. Hats are a great accessory, however, yours is a little too “regular”… :/ Invest in a sombrero and you’ll be aiiiite! Just make sure that your sombrero doesn’t clash with the rest of your outfit….. um… unless the sombrero matches your chains, of course! 😀

DatingGenius

Ladies, There’s Nothing Wrong With Aggressiveness!!!

Reader “Justice” writes:

Ladies I have to be completely honest with you. I’m sure some of you understand and know what I’m about to say. But, I’m going to put it out there anyway.

I know a lot of you still think that you are somewhat old fashion. But come on! In this day and age how many of you are really old fashion? OK, do you know what I’m getting at yet? Alright, here is my point.

Last night I was at a bar with some friends just having a good time and chilling at our table. I was admiring and checking out the woman and yes, believe it or not, there were a decent amount of good looking women in this place. I will be going back there! But back to the discussion. While I was sitting there having a good time with my friends a pretty young lady comes up to our table and just starts up a convo and asks me to dance. I gladly accepted. We danced and had fun and that was it. No dirty dancing or talking shit to each other. She said she loved to dance and I told her if she wanted to dance again she knew where I was sitting. Well about 15 minutes later she came back for another dance. We danced two songs and then she went back to her friends and I went back to mine. We didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. At the end of the night as I made my last pit stop I stopped to say goodbye and that it was nice to meet her. She proceeded to ask if I came here much and would I be coming back. I told her it was my first time there but I think I will come back. She told me, point blank, that she liked to dance and would love to go out dancing with me sometime. I said that would be great and she said, “Here, let me give you my number.” I took her number and we took a picture together, set up a date for next week and said our goodbyes. All in all a very good night.

Now, let me stress the point here that this was not some slutty, ugly, crazy ass girl. She was very pretty, well dressed, well spoken and very sweet. OK, Ladies do you know what I am about to say?

The actions that this girl took last night made my week!!!! She knew what she wanted and took the initiative to make it known. I didn’t ask her for her number, ask her to go out, approach her or anything like that. There were no games! I HATE GAMES!!!!! Ladies, it is ok to be agressive sometimes. Don’t make us guys have to make that move all the time. You know why? Because in those kinds of games you could be losing out on something very good! In my case, I am a shy man. Don’t get me wrong, once the initial contact is made and the convo gets started I’m fine. My weakness is that I am shy about approaching and starting that convo with a lady that catches my eye. Unfortunately, some woman say that I seem kind of unapproachable at times. I don’t understand that because I’m about the friendliest person you will ever meet. But, my shyness does inhibit me a little.

Look, I don’t know where this chance meeting from last night will go. But, I can tell you that I have the utmost respect for this woman for making that move. So, ladies, drop the act that you are too good to make that move. If you like a guy and you want to meet him… don’t stand there and act like you are too good to strike up a conversation. If you do you may miss out on a really good guy. Here is a hint for you. You may like bad boys, but you will almost always regret getting involved with one. Most of the good guys are too shy to just walk up to you and start talking shit. In my case I’m a good guy but I can also be a very bad boy once you break me out of that shell.

So once again I say be aggressive and take a chance ladies! Chances are you won’t regret it!