Bill Cammack » dinner

Responsibilities in Relationships

Bill Cammack — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 01:37:19 +0000

Single Life

Just two days ago, I was out to brunch with a friend and somehow, the topic of video games came up. I think I was explaining to her what I felt the value was of being yourself from the giddyap instead of doing what other people wanted you to do so they’d be willing to hang out with you.

I told her something to the effect of a chick would be a fool to give me an ultimatum to choose between spending time with her and playing video games because without a split second’s hesitation, I’d be like “Don’t let the door hit’cha… Where the Good Lord SPLIT’CHA!!!” :D

I can afford that though, because I’m single and I don’t have any kids. If a chick doesn’t fit in with my style, she can vamoose and make space for the next gal who’s already on deck, waiting to step into the batter’s box.

So just now, reader “Kim” brought up the scenario of a guy having kids with a gal and still spending all day playing video games with his homeboys instead of spending time with the kids, doing chores, whatever.

Being that that’s a foreign situation to me, I have a hard time properly processing it. I know how it feels to play video games all day and not pay attention to SOME OTHER CHICK’S KID(S)! :D hahaha but I can’t really grasp anything other than MAAAAAYBE handing the kids controllers so they could make themselves useful in the game I’m playing. >:D

The reason I wanted to bring this up is that I think this is a very important issue that couples don’t often discuss before they ~~accidentally~~ have kids.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It’s actually been funny to me, throughout the years, watching women get exasperated and frustrated because their boyfriends/husbands have ZERO to do with the kid’s maintenance. It’s funny because I know that in whatever brief fantasies I’ve had about having kids, I never imagined changing one or feeding one or really doing ANYTHING with them other than playing sports and reading to them from books, handing them video game controllers… you know.. FUN stuff! :D

Unfortunately for women, they feel like a guy’s going to automatically give a flying **** about child maintenance just because he’s the one that got her pregnant. It doesn’t work like that. They don’t give us baby dolls and carriages and ovens to play with when we’re kids. That’s “girl stuff”. They give us footballs and baseball equipment and send us for drum lessons. Changing a kid never crosses our minds because there’s no reason for it to. In order to have a kid, it’s got to come with a female, who just so happens to have been reared to take care of the kids since *SHE* was a kid. It’s like kids come with automatic nannies, off the bat.

This is why women are surprised and complain so much that they’re the ones that always get stuck changing and feeding the kid(s). They don’t get that THEY’RE the ones that go through hormonal changes during child-bearing, not US. :) We’re the exact same dudes that we were before… which brings up another issue…

Get a clue, ladies… If a dude doesn’t like to clean up after himself BEFORE you move in with him, what makes you think he’s going to want to start doing it AFTER you move in with him? O_o In fact, it’ll probably get WORSE now that he has YOU to clean up after him because that’s part of the reason he selected you as his girlfriend/wife in the first place.

Once again, no hormonal change occurs in guys when they move in with a gal that makes them different people than when y’all used to live apart from each other. If you want a guy to clean things when you live together… wait for it….. Date A Guy That Cleans Up After Himself From The Giddyap! :D

Same thing with taking out the garbage. Same thing with visiting your relatives on the weekend instead of staying home and watching the game. Same thing with going to Happy Hour after work with his co-workers. Same thing with him driving his Corvette when you think he should trade it in for a van so he can chauffeur your new family all over creation.

The Talk

I wonder how many couples have these conversations ahead of time?.. I know a bunch of them have the convo AFTER THE FACT! :D

I know I’ve never had a conversation where I would have claimed to take responsibility for ANYTHING, as you can guess, being that I won’t even let a chick interrupt my “ME Time”. I can only imagine that it’s stressful for both sides, unless the guy had been looking forward to feeding and changing kids beforehand.

If you have any comments on this topic (whether you have kids or not), please leave them below so we can all benefit from your wisdom. :D

Ladies, do you expect your boyfriends/husbands to automatically share, say 40% to 50% of the child-maintenance duties with you if/when you have kids?

Guys, is this something that ever crosses your mind, or do you just figure the female’s going to deal with it and call you when dinner’s ready? :D

Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date?

Bill Cammack — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:30:42 +0000

Listen / Download => Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date? [21:01]

Bill & Frank’s audio podcast derived from the DatingGenius dating advice blog.

More Episodes: http://billcammack.com/category/datinggenius/streetgame/

Rob on Greek Dessert

Bill Cammack — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:01:34 +0000

Rob, Leslie, Brandon, Chris, Jill & Bill enjoy some Greek Dessert….. or not. :/

Formats available: iPhone / gPhone Video (.mp4)

Community vs. Territory

Bill Cammack — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:03:05 +0000

I watched a video just now by Laura “Pistachio” Fitton that clarified for me a distinction I wanted to make, but that previously wasn’t coming together properly for me.

“sxsw seesmic junkies dinner” [permalink]
Now, that was a table FILLED with people that I’m either in direct contact with or follow on social sites: Laura Fitton, Jane Quigley, Jim Long, Phil Campbell, Steve Garfield, Christian Payne (“Documentally”), Patty Hartwell, Shannon Newton, Cathy Brooks…

Around 4 minutes 30 seconds, Cathy mentions “community”. By the smiles on the participants’ faces and the fellowship, you can tell that they are all part of a community. What made this post finally possible for me is that while they became a community because of Seesmic, they weren’t interacting via Seesmic. They were IRL, having dinner together, chatting and having a good time. Somehow, what I wanted to talk about clicked after Cathy’s speech and seeing ‘community’ exist in a totally different environment.

There’s a difference between Community and Territory.

The word ‘community’ is often used to indicate ‘territory’… Like they might have a housing project named “Chicago Community”. In fact, those houses are territory. What makes them a community is how people interact with each other WITHIN that territory. You can live near someone and have NOTHING to do with them, not even to say hello as you pass in the street. You can live far from someone and talk to them every day and spend a lot of time with them, virtually on the net or by other means.

Having this feeling of community can easily give one the feeling of dominion over a territory. This is a false feeling, with no standing or merit… UNLESS members of said community are ACTUALLY owners of the territory, appointed agents of those owners, or members of the community that are willing to stand up and accept leadership of that group, lay down laws and enforce them. When there’s nobody in charge, there ARE no rules definable by the community. There are rules definable by THE OWNERS OF THE TERRITORY, which must be followed by all inhabitants of the territory, whether they’re a part of the community or not.

Thus, as popular as *A* community might be, without authority, anything they say regarding the territory is a SUGGESTION, not a MANDATE. It carries ZERO weight, except amongst the people of THAT particular community who are willing to follow the lead of whomever stood up and decided to make a rule… such as “How people SHOULD use this site” “What’s good etiquette on this site” “What new people need to know about this site” “How long posts should be on this site” “How you have to act after you post to this site”…. etc etc etc. It’s all hogwash and trivial banter to anyone that doesn’t subscribe to the community in which this so-called leader has chosen to lay down some laws.

Now… You ask “But, what if there’s only ONE community? Doesn’t that mean community=territory?”

No. :D

Even if there’s only one group of people in a territory that calls themselves a community, or in some cases, THE community (like THE HIP HOP VIOLINIST :/), without connection to or authority from the owners of the territory, they have ZERO say in what happens to that territory. Do they have say over their community? Absolutely. Community exists in the ‘heart’ and mind. Inside or outside of the territory, the community thrives as long as there are still people that believe in that community. Dominion over one’s community FEELS LIKE dominion over the territory that community’s sitting on when there’s nobody else there. :D

When nobody else has access to become a member of the territory, there’s no turnover. It’s like having the air conditioning circulate air inside your house without bringing in fresh air from the outside. It’s cold, and it feels good, but it’s only representative of a tiny subset of the actual air available inside your house and outside. As soon as others are given access to the territory, strictly by definition, “the” community will shrink drastically in the percentage of the territory in which it can hold court.

As soon as you double the number of currently active participants, assuming that “the” community doesn’t welcome and absorb these new people “into the fold” and assuming everyone contributes an equal amount of posts, the visibility of “the” community is AT LEAST split in half, and they now occupy 50% of the territory. So now, there are at least TWO communities, even if they’re “the originals” and “the newjacks”. Even if the new territory members don’t form a formal community, they’re meeting each other and making connections and having conversations and adding each other to their friends lists and following and replying to their contacts’ posts. Depending on frequency of posting and replying to popular newjack threads, looking at the front page of a site, the presence of the original community (which, of course, was dominion by default, being that nobody else was there) won’t be seen as any stronger or relevant than the new territory members. As a matter of fact, “the originals” will be completely indistinguishable from “the newjacks”. This is only when you merely DOUBLE the number of active participants…..

The ‘solution’ to this is to enjoy COMMUNITY without feeling ENTITLEMENT. If you have constructive comments for people joining the territory that your community has occupied by default up until now, that’s great! :D If you have rules and laws and crabby things to say, “Save it for David”. What you have to say is meaningless without authority. The laws will be handed down by the owners & appointed rulers. In most cases, those are found in the ToS (Terms of Service). There’s no point in trying to defend a territory that you never owned in the first place. There’s no point in trying to maintain “market share” when eventually, ten times the number of people in your community will be “outsiders” occupying the same territory.

What you DO HAVE is YOUR COMMUNITY. You have your friends that you’ve made and socialized with and had good times with. You have the relationships you’ve fostered and the feeling of goodwill that flows between your community members. Nurture that and Enjoy It. :D

E.M.S. Episode 04: Eating Out

Bill Cammack — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 14:34:06 +0000

November 22, 2006 – The fellas head downtown for some food, entertainment & scenery!

Bill Cammack » dinner

Responsibilities in Relationships

Single Life

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

The Talk

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Community vs. Territory

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