Three Fingers in a Dyke

The legend of the brave Dutch boy – by others thought to be named Hans Brinker – who supposedly put his finger in the dyke to prevent a flood, was actually a literary invention by the American writer Mary Elizabeth Mapes Dodge (1831-1905), who was born in New York.”

I’ve been thinking about this story lately, because it’s all well and good if you can save the town by placing one finger in a dyke. Depending on which finger you use, you can still do a lot of stuff while you wait for help to arrive. You can play guitar. You can text someone on your g1. You can hold a knife and fork and eat dinner if someone brings you the food…..

Bill & Sandra

However, things become more of a problem FOR YOU if you have to put TWO fingers in the dyke to stop the flood. It gets obviously worse if you have to put THREE fingers in the dyke, because now, you effectively only have one hand left to do what YOU have to do until help arrives to properly plug the holes and you can go about your business.
This is what happens to you when people JACK THEMSELVES UP and then ask YOU to get them out of it. People just LOVE to paint themselves into corners that they can’t possibly get out of on their own and then beg someone else to solve their incredible problem for them. On top of that, they still want to haggle with you as if YOU’RE the one with the problem and not THEM. They explain the issue to you, you inform them of what you CAN do and how long it’s going to take you and then they want to know how cheaply you can do it for them.
How about if it costs you ZERO and you DO. IT. YOURSELF? How about that? Meanwhile, I’ll have a brew, eat some pizza and kick it with some chicks and enjoy my time while you’re busy FAILING. Oh… That doesn’t sound good to you? That means we’re talking about regular rates PLUS “rush” rates. It’s a fascinating combination of amusing & annoying when people are in dire straits (the predicament, not the band) and they want to haggle over the price of a seat in the lifeboat while the Titanic’s sinking. My ship isn’t sinking. Yours is. Hope you can swim! *waves goodbye* Continue reading “Three Fingers in a Dyke”

Male Birth Control Pills!!!

Oh, Thank GOD for the future!!!!!! πŸ˜€

It’s about to be ON and POPPIN!!! πŸ˜€

According to MSNBC’s Article, a male birth control pill may be right around the corner! πŸ˜€ BOO-YAH! πŸ˜€

Why is this a big deal? Because we all know that regardless of death and destruction, people STILL, to this day, in 2008 AD, don’t like to use condoms. I’m not just talking about the fellaz… It’s the chicks too. That’s a whole post by itself, but basically… By the time a chick’s throwin’ it at you, she thinks you’re special. This is because they like to add all this extra relationship stuff on top of the sex. So, while all YOU were thinking is “She’s hawt… She could get it”, she’s put a lot more thought into it, including feeling like you’re “clean” and that she wouldn’t mind having kids with you. This isn’t necessarily right off the bat, but if you tap it proppah one time for the people, be on the lookout for the relaxation of the condom requirements.


More importantly, condoms are “only” something like 97% effective. I know that seems like a high percentage, but you have to consider that number realistically, and not statistically. It’s not that every time you put on a condom, there’s only a 3% chance that it’s not going to hook you up. It’s that out of 100 times, 3 DUDES are DEFINITELY going to catch a bad one! πŸ˜€ The obvious problem with that is that if you have a steady chick and you hit it only once a week (?????) you TTL is 2 years, if you’re lucky. Basically, hit it 100 times, and you have 3 chances to end up with a kid.

This is because the numbers aren’t based on the failure of the material… It’s based on HUMAN ERROR. I figure the main error is not putting it on properly in the first place, so that you find out it rolled off during the act, hahahahaha = baby. The second error is not leaving space at the top. This means that all the way up until “the end”, the condom’s perfectly intact. When you do your thing, however, too much pressure is built up, and it breaks right where you need it NOT to break! hahahahaha = baby. So it’s not that out of every 100 condoms you buy, that three of them don’t work. It’s that in every 100 applications, there’s the prospect of incorrect application, et voila. πŸ˜€

So anyway… This ultimately traumatic situation is about to be a thing of the past! πŸ˜€ With a male birth control pill, the intelligent guy will FINALLY be in control of his destiny! πŸ˜€

We’re about to experience many conversations like this:

Her: I think I’m pregnant
Him: I think you’re…….. NOT! πŸ˜€
Her: Remember a couple of weeks ago, when we XYZ?
Him: Barely… So what?
Her: I felt myself get pregnant
Him: Oh yeah? :/
Her: Yeah, so I took this test, and it’s positive. I’m pregnant.
Him: ……
Her: So I was thinking we should get married, and
Him: *PSYCH*!!! πŸ˜€
Her: …
Him: I’ve been taking THESE! πŸ˜€ [producing male birth control pills]
Her: …
Him: Uh huh. So… You’d Betta Ca-Hall TyRone!!! (Call Him!)
Her: …
Him: Say… I know a producer on “Maury”. I could get you on next month.

Ahhhhhhhh, YES! πŸ˜€ FREEDOM!!! πŸ˜€

Not that I give a damn how it works, IF it works, but if YOU want to read up on it, check out

There are lots of guys that have already dealt with this issue by getting vasectomies. I think a pill is a much better idea, as long as the effects aren’t neutralized by the consumption of vast amounts of alcohol. As long as you remember to take it, you’re cool. However, if you happen to meet a genetically superior chick that you actually want to have kids with, you can stop taking it and I assume your production returns to normal, eventually, hahaha.

This will be great for those guys that get into situations where they’re living with a chick or married to her or whatever, and according to her, there’s no reason for him to still be using condoms. The way she sees it, since they’re in a committed relationship, they don’t need it. This is especially true if she’s on the pill. However, there are chicks that forget to take the pill and chicks that “forget” to take the pill, so this is STILL a traumatic experience for the thinking man that isn’t interested in “starting a family” yet (or ever)(or with this particular chick)(or that already has enough kids for his liking)(or thinks this chick is crazy, so he’s not trying to have any genetically-crazy kids).

Yes, Yes! πŸ˜€ If they’re smart, the male birth control pill will cost a gazillion dollars, because it’ll be worth it for the peace of mind that it brings. πŸ™‚ A friend of mine, literally, EVERY SINGLE MONTH would tell me he was ‘afraid’ that his chick was pregnant. EVERY Month! πŸ˜€ The problem with this is that, basically, chicks can get pregnant on the opposite side of the month from when they miss their periods. So if you THINK you got her pregnant, either you’re a fool and you don’t have your girl’s period timed… or you know you spilled right around ovulation and you have a good 15 days to sweat about potentially being BROKE for the next 18 years.

So, the smart guy will avoid this when male birth control finally arrives on the shelves. It’s a brand new day, gentlemen! Thank God for technology! πŸ˜€