So, I read this update by this chick, right?.. Saying that some dude did her wrong, right? :D

Of course, being a logical human being, I think that means she learned her lesson, so I put in my real, honest two cents about the situation and wake up to find out that she’s unfriended me or blocked me or whatever.

Not only that, but the comment I had left in her thread was deleted.

This is why nobody tells you the truth.

You can’t handle the truth.

You don’t want to hear the truth.

You get mad at people that tell you the truth, instead of rewarding them for honesty and their attempts to keep your life centered in reality rather than fantasy.

This is why people lie to you, get what they want, and bounce.

Extracting people who are willing to be REAL with you only leaves FAKE people in your life.

Does that make sense? >:D

You’re not hurting the person you blocked. You’re hurting yourself. You’re leaving yourself surrounded by a crowd of enablers, affirmation-chirpers, and bullshit artists that are willing to tell you anything you want to hear in order to remain in your good graces.

Keep listening to them without balanced input from opposing viewpoints and you’re going to need the coddling, affirmations and commiseration again in the very near future, because you’re not feeding your mind with what you need to improve yourself as a human being and prevent history from repeating itself.

If you say “Damn.. I can’t hit a 93 mph fastball”, and I say “That’s right. You can’t”, don’t get mad at The Kid! :D

The fact that I spoke to you AT ALL means I’m trying to help you. If I didn’t care, I’d let you stay stupid and keep falling in the same traps.
–
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I got to spend some time with some CLOSE friends the other night. It was a very grounding experience for me. I’d like to talk about something very simple.

Calling something a particular thing doesn’t make that thing what you called it.

Not calling something anything doesn’t make it less than what it actually is.

For instance.. If you know you’re loved by someone that you don’t call your girlfriend, fiancee or wife, that doesn’t diminish the amount of love she feels for you or expresses to you. It’s the actuality of your relationship that counts, not the title.

At the same time, giving someone a title doesn’t dictate that they’re going to love you or even like you.

I wanted to make that clear because a lot of people wonder “How could he have…?” or “How could she have…?” when something goes wrong in their so-called relationships.

What I really should have said a long time ago is that for us to properly discuss your situation, you have to understand that I don’t believe you’re in a relationship at all.

I understand that you and someone else SAID you were together and that that’s what you tell people when they ask you, but from what I’m hearing or reading about how you’re being treated, you’re not describing someone who loves you, likes you or even cares about you.

If a guy calls a chick his girlfriend and she’s giving it up left and right to other guys, what’s that title really worth? All it means is “I’m one of the guys that gets to have sex with her”… So What? \o/

If a gal calls a guy her husband and he’s beating her ass and doing all kinds of despicable things to her, what is that title really worth? That sounds more like “Sleeping With The Enemy” to me than anything else.

So that’s the understanding we need to come to.. Just because you say you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean I believe you.

So when a gal asks how your boyfriend could have gone to the strip club and hooked up with that dancer, my answer is “He felt like it”, which makes perfect sense to me because he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing, which is exactly what he FEELS LIKE DOING. His so-called “relationship” to you only remains as long as it’s convenient. If you find out that he’s been messing with other chicks and you mention that to him, it might be *YOU* that gets ejected and not the so-called “hoes” that are messing with “YOUR” man.

Similarly, when a guy asks how his girlfriend could just up and leave him because some other guy dangled some money or something else in her face, my answer is “She felt like it”, and you have to recognize that she was only dating you as a means to an end. You represented stability or money or whatever else she was getting from you and when she saw the opportunity to get even more of that from the next man, she bounced. C’est La Vie. \o/

Meanwhile.. You would be a fool not to recognize and appreciate the people that really ARE down for you, ESPECIALLY when you didn’t give them titles. This applies across the board, in business, dating, whatever. Reliable is Reliable. In fact, the person that’s reliable for no reason other than THEY FEEL LIKE being reliable for you is worth more than the person who’s doing for you because they currently have a title. Watch how useless that person becomes to you as soon as y’all break up…..
–
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One of the reasons why Political Correctness (PC) doesn’t work is that it doesn’t stop anybody from thinking what they’re thinking. It only stops people from SAYING what they’re thinking.

This leads to a lot of fake people trying to conceal what they’re thinking, except it’s revealed in their actions when they refuse to utter the actual words, so they’re not getting over anyway.

Judgement

Somewhere along the line, somebody made it taboo to “Judge” people…. ARE YOU CRAZY??? o_O .. That’s all we do, all day, every day, is judge people.

Whenever you suspect that someone might do something, you’re making a judgement. Whenever you suspect that someone might NOT do something, you’re making a judgement. Whenever you don’t like someone’s hairstyle, that’s a judgement. Whenever you think someone lied, that’s a judgement…. All day. Every day.

So it’s come to the point that people are so damned SCARED for other people to JUDGE THEM for JUDGING SOMEONE ELSE that they just STFU and try not to say anything at all, as if that makes them look good instead of looking like a ***** that refuses to take a stand on that particular issue.

I use television shows a lot for my examples because they’re readily available for whomever reads this article to watch for themselves and make up their own minds about what I say and write here. Because of that, I have to keep bringing up the disclaimer that I’m a video editor, so I’m aware that what we see on these shows has been crafted into a storyline by the post-production team. Having said that, there are still lessons to be learned from supposedly-unscripted television.

tRHoDC

So I’m watching the reunion show for the Real Housewives of DC. A clip is shown where Stacie says about Catherine, “She is not used to being in an environment where it’s a majority of black people”.

The host then says “Stacie.. You said you thought that Cat was uncomfortable around black people. Do you still feel that way?”. Stacie responds without answering his question. Catherine tells Stacie that she didn’t answer the question and then a debate ensues, wherein we never hear directly what Stacie thinks about whether she still believes that Cat is uncomfortable around black people.

Of course, this is one of those situations where you’re going to alienate SOMEBODY by taking a stand. This is why people refuse to speak their minds. Stacie ended up telling Catherine “You know, I honestly don’t know you that well. I didn’t know you that well, then” (meaning at the time she said what she said).

Let’s take a similar example. Let’s say Stacie had been standing on a street corner and the host had said “Stacie.. You said that you thought the light was red and it was safe for you to cross the street. Do you still feel that way?”.. Meanwhile, there are only two current conditions. The light is red and the traffic will not run you the **** over, or the light is green and you’re gonna get smashed if you step off the curb. Therefore, your life basically DEPENDS on whether you’ve correctly assessed the current state of the light and it’s in your best interest to have a clear opinion about the state of the light before you decide whether you’re going to try to cross the street or not.

Therefore.. REGARDLESS of what you said before or what you SHOULD have said before or how well you knew someone when you said out your mouth what someone is or is not used to and what kind of people might have something to do with the way she feels… RIGHT NOW, you’re being asked about your CURRENT ASSESSMENT of whether this person that you’ve had over your house several times, hung out with several times, had good and bad times with as well as most likely other personal conversations that weren’t shown in the edit.

WHAT. IS. YOUR. OPINION? o_O it’s either

a) I don’t want to talk about it.
b) I think Catherine is uncomfortable around black people.
c) I used to think Cat was uncomfortable around blacks, but I’ve changed my mind.
d) I should never have said that she was uncomfortable around black people from the giddyap because I’m admitting that I *STILL* don’t know her that well, even though she’s been to my house several times and I’ve hung out with her on several other occasions, as was shown during an entire season’s worth of videotape for a reality show, so I sure as hell didn’t know enough about her at the time to make the assessment that I made.

Unfortunately…

a) Pleading the fifth makes you look like a sucker.
b) Saying “Someone is _______” is a JUDGEMENT.
c) Saying “I don’t believe Catherine has any issues with black people” is an ENDORSEMENT.
d) Saying “I shouldn’t have ran my mouth about black this and that without knowing anything about Cat’s motivations for leaving the party OR for attending the party in the first place” is an ADMISSION.

None of those work in the Politically Correct era, so it’s best to avoid answering the question or hope that it never comes up in conversation.

Michaele

Of course, the Queen Of Deception (or maybe Delusion, I haven’t decided) on that show is Michaele.

I would say that Michaele was the “Kelly” of the DC show, except that Kelly is single and she’s trippin’ out on her own. Michaele is following a script. This is why I was VERY VERY VERY VERY *VERY* glad when the host asked her if she *EVER* goes anywhere without her husband and she broke down crying. :D That was fantastic. So telling. :D

Again… If someone asks you whether the light is currently red or green, the answer should not require or elicit sadness or tears. One should be able to state “No. I never go anywhere without him” as an emotionless matter of fact. Is that a JUDGEMENT? Yes it is. I’m a real person. I make judgements. So do you. Stop fronting like you don’t.

In fact, the Michaele situation was the worst case of PC in the entire show, IMO. We never received any resolution to the issue of whether or not they paid for dude’s birthday party they “Hosted” for him. o_O .. It’s very simple. They paid or they didn’t. If they paid, they have the receipts. If someone else paid, someone else has the receipts. If they told dude’s manager that they weren’t coming to the party unless someone signed a document saying they weren’t liable for any money, someone has a copy of that document for their own records.

However… That situation occurred many, many episodes before the end of that season. The dude whose party it was NEVER asked them if they paid. Lynda, who had thrown and paid for a previous party for him, never asked them if they paid. Mary, his supporter and homegirl never asked them if they paid. Nobody asked them JACK-**** the entire time.

What about the grapes? HAHAHA Cat pointed out that there were crates of supermarket grapes off to the side when they were invited to the wine-stomp (or whatever they call that). That was laughed about amongst everyone else, but wasn’t brought up to the actual OWNERS of the winery.

What about when the winery employee told Cat she was acting bitchy or that her statement was bitchy or whatever she said about Cat that had the word “bitch” attached to it?.. Which it most certainly should have, because, as usual, Cat was being funny and critical in a way that doesn’t mesh with Political Correctness… How come the conversation turned into “This person works for you and it was rude of her to call an invited guest a bitch?”. So what? Deal with it. You don’t like it? Tell the hired help off. You’re the “customer”, right? You’re above her, right?

Real People

See.. What had *HAPPENED* was… The winery owners were scared to death to call Cat on her behavior and JUDGE her, so they STFU until this chick that had nothing to lose let her know what time it was. In fact, the only reason she even spoke up is that she’s not on their social level anyway. She can’t get demoted. She’s already nobody.

This is what’s refreshing about REAL PEOPLE. They have nothing to lose, so you’re more likely to hear what they really think, which is what you need in order to assess your relationship to them, whether that’s friends, acquaintances, enemies, frenemies, whatever.

That’s also why I enjoy watching shows like this. You can see on these people’s faces that they’re TIIIIIIIGHT (upset) about something and then they scrunch their faces up and feel good about not saying anything so nobody can turn around and talk behind their backs tomorrow, saying “Did you hear how whomever JUDGED whomever! So classless! So uncouth! :(“. Then.. As soon as they’re surrounded by the cast members they’re currently aligned with, you get to hear exactly what they think… as if the person in question isn’t going to hear it when the show is aired several months from now.

Watching these shows is excellent training for reading people that subscribe to the same philosophies when you’re IRL f2f with them. I need this training because I’m not used to people like this. I’m used to REAL people. I’m used to people that either tell you how they honestly feel or don’t talk to you at all if they don’t like you. I’m used to people that tell you positive things when they like something you said or did.

Thanks to reality television, I’m very used to reading people that didn’t have a problem with me, but now they do. They think they’re getting over, but they’re not. I know that they feel like they can’t afford to say anything negative to me because we have over 200 mutual Facebook friends or they know I’m tight with potential clients of theirs.

Two years ago, the NYC scene became very clique-ish and I had to deal with some faux-negativity from people who had decided that I was aligned with their new enemies. In time, that dissipated, as people realized that regardless of the beef they had with someone I know, it was neither my problem nor my concern because everyone involved was either a GROWN-ASS MAN or a GROWN-ASS WOMAN and I’m not on the payroll to try to tip the scales in someone’s favor during some social tiff they’re having.

Unless you did something REEEEEEEALLY jacked up, so long as you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you and I don’t care about your situations with other people AT. ALL.

Comfort

What does this do for society? It makes people feel comfortable. That’s another new buzzword, by the way… “uncomfortable”.

“When you did XYZ, I felt uncomfortable. :(“. Not actually. You felt uncomfortable because you were actually PISSED THE **** OFF and your discomfort was not honestly and authentically expressing yourself, because now you feel like a SUCKER because you told all your friends that if someone ever said or did XYZ to you then you were going to do this and that, but when the chips fell, you stood there motionless and speechless, looking like a JERK because “Appearing not to judge someone” comes in higher on your list of personal priorities than “Standing up for myself when I feel I’ve been wronged”. That’s YOUR problem. You’re making YOURSELF uncomfortable by acting unnaturally.

But anyway… Not saying what you really feel makes the society comfortable.. Which also makes the society SOFT. People start believing they’re ENTITLED to comfort, when, in fact, the only amount of comfort you have is the amount that the people around you GIVE YOU and the amount that you DEMAND FOR YOURSELF.

The cops can’t write tickets for people being mean. “Bullying” is another buzzword these days. It’s up to each individual community to “police” and “outlaw” Bullying. You can’t delegate that from the top down. That’s a f2f (face to face) issue that gets dealt with on an interpersonal level.

If you get pushed, either LEAVE, push back, tell the person you didn’t like what they did or call the cops. Playing Possum and standing there thinking “They don’t have the right to push me” or “They’re so uncouth for pushing me” might get you hurt when people decide there aren’t going to be any consequences or repercussions for invading your space.

Actually, another reason stuff like this gets on my nerves is that I’m from New York City. We walk EVERYWHERE.

It’s not like the sticks, where you’re inside your car and maybe you see other people at stop lights or when you get to your destination. We see people everywhere.

This means we have more interactions with more random people.

This means we meet people that decide they don’t like us and then we still have no choice but to be around each other from time to time.

That’s what I’m used to, and that’s the way I like it. If we’ve decided we’re not going to be friends and we end up in the same store, party, bar, subway car, whatever, it’s NO. BIG. *******. DEAL. It’s just fewer people that you have to nod “What’s Up?” to when you run into them. I seriously don’t get the so-called “discomfort” of being around someone that claims they don’t like you. That’s how life works.

Play The PC Game

At the same time, I understand the game and I understand why people have landed on Political Correctness as their band-aid solution to people feeling uncomfortable about hearing other people’s authentic opinions about things. If everyone said what they really thought, it would slow the progress of togetherness and create more cliques than people know what to do with. Nothing would ever get done if people separated into pro, con & neutral over every single issue that comes up.

Unfortunately, it’s still a mask.. a cover.. a front. Society’s agenda is being promoted at the cost of real, authentic, valid interpersonal human relationships.

We can’t actually get to know each other if everyone plays the party line and gives the stock responses they’re “supposed” to give so we can look like we all think the same way about everything.

The other night, I was hanging out with a friend that hadn’t told me something that I ended up finding out about from a mutual acquaintance. It didn’t have anything to do with me, so it really didn’t matter, but when the topic came up, I said “Well… You never told me that XYZ”, to which she replied that what I had heard was incorrect and “ABC” was actually the state of the situation. Being that I know her on a personal level and not a peripheral Politically-Correct level, I believe her version of the story and that’s that.

*THIS* is what we’re missing out on by not being authentic with each other. Nobody’s “word” means anything anymore because you can count on people to say whatever’s going to keep them popular instead of whatever they actually feel. Then.. When they’re surrounded by people that they know agree with them and feel the same way, they have ALL THESE OPINIONS that you don’t get to hear about if you’re outside the circled wagons.

What’s it worth to ask someone what they think when they’re scared to death to talk about a topic? \o/ At least I can give Lynda the props that when they asked her if she’d marry her boyfriend if he asked her, she was straight up, like “I refuse to answer that question! :D”. That’s REAL, right thurrrr, haha.. There IS an answer… I’m not going to tell you.

Isn’t that way better than answering with a non-answer? o_O .. Isn’t it better to say “I have an opinion that I’m not going to share with you” instead of saying “I refuse to make a judgement about someone” when you know damned well that you ALREADY MADE THAT JUDGEMENT?

• Is the light green, or is it red?
• Is it safe to walk, or is it not?
• Is there “Nobody in here but us chickens!”, or is one a fox?
• Do you live inside the DC limits, or do you not?
• Are you a housewife, (indicating that you have a husband) or are you not?
• Were you a cheerleader, or were you not?
• Did you have a physical invitation to the party, or did you not?
• Are you going to marry your boyfriend, or are you not?
• Do you say dumb things when you’re drunk on wine, or do you not?
• Are you qualified to say whether someone’s comfortable around blacks, or are you not?
• Do you currently hold the same opinion you stated when the cameras were rolling, or do you not?

These are very simple questions, which should be followed by very simple answers.

“Yes”. “No”. “Maybe”. “I don’t know”. “I don’t remember”. “I refuse to say”.

“I did”. “I didn’t”. “I would”. “I won’t”. “I wouldn’t”. “I couldn’t”.

Give me something that’s real about you or don’t expect me to consider you a real person at all.
–
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According to the ‘Jersey Shore’ glossary, a Grenade is defined as:

1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend’s behalf. A wingman is required at all times to “dive on the grenade” to ensure your success in the bedroom.

Obviously, those two definitions have nothing to do with each other. I understand why whomever wrote that was confused. The Fellaz changed the description of a Grenade after a couple of episodes, which will throw people off that don’t know what the **** they’re talking about.

DUFFs

Generally, but not always, what they’re describing as a Grenade is actually a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). This is the war-chief that you see when you encounter a pack of females. She’s easily spotted as she’s looking suspiciously around and trying to keep a count of all her girlfriends and whether they’re talking to “creeps” or not.

The DUFF’s job is to go into action when she sees that one of her girls might be planning to give it up to a dude and cockblock him ASAP. She appears like The Great Gazoo to magically destroy your rap.

The reason the DUFF is so on-point is that nobody ever kicks it to her. This leads to excessive bitterness and the deep-seated desire to make sure that her homegirls get as little play as she does. The “D” stands for Designated, as in designated driver. The same way you send that one person to the party that’s not going to drink so they can safely drive the rest of the drunkards home at the end of the night, the DUFF is responsible for making sure none of her girls hook up past maybe the makeout stage.

The reason why the distinction needs to be made between the DUFF and a Grenade is that there are A. LOT. OF. FOYINE. GIRLS. THAT. COCKBLOCK. THEIR. ASSES. OFF!!!

Just because a gal’s good-looking doesn’t exclude her from being a Grenade. In fact, Attractive Grenades are worse than Busted Grenades, so definition #1 needs to be stricken from the record. Expecting only unattractive girls to attempt to defuse your rap is an amateur mindset.

Grenades

Because the Jersey Shore fellaz failed to make the distinction between DUFFs and Grenades, they’ve confused the uninformed public. For instance, this season, Mike mentions how he, Pauly & Vinny were in the hot tub with a bunch of chicks and then he splashed some water on his face and suddenly realized “We’ve got GRENADES, Man!!! :O”.

That comment didn’t make any sense… Grenades would have cockblocked their homegirls from getting in the hot tub to begin with. Meanwhile, the girls in the tub were throwing sex at the guys left and right. They were definitely DTF (Down To ****).

What Mike SHOULD have said was “When I splashed water on my face, I realized that we had brought home girls that I wouldn’t have admitted to anybody that I kicked it with, except it’s on videotape and broadcast worldwide on televison and the internet.”

The funny thing about statements like that is how Mike is continually surprised at the visual quality of girls he pulls when it’s been a running joke throughout the entire two seasons of Jersey Shore that he and Pauly will bring back anything they can to the house at the end of the night. If splashing water on his face made him realize what the girls HE brought home actually looked like, that’s his fault for removing his own Beer Goggles.

The Original Grenade

We met an actual Grenade in ‘Jersey Shore’ season 01. I believe this is where the confusion of the term came from.

The Fellaz were snapping on this girl for two different reasons which match up to the glossary definition. They found her to be visually unattractive, AND the entire time she was on screen, she was liable to cockblock Mike.

She actually had no reason to be at the house. Pauly didn’t want to hit it, so that meant he had to babysit her so his boy Mike could get laid.

The Jersey Shore guys call this typical wingman tactic “Falling on the Grenade”. Basically, you have to ruin your evening hanging out with some chick just to distract her. The benefit is that your boy gets to tag up on the actual target chick AND that you feel your boy would do the same thing for you if you met a girl you wanted to bring back to the hot tub and the only way she was coming over was if she brought her Grenade-ass girlfriend with her.

So.. Regardless of her looks, she had to be stopped from destroying Mike’s rap, so she was named “The Grenade”.

The GFF

The GFF is the Grenade-Free Foundation, which supports a Grenade-Free America. :D

That really doesn’t have anything to do with cockblockers. It actually has to do with the level of visual quality of the girls these guys pull from the club.

This season, Vinny said that Mike & Pauly would bring home stray dogs from the club if they couldn’t get anything else. Last season, Ronnie and his boys were snapping all over Mike & Pauly saying that nothing they brought home was anywhere near Sammi’s (housemate and Ronnie’s girlfriend) quality.

In their defense, the only girls that are going to show up on a television show are the ones that agree to sign the releases, so it’s entirely possible that MTV is only showing the Grenades the fellaz pull and never the hawt chicks because none of them agree to be shown.

So, the GFF is a state of mind, really… It’s one man’s resolve that if a chick isn’t what he considers to be an 8, 9, or 10 (rating her looks from 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive), he’s not bringing her home or trying to hook up with her.

The obvious problem with this is that guys would rather hook up with a 7, 6 or 5 than NOT HOOK UP with a better-looking female. It’s better to have mediocre-looking chicks in the hot tub than to get no rap at all from hawt girls.

Hunting

It’s all part of the game of Hunting.

When you hit the streets, you’re seeing what you can come up with for that night.

Due to circumstances or the environment, you might not even have access to a chick that’s better than a 6 the entire evening.

You might have access to 8′s or 9′s, but they’re not going for your rap style.. What then? \o/

It’s either hook up with the sub-par chicks that WANT to hook up with you or go home, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

So.. Unfortunately, The GFF doesn’t exist except in the hearts and minds of guys that are willing to adhere to the terms of the concept.

It’s a fun thing to say… Grenade-Free America!!!! :D but it’s not realistic. Vinny may or may not have hooked up with Snooki this season and he was obviously embarrassed about having slept in the same bed with her… That’s what happens. That’s how life goes.

It’s nice to claim that you only hook up with hawt chicks, but that only works for two sets of guys.. The guys that ACTUALLY only hook up with top-notch-looking women and the guys that successfully keep their exploits with sub-par chicks under the hat.

Neither one of those categories apply to the dudes on ‘Jersey Shore’. :D HAHAHA The only reason you need to declare a Grenade-Free America is that you have to stop YOURSELF from partaking in the Grenades.

Unfortunately.. Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much because at the end of the night, several Grenades in the hot tub trumps zero FOYINE girls in the hot tub and the GFF or GFA will remain a state of mind that guys aspire to but never actually achieve.

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Mel Gibson has done it again. :)

Once again, his PR team has to go into crisis management / damage control mode because he was running his mouth while he thought he wasn’t being recorded.

Amongst the myriad things to be learned from this, according to examiner.com, Mel dropped this gem on his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva:

“Look what you did to me… look what you are… look what every part of you is… f**king fake… f**king fake. You are the most synthetic person… who the f*** are you?”

Now, hahahaha Being that I don’t know her at all and never even heard of her before this story broke the other day, I don’t know exactly what Mel’s referencing…

He COULD very well be saying that PHYSICALLY, she’s synthetic as far as the various procedures that women (and some men also) undergo to make themselves look better in their own eyes or other people’s eyes.

I have elected to adopt “Synthetic” as a personality-based term. “You’re the most synthetic person… who the hell *ARE* you? O_o”

Synthetic (Webster’s): 4b: devised, arranged, or fabricated for special situations to imitate or replace usual realities.

I really enjoy that term and I’m going to start using it regularly. :) “Fake” is one thing.. Like as in “You’re not really who you said you were” or “You’re not really who you THINK you are”. Synthetic, to me, implies deliberate attempts to make people believe one thing when you know damned well that the opposite is true or that “nothing” is true.. An example being someone pretending to be happy about something when they’re actually mad about it or pretending to be happy when they’re neutral about it and couldn’t possibly care any less one way or the other.

I like “Synthetic” because it implies to me that I can see your deliberate attempt at fakery and that makes you look even worse than if I considered you misguided or confused.

Synthetic People

It’s tough to spot synthetic people. It’s especially tough in New York City, where so many people need to Act As If in order to get ahead. Things work in the reverse of the proper order here. The way you act determines how people perceive you which turns into tangible opportunities for you to do what you claimed to have done all along. In other places, this works in the correct order where you do something or actually ARE a certain way, people recognize that, give you credit and offer you opportunities based on who you really are.

The way I figure out what time it is is by paying attention to how people act in different situations. If you can decipher their motives, you can create a mental graph of how they’re likely to behave depending on how much they think they can stand to benefit from trying to use you.

For instance.. If a gal knows you want to spend time with her and her actual motive is to network and meet people that you’re already friends with, she’ll react differently to an invitation to hang out one-on-one than she will to an invitation to hang out at some large party where she knows you know 60 people that are planning to show up. This also works if you change plans, like you tell her you’re going to X party, but then you change the plan to go somewhere you can get to know each other better without incessant interruptions. If she doesn’t give a flying **** about getting to know you, she’s gonna bail as soon as she realizes she won’t be able to use you for networking… Good Riddance to Bad Garbage. >:D

Ulterior Motives

I just heard about another example from a homegirl of mine while I was in the process of writing this post. She says something to the effect of “Girls are easier to ‘take with’ than guys”. That didn’t make any sense to me, because as long as a) The females in the group are HAWT and b) you have more females than males, you can get in anywhere you want in this city. An attractive chick on your arm is literally the key to the NYC nightlife.

When I asked her what she was talking about, she said how guys invite her to parties and then balk when she says she wants to bring a guy with her. That’s because she didn’t understand their motives for inviting her in the first place. Nobody cares about her coming to a party and having a good time. They’re going to invite her so they can try to get on or so they can look cool for inviting a hawt chick to a party.

If she brings a dude with her, she automatically diminishes the props of the guy that invited her. His ‘pull’ is zero. HIs addition to the party is zero. He invited a chick, but she’s less likely to hook up with HIM (which is the most important thing) or any of the other guys at the party because she brought her own entertainment. He would have been better off not inviting her at all becasue a) it doesn’t make him look good and b) even if she’s NOT dating the guy she brought, he’s just afforded that guy access to the OTHER chicks at the party so if he pulls one of them that a friend of his wanted, he’s gonna get screamed on for screwing up his boy’s action.

Again.. Recognizing this requires accurately assessing someone’s motives in inviting you somewhere. If a guy invites a gal somewhere and then balks if she asks him if she can bring a guy, you know what time it is. He was only trying to set up an opportunity to **** her and if that’s not what’s going on, he’d rather not see her around at all… Otherwise, what difference does it make? O_o If he’s inviting her so she can have a good time and enjoy herself, wouldn’t that be enhanced if she could bring her friend(s), regardless of how many of them are guys?.. Get a clue.

Synthetic Relationships

The typical concept of relationships is that it’s two people on the same page, going in the same direction, wanting the best out of life for themselves and each other. Sometimes, that’s not the case at all, but instead, it’s two people that figured out that they can use the other person to fulfill their own agenda whether that works for their SO or not.

Unfortunately, people aren’t wiling to admit that they’re in synthetic relationships. If you ask people, they either say they’re in a relationship or they’re single. There’s no qualification given to the state or quality (or lack thereof) of their relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with synthetic relationships.. except that they fall apart as soon as one of the participants gets a better version of what the relationship was providing them from someone else. If a guy’s with a gal just because he likes her ass, as soon as he has access to a gal with a better ass, he’s outta there. If a gal’s with a guy because he’s buying her stuff, she’s gone as soon as a richer guy offers to support her.

That’s assuming that these people bounce from the relationships at all. :D There’s really no reason to leave a synthetic relationship because it’s better to have TWO chicks with nice asses or TWO guys that pay for everything instead of just one. Besides, if one of them find out what’s going on, who cares? \o/ You still have the other one(s).

The obvious problem here is when people don’t realize they’re in relationships like this and they think it’s real. All I can say about that is if you find out this is the case, make sure you don’t fly off the handle like Mel, ’cause you might be the next one in the tabloids! :D

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