Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend

Besides smileys in text messages, bright colors, shiny objects and shoes (not necessarily in that order), women LOVE titles. πŸ˜€ If they mess with a guy long enough, they’re going to want to define their relationship with some kind of word, such as “girlfriend” or “fiancee” or “wife”, etc.

As ‘bad’ as it is for her when her guy won’t tell HER they’re together, it gets even worse in public. When they meet people, he either doesn’t introduce her at all or just says her first name, like any other common friend. The question’s always “Why won’t he tell anyone that we’re dating? πŸ™ “. So, ladies… Here are a few potential reasons why your guy won’t claim you as his girlfriend…..

1) Because you’re NOT

Let’s start from the start. πŸ™‚ The way the game works is the guy tries to get laid and you tell him what he’s going to have to trade you for the sex. In some cases, that’s a relationship. A guy has two choices… nod, and go along with whatever you said and get some… or refuse to say he’s working towards a relationship with you and get nothing. Odds are that he’s going to say some variation of “we’re dating” in order to get you to lay down and do the right thing. What this MEANS, however… is


Nothing at all. He might be “dating” six of y’all and none of y’all know about the others. So what happens is, while you’re waiting for him to give you a title, he’s having his cake and eating it too. This is why he looks all surprised and caught off guard when you say “Where are we going?” or “What are we to each other?”. He’s scrambling to think of something to say other than “You’re one of the chicks I enjoy having sex with”.

2) He already HAS a wife or girlfriend

This SEEMS to be the same as #1, but it’s worse. πŸ™‚ If you’re one of several chicks that he’s “seeing” πŸ˜‰ , you still have a percentage chance of being the cream that rises to the top. If he already has a woman in the top slot that he never told you about, you can forget about picket fences and two-car garages. If you think this might describe YOUR relationship, go read “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”.

3) Because he doesn’t have to

How do they say… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”… or was that “Why buy the chicken when you can get the eggs for free?”… Anyway… You get the picture. πŸ™‚ If he’s already tapping that, you have ZERO leverage to barter for a promotion. If you can figure out how HE’S going to benefit by calling you his girlfriend, then go for it! πŸ˜€

Of course, you could always call a sex boycott or embargo, except that’s when you might find out he has more chicks than you “in the pocket”.

4) He doesn’t want to scare off other chicks

Some women have an inability to stick to the facts. When you see a chick you like and ask them “Who’s that?”, they respond “Oh… She has a boyfriend”. Then they stand there as if they adequately responded to your query while you’re thinking “YOU #&(@&%*$ IDIOT! I DIDN’T *ASK* YOU THAT! πŸ™ “.

This situation affects guys in exactly the same way. If a guy’s homegirl has a friend who likes him and she asks about the guy, the response she’ll receive is “Oh… He has a girlfriend”, and his game goes down the drain.

In order to avoid this and maximize one’s options… It’s best not to claim any chicks at all so people can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and stick to the facts when a chick’s tryinna meet a brotha. πŸ˜€

5) He’s embarrassed about how you look

Oftentimes… A guy’s standards for a gal he’ll have sex with are LOWER than his standards for a gal he’ll be SEEN with. The fact that he’ll tap that doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere with you in public… God Forbid being immortalized in pictures with you, EVAR. Even if he’s willing to go out in public with you, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to admit to the depth of your relationship.

Guys are competitive. We all want to be fly and have sex with the hottest chicks. Unfortunately, πŸ˜€ reality doesn’t always match up to fantasy, and a brothaz gotsta DOOOO what a brothaz gotsta DOO! πŸ˜€ Nobody wants to be labeled a “Chubby Chaser” or whatever they call guys that like “Butch” females or whatever other fetishes are going on these days. So while he might very well enjoy hooking up with you behind closed doors, he’s not too likely to admit it to the fellaz and ESPECIALLY not likely to claim you as his exclusive girl.

6) Because his boy already tapped that

For some reason that I’ll most likely NEVER understand, πŸ™‚ women just about universally refuse to believe that guys they have sex with don’t tell their close male friends.

Basically, ladies… You can assume a 16-hour window of privacy… assuming the guy fell asleep for a full 8 hours after he tapped that. The best you can hope for is “Yeah. I hit it”. The worst case… well the WORST case is videotape… but the worst case, normally, is a detailed description of WHERE he hit it (indoors, outdoors, on what furniture/appliance…), WHAT position you were in and HOW MUCH you enjoyed each position.

This being the case… if you insist on dating guys that know each other, they come to the table (dryer, washing machine…) knowing what they can get from you and how much they need to do to get it.

Another unfortunate residual from guys’ competitive nature is that in the case of a chick that several guys have messed with, YOU don’t want to be the one that gets sprung on “Community Property”. Some guys grow out of this and some guys are just glad to be with ANY chick that will give them some at the drop of a hat, so exceptions are made and guys endure the ridicule, funny looks and snide remarks.

For the most part, though… And I’ll NEVER understand this one either… Most guys like to feel that they got their girl “fresh out the box”. It’s part of the competition thing. They like to feel special as if they were the only ones their girl gave it up to. So, for this reason, if you’re currently dating a friend of a guy who already tapped that, and God Forbid… SEVERAL guys that already tapped that, you might have to forget about being claimed as an actual girlfriend and choose a more likely achievement, such as winning the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.


Fear of Commitment

“Fear of Commitment” is a valid term which is way too often misapplied, leading to yet another way that women confuse themselves when it comes to understanding what men are thinking.

Due to the fault of this chick who will remain nameless, I ended up watching some reality television show about housewives in NYC. :/ Now, before you start laughing and snapping, πŸ˜€ This is why I know more about women than you do… Because I study them.


So I’m watching this show, and this chick asks this guy, her “boyfriend”, to say whether or not he wants her to move in with him ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! He was eating at the time, so he couldn’t immediately respond, but he starts looking at her like “ARE YOU CRAZY? DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO BRING THIS UP WITH THE CAMERAS AROUND? :O”. Priceless! So eventually, when he can speak, he says he wants to talk about it later. CLEARLY, this means “NOT WHEN THE CAMERAS ARE AROUND!”… So… of course… the chick asks him TWO MORE TIMES, gets shut down both times and next thing you know, due to the wonders of editing and time-lapse, she’s explaining to anyone who will listen about how she broke up with her “boyfriend”… the same guy that she claimed she wanted to have kids with within two years… tossed the entire relationship.

The ensuing commiseration and speculation between girlfriends is what got me thinking about “Fear of Commitment”. As I said, it’s a valid term, but it’s way too often applied to guys that are on a totally different wavelength. As an example, let’s look at Arachnophobia [fear of spiders… from Greek arachne (ΓŽΒ±ΓΒΓŽΒ¬Γβ€‘ΓŽΒ½ΓŽΒ·), “spider” and phobia (Γβ€ ΓŽΒΏΓŽΒ²ΓŽΒ―ΓŽΒ±), “fear”]. If someone sees a spider and steps on it, they could very well be accused of being arachnophobic. The fact of the matter may very well be that they’re not AFRAID of spiders at all…. They just don’t LIKE them and don’t want to be around them. “Phobia”, therefore, doesn’t apply to these people. It would be more accurate and useful to call them “Anti-Spider”. You know that they’re ‘against’ spiders, but you’re not making any judgements about the REASONS why.

Similarly, a lot of guys are accused of “Fear of Commitment”. I personally can’t count how many times those three words have been tossed at me in that exact order. πŸ™‚ I propose that we consider some additional concepts, such as “No Reason To Commit” and “You’ve Overvalued Yourself Relative To Other Women”.

“Fear of Commitment” assumes that Commitment is natural in the first place. I’ll get into the Alpha Male thing some other time, but basically, there are some guys that are in demand and have no reason AT ALL to select one female to Pair Bond with. These guys will exhibit the same symptoms as a guy who’s actually AFRAID of commitment. They won’t do it. They’re not afraid of anything… It’s just that you have an inflated concept of your worth in his eyes relative to other women.

This is why women have problems going from “best girlfriend” to girlfriend or fiancee or wife. They’re trying to elevate the status of their relationship past where their “boyfriend” actually sees it. In the case of the reality show (which, obviously was taped a long time ago, because I saw a rerun of an edited show, so for all I know, the chick and guy in question are married right now), the chick wanted to go from “girlfriend that sleeps at the dude’s house every single night but still has her own apartment” to “we’re living together”. This reminds me of what women pass down from generation to generation, which is “Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk for Free?”. Ladies…. There is NO POSSIBLE BENEFIT to a guy for letting you move in with him if he already has 100% access to you as-is. None.

This is what y’all need to focus on if you’re trying to upgrade your relationship… What is the benefit TO HIM of changing the status from “chick he’s seeing” to “girlfriend”? From “girlfriend” to “fiancee”? From “fiancee to wife”? What’s the benefit TO HIM of having kids with you or moving in with you? Why do you need to think about that? Because that’s what HE’S thinking about and that’s what HE’S going to base his decisions on about whether your relationship progresses in a positive or negative direction. Just because YOU think HE’S the one doesn’t mean HE thinks YOU’RE the one. You need to think about that, sooner rather than later.

An additional problem for the chick in the show is that her “biological clock was ticking”, meaning she was getting to the age where she’s desperate to have kids if she’s going to have any at all. This, obviously, is HER problem. This is like when you’re in high school and you don’t start your homework until 11pm when you’re already getting tired. It’s like knowing you have a test coming up on Friday and then cramming on Thursday night. Just like neither of those situations is the teacher’s problem, her “biological clock” isn’t her boyfriend’s problem. According to what she told her girlfriends, when he wouldn’t say that he’d be ready in a year or two (if ever) to have kids with her, she broke off the relationship. Typical. Only problem is, she should have thought about that sooner rather than later, because now, if she doesn’t reinstate her relationship to him, she has to start all over from square one and meet a new guy, get to know him, get him to like her AND get him to agree to have kids with her all within the exact same two year time span. :/

I’ll refer to this as an impulse buy, because this is the stage where it’s easy to get desperate females at discount rates. You’d be surprised how low women’s standards become when they’re scrambling to achieve something. It’s kind of like how guys are, all the time. πŸ˜€

Speaking of opposites, attractive women could be accused of the same thing. Isn’t it “Fear of Commitment” when a chick has a guy that will take her out and buy her steak for lunch… then turns around and goes out with a different guy who’s willing to buy her lobster for dinner? Hmmmmmmm πŸ˜€

Why should she choose one guy over the other if they’re both spending money on her? What’s her incentive to stop seeing all of her other guys? Why should she not get the multiple compliments, gifts, trips and bootie calls?

So, similar to how women to go out on dates with guys without having any intention of upgrading their relationship, guys do the same thing. Messing around or hooking up isn’t a ticket to “girlfriend” isn’t a ticket to “fiancee” isn’t a ticket to “wife” isn’t a ticket to “having kids with you”. So, instead of claiming that a guy’s afraid to commit to you, your energies would be better spent figuring out if you’re the kind of woman that might inspire him to commit in the first place.