I’m not good at giving out compliments. :)

They just don’t work the right way for me.

It’s weird, it’s like a version of stage fright or something.

I know what I want to say and it’s obvious and simple.

When I’m finally there with her, IRL, f2f, I decide I’m going to tell her how great she is, and…..

Usually, I can remember the first element of the compliment and then the rest of my mind goes completely blank.

It’s like I’m walking around in a forest, looking for the bag where I left all my notes that I wrote down explaining the compliments.

Immersion

It’s really strange and it’s VERY funny to experience for someone like me, to whom mental domination is paramount in life. I have to learn and think about and remember and implement so many ideas that it’s just ridiculous that I trip up on complimenting a gal for something she definitely deserves and is extremely obvious to me.

I know why this happens to me. In the process of telling her about herself, I start THINKING about the qualities that I’m describing to her and instances where I noticed these things about her. I can’t do both at the same time. I can’t mentally consider how great she is and talk about it simultaneously. My mind doesn’t work like that.

Mentally, I become entirely immersed in whatever I’m thinking deeply about. The outside world actually ceases to exist for me and I’m “in” whatever I’m currently considering. It’s a large part of what makes me who I am as a video editor. I actually live inside my projects while my attention’s on them.

Normally, this isn’t a problem because when you’re talking to women, they’re yakking about their day or some shoes they saw in a store window, or if you’re lucky, they’re in your same field so you can “talk shop” with them, or you’re discussing something else that has nothing to do with a) how you feel about them, or b) how they make you feel when you’re around them.

So I know why this happens, but there’s nothing I can do about it… Well, I mean, I could type out the compliments and read them off of my smartphone like the rappers do when they’re claiming to be freestyling, but that doesn’t come off as the most genuine, when you’re saying “Your eyes are like limpid pools…” while you’re looking down at your phone and nowhere near her eyes. :D

Donuts

I received a lesson in how to NOT compliment women from a close homegirl of mine, whose opinions I value greatly. I was explaining to her this spiffy (or, so I thought) comment I made about another homegirl of mine’s wardrobe. LongStoryShort, I had happily mentioned that the color and texture of her jacket reminded me of my favorite donuts.

So my friend BUSS OUT LAUGHING AT ME while looking at me like she can’t believe I did that, and I’m like “What? \o/”. As a guy, this compliment makes perfect sense. Donuts are tasty & delicious. Donuts are made to look very pretty when they’re sitting on the shelves. Donuts make people happy. Donuts make people SMILE!!! :D

Unfortunately for me.. Donuts make people FAT. :/

I then received a lesson about how you can’t compliment women by associating them with fattening foods. You have to compare them to slimming or at least slim-looking foods, like celery.

Obviously, this is ridiculous, :D but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from The Game, it’s to not do what MAKES SENSE, but instead, do what’s EFFECTIVE.

Do Fries Go With That Shake?

For instance.. Let’s say you know a chick that usually dresses in a frumpy fashion where she looks like her own grandmother and you’ve been ‘meh’ about her this whole time, and then she shows up to a party wearing a stylish miniskirt and tights and you’re like “DAAAAMMMMNNN!!! :O” because you didn’t know she had a nice ass like that:

You can’t exactly compliment her directly about how foyine her ass is, so you have to finesse it. :) You ask her if she’s been working out, and mention that her “Shape” is looking good.

Same thing with the gear. You can’t tell her “I’m glad you finally stopped dressing like them Amish chicks”. You say something like “That’s a really good look for you! :D”.

So, like, in my case.. Even though the chick’s gear reminds me of donuts, I should have said something like “That jacket works really well with your skin tone! :D” or some bullshit like that and then followed up with a compliment about her eyes.

As I’ve discussed before, “Eyes” are the safest compliment you can give a woman. This is because women find it tough to attribute sexual value to their eyes.

If you compliment her ass, she’s thinking it’s because you want to **** her. If you compliment her legs, she thinks it’s because you want them up on your shoulders. If you compliment her hands or her lips… well, you know what she’s thinking. If you compliment her hair, she thinks its because you want to pull it while you’re ******* her.

Pretty much, “Eyes” are the only thing you can compliment a gal on that always works and never makes her start projecting that you consider her a sex object…. Which she is, or else you wouldn’t be talking to her in the first place, but, you know… \o/

Business

You can also compliment a woman on her achievements in business. “Oh!.. You’re a CEO?.. That’s GREAT!!! :D”. “Oh!.. You’re working on your startup?.. That’s GREAT!!! :D”. Not that anybody cares about this if she shows up for drinks looking like Frumpty Dumpty (HAHAHAHA credit: Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker! HAHAHA), but they like hearing stuff like this and you definitely get points for it.

Kids

If she has kids, you have to compliment their personalities instead of their looks. Say stuff like “They’re so well-mannered! :D” or “They’re so intelligent! :D” instead of “DAYUM!!! :D When we have kids, they’re gonna look *DOPE*, SUNN!!! :D”.

Intelligence

If she says something intelligent, try not to appear surprised.

Weight

Weight Loss is also a highly effective compliment for women. Due to society’s brainwashing, women always feel like they a) CAN lose 5 pounds, and b) would look BETTER if they lost 5 pounds. In lots of cases, neither one is the truth. Regardless.. When you see her, mention that she’s lost weight since the last time you saw her. Don’t ASK her if she’s lost weight, say it like it’s an obvious fact.

If she’s actually lost weight, she’ll be happy that you noticed. If she hasn’t lost weight, she’ll be happy that *SOMEONE* feels like she lost weight.

Style

If you go to her crib, compliment the decor. Women spend a lot of time making their homes look nice. They do it mainly for themselves, but they also think guys are going to notice. We’re not. We just came over to tap that. Nobody cares about the flowers you put in the vase, yadda yadda.

Make sure you look around and find something that seems to be an unique item that she selected herself and act as if you care about it. This makes her feel like you appreciate her sense of taste and not just how she tastes.

Expecting?

Finally… Whatever you do.. WHAT-EVER you do… Do *NOT* compliment a woman on being pregnant, just in case she isn’t.
–
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Now that Rachel has me watching “Millionaire Matchmaker”, I can see that this is going to be my new weekly source of material, now that “Jersey Shore” is over.

So, this week, this millionaire dude is on the show and Patti asks him what he’s looking for in a female. He basically says that his only requirement is that he wants her to have an ass like Kim Kardashian:

Obviously, an ass like that should be written into law, along with “The Pursuit Of Happiness”, “Freedom Of Speech” and “A Chicken In Every Pot”, so there’s no arguing with a brotha’z selection process!!! >:D

So then, Patti compares dude to the show “Entourage”, because he’s always hanging out with his boys. He says that his friends are very important to him, and Patti asks “More important than the girl you’re dating?”…………….

There’s this long-ass pause while the guy thinks up a bullshit lie that he can attempt to cover up the truth with. If he had been being authentic, he would have said “HELLZ THE **** YEAH, MY BOYS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME CHICK I’M DATING! >:D”

Keep It Real

This is one of the problems with “dating”. People are always trying to weasel their way into getting what they want on the sneak tip. You never get the real person right off the bat.

This is going to be amplified under matchmaking conditions. If you decide to have a professional matchmaker like Maria Avgitidis fix you up, it’s honestly in your best interests to be authentic with her about what you’re looking for and what you’re bringing to the table.

As I understand, Maria always asks her clients “What challenges do you think I’ll face matching you?” — She’s just passive aggressively given you a dose of realty and you should probably thank her for that. :D

If you’re not even going to look twice at a chick that doesn’t have a nice ass, say so.
If you already have a close set of friends that she’s going to have to JOIN if she wants to stand a chance of having a lasting relationship with you, say so.
If you only want to date chicks that drink almost as much as you do, say so.

The guy in question happened to be from New York City. Not a transplant from the sticks.. Someone that grew up here. People from other places aren’t going to be clear on how important your close, ultimately-valued friends are. They’re not going to understand what you’ve gone through together… Your inner circle is where important decisions are made and important lessons are learned. Life-altering and shaping stuff.. WAY more important than whether you get laid or not.

This is one of the things that makes dating native New York guys tough for females. We’ve already formed our units. We already have our families. We have our blood-related families and we have our friends who have been there through pivotal times who have been an incredibly important part of making us who we are today. You just don’t make it on the streets of NYC without close friends that you rely on. “A girl that you’re dating” has a Long. Ass. Uphill. Climb. to make it anywhere NEAR the level of importance of the people that have been representing for you for years, with no end in sight.

This is why dude should have been authentic and said “Look.. I’m looking to add a hawt chick into my daily routine. She’s either going to get down with my usual program or get ejected.”

You have to help matchmakers help YOU… Just like what happened in the episode, whatever your true nature is will be revealed relatively soon, and then if the chick isn’t with it, she’s gonna bounce.

I’m Not A Big Drinker

Similarly.. The only viable female (best ass) on that episode should have been straight up about her drinking habits.

Here’s what happened when they were sitting together, chatting at the initial meetup party:

Chick: “Tell me a little bit more about yourself.. What do you do for fun, though?”
Dude: “What do I do for fun?.. I.. You know.. [edit].. just have a good time, get drunk.. How about you?”
Chick: “I’m actually not a big drinker.”

Granted.. The show is edited and dude probably said a bunch of other stuff to her. However.. Here’s a tip for the ladies.. :D

If you ask a dude what he does for fun and his response is GET DRUNK, assume that’s what he’s going to plan to do when he’s with you. Before I saw this episode, I had never in my life heard of a guy actually TELLING a chick that he likes to get drunk in a pre-date situation. This is a RED-ASS-FLAG, ladies. Get a clue.

Your other tip is this: If you’re describing yourself, don’t beat around the bush. Stick to the facts. If you are NOT. A. DRINKER. AT. ALL., don’t describe yourself as “Not a big drinker”. You’re doing yourself a major disservice. If you’re not DTF, don’t act like you MIGHT be willing to hook up with him… Make definite statements, such as “I don’t drink” and “I don’t usually have sex at all, except for with my vibrator”.

I had an interesting situation occur recently where I went out for drinks with a chick. The first drink we were ordering from the bartender, I could have *SWORN* I heard her ask for 1/2 a beer! :D

She’s not an American, so I figured this might have been one of her country’s customs, that they actually will serve you 1/2 of a beer! :D

So the bartender had clearly been hired for his looks and not his intelligence and served both of us full beers, completely ignoring or failing to mentally grasp and process her request for 1/2 of a beer… The next round I ordered, I got another beer and she ordered soda, like, with nothing in it.. Just soda. This indicated to me that she, in fact, had desired 1/2 of a beer and had already consumed more alcohol than she wanted to during our hangout. In fact, I had never asked her what her tolerance for alcohol was before we entered the bar. All I knew was that I was going to get *MY* drink on, REGARDLESS, and if she wanted to do that too, that was on her. >:D

This is why y’all want to be *SPECIFIC* when the topic of drinking (or sex) comes up.

I’m a big drinker.

If you tell me “I’m not actually a big drinker”, I’m going to translate that relatively, not absolutely.

All that means to me is “I drink less than you do”.

Most people on this planet drink less than I do.

A friend of mine found me instantaneously at a function that had hundreds of people attending it by walking directly to the bar. She knew damned well that I was going to be within striking distance of my next drink.

So.. If you don’t drink AT ALL, just say so. You might not get the date, but you won’t get put in uncomfortable situations either. If you’re not down to hook up at all, just say so. You DEFINITELY won’t get the date, but you won’t end up in uncomfortable situations either.

The Inner Circle

The Inner Circle isn’t specifically restricted to male membership. It’s not a Bros before Hoes” boys’ club. Cool females can just as easily earn their stripes as close friends & trusted confidantes. In fact, there are lots of things you might kick it with your close homegirls about that you never bring up to your boys at all.

This is another problem that women in NYC are going to come up against as they try to corral guys into exclusive relationships. I’m not giving up my homegirls for you or anybody else. In fact, you have a long-ass way to go before you’re even considered to be anywhere approaching their level of importance in my life, much less surpassing them and taking over some kind of leading role. You’re starting off like 30 people down in the ending movie credits when I meet you for the first time. Better women than you have tried to gain and maintain an important position on the roster and they’ve been gone for a long time now. Good Luck! :D

In fact, this adds to the superficial nature of dating in NYC. Not only are there way more women than men here, but the guys already have women we enjoy spending time with. The only reason to add women to the roster is for sex or entertainment (or because she has an ass like Kim).

That’s why it’s extremely tough to match native New York guys with gals for exclusive relationships. We don’t need them. There’s no reason to settle down, whatesoever. It’s easier to match transplants, because they’re actually country boys from like Ohio or Alabama that moved here. They’re more likely to buy that one guy / one girl scenario.

A lot of gals don’t understand this and think that because they have the title of ‘girlfriend’, that gives them special position in a guy’s life. All that means is “This is the chick I hook up with the most”. It doesn’t mean we trust you. It doesn’t mean we’re going to choose your side over a gal we’ve known and cared about for years before we realized that you existed. It doesn’t mean we’re going to hang out with you at your grandmother’s house instead of going to the batting cages with the fellaz. It doesn’t mean we’re going to suddenly become sober because you don’t like to drink… It doesn’t mean anything at all, other than that you’re the most likely person to get a call when we feel horny.

Personality

This is why I always say that a gal’s personality is her most important asset.

Yeah, your looks get you in the door.

Yeah, the fact that you’re down to hook up keeps you in the game.

You’re never actually going to become IMPORTANT to a dude until he considers you one of his homies… one of his inner circle… one of “Tha Fellaz”. If he’s down to take you wherever he goes, that’s when you know you’re in there like Belvedere. If he brings you around his close friends and they treat you respectfully, you know that he’s already vouched for you. You’re not some pice of ass.. You’re his FRIEND. He respects you and he’s requested that his friends respect you as well.

You’re an extension of him. When they see you, they’re seeing him. That counts whether he’s standing next to you, whether he’s over at the bar getting another round or whether he’s not even in the same state and they ran into you in the street. He’s vetted you, so whatever amount of respect they have for him is automatically applied to you as if you were his girlfriend, wife, cousin or sister.

He doesn’t have to tell you this, and most likely won’t. It’s an agreement between the people that are already “down”. The difference is obvious between someone that’s important to you and some chick you happen to be hooking up with. The hookup-chicks come and go like the wind. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow. Wipe your hands. Brush your shoulder off. Nobody even asks what happened to them because they know the drill.

So if you’re relying on your looks, you’re gonna end up short. If you’re relying on the fact that you’re DTF, you’re gonna end up short. Use whatever tricks you have up your sleeve to get your foot in the door and then get to know guys and let them know you. Dudes aren’t lonely in NYC. We already have a bunch of dudes to hang out with. We already have a bunch of gals to hang out with. All we have to do is head down to Times Square or Bryant Park and we’ll be literally SURROUNDED by foyine chicks.

Distinguish yourself by your personality. It’s your only win in this city. Trust & Believe that regardless of what guys might tell you in order to gas your head up and get you to lay down, Until you’re considered a member of his inner circle, you’re nowhere near as important to him as you think you are.
–
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What is a Cougar? How come this dating term only applies to females and not to males who exhibit the same behaviors?

Definition

According to Wikipedia, a Cougar is “a woman, 40 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. The term is also commonly applied to women that are thirty or older.”

This is clearly a corny & simpe viewpoint. Urban Dictionary has some more definitions for us:

• An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her **** together.
• (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. “Man is cougar’s number one prey”
• An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with MILFs.
• A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar’s victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.
• A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”
• Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don’t have to sneak up and attack…they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won’t ask if they’ll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.

Did you notice how this is like a crime scene where everyone has a different description of the perp? :D

She was 35.. No.. She was 50…
She was rich.. No.. She was broke…
She looked busted.. No.. She looked HAWT!!! :D

For the purpose of this discussion, I’m going to define a Cougar as a female that’s older than the male she’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that male that she’s not “supposed” to have.

We need to keep the “older than” component, or the concept isn’t any fun. If you get served by a chick your age or younger, she was just smarter than you and your life sucks.

I’m willing to toss the “how much money she has” component and the “whether she looks good or not” component as those aren’t going to be primary issues during the locker-room talk debriefing the next day with his boys. As soon as he mentions that he hooked up with an older chick, the conversation could potentially stall there indefinitely as he attempts to explain why and save face in front of his friends who are dying to call him “desperate”.

The age component needs to be dropped lower because those mid-western grade-school teachers that keep getting busted for being in love with their 14-year-old (happy as HELL to get laid!!! :D) students already qualify as Cougars in their late 20′s.

So we need for the Cougar to be older, except we also need for her to have uncommon advantages in the relationship. Otherwise, she qualifies as a MILF, which is a similar, yet completely different fetish category.

MILFs

The acronym MILF stands for Mother I’d Like to ****. It’s a technically incorrect term because nobody cares whether the older chick has kids or not. The concept is more that she’s old enough to have kids or maybe that the way she looks, you would say “She’s old enough to be my mother” even though she might only be 5 years older than you are.

MILFs don’t have any advantages in relationships.

They’re just like regular females except they were born before you were. You don’t need to apply any special tactics for them. Actually, you can do even less as you imagine them to be relatively desperate and hungry for some male action.

MILFs are a fetish category because they’re not supposed to still be in The Game. They’re supposed to have had all the sex they’re going to have in their lives and now, their function is being somebody’s mother or a secretary or something.

The problem with this theory is that women supposedly peak sexually in their 30′s, so even though their looks might be way past their prime, they’re way more DTF (Down To ****) than younger girls who are still playing stupid games and frontin’ like they don’t want to hook up with you when you know that they’re dying to give you some.

So, a MILF is an older woman that you’re not supposed to be able to have sex with, but somehow you do.. Like, you go to some chick’s house to take her out to the club and she got stuck at the library studying so her mother invites you wait for her inside and you happen to hook up with the moms, probably including all sorts of stuff that her daughter wouldn’t have done for you anyway.

Or.. Maybe you decide to do your laundry late at night and this older gal is the only one in the laundromat and one thing leads to another…

These qualify as MILF encounters… Regular stuff, except it just so happens that the gal’s older than you are.

Cougars

A cougar, OTOH, is making moves from her own personal power. You have to imagine a Stella trying to get her Groove Back.

The Cougar knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. There’s an empty space she’s trying to fill… She’s looking to add an element to her already HAPPENIN’ lifestyle.

Unfortunately.. Unless you know how to tell the difference, a Cougar looks just like a MILF and you might could get caught slippin’. :D

It might be a part of her game plan to play that submissive “Oh.. I do declare!.. I think this whippersnapper’s trying to have sex with me! :O” role because she doesn’t want to scare you off by saying “Let’s get out of here” or asking you to accompany her to the bathroom of the bar and then locking both of y’all inside.

The trick to the Cougar is that “She don’t need you.. She’ll let the welfare feed you.”.. The tricks that usually work on women will actually leave you in a worse position than if you hadn’t tried to use them.

Declarations of love and promises of long-term relationships don’t have the pantie-dropping effect they’re supposed to. She’s not looking for Mr. Right.. She’s looking for Mr. Right Now. >:D

It’s also easy to miss it entirely when a Cougar propositions you because the way some of them press up is so subtle and slick. For instance, they might use the typical guy’s trick of feigning interest in your business so you have to.. what?.. Give her your business card.

After that, you need to talka about the business, right?.. Which is usually best discussed over what?.. Dinner. O_o

Of course, you need to meet at the restaurant’s bar before dinner, which leads to what?.. Drinks…

Next thing you know, you’ve gone on a full-fledged DATE with her and you can’t even accuse her of having asked you out! :D

So What?

What difference does any of this make? How come we need a special term for this behavior?

Cougars do what they want to do when they want to do it. If this attitude somehow permeated the female population, it would be a complete disaster for guys trying to get laid.

Sometimes, the only leverage you have is that she wants you to spend money on her or take her dancing or buy her a house.. The only carrot you have to dangle in front of her face is how much better her life will be if she hooks up with you. Take that away, and women would only give it up to guys they actually thought were sexy, and society as we know it goes down the tubes. :D

Once you label the behavior, you can convince people that it’s a deviant lifestyle and eventually even prescribe medication for it. mo money, Mo Money, MO MONEY!!! :D

More importantly, you can utilize the new distinction to brainwash girls that this is not who they want to be when they grow up.. A free-thinking, financially independent woman enjoying her life without being subservient to a man (unless that’s how she gets her kicks..) and getting involved with sex & relationships on her own terms.

It’s kind of like how they try to blackmail guys into selecting a girlfriend by telling us “You don’t want to end up as that old-ass man at the bar, do you?”

Speaking of which…

Male Cougars?

There is no similar term that means male that’s older than the female he’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that female that he’s not “supposed” to have.

Guys are SUPPOSED to have lots of advantages over the women they’re dating. That’s the whole point of the mating ritual. She’s trying to make a come-up by latching onto a guy that’s better than her, taller than her, stronger than her, richer than her, with a better career than she has, owns more property than her, has better genes than her family does, etc etc etc.

The phrase women like to use is “I can do poorly all by myself!”

There’s no point in a woman latching onto a man who’s a lesser human being than she is unless she’s one of those people that enjoys telling people what to do. If that’s her idea of a fun relationship, then more power to her.

So there IS no Cougar-type term for guys because we date women as young as we like, so long as they’re legal in that particular state.

Will you ever see Hugh Hefner cold lampin’ with chicks his age? NOPE!.. He likes young chicks and can afford as many of them as he likes. There’s no term for that, except perhaps “The American Dream”. >:D

According to society’s standards, guys are SUPPOSED to be older than the gals they date. They’re supposed to be taller and smarter and richer… It’s not enough of an issue to warrant a particular label, just like women getting laid *WELL* isn’t enough of an issue to warrant the creation of brothels where women can go to Get Their Groove Back right quick and then get on with their business like men all over the world do every single day of life.

According to a recent Time/CNN article, the Cougar craze is a myth… What do YOU think? O_o

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A reader asked me a question the other day that pertained to my post “Hard To Get” vs “Expensive To Buy”. I’d like to clarify my position on dating & monetary exchanges…

The basic point of that post was that if a gal requires some kind of monetary exchange from a guy in order to give it up, she’s essentially a hooker. Sex for Money is Prostitution and there’s no way around that, purely by definition.

What happens is that the guy adds up the expenses he incurred while attempting to get on, and that becomes her “purchase price”, let’s call it. Buy her an expensive dress and you can get some. Take her out to three dinners and you can get some. She’s basically been reduced to a simple business transaction… “So long as I can afford X, she’ll give me Y”.

The solution to this for women is to make it clear that y’all are acting from your own personal power. You need to let a guy know that you hooked up with him because you wanted to and not because you accepted being bought.

Buying Sex

When I wrote that post, I was speaking specifically to the issue of gals that think they’re making themselves look good by holding out and then eventually giving it up. The problem with that style is how you’re perceived by that guy, going forward. If he thinks he bought you, once or several times, that’s a pretty terrible look for you.

The issue that was brought to my attention yesterday is that there are LOTS of guys for whom MONEY is their ONLY rap style. I hadn’t considered the situation from the viewpoint of a woman that’s *OFFERED* money, gifts, dinners, clothes, trips, etc because that’s that particular suitor’s style of wooing females and NOT because she requested any of these things from him before being willing to interact with him the way she genuinely wanted to from the first time she saw him.

This is a slightly complex situation which hinges upon the reason (in his own mind) why he’s spending money on her. He might consider himself doing her favors, as any guy might do for a gal he likes. He might consider himself building equity towards sex, like layaway. He might consider himself demonstrating to her that he can provide for her and offer her “the finer things in life” if she chooses to be his woman (and possibly fiancee or bride).

The other issue is how SHE feels about receiving money, items & favors from guys that are courting her. Some women like to pay their own way… ALL THE TIME. :D Some gals are used to the game and they know what’s probably coming down the line if they start accepting things from guys, which is “What can I get in return for all those goods & services I provided you? >:D”.

Perception Is Reality

Some women don’t want the time that they’re taking to get to know a guy and figure out if they want to mess with him to be perceived by him as the time it’s taking him to buy sex from her. Some gals like to demonstrate that they have careers too and they make money too and they want to come to the table as equals and not dependents.

As usual, I think communication is the key here. Gifts either need to be rejected with an “I appreciate that, but no thanks :)” or accepted while making sure that he understands that his gesture isn’t getting him any closer to getting laid.

That’s a tricky issue as well, obviously, because saying “Wow! :D .. This is GREAT, and you still can’t get any! :D” isn’t the best way to accept a gift.

Another thing that’s annoying, yet funny to me is guys that “Lead with their wallets” (statement credit: The Anh Vu Show). Instead of them having anything to say about themselves or even about *HER*, the first thing they want to tell chicks about is how much money they’re able to spend on her or what kinds of things they’ve already bought that she’ll be able to enjoy if she rolls with him. hahaha It’s *SO* Pathetic! :D

Countless times, I’ve overheard dudes telling chicks about their cars, boats, houses, expensive apartments, vacations they went on, salary and all other kinds of things that have NOTHING TO DO with one-on-one, interpersonal interactions, which, of course, are the essential *CORE* of dating. They’re basically saying “I know damned well that there’s nothing attractive about me as a person so maybe I can lure her in with these luxury items so she lays down for me anyway”.

Gimmicks & Bribery

Do I think dudes should use whatever gimmicks are available to them so they can get laid? Hellz Yah! :D … Do I think they should pull out the gimmicks *FIRST*? HELLZ NAW! :/ If you can’t get the rap off your looks, charisma & personality and the ship’s clearly sinking… *THEN* mention the Porsche & the yacht. Unfortunately, if that saves your rap, you know what kind of chick you have on your hands, so good luck with that.

A personal bias of mine, and I know this sounds funny as it potentially parallels how chicks are always clamoring for guys to want them for their minds or some other such ridiculousness, :D but I’m not really interested in chicks hanging around me so they can use me… for business purposes… so they can use me for business purposes… I have no problem with women using me if they run out of batteries for The Rabbit or The Butterfly… but I digress…

I’m not rich to begin with, but even if I were, I MOST CERTAINLY wouldn’t lead with my wallet because I’d rather have a chick come around because she wants to hang out with The Kid… Not because she knows she’s gonna be drinking for free or that she’s gonna meet a bunch of people that are actually DOING THINGS with their lives or she wants me to mix her new song or she wants to hang out with the cool kids and be all up in pictures & whatnot.

Then again.. If your wallet’s your last resort, it’s better to have that than to NOT have that. >:D

If the only way you’re going to get your hands on chicks is to bribe them, more power to ya and Good Luck with that. :D

Business Transactions

As you can tell, I’m not a strip club fan either. The concept of giving a chick money for showing you her body is ludicrous at best. Chicks are supposed to want to show you their bodies FOR. FREE!.. Which, I suppose, takes us back to my initial point.

I got the title for this post from this song called “Ain’t Nothing Going On But The Rent” by Gwen Guthrie.

This song was an hilarious reply to the common way guys would greet gals and try to talk to them by saying “What’s going on? :D”, to which she would reply “Ain’t *NOTHING* going on, but the rent! :D”. I’m laughing right now, just thinking about how upsetting this reply is! :D

Here are some of the lyrics:

Bill collector’s at my door – what can you do for me?

No romance without finance, no romance without finance

Boy, nothin’ in life is free
That’s why I’m asking you, what can you do for me?
I’ve got responsibilities
So I’m lookin’ for a man who’s got some money in his hand

‘Cause ain’t nothin’ goin’ on but the rent
You got to have a J.O.B. if you want to be with me

Boy, your silky words are sweet
But we’re only wastin’ time if your pockets are empty
I got lots of love to give
But I will have to avoid you if you’re unemployed

Oh, you look good to me, your silky words are sweet
But your pockets sure look empty

It’s like, ok.. I get it. You’re a ho, if not an actual professional hooker. I get it.

I also get that guys will use gals as much as they can for free, so I can’t hate on women that attempt to procure monetary compensation for agreeing to lay down for 5 minutes (or less) worth of sex before dude falls asleep on top of her.

What’s Real & What’s For Sale?

I think the WIN here for women is to make it clear that money & gifts aren’t influencing your decisions on whether you’re going to hook up with a guy or not.

Another WIN is making sure you understand HIS motivation for buying you stuff or giving you money or paying your phone bill or whatever.

He may very well be doing you a friendly favor. My friends and I buy each other rounds all the time… rounds of drinks, not ammunition.

It’s a social gesture that builds rapport and contributes to more of a “togetherness” feeling than if everyone’s paying for their own drinks.

OTOH, He may be keeping an accountant’s ledger of how much dough he’s spent on you, hoping that when he finally tells you what he really wants to do with you, you’ll feel too guilty from taking all those bribes to refuse his physical request.

Put it this way.. I’ve seen dudes drop $600 USD in one night in a strip club, buying 20-minute “Happy Ending” sessions in the back rooms. If you don’t think a dude will drop a couple hunnid to eventually (after several dates, shopping sprees or whatever) have you to himself for an entire evening, you’re mad.

There’s no amount of money that a guy can pay a gal to have sex with him that makes y’all look GOOD, so your best bet is to make it clear that money, gifts & special considerations don’t have ANY effect on your decision-making processes, whatsoever. If he’s clear on that and still wants to buy you stuff and you’re willing to receive it from him, good for you… Enjoy! :D

Trust & Believe that you’re way better off remaining broke (poor) and retaining his respect for you as well as your own self-respect than you will be if you have a couple more dresses in your closet or eat a couple of steaks and he thinks of you as ass for sale.

Related Posts

• How To Compliment A Woman
• Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 05]
• Ass Out, In The Garbage (Homegirl Epic Failure)
• Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)
• Buying Women

As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene:

* Continued from Part 04 *

ok.. Let’s recap the super-excellent dating tips I’ve blessed y’all females with in this series over the past week and then get to the final tip:

1. Stop going outside looking like a bum
2. Only date guys you have references for
3. Clearly communicate what you want
4. Be congruent
4a. You don’t get any points for giving it up
4b. You don’t get any points for NOT giving it up
5. Exercise for YOURSELF
6. EAT when you go out to dinner
7. Stop running your mouth for no reason
8. Common Decency goes a long way
8a. Complications & Agendas
9. Keep dudes’ business out tha street

This brings us to tip #10, which is:

10. Intelligence is Sexy

If you’re going for the “Dumb Blonde” rap style, quit that. There are too many dumb girls to begin with that first of all are much better than you at being dumb because it’s natural to them and second, all you’re doing is making yourself look typical by dumbing yourself down. If you know everything about Physics or Day Trading or H.A.L.O. or Web Design, KICK THAT ISH!!! :D

A guy might be intimidated by what you’re saying, but he simultaneously has to respect it. You’ve delved further into certain realms than he ever has or likely ever will. He might not TELL YOU, but it’s a great thing to be able to learn something from a gal. :)

Same thing with travel. If you’ve been to India & China & Aspen Colorado, don’t keep interesting stuff like that to yourself so as not to embarrass some dude that isn’t well-traveled. Impress him with the knowledge & experience you’ve amassed from places he intends to never visit.

Ultimately, if a guy is scared of the possibility of your being smarter than he is or more successful than he is or making more money than he is, that’s not the right guy for you because eventually you’re gonna get tired of his low self-esteem in the same way that guys get tired of gals’ low self-esteem.

A guy should be happy about and APPRECIATIVE OF aligning himself with an impressive female. If you look at any of the warrior movies, Gladiator, 300, Rob Roy.. All of the top guys have top-level women that wouldn’t just back them up but would actually be AHEAD OF THEM in battle if they could be.

As far as Long-Term Relationships, *None* of the best guys select weak females from the pool of women available to them. \o/ That would be like buying a row boat when you can afford a yacht.

A dude that only wants to date a weak chick is a weak dude. Let people know who you are, what you do and what you know so the guys that are looking for someone respectable & impressive can seek you out and throw their hats in the ring. ;)

Related Posts

• How To Compliment A Woman
• No Romance Without Finance
• Ass Out, In The Garbage (Homegirl Epic Failure)
• Yeah.. My Boys Are More Important Than Some Chick.
• Paranoid Players [Hunters, Part 04]