Appreciating your girlfriend is one of the best things you can do to keep your relationship fresh, interesting, and exciting. :D

All too often, we completely ignore or just plain fail to acknowledge “the little things” that our gals do for us that make our lives so much better.

Sure.. We make sure she “gets hers”, but other than that, what are we really doing for the special women in our lives? o_O

How about next time she cooks you that fantastic meal, which she also planned out and shopped for during her free time after she finished working all day, you pick up a sponge and gladly do the family dishes?

How about next time you pass that store, and see a pair of jeans on display that will make your girl look particularly fat-assed and delectable, you roll right in there and buy them for her?

billcammack.com/2008/06/26/how-to-dress-your-girlfriend/

Photo Credit: six4eleven.com

How about next time, instead of inviting her to come see Conan The Barbarian with you in the theater, you ask her which boring-ass chick flick you can suffer through for her sole benefit?

How about next time SHE wants to go out with her girlfriends, you don’t call the act of staying at home with your own biological child you had with her “babysitting”?

How about next time, instead of falling dead asleep after the fact, you take one for the team and force yourself to cuddle with her?

Yes.. I realize that you’re only dating her for sex and entertainment, but there’s so much more you can do to make her experience exciting and worthwhile in the meantime.

Turn your brain off. Think to yourself “If I were a chick, what would I want to do right now? o_O” and then go with the flow.

Go shopping with her at the mall. Just make sure you don’t end up on the bench with the Health-Tex-Wearing husbands whose wives have dressed them up as little kids to ensure that they never get sex from a female other than them ever again in life.

Take that walk with her through Central Park when you’d rather watch that football game that’s more important to you than she is right now.

Go antique-shopping with her when you don’t give a flying **** about old-ass furniture.

Take her out for that lavish Italian meal instead of taking her on dates to the gym so she can work out and stay in the type of shape you enjoy.

Spend the day with her at her Grandmother’s house with the rest of her family in attendence, playing it off like you’re not hooking up with her every hour that you’re physically awake…

Pretending that you’re not hooking up with your girlfriend, *NOT* pretending that you’re not hooking up with her Grandmother…

I mean.. If you *ARE* hooking up with her Grandmother, you want to play that off too, but, um….

Anyway… It’ll all be worth it. I guarantee you. The happier you make her, the happier she’ll make you.

So, Fellaz!!!… Pick up that sponge and grin your way into a fantastic and ultimately fulfilling relationship! >:D
–
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By now, you’ve heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was banging the hired help while he was married and having kids with his wife.

For some people, this was a surprise. I suppose they never read my 2008 article “Political Sex Scandals”.

I suppose they also never saw this video of Schwarzenegger in Brazil back in the day:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

Does this look like a dude that’s interested in one female?… Nope.

It’s All In The Game

Anyway… I didn’t have much to say about this topic because it’s so basic that I couldn’t get a grip on only ONE topic that I wanted to talk about.

When it comes to dating, there are only three types of guys:

1. Guys that are looking for one girl to settle down with.
2. Guys that are willing to FAKE looking for one girl so they can get laid.
3. Guys that will tell you to your face that they’re not going to be exclusive with you and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it.

So.. When I hear that some dude has a teenage kid with his hired help, my two reactions are, a) “Sucks to be you.. Should have used a condom.”, and b) “**** it. He’s rich. He can afford Child Support payments”.

Also, when I hear that the hired help’s kid is the same age as his wife’s youngest kid, I’m like “Welp… Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.”

So.. Obviously, I have no problems at all with dudes screwing as many chicks as they like, even on the same day…. If you’re not hip to the facts, according to CNN:

A son fathered by Arnold Schwarzenegger with his housekeeper was born less than a week after Maria Shriver gave birth to another Schwarzenegger son, according to birth records obtained Wednesday by CNN.

The New York Times, citing two friends of the family, reported the mother was Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked for two decades as housekeeper for the Schwarzenegger family.

The former California governor acknowledged Tuesday he was the father of a child “over a decade ago,” but he did not identify the mother.

So.. Obviously, he was tagging up on both of them at the same time…. I’mma let Robbie Nevil handle this one:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGtf9QfITQw

The ‘problem’ I have with the situation is that that’s a sucker move, telling a chick you’re exclusive with her to get her to lay down. That’s like one step above paying a prostitute. That’s not sporting. :/

I mean.. How do you feel about yourself when you spend all this time and energy, attaining a position of power, and then you can’t do what you actually want to do with your life? o_O

What’s the point of attaining anything in life at all? If you want to bang the housekeeper, bang the ******* housekeeper. I don’t see what the problem is.

You bought like a Porsche or a yacht or a mansion because you felt like it, right? How come you have to sneak behind your woman’s back and hook up with the hired help?

Nice Life.

Discretion

If a chick doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut about the fact that y’all are hooking up, she’s either worthless or a liability. Neither one is good.

One of the benefits to hooking up with the hired help is that she’s already on the payroll.

You’re already paying her to do things for you, so all you have to do is extend her job description.

You’re also already paying her to keep her mouth shut. You don’t want her blabbing to the tabloids about what goes on in your house when she’s mopping the ******* floor, so discretion is pretty much built-in if you decide to start screwing her.

This is one of the reasons people like Charlie Sheen specialize in hookers. If you hook up with random groupies, they’re going to have your business all over Facebook before you wake up the next morning.

That’s one of the differences between celebrities and regular dudes. If you’re a regular dude, chicks deny giving you some to their very last breath on this Earth. If you’re a celebrity, they’re bragging to their friends about whose **** they just ****** as soon as they can wash their hands and pick up their Blackberry or iPhone.

The hired help isn’t going to do this to you because she wants to keep getting paid. She knows she’s living lovely. She also knows that she would have hooked up with you for free, anyway… Like, if you would have met her in a club and pressed up on her, she would have been like “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(“.

Invisibility

If you’ve decided to go the sucker route of promising an exclusive relationship to a chick and then continuing your single lifestyle as if whatever’s clever, you most definitely need to *NOT* be seen with the chick(s) you’re hooking up with.

Even the most inept cheaters COUGHtigerwoodsCOUGH know not to be seen chillin’ in public with ‘extra’ chicks.

This is why the hired help is useful for sex. You have legitimate excuses for being alone with them.

Your wife goes on a trip? hehe SOMEBODY’S got to take care of the kids, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be YOU. >:D .. A few PlayStations and Xboxes scattered around the house, and the maid’s all yours for as long as you can tap that.

If you happen to be seen with her in public, like, at Wal-Mart or something, nobody can say **** to you, because everybody knows she’s your housekeeper.

Relativity

It also kind of helps if the chick is busted compared to your wife.

^^^ What she looked like around the time Arnold got her pregnant ^^^

This is the move, because even if someone tries to imply that you’re hooking up with her, the peanut gallery’s going to shout them down, saying “Look at his wife, and then look at her… There’s NO WAY he’s tappin’ that, sunn. :/”

This same type of bias is the reason that there are no Asians on television and why you never see a story about someone busted getting killed on Dateline.

It’s always “How could this happen to the cute, pretty, beautiful whomever? :O” as if ******-up stuff never happens to unattractive people.

So.. Yeah.. If you’re going to hire a maid, make sure she has the type of body that turns you on, but her grill is sort of irregular, and you’ll slide right under the radar every time.

STD Issues

Another problem with hooking up with groupies is that… well… they’re groupies. \o/

That means that you and whomever else they’re jocking right now can get some.

That means that whatever they just caught, they can pass on to you quick fast in a hurry, Flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

Arnold went for the double fail-safe by boning a chick that was already married.

Married chicks, for the most part, aren’t out on the dating scene, so all you really have to worry about is if her husband is cheating on her, passing HER something that she passes YOU that you pass YOUR WIFE and then you get busted for cheating 14 years ago instead of recently.

On top of that, married dudes tend to get lazy and not sex their wives properly, so she’s easy pickin’s.

So, it’s really the best situation, evAr. The chick works for you, she’s sweating you, you’re already paying her, she’s down to give you some, she’s not dating anybody, she’s proven she can keep your business out tha street… on top of all that, she knows that if she acts like she’s clean and she’s not, she gets fired, so she has even more incentive to tell you the truth about that.

You’re still a ******* IDIOT for hittin’ it without a condom, but at least married chicks that work for you are pretty much the best deal you’re going to get.

Flexibility

I’ve never been married, because I’ve never met an attractive female Billionaire that was any good at SOCOM:

However.. There are a lot of situations where once a gal gets married to a dude, she feels like, er.. she doesn’t have to be that Hawt Chick for him anymore.

This is a blatant error, ladies. :D If you think your husband got married to you so he could feel LESS turned on than when he was dating you and/or engaged to you, you’re wrong.

There’s a very good reason why strip clubs, whorehouses and porno will never go out of style.

Never.

So, if you go that route, and the hired help is still trying to be that Hawt Chick for your man, you “might could” get cheated on.

Granted… This probably doesn’t have anything to do with Arnold’s situation, because a) his wife always looked better than the housekeeper, and b) the kids popped out less than a week apart from each other, so he was obviously still enjoying hooking up with his wife while he was banging the hired help without a condom.

Still.. The fact remains that while the hired help may not have graduated from MIT http://alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack/, or, actually, any college at all.. Your husband might hit it if she’s willing to “drop it like it’s hot”, and you aren’t.

Gettin’ It In

Ultimately, the problem here is what I’ve always said the problem is.

Since guys know what the game is, they’re willing to fake it to get chicks to do what we want them to do.

You want to be my girlfriend? fine.. My fiancee? fine.. My wife? fine… And then I’m going to continue doing whatever the **** I feel like doing until you get hip to the game, which may be never.

What happens if you find out?.. Nothing. \o/ .. You bounce, and then I can spend even more time with my other girlfriends… Peace in the Middle East… Don’t let the doorknob hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

Unfortunately, people will continue to be amazed and surprised that some dude was screwing other chicks when he claimed he wasn’t.

There are some guys that are only physically attracted to one woman.

There are other guys that will hook up with any gal that turns them on.

If you’re suspicious, leave your sound-activated baby monitor video camera in the laundry room, or wherever you suspect your man’s gettin’ it in with the maid.

Also, make sure you check his glove compartment and fishing tackle box for condoms… Although we found out from Arnold that your man might not be using them with the next chick anyway.
–
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I receive a lot of questions and comments from female readers about the current state of and/or the progression (or lack thereof) of their relationships:

“Where is this relationship going?”

“When is he going to take me out in public instead of coming over to have sex with me and immediately bouncing?”

“When is he going to call me his girlfriend?”

“When is he going to tell OTHER PEOPLE I’m his girlfriend?”

“How can I tell he’s not dating other women?

“When are we going to get engaged?”

“When is he going to introduce me to his parents?”

Meanwhile, I have NEVER.. In my entire life… Had a guy ask me a question like that about a woman he’s dating. Never. :D

Ladies.. Pay Attention…

If you’re seeing, dating, messing with or hooking up with someone, progression isn’t guaranteed. In fact, you may very well currently be at the highest level of relationship you’re ever going to achieve with this particular guy.

If you’re not aware of how a guy relates to and/or perceives women, you won’t be able to make any educated guesses or decisions about your relationship to him, because you’ll never understand your position on The Roster.

Commitment

In my experience, women commit to relationships before men do…. WAY before men do.

Pretty much, you can be kickin’ it to a chick on a Monday, and then on Tuesday, she’s like “I’m dating whomever now! :D”, as if something’s actually changed between you during the last 8 hours, while you were sleeping.

It’s really pretty creepy, now that I’m thinking about it. :D They get this glazed look on their faces, and frequently smile too much, seemingly accessing memories of whomever it is that they’re suddenly “committed to” merely because he suggested that they officially represent themselves as “dating” now.

It’s even creepier when you know that this chick just hopped off your boy’s dilznick just last weekend, like she was physically hooking up with and drooling all over your friend, and then a few days later, she’s purportedly “in a relationship” with some other dude.

I think this comes from the brainwashing received by little girls from day 01 that having a boy select them validates their worth. This is why they’re taught to be homemakers while boys are taught to play football and baseball.

Meanwhile, boys are taught to “Get Girls”, and that’s the end of it. It doesn’t really matter which one you get, so long as she looks good and is functionally useful.

For instance, there’s no point in getting a girl that looks good if she’s going to be a pain in the neck to hook up with. There’s no point in getting a girl that’s completely DTF if she doesn’t look good so you don’t want to hit it anyway. You can figure out the rest of the permutations.

So, basically, in the beginning of a relationship, while guys are experiencing “This works for me! :D”, gals are experiencing “He is The One! :D”, which is a completely different level of focus and involvement.

This is one of the reasons why dudes FREAK OUT when a chick they’re dating says she loves them. It’s like “Yo. Take it easy. Things aren’t that serious. It Ain’t That Type-a Party. :/”. We can see how much of a scene they’re going to make when we attempt to pry their hands off tha dilznick when we’re like “Nah, I don’t want to get engaged (to you)”, or “Nah, I don’t want to get married (to you)”, or “Nah, there’s no reason for you to meet my parents and close friends” or whatever.

Your relationship essentially becomes a countdown to The Hindenburg or The Titanic, and it’s not a question of IF, but only a question of WHEN she realizes she’s not who she thinks she is in your grand scheme of things.

This is why I’m going to try to explain The Roster to the ladies. I thought this was completely obvious, but the questions I receive from female readers of the blog indicate that their standing in their relationships remains a complete mystery to them.

Multitasking

There are laws against bigamy in the United States of America:

Bigamy: In cultures that practice marital monogamy, bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another.[1] Bigamy is a crime in most western countries, and when it occurs in this context often neither the first nor second spouse is aware of the other.[2][3] In countries that have bigamy laws, consent from a prior spouse makes no difference to the legality of the second marriage, which is usually considered invalid.

Meanwhile, there’s no such law that dictates that a guy can’t have as many girlfriends as he can get. >:D

I never really counted, but I think that before the internet/online age, my maximum was three simultaneous girlfriends, if you don’t count satellite chicks that would have messed with me if I would have put them in the starting rotation.

The reason I bring up the internet is that before all this social media connectivity, you actually had to spend physical time on one gal or another. You couldn’t be on the phone with more than one girl at a time. You couldn’t go out on a date with more than one girl at a time. The number of chicks you could kick it to was limited to the number of hours in a day that you had reserved for that format of recreation. There was also studying, chillin’ with your homeboys, playing sports, meeting new girls, going to parties, hitting the gym… If you only had three hours available on a particular day, that might be three one-hour phone calls in a row with all of your girlfriends, or one three-hour hangout with only one of them.

Thanks to the internet, I can maintain 9 or 10 simultaneous text chats with chicks and be done with my obligations within 30 minutes [assuming that a) I was kickin' it to 9 chicks, and b) they all came online at the same time].. “How was your day?” “What did you do?” “What’s going on next week?” “Let’s get together for drinks” blah blah blah

This new technology is, in fact, what sank Tiger Woods‘ battleship. He tried to multitask chicks, and he’s not smooth like that.

Thanks to texting. You can be sitting at a bar in front of one gal and telling another gal that you’re working, or that you’re running late and will see her later, because [whatever excuse you gave her] is taking longer than you anticipated. She can’t hear the music or see you lampin’ with the other gal, so she has to accept whatever you tell her. Smartphone Texting is the multitasker’s DREAM, so long as you don’t type the wrong content to the wrong chick.

Another thing that makes it easy to have several girlfriends is that women like to front… A LOT! :D haha It’s always “I don’t want to do this!” or “I don’t want to do that!”, which, I suppose gives them some sort of feeling of control over a guy’s happiness.

In fact, what happens when you front is that one of the chicks in the other text boxes gets a surprise opportunity to hang out with The Kid. You can’t stop ME from enjoying my life. You can only stop YOURSELF! >:D

This basic concept is something that throws women off and makes them think they’re in exclusive relationships when they’re actually not. Especially in a town where there are so many more women than men, y’all have to realize that whatever you’re not doing for him, he can get some other chick to do, right now.

There’s no reason for him to argue about it. There’s no reason for him to try to convince you. You had “Right of first refusal” and you exercised your option. Now, he’s going to exercise HIS options.

To a lot of women, this appears to be an exclusive relationship where she put her foot down and he accepted it. In lots of cases, that’s exactly what’s going on. In other cases, she’s completely oblivious to the fact that she’s only one of the chicks on the roster.

The Roster

I’ve mentioned The Roster informally, but I never actually concretely defined it. This is mainly because I thought it was obvious and didn’t warrant its own post and discussion.

I sometimes refer to it as Voltron Technique, because instead of trying to find all the qualities you like in one woman, you add women that have one or more qualities that you like to the roster and then select whom you’re going to spend time with depending on what you’re craving at that particular time.

Qualities include (but are not restricted to):

1. Facial Attractiveness (but no body to speak of)
2. Hawt Body (but you don’t necessarily enjoy her grill)
3. Intelligence (but no sexuality or sensuality)
4. Common Sense
5. Deserving Personality (sometimes, it’s just a beautiful thing to be able to do something for a gal that deserves to have things done for her because she has such a stellar personality… although you’d never hit it in, like, a million years)
6. Professional In Your Field (it’s really fantastic to be able to talk shop with a chick. she can actually understand what you mean when you gripe about business issues and you can learn from each other’s situations and techniques)
7. Professional In Another Field (it’s very cool to hear about fields you’re interested in but never studied, so you don’t have a clue about them)
8. World Traveler (real life Travel Channel, sunnn! >:D)
9. DTF (no muss, no fuss)
10. Tough Chick (it’s annoying, being around wussy, non-athletic chicks all the time)
11. Serial Monogamist (fascinating study subjects. excellent blog material)
12. Not Aware That She’s A Ho (psychologically entertaining. excellent for mind-expansion, regarding the chemically-based effects of sexuality on women)
13. Athlete (inspires you to get in better shape)
14. Frigid (amazing to watch and wonder when she’s going to snap out of it and start living her life)
15. Safe (for whatever reason, this gal will NEVER press up on you, which means you never have to hit it or reject her and you can remain friends with her indefinitely)
16. Loved, Or At Least, Really, Really Liked (a chick where nothing at all has to happen when you spend time with her, you just really enjoy being around her and experiencing the feeling of loving her, regardless of whether it’s requited)

So what happens is, you build the roster, and then you select whatever you’re craving that particular day, like you would from the McDonald’s menu.

You don’t really care what happens, but you want Eye Candy?.. You know whom to contact.
You’re not pressed over how she looks, but you want to have an intelligent, coherent, worthwhile conversation? You know whom to contact.
You want to do something athletic, but not necessarily sensual? You know whom to contact
You want to learn something new or hear about a place you never intend to travel to in your entire lifetime? You know whom to contact.
You definitely want to hook up? You know whom to contact.

This is The Roster. Women enter and exit like a revolving door. You lose one pretty chick, you gain one with a body. One of the smart chicks achieves a boyfriend and becomes defunct for a few months until they break up, and one of the frigid chicks decides it’s time for her to get back in the physical game.

It’s pretty much like Fantasy Football. Trades are made.. Players go on and off the Injured Reserve list.. There’s no official team, like the Steelers or the Jets, but each participant has players from those teams on their roster, and it’s pot luck each week, what each player’s going to be worth to you.

Back At The Ranch…

Meanwhile… Women either understand that they’re only one of the gals on the roster or they don’t.

This is often the guy’s “fault”, because it’s easier to get women to be functionally useful if you convince them they’re the only one you’re seeing / dating / messing with. There’s no reason to inform women that they’re one of like SIX chicks you might spend time with on any given day, unless, of course, you’re willing to completely sabotage your own sexual progress with them.

As you can tell from the list, there are quite a few types of females that fall into this category, such as you think she’s intelligent, but you’re not interested in hooking up with her… or maybe that you ARE interested in hooking up with her, but your business relationship is more important.

This is, in my opinion, the worst problem for women that don’t know they’re on a roster. They’re looking forward to progress in their relationships, but there’s no actual way for them to advance up the pyramid or totem pole.

Let’s say a guy knows a gal that has a PhD and speaks 5 languages. >:D

Regardless of how smart YOU THINK you are, if he wants to spend time with a smart chick, it’s NOT going to be YOU! o_O

More importantly.. If he wants to HAVE KIDS with a smart chick, it’s not going to be you.

Let’s say a guy knows a gal that always wants to have sex with him or strip for him or turn him on in some fashion, and you’re still rockin’ that old-school, holding out, sex embargo, “I’m not that type of girl” bullshit….. You’re through. Finished. The only time he’s gonna kick it with you is when he feels like spending time chipping away at a stone instead of getting straight to the good part.

Let’s say a guy knows a gal that grew up taking care of her younger sisters and he knows damned well she’s really good with kids and a kind, compassionate person. If you’re FOYINE AS HELL, but happen to be A SELFISH JERK who he really doesn’t think is fit to be a mother, you’re through….. He’ll sport you on his arm so all his friends can compliment him on the chick he’s screwing, but if it ever gets down to brass tacks and he decides he wants to have a family, you’re not the one.

Bait & Switch

Another insanely-typical situation is women that try to do the bait & switch on dudes. They try to get a leg up (hahaha pun intended!) by having sex with dudes off the jump and then wonder how they can parlay that into “an actual relationship”. In fact, IT IS an actual relationship. That’s your relationship, that he likes ******* you.

\o/

Why in the world would a guy go from a relationship that’s 100% action to wasting time taking you to dinner or the movies or out for drinks or anything that didn’t involve immediate sex?

Do you do overtime at work for free?… Nope! haha When that whistle blows, you’re outta here like Belvedere. Why would you expect dude to take you out on dates when the only reason to take you out is to get you back inside so he can hook up with you?

This is a tough enough transition to make with “single” guys that don’t have any other girls at all. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to make when he already HAS girls to go to dinner with. He already HAS girls that look good on his arm. He already HAS girls he’s thinking about marrying. He probably already has girls to have sex with, but felt like adding more, and that’s where you came in.

So don’t be surprised that every time he gets in contact with you, it’s to set up sex or talk about sex. That’s why you were hired. That’s your position on The Roster. If he didn’t feel like hooking up with you, he wouldn’t be speaking to you at all.

Girlfriends, Fiancees & Wives

The same principle applies to upgrading your relationship to a higher-status title.

Just because some dude tells you you’re in the running to become Mrs. Dude doesn’t mean you’re going to win the race. It doesn’t even mean you’re IN the race, or anywhere near the front of the pack.

If the hammer dropped TODAY, and he was forced to make a decision, you MIGHT COULD get dumped for some woman you never heard of before. She was most likely on the roster before you were. If not, she entered at a higher level than you did when it comes to decision-making about exclusive relationships… You have a nice ass, she makes $200,000/year, you lose.

This is one of the reasons why there’s often hemming & hawing when you bring up the girlfriend, fiancee, wife conversation.. When you want to “make it official”.. When you want him to announce to his friends that you’re his girlfriend. When you want him to introduce you to his parents. When you want him to let you go out with him and his best friends…

A lot of times, that’s not going to work, because his friends have already met his PhD chick. His parents have already met his “I might marry this woman” chick(s). He can’t tell you you didn’t make the grade, because then you’ll stop giving it up, so there won’t be any point in spending time with you at all. It’s in his best interest to string you along until he makes a decision about selecting one woman or decides he’s willing to release you by telling you where you really stand.

Also.. It’s not intelligent for women to assume that a guy y’all are dating intends to EVER make a decision between all of his girlfriends. It’s not a “given”. He might TELL YOU he’s looking for a wife, so he can get his ‘foot in the door’, but that doesn’t mean that a) he’s ACTUALLY interested in only having one woman, or b) that he thinks that YOU might actually qualify for the position.

As many women are starving to get married, you have to be suspicious of guys that don’t go off the market immediately, yet claim that they’re interested in marriage. What are they waiting for? o_O

What is it about YOU that makes them think you might be “The One”?

This is why you need to know whether you’re on The Roster or not. If you’re looking to land an exclusive relationship with a guy, you need to know what your competition’s bringing to the table.

Often, a guy’s friends have a better grasp of what your chances are than you do. They’re not going to TELL YOU, because of Guy Code, but believe me, they know.

While you’re busy having marriage fantasies, they’re like “She’s less sophisticated than this other chick he brought around. She’s not as attractive as that chick he met last week. She’s not all over him like that drunk girl at the party. Her ass isn’t as sweet as that Puerto Rican chick he brought to the park…”

This is one of the reasons that guys are paranoid to bring girls around their friends. It has more to do with what their friends know about the real deal than being embarrassed to show off the chick to them.

Sometimes, you have cutthroats that will throw you under the bus to try to get the rap to your girl, giving up information about other girls you brought around… no good. :D

Sometimes, you have friends that can’t hold their liquor and they end up blabbing all your personal information in the street and accidentally informing the chick of what time it really is.

What To Do?

The first thing you need to do is figure out whether you’re on a roster or not. The second thing is to figure out where you stand, amongst the other women. Third, you need to determine whether you can overcome the awesome forces that oppose your efforts to reach The Dragon’s Lair.

Once you determine all of that, you can decide to remain in the game or bounce.

The obvious problem is how to possibly figure it out… You can’t do it unless he’s willing to communicate honestly & authentically with you…. Of course… Being that you’re already in “a relationship” with him, you assume he’s been communicating authentically with you from the beginning, because if he wasn’t, you can’t trust anything he’s said to you this entire time. You can’t trust that he’s planning to get married. You can’t trust that he’s considering to get married TO YOU. You can’t trust that you’re the only gal he’s dating or having sex with.

This is why I always advocate dating friends of friends. Hopefully, you can count on people you know to give you an accurate assessment of how a guy conducts himself around women. Also, he knows that if he screws up, his entire social circle’s going to hear about it, so he has more incentive to treat you properly if he didn’t naturally feel like doing that to begin with.

The other thing you can do is always strive to be on top of your game. The cream rises to the top. If you’re not sure you’re the ONLY woman he’s dating, make sure you’re THE BEST woman he’s dating, Capisce? >:D

Instead, women typically go in the other direction and once they find out they’re not the only one, they make themselves LESS USEFUL instead of MORE USEFUL and slide right down the totem pole, off the bottom.

If you think you’re not in a competition, you’re wrong.

If you think you shouldn’t *BE* in a competition, you shouldn’t be dating in the first place.
–
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I’m not a fan of labeling relationships because the label doesn’t indicate or describe the functionality of the relationship. Similarly, the LACK of a label doesn’t indicate a lack of functionality between individuals. Therefore, the label itself is almost entirely useless.

I was watching this movie the other day, and this guy’s trying to get to know this new chick. He explains something about himself to her and she says “Oh.. You’re one of those [X] guys”. His response is “I don’t really, uh, subscribe to any label”.

When I heard that, I realized that that’s what I should have been saying all along. I mean, I’ve BEEN saying that forever, but I haven’t stressed it enough, since I’ve been attempting to inform the average Joe/Josephine about what my life is like. It’s just not as easy as I thought it would be. Things that make perfect sense to me don’t make sense to other people. Things that work for me don’t work for other people. I’ve attempted to explain something that I’ve now decided I just can’t explain. I just have to be thankful for the situation and keep it movin’. :D

Labels

Labels are only as relevant as the people that are willing to adhere to them.. meaning that basically, they’re completely useless.

Let’s examine the term “Girlfriend”, which, to me, means “The chick you’re most likely to have sex with today”. What does that term define, really? What does it rule IN, and what does it rule OUT? Nothing.

Every single day, you can read about guys that are really nice to their girlfriends and guys that are really horrible towards them. That means that the label “Girlfriend” doesn’t come automatically equipped with decent behavior from the boyfriend. What’s THAT worth? There are guys that are faithful to their girlfriends and guys that have several girlfriends at the same time.. The point being that applying a label to a situation doesn’t have any bearing on what actually happens between those two (or more) people.

Polyamory

In my attempt to describe my non-average life to the average person, I’ve described myself as polyamorous in the past. At this point, I realize that the term has been co-opted to stand for a particular segment of society that engages in regular “relationships” with multiple people, simultaneously. That’s completely not what I meant or subscribe to. It’s kind of like how the original Punk Rockers played, loved and listened to Punk Rock because that’s how they felt and how they lived. Eventually, people started loving what the originals loved and produced and started emulating their heroes, especially dressing like them. Next thing you know, anyone who dresses the same way is considered a Punk Rocker, regardless of whether they ROCK or not. :/ Anyone who styles their hair a certain way is considered “Emo”. It’s a haircut, people.. a haircut. It’s absolutely meaningless.

The strict breakdown of the term Polyamory is from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]. All it actually means is to love many people. Period. Unfortunately, somehow, “relationships” became equated with loving someone, which is absolutely retarded. There are lots of people in relationships that don’t love each other and lots of people that love each other that aren’t in relationships with each other. Love is a feeling. Some would argue that it’s a chemical reaction. You feel it or you don’t. You feel it for nobody, one person or many people. You feel it for one person at a time or many people simultaneously.

So, this very basic and understandable term has been co-opted to mean people that are in several simultaneous open relationships. I realized this when I saw a show about it recently. This chick was dating this chick that was dating a dude. In order to explain this mess, I’ll label the original couple [A]. Chick[A] was dating Dude[A] and then Chick[A] started dating Chick[B]. Meanwhile, Chick[B] was NOT dating Dude[A], so it looked like this:

     Chick[B]<->Chick[A]<->Dude[A]

What woke me up was when Chick[B] decided that she wanted to go out with Dude[B]. Instead of doing what she wanted to do, because it’s her life.. she decided to consult with Chick[A] as far as WHAT. SHE. THOUGHT. about Chick[B] potentially dating Dude[B]. This is when I did at least a triple-take and was like “um.. This is retarded. How are you going to ASK anyone that’s not your parents whether you can go out with someone you like or not?”. This is in fact LESS FREE than a regular “relationship”, because NOW, you have not ONE but TWO people that might veto your involvement with someone that you’re naturally attracted to.

Cost of Living

Unfortunately, this is the price you have to pay to be involved in so-called “deviant lifestyles”. The pool of people that you’re sexually compatible with is a rather small subset of the general population. Your choices are to get down with whatever rules the other person lays down for being involved with them or not to be involved with them at all. They know what they want and what they don’t. If you can’t get down with the program, you’re useless to them anyway, so there’s no point in being involved with you past friendship.. IF that.

So Chick[B] had a sit-down with Chick[A] and basically asked her permission to go out on a date with Dude[B]. Chick[A] looked actually hurt about it. I suppose some people like to feel like they’re so special that they can have multiple GFs/BFs and all of their SOs are only interested in them. haha Right! :D .. So Chick[A] sanctioned the date between Chick[B] and Dude[B] *IF* Dude[B] was brought to the crib to meet Chick[A] before the date! HAHAHAHA Incredible.

Anyway, you get the picture. This situation was a complete mess. It’s indicative, however, of what labels get you. Once you subscribe to a label, people treat you as if that label means something, when it actually means nothing. In actual fact, Chick[B] could have dated or messed with Dude[B] anytime she wanted to, and it’s none of Chick[A]‘s business at all. The only reason any of this happened is that Chick[B] bought into Chick[A]‘s game of “I own several people”, when in fact, Chick[A] owns ZERO people… Lincoln freed the slaves.

Viewing the situation from Chick[A]‘s point of view, you only have as much power as other people give you. If someone decides to opt-out of your lifestyle, you’re short. There’s nothing you can do about it. They’re just not interested, so you’re left with your remaining roster of GFs/BFs. That’s the way it works.. People come and go. Society in general subscribes to “one guy, one girl”. If that’s not what you’re offering, it’s a tough row to hoe. It’s not for the faint of heart. Some people catch feelings about stuff like this, which I think is really funny/pathetic. It’s all in the game. If you’re not offering what someone’s brainwashed to want for themselves, they’re going to eventually select someone that’s at least willing to CLAIM to want to be involved in the type of relationship they’re looking for.

Reality

I don’t know what happened in that situation because it was too boring to continue watching. I figure that at some point, Chick[B] would have figured out that it’s her life and it’s the only one she’s ever going to have, so she may as well do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. It’s not going to serve her in the future if she declines to mess with Dude[B] because Chick[A] caught feelin’s about it.

The fact of the matter is that people like what they like, feel what they feel and do what they do. It’s really not any more complicated than that. There’s no label that can actually describe one person’s relationship to another person. Every relationship is unique because it involves two unique individuals. Regardless of whether someone dresses like a Punk Rock or cuts their hair in an Emo style, you can’t expect them to act or react in an uniform fashion with everyone else that tries to look or act like them.

Unfortunately, without the trial & error of becoming intimately involved with A LOT OF PEOPLE, this ‘trend of uniqueness’ isn’t going to be apparent. According to the media, there are NORMAL PEOPLE and then everyone else. As long as you subscribe to what they’re telling you everyone else subscribes to, you’re seen as NORMAL as well, and you get to stay in the game. Once you deviate from that, people start murmuring on the back-channel unless you’re a celebrity, in which case they murmur in the tabloids.

Do you like to screw chicks other than your wife? Well then.. You’re a sex addict, aren’t you? :D .. Of course you are. You should be in rehab.

Did you “cheat” on a chick that’s considered one of the most beautiful and sought-after women in the world? There must be something WRONG with you, then! :D Make sure your publicist apologizes for you and get better at doing your ‘dirt’ on the sneaks.

Did you spend over $50,000 on prostitutes from just ONE madam? hahaha REHAB!!! You’re SICK! :D .. I hope you get to say “Hello” to the thousands upon thousands of guys that should be in rehab WITH YOU for spending thousands of dollars each year buying drinks for girls they’re not even guaranteed to have sex with! :D

Did you spend $4,000 hiring JUST ONE PROSTITUTE and importing her from one state to another, even though you’re known for busting up prostitution rings? :D ……

Do you like to figure out fancy things to do with cigars and female interns during telephone business meetings? :D … Which reminds me. I believe I’m going to need an intern soon.

I mean, seriously.. The list goes on forever and ever of people that got caught doing what they hid FROM YOU so that they could appear “normal”. Up until the time these people were found out, everybody was like “Oh! Look at the shining examples of upstanding citizens! :D”.. Immediately afterwards, everybody goes “Oh! They’re Not NORMAL!!! :O”. Actually, yes.. Yes, they ARE normal. They’re all doing what makes them happy. This is what people do.

They like to hide, because a) it’s none of your business, and b) they don’t feel like being talked down about in the tabloids, but you can’t stop the bum rush. They’re going to do what they want to do with whomever they want to do it because that’s what makes their life worth living. If you don’t like it, you can go take a long walk on a short plank. Hit the bricks. Kick Rocks.

“Rubber”.. Meet “Road”

For the most part, people are willing to overlook aspects of a relationship that they don’t like in order to receive the benefits of being with that particular person. This works well with the current system because people like to advertise the positive points of being with them and deemphasize if not completely OMIT the negative points. That’s all well and good until someone gets found out…

A chick might say that she’s completely down with giving a guy as much sex as he wants in order for him to be her boyfriend.. but omit the fact that she’s also willing to give it up to several guys in a bathroom stall while they videotape it, until the time she gets caught and needs to make up an excuse.

A politician might say he’s faithful to his wife, until the time he gets caught and then she has to do the Perp Walk with him while he pretends to act sorry for the cameras and read the statement that his publicist wrote about how badly he feels for his family and the people who elected him.

A guy might be lovey-dovey to his girlfriend, until the time she gets nosey in his business and he kicks her ass in a Lamborghini on Grammy night.

A chick might claim to be this 14-year-old boy’s teacher, until it turns out she’s also his girlfriend and she’s pregnant by him.

A guy might insist that he never had sex with That Woman, until his semen shows up on the dress she wore to work that day.

A married guy might go to jail for defrauding rich people, AND THEN a chick might write a book about how she’s been carrying on a 20-year affair with him behind his wife’s back… How come she didn’t write it BEFORE he became a pariah? :D

See what I mean? All these people have all the labels and none of them are worth JACK!.. NOTHING! Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife, Teacher, Student, Investor, Actor, Singer, Politician.. ALL completely useless when it comes to describing and/or defining the relationship between people. It all comes down to the character of the individuals involved.

This is why I don’t bother playing the label game with people. It’s meaningless and it’s a waste of my time and brain processing cycles.

I never ask people about their so-called “relationship status”, but I’ll listen if they feel like telling me about it. If they tell me about it, I accept it as a possibility, but not as truth. I’m totally disinterested in who people say they are and COMPLETELY INTERESTED in what they actually DO.

Also.. The examples I gave above are *only* the headlines that hit the papers / internet. This type of stuff goes on every. single. day. in average people’s lives and they sweep it under the rug so they can look “normal” to everyone else that’s putting up the exact same front.

Does this happen to everyone? Of course not. Does it happen to A LOT of people? Yup! Does it happen to a lot of people that DON’T KNOW it’s happening to them? Yup! :D

If you’re lucky, YOU’RE a nice person, you MEET a nice person that wants to be nice TO YOU and y’all live happily ever after. Sweet! More power to ya! :D

Hopefully, the other person’s idiosyncrasies stay under their hats.. If they happen to slip out, hopefully you can deal with them and still want to be in a relationship with them. If you’re really lucky, you’ll consider the revelations delightfully kinky and take your relationship in an entirely new direction! ;)

~ Bill Cammack

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Historically, I’ve only heard the question “Where is this relationship going?” or the statement “I don’t know where this relationship is going” from women that can’t get a handle on what the guys in their lives are going to do in the future. I’ve never heard a guy say this about his girlfriend, and I wonder if there’s a reason for that….

Personally speaking, my relationships to women aren’t “going” anywhere at all. We like each other or we don’t. We hang out together or we don’t. We’re messing with each other or we’re not. That’s about the extent of “progress”. Unless she has some kind of drastic personality change which makes her so interesting that I want to spend time with her over and over, to the exclusion of other chicks, it is what it is. We’re having fun, expressing interest, sexuality, sensuality and mutual admiration, it starts when it starts.. it ends when it ends.. we pick it up again if we pick it up. C’est la vie.

I find it best to state these things up front. For me, it’s way easier to meet a new chick that’s interested than to extricate myself from a relationship with some disillusioned chick. This isn’t normally the pattern, though…

Unfortunately, a lot of gals don’t actually become authentically useful until they believe your relationship IS “going somewhere”. Until you give them a title, like girlfriend or fiancee, they want to front on what they REALLY want to do with you. Guys know this, because this is an ancient female tactic, so what they do is FAKE being in a relationship with chicks so they can get them to give it up proppah.

All of a sudden, your girl is akkin’ right. All of a sudden, she’s being all she can be. That’s all well and good, except for when it gets down the line and she starts wondering when the relationship’s going to escalate… because… she’s gonna be with you FOREVER, right? :D Y’all are getting married and having kids, right? :D Guys are perfectly willing to let gals believe this up until the point where they’re pressed for the information about “Where is this relationship going?”.

In most cases, “this relationship” isn’t “going” ANYWHERE. It IS what it IS. The guy is perfectly content with how things are between you and isn’t thinking about adding titles that don’t have any bearing whatsoever on his personal satisfaction with you. Of course, this leads to another revolution of the cycle, because women figure this out and start holding out on sex and other benefits until they get some kind of action from the guy. She wants an engagement ring. She wants a date for the wedding. She wants to be actually married to you, etc etc etc.

The saying is “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”. For gals, this means to hold out on the milk in order to get the guy to buy the cow. For guys, this means don’t bother buying the cow, because you can get the milk and keep your wallet and freedom intact. This is also why a lot of women get cheated on, because they think the guy wants THEM when the guy wants SEX or some other thing you’re not providing. As soon as he gets what he wants from the next chick, you’re through.

I’ve always found it interesting that women are often clueless as to the state of their relationships. It’s like they don’t have enough information about their men or enough authentic communication with them to understand what’s currently going on, and that’s affecting their ability to attempt to predict the future. Without communication, you’re a back-seat driver. Go along for the ride or dive out of the car. The reason you don’t know where your relationship’s going is that you have ZERO say or control over where it’s going, and that’s the way YOU’VE allowed it to be.

Women seem to have a hard time reeling this situation back in. They get to a point where their curiosity about progression outweighs their ability to enjoy the ride from the back seat. The problem is, they don’t REALLY want the answer to their question, hahaha :D If they ask and he says “I have no intention of marrying you or having kids with you”, all of a sudden, she has to make the decision to remain in this relationship (which was ALWAYS this way, she’s just finding out NOW), or to bail out right now, and take her chances back out on the dating scene, now that she’s definitely older and potentially less attractive than she was when she started dating her soon-to-be ex.

Since neither situation is preferable, women are literally SCARED TO ASK, and keep going in these relationships that are never going to be different than they are right now. This is as good as it gets. Take it or leave it. Stay or bounce. It’s all in the game. Welcome to the real world, Neo.

Women are also pressurized by the progress of their girlfriends’ relationships. When your girl’s homegirls start getting married and having kids, WATCH OUT!!! :D HERE IT COMES!!! :D “What are we doing?” “Where is this going?” “Are we just wasting time together?” “Has this all been for NOTHING?” blah blah blah blah blah…

A typical defensive tactic for guys in this situation is to put the blame on the gal for the “breakdown” of the relationship. It’s pretty crafty, actually, haha… When she starts asking about relationship progression, the guy acts like all of a sudden, she’s given him all these things to think about that he can’t handle. This means that he needs to think about these “deep” questions that she’s asked him, which means what????? :D That’s right…. “I need some space”. “I need time to think about what you said”. “I need to figure out what I really want”. “It’s not you… it’s me”. “I don’t know if I’m ready to commit”… If what he’s saying is true, he wasn’t thinking about having a future with you in the first place. Either way, what it means is that you’ve just been demoted from exclusive girlfriend to “friend”.

There’s nothing you can say about it either, because YOU’RE the one that asked him all these questions that he’s admitting he has no answer for at this point in time. YOU’RE the one that introduced mental turmoil. You’re saying you aren’t satisfied with how the relationship currently is or that you want some sort of statement from him indicating that things will ever be different, and he can’t (or won’t) provide that, so the relationship necessarily has to stall until he can “figure it out”. Meanwhile, “figuring it out” often involves dating other women to be “sure that you’re the one”… Yeah. Right. :D

So this is why women are afraid to ask about the status of their relationships. They don’t want it to backfire on them, where they inadvertently end things instead of moving them towards the next level. At the same time, they don’t want to continue indefinitely in a relationship that might not end up with them getting titles, marriages, kids…. So it’s really a ‘lesser of the evils’ situation.

Meanwhile, it’s pretty simple for guys. You either have no girls, one girl or several girls. You’re having a good time or you’re not, and you’ll have a good time tomorrow or you won’t.. with the same gal or a different one. You’re messing with a particular chick or you’re not. You’re friends with a particular chick or you’re not. It’s pretty obvious whether she wants to be in a relationship with you or just hang out with you, and I think “Where is this relationship going?” rarely crosses our minds….. if EVER.

~Bill

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