I’m not a fan of labeling relationships because the label doesn’t indicate or describe the functionality of the relationship. Similarly, the LACK of a label doesn’t indicate a lack of functionality between individuals. Therefore, the label itself is almost entirely useless.

I was watching this movie the other day, and this guy’s trying to get to know this new chick. He explains something about himself to her and she says “Oh.. You’re one of those [X] guys”. His response is “I don’t really, uh, subscribe to any label”.

When I heard that, I realized that that’s what I should have been saying all along. I mean, I’ve BEEN saying that forever, but I haven’t stressed it enough, since I’ve been attempting to inform the average Joe/Josephine about what my life is like. It’s just not as easy as I thought it would be. Things that make perfect sense to me don’t make sense to other people. Things that work for me don’t work for other people. I’ve attempted to explain something that I’ve now decided I just can’t explain. I just have to be thankful for the situation and keep it movin’. :D

Labels

Labels are only as relevant as the people that are willing to adhere to them.. meaning that basically, they’re completely useless.

Let’s examine the term “Girlfriend”, which, to me, means “The chick you’re most likely to have sex with today”. What does that term define, really? What does it rule IN, and what does it rule OUT? Nothing.

Every single day, you can read about guys that are really nice to their girlfriends and guys that are really horrible towards them. That means that the label “Girlfriend” doesn’t come automatically equipped with decent behavior from the boyfriend. What’s THAT worth? There are guys that are faithful to their girlfriends and guys that have several girlfriends at the same time… The point being that applying a label to a situation doesn’t have any bearing on what actually happens between those two (or more) people.

Polyamory

In my attempt to describe my non-average life to the average person, I’ve described myself as polyamorous in the past. At this point, I realize that the term has been co-opted to stand for a particular segment of society that engages in regular “relationships” with multiple people, simultaneously. That’s completely not what I meant or subscribe to. It’s kind of like how the original Punk Rockers played, loved and listened to Punk Rock because that’s how they felt and how they lived. Eventually, people started loving what the originals loved and produced and started emulating their heroes, especially dressing like them. Next thing you know, anyone who dresses the same way is considered a Punk Rocker, regardless of whether they ROCK or not. :/ Anyone who styles their hair a certain way is considered “Emo”. It’s a haircut, people… a haircut. It’s absolutely meaningless.

The strict breakdown of the term Polyamory is from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]. All it actually means is to love many people. Period. Unfortunately, somehow, “relationships” became equated with loving someone, which is absolutely retarded. There are lots of people in relationships that don’t love each other and lots of people that love each other that aren’t in relationships with each other. Love is a feeling. Some would argue that it’s a chemical reaction. You feel it or you don’t. You feel it for nobody, one person or many people. You feel it for one person at a time or many people simultaneously.

So, this very basic and understandable term has been co-opted to mean people that are in several simultaneous open relationships. I realized this when I saw a show about it recently. This chick was dating this chick that was dating a dude. In order to explain this mess, I’ll label the original couple [A]. Chick[A] was dating Dude[A] and then Chick[A] started dating Chick[B]. Meanwhile, Chick[B] was NOT dating Dude[A], so it looked like this:

     Chick[B]<->Chick[A]<->Dude[A]

What woke me up was when Chick[B] decided that she wanted to go out with Dude[B]. Instead of doing what she wanted to do, because it’s her life… she decided to consult with Chick[A] as far as WHAT. SHE. THOUGHT. about Chick[B] potentially dating Dude[B]. This is when I did at least a triple-take and was like “um… This is retarded. How are you going to ASK anyone that’s not your parents whether you can go out with someone you like or not?”. This is in fact LESS FREE than a regular “relationship”, because NOW, you have not ONE but TWO people that might veto your involvement with someone that you’re naturally attracted to.

Cost of Living

Unfortunately, this is the price you have to pay to be involved in so-called “deviant lifestyles”. The pool of people that you’re sexually compatible with is a rather small subset of the general population. Your choices are to get down with whatever rules the other person lays down for being involved with them or not to be involved with them at all. They know what they want and what they don’t. If you can’t get down with the program, you’re useless to them anyway, so there’s no point in being involved with you past friendship.. IF that.

So Chick[B] had a sit-down with Chick[A] and basically asked her permission to go out on a date with Dude[B]. Chick[A] looked actually hurt about it. I suppose some people like to feel like they’re so special that they can have multiple GFs/BFs and all of their SOs are only interested in them. haha Right! :D … So Chick[A] sanctioned the date between Chick[B] and Dude[B] *IF* Dude[B] was brought to the crib to meet Chick[A] before the date! HAHAHAHA Incredible.

Anyway, you get the picture. This situation was a complete mess. It’s indicative, however, of what labels get you. Once you subscribe to a label, people treat you as if that label means something, when it actually means nothing. In actual fact, Chick[B] could have dated or messed with Dude[B] anytime she wanted to, and it’s none of Chick[A]‘s business at all. The only reason any of this happened is that Chick[B] bought into Chick[A]‘s game of “I own several people”, when in fact, Chick[A] owns ZERO people…. Lincoln freed the slaves.

Viewing the situation from Chick[A]‘s point of view, you only have as much power as other people give you. If someone decides to opt-out of your lifestyle, you’re short. There’s nothing you can do about it. They’re just not interested, so you’re left with your remaining roster of GFs/BFs. That’s the way it works.. People come and go. Society in general subscribes to “one guy, one girl”. If that’s not what you’re offering, it’s a tough row to hoe. It’s not for the faint of heart. Some people catch feelings about stuff like this, which I think is really funny/pathetic. It’s all in the game. If you’re not offering what someone’s brainwashed to want for themselves, they’re going to eventually select someone that’s at least willing to CLAIM to want to be involved in the type of relationship they’re looking for.

Reality

I don’t know what happened in that situation because it was too boring to continue watching. I figure that at some point, Chick[B] would have figured out that it’s her life and it’s the only one she’s ever going to have, so she may as well do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. It’s not going to serve her in the future if she declines to mess with Dude[B] because Chick[A] caught feelin’s about it.

The fact of the matter is that people like what they like, feel what they feel and do what they do. It’s really not any more complicated than that. There’s no label that can actually describe one person’s relationship to another person. Every relationship is unique because it involves two unique individuals. Regardless of whether someone dresses like a Punk Rock or cuts their hair in an Emo style, you can’t expect them to act or react in an uniform fashion with everyone else that tries to look or act like them.

Unfortunately, without the trial & error of becoming intimately involved with A LOT OF PEOPLE, this ‘trend of uniqueness’ isn’t going to be apparent. According to the media, there are NORMAL PEOPLE and then everyone else. As long as you subscribe to what they’re telling you everyone else subscribes to, you’re seen as NORMAL as well, and you get to stay in the game. Once you deviate from that, people start murmuring on the back-channel unless you’re a celebrity, in which case they murmur in the tabloids.

Do you like to screw chicks other than your wife? Well then… You’re a sex addict, aren’t you? :D .. Of course you are. You should be in rehab.

Did you “cheat” on a chick that’s considered one of the most beautiful and sought-after women in the world? There must be something WRONG with you, then! :D Make sure your publicist apologizes for you and get better at doing your ‘dirt’ on the sneaks.

Did you spend over $50,000 on prostitutes from just ONE madam? hahaha REHAB!!! You’re SICK! :D … I hope you get to say “Hello” to the thousands upon thousands of guys that should be in rehab WITH YOU for spending thousands of dollars each year buying drinks for girls they’re not even guaranteed to have sex with! :D

Did you spend $4,000 hiring JUST ONE PROSTITUTE and importing her from one state to another, even though you’re known for busting up prostitution rings? :D ..…..

Do you like to figure out fancy things to do with cigars and female interns during telephone business meetings? :D …. Which reminds me. I believe I’m going to need an intern soon.

I mean, seriously.. The list goes on forever and ever of people that got caught doing what they hid FROM YOU so that they could appear “normal”. Up until the time these people were found out, everybody was like “Oh! Look at the shining examples of upstanding citizens! :D”.. Immediately afterwards, everybody goes “Oh! They’re Not NORMAL!!! :O”. Actually, yes… Yes, they ARE normal. They’re all doing what makes them happy. This is what people do.

They like to hide, because a) it’s none of your business, and b) they don’t feel like being talked down about in the tabloids, but you can’t stop the bum rush. They’re going to do what they want to do with whomever they want to do it because that’s what makes their life worth living. If you don’t like it, you can go take a long walk on a short plank. Hit the bricks. Kick Rocks.

“Rubber”.. Meet “Road”

For the most part, people are willing to overlook aspects of a relationship that they don’t like in order to receive the benefits of being with that particular person. This works well with the current system because people like to advertise the positive points of being with them and deemphasize if not completely OMIT the negative points. That’s all well and good until someone gets found out…

A chick might say that she’s completely down with giving a guy as much sex as he wants in order for him to be her boyfriend… but omit the fact that she’s also willing to give it up to several guys in a bathroom stall while they videotape it, until the time she gets caught and needs to make up an excuse.

A politician might say he’s faithful to his wife, until the time he gets caught and then she has to do the Perp Walk with him while he pretends to act sorry for the cameras and read the statement that his publicist wrote about how badly he feels for his family and the people who elected him.

A guy might be lovey-dovey to his girlfriend, until the time she gets nosey in his business and he kicks her ass in a Lamborghini on Grammy night.

A chick might claim to be this 14-year-old boy’s teacher, until it turns out she’s also his girlfriend and she’s pregnant by him.

A guy might insist that he never had sex with That Woman, until his semen shows up on the dress she wore to work that day.

A married guy might go to jail for defrauding rich people, AND THEN a chick might write a book about how she’s been carrying on a 20-year affair with him behind his wife’s back…. How come she didn’t write it BEFORE he became a pariah? :D

See what I mean? All these people have all the labels and none of them are worth JACK!… NOTHING! Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife, Teacher, Student, Investor, Actor, Singer, Politician.. ALL completely useless when it comes to describing and/or defining the relationship between people. It all comes down to the character of the individuals involved.

This is why I don’t bother playing the label game with people. It’s meaningless and it’s a waste of my time and brain processing cycles.

I never ask people about their so-called “relationship status”, but I’ll listen if they feel like telling me about it. If they tell me about it, I accept it as a possibility, but not as truth. I’m totally disinterested in who people say they are and COMPLETELY INTERESTED in what they actually DO.

Also.. The examples I gave above are *only* the headlines that hit the papers / internet. This type of stuff goes on every. single. day. in average people’s lives and they sweep it under the rug so they can look “normal” to everyone else that’s putting up the exact same front.

Does this happen to everyone? Of course not. Does it happen to A LOT of people? Yup! Does it happen to a lot of people that DON’T KNOW it’s happening to them? Yup! :D

If you’re lucky, YOU’RE a nice person, you MEET a nice person that wants to be nice TO YOU and y’all live happily ever after. Sweet! More power to ya! :D

Hopefully, the other person’s idiosyncrasies stay under their hats… If they happen to slip out, hopefully you can deal with them and still want to be in a relationship with them. If you’re really lucky, you’ll consider the revelations delightfully kinky and take your relationship in an entirely new direction! ;)

~ Bill Cammack

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Historically, I’ve only heard the question “Where is this relationship going?” or the statement “I don’t know where this relationship is going” from women that can’t get a handle on what the guys in their lives are going to do in the future. I’ve never heard a guy say this about his girlfriend, and I wonder if there’s a reason for that….

Personally speaking, my relationships to women aren’t “going” anywhere at all. We like each other or we don’t. We hang out together or we don’t. We’re messing with each other or we’re not. That’s about the extent of “progress”. Unless she has some kind of drastic personality change which makes her so interesting that I want to spend time with her over and over, to the exclusion of other chicks, it is what it is. We’re having fun, expressing interest, sexuality, sensuality and mutual admiration, it starts when it starts.. it ends when it ends.. we pick it up again if we pick it up. C’est la vie.

I find it best to state these things up front. For me, it’s way easier to meet a new chick that’s interested than to extricate myself from a relationship with some disillusioned chick. This isn’t normally the pattern, though…

Unfortunately, a lot of gals don’t actually become authentically useful until they believe your relationship IS “going somewhere”. Until you give them a title, like girlfriend or fiancee, they want to front on what they REALLY want to do with you. Guys know this, because this is an ancient female tactic, so what they do is FAKE being in a relationship with chicks so they can get them to give it up proppah.

All of a sudden, your girl is akkin’ right. All of a sudden, she’s being all she can be. That’s all well and good, except for when it gets down the line and she starts wondering when the relationship’s going to escalate… because… she’s gonna be with you FOREVER, right? :D Y’all are getting married and having kids, right? :D Guys are perfectly willing to let gals believe this up until the point where they’re pressed for the information about “Where is this relationship going?”.

In most cases, “this relationship” isn’t “going” ANYWHERE. It IS what it IS. The guy is perfectly content with how things are between you and isn’t thinking about adding titles that don’t have any bearing whatsoever on his personal satisfaction with you. Of course, this leads to another revolution of the cycle, because women figure this out and start holding out on sex and other benefits until they get some kind of action from the guy. She wants an engagement ring. She wants a date for the wedding. She wants to be actually married to you, etc etc etc.

The saying is “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”. For gals, this means to hold out on the milk in order to get the guy to buy the cow. For guys, this means don’t bother buying the cow, because you can get the milk and keep your wallet and freedom intact. This is also why a lot of women get cheated on, because they think the guy wants THEM when the guy wants SEX or some other thing you’re not providing. As soon as he gets what he wants from the next chick, you’re through.

I’ve always found it interesting that women are often clueless as to the state of their relationships. It’s like they don’t have enough information about their men or enough authentic communication with them to understand what’s currently going on, and that’s affecting their ability to attempt to predict the future. Without communication, you’re a back-seat driver. Go along for the ride or dive out of the car. The reason you don’t know where your relationship’s going is that you have ZERO say or control over where it’s going, and that’s the way YOU’VE allowed it to be.

Women seem to have a hard time reeling this situation back in. They get to a point where their curiosity about progression outweighs their ability to enjoy the ride from the back seat. The problem is, they don’t REALLY want the answer to their question, hahaha :D If they ask and he says “I have no intention of marrying you or having kids with you”, all of a sudden, she has to make the decision to remain in this relationship (which was ALWAYS this way, she’s just finding out NOW), or to bail out right now, and take her chances back out on the dating scene, now that she’s definitely older and potentially less attractive than she was when she started dating her soon-to-be ex.

Since neither situation is preferable, women are literally SCARED TO ASK, and keep going in these relationships that are never going to be different than they are right now. This is as good as it gets. Take it or leave it. Stay or bounce. It’s all in the game. Welcome to the real world, Neo.

Women are also pressurized by the progress of their girlfriends’ relationships. When your girl’s homegirls start getting married and having kids, WATCH OUT!!! :D HERE IT COMES!!! :D “What are we doing?” “Where is this going?” “Are we just wasting time together?” “Has this all been for NOTHING?” blah blah blah blah blah…

A typical defensive tactic for guys in this situation is to put the blame on the gal for the “breakdown” of the relationship. It’s pretty crafty, actually, haha… When she starts asking about relationship progression, the guy acts like all of a sudden, she’s given him all these things to think about that he can’t handle. This means that he needs to think about these “deep” questions that she’s asked him, which means what????? :D That’s right…. “I need some space”. “I need time to think about what you said”. “I need to figure out what I really want”. “It’s not you… it’s me”. “I don’t know if I’m ready to commit”… If what he’s saying is true, he wasn’t thinking about having a future with you in the first place. Either way, what it means is that you’ve just been demoted from exclusive girlfriend to “friend”.

There’s nothing you can say about it either, because YOU’RE the one that asked him all these questions that he’s admitting he has no answer for at this point in time. YOU’RE the one that introduced mental turmoil. You’re saying you aren’t satisfied with how the relationship currently is or that you want some sort of statement from him indicating that things will ever be different, and he can’t (or won’t) provide that, so the relationship necessarily has to stall until he can “figure it out”. Meanwhile, “figuring it out” often involves dating other women to be “sure that you’re the one”… Yeah. Right. :D

So this is why women are afraid to ask about the status of their relationships. They don’t want it to backfire on them, where they inadvertently end things instead of moving them towards the next level. At the same time, they don’t want to continue indefinitely in a relationship that might not end up with them getting titles, marriages, kids…. So it’s really a ‘lesser of the evils’ situation.

Meanwhile, it’s pretty simple for guys. You either have no girls, one girl or several girls. You’re having a good time or you’re not, and you’ll have a good time tomorrow or you won’t.. with the same gal or a different one. You’re messing with a particular chick or you’re not. You’re friends with a particular chick or you’re not. It’s pretty obvious whether she wants to be in a relationship with you or just hang out with you, and I think “Where is this relationship going?” rarely crosses our minds….. if EVER.

~Bill

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Besides smileys in text messages, bright colors, shiny objects and shoes (not necessarily in that order), women LOVE titles. :D If they mess with a guy long enough, they’re going to want to define their relationship with some kind of word, such as “girlfriend” or “fiancee” or “wife”, etc.

As ‘bad’ as it is for her when her guy won’t tell HER they’re together, it gets even worse in public. When they meet people, he either doesn’t introduce her at all or just says her first name, like any other common friend. The question’s always “Why won’t he tell anyone that we’re dating? :( “. So, ladies… Here are a few potential reasons why your guy won’t claim you as his girlfriend…..

1) Because you’re NOT

Let’s start from the start. :) The way the game works is the guy tries to get laid and you tell him what he’s going to have to trade you for the sex. In some cases, that’s a relationship. A guy has two choices… nod, and go along with whatever you said and get some… or refuse to say he’s working towards a relationship with you and get nothing. Odds are that he’s going to say some variation of “we’re dating” in order to get you to lay down and do the right thing. What this MEANS, however… is

nothing.

Nothing at all. He might be “dating” six of y’all and none of y’all know about the others. So what happens is, while you’re waiting for him to give you a title, he’s having his cake and eating it too. This is why he looks all surprised and caught off guard when you say “Where are we going?” or “What are we to each other?”. He’s scrambling to think of something to say other than “You’re one of the chicks I enjoy having sex with”.

2) He already HAS a wife or girlfriend

This SEEMS to be the same as #1, but it’s worse. :) If you’re one of several chicks that he’s “seeing” ;) , you still have a percentage chance of being the cream that rises to the top. If he already has a woman in the top slot that he never told you about, you can forget about picket fences and two-car garages. If you think this might describe YOUR relationship, go read “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”.

3) Because he doesn’t have to

How do they say… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”… or was that “Why buy the chicken when you can get the eggs for free?”… Anyway… You get the picture. :) If he’s already tapping that, you have ZERO leverage to barter for a promotion. If you can figure out how HE’S going to benefit by calling you his girlfriend, then go for it! :D

Of course, you could always call a sex boycott or embargo, except that’s when you might find out he has more chicks than you “in the pocket”.

4) He doesn’t want to scare off other chicks

Some women have an inability to stick to the facts. When you see a chick you like and ask them “Who’s that?”, they respond “Oh… She has a boyfriend”. Then they stand there as if they adequately responded to your query while you’re thinking “YOU #&(@&%*$ IDIOT! I DIDN’T *ASK* YOU THAT! :( “.

This situation affects guys in exactly the same way. If a guy’s homegirl has a friend who likes him and she asks about the guy, the response she’ll receive is “Oh… He has a girlfriend”, and his game goes down the drain.

In order to avoid this and maximize one’s options… It’s best not to claim any chicks at all so people can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and stick to the facts when a chick’s tryinna meet a brotha. :D

5) He’s embarrassed about how you look

Oftentimes… A guy’s standards for a gal he’ll have sex with are LOWER than his standards for a gal he’ll be SEEN with. The fact that he’ll tap that doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere with you in public… God Forbid being immortalized in pictures with you, EVAR. Even if he’s willing to go out in public with you, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to admit to the depth of your relationship.

Guys are competitive. We all want to be fly and have sex with the hottest chicks. Unfotunately, :D reality doesn’t always match up to fantasy, and a brothaz gotsta DOOOO what a brothaz gotsta DOO! :D Nobody wants to be labeled a “Chubby Chaser” or whatever they call guys that like “Butch” females or whatever other fetishes are going on these days. So while he might very well enjoy hooking up with you behind closed doors, he’s not too likely to admit it to the fellaz and ESPECIALLY not likely to claim you as his exclusive girl.

6) Because his boy already tapped that

For some reason that I’ll most likely NEVER understand, :) women just about universally refuse to believe that guys they have sex with don’t tell their close male friends.

Basically, ladies… You can assume a 16-hour window of privacy… assuming the guy fell asleep for a full 8 hours after he tapped that. The best you can hope for is “Yeah. I hit it”. The worst case… well the WORST case is videotape… but the worst case, normally, is a detailed description of WHERE he hit it (indoors, outdoors, on what furniture/appliance…), WHAT position you were in and HOW MUCH you enjoyed each position.

This being the case… if you insist on dating guys that know each other, they come to the table (dryer, washing machine…) knowing what they can get from you and how much they need to do to get it.

Another unfortunate residual from guys’ competitive nature is that in the case of a chick that several guys have messed with, YOU don’t want to be the one that gets sprung on “Community Property”. Some guys grow out of this and some guys are just glad to be with ANY chick that will give them some at the drop of a hat, so exceptions are made and guys endure the ridicule, funny looks and snide remarks.

For the most part, though… And I’ll NEVER understand this one either… Most guys like to feel that they got their girl “fresh out the box”. It’s part of the competition thing. They like to feel special as if they were the only ones their girl gave it up to. So, for this reason, if you’re currently dating a friend of a guy who already tapped that, and God Forbid… SEVERAL guys that already tapped that, you might have to forget about being claimed as an actual girlfriend and choose a more likely achievement, such as winning the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DatingGenius

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“Fear of Commitment” is a valid term which is way too often misapplied, leading to yet another way that women confuse themselves when it comes to understanding what men are thinking.

Due to the fault of this chick who will remain nameless, I ended up watching some reality television show about housewives in NYC. :/ Now, before you start laughing and snapping, :D This is why I know more about women than you do… Because I study them.

Anyway…

So I’m watching this show, and this chick asks this guy, her “boyfriend”, to say whether or not he wants her to move in with him ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! He was eating at the time, so he couldn’t immediately respond, but he starts looking at her like “ARE YOU CRAZY? DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO BRING THIS UP WITH THE CAMERAS AROUND? :O”. Priceless! So eventually, when he can speak, he says he wants to talk about it later. CLEARLY, this means “NOT WHEN THE CAMERAS ARE AROUND!”… So… of course… the chick asks him TWO MORE TIMES, gets shut down both times and next thing you know, due to the wonders of editing and time-lapse, she’s explaining to anyone who will listen about how she broke up with her “boyfriend”… the same guy that she claimed she wanted to have kids with within two years… tossed the entire relationship.

The ensuing commiseration and speculation between girlfriends is what got me thinking about “Fear of Commitment”. As I said, it’s a valid term, but it’s way too often applied to guys that are on a totally different wavelength. As an example, let’s look at Arachnophobia [fear of spiders... from Greek arachne (αράχνη), "spider" and phobia (φοβία), "fear"]. If someone sees a spider and steps on it, they could very well be accused of being arachnophobic. The fact of the matter may very well be that they’re not AFRAID of spiders at all…. They just don’t LIKE them and don’t want to be around them. “Phobia”, therefore, doesn’t apply to these people. It would be more accurate and useful to call them “Anti-Spider”. You know that they’re ‘against’ spiders, but you’re not making any judgements about the REASONS why.

Similarly, a lot of guys are accused of “Fear of Commitment”. I personally can’t count how many times those three words have been tossed at me in that exact order. :) I propose that we consider some additional concepts, such as “No Reason To Commit” and “You’ve Overvalued Yourself Relative To Other Women”.

“Fear of Commitment” assumes that Commitment is natural in the first place. I’ll get into the Alpha Male thing some other time, but basically, there are some guys that are in demand and have no reason AT ALL to select one female to Pair Bond with. These guys will exhibit the same symptoms as a guy who’s actually AFRAID of commitment. They won’t do it. They’re not afraid of anything… It’s just that you have an inflated concept of your worth in his eyes relative to other women.

This is why women have problems going from “best girlfriend” to girlfriend or fiancee or wife. They’re trying to elevate the status of their relationship past where their “boyfriend” actually sees it. In the case of the reality show (which, obviously was taped a long time ago, because I saw a rerun of an edited show, so for all I know, the chick and guy in question are married right now), the chick wanted to go from “girlfriend that sleeps at the dude’s house every single night but still has her own apartment” to “we’re living together”. This reminds me of what women pass down from generation to generation, which is “Why Buy the Cow When You Can Get the Milk for Free?”. Ladies…. There is NO POSSIBLE BENEFIT to a guy for letting you move in with him if he already has 100% access to you as-is. None.

This is what y’all need to focus on if you’re trying to upgrade your relationship… What is the benefit TO HIM of changing the status from “chick he’s seeing” to “girlfriend”? From “girlfriend” to “fiancee”? From “fiancee to wife”? What’s the benefit TO HIM of having kids with you or moving in with you? Why do you need to think about that? Because that’s what HE’S thinking about and that’s what HE’S going to base his decisions on about whether your relationship progresses in a positive or negative direction. Just because YOU think HE’S the one doesn’t mean HE thinks YOU’RE the one. You need to think about that, sooner rather than later.

An additional problem for the chick in the show is that her “biological clock was ticking”, meaning she was getting to the age where she’s desperate to have kids if she’s going to have any at all. This, obviously, is HER problem. This is like when you’re in high school and you don’t start your homework until 11pm when you’re already getting tired. It’s like knowing you have a test coming up on Friday and then cramming on Thursday night. Just like neither of those situations is the teacher’s problem, her “biological clock” isn’t her boyfriend’s problem. According to what she told her girlfriends, when he wouldn’t say that he’d be ready in a year or two (if ever) to have kids with her, she broke off the relationship. Typical. Only problem is, she should have thought about that sooner rather than later, because now, if she doesn’t reinstate her relationship to him, she has to start all over from square one and meet a new guy, get to know him, get him to like her AND get him to agree to have kids with her all within the exact same two year time span. :/

I’ll refer to this as an impulse buy, because this is the stage where it’s easy to get desperate females at discount rates. You’d be surprised how low women’s standards become when they’re scrambling to achieve something. It’s kind of like how guys are, all the time. :D

Speaking of opposites, attractive women could be accused of the same thing. Isn’t it “Fear of Commitment” when a chick has a guy that will take her out and buy her steak for lunch… then turns around and goes out with a different guy who’s willing to buy her lobster for dinner? Hmmmmmmm :D

Why should she choose one guy over the other if they’re both spending money on her? What’s her incentive to stop seeing all of her other guys? Why should she not get the multiple compliments, gifts, trips and bootie calls?

So, similar to how women to go out on dates with guys without having any intention of upgrading their relationship, guys do the same thing. Messing around or hooking up isn’t a ticket to “girlfriend” isn’t a ticket to “fiancee” isn’t a ticket to “wife” isn’t a ticket to “having kids with you”. So, instead of claiming that a guy’s afraid to commit to you, your energies would be better spent figuring out if you’re the kind of woman that might inspire him to commit in the first place.

DatingGenius

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