Bill Cammack » friend

GFF: Grenade-Free Foundation

Bill Cammack — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:22:57 +0000

According to the ‘Jersey Shore’ glossary, a Grenade is defined as:

1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend’s behalf. A wingman is required at all times to “dive on the grenade” to ensure your success in the bedroom.

Obviously, those two definitions have nothing to do with each other. I understand why whomever wrote that was confused. The Fellaz changed the description of a Grenade after a couple of episodes, which will throw people off that don’t know what the **** they’re talking about.

DUFFs

Generally, but not always, what they’re describing as a Grenade is actually a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). This is the war-chief that you see when you encounter a pack of females. She’s easily spotted as she’s looking suspiciously around and trying to keep a count of all her girlfriends and whether they’re talking to “creeps” or not.

The DUFF’s job is to go into action when she sees that one of her girls might be planning to give it up to a dude and cockblock him ASAP. She appears like The Great Gazoo to magically destroy your rap.

The reason the DUFF is so on-point is that nobody ever kicks it to her. This leads to excessive bitterness and the deep-seated desire to make sure that her homegirls get as little play as she does. The “D” stands for Designated, as in designated driver. The same way you send that one person to the party that’s not going to drink so they can safely drive the rest of the drunkards home at the end of the night, the DUFF is responsible for making sure none of her girls hook up past maybe the makeout stage.

The reason why the distinction needs to be made between the DUFF and a Grenade is that there are A. LOT. OF. FOYINE. GIRLS. THAT. COCKBLOCK. THEIR. ASSES. OFF!!!

Just because a gal’s good-looking doesn’t exclude her from being a Grenade. In fact, Attractive Grenades are worse than Busted Grenades, so definition #1 needs to be stricken from the record. Expecting only unattractive girls to attempt to defuse your rap is an amateur mindset.

Grenades

Because the Jersey Shore fellaz failed to make the distinction between DUFFs and Grenades, they’ve confused the uninformed public. For instance, this season, Mike mentions how he, Pauly & Vinny were in the hot tub with a bunch of chicks and then he splashed some water on his face and suddenly realized “We’ve got GRENADES, Man!!! :O”.

That comment didn’t make any sense… Grenades would have cockblocked their homegirls from getting in the hot tub to begin with. Meanwhile, the girls in the tub were throwing sex at the guys left and right. They were definitely DTF (Down To ****).

What Mike SHOULD have said was “When I splashed water on my face, I realized that we had brought home girls that I wouldn’t have admitted to anybody that I kicked it with, except it’s on videotape and broadcast worldwide on televison and the internet.”

The funny thing about statements like that is how Mike is continually surprised at the visual quality of girls he pulls when it’s been a running joke throughout the entire two seasons of Jersey Shore that he and Pauly will bring back anything they can to the house at the end of the night. If splashing water on his face made him realize what the girls HE brought home actually looked like, that’s his fault for removing his own Beer Goggles.

The Original Grenade

We met an actual Grenade in ‘Jersey Shore’ season 01. I believe this is where the confusion of the term came from.

The Fellaz were snapping on this girl for two different reasons which match up to the glossary definition. They found her to be visually unattractive, AND the entire time she was on screen, she was liable to cockblock Mike.

She actually had no reason to be at the house. Pauly didn’t want to hit it, so that meant he had to babysit her so his boy Mike could get laid.

The Jersey Shore guys call this typical wingman tactic “Falling on the Grenade”. Basically, you have to ruin your evening hanging out with some chick just to distract her. The benefit is that your boy gets to tag up on the actual target chick AND that you feel your boy would do the same thing for you if you met a girl you wanted to bring back to the hot tub and the only way she was coming over was if she brought her Grenade-ass girlfriend with her.

So.. Regardless of her looks, she had to be stopped from destroying Mike’s rap, so she was named “The Grenade”.

The GFF

The GFF is the Grenade-Free Foundation, which supports a Grenade-Free America. :D

That really doesn’t have anything to do with cockblockers. It actually has to do with the level of visual quality of the girls these guys pull from the club.

This season, Vinny said that Mike & Pauly would bring home stray dogs from the club if they couldn’t get anything else. Last season, Ronnie and his boys were snapping all over Mike & Pauly saying that nothing they brought home was anywhere near Sammi’s (housemate and Ronnie’s girlfriend) quality.

In their defense, the only girls that are going to show up on a television show are the ones that agree to sign the releases, so it’s entirely possible that MTV is only showing the Grenades the fellaz pull and never the hawt chicks because none of them agree to be shown.

So, the GFF is a state of mind, really… It’s one man’s resolve that if a chick isn’t what he considers to be an 8, 9, or 10 (rating her looks from 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive), he’s not bringing her home or trying to hook up with her.

The obvious problem with this is that guys would rather hook up with a 7, 6 or 5 than NOT HOOK UP with a better-looking female. It’s better to have mediocre-looking chicks in the hot tub than to get no rap at all from hawt girls.

Hunting

It’s all part of the game of Hunting.

When you hit the streets, you’re seeing what you can come up with for that night.

Due to circumstances or the environment, you might not even have access to a chick that’s better than a 6 the entire evening.

You might have access to 8′s or 9′s, but they’re not going for your rap style.. What then? \o/

It’s either hook up with the sub-par chicks that WANT to hook up with you or go home, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

So.. Unfortunately, The GFF doesn’t exist except in the hearts and minds of guys that are willing to adhere to the terms of the concept.

It’s a fun thing to say… Grenade-Free America!!!! :D but it’s not realistic. Vinny may or may not have hooked up with Snooki this season and he was obviously embarrassed about having slept in the same bed with her… That’s what happens. That’s how life goes.

It’s nice to claim that you only hook up with hawt chicks, but that only works for two sets of guys.. The guys that ACTUALLY only hook up with top-notch-looking women and the guys that successfully keep their exploits with sub-par chicks under the hat.

Neither one of those categories apply to the dudes on ‘Jersey Shore’. :D HAHAHA The only reason you need to declare a Grenade-Free America is that you have to stop YOURSELF from partaking in the Grenades.

Unfortunately.. Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much because at the end of the night, several Grenades in the hot tub trumps zero FOYINE girls in the hot tub and the GFF or GFA will remain a state of mind that guys aspire to but never actually achieve.

Sex Objects

Bill Cammack — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:50:04 +0000

Here’s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. :) … I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha

How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he’s thinking about it?

I’m not talking about in a business situation. I’m talking about in dating situations. For instance, as far as online dating… How many times have you heard women complain about providing full-body pics to potential suitors? Guys they’re already kicking it to and interested in dating.

First of all… If you’re not physically attractive… Why are you trying to be slick? :) If you EVER go out with him IRL, he’s going to see what your body looks like anyway. This is one of the reasons a lot of chicks get dumped after their first date. They go to these extreme lengths to hide what they look like, thinking they can get over when the time comes on the strength of their online sales pitch.

Fellaz… Has this ever happened to YOU? HAHAHA The old “Bait & Switch”? You know… How chicks like to use mega-ancient pictures of themselves as if they still look that way? :D How about the good old “Crop The Picture As Close Around Your Eyes As Possible” trick? :D These are all grand tactics for the ladies to get virtual raps, but as soon as he actually sees you, the jig is up!

Second… Women who *ARE* actually physically attractive hide as well. The goal there is to avoid guys who “just want them for their bodies” or selected them “for their looks and not their minds” etc etc… This is all well and good if you’re looking for a debate partner. The fact of the matter is that if you’re reading dating advice, you’re probably trying to pair-bond. The only reason for PBing is sex. Notice how women tend to throw the word “just” in front of “friends” to make “just friends”? All that means is that they’re claiming that they’re not having sex with the guy in question. The barrier between being friends with a chick and being her significant other is sex. Everything else is available to everyone else. When the relationship ends, the “other” loses his significance and returns to GenPop. This is known as Serial Monogamy.

Since you’re dating with the goal of hooking up with a guy as a boyfriend or whatever, and the only delineation between friend and boyfriend is sex, it’s really in your best interest to be as attractive to potential suitors as you can, ASAP. This assists you in two MAJOR components of your rap game:

1) GETTING a man… and then
2) KEEPING a man

Except for guys that have particular fetishes, NOBODY is looking for unattractive women. Nobody. When was the last time you heard someone go “Man! She’s REEEEEEALLY BUSTED! I think I’ll go meet her! :D”? That’s right. Never. How many business owners go to lengths to make their storefronts look shabby in the hopes of getting more customers? None. So why are you hiding your looks or trying to make yourself look corny in pictures? Why not put your best foot forward? Will you end up with more creeps and trolls? Yes you will. :) You will ALSO end up with more viable suitors so you can get out of the game faster and not have to deal with any of this after you PB.

I understand that there’s an issue that women have where guys don’t pay attention to their minds AT ALL, and they’re trying to narrow the field down to guys that would talk to them anyway, IF they actually were busted. It’s like those experiments they do when they dress up attractive chicks in these sumo-wrestler-body outfits and take them to the mall and film it. The chicks find it amazing how invisible they are, because they totally didn’t believe that their physical attractiveness was what was getting them attention.

Meanwhile, MSM sells women products all day, every day, so they can get in shape and fix their hair properly and have makeup on and eat the right things and wear the right clothes for their body-type, etc. If your looks are so important to you that you spend money to maintain and enhance them, why play yourself down when it comes to meeting someone that you’re planning and HOPING to have sex with?

Then again, :) Maybe you’re NOT planning or hoping to have sex with someone you meet through online dating. The newsflash for you is that that’s called a FRIEND, and you don’t have to date to get those. :D