Platonic Relationships

Here’s a fun video about why men and women can’t be “just friends”:

YouTube Link => youtu.be/T_lh5fR4DMA

Granted.. It’s easy to skew a video like this by asking 100 gals and 100 guys if they believe men and women can be “just friends” and then only airing the responses from the gals that say “Yes” and the guys that say “No”.

Regardless, I think the video points out something interesting about so-called “Platonic Relationships”.

merriam-webster.com/dictionary/platonic
2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex

If you Google “Platonic Relationships” you don’t get anything.. Other than probably this article, once I post it.

I was surprised by this, because as much as chicks yammer about platonic relationships, I would have thought there would be a plethora of articles and definitions of this situation that they believe exists.

Two Decisions, Not One

The problem that I have with the concept of platonic relationships is that relationships are defined by the individual, not by the couple.

They seem to be defined by the couple, because one person says to the other person “Let’s go steady” or “Will you wear my ring” or some other nonsense that indicates that they intend to exclusively date the other person, and then he or she agrees to enter this verbal agreement that they’re now “together” or “an item”.

In fact, that’s not ONE agreement, but rather TWO agreements by TWO individuals.

Both people have verbally agreed to be exclusive with each other (whatever that means to each one of them). If one of them decides they’re no longer exclusive, they don’t require the consent of the other person to hook up with someone else.

If it had been an agreement which required both people to begin it, it would have also required both people to end it. Capisce? :D

In the video.. Whether it was doctored or not.. What you saw was a bunch of females saying they believed that men and women can be “just friends” and a bunch of males saying Hellz Naw! :D

Lindsey Chen and I discussed the basics of this situation back in 2008, in “Does He Want To Be Friends?”.

Basically, there are three situations where a guy is actually “Just Friends” with a gal.

1. He doesn’t find her sexually attractive
2. He shares things in common with her that make him friends with her the same way he would be friends with a guy
3. He has a better use for her that will no longer be available to him if he hits it.. Money, Food, Her better-looking girlfriends and female family members, Whatever..

The first one is the main one. If a guy doesn’t wanna tap that, we can be friends forever. :D

However.. If he’s not physically/sexually attracted to her, she actually has to have something about her personality or what she does in her daily life that’s of interest to him if he’s going to spend time with her at all. She no longer gets the chick modifier and will be scrutinized on the same level as if he were choosing a male friend to spend time with.

Of course, this is a much higher standard. This is why you see a lot of tomboys with a lot of male friends. The women are actually considered “one of the fellaz” because of how they carry themselves and what they’re bringing to the table, personality-wise. You don’t see a lot of girly-girls with a bunch of male friends, because nobody’s actually trying to have them hanging around unless we’re scheming on them. >:D

#3 is self-explanatory.. What’s the point of hooking up with ONE chick when you can become “Just Friends” with her and gain access to all of her homegirls? >:D

Also.. What’s the point of hooking up with a chick that’s a client of yours and take the chance that she’ll get all emotional about nothing and jack up your cash flow, when you could remain in a “platonic relationship” with her and use all the extra money you get to court other women? >:D

That’s not what we saw in the video. What we saw was women saying men and women CAN be “just friends” and men saying men and women CAN NOT be “just friends”.

What percentage of that population do you think overlaps?.. How many women are currently in platonic relationships with men that aren’t in platonic relationships with them? o_O

Same Word, Different Meaning

Women define “platonic relationships” as “We don’t have sex with each other”.

Men define “platonic relationships” as “I haven’t hit it yet”.

You see the problem here? :) The only way the relationship is *ACTUALLY* platonic is if BOTH PEOPLE agree that they don’t want to have sex with each other, but women think that just because THEY aren’t thinking about hooking up with the guy, he isn’t thinking about hooking up with them either.

This is why it’s so funny in the video when dude finally asks the chicks “Do you think XYZ dude would hit it if you let him?” and then they look all confused, because this is the first time they’re even thinking about it.

It’s funny because the guy has been thinking about having sex with her every time he was around her, but he knew that he needed to play the “friend” role to stay in the pocket until he could get on.

So.. How is that relationship actually platonic, when all it takes is for the chick to get horny one time, or mad at her boyfriend, or drunk, and then all of a sudden, she wants to give her “friend” some, and he’s down to hit it? \o/

It isn’t.

Ladies.. Here’s how you test whether you’re in a platonic relationship or not:

1. Ask him “Would you have sex with me?”
2. Ask him “Why not?”

Of course, this is purely hypothetical. :D

No guy in his right mind is going to admit to you that he’d hit it, and if he wouldn’t, he’s not going to tell you the truth about WHY he wouldn’t.

However.. In theory.. That is how you would find out.

Theoretically, He’d either respond “Yeah.. You could get it”, or some variation of “You don’t have enough ass to turn me on” or “Ain’t that type-a party” or “I value you for your mind, not your body” or “Aren’t you kind of nerdy to be having sex?” or something that would describe the reasons why he hasn’t hit it yet, and whether or not he’s planning to get with you in the future.

Other than that, you are *NOT* in a platonic relationship if the dude’s actually attracted to you, because the first time you spread your legs, he’s goin’ in. >:D

2 minutes into the video, this chick says “That was one instance”, hahaha What about that, Ladies? :D

What happens after you give your “just friend” some one time? Are you STILL in a “platonic” relationship? o_O

See what I mean? It’s all bogus, like how chicks wear white wedding gowns when they know they’ve been giving it up ever since dude bought them the engagement ring.

Everybody knows he hit it before the honeymoon.. Took it for a test drive or a thousand…

This just makes the situation worse, when women that know damned well that they’re *NOT* in platonic relationships with dudes play it off like they are so they don’t get stigmatized as a slut, which is a different ridiculous topic…

So, No.. Unless a dude HONESTLY doesn’t want to have sex with a chick, he isn’t in a platonic relationship with her. Period.

Even in the situations where he forgoes acting on natural his impulses to gain other things from her, that’s not removing his desire to hit it. He’s just trading that in for a goal that he perceives to be more valuable, such as more girls or more money.

Can Men & Women Be Friends?

Having said all that.. My friend Shauna mentioned that the video doesnt really explicitly state why men and women can’t be friends.

She’s right about that.

There are actually two different definitions of “Friends” that are going around. One of them means “I like this person and enjoy spending time with them”, and the other one means “I would not have sex with this person under any circumstances”.

When women say “He’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I haven’t had sex with him and will never have sex with him between this moment right now and when I finally croak”.

When men say “She’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I’ll hit it whenever she’s in the mood, but until that time, she’s nice to look at, so I’ll keep chillin’ with her”.

So.. While it’s absolutely true that there are LOTS of actual and honest friendships between men and women, that only means that they mutually enjoy each other’s company.. Not that dude wouldn’t hook up with her.

Whether that particular relationship is platonic or not depends on how BOTH PEOPLE feel about hooking up with each other, *NOT* that they haven’t had sex YET and that every time she defines their relationship as platonic to other people, he readily agrees, knowing that if he doesn’t, the jig will be up, and all this time he’s spent pretending to be her friend will have been wasted. >:D
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Now.. Before you start crying about the title, haha “Girls don’t have friends that are guys” is a direct quote from Vinny on Jersey Shore, from when Sammi was trying to convince Ronnie that this other guy she invited to come see her at a club was a “friend” of hers.

I already talked about that situation in “We’re Just Friends!!!”, so go check that out if you want the background details from the episode. Right now, I want to speak generally about people who pretend to be “friends” with other people.

Friends

1. Men pretend to be friends with women so they can have sex with them.
2. Women pretend to be friends with men so they can claim they’re not having sex with them.

Are there males and females that actually ARE friends?
Absolutely.

They’re friends for the same reason that anybody else is friendly towards each other… they have something in common. They enjoy the same music, they both like building computers from individual parts, they play the same sports, have similar tastes in women.. whatever.

However.. There are lots of guys that pretend to be friends with a gal because they know that’s the only way they’re going to be able to stay in the pocket long enough to hook up with her.

It’s like rap game 101.. It’s like the first smooth trick the cavemen learned or something. If you step to a female and say “You look good, I feel like tappin’ that”, she’s going to go “EEW!!! HE ONLY WANTS ME FOR MY BODY! :(“.. which is true.. and then she proceeds to give you a hard time in getting it.

Meanwhile, if you would have said “Pleasant weather we’re having today! :D”, you’ll be able to get on much faster, because even though nothing at all is different from your point of view, and you only spoke to her because you were hoping to have sex with her as soon as possible after the first second you saw her, she’s not actively mentally defending against giving you what you want.

Cat?.. Meet Bag

Reality normally becomes apparent to women in a couple of ways.. First of all, when he finally decides that he’s never going to get to hook up with her and then he abruptly stops contacting her or responding to her calls, texts & emails, and second, when he decides that HE DOES have a chance to get on, and lets her know he’s physically attracted to her, in love with her, blah blah blah…

Both of these situations tend to catch women off guard because they actually BELIEVE that sexual attraction has nothing to do with their friendship with that particular guy. The best way I can describe it from the guy’s POV is that it feels like a psychological projection, where she goes “I’m not sexually attracted to you.. Therefore, you’re not sexually attracted to me, either”. It’s very, very strange. It’s almost funny, except it’s a dangerous way of thinking. The equivalent would be “I don’t believe that there are cars speeding on this highway, so the speeding cars won’t believe I’m walking across it”.

Another version is “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him, and he’s still talking to me, so he’s accepted that we’re not going to have sex, ever in life”. WRONG! He knew he was going to have to get around obstacles when he first saw you and decided he wanted to try to hook up with you, because that’s how the game goes. We come to get it. You give us a hard time about it. That’s how it works… That’s what we signed up for when we approached you and introduced ourselves…

It’s All In The Game

When I was around 14 years old, there was this chick I had a serious crush on in camp, and I finally decided to go meet her… Having no rap at all, I walked up to her and probably said “Hi. I’m Bill. What’s your name? :D”, and she didn’t say Jack-**** to me.

So I asked her a few more times, and she eventually said something that wasn’t a name.. I don’t remember what it was.. Let’s say she said “Football”. So I said something like “ok, Football. Nice to meet you” and she kept ignoring me.

I carried on that one-sided conversation with her for a while, and then the conversation was over. Every time I saw her after that, I had kind words for her, and always included her name. I can’t tell you what happened, because I didn’t have any technique at the time and I wasn’t doing anything that I figured would ever get me progress with her. All I can guess is that she eventually realized that all I wanted was to be nice to her, and at some point, I was passing by her and greeted her as “Football”, and she broke out laughing and told me what her name was. We became good friends after that, and remained relatively close to each other during the rest of my stay there.

The point being that boys go through this BS from the very beginning of when we start talking to girls. Girls are programmed to give us a hard time, and we naturally adapt to accept this and get around it. 101. This is why “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him” doesn’t have any effect on whether he’s attracted to her. That’s pretty much where we start every single hookup attempt.

What’s even less effective is “I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him”, because that’s not even explicitly denying sexual attraction… That’s saying that you might or might not give him some, but at this point in time, you have a reason why you’re not going to do that = He’s gonna stay in the pocket and ride it out to see what happens.

One of these excuses why you’re not planning to give him some is that you have a boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever. This is another non-factor to guys that are interested in you. This is why, when your relationship dissolves, all these guys that you thought were your “friends” suddenly profess their love and/or attraction to you and start offering you tha dilznick.

It’s not that they’re not your friends. They are. They’ll build computers with you and go see that 3D movie with you, but they’d also stick it in a split second if they thought you’d go for it.

You’re Not Slick

This is what guys know, and this is why Sammi’s excuse (which, of course, turned out to be a lie) wasn’t fooling anybody and caused Vinny to say “Girls don’t have friends that are guys”.

What he was saying is that Sammi was implying a platonic (2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex) relationship with the dude by calling him her “friend”, when everybody knows dude would have screwed her if she was down with it, and everybody knows that SAMMI KNOWS dude would have hit it, which is why she contacted him and invited him to come hang out with her at the club.

Whether she actually wanted to hook up with him or just use him to make Ronnie jealous is irrelevant. That dude was clearly *NOT* her [platonic]friend. If she had wanted a friend to spend time with her at a club, she should have invited a female.

As it turns out, after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie, she finally admitted that she’s made out with the dude in the past (which, she didn’t have a choice but to fess up, because dude described a specific instance where they hooked up IN DETAIL to her on the phone with Ronnie & Mike right there, hearing the entire conversation), but her new excuse was that it was before she had been dating Ronnie.

Unfortunately, that makes you look WORSE, and not better. :) As soon as you break up with your boyfriend of a year or so, you tell a guy you used to mess with to come see you at the club? hahaha Nice one! :D

What Was She Thinking?

I was explaining this situation to a friend of mine that doesn’t watch Jersey Shore, and she asked me “Why did she think the guy was going to back her play?”

Usually… Guys that kick it to other guys’ girls don’t know each other… That situation would never have gone down like that, except that it was on a television show.

What would have happened is that the dude would have arrived, seen Sammi hanging out with Ronnie, told Mike that he had been invited to the club by Sammi and showed Mike the text messages, and then Mike would have shut the **** up.

That’s because snitching is good for television ratings, but it sucks in real life. That could easily have turned into a fight.

Under normal circumstances, Sammi would have been in the middle, and there would have been no reason at all for the other guy to tell Ronnie the truth about his interactions with Sammi. I’m sure this is what she was thinking when she decided to drag Ronnie over to the dude that a) she initially lied and said she never texted, and then, when Nicole informed her that she already saw the texts from her on his phone, she b) changed her lie to “Yes, I texted him, but he’s my friend“. She was already caught in lies, and she figured that there was no reason for Ronnie to find out the truth, so she gambled and lost.. big time.

Because this happened on television, Mike called the dude on the phone, who said directly and clearly that he had made out with Sammi when Ronnie asked him about it… Instead of living with the disgrace of being caught in I-don’t-know-how-many lies at this point, Sammi gets on the phone and says “We never made out! :O” resulting in his description a the location and situation for which she had no rebuttal and ended up FINALLY copping a plea to Ronnie that she messed with him a couple of years ago.

I think that besides thinking she’s smarter than Ronnie (which she may very well be), she was thinking the other dude didn’t have anything to lose by lying for her so she could remain in good standing with her boyfriend… Except he DID have something to lose, which was that he would have looked like a liar AND a Herb AND a troublemaker if he recanted his story. On top of that, as soon as all the roommates saw her text messages to him, the cat was out of the bag. Everybody knew she was lying before she even BEGAN lying about not having texted anyone.

If this had not been on television, the IRL conversation and then the telephone conversation between the two guys would never have occurred, Sammi would have lied and claimed no physical involvement with the dude, and that would have been that. In fact, the fact that she texted him wouldn’t have surfaced in the first place.

Of course.. This entire situation could have been avoided if she would have sent him one. more. text. saying “Don’t come to the club” once she felt like she was getting back together with Ronnie.

Midnight Racing

So anyway.. Like I said.. Guys pretend to be friends with gals so we can stay in the pocket until she finally gets with the program. Gals pretend to be friends with guys so they’re not accused of having sex with us.

One of the funny things about this is that, similar to bordellos, it doesn’t work in the other direction… Women don’t pretend to be friends with men so they can get laid.

First of all, y’all don’t have to, and second, it wouldn’t help you anyway… Y’all either “Could Get It”, or you can’t. Whether a guy races remote control cars with you in the park or not isn’t going to get you any credit towards sex.

It might help you out in a jam, though.. Like when you stumble home at 4am and your boyfriend is wondering what you’ve been doing all night, you can say “Well.. *hic*.. I was hanging out with this guy I know, and we were racing RC cars and I lost track of the time”.

……………

So, ladies.. Stop trying to use “We’re just friends” as a cover.. Especially when the only thing y’all have in common is that you look good to him and he’s down to hit it.
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Bill Cammack – “Neo vs. Morpheus” by Bill Cammack

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I had brought this up before.. about how Sammi’s brain doesn’t cope well with information she doesn’t like.

When Ronnie told her it was over, she asked him like 85 different times to confirm it in at least 97,000 different ways before it finally sank in that he was serious and their “relationship” was over.

This week, Sammi’s lack of brainpower MIPS (Millions of Instructions Per Second) bit her in the ass….. HARD! :D HAHAHA

When you’re interrogating someone, the best thing to do is ask questions that you already know the answer to.

If I ask you “Did you go straight home?” and you say “Yes” and then I ask you “Did you go straight home?”, it’s in your best interest to consider that a) I don’t believe you, and b) I probably know something you didn’t think I knew.

This is what happened to Sammi. Nicole pulled her to the side, and with a stern look on her grill, asked “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”, to which, Sammi replied “I don’t text ANYBODY!”, and then Nicole asked Deena what the guy’s name was.

It’s right at that point in time that your brain is supposed to inform you that you’re busted. Instead, Sammi continued to deny. This is because, like I said the other day, people’s word isn’t worth **** anymore, and she’s used to saying and doing anything she wants and nobody’s worthless opinion trumps hers.

Unfortunately for her, this time, there was physical evidence.. Text messages FROM HER to the guy, on his phone, that came from her account, and had her picture attached to the messages.

Busted.

Background

Basically, Sammi & Ronnie have been dating since the beginning of season 01, or about a full year. In season 02, Ronnie “cheated” on Sammi a bunch of times and she pretended to get over it so she could look cool, but it was actually driving her crazy.

They broke up a couple of episodes ago, after Ronnie told her it was over, so Sammi thought it would be a good idea to take Nicole & Deena’s advice and dress up, go to the club and rub her ass on some other dude so Ronnie could watch and feel jealous.

Ronnie proceeded to stroll home and destroy all of her belongings, including her prescription glasses, so she ended up going home.

Sammi came back relatively quickly. I think they said on the show that she was gone for a week or so.

Upon her return, she and Ronnie got back together, naturally, because they have nothing better to do with their lives.

The problem is that apparently, as soon as she went home, while Ronnie was crying about her and ordering flowers sent to her house, Sammi started texting this guy that arrived at the club and was the flashpoint for the ensuing ruckus.

Instead of fessing up, she tried to play it off and failed miserably.

Sammi was in the right to text the dude and invite him to come see her, because she and Ronnie had broken up before she left the house, so she was absolutely single. However.. Ronnie expected her to not to kick it to some rebound dude the very next day.

When Sammi returned, she could have admitted it, but elected not to.

In fact, she was actually dumb enough to go to the club that she texted the guy to meet her at. This is what happens when someone who’s used to being a girlfriend tries to do treacherous, sneaky things. It normally doesn’t work out because she doesn’t have any practice in it.

So she doesn’t admit she was texting some other dude, gets back together with Ronnie, and goes WITH RONNIE to the club that she had told the other guy to meet her at (being that she had been single at the time).

Actually, what’s even dumber about what happened is that she KNEW that the guy she was texting was friends with Mike “The Snitchuation”, the neighborhood gossip & town crier.. Absolutely THE WORST PERSON that she could have had knowing her personal business.

Beginning Of The End

So dude shows up to the bar and asks Mike where Sammi is and announces that she told him to meet her there.

The reason this happened is that Sammi FAILED to send him the “I’m back together with my boyfriend” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Act like you don’t know me” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Don’t **** up my relationship with Ronnie” text message.

So, as far as dude knew, Sammi was still single, and still wanted to see him. He was there to see her and was ready to get it jumpin’ off. >:D

Mike asks him for proof, so dude breaks out his cell phone and scrolls through messages Sammi sent him during the few days she was out of the house / broken up with Ronnie.

In an intelligent move, Mike calls Jenni over and has dude show her the messages. Jenni informs Nicole & Deena about what’s happening, and Nicole decides to run and tell Sammi she’s busted before Ronnie finds out and flips out on her.

Nicole pulls Sammi away from Ronnie, and asks her “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”

This should have triggered a memory search by Sammi. She should either have wondered “WHICH GUY is Nicole talking about?” or, if there aren’t a vast number of guys, she should have the name(s) available for her right off the bat.

The question was not “ARE you texting any guys?”. The question was not “Are you talking to anyone besides Ronnie?”. Nicole asked her for specific information about a specific action. It’s the difference between someone asking you “Do you have money on you?” and “Which ATM did you get that $100 in your pocket from?”. The fact that someone is aware of how much money you have on you, *AND* that you went to an ATM to get it indicates that they’re referencing something specific, not taking a shot in the dark.

The answer to “Where did you get the money in your pocket?” is not “I don’t have money in my pocket”, when you know ******* damned well that you DO have money in your pocket, and exactly the amount you’re being asked about, which you retrieved from an ATM, to boot. The response is either a) “How do you know how much money I have?”, b) “How do you know I went to an ATM”, or c) I went to the ATM at Crenshaw & Slauson.

Similarly.. The response to “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?” is either a) “Who told you I was texting a guy?”, b) “How do you know I’ve been texting a guy?”, or c) a list of names of the guys you’ve been texting…. The answer “I don’t text ANYBODY!” clearly isn’t going to save your ass, because the way the question was formed indicates knowledge of your actions prior to approaching you.

So Sammi lies and says she hasn’t been texting any guys. She had already been busted on the reunion special for season 01 when they showed footage of her commiserating with Mike about this guy that she had been talking to behind Ronnie’s back. There was footage of her and Mike in her room and also driving together in the car, talking about her treachery, and for some odd reason, Snitchuation backed her play, violating “Guy Code” or “Dude Code” or “Bro Code” or whatever they call it, and completely siding with “Girl Code”, like Ronnie accused him of a full year later.

This was a problem as well. Nicole had stepped to Sammi so they could get their lies straight and do damage control. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is….

Believing Your Own Hype

I have to go off on a tangent, here. :D If you’re an attractive female, and it seems like everybody agrees with what you say, they don’t. It’s easier to get laid if you agree with what hawt chicks say, is why nobody argues with you. Also, your opinions don’t have any bearing on anything important, so there’s no reason to jar you from your illusions and delusions.

Please don’t let this go to your head, where you think you’re actually SMARTER than the people surrounding you. When people know you’re wrong, they STFU so they can remain in your good graces and get the benefits. Girls benefit from the trickle-down guys they get to rap to that you reject. Guys get to benefit because they get to screw you.

Do yourself a favor, and figure out your relative intelligence before you attempt to run scams or lie about texting guys behind your recently-broken-up-with boyfriend’s back.

So.. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is, doesn’t take advantage of this golden opportunity that Nicole gave her. Since she’s used to saying something and believing that people accept her word as bond, her brain elects to override the facts with belligerence. Her brain decides that she’s going to shout everyone down and tell them how it is, like Travolta in “Get Shorty”.

Had she been mentally functioning within the realm of reality, as soon as Nicole & Deena told her that there is a guy, on the premises, with a smartphone, that has text messages from her, with her face on them, inviting him to this very club to come see her, she would have sent Deena on the sneaks to try to tell the dude to play it off and not tell Ronnie what’s going on.

She couldn’t have gone, herself, because Ronnie would have followed her. She couldn’t have sent Nicole, because Ronnie would have watched where she went and come over to interrogate Sammi.

None of this matters, because Sammi’s response was to go on the warpath.

Nicole tells her “You texted him to come here tonight” and Sammi’s response is “No, I didn’t!”. Once again, wasted scheming time. Stop trying to dictate reality. You are not Nostradamus. You are not a Jedi. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself… *NOW*, Not only did Nicole tell you the name of the dude, and that he’s here in the club right now, and that he already told the fellaz that you told him to come see you here, but she’s telling you WHAT. YOU. SAID. IN. YOUR. MESSAGES. that he has with him, on his phone, right now, and that he’s already shown to Mike, Jenni, Deena and herself, and you’re STILL DENYING THAT YOU TEXTED HIM???

This chick is really dense. I think she would still have tried to deny if Chris Hanson had offered for her to sit down and have some lemonade.

Lesser Included Charges

Next, Sammi does the worst thing she could have done, and without making a plan with her girls about how she’s going to get over, she goes back over to where Ronnie is.

This is where I have to give Mike Snitchuation ultimate credit for his plotting. It worked out perfectly. Sammi still would have been busted if Mike had gone directly to Ronnie, because the evidence was in dude’s phone, but the fact that Mike enlisted ALL OF THE GIRLS ahead of time made Sammi look like a complete AssHat while they collectively explained the situation to Ronnie.

Sammi played “I’m so confused.. What are you talking about? :O” while Jenni and Nicole explained to her in front of Ronnie that the dude is here, he said Sammi invited her to come see him and he has the text messages still on his phone, to prove it, including her ******* picture on the texts.

So then, Sammi changes her story, ENTIRELY, right before Ronnie’s eyes.

All of a sudden, it’s not “I don’t text anybody” and “No I didn’t”, but rather “I will go ******* confront that guy, Arvin, and Mike, together, because let me tell you something… Arvin’s my friend from home!”

I’ve seen this a million times. Of course, guys do this too, but I’ve seen chicks change their excuse on the fly, when reality finally sets in that they’re not going to win.

You can’t change your excuse from “I didn’t have sex with him” to “I had sex with him because I was drunk” to “I made a mistake” to “I don’t remember having sex with him”… Which one is it? o_O

Unfortunately for you, excuses don’t cascade like Lesser Included Charges. If someone’s accused of Murder 1, they might actually be convicted of Murder 2 or Manslaughter, which is the exact same charge with lower levels of culpability / premeditation, so they carry lower sentences. Excuses don’t work like that. “He’s my friend from home” doesn’t fit inside “I didn’t text him”. “I texted him because we’re friends” doesn’t fit inside “I don’t text anybody”. Either you were lying at first, or you’re lying now.

What “Friends” Means

Also, just last month, I talked about what women MEAN in these situations when they say a guy is their “friend”. They don’t mean they like each other and pal around. They’re indicating that they don’t have sex with this particular male of the species.

For some reason that’s completely beyond me, women think that calling a guy their friend actually deflects suspicion. I just don’t get it. I mean.. When was the last time that a chick actually ADMITTED that she’s givin’ it up? o_O .. Like, to someone that’s not her boyfriend or husband?

Never, that’s when.

Any. Guy. That. A. Chick. Doesn’t. Want. To. Admit. She’s. Hooking. Up. With. Will. Be. Called. Her. Friend.

Get a clue, ladies. Everybody knows what time it is. I know you have to play it off, but don’t do yourself the disservice of believing that anybody believes you when you say it.

*PRO TIP* – Real Friends have something in common. That’s why they’re friends. People aren’t friends for no reason. This is why calling a guy your “friend” doesn’t fly. Just because you have a nice ass and he happens to like nice asses, that’s something you share in common, but it’s not something that makes you friends.

If you insist on using this as a cover, make sure you add the functionality of your so-called friendship in the explanation. “We work in the same industry”. “We both enjoy flying kites”. “We’re both studying Italian in the same class”. “We both have stamp and/or butterfly collections”. Make up SOMETHING that possibly explains why in the hell he would elect to be “friends” with you instead of boning you.

*PRO TIP #2* – If you’re going to go the “He’s my friend” route, make sure you select a guy that actually makes friends with girls for reasons other than eventually or immediately having sex with them.

DO NOT select a guy that’s a Hunter and expect anybody to believe he’s not doing his damnedest to screw you.

DO NOT select a guy that’s homeboys with your male roommate, who knows damned well that this dude doesn’t give a **** about you other than trying to hook up with you.

DO NOT invite your so-called “friend” to meet you at a club. Do not invite him to meet you at a club where your boyfriend will be in attendance. If you have to say something in public, play it off like you want to meet him for coffee (when everybody that knows him knows damned well that he NEVER drinks coffee and only drinks beer). Make some kind of platonic-looking excuse to spend time with him so that when you finally get busted, you can be like “So what? I had coffee with my friend. Big deal!”.

So.. Basically… As soon as Sammi changed her story from “I didn’t text anybody” to “I texted this Hunter and told him I wanted to see him and to meet me at a nightclub because he’s someone I know platonically from home that I don’t hook up with”, Ronnie knew what time it was.

Edited Conversations

I really don’t know what Sammi hoped to accomplish by confronting the two guys who were in control of the physical evidence of her actions. It was too late. The cat was out of the bag. Jenni, Nicole, and Deena had already seen her face next to the BBM text messages on the dude’s phone.

What was she going to do? Tell him to erase them? :D People had already seen them. She had already changed her excuse. She wasn’t denying that she sent him the messages, she was saying that it was OK that she sent him the messages because they share a platonic relationship together, based on………… o_O

So Sammi brings Ronnie over and steps to the dude. MTV proceeds to do a very creative edit that doesn’t make any sense at all. They make the conversation go:

Sammi: “You’re my friend”
Dude: “Yeah”
Sammi: “That’s It?”
Dude: “So?”

Then, they do a conspicuous cutaway to Ronnie standing there doing nothing so they don’t have to play the rest of the dialogue in the conversation, and next second, Ronnie’s walking away, upset, going “It’s fine. I’m going to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom”.

This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it was the best edit the MTV producers could come up with based on whatever raw footage they had.

I’ve never had this happen to me, because chicks aren’t stupid enough to think I’m going to back their play if they bring their boyfriends to me, asking questions about my personal business. We can extrapolate what actually happened from the facts that we have:

1. Dude is AT THE CLUB BECAUSE Ronnie’s girlfriend (ex at the time) texted him, told him she wanted to see him and invited him to that specific club to spend time with her.
2. Ronnie was at home crying over Sammi and sending her flowers while she was texting with this dude.
3. Dude has the physical evidence ON HIM, in his phone, and everybody’s seen it already.
4. Sammi initially denied sending the texts, then admitted sending the texts while explaining that this guy is a platonic friend of hers.
5. Sammi claimed she was going to confront Mike and the dude, implying that she was going to get them to recant their story.
6. With Ronnie standing right there, she asked the dude if he was her friend.
7. Dude replied “Yes”.
8. Sammi asked “That’s it?”, requesting confirmation from him that they’re not messing around.
9. Dude replied “So?” instead of “No. We’re not messing with each other”.
10. More conversation occurred that MTV deleted.
11. Ronnie is upset and claims he has to go to the bathroom so he can escape the embarrassment.

Now.. If dude had said, in the part that MTV deleted “Listen, man.. I’m not kickin’ it with your girl. We’re “just friends” and she wanted to meet me here and have a drink and talk about her relationship to you, so I got dressed up, got a fresh haircut and drove my ass all the way here to this club, paid to get in and then paid for outrageously-priced drinks while I was waiting for Sammi to arrive for our platonic conversation about you that we can’t even have because it’s too ******* loud in here, so I probably would have had to take her to my SUV with the tinted windows and talked to her in the back…” Ronnie would have been ok with that.

That’s obviously not what happened.

Possibilities

One possibility is that Sammi and Ronnie stepped up, dude produced his phone, showed it to Ronnie and said “Here’s what your girlfriend sent me”, and let the facts speak for themselves.

Another possibility is that he didn’t deny messing with her.

This is what I mean about women trying to hide behind the term “friends”. Sammi asked him if he was her friend, and he said “yes”. That means that he likes her as a person. It doesn’t mean he’s never ****** her. Also, I’m sure Ronnie’s been in lots of situations where a chick he was screwing told people that he was her friend. Whether they believed it or not doesn’t change the facts of their relationship and sexual involvement.

This is why I’m suspicious of the word “So?” being the end of the conversation. It can’t be. She would have had to counter that with “You and I have never had sex, right?”, and then the entire situation goes downhill.

The problem here is that Sammi’s asking the dude to say “Yes, I’m a Herb. I hang out with girls for no reason at all. I don’t like to screw attractive chicks.”.. The second problem is that even if dude decided to lie about that for her benefit, he’s actually friends with Mike and has probably hung out with Ronnie before as well. That means they’ve all hunted together. That means Ronnie already knows damned well that this dude wouldn’t come to see Sammi for some bullshit platonic reason.

Another possibility is that dude showed Ronnie the text messages and said “No disrespect to you, dude. She told me y’all broke up. She invited ME to come spend time with her. I wasn’t trying to cut your throat. She never told me y’all got back together.”

He wasn’t obliged to say all that, because whatever he’s doing with Sammi is his own personal business and none of Ronnie’s business. If he’s friends with Ronnie, a very basic “Your ex girlfriend threw sex at me” is easily understandable and there should be no hard feelings in either direction. There was no reason for Ronnie to be disrespectful towards him for coming to a club to meet a newly-single female he wants to ****, and there was no reason for him to be disrespectful towards Ronnie for asking him about his personal business with Sammi.

Another possibility is that he told Ronnie “Yo. Mind your business.”

I doubt that’s what happened, because he had already told Mike, who told everybody else, so Ronnie was going to find out one way or the other. On top of that, dude is an actual friend of Mike’s, so there’s no reason for them not to clear the air so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

Another possibility is that he played the platonic friend role, but wasn’t convincing.

I doubt that’s what happened, because Mike and Ronnie know who he is and that he does the same thing they do when it comes to chicks.

Again, I’ve never been in this situation, so I can’t really say what I would have done.

What I *WOULDN’T* have done is ask Mike where Sammi is instead of just texting her ass and telling her to meet me by the bar. Either that, or physically going to find her, in which case, I would have seen Ronnie shadowing her and I would have known they were back in action.

Most likely, purely hypothetically, my reaction to Sammi and Ronnie coming to ask me about my personal business would depend on the level of friendship I had with Sammi. If she and I were TIGHT, I’d fall on my sword and go the “I’m a Herb” route, because I’m gonna do whatever I want with her ANYWAY, regardless of what her man thinks of me. If it makes her life better for her boyfriend or whatever to believe I’m a chump that hangs out with his girlfriend playing scrabble, that works for me.

If we weren’t cool like that, I would have shown Ronnie the text messages with his girlfriend’s face on it, let him read the evidence for himself, and said “If y’all are back together, cool. She said she was single now and wanted to spend time with me, so here I am.”

The other problem with the footage is that the dude looked completely calm in every single frame. There’s no “My bad, dude.” in his demeanor. He doesn’t look as if he just took one for the team and claimed he’s never messed with Sammi. He looks like “Whatever, dude.”, which is totally not the response Sammi was hoping to receive by “confronting” him and Mike.

The confrontation was supposed to yield a reversal from both guys. It clearly didn’t.

Whatever was said, Ronnie was rather upset, and broke up with Sammi, *AGAIN*! :D hahaha

Somehow, they end up in the kitchen, when Ronnie had claimed he had to go to the bathroom, and Ronnie proceeds to throw a min-fit: “Have fun with the girls.. I didn’t ******* call NO GIRLS while you were gone… I had every chance, on Thursday, to bring the ******* HOTTEST girl in the club home, and I ******* DIDN’T, because I was CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH over ******* YOU!”

As much as I detest commenting on their juvenile, elementaryschoolesque relationship, I feel I should say that “If I had known you were sending text messages to another guy, I would have ****** this girl I met the other day” isn’t a good look.

You Betta Recognize!!!

The next thing that happens is that Sammi starts breakin’ on Mike, telling him she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Snitchuation’s response is basically “Don’t get mad at ME because YOU got busted! :D”.

In fact, Sammi has nothing to be mad at Mike for, because even though he was snitching and gossiping as usual, this time it worked out in the favor of the guys instead of the girls. Under “Guy Code”, Mike was obliged to inform Ronnie that his girl has been throwing it at his friend. Sammi has already benefiited from “Girl Code”, because if not for that, “The Letter” would never have been written, and she wouldn’t have been invited to sleep in the girls’ room after Ronnie destroyed all her stuff.

Typically, even though it may have been left out in the edit, there has been ZERO heartfelt apology from Sammi. She denied all the way to the end of the episode that she was messing with that dude. She kept saying “He’s. My. FRIEND!!!”, to which Vinny eventually casually replied “Girls don’t have friends that are guys.”

The bottom line, ladies, is that if you’re gonna mess with a shark, give him the respect of remembering that he’s a ******* SHARK! >:D .. He doesn’t believe anything you say. He lets it slide because it doesn’t matter, and it’s easier to have sex with you if you think he believes you’re right.

You can’t get away with the same excuses that work on Herbs because Hunters live in the real world and have been on both sides of the equation. They’ve been the guy lied to and they’ve been the guy that the gal lied to her boyfriend or husband about. They’ve told the lies to get the girl to give it up and they’ve told the lies that help their close homegirls maintain their relationships. They’ve looked dudes square in the eye and told them “Nah, I’m not ******* your woman” when they just got up off of her an hour ago.

Do yourselves a favor, ladies… Give a shark respect for who he is, and he’ll give you respect for recognizing game and coming correct.

Even though Ronnie sold out in the beginning of season 01, I said from the first time I saw the show that he should have been the top dog and squad leader over Pauly, Mike & Vinny when it comes to pulling chicks… Just because he’s been crying every episode and exhibiting Herb-like behavior doesn’t mean he’s not a shark at heart.

If your man’s an accountant or something, go ahead and tell him that you were texting another shark to meet you at a nightclub for platonic reasons. He’ll buy it. He’s not even going to be able to IMAGINE the kinky ways his girlfriend or wife gives it up when she’s with guys that actually turn her on and know how to put her body to work.

If you decide to date a badboy, understand that if you introduce him to another badboy as your so-called friend, they’re going to be able to detect each other, which most likely isn’t going to work out in your favor.

Mistaken Identity

I recently had a weird situation occur, along these same lines, but for the exact opposite reason.

I ran into this chick that I know but that I’ve never messed with. She could definitely get it, because she’s FOYINE, but I’ve never hooked up with her, dated her, nothing. She and I would actually qualify as “friends” in the platonic sense, not because I wouldn’t hit it, but because I haven’t yet.

I hadn’t seen her in well over a year, maybe even close to two. I greeted her, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and asked her how everything was going. She replied “eeh. :/” and seemed to be looking past me, over my left shoulder as she was walking away.

I found her statement and response odd, but didn’t think anything of it, because I hadn’t seen her in so long that who knows what the hell had happened in her life during that time. \o/

So later, there was a baby crawling around, maybe a year old, and this baby crawls over to me and is really friendly, haha, most likely because we’re approximately the same color and have the same texture of hair.

In fact, I had never seen that kid before in my entire life. Being the friendly person that I am, I smiled and waved at the baby and he smiled and waved back.

20-30 minutes passed, and a mutual friend of mine and that chick’s was talking to some dude I’ve never seen before in life and decided to introduce us. I walked over and shook his hand, but he seemed really stiff.. tight.. as if he had some kind of problem with me that I wasn’t aware of.

Shortly after that, I had another run-in with the baby, except this time, the girl I hadn’t seen in ages was interacting with him in a way that indicated to me that she was most likely his mother.

This put all the pieces together for me :D

The guy was stiff because he’s her boyfriend, and purportedly the baby’s father.

Meanwhile, a guy he’s never seen before shows up, knows his girlfriend, her kid looks like me and is very comfortable around me…. hahaha Like they say on The Maury Show, I am ONE THOUSAND PERCENT POSITIVE I am not the father, because I’ve literally never had sex with her ever in life.

If he had asked me, I would have said “Nope. I’ve never dated or messed with your woman.”.. Not because it’s any business of his, because if he’s worried about whether he’s the pops or not, he needs to spend the money on a paternity test, but rather because I’m actually *NOT* messing with her, and The Ki-Hid Is Not My Son! >:D

–
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Reader “Katie” asked me when I felt people who have just started dating should add each other on Facebook.

This is a very interesting question, and potentially complicated.

It depends both on how people utilize Facebook and how they date.

We’re Not Friends

I completely believe that men and women can be friends. I have lots of female friends. That doesn’t mean I’m not messing with or hooking up with any of them. It means that I like them as people and would spend time with them whether we were gettin’ it in or not.

Having said that.. For the most part, guys and gals that begin dating each other aren’t friends at all. They both want something from each other. It’s a dual-parasitic relationship, not two people working towards a common goal and focusing on togetherness.

This becomes obvious when one or both people no longer get what they want from the other one. Next thing you know, they never speak to each other again. That’s because their physical, sexual, sensual, romantic or whatever you want to call it interaction or attraction was the only glue that held their so-called “relationship” together. As soon as one ceases to derive their desired utility from the other one, that’s all she wrote.

If this is the way you date, you most definitely shouldn’t add people you interact with on Facebook. It’s only going to lead to a bunch of unfriending, which isn’t a good look at all.

Who Do You Add?

I was at a party one time that was thrown by a friend, and at some point, I met this gal and her boss and we were discussing social media & whatnot. This went on for about 20 minutes, and the boss walks away to get another round or talk to someone else. I say to this chick “Are you on Facebook?”… She replies “Yes, but I only add people that I know, IRL (meaning: in real life)”.

So I’m just standing there, looking at her.

She’s standing there like she just said something that makes sense.

I’m looking at her, not saying anything, thinking “You really are stupid aren’t you? :D .. We’re IRL RIGHT. NOW., you idiot. Either say you’re on FB and don’t want to add me… or add me”.

Another time, I met this gal, kicked it with her for a good amount of time at a party, and then when the FB question came up, she goes “You can ‘like’ my fan page! :D”, when I already had like 35 mutual friends with her actual Facebook account. GEEEEEEEEEEEET THE **** OUTTA HERE!!! >:D

More recently, I was introduced to this chick by a good friend of mine. When the question came up, the produced a business card that indicated that she was some kind of entertainer and had her FB fan page on it and other types of GO JOCK ME information. Unfortunately, I don’t carry a lighter with me, or else I would have set it on fire in front of her face. :D Do I look like a booking agent? Do I look like a talent scout? Did someone tell you I was looking to hire actresses or comedians?

Of course, I have my own FB fan page, but you’ll notice that I have 135 fans and 121 of them are friends of mine. Meanwhile… I have 2626 Facebook Friends on my actual page. I meet people all the time, and usually go +4 to +7 on Facebook just about any time I attend an event, party or get-together.

I don’t add people so they can sweat me or so my fan page can look like I have a lot of followers. :/ I add them because I’m interested in knowing whatever they want me to know, which is whatever they post to their social media streams. This is why it’s the big **** YOU!!! when people you meet in person go “You can become a fan of mine! :D”. They’re telling you to your face that they want the credit of your following them, but they don’t give a flying **** about anything that YOU post to the net.

No Thanks. Ain’t That Type-a Party. >:D

What Do You Share?

So.. Depending on how you view people you’re dating, you’re going to consider them friends, or you’re not. On Facebook, you’re either going to add everybody, add people that you’ve actually met, or add people that you feel like you’re going to be friends with going forward.

These are going to be the main two factors which determine whether you add a “love interest” as one of your FB friends. A third factor, however, is what you actually SHARE on Facebook.

Some people, every time you turn around, there are another 100 pictures of them from last weekend. It’s like they use still cameras as if they’re video cameras. There’s like one picture from just about every single minute since the last time you checked their profile. You know who they hung out with, where they went, what they did, what they drank, who they messed with, whose house they ended up at when the night was over…

Other people keep it tight, posting comments about social media or charities or business. They don’t actually reveal ANYTHING about their personal lives on Facebook, which means that a) there’s no reason for them to add you, because you’re not going to get anything out of reading their stream, and b) there’s no reason for them NOT to add you, because you can’t find anything out about them that might cause you to not date them.

I believe that this is where the opinions diverge, as far as adding people you’re dating as Facebook friends. You’re either from the school of “They’re going to find out, anyway, so I want them to know what my steeze is ASAP”, or the school of “I hope they don’t find out who I know and what I do and ‘judge me’ before getting to know me as a person”.

Hit The Bricks / Kick Rocks

I personally try to keep my online presence as congruent with my IRL demeanor & presentation as possible.

This is because, ultimately, what we do online is vet people to determine whether we’d hang out with them in person. I’ve met lots of people that are playing a character when they’re online. It doesn’t generally work well for them, because when people meet them IRL, they’re expecting to be this person that only exists when they’re filming themselves with their own cameras and reciting lines from their own scripts.

I’m not having fun if I’m not being myself. Being Me is LOTS of fun! >:D If people can’t stand what I write or what I post to the internet, they’re SURELY not going to be able to hang out with me IRL, because we get right down to the nitty gritty and the real deal when we’re debating relationships live, over brews.

I’m not interested in spending time with people that aren’t willing to get down & dirty. Those people can change the channel. Hit the bricks. Kick rocks. Take a long walk on a short plank. Don’t let the door hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

So, I’m on the “Add Everybody ASAP” side of things. If I meet a gal that I’d like to mess with, I’m going to offer her a Friends Request. If I meet a gal that I WOULDN’T like to mess with, but she’s cool or intelligent or whatever, and I’d like to keep up with her social media offerings, I’m going to offer her a Friends Request. If I meet a gal and think she’s a JERK, I’m not going to say anything to her at all……………. unless, of course, she’s *FOYINE*!!! >:D

Then again, I can afford to do that.. Not only because I already have a couple thousand Facebook friends, so what difference does it make if some chick sees how I conduct myself online and unfriends me, but because that’s how I feel people build strong, authentic communities. Whomever doesn’t want to be around can bounce. That leaves only the people that want to interact with you, which is what you were striving for to begin with.

So I say that if people are planning to date each other, they should friend each other on Facebook, immediately. Get the information out in the open and if they still want to kick it with you, great. If they don’t, great.

Bait & Switch

The other school of thought says that people that start dating should NOT friend each other on Facebook.

The overall gist seems to be that the goal is to avoid being ‘judged’ by someone before they get to know you 1-on-1.

I get that, and I appreciate what they’re trying to do… Unfortunately, the truth is going to become evident sooner or later. If you like to drink your ass off and hang out until 3am with your friends, hiding that fact until someone becomes interested in you only sets you up for an argument. If you know 200 chicks and every time you go to a party, you spend the entire time glad-handing and socializing with people OTHER than your date, hiding that only sets you up for an argument.

OTOH.. If you just learned how to dress this month, and you look like a Herb in all the rest of your FB pictures, it might be in your best interests to hide that because it’s no longer representative of who you are now and what you’re bringing to the table.

If you have random chicks that you know leaving posts on your FB wall, talkin’ ’bout “When are we going to hang out again??? :D”, that’s a part of your current life, and I feel that hiding that is fraudulent. If you’re playing that “lonely guy” role, acting like you’re looking for one gal to make your life interesting, and selling that dream to every woman you meet, sucks to be you if you get busted.

If you’re the type of person that switches significant others every few months, and even likes to go so far as getting engaged and unengaged to them whenever you feel like it, your best bet is untagging yourself in those pictures and hoping your new chick never finds out. This is still underhanded, but unless she’s friends with friends of yours, she never would have received that intel anyway.

If you’re the type of person that plays a character online that’s completely different from who you are IRL, you might want to hide your FB profile from potential love interests. If they’re not able to discern the difference between your dual personas, or if they’re not able to understand WHY you would want to represent yourself as someone different under different circumstances, this is going to weigh against you and seriously undermine your rap.

Updates & Deletion

If you elect to add someone you’re dating as a friend on FB, you have to be concerned about relationship status updates. Some people take those very seriously, and playing it the wrong way can have detrimental effects on your situation.

If you’re all hugged up with someone, calling them GF/BF/whatever, and then they check your FB page and you’re listed as “single”?… No Good! :D You’re going to either hear it or feel it… actually, NOT feel it, Nah Meen? >:D

Same thing if y’all haven’t officially declared anything. If the other person receives a message that you’ve indicated that you’re in a relationship with them, you might be in for a rude awakening when they decline your notification. Even if they ignore it, that’s going to lead to one of those “Where is this relationship going?” conversations that nobody likes to have.

Same thing if your page indicates that you’re attending a party that your SO wasn’t invited to.. especially if you don’t send them an invite to go with you. haha TROUB-BLEEEE!!! :D

Same thing if you show up tagged in pictures from when you were partying the night before, but you told your SO you were staying home sick or going to sleep early, hehe BUSTED!!! >:D

So you have to think about whether you actually want someone you’re dating to have access to your whereabouts and activities. That doesn’t just include Facebook, but also Location-Based Services like FourSquare or even Twitter, where your business MIGHT COULD end up in the street or even become a trending topic! o_O

Another consideration is how you interact with people (or not) once the romantic segment of your relationship is over.

If you know that once you break up, you’re going to delete all traces of this person from your Facebook profile, you might not want to add them at all until you’re pretty confident y’all are going to stay together for a good amount of time.

If you can still be cordial to somebody, even though y’all aren’t messing anymore and they’re hooking up with someone that you know and most likely met solely because YOU introduced them to your social set, then, by all means, add them on FB and stay in contact with them so their relationship updates can populate your “Top News” stream.

The Question

Ultimately, the decision comes down to your style.

If you think you have a better chance of getting a rap by hiding your online presence from someone, good luck with that. :D

If you know that you’re not friends with people you date to begin with, it doesn’t make sense to add them so you have to keep repeating the Dump & Erase cycle.

If you’re cool with people that are cool with you, regardless of what stage your ‘relationship’ is currently in, I say add people ASAP to Facebook and any other social media sites you share in common. Let them decide whether they like you as a person or not and then select your dates from a pool that’s already interested in you instead of trying your luck with randoms.

If you feel your Facebook presence is wack, well, that means you need to step up your game, now, doesn’t it? :D If you don’t have anything interesting to say, stay shut. If you’re not saying things about yourself that put you in a good light, STFU. If you feel like your online presence is hindering you from getting raps IRL, what’s the point of maintaining that presence at all? o_O

If you elect to utilize the Bait & Switch method, how does that conversation go when you’re explaining to them what you were hiding, why you were hiding it, and why you’re telling them about it now?

What would you do if you met someone new, had a great time getting to know them that day, and when you were parting company, they say “So… Are you on Facebook?”
–
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The other night, I had a fascinating conversation about what “Friends With Benefits” (FWB) means.

FWB is an umbrella term that covers more than one situation.

The “Benefits” part is the same, regardless… Sex, Hooking Up, Physical Intimacy, whatever you like to call it.

The “Friends” part is what’s really in question.

If you don’t understand what someone means when they call you “Friend”, there’s no way that you can properly comprehend or mentally process the full scope of FWB.

Just Friends

According to Webster’s, a friend is “One attached to another by affection or esteem”.

Lots of people are friends with each other. They go bowling together, they go out to eat, they discuss dating concepts…

This is not what women mean when they say “Just Friends”. First of all, the word “Just” implies that being friends is an inferior state to something else. You will notice that this term is usually applied when they are accused of having sex with some guy. What do they always say? o_O

“Oh.. No.. We’re just friends.”

That doesn’t mean she goes bowling with dude. All she’s doing is denying sexual activity with him. She may or may not actually be hooking up with him. Just because she calls him a “friend” doesn’t mean anything at all. Lots of chicks are giving it up and claiming that they’re “friends” with the guy they’re boning.

Dueling Parasites

This is usually done for two reasons. The first one is that their private, personal or sexual lives are none of your business. Butt out. Kick rocks. Take a long walk on a short plank… The second reason is that thanks to the double-standard, women are low-rated if they have sex with a dude before blackmailing him into an exclusive relationship.

So long as physical interaction is sanctioned by her having a title, such as wife or girlfriend, she’s free to admit that she’s hooking up with a dude without feeling poorly about herself because she thinks other people are ‘judging’ her (which is dumb to begin with because everybody judges everybody, so get over it). Outside of that, the dude is seen as not buying the cow because he’s getting the milk for free. This way of viewing the world is unfortunate, but remains a fact of life because the double-standard is so well-entrenched in patriarchal societies.

So, the “Friends” part in “Just Friends” or “Friends With Benefits” doesn’t necessarily mean that either one of them is attached to the other by affection or esteem.

Each of them has something the other one wants. A lot of relationships are dually parasitic and have nothing to do with friendship at all. I’m not talking about just FWB, but ‘actual’ relationships as well. Lots of “couples” are together because each one is providing something to the other one. As soon as that bartering relationship breaks down, they never speak to each other ever again in life.

The example I gave the other night was that our waitress was cute and had a KILLER body = “She Could Get It”, but if I had kicked it to her (which would have been unethical, hitting on someone that’s relying on you and your party for a tip at the end of the evening) and we ended up messing around, that wouldn’t make us friends… AT ALL.

The way people become friends is by getting to know each other and eventually appreciating each other for the things they like about each other and tolerating (or not, haha) the things they dislike about each other.

Hooking up doesn’t make people like each other… I mean, it CAN, because of sharing good times together, doing things for each other, and biological factors, like oxytocin, but lots of times, it’s just business.. recreation.. something to do, and no rapport is being built in one direction or both directions. This becomes EXTREMELY OBVIOUS when the two people stop having sex and then there’s no friendship left between them. o_O

Doesn’t anyone find that odd?.. When people swear up and down that they mean so much to each other and their love this and that and they care about each other and they’re friends and then as soon as they stop being physical with each other or start dating someone else, they act like the other person never existed in life?

Sorry.. That’s not friendship.

Friends (With Benefits)

There are lots of cases where people who are actually friends are affectionate towards each other, hook up with each other, and generally enjoy each other’s company to the fullest extent.

This is what people usually think of when someone says FWB.

In fact, FWB should be the natural state of affairs between people that are physically attracted to each other.

What could be better than that? :D You actually like, care about, or perhaps even love the other person, AND you’re also turned on by them…

Unfortunately, women have been trained to attempt to secure concessions from men in return for what the women consider to be sexual favors. In fact, the value of the interaction should be MUTUAL enjoyment and MUTUAL pleasure, so neither side’s supposed to owe the other side anything other than a good time.

This is why women have the nerve to say things like “JUST Friends”, as if being friends is a lower-level format of relationship than one with a girlfriend or wife title attached to it. Eventually, y’all will figure out that boyfriends arrive and disappear and your ACTUAL FRIENDS remain in the pocket, indefinitely.

You’ll find out who really cares about you when you become useless to them.

When you’re not givin’ it up anymore. When you gain that 15 lbs because you sprained your ankle and couldn’t run in the gym for a couple of months. When you get a new boyfriend and act like he’s the center of your universe, although you’ve known him for a month and you’ve known your friend for years… You’ll find out what time it is when he gets enough of what he wanted or he decides to get it from someone else or that you’re no longer worth the hassle of dealing with your caustic personality just to get to the good part.

When it’s Friends (With Benefits), it’s on when it’s on, and it’s not on when it’s not on. The hooking up doesn’t have any bearing on the friendship because it had been already solidly established that y’all like each other as human beings before you became physically intimate.

“Friends” With Benefits

One of the funniest things about the dating scene is that people refuse to acknowledge that none of it is geared towards guys and gals ever becoming friends.

I don’t know how it works in the sticks, but in metropolitan areas, you go somewhere, see a chick that turns you on, and see what you can do. Period.

Nobody cares if she snowboards. Nobody cares if she’s in the third year of her residency. Nobody cares if her family’s originally from Connecticut or California. She’s attractive to you or she isn’t. You feel like hooking up with her or you don’t. The situation works out for you or it doesn’t. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.. Same thing tomorrow night.

You don’t have dudes sitting on couches at 2am with chicks because they’re so glad that they’re cultivating a friendship with her. :D That’s not reality. Dude’s trying to get laid. Period.

Similarly, you’d be amazed how quickly some gal’s legs spread when they find out (because you lied) that you’re rich. In fact, that shouldn’t have any bearing on whether she feels like hooking up with you or not, being that money has nothing to do with how someone carries themselves, what type of person they are, who they’re being for you.. Isn’t that what women are always clamoring about? “I want him to like me for MEEEE! :(“.. Well, your gold-digging homegirls are messing it up for the rest of youse by selling out the azz for never-to-be-fulfilled promises of money, shopping, yachts, condos and trips to Paris.

So it’s funny to me when a gal tells me she meets a new dude and I’m like “So, what’s up with y’all? o_O” and she’s like “Oh.. We’re just friends”… No. Actually, you’re not friends. You’ll be finding out how much not-friends you are in a few months. See you when you return. *waves*

It’s Complicated

Of course, none of these categories exist at all. They’re complicated ways to try to explain simple facts. The titles and circumstances surrounding how you get your pleasure are entirely irrelevant. You’re either hooking up, or you’re not.

Being friends with someone isn’t connected at all to hooking up with that person, but what do you expect women to say?.. That they don’t like a guy as a person at all, he’s dumb as a box of rocks, he has no earning potential, manners or sense of humor, but she likes how he looks and she always has great orgasms when he has sex with her, so it is what it is?

Good luck with that. :) The deck is stacked against women as far as stigma & criticism, so you need to read between the lines if you’re going to understand what’s really going on with them as opposed to what they’re willing to SAY is going on.

Guys don’t have this problem. If we’re willing to put our business in the street, there are only two things we’re going to say.. “Yeah, I’m hittin’ that” or “Nope. I’m not hittin’ that”. Simple, and to the point.

Nobody cares what the relationship is named, or whether you see her every day, once every week, or once every two months. She’s either on the roster or she isn’t. You’re messing with her or you aren’t. You’re friends with her or you aren’t.

Saying “That’s my girlfriend” won’t get you any more credit than saying “That’s some chick I’m banging”. It’s the same functionality, but in the girlfriend case, you probably signed on for more responsibilities. Guys aren’t going to be low-rated either way, so there’s no incentive to apply the term “friend” to every female you know.

Some chicks, you’re just working on hooking up with them and you don’t think anything more of them than that. Some chicks are actual friends of yours and you’d invite them places and hang out with them and introduce them to people that are important to you in your life because you want THEM to meet HER because she’s important to you, too.

Some people like to use the term “It’s Complicated” to describe their relationship to someone. Nope. It’s not complicated. You’re hooking up or you’re not… You’re friends or you’re not… And none of that matters at all, so long as you’re enjoying your life.
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