Bill Cammack » fun

Making Out & Exclusive Commitments

Bill Cammack — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 15:07:37 +0000

A reader recently asked me something I’ve never thought about before.

She asked me if my opinions in “Why You Got Dumped After Sex” also applied to lesser formats of hooking up, like making out, hummers, etc…

Actually…

I’m not going to be able to answer this in a general fashion… My relationships with women work way differently than the average Joe, so I can’t really imagine what it’s like to be a regular dude.

To me, making out is an expression of love and/or attraction. If a gal inspires me to make out with her, either because I feel close to her in that way or she’s physically turning me on and making me feel like hooking up with her, I’m gonna kiss her.

From my point of view, kissing doesn’t have anything to do with commitment at all. In fact, my record for a simultaneous makeout is three chicks and me. That was back when I was a teenager.

I don’t personally have any problems getting women to want to kiss me, so I can’t possibly relate making out to commitment.

Thinking about it that way, I would say that nothing in my other article applies at all to making out or foreplay.

Generally, what I was saying there was that if guys think they can still get some from a gal, they’re likely to hang in there and see what happens. Once they hit it, if they feel like they’ve put in too much effort to get there and don’t feel like doing all that again, they might bounce. They also might bounce if they didn’t like the sex or if they lose interest in a gal as soon as she lets him in.

I don’t think that applies to making out because that’s still on the way TO the nitty-gritty. It’s not like a guy says “Whew! I finally made out with her!” and isn’t thinking about taking it to the next levels ASAP. I can’t see a guy dumping a gal after making out with her unless he didn’t enjoy kissing her or he gained access to (in his opinion) a better gal shortly after messing with this one.

Hypothetically…

From the other side of the coin.. I can imagine that there are guys that aren’t used to women being attracted to them. I mean, I *KNOW* there are a lot of guys that aren’t used to that, but I’m only speculating about how they feel in trying to write from their perspective.

I would imagine that if it wasn’t a typical occurrence for a guy to hook up with a random chick he’s never met before in life, that making out would be some kind of Earth-Shattering event for him. I could see someone like that saying “We kissed each other, so that means we’re in / starting / on our way to a relationship with each other”.

If that’s the case, then his starting to kiss her would indicate the beginning of something and his stopping would indicate the end of it. This seems to be what the writer was getting at. Something to the effect of that he kissed her and then let it go for a month or so and then the next time they saw each other, they were back at it again.

All I can say about that is that for guys that are voraciously into chicks, it’s a 24/7 issue. If he’s not scheming on you, he’s scheming on (or hooking up with) some other chick.

This is one of the reasons why in a town where there are way more women than men, the concept of playing hard to get doesn’t go over so well. It takes much less time and effort for us to meet a different gal that already wants to hook up with us than to wait for you to stop bullshitting.

If you ever come around, that’s fine, and if you don’t, that’s fine too, because your homegirl expressed her interest when you excused yourself to the bathroom.

So, if a guy’s not immediately back trying to get at you, he’s either busy working or he has other chicks on the roster and your turn hasn’t come back around yet.

Guys also work off of path of least resistance. Unless there’s something extraordinarily different about you (which there normally isn’t), whatever problems you give him about hooking up that the next gal doesn’t give him, you’re short.

If he has to talk you into it every time and the next gal’s automatically DTF, you’re short.
If he has to wait for you to get drunk every time and she’s with it when she’s sober, you’re short.
If he has to convince you to look good when y’all hang out and she naturally hooks herself up, you’re short.
If you live in a different borough and she lives in the same borough, you’re short.
If you’re always wasting his money and she’s down to have hot dogs & french fries with him, you’re short.

So.. Unless you made some sort of smashing impression with him, it’s not worth reading a lot into whether he hooked up with you again sooner rather than later.

Relationships & Recreation

Also.. It doesn’t matter whether *YOU* think you made a smashing impression with him.. It matters if HE thinks so. :D

I can’t imagine how many times a chick has told me that she and some other dude had “Great Sex” and I was thinking “um… How do you know THAT? :D” but I didn’t say anything so she could keep feeling grand about herself.

In general.. Without being able to speak for the average Joe, I would suggest that women not place too much value on the fact that a guy made out with you. I most certainly wouldn’t recommend that y’all think you’re in a relationship or have some kind of commitment from him because of it.

Making Out is all part of the basic, primal, human/animal interaction.. It’s foreplay, like feeling up, finger-popping, etc. \o/ It’s fun and it’s sexy, but it’s no big deal.

Is it an indication that he might be thinking about becoming exclusively involved with you? Sure.

Does it mean anything if he kisses you and doesn’t call you for the next two weeks? Nope. :D

He’s either busy and thinking about you or busy and not thinking about you. All you can really do is consider what the next gal’s doing to attract his attention and put your best foot forward during the time you have with him so he might call you instead of her next time he’s in the mood for some female company.

Make no mistake.. I’m not saying you should go outside of your personal comfort zone and do something you don’t feel like doing in order to try to bag a guy. That never works. Do whatever YOU feel like doing with him and veto whatever you don’t feel like doing… He’ll call you or he won’t. He’ll hook up with you again or he won’t. Either way, your life’s going to continue to be GRAND and when there’s a dude that feels like he can’t afford to lose you to the next man, he’s going to pay that consistent amount of attention to you that makes you aware that he might consider you a relationship as opposed to sexy recreation.
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Bill & Jason

Bill Cammack — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 12:39:02 +0000

Having Fun at Podcamp 37/365, originally uploaded by thehalfshow.com.

Bill Cammack & Jason Thomas (TheHalfShow.com)
at Podcamp NYC

Life Isn’t Fair

Bill Cammack — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:33:34 +0000

OK Fellaz, let’s get down to brass tacks here.

The way “dating” is set up in patriarchal society, it’s up to YOU, as the guy, to run the show. YOU kick it to the chick, she decides whether to give you some or not. You make the money. You make the decisions. You’re the “head of household”. No matter how much this society tries to make you into women, you’re *NOT*, so get over it and handle your business when it comes to chicks.

Having said that….. Since it’s YOUR responsibility to pull the chick, it’s YOUR responsiblity to be FLY! That’s a slang term meaning VERY GOOD in general, but in this case, we’re talking about your overall presentation. We’re talking about how you look, how you act, what shape you’re in, how ambitous you are in your career, how you handle your money… Top to Bottom, you have to be better than the next man if you think you’re going to get the rap to some chick.

LIFE. IS. NOT. FAIR.

You are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend.
You are not ENTITLED to have any female friends AT ALL.
You are not ENTITLED to have sex with a chick even if she likes hanging out with you.
You are not ENTITLED to have instant messenger text or video chats with chicks.
You are not ENTITLED to responses to your emails or direct messages.
You *ARE* entitled to….. *NOTHING*. :D

All men are NOT created equal. We may have been born through the same process, but some of us have distinct advantages over others. Go look up Alpha Males, Beta Males and Omega Males. If you’re a natural, chicks just like you and that’s that. You can do whatever you want, such as write blog posts that talk yang about males and females AT THE SAME TIME, and you will still have girls attracted to you just by walking in the door. Life Isn’t Fair. :D

The problem with Omega Males is that they refuse to correctly perceive themselves as the bottom of the barrel. They think to themselves “That good-looking, in-shape, well-educated, friendly, gregarious, charming, well-spoken guy over there can get girls…. so can I!” BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wrong.

The first thing Omega Males need to do is realize their position in life. It’s like going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unless you admit you have a problem, you’ll never go for treatment. The first step is admitting that YOU’RE WACK! … Say it with me now… “I am wack”. See? Don’t you feel better now? :D NOW we can get to the part where you attempt to overcome your deficiencies. See, by thinking you’re the same as guys that women actually WANT to talk to them, you’re doing yourself a disservice because you’re not trying as hard as *YOU* need to in order to pull a decent female. Then, when the chick cuts off communications with you, you try to blame it on her. You want to say she’s fickle or a tease or she led you on. Let me let you in on a little secret…..

Chicks in general are non-confrontational. You would think that’s a good thing, but it isn’t… not for YOU. It’s good for guys that girls WANT, because you say “let’s get out of here ;)” and she says “ok” and it’s on and poppin’. The problem for YOU is that she never wanted to talk to you in the first place. She saw you come in the door. She saw you on the dance floor. She saw you post up in her area. She saw you looking out the corner of your eye to try to gauge if you’d be successful in rapping to her or not. She knew what you wanted when you asked her what time it is or if she’d like to dance. She knew you were going to try to get on. She knew you would ask her for her number…..

This is where the non-confrontational part comes in. She will do one of three things. She will inform you that she’s not going to give you her number, she will give you a fake number or she will give you a real number.

If she tells you “no” from the get, she’s going to have to listen to you whining and trying to change her mind.

If she gives you a fake number, she takes the risk that you will call her immediately and realize that you connected to Pizza Hut. More whining from you and trying to change her mind. On top of that, she looks like an IDIOT because she “doesn’t know her own telephone number”. Now, she has to either tell you “no” or give up the real number.

If she gives you the real number, it’s still a trap. :) There are only two ways you can call her. With or without Caller ID. If you call her with your number blocked, she’s going to let it go to the machine, because she DOESN’T know who’s calling her. If you call her with your number showing, she’s going to let it go to the machine because she DOES know who’s calling her… Or, to put it another way, she knows it’s not anybody calling whom she actually picks up the phone for.

All paths here lead to frustration. The only way around this is to realize that YOU’RE WACK and start on the road to self-improvement. Let’s look at what you can do to make yourself less loathsome to chicks. :D

Improve your vocabulary. Go research the difference between “their” and “there”, and “your” and “you’re”. If this chick accidentally has a kid with you, she’s going to want the kid to be SMART, not STUPID.

Stop using primitive tactics to try to pull her. By using the same AMATEUR skillz that get you on with short-bus girls at the club, you’re demeaning the woman you’re kicking it to. She can’t believe that YOU believe you’re going to get on with such garbage. She feels low-rated and is less likely to give it up, so figure out how to step up your game, playah.

Stop trying to hide your kids. This is the United States of America. It’s very easy to find out that you have kids…. and a wife too, for that matter. Stop faking the funk. If you’re trying to get some on the side, “man up” about it. You might get turned down off the bat, but at least she respects you for not trying to get over.

If you’re *BITTER* about everything, KEEP. IT. TO. YOURSELF! :D Nobody’s interested in what you think you’re entitled to or how mad you are that you don’t have what the next man has. Suck it up, put a SMILE on your face, and show the chick a good time.

Go. To. The. Gym. You want to be in GOOD shape so that she’s HOPING you take your clothes off instead of DREADING the concept. :( You don’t want her to start singing the Fat Albert theme song when you emerge from the bathroom in your boxers.

If you’re NOT going to get in shape, at least DRESS WELL! Buy one of those hip-hop graffiti shirts so you look like a wall or an old-school subway car.

Watch black and white movies. Guys don’t know how to treat the ladies anymore. You have to watch old movies to receive the essence of male elegance and character.

And, the *most* important thing is to step to her “on the humble”. Do *NOT* act like you’re entitled to have her talk to you, text with you, email with you, video chat with you, dance with you, go home with you… NONE OF THAT. Just let her know you appreciate how she looks and you’d like to get to know more about her, then cross your fingers! :D

DatingGenius

Sharing Breakfast

Bill Cammack — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 13:51:02 +0000

Yesterday was a fantastic day. :D

I got to meet Kfir Pravda, who was here for a few hours in NYC Friday morning awaiting his connecting flight to Israel. I was familiar with Kfir from blogging as well as our involvement with the Yahoo Videoblogging Group.

We’ve had interesting discussions about the direction of online video and television, but I never figured I’d meet him in person, since I had no plans to travel to Israel.

Fortunately, our schedules and locations coincided, and I was able to enjoy the morning with Kfir, Kathryn Jones, Jeff Pulver and Keren Dagan.

One of the benefits of social media is that you can learn about people and their ideas at your own pace. If you see something interesting, you can bookmark their site or add them on a social network or follow them on a status update service. The effect is that you can gain a respect for someone without ever having met them in person, or if you’re a lurker, without them ever even knowing that you exist. I already appreciated Kfir for his ideas before I walked into “The Library” at the Regency Hotel. The intangibles of meeting him in person amplified that appreciation.

As much as you might be able to tell about someone from reading their blog posts or comments, there’s much more to be gleaned from having real-time, F2F conversation with someone. How do you greet each other? Do you have similar senses of humor? Is this person as sharp in a real-time, constantly-evolving conversation as they are in text, which they may have taken an hour to write, or in a video which they may have scripted or rehearsed many times before recording it? Is this someone with whom you would probably have been friends, had the “accident of birth” placed you in the same geographical location?

Previously, I asked “How Social is ‘Social’ Media?”. Yesterday, there was a ton of “Social” and a ton of “Media”! :D Jeff Pulver was broadcasting live to Qik utilizing his Nokia N95 and his portable hotspot (described/shown in the video below).

I recorded a Seesmic video with my MacBook Pro. So, not only did we share breakfast with each other, we shared ‘sharing breakfast’ with our friends on other social media sites as well. :D

This time, social media came through BIG TIME! :D Fortunately Keren was keeping an eye on the clock, because our conversation had become three hours long with no end in sight. There really ought to be laws against having so much fun before 2pm! :D

It was a pleasure meeting Kfir & Keren. It makes such a difference when someone steps off of a blog page or computer screen and you get to experience them IRL. It was great to hang out with Kathryn & Jeff as well. I’m going to strive to sift through the QUANTITY of consistently increasing adds and contacts and have more QUALITY interactions like this one through social media. :D

Bill Cammack â€¢ Cammack Media Group, LLC

Thou Shalt Not Drink Soda With Pop Rocks!

Bill Cammack — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 21:16:58 +0000

Now… Soda is good! :D Pop Rocks are FUN! :D (do they still make those?)… However….. They’re best when they’re kept separate. Do NOT drink soda with Pop Rocks! :D

Was that a public service announcement? No. It’s illustrative of a point… which is…..

Messing with attractive chicks is GOOD! :D Having a circle of friends is ***GOOD**!!! :D …. Messing with attractive chicks within your circle of friends?… No Good! :( :(

Of course, there are exceptions to this, like if you’re really, REALLY, *REALLY* into politics and the chick makes up weirdo recipes, cooks and eats them. Other than that, it’s particularly poor policy to mess with (or, some would say “date”) attractive chicks who have the exact same set of friends that you do.

There are *MANY* reasons for this. For the first one, I will refer to a classic statement about prostitution. I wish I knew who made it up, but I don’t, so I can’t attribute it. All I know is that DatingGenius didn’t make it up and doesn’t deserve any credit for it. :) The statement about prostitution reads:

“You don’t pay a woman to have sex with you… You pay her to go away afterwards! :D”

This is the first benefit of messing with chicks that are not your friends…. um… no, not that you get to pay them. Everybody pays for sex. When you take a girl out and pay for her dinner, you’re angling to get sex from her, so put that on the tab. When you buy a fancy car so you can pull better chicks, put that on the tab. When you buy a girl a drink at a bar in hopes that she’ll stand still long enough to listen to your sap rap about why she should date you, put that on the tab. When she stays at home playing XBOX Live while you’re working your 9-5? That’s right. Add that to the tab.

So you’re paying for sex either way, however, if the chick isn’t in your circle of friends, after you tap that, she goes away, and she STAYS away! :D You have your friends, she has hers. If you FEEL like overlapping them, you can. If you DON’T feel like overlapping them, there’s no chance she’s going to randomly appear at your regular haunts. This is good for when you want to relax and chill with friends without the spectre of some chick you’re messing with showing up in the middle of one of your knock-down, drag-out arguments against five people at a time. It’s also good on the off-chance that an attractive chick that you’d like to kick it to is going to randomly show up in a bar where you have to be quiet. :D

So, yes, you want your world to be as separate from hers as possible. Not only so you can get on with other chicks and maintain the status-quo of your more-important relationships, but because you want to have the freedom of choice to socially interact with her as opposed to knowing that the same people that invited YOU out invited HER out.

Another benefit is in the oh-so-unlikely case that you ever break up. Well… That statement assumes you were “dating” her in the first place, so let’s say “in case you don’t feel like messing with her anymore, or vice versa”. :D In either case, now, you have a chick that you used to have physical dealings with sitting around like a bump on a log while you feed grapes to some chick sitting on your lap that you met at the “don’t walk” sign while you were waiting to cross the avenue to come to the bar just now. Poooooor policy! :D See that? If you had just not eaten the Pop Rocks with the Soda, you would have been aiiite! :D

So, now, you can’t afford to get up and get a drink and leave the new chick with YOUR friends, because YOUR friends are HER friends, AND she’s sitting right there! :D You also can’t afford to let her go to the bathroom by herself, lest she suffer the slings and arrows of cockblocking females on the waiting line. :/ So, now, you’re basically tethered to this chick every time you bring her around your mutual friends like how those chicks put dog leashes on their babies and let them run around in the streets and think that it has no psychological effect on their kids to be walked just like actual dogs they see on leashes when they go to the park or on television. No good. Quality of life is LOW! :(

Benefit #3 is based on the fact that chicks can’t keep their mouths shut about stuff… ESPECIALLY if they’re getting “hit off proppah”. So, if you want every chick that you know to hear the details about how you ‘dish it out’, go ahead and mess with girls in your circle. When you start getting those funny looks out of the corners of their eyes like they know something that you don’t know they know… That’s what happened. Under normal circumstances (read: The chick is NOT in your circle of friends), this is a *great* thing, because whether they admit it to her or not, her friends are going to want you to do to THEM what you did to HER! :D In this case, it’s the absolute worst because now you’ve created MORE potential Pop Rocks & Soda situations instead of FEWER, or prefereably NONE! :D

Now, this doesn’t mean to *only* ‘date’ enemies. Dating enemies comes in handy because after y’all stop messing and they’re mad at you, nothing’s different because they were mad at you before you tapped it. :D How convenient is THAT? :D Dating enemies is also uniquely useful for “I Hate You sex” and “Make-Up sex”, but that’s an entirely different topic! ;)

DatingGenius

Bill Cammack » fun

Making Out & Exclusive Commitments

Actually…

Hypothetically…

Relationships & Recreation

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