If you’re not from New York City, and specifically Manhattan, you’re not going to understand what this is a picture of. :)

Manhattan has garbage collection days. They don’t come get the garbage every day. This means that when stores know that the day is coming up, they bring all their garbage bags from the basement and pile them up out on the sidewalk.

Sometimes, it’s only three bags, but it could easily be 10-20 garbage bags making their own little mountain out in the street.

The point is that the garbagemen are going to come get the bags in the wee hours of the morning so that your customers never see a stack of garbage out in front of your restaurant or whatever.

Meanwhile, this is the exact same time that people go out to party here. A lot of times, people don’t even ARRIVE to bars before midnight, and since the bars close around 4:30am, there’s often a correlation between when drunk-ass-people stumble their asses out of a bar and when this mountain of garbage bags is chillin’ outside, waiting to get picked up.

Cold Lampin’ In The Garbage

So… What you’re looking at in this picture, which was snapped by my friend G.C., is a female, OUTSIDE!, in the street, out on the sidewalk near the curb, cold lampin’ in a stack of garbage bags, gettin’ her SNOOZE on, probably because she’s too drunk to do anything else. Needless to say, ladies… This is *NOT* a Good Look. :D

Women roll in packs around here. You can easily spot groups of 4-5 gals at a time mosseing around town. There are a lot of complaints from guys about how nosey these girls are in each other’s business, especially when you’re about to get a rap and one or more of them arrive to cockblock you for no apparent reason. Well… THIS is the reason.

Ladies!… Stop. Incapacitating. Yourselves. When. You. Go. Out. To. Party!. Srsly. In this case, G.C. did the neighborly thing and called the cops so they could come see if they could wake her ass up and get her moving to wherever she lives. You don’t want to actually wake someone like this up, because (as I well know, myself) people that are drunk don’t have the best memory and could easily blame YOU for the condition they put THEMSELVES in, even though all you were trying to do was look out for someone in a bad situation as we all should.

The other reason is that if she had been actually hurt instead of sleeping, you don’t want to get fingerprints on her from trying to remove her from her personal stack of garbage. The obvious exception would be if you perceived her to be choking or something, then you have to take your chances and help her out. Other than that, your only obligation is to call the cops and make sure nobody ***** with her until the cops get there.

Escort The Ladies Home

The pic of the chick in the garbage illustrates why I ALWAYS put women IN their apartments after we hang out (except in the cases where they live in the totally opposite direction from me and it would take me another hour or two to get home, in which case I make sure they get in a YELLOW cab and text me when they get home).

I was working a couple of months ago with my friends Rosie & Autumn and I’m standing there waiting with them for their car service to leave, and they’re telling me some ******** about how nobody’s going to mess with them because they know Kung Fu or something, and I’m like :/

I eventually ended up leaving, but I wasn’t happy about it. The only reason I left was that we were in a well-populated area and we had been WORKING, not DRINKING, so I didn’t have any doubt that they’d get their car eventually and make it home safely.

One of the things about Manhattan, NYC is that we can drink as much as we like because we have 24/7 yellow cab service. I can get a cab within 5 minutes at 5am. Lots of times, the cabbie’s had to wake me up so I could get the **** out of his cab! :D Lots of times, friends of mine who were less wasted than I was made sure that *I* got home, so I make sure that I return that favor and look out for women I’m spending time with. Saying “PEACE!” at the door of the bar and leaving her to stumble down the street and MAYBE make it to the avenue and flag down a cab instead of landing in a bunch of garbage to sleep it off is completely unacceptable to me. Completely.

The funny thing about this is that it looks like a scam! :D It looks like I’m trying to take advantage of them by saying “Oh… Let me walk you home! >:D” or getting out of the cab with them to walk them upstairs to their apartments. It looks like the old “Can I use your bathroom?” gimmick to get in a chick’s house and try to get some at the last minute. The fact of the matter is that I’ve SEEN exactly what this picture shows. I’ve SEEN guys and gals sprawled out on the concrete sidewalks of NYC at 2-5am, sleeping as if they were in their own beds. Since that’s not what I want for my friends, I do the best I can to make sure they get TO their block, TO their building, upstairs TO their floor, INSIDE their apartments and LOCK THE DOOR after I leave.

Homegirls, UNITE!!! :D

This is why it’s so important for those packs of gals wandering the streets of Manhattan to keep up with each other’s whereabouts. I know we hate it as guys when these nosey broads (THANK YOU FOR “BROADS”, MTV’S JERSEY SHORE!!! :D) destroy our raps by pulling their girlfriends away from us just before we get to make out with her, but it’s an important part of the NYC ecosystem. Her girlfriends don’t know a) how incapacitated she currently is, and b) what YOU’RE going to do with her once she passes out. Even though chicks tend to overdo it, it’s their sworn duty to look out for each other, especially when they know that if their girl gets tipsy, she’s liable to give it up to any guy she finds sexually attactive, but “saving her from herself” is an entirely different issue. :)

All I see in this pic is a chick sleeping in the garbage, but I personally feel that this was a HEF (Homegirl Epic Failure). This is why chicks need to go out in packs. If only two gals go out together and one of them gets a rap, her homegirl is Ass Out (Also said as Assed Out, meaning S.O.L. or **** Out of Luck). The benefit of having 4-6 girls roll out together is that there’s ZERO chance that ALL of them are going to get guys that evening, which means that there will be enough stragglers with nothing better to do than take headcounts and go try to find and collect the other girls in the group that may have placed themselves in compromising positions. Ladies!!.. It’s imperative that you leave the club/bar with the same number of chicks you entered the bar with, OR if you know that you’re about to go get some, make sure that you put your girl in a legitimate cab before you bounce.

Do like The U.S. Marines… “No Man Left Behind!”… Except in this case, it’s more like “No Chick Left Assed-Out!”, Nah Meen? :D

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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Please keep your eye on the ball, people. Wake up. Stop letting people tell you gibberish that clouds your minds to the facts, if you’re going to hire them to work for you or even associate them with your brand.

Some people in this space are always “Talkin’ LOUD, and Sayin’ NOTHIN’!”. The funny thing about this is that since for the most part, there aren’t real professionals in ANYTHING strewn across the Social Meda Expert world, the only thing that businesses have to make their hiring decisions on is what people tell them who know only marginally more than they do to begin with.

As an example, let’s look at the video aspect of Social Media. Basically, video on the net is an extension of the fad of emailing jokes to people in the mornings. You would come to work and turn on your computer and there would be several jokes emailed to you from people that thought the jokes were funny. Eventually, this style of passing an email from person to person was termed “viral”, and the goal became to make “viral videos”.

Once YouTube came around and other online video hosts, the natural extension of email jokes was videos of kids falling off of skateboards and breaking their faces or some other kind of goofy, talentless video snippet that caused people to go “Oh wow. That was interesting. I’m going to make sure all my friends see this”.

This garbage became the state of the art in viral videos. People began scrambling and falling all over themselves to duplicate the “popularity” of viral videos, because the more people that saw these things, the more hits they got, and the more hits they got, the more people could sell ads on the pages. The bottom line, therefore, has always been profit.

The other benefit turned out to be “visibility”. People began to incorrectly associate the number of hits a video would get with how “popular” the content creator was. This is obviously ridiculous, because someone could get a million hits for an unedited video of a dog on a skateboard and someone else could get 50 hits for an uploaded news piece that could very well have ran on broadcast television. Once again, “the bottom line” wins out, and the person who can deliver the million garbage hits is seen as more useful, because they might be able to duplicate that on your project.

A couple of problems with this is that a) a lot of the comments on YouTube are negative, so the number of hits isn’t an indication of fans in the first place, and b) a lot of people were “juking their stats” and clicking on their own videos to make it look like a lot of people were watching them when they really weren’t. By juking stats on YouTube, they were able to catch the eye of the people in charge of “featuring” videos (placing them in a list which indicated that these videos were worth watching), which got them even more views. The cycle continued as people would subscribe to the jukers, making it easy for the same people to get featured over and over.

Eventually, people started wanting to use video for business. They didn’t know what they wanted to do, but they knew they wanted to be involved. This led to the question of how to find people that knew how to do videos and the only parameter they had to go on was number of hits or supposed “popularity”. Aiding them in figuring out who was a “good” videomaker was the presence each person had on Social Media apps & sites. Thousands of people cannot be wrong… right? :/

So now, you have several ways to tell who should be doing videos for your company and who should not… Except all of your parameters are based on NOTHING that indicates skill AT. ALL. Since you don’t have any video professionals in the field, there’s nobody that can EP (Executive Produce) your videos. Therefore, the people doing the hiring of content creators are ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS about what a good or even a DECENT video is, the people in charge of signing the checks are similarly clueless, and nobody in your company knows that you’re hiring a CLOWN to supposedly enhance your site with video.

Here’s the problem. Even though you can trick people into visiting your site with one or two boring, poorly shot and barely-edited videos, people get the picture after that and stop watching. Unless you got your ROI from those brief visits, your money went down the drain. On top of that, the videos that were created for your site were NOT viral. They failed even to meet the bottom-line business reasons why you commissioned the work in the first place.

Another problem is that just because someone has a bunch of friends & followers, that doesn’t mean they can convert. If you have 20,000 Twitter followers and you post that you’re doing a live show and 19 people show up……. If you have 60,000 Twitter followers and feel the need to hide your view counts on your show because they were steadily maxing out in the double digits before you hid the stats……..

On top of that, you’ve now put someone who knows NOTHING about entertainment or immersion in charge of an aspect of your brand that’s supposed to be entertaining AND immersive.

Also, who is it really that’s coming to your site to see the work that this person did? Most likely, it’s the people that were already following them. It’s not anybody new, because new people would be attracted by VALUE and QUALITY. Since neither exists in your show, it’s clearly only the fanboys that are showing up, so you’re preaching to the choir. “The choir” isn’t very likely to buy whatever your sponsor’s selling, because they already own it because they already heard the content creator’s opinions about what to buy on some other site.

How to get around this? Let it go. Just let it go. If you’re no good at doing video, do audio. Remember radio? That’s for you. Sit down in your house, turn on your microphone and run your mouth. Don’t try to do shows you don’t know how to edit. Don’t try to do live shows unless it’s time-sensitive information and you’re sure that people actually care about what you or your guest have to say RIGHT NOW. Set up an audio stream on your website, add a text chat and go for it.

From the company’s side, do some research for a change. Look at some SAMPLES of people’s work before you hire them. If you can’t FIND any samples, they probably don’t exist. If you can’t FIND anyone who’s willing to admit they did business with a supposed video producer, those clients probably don’t exist either.

Also, make sure you find someone who knows the difference between a good video and garbage. Don’t just put the person who’s the least retarded in Social Media in charge of hiring a content creator. There’s a reason why that person’s videos were garbage in the past. If they bring the same sensibilities and crew to your company, look forward to more of the same garbage, except on YOUR dime this time.

If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all. Save your company the money, spare the public the time it took them to figure out that your show wasn’t worth watching, and spare your BRAND the embarrassment of people wondering why the lunatics are running the asylum.

~Bill Cammack

Twitter: BillCammack
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Social Media Category: billcammack.com/category/social-media
 

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In the internet video game, there are lots of ways to call attention to yourself, your product or your website. Kfir Pravda writes:

“And we didn’t talk about audio and video productions. Yes, you can sit in-front of your webcam and talk. But unless you are extremely attractive, or funny, or interesting, no one will watch your stuff besides your mom and friends. Not necessarily a bad thing, but let’s set the expectations. And hey, being interesting, attractive, funny, interesting – doesn’t it sounds just like creating content in every other medium? Yes it is! The fact that your content is online doesn’t mean it can be crappy. People will notice if it is crappy. Really. Most people don’t care if they get their content from their laptop or TV – they just want good content. So all this Web 2.0 myth that everyone can just put his or hers content online and immediately people would watch it is far from being true.”

This is absolutely true. Even having good content doesn’t make you exempt from creating a pleasant, immersive environment for your viewers. Unfortunately, a lot of internet video isn’t made with the viewer in mind at all. It’s made with MONEY in mind, specifically, being CHEAP with money and not actually caring about the QUALITY of the video they produce AT.ALL.

Here’s the problem with internet video…. When someone puts a video on youtube, for instance, you can trace the IP, but you have no information about the person AT THAT IP that clicked on the video. This means you can’t prove demographics. If you can’t prove demographics, you can’t sell advertisements to companies, because there’s no guarantee that men between the ages of X and Y that own lawns and might buy lawn mowers are watching this particular video or show. This means the only way you can sell ads is by impressions, basically using a shotgun tactic and saying “This show gets 300,000 downloads a day… SOMEBODY in there has to be of value to you”. Of course, there are banner ads and sponsorships, but I’m talking about specifically advertising on individual videos. You can do pre-roll, mid-roll or post-roll… Either way, you can’t get the big money from potential advertisers because you can’t prove WHO’S watching your show.

This means that video shows have to rely on revenue sharing or generalized, group advertisement plans that you can opt in or out of. There are lots of studies that show that neither of these generate much $$$ unless you do something that goes viral and gets millions of hits. The odds of doing that consistently are slim and none… and slim left town.

This means that in general, people aren’t getting much ROI from posting video to the internet. This is why the focus changes from creation and “production value” to ‘The Bottom Line’. The Bottom Line is to spend less than you get back from revenue sharing and other opportunities to have your videos made. This is how we end up with situations of people creating video that’s total and absolute *GARBAGE* that somehow makes it to the internet attached to a company’s brand. The company is more interested in NOT PAYING for the video they get than outputting good videos and receiving respect and accolades for their accomplishments. THEN, when they get dragged through the mud by someone who chooses to point out the obvious fact that the Emperor has no clothes on, they wonder how this happened to them. :/

Actually, there’s another term that comes into play here. It’s called UGC, which stands for User-Generated Content. Essentially what this means is that people not associated with your company upload video that they’re hoping will become part of your show. Rob Czar & Corinne Leigh make fantastic use of UGC in their show “Thread Heads” (ThreadBanger.com). Their fans are inspired by watching Rob & Corinne’s episodes and send their own footage in to the show. Sometimes, this is just them showing what they made, and sometimes, they create their own how-to videos. This is the way UGC is supposed to work and is a demonstration of what happens when viewers join an interactive internet community and become not only fans but passionate subscribers.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know the difference between UGC and *GARBAGE*. The reason UGC looks the way it does is because THERE.IS.NO.BUDGET. None. Whomever did that did not get paid a dime to make the video and then uploaded it to youtube or wherever for free. Also, the UGC creators do NOT come with the stamp of approval of the company’s brand. The indication is clearly that “These are fans of ours that potentially know NOTHING about video at all that wanted to participate in our show. We appreciate what they’ve done and will post their videos in this episode”. This is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from stamping someone with your brand’s seal of approval and then letting them release garbage.

The first problem is that your brand appears to have ZERO taste in video creation. None. No guidelines were set. Nobody had to approve the videos before they went on your site. There’s no minimum quality requirement to post videos under your brand’s name. Clearly, this is a horrible opinion for people to have of you and your company. This also comes back to budget, because clearly, you didn’t pay anyone to EP (Executive Produce) your show. If you don’t have any EPs and you don’t have any producers that know what they’re doing when it comes to video and ESPECIALLY if you don’t have any EDITORS that might be able to salvage something out of the UGC-esque garbage you’ve selected people to produce, doing video might not have been a good idea. Stick to audio next time.

Second, your company looks CHEAP. It’s obvious that in your efforts to create video for the internet, you’re not willing to put one red cent into the production, because it looks exactly that same as all the other made-for-free video that’s on the net, whether it was shot by an elementary school student or a soccer mom watching her kids from the sidelines. The problem with this is that nobody else is going to want to put videos on your site alongside who KNOWS what other garbage productions are coming down the line? Also, this is known as half-stepping… Getting involved with something, but not wholeheartedly. Another poor look for your brand.

Third, you’re insulting your audience. Outputting garbage video is the equivalent of having a store with desirable merchandise in it and letting the letters fall off of your store front… or the letters don’t all don’t light up… It’s like “No… We’re not going to respect YOU, the viewer by offering you an entertaining or immersive experience….. But come in and buy, ANYWAY!”

The argument against production value in online video is that “Content is King”. They want you to focus on what’s being said… Not that the framing is off… Not that the sound is horrible… Not that the people drone on and on and on and on and on incessantly… Not that the graphics abruptly smash on and off the screen… Not that the company was too cheap to buy a tripod so the video shakes around like Saving Private Ryan. Again, that’s what AUDIO’s for. Make a nice .mp3 file, upload it and call it a day. Video is supposed to ADD to the experience, not SUBTRACT from it. Worst-case scenario, do it like when the news has a correspondent on the phone from another country. Put a decent-looking still frame on the screen of the subject of the video and let the audio run under that.

The reason companies continue to output garbage is because their hits are coming neither from content nor from production value….. Their hits are coming from *popularity*. There’s no reason to do ANYTHING decent when it comes to video because the people tuning in are already fans of the people making the videos. You can tell this by looking at the comments, which are invariably positive and don’t mention ANYTHING about the quality of the video itself. There are only two reasons this would happen. Either comments are being edited/removed or, as Kfir stated above, the only people showing up to the broadcast are your friends and family. That’s all well and good as long as you have THOUSANDS of friends. :/

So, that seems to be the key to internet video these days. Play to the bottom line by neglecting quality and treating video like it doesn’t need to be entertaining OR even *watchable*. Draw people to the show through popularity, and if your product’s garbage? Who cares? You already increased your page view and video play statistics to sell to the advertiser….

A job well done. :/

~Bill Cammack

Twitter: BillCammack
Social Media Category: billcammack.com/category/social-media
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2008 is going to be the year when “Live” becomes a MAJOR player as far as video on the internet. IMO, Qik is the frontrunner right now, with live mobile. The first person I was aware of running around town with a Nokia N-Series phone was Steve Garfield. Eventually, I became aware of Rupert Howe over in “Jolly Old”, filming, editing and uploading from his Nokia. At the time, it was quaint. At this point, it’s turned into a fad, and more and more people are “going live”. Not that what Steve or Rupert were doing was live video, but it was as close as you could get at the time.

Meanwhile, status update sites became all the rage. Now, whenever you want, you can broadcast to your “followers” what you’d like them to know. You can also receive information from people before it makes MSM headlines, like some bridge falling down in some town nobody’s paying attention to. As long as SOMEBODY sees it and twitters it (or pownce, jaiku…), relatively immediately, we know in New York City what’s going on in the sticks.

Unfortunately, all this new “look at me” media doesn’t come with a manual. :D It shouldn’t come with a manual, because that way, all the new people flooding in don’t mentally restrict themselves to the purported use of the site or app. However, for people that don’t understand how media works, they could end up broadcasting things they didn’t intend to, such as their lack of relevance and/or interesting things to say, and in the worst-case scenario… that they just don’t know what they’re talking about. There’s nothing wrong with that, but people need to be aware that they’re doing this to themselves.

This post isn’t for/about people that frivolously post text/audio/video on the internet as something to do. This is for people trying to make a name for themselves as knowledgeable people within their particular echo chamber.

There’s a difference between demonstrating that you own something and demonstrating that you truly understand what it is, how it works and how to utilize it. There’s a difference between demonstrating that you know ABOUT something and demonstrating that you’re someone knowledgeable and/or respected in that field. The more you go “Look at me!!! Here I am!!! Over here!!!”, the more opportunities you’re giving people to assess what you’re bringing to the table. If what you’re bringing is usually GARBAGE, you’re better off sparing yourself so much quantity and focusing on your quality.

Let’s say, for instance, that I told you I was going to the Yankees game, and I was going to text blog what was going on. Then, during the game, you start seeing this in my twitter stream:

It’s pretty warm today, considering it’s the Ides of March
Here we GO! The Yankees are warming up
Turns out that it didn’t rain as they predicted
The other team’s taking the field, sonnnnnn
I think I’ll buy some food
What a hit! :O
Seventh Inning Stretch!
I think that’s Stacey Dash! :O
Great game! Leaving the stadium to meet up with friends

Now… The FIRST thing that’s going to come to mind is “THAT WAS THE *WORST* ACCOUNT OF A BASEBALL GAME, EVER!” The second is going to be “Remind me not to hire that guy to blog ANYTHING”. The third is going to be “That was a tremendous waste of bandwidth”… Etc etc etc… Nothing positive. The only good things derived from something like this might be “He owns a cell phone”, “He knows how to connect twitter to his phone”, “He goes to Yankees games” and “He got to see Stacey Dash in person”.

Meanwhile, you STILL didn’t get the information. So then, let’s say you asked me directly what happened during the game, and I told you this:

The Yankees were there
The other team showed up too
People in the stands had a good time
There were some pitches and some hits
A couple of guys struck out
At the end, everyone left the stadium

Do you see how RIDICULOUS that account is? You would think that I was either avoiding talking about the game on purpose or that I really didn’t go to the game AT ALL. I didn’t tell you ONE SPECIFIC INSTANCE of anything that happened at the game. I didn’t tell you what happened TO anyone in the game, pro or con. I didn’t tell you what *I* thought about what happened during the game.

So, while I thought I was being clever and technological, all I was doing was demonstrating that either I was being purposefully evasive or I can attend and watch an event without understanding what happened right in front of my face… OR that I can understand what happened, but can’t properly articulate my thoughts. NONE. OF. THOSE. ARE. GOOD. THINGS! :D

What you say is important. What you DON’T say is also important. WHEN you say those things counts as well. If your goal is to become a credible and respected source of information for people, you need to be RELEVANT, CURRENT, KNOWLEDGEABLE and CONSISTENT.

If you can’t do that, save your text/audio/video until you have something useful to contribute.

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OK Fellaz, let’s get down to brass tacks here.

The way “dating” is set up in patriarchal society, it’s up to YOU, as the guy, to run the show. YOU kick it to the chick, she decides whether to give you some or not. You make the money. You make the decisions. You’re the “head of household”. No matter how much this society tries to make you into women, you’re *NOT*, so get over it and handle your business when it comes to chicks.

Having said that….. Since it’s YOUR responsibility to pull the chick, it’s YOUR responsiblity to be FLY! That’s a slang term meaning VERY GOOD in general, but in this case, we’re talking about your overall presentation. We’re talking about how you look, how you act, what shape you’re in, how ambitous you are in your career, how you handle your money… Top to Bottom, you have to be better than the next man if you think you’re going to get the rap to some chick.

LIFE. IS. NOT. FAIR.

You are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend.
You are not ENTITLED to have any female friends AT ALL.
You are not ENTITLED to have sex with a chick even if she likes hanging out with you.
You are not ENTITLED to have instant messenger text or video chats with chicks.
You are not ENTITLED to responses to your emails or direct messages.
You *ARE* entitled to….. *NOTHING*. :D

All men are NOT created equal. We may have been born through the same process, but some of us have distinct advantages over others. Go look up Alpha Males, Beta Males and Omega Males. If you’re a natural, chicks just like you and that’s that. You can do whatever you want, such as write blog posts that talk yang about males and females AT THE SAME TIME, and you will still have girls attracted to you just by walking in the door. Life Isn’t Fair. :D

The problem with Omega Males is that they refuse to correctly perceive themselves as the bottom of the barrel. They think to themselves “That good-looking, in-shape, well-educated, friendly, gregarious, charming, well-spoken guy over there can get girls…. so can I!” BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wrong.

The first thing Omega Males need to do is realize their position in life. It’s like going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unless you admit you have a problem, you’ll never go for treatment. The first step is admitting that YOU’RE WACK! … Say it with me now… “I am wack”. See? Don’t you feel better now? :D NOW we can get to the part where you attempt to overcome your deficiencies. See, by thinking you’re the same as guys that women actually WANT to talk to them, you’re doing yourself a disservice because you’re not trying as hard as *YOU* need to in order to pull a decent female. Then, when the chick cuts off communications with you, you try to blame it on her. You want to say she’s fickle or a tease or she led you on. Let me let you in on a little secret…..

Chicks in general are non-confrontational. You would think that’s a good thing, but it isn’t… not for YOU. It’s good for guys that girls WANT, because you say “let’s get out of here ;)” and she says “ok” and it’s on and poppin’. The problem for YOU is that she never wanted to talk to you in the first place. She saw you come in the door. She saw you on the dance floor. She saw you post up in her area. She saw you looking out the corner of your eye to try to gauge if you’d be successful in rapping to her or not. She knew what you wanted when you asked her what time it is or if she’d like to dance. She knew you were going to try to get on. She knew you would ask her for her number…..

This is where the non-confrontational part comes in. She will do one of three things. She will inform you that she’s not going to give you her number, she will give you a fake number or she will give you a real number.

If she tells you “no” from the get, she’s going to have to listen to you whining and trying to change her mind.

If she gives you a fake number, she takes the risk that you will call her immediately and realize that you connected to Pizza Hut. More whining from you and trying to change her mind. On top of that, she looks like an IDIOT because she “doesn’t know her own telephone number”. Now, she has to either tell you “no” or give up the real number.

If she gives you the real number, it’s still a trap. :) There are only two ways you can call her. With or without Caller ID. If you call her with your number blocked, she’s going to let it go to the machine, because she DOESN’T know who’s calling her. If you call her with your number showing, she’s going to let it go to the machine because she DOES know who’s calling her… Or, to put it another way, she knows it’s not anybody calling whom she actually picks up the phone for.

All paths here lead to frustration. The only way around this is to realize that YOU’RE WACK and start on the road to self-improvement. Let’s look at what you can do to make yourself less loathsome to chicks. :D

Improve your vocabulary. Go research the difference between “their” and “there”, and “your” and “you’re”. If this chick accidentally has a kid with you, she’s going to want the kid to be SMART, not STUPID.

Stop using primitive tactics to try to pull her. By using the same AMATEUR skillz that get you on with short-bus girls at the club, you’re demeaning the woman you’re kicking it to. She can’t believe that YOU believe you’re going to get on with such garbage. She feels low-rated and is less likely to give it up, so figure out how to step up your game, playah.

Stop trying to hide your kids. This is the United States of America. It’s very easy to find out that you have kids…. and a wife too, for that matter. Stop faking the funk. If you’re trying to get some on the side, “man up” about it. You might get turned down off the bat, but at least she respects you for not trying to get over.

If you’re *BITTER* about everything, KEEP. IT. TO. YOURSELF! :D Nobody’s interested in what you think you’re entitled to or how mad you are that you don’t have what the next man has. Suck it up, put a SMILE on your face, and show the chick a good time.

Go. To. The. Gym. You want to be in GOOD shape so that she’s HOPING you take your clothes off instead of DREADING the concept. :( You don’t want her to start singing the Fat Albert theme song when you emerge from the bathroom in your boxers.

If you’re NOT going to get in shape, at least DRESS WELL! Buy one of those hip-hop graffiti shirts so you look like a wall or an old-school subway car.

Watch black and white movies. Guys don’t know how to treat the ladies anymore. You have to watch old movies to receive the essence of male elegance and character.

And, the *most* important thing is to step to her “on the humble”. Do *NOT* act like you’re entitled to have her talk to you, text with you, email with you, video chat with you, dance with you, go home with you… NONE OF THAT. Just let her know you appreciate how she looks and you’d like to get to know more about her, then cross your fingers! :D

DatingGenius

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