Bill Cammack

A reader asked me a question to the effect of whether guys expect sex on the fourth date. I thought this was very interesting because I hadn’t ever considered the concept before. Offhand, I would say “No. Sex is Not expected on the fourth date”.
 
Sex is expected immediately.

What He’s Thinking

The only reason he spoke to you in the first place was that he thought you were attractive. Read the rest of this entry »

So.. Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re dating someone that likes to run their mouth ad infinitum about NEVER ANYTHING IMPORTANT… What you need to learn is how to seem like you’re paying attention to their drivel when you’re actually not.

This is important because if you actively ignore them, it could have adverse effects on your getting laid. Later for THAT! :D .. However, you also can’t afford to focus on what they’re saying to you, because a) it’s completely meaningless and devoid of educational content and b) it’s 4th & 3 on the 12 yard line.

Cricket Status

So the way to deal with this is to process what your SO’s saying in the background, meaning they’re saying it in the foreground, probably actually in between you and the television, but you mentally place them in the background, similar to crickets. Read the rest of this entry »

Ladies!!! You need to stop relying on so-called Women’s Intuition to tell you what your boyfriend thinks about you. You’re going to have to take a proactive stance and figure these things out for yourself.

The best way to do this is to have an honest conversation with him about “Where is this relationship going?”, yadda yadda. If he won’t agree to this, you’re going to need to employ some underhanded methods to get the truth so you know whether you should stick with this guy or move on.

Here are some tips on how to make that happen! ;)

Play Video Games With Him

It’s easy for your boyfriend to be civil towards you while you’re out to dinner or watching a movie. That’s because you’re not doing anything important. Your job is to look good and be sexy. It’s hard to screw that up if you happen to look good and you happen to be sexy.

Now.. If you fail to meet him at the teleporter and shoot the guys that are trying to stop him from capturing the flag, you’re going to find out what he really thinks about you. If you fail to deliver that smoke grenade on-point and he gets shot while trying to secure the base, you’re gonna get screamed on. If you go 0-12 in the deathmatch and y’all’s team loses by 11 points, you might not be getting laid tonight.

Get Him Drunk

It’s easy for your man to play it off that he’s only kicking’ it with you while he’s sober. Take him to the bar/club and get a few dozen drinks in him and see how he acts. If he elbows you, points somewhere and goes “Damn Sunn… Check out that #&$^%’s ass over there! :O”, the memory of your relationship didn’t survive his current state of inebriation. Read the rest of this entry »

My ex and I had a superbly, fantastically EXCELLENT relationship for approximately four years… She would lie to me, and I would catch her lying. :D

I’m sure that doesn’t sound excellent to *you*, but it was for me. The fact that she was constantly lying meant that she was constantly trying to get over on me. It meant that she was going ALL OUT to get her way in situations. I admire and respect that, and I’m the same way. I want to WIN. I like being around people that WANT TO WIN and are willing to do whatever they have to do to achieve their goals.

What’s good about liars?

The fantastic part about this is that I kept experiencing instances where I could collect data about how she acts, sounds and looks when she’s telling the truth and when she isn’t. Eventually, maybe one year into our relationship, well, let’s say the ‘romantic’ part of our relationship, since we’re still close, to this very day… I had learned her behaviors so well that I could tell by her breathing patterns how she felt about things. There was this little “catch” in her breathing that would occur when she stopped “being” and started “thinking”. It was like Keanu seeing the double-cat in The Matrix. I knew that whatever I was about to get was something she was crafting or making up as opposed to something that she was naturally giving me, from her heart & soul. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s been a lot of talk this week about what a guy should and shouldn’t do when his girl acts up. The majority of people who chimed in said “A man should *never* hit a woman”. Fewer people remarked “If she raises her hands like a man, she should be prepared to get dealt with like a man”. The way I see it… If you even have to THINK about fighting with your “significant other”, you’re dating the wrong person.

Here are my top 5 tips on how to NOT let your girl stress you out:

1) Get more girls

Did you ever notice that every time we hear about some kind of male vs. female violence, it’s always some dude that only has ONE chick? Think about that. When was the last time you heard of a guy that had multiple girlfriends getting into something physical with one of them? Never.

That’s because that guy has CHOICE. He has OPTIONS. If one chick’s trippin’ out, you just don’t talk to her until she gets her mind right. Case closed. *wiping hands* If she doesn’t get her mind right… Who cares? You’re still living the life you want to live, except SHE’S not involved in it.

Guys with one chick can’t afford this “I don’t need her, I’ll let the welfare feed her” mental state. When you remove a gal from the roster, it makes a huge difference whether you’re going from 4 girlfriends to 3 or from 1 girlfriend to 0. Zero Women is a state or condition that you want to avoid at all costs. Women come in handy from time to time, and it’s extremely stressful when you’re like “D-OH! Don’t Got None!”. Read the rest of this entry »

I have this friend… We’ll call him “B”……. And… NO, it’s not ME! :/ This isn’t one of those “I have a friend” confessional stories.

So, I met “B” and hung out with him a couple of times and like Arianna supposedly said, I metabolize experiences fast, so I pretty much knew what to expect from “B” when he was on the scene. He had a consistent demeanor and was an overall nice guy and a thoughtful person.

So, fast forward a few months, and I arrive at this cookout, and I see that “B” got there before I did, and he’s talking to a chick. So I’m like “aiiiiiiiite? Way to go, “B”, get your rap ON! :D “… So I walk up to them, and tell “B” ‘hi’, and he introduces me to the woman he’s chatting with, whom we’ll call “V”. I spoke with “V” briefly, as I was just arriving and needed to know where they had stashed the brews!

I excused myself to grab a beer and when I turned back around to look in B & V’s direction, I noticed something out of the ordinary. B was smiling too much! :D Just. Too. Damned. Much! haha It was completely outside of his “normal” demeanor. I stayed over by the brews, observing, but it just didn’t go away! B just kept smiling and smiling and smiling and smiling. Rapt attention, hanging on every single word V was saying. V was smiling also, but that might have been perfectly normal for her, since I had never met her before.

Eventually, I went over and re-joined the conversation, and it just didn’t stop. It was on some kind of Stepford Wives ish, except BOTH OF THEM were brainwashed, and not just the chick. :D

At some point, they left the party, but not before I became aware that B was dating V. They just walked off into the sunset, smiling their asses off like the people in Whoville before The Grinch stole their Christmas.

Fast forward a few more months, and I got to hang out with B & V again, still smiling their asses off, except now they’re married. This took me back to a situation where I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she asked me something like “How old do guys have to be before they’re ready to settle down?”. I knew who she was dating at the time, and didn’t want to tell her she just WASN’T THE ONE that was going to inspire him to “settle”. It doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with how old a guy is or some change that’s supposed to occur within his system on its own. It has EVERYTHING to do with the difference that it makes to him that SHE’S around.
Here in NYC, we meet women every single day…. at least *I* do. I’ll be meeting some more tonight, and some more tomorrow night. *yawn*. When I saw B talking to V, I thought he was starting his rap, but he was in the midst of it. AFAIK, he could have met her right there at that cookout, but it turns out he had brought her with him. *NOTE* That’s a pretty good sign, ladies. If a guy starts dragging you around to social engagements, that normally means that he prefers YOUR company to the random odds of the company he’ll encounter at the event.

Another good sign is that he looked like there was some kind of magnet pulling him towards V, hahaha like it would have been a pain or a struggle to look somewhere else or listen to what someone else had to say when she was right there to be enjoyed, verbally and visually.

So the point is, if you want to know how your relationship’s doing, don’t ask The Kid, :D Use your “woman’s intuition” to determine whether or not you have ANY effect on him whatsoever. If you don’t, your relationship probably won’t be escalating anywhere anytime soon. If you do, he may already be as into you as he’s going to be, which means that regardless of what he CALLS your relationship, he’s “bout-it bout-it” when it comes to you. That’s obviously way more important than whether he gives you a new title or puts a ring on your finger.

I saw the same thing happen with another friend of mine. I had already “metabolized” how he interacted with chicks and then I hung out with him one time with this new chick (meaning *I* had never seen her before), and I swore up and down she had to be his cousin or something, because of his totally different demeanor around her. He was a lot more calm and “chill”. He was clearly where he wanted to be and around someone he loved to be around. That was the difference that SHE made in his life. They’re not married yet, but he bought her a couch, which is pretty much the same thing. :D

Also, in both cases, the women in question weren’t doing anything. Nothing. :) Not cooking, not cleaning, not sexing, not dancing, not trying to be sultry, not dressed in any particular fashion, probably not excessively rich (though I don’t know), both attractive but neither a model… just by being themselves, they brought incredible amounts of enjoyment to their men, which made a difference and made them the cream that rose to the top.

So that’s the answer, ladies. It has nothing to do with WHEN he’ll feel committed to you and everything to do with how he feels when you’re around. If you don’t feel like he’s really feelin’ ya, it’s time to step your game up, get comfortable with your relationship as-is, or step to the left and spend time with someone who honestly, authentically enjoys your company and appreciates you for who you are.

~Bill

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This is not a continuation of “Online Dating Tactics”. This is a response to a BlogHer post by Zandria M, entitled “Dating: ‘Tis the Season”.

Zandria: I’ve heard that more breakups occur during the holiday season than any other time of year. [...snip...] The thing is, though, I haven’t seen a drop in the amount of people looking for dates online. In fact, I’m receiving more expressions of interest than I did when I first signed up over the summer.

hehehe Excellent read, Zandria. :) Let me tell you what’s going on.

You explained why you’re getting more expressions of interest now than you did over the summer. Guys are dumping their girls for the holiday season OR they’ve already DECIDED that they’re dumping their girls, so they’re trolling for more women ahead of time. It’s like being a freelancer in a work situation. As a video editor, I get MORE work when people get fired or companies downsize. You’re experiencing the same thing with online dating.

The reasons you gave were spot-on. Basically, the holiday season is an expensive time to have a girlfriend, so guys tend to break up permanently or at least until the season’s over and take their girls back in January.

Another reason is that there are a lot of holiday parties right now, with a lot of DRUNK WOMEN at them. That’s where you want to be, instead of stuck at some party with a chick you already know… or even WORSE, over @ her relatives’ crib! :( This is PRIME TIME for meeting women and starting new relationships. Also, if you start a new relationship NOW, it’s too early for her to expect an expensive gift from you. :)

Zandria: The thing is, though, the more dating you do, the more instances of “Did he really do/say that?” tend to emerge.

You need to catalogue those increasing instances of “Did he really do/say that?” that you’re experiencing, because those are brief glimpses into what a lot of guys are actually thinking. It’s really the little things that give people away.

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.

For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6′2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6′0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5′9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

As far as the “six feet tall” thing, hahaha Online dating sites are set up in categories. This is how women and men get to choose whom they see in their search results. If a guy honestly states that he’s 5′9″ and a lot of women check the box that says 6′ or over, he doesn’t show up in the search results and he doesn’t get that date. Or, in some cases, where the site does the matchup FOR you, he doesn’t make the “compatible” list, so, again… HE doesn’t get that date. Since the whole point of him being on the service is to meet women that he wants to date or have sex with or whatever, he wants to meet as many as possible, so he LIES and says he’s 6′ tall. It’s not that he doesn’t REALIZE that he’s not that tall hahahahaha. It’s not that he has delusions about his height. He’s merely tricking you into going out on a date with him, when he’s actually below your selected height requirement.

It’s all in the game. :)

Oh… and apply the same logic to his salary.

Zandria: Another thing: some guys need to be more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships before you take the time to meet them in person. I had this one guy wait until our first meeting before he asked me, “Did I tell you that I’m about to be deployed to Iraq for seven months?”

As far as guys being “more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships”, nobody’s thinking about “possible future relationships” until they meet you in person. The way it works is, guys get what they can get… NOW… and if it continues, fine. So, if dude’s about to leave town, he’s looking for something to do UNTIL he leaves town. Similar to the “not 6-feet-tall” guy, he’s not going to ruin his chance to try to get some or have a temporary girlfriend by letting you know he’s not physically available for a LTR.

Once he meets you, it’s a different story. He might feel like “this one’s a keeper” and THEN come clean about his current status and future plans. I guess I should have put ‘clean’ in quotes, because STDs are another thing guys (AND gals) don’t tend to mention on online dating sites.

Zandria: Then there are the things that just make me go “Hmm…” Like the guy who came across as really formal and straight-laced, but when I called him out on it (yes, I will call you out if it’s warranted) he assured me, “I do have a dark and twisted side.”

As far as dudes announcing that they “have a dark and twisted side”, that normally means that they don’t, but they’d be willing to make one up so as to not get rejected for being boring. Also, “dark and twisted” is relative to his own experience. I know women who think doggie-style is dark and twisted, hahahaha :D The point is that guys are going to SAY whatever they have to say in order to stay on track to hooking up with you. If they’re wackos, they’re going to say they’re not. If they’re boring, they’re going to say they’re not.

If you want to know if a guy’s “twisted” for real, look in his eyes and then ask him what he wants to do to you.

So, yeah, that’s “how we do”. Lie as much as you need to in online dating so you get a chance to run your IRL game on her. Best-case scenario, the 5′9″ broke-as-a-joke, unemotionally available, boring dude gains the physical company of a female he finds attractive for one or more evenings. Worst-case scenario, she walks out the door as soon as she sees you, because you’re not what she wanted… except that’s the same outcome as if you hadn’t lied on your application in the first place and she never chose you, so who cares?

It’s all in the game. :D

~Bill

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ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid’s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. :D Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! :D Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? :( Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. :D They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! :D

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. :D Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha :D The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. :D

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha :D I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. :D

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. :D HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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Last week, I let the fellaz know how to get over an ex-girlfriend. This week, I have tips for the ladies for what to do when that relationship ends….

1) Consume mass quantities of Häagen-Dazs ice cream

Häagen-Dazs ice cream is the de facto substitute for sex for women. Everybody knows this. If you haven’t tried it yet, stop reading this post and go get some right now. I’m not sure that there’s one flavor in particular that works across the board, but find the right one, and it’ll tickle your ivories for sure. Similar to dogs for men, Häagen-Dazs is woman’s best friend. Eat enough of it, and you’ll wonder why you cared that your man left you in the first place.

2) Commiserate with your female friends

Make sure you tell your girlfriends that you and your man broke up. All of a sudden, they’ll have all these reasons why he was no good for you in the first place, and you’re better off without him. This will make you feel very good… that is… until you realize that they knew all this stuff BEFORE and should have told you about it so you could have dumped HIM before he dumped YOU.

Make sure you reserve some extra nastiness for the chicks that tell you how your ex has been hitting on them the whole time. As your homegirl, it was their obligation to tell you that your man was trying to get some from them. Also, make sure you add a level to whatever they tell you. That’s how it works with women. If they admit to kissing your man, that means they blew him. If they admit to blowing him, that means they had sex with him, etc.

3) Go to a male strip club

Going to a male strip club will remind you that your man was flabby and out of shape to begin with, so to hell with him. :D Just make sure not to overdo it. Avoid actual physical interaction with the strippers AT.ALL.COSTS! Mark my words, you will end up either on an internet site that specializes in that kind of thing, or even worse, on your local public access television station doing what you did, for all to see.

4) Post about him on the internet

Mosey on over to DontDateHimGirl or HollaBackNYC (or wherever you live, they have a bunch of HollaBack sites) and drag his name through the mud. Nobody actually reads those sites, but you’ll feel a lot better, because it allows you to commiserate with women around the world instead of just the ones you get to bitch and moan to while waiting to get into spin class.

5) Get back in shape

Most likely, the reason he broke up with you (or engineered your breaking up with HIM) is that he lost interest in having sex with you. Getting back in shape will not only make him KICK HIMSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY… but he’ll be insanely jealous of the next man that gets to tap that. He’ll also probably start making moves to get you back, so you get the enjoyment of rejecting him on a daily basis! :D

In the words of my friend, Patricia…

~Bill

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