Bill Cammack

ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid‘s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. :D Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! :D Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? :( Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. :D They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! :D

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. :D Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha :D The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. :D

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha :D I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. :D

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. :D HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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Last week, I let the fellaz know how to get over an ex-girlfriend. This week, I have tips for the ladies for what to do when that relationship ends….

1) Consume mass quantities of Häagen-Dazs ice cream

Häagen-Dazs ice cream is the de facto substitute for sex for women. Everybody knows this. If you haven’t tried it yet, stop reading this post and go get some right now. I’m not sure that there’s one flavor in particular that works across the board, but find the right one, and it’ll tickle your ivories for sure. Similar to dogs for men, Häagen-Dazs is woman’s best friend. Eat enough of it, and you’ll wonder why you cared that your man left you in the first place.

2) Commiserate with your female friends

Make sure you tell your girlfriends that you and your man broke up. All of a sudden, they’ll have all these reasons why he was no good for you in the first place, and you’re better off without him. This will make you feel very good… that is… until you realize that they knew all this stuff BEFORE and should have told you about it so you could have dumped HIM before he dumped YOU.

Make sure you reserve some extra nastiness for the chicks that tell you how your ex has been hitting on them the whole time. As your homegirl, it was their obligation to tell you that your man was trying to get some from them. Also, make sure you add a level to whatever they tell you. That’s how it works with women. If they admit to kissing your man, that means they blew him. If they admit to blowing him, that means they had sex with him, etc.

3) Go to a male strip club

Going to a male strip club will remind you that your man was flabby and out of shape to begin with, so to hell with him. :D Just make sure not to overdo it. Avoid actual physical interaction with the strippers AT.ALL.COSTS! Mark my words, you will end up either on an internet site that specializes in that kind of thing, or even worse, on your local public access television station doing what you did, for all to see.

4) Post about him on the internet

Mosey on over to DontDateHimGirl or HollaBackNYC (or wherever you live, they have a bunch of HollaBack sites) and drag his name through the mud. Nobody actually reads those sites, but you’ll feel a lot better, because it allows you to commiserate with women around the world instead of just the ones you get to bitch and moan to while waiting to get into spin class.

5) Get back in shape

Most likely, the reason he broke up with you (or engineered your breaking up with HIM) is that he lost interest in having sex with you. Getting back in shape will not only make him KICK HIMSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY… but he’ll be insanely jealous of the next man that gets to tap that. He’ll also probably start making moves to get you back, so you get the enjoyment of rejecting him on a daily basis! :D

In the words of my friend, Patricia…

~Bill

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When a woman leaves you, you may feel heartbroken, depressed, wistful, horny, betrayed, disappointed… :( any number of feelings, consecutively or simultaneously. Here are five tips on how to move on with your life, and learn to love again………

1) Have sex with her sister

hahahahaha Just Kidding! :D

… unless her sister’s HAWT! Read the rest of this entry »

Besides smileys in text messages, bright colors, shiny objects and shoes (not necessarily in that order), women LOVE titles. :D If they mess with a guy long enough, they’re going to want to define their relationship with some kind of word, such as “girlfriend” or “fiancee” or “wife”, etc.

As ‘bad’ as it is for her when her guy won’t tell HER they’re together, it gets even worse in public. When they meet people, he either doesn’t introduce her at all or just says her first name, like any other common friend. The question’s always “Why won’t he tell anyone that we’re dating? :( “. So, ladies… Here are a few potential reasons why your guy won’t claim you as his girlfriend…..

1) Because you’re NOT

Let’s start from the start. :) The way the game works is the guy tries to get laid and you tell him what he’s going to have to trade you for the sex. In some cases, that’s a relationship. A guy has two choices… nod, and go along with whatever you said and get some… or refuse to say he’s working towards a relationship with you and get nothing. Odds are that he’s going to say some variation of “we’re dating” in order to get you to lay down and do the right thing. What this MEANS, however… is

nothing.

Nothing at all. He might be “dating” six of y’all and none of y’all know about the others. So what happens is, while you’re waiting for him to give you a title, he’s having his cake and eating it too. This is why he looks all surprised and caught off guard when you say “Where are we going?” or “What are we to each other?”. He’s scrambling to think of something to say other than “You’re one of the chicks I enjoy having sex with”.

2) He already HAS a wife or girlfriend

This SEEMS to be the same as #1, but it’s worse. :) If you’re one of several chicks that he’s “seeing” ;) , you still have a percentage chance of being the cream that rises to the top. If he already has a woman in the top slot that he never told you about, you can forget about picket fences and two-car garages. If you think this might describe YOUR relationship, go read “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”.

3) Because he doesn’t have to

How do they say… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”… or was that “Why buy the chicken when you can get the eggs for free?”… Anyway… You get the picture. :) If he’s already tapping that, you have ZERO leverage to barter for a promotion. If you can figure out how HE’S going to benefit by calling you his girlfriend, then go for it! :D

Of course, you could always call a sex boycott or embargo, except that’s when you might find out he has more chicks than you “in the pocket”.

4) He doesn’t want to scare off other chicks

Some women have an inability to stick to the facts. When you see a chick you like and ask them “Who’s that?”, they respond “Oh… She has a boyfriend”. Then they stand there as if they adequately responded to your query while you’re thinking “YOU #&(@&%*$ IDIOT! I DIDN’T *ASK* YOU THAT! :( “.

This situation affects guys in exactly the same way. If a guy’s homegirl has a friend who likes him and she asks about the guy, the response she’ll receive is “Oh… He has a girlfriend”, and his game goes down the drain.

In order to avoid this and maximize one’s options… It’s best not to claim any chicks at all so people can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and stick to the facts when a chick’s tryinna meet a brotha. :D

5) He’s embarrassed about how you look

Oftentimes… A guy’s standards for a gal he’ll have sex with are LOWER than his standards for a gal he’ll be SEEN with. The fact that he’ll tap that doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere with you in public… God Forbid being immortalized in pictures with you, EVAR. Even if he’s willing to go out in public with you, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to admit to the depth of your relationship.

Guys are competitive. We all want to be fly and have sex with the hottest chicks. Unfortunately, :D reality doesn’t always match up to fantasy, and a brothaz gotsta DOOOO what a brothaz gotsta DOO! :D Nobody wants to be labeled a “Chubby Chaser” or whatever they call guys that like “Butch” females or whatever other fetishes are going on these days. So while he might very well enjoy hooking up with you behind closed doors, he’s not too likely to admit it to the fellaz and ESPECIALLY not likely to claim you as his exclusive girl.

6) Because his boy already tapped that

For some reason that I’ll most likely NEVER understand, :) women just about universally refuse to believe that guys they have sex with don’t tell their close male friends.

Basically, ladies… You can assume a 16-hour window of privacy… assuming the guy fell asleep for a full 8 hours after he tapped that. The best you can hope for is “Yeah. I hit it”. The worst case… well the WORST case is videotape… but the worst case, normally, is a detailed description of WHERE he hit it (indoors, outdoors, on what furniture/appliance…), WHAT position you were in and HOW MUCH you enjoyed each position.

This being the case… if you insist on dating guys that know each other, they come to the table (dryer, washing machine…) knowing what they can get from you and how much they need to do to get it.

Another unfortunate residual from guys’ competitive nature is that in the case of a chick that several guys have messed with, YOU don’t want to be the one that gets sprung on “Community Property”. Some guys grow out of this and some guys are just glad to be with ANY chick that will give them some at the drop of a hat, so exceptions are made and guys endure the ridicule, funny looks and snide remarks.

For the most part, though… And I’ll NEVER understand this one either… Most guys like to feel that they got their girl “fresh out the box”. It’s part of the competition thing. They like to feel special as if they were the only ones their girl gave it up to. So, for this reason, if you’re currently dating a friend of a guy who already tapped that, and God Forbid… SEVERAL guys that already tapped that, you might have to forget about being claimed as an actual girlfriend and choose a more likely achievement, such as winning the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DatingGenius