I was chatting with reader “Eric” earlier today, and he reminded me that today is Side-Piece Day.

So.. Happy Side-Piece Day, Ladies! :D *waves*

Side-Piece Maintenance

A side-piece is a gal that may or may not think she’s your main girlfriend, but she most definitely is not.

For instance.. On “The Sopranos”, Tony’s wife was his wife, and his girlfriends were his side-pieces, get it? :)

However.. Since some guys don’t like to make it clear to the SP that she is what she is, they often pretend that she’s their best girlfriend, their main girlfriend, or, in extreme cases, their *ONLY* girlfriend.

This works very well, except for special occasions that pop up during the year.

To keep it simple.. Let’s say you only have two girlfriends, right?…

It’s not likely that they were born on the same day.

This means that you can celebrate both of your girlfriends’ birthdays with them as if the other one doesn’t even exist. No loss of propers for you.

Even if they share a birthday, since you only have two of them, it’s easy to split them by celebrating one on the weekend BEFORE their birthday, and one on the weekend AFTER their birthday.

Of course, during those years where their co-birthday falls on a Saturday or something, you’re kinda screwed. \o/

The next day is Christmas. That one’s not tough to play off if we’re still assuming you’re only dating two gals simultaneously. You can see one for Christmas Eve, and you can see one for Christmas Day.

New Year’s Eve is a REALLY tough one.

So you’re getting the point that eventually, the rubber meets the road, and you have to decide which one of your girlfriends is going to get the ACTUAL holiday, and which one is going to have to settle for something NEAR the actual holiday, preferably the day before or the day after.

Side-Piece Day

The absolute *WORST* day for guys with multiple girlfriends is Valentine’s Day.

Your best bet is to skip work altogether, and schedule one for breakfast, one for lunch, one for dinner, and one for late drinks.

Of course, this assumes you have only four girlfriends and a lot of credit.

If you can’t do that, and you HAVE TO go out with only one gal on Valentine’s day, it’s going to be your best girlfriend. No doubt. Valentine’s day will set the tone for the next 365, so you have to make sure you make it the best for your best girl so she makes the rest of your year the best for you! :D

This brings us to today.. Which is the day BEFORE Valentine’s day, or… Wait for it! :D ….. SIDE-PIECE DAY! :D

If this is handled carefully and not overdone, you can keep getting away with taking women out on side-piece Day and they never get hip to the game.

What you have to do is alternate side-pieces every other holiday.

So, you spend Thanksgiving with Chick A, and the day before Thanksgiving with Chick B… Next, You spend Christmas Day with Chick B and Christmas Eve with Chick A… This way, when they tell their girlfriend that you took them out on side-piece day, and she tries to cockblock you, your girlfriend stands up for you, because you spent Thanksgiving with her and her family, and you took her out the day before Valentine’s Day, because you had an important deadline for this project you’re finishing at work that was going to take you all day to complete and present, so there was no point in her trying to call or text you on V-Day, because you were going to be fully absorbed in your work, and you’d get back to her as soon as you could, which was probably going to be the entirely next day, because you were going to have to go out with your coworkers for drinks afterwards to celebrate your successful presentation and after so much drinking (and working), you were going to want to go right to sleep after that, so don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Are You A Side-Piece? o_O

Now.. Just because your man took you out on side-piece Day doesn’t mean that you *ARE* the/a side-piece, or even that he’s dating anyone other than you. You may very well be the only one, and he very well might have to work on Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July, Presidents’ Day, and every single 3-day weekend American workers get during the year.

It’s possible. :)

I’m not going to go back over how you can tell whether you’re a side-piece or not, because that’s 4-year-old information => http://billcammack.com/2008/08/03/ladies-how-to-tell-he-has-a-girlfriend/. Go read it if you like.

If you determine that you *ARE* the SP, you have two options, bounce from the relationship, or step your game up so he chooses you over the rest of his girlfriends.

If you decide you’re going to stay, make a list of the positive features of being his side-piece, like how you only have to provide 1/2 to 1/4 of his sexual gratification.

Anyway…

If you have a date tonight.. The night *BEFORE* Valentine’s Day.. With “your” boyfriend.. And he already told you he’s going to be out of commission all day, tomorrow… HAPPY SIDE-PIECE DAY! :D
–
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There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. :D Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! :D Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? :( Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. :D They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! :D

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. :D Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha :D The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. :D

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha :D I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. :D

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. :D HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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A friend of mine once told me “The best way to cheat….. is NOT to cheat!”

This is true. In a perfect world, people would be monogamous and their word could be trusted when they say things like “I love you” and “You’re the only one I’m dating”. However, as you can read yourself in the New York Times, the buzz this week is about how Client 9 got caught cheating on his wife.

Now, I find this to be one of the “funny” things about this society. Guys are trained to go out there and get what they want. Make more money. Initiate Mergers & Acquisitions. Run for office. Play professional sports. Sell your startup… Guys are trained from birth to be the best and take what they want, and then they’re not supposed to apply that to women. Guys are expected to have just one chick and be satisfied with that, when they’re not expected to have just one company or play just one sport. Meanwhile, the more successful you are, the easier it gets for you to acquire and maintain chicks. I mean, think about it…. Why bother becoming Tony Soprano if you can’t enjoy it? What’s the point of acquiring wealth and power without the ability to do what *YOU* want with it?

Granted, the argument is “If you want to live the single lifestyle… BE single!” :D Again, this is true. However…. This doesn’t work for everyone. James Buchanan was the *ONLY* unmarried American President. In some professions, your opportunities for advancement are SEVERELY limited if you don’t have a wife. Similar to getting green cards, being married is just… necessary. It’s a part of the job description. Is this fair to the wife? No. Some know what they’re cosigning and some do not.

Anyway… If you juuuuust can’t help it, and you want to know how to cheat “right”, watch “The Sopranos”. :D

Yes. I’m aware “The Sopranos” is fiction! :D However, if Client 9 had used his time to watch the series instead of scrambling from ATM to ATM to “get his funds up”….. um….. Well, FIRST OF ALL, he wouldn’t have been scrambling from ATM to ATM to get his funds up! :D

Let’s see what else he wouldn’t have done, had he attended the Tony Soprano school for cheating:

Quotes are from the New York Times article.

“It was after 9 on the night before Valentine’s Day when she finally arrived, a young…”

WRONG! :( Actually… this is DOUBLE-WRONG, hahaha :D First of all, if you’re gonna cheat, you’re gonna have to pay some dues… such as being around the family at the right times, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day. Now, you may be thinking “but, it was the day before!”. The day before VD (hehe, ever notice that? The abbreviation for Valentine’s Day is VD? hehehe) is when you get to make your points by celebrating with your woman EARLY! Capisce? Let those other chumps start their celebrations ON Valentine’s Day. That’s actually *late*, especially if your woman works, because she’s sitting there all day, WONDERING if she’s got a nice surprise waiting for her when she gets home instead of BEAMING about what you already did for her the night before, and that morning. SO… “the night before a special event is NOT the time to rent a chick”.

This is ALSO wrong because Valentine’s Day in particular is when you’re supposed to be affectionate to chicks. This is going to be tough to do after you hook up with some chick you’re actually hot for, then, a couple of hours after that, you’re supposed to be all “Happy Valentine’s Day! :D” to your wife. SO… The correct order is to celebrate with your wife the night before and the morning *of* VD, then “get called away for business” later that evening. ;)

“This was at the Mayflower, one of Washington’s choicer hotels…”

WRONG! :( If you’re ballin’ like that, that you’re spending thousands of dollars to see one chick… you want to have an APARTMENT out of the way somewhere. You do NOT want to go to a hotel with CAMERAS, WORKERS and myriad OTHER PEOPLE that just might happen to be there. Also, it’s much easier to explain what you’re doing in an apartment complex than it is to explain what you’re doing by yourself on the eighth floor of a hotel with a big SMILE on your face. :D

“….an online prostitution ring, the affidavit said…”

ummmmmmm……. Online?…. Prostitution?……..

Was there a bar when you walked in? :D Did the chick suggest that you pour her a drink while she goes in another room and changes? :D

“There’s something that I need you need to know… I’m Chris Hanson….”

WHAAAAAAAT? :O Online Prostitution? wow. :/ Forget all that. What you want is a goomah, which is essentially an extra girlfriend.

Amy & Joey

“In a prior conversation, Client 9 had already told her that he had booked a room and had paid for it in his own name; now he asked who was coming…”

I realized after I began this post that commenting on this ONE article could easily take me a full month, so I’m going to stop here. :D

Obviously, again, having a goomah enables you to AVOID conversations with hookers’ bosses. You also happen to know which girl you’re paying $,$$$ for. Being that I’m not a “trick” (a guy who pays chicks to have sex with him), I don’t know how that stuff works. I would assume you’d pick a particular chick and set up a time to see her instead of whatever chick happens to be available at the time? \o/ Maybe he was trying out different ones? Perhaps there was a special on certain chicks this month? Dunno. Anway…..

In the end, we circle back to the beginning. As you can see, “The best way to cheat….. is NOT to cheat!” :D …. Not because it’s “the right thing to do”, but because you’d either have to be a tactical genius or fictional television character to pull it off. If you’re considering cheating, mentally project yourself into the future of your getting caught. Then, look from there back into the past (which hasn’t happened yet), and ask yourself…..

Was it worth it?………

1993 ~ Amy & Joey ~ 2007


Client 9 Resigns ~ 2008

DatingGenius

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