Cynic’s Guide to Dating

A friend told me a few weeks ago that she felt my blog posts were cynical. I wasn’t sure I agreed with her, so I looked up the actual definition, and I think she was exactly spot-on with her assessment.

I had taken cynical to mean “negative”, when, in fact, it actually means “aware of the possibilities and potential in a situation”. I’m definitely aware of these and I definitely apply my past experiences and the experiences that have been relayed to me by people whose word and judgement I trust to every situation I become involved in or aware of.

Cynical

1: captious, peevish
2: having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a: contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b: based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.

I think the opposite of this would be to retardedly ignore what you learned from past experiences and go forward into your next relationship as if none of your prior experiences ever happened to you. Perhaps they were all flukes, and this time’s going to be that fairytale relationship that you were brainwashed to believe you were ever going to be a part of. Continue reading “Cynic’s Guide to Dating”

Dating A Narcissist

Narcissism is a pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance and ambition.

Now… I don’t know anyone like that,

Grace, Christine, Bill, Kathryn & Annie

Too Much Hawt!!!

but since it was so much fun writing “Dating for Misanthropes”, I thought I’d explain to the ladies what they can expect from dating a Narcissist.

First of all, let’s make the distinction… A misanthrope doesn’t like you… because you’re wack. period. No way around that. A narcissist, OTOH, probably likes you. He may very well even love you, like, he’s not just saying that to get you to lay down. The problem for YOU is that regardless of how much he loves you, he loves himself WAY MORE, always has and always will. 😀

Bill Cammack & Paparazzi

So, right off the bat, you’ll never be #1 with someone who “suffers” with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), because he’s ALREADY #1 to himself.

Probably the largest hurdle for women in dating narcissists is attempting to gain any form of CONTROL in the relationship. You can’t have any control, because nobody cares what you think. I don’t, and neither do I. 😀 Basically, you can’t create any leverage for yourself with a narcissist, because he can “take you or leave you”. He still has himself, so who cares if you’re around or not?

On top of that, other chicks want him anyway, so if you vacate your spot, you just make an opportunity for the next gal. C’est La Vie. Bon Voyage!… SSSSSSSSSSSSEEEYA! “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!”. “I don’t need em, I let the WELFARE feed em”….

Being that you never achieve leverage, you don’t really have any executive say in what a narcissist does. He listens to your requests and decides whether to grant them or not. If you’re going to a dinner party with your boring-ass girlfriends and their dates, you’re most likely going BY YOURSELF, unless you get some other guy to go with you. There’s no reason for the narcissist to be bored out of his mind for hours on end. There’s also no incentive for him to go to the dinner party in the first place. If he wanted to meet your girlfriends, he’d be dating THEM instead of YOU.

Basically, anything you come up with, if it’s not better than what he already had planned, you’re “short”. You want to go to the opera when the game’s on? Bring me back a program. Peace!

Pretty much, you’re an accessory to Mr. NPD. This is one of the reasons he’s going to stay on top of how you dress. First of all, if you don’t look good to him, he’s not going to spend time with you AT.ALL. He doesn’t actually NEED you, so your purpose is to be visually, mentally and sensually stimulating to him. Basically, hanging out WITH YOU has to be better than hanging out WITH HIMSELF, which is ALWAYS a good time, so you need to make sure you stay jiggy fresh, so he’s inclined to invite you to chill with him evAr again.

Second, the fact that he’s spending time with you is an indication of his taste in women. If he’s embarrassed to be seen with you, he’s either going to stop hanging out with you, or just make sure he’s never seen with you in public.

So, it’s in your best interest to look as HAWT as possible for your narcissist at all times… especially considering that looking good and having sex are the only things you’re required to do, I figure you can AT LEAST handle that much. 🙂

Now, it’s not all downsides to dating Mr. NPD…. For one thing, the narcissist believes he’s the bomb-diggity when it comes to sex, so he’s not going to be satisfied until YOU’RE satisfied. 🙂 He’s highly invested in his personal belief that he can RAWK you, so if you do yourself the favor of not faking orgasms, he’s going to keep trying different stuff until he hits that spot. “Regular” dudes have no such interest in your completion, so… you get what you get, hahahaha.

Also, if the narcissist actually agrees to spend time with you, that means he really WANTS TO. This means that as long as you look good and are fun to spend time with, he’s going to show you the best time he can possibly figure out. “Regular” guys, you know how THEY do…. They go wherever their women TELL THEM, but then they sit around like bumps on the proverbial logs, because they didn’t want to be there in the first place, but were to pussy to say so.

Third, the fact that the narcissist spends time with you indicates that he really likes you (not as much as himself, but whaddaya want?). This means that he’ll be happy to introduce you to people and happy to take you anywhere he’s invited. Also, everyone else who knows how self-absorbed he is will be impressed that he chose you.

So there are some of the pros and cons of dating a narcissist. There’s a good writeup on MayoClinic.com about Narcissistic Personality Disorder that gives you technical information that you can use to determine whether you’re dating one, so you can decide whether you want to cease & desist or continue dating him. Symptoms include:

  • Believing that you’re better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing that you’re special
  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
  • Taking advantage of others
  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
  • Being jealous of others
  • Believing that others are jealous of you
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Being easily hurt and rejected
  • Having a fragile self-esteem
  • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Good Luck! 😀

unforgivable

~Bill

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Dating for Misanthropes

According to Webster’s, a misanthrope is a person who hates or distrusts humankind. Now… Just because you hate people in general, that doesn’t mean that you can’t date them, or that you shouldn’t. 😀

Most likely, the reason you don’t like people isn’t because of the way they look, smell or taste… It’s probably that they say retarded things that get on your very last nerve. You’re gaining insight into their personalities or lack of education which increases the natural disdain that you had for them the first time you ever laid eyes on them.

All you need to do is follow The Kid‘s 5 tips for dating people you don’t actually like or have a shred of respect for, and you’ll be happily dating in no time! 😀

1) Take your dates to the movies

In order for you to successfully date, you need to AVOID hearing what the other person has to say at all costs. The less you hear, the more you’re going to like her and the better your date will be. Invite her out to the movies. Tell her you’ll get the tickets, and to meet you right at the theater at the exact time that the movie’s scheduled to start. Oh… do this by text message or email so as to avoid any unnecessary yammering she might do which will cause you to bail out on the date. Also find out if she wants popcorn, soda, etc ahead of time, so you can stock up on those before she meets you.

When she gets there, kiss her “hello”, give her some random compliment, like about he eyes or her hair, give her her food and hurry into the theater before she can strike up a conversation. If she starts talking before you get down the hall, ask her if her popcorn has enough butter on it so she starts eating it.

You may have to suffer a bit through the commercials, but once the movie starts, you’re golden. Do the “Richie Cunningham” to get your arm around her, then relate to her for the next two hours via touch and eye contact. When she tries to actually say something, shush her, reminding her that you’re both listening to the movie… together!… then go back to touch and eye contact.

Also, make sure you informed her you’d have to skate (slang for “leave really quickly”) right after the movie, when you initially made plans with her. Credits roll. Kiss her good night. Tell her you had a great time and then break north with no delay.

2) Take your dates to loud places

I discovered this technique by accident. I was in a bar, speaking with someone and barely able to hear them. I guess the crowd got louder, because someone turned the music up, and I was no longer able to hear this person that I was right next to. My first instinct was to wait it out, figuring that I’d be able to understand them a few seconds later. That never happened. What DID happen was….. They kept talking as long as I kept looking at them and nodding! 😀

This style is INVALUABLE for a misanthrope! All you have to do is take her to a place that you know plays loud music, like a dance club or a concert. It’s the best of both worlds. You can still utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying! 😀

Compound the effectiveness of this technique by imagining that she’s saying really intelligent and fascinating things that make you feel more love and respect for her by the minute.

Just as the concert’s ending or they’re turning on the lights in the club, tell her you have to skate, and break north with no delay.

3) Make sure your date is insanely physically attractive

Of course, this is your goal in ANY dating situation… but it’s extra-important for misanthropes. The better-looking she is, the more bullshit you’ll be able to tolerate.

Physically, this has something to do with chemicals released in your body when she’s around that keep you from doing stupid things, such as erasing her number or moving in the opposite direction of her present location. Mentally, it’s like Spike Lee said in “She’s Gotta Have It”:

“You don’t throw away a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it”

On top of that (no pun intended), the better-looking she is, the more time you’ll spend having sex with her, which means the less time she’ll be talking. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably be bumbling and stammering like an idiot, but at least you’ll be able to convince yourself that the reason she can’t form proper English sentences right now is because you’re hittin’ that spot! 😀

4) Make sure you use condoms

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating a person they think is beneath them….. Is that a fair statement? Probably not. You can probably hate someone without thinking you’re better than they are… Weird… Anyway…..

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating someone they think is beneath them… it’s accidentally having inferior kids with them. I mean, it’s one thing when someone with no connection to you AT ALL is a blithering idiot, but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.

So, you know the drill… If you use these techniques to tolerate her long enough to have sex with her, don’t fumble on the 2-yard line! Wrap it up! No Glove, No Love!… NAH MEEN? 😀

5) Learn to talk to yourself

A lot of your problem with people isn’t actually how stupid they are, but rather that you hold all your disdain in and you don’t have an outlet to share how retarded you think people are with someone who COMPLETELY understands what you’re telling them and feels the exact same way about it. This is why you need to become your own traveling commiseration companion:

You: Oh. My. *GOD*, that was the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!
You: I know… she’s an idiot.
You: TELL me about it! DAMN!!!
You: Amazing, isn’t it?
You: omg! grr
You: Ah, well, what did you expect?
You: Yeah… You’re right. Forget it.

See how you calmed yourself down? Learn to do this when you feel yourself losing it, and you’ll be able to keep yourself in the game long enough to get to the good part! 😀

~Bill

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Guide To Dating The “Internet Famous”

If you enjoy anonymity, it used to be that the only people you had to worry about dating were actual celebrities. This was because THEY were the only ones showing up in the media.

Social Media has advanced to the point where it’s not only the ACTUALLY famous that you have to look out for. There are people that are said to have micro-fame or are called “internet famous”…

If you enjoy anonymity, it used to be that the only people you had to worry about dating were actual celebrities. This was because THEY were the only ones showing up in the media. The paparazzi get paid to chase them all over creation, taking pictures of them, and then they’d end up on those dumb shows that come on after the news that scrape around for any gossip they can find about someone currently famous.

Social Media has advanced to the point where it’s not only the ACTUALLY famous that you have to look out for. There are people that are said to have micro-fame or are called “internet famous”. There are different levels of micro-fame, but the way SM works, the level doesn’t really make a difference. ALLLLLL you need is for one person to take a picture of you and place it on a site or in a feed that other people pay attention to, and you could end up in social bookmarks, reblogged, captioned… what-have-you. Continue reading “Guide To Dating The “Internet Famous””

Women’s Guide to NYC Dating

Somehow, I ended up seeing this article by Richard Florida about the singles scene and it had this really interesting map on it, which got me thinking about supply & demand:


Fortunately for meeeeee, NYC happens to be THE PLACE TO BE with an excess of females to the tune of 210,820 more single women than men! 😀

Sucks to be YOU if you live in Los Angeles, where the map indicates there are 89,459 more single men than women. Ah well… C’est La Vie! 😀

This is one of the reasons why the stuff I talk about doesn’t apply to everyone. Life just isn’t fair! 😀 You can’t throw a rock in NYC without… well… you know what I mean… with numbers like that, there are literally tens of thousands of surplus GOOD-LOOKING chicks in this town. And that’s only the women that IDENTIFIED THEMSELVES as single.

So the supply of men here is short, so the demand by women is higher… Or, to think about that another way, there are too many women here for them to gain any leverage. This means that guys in New York get to “act the fool”, and for every woman that decides she’s not going to date you, there are like 3 more within eyeshot that are waiting to meet you as soon as this chick gets out of their way. 😀

So… What can the ladies do to improve their chances at scoring a date in NYC?

1) Be a nice person. This isn’t Los Angeles. You’re not in demand. WE are! 😀 There’s no reason to play the stuck up role or try to ignore a brotha like he just asked you for change so he can get something to eat. If his presentation is proper, and he steps to you respectfully, consider at least acknowledging his presence. Yes… We know he’s trying to have sex with you regardless of what he says, but at least give the guy some credit for being a gentleman about it.

2) Have interesting things to say. A lot of women skate through life on their looks and are never required to be decent people or have a charming, intelligent personality. Separate yourself from the crowd by knowing something about something USEFUL… like football! 😀 Know something about the stock market or motorcycles or tech gadgets. Come up with SOMETHING so the guy sees you as someone cool and interesting and not just a target. Women are always complaining about being seen as “sex objects”. You know how to avoid that? Show him there’s more he can do with you or talk to you about than sex.

3) Eat when you go out to a restaurant. You know what I mean, too. Not just a salad when you’re sitting there staring at my cheeseburger, “hungry than a mug”. What you eat right now is NOT going to make you look any different. You’re not going to look slimmer with a piece of lettuce at the end of your fork or holding a stalk of celery. It’s already apparent that you like to “get your eat on”, so DO YOU! Go for what you know! Order more than your date does and scarf it down. Get that napkin, tap the corners of your lips and ask him what’s for dessert!

We know damned well that AS SOON AS y’all leave us, you scramble to the nearest restaurant to stuff your faces, so you’re better off keeping it REAL. He’ll respect you for that.

4) Be athletic. Yes, there are lots of guys that like women with no muscle tone. There are also guys that like athletic women. Why is that? Because you can actually DO THINGS WITH THEM! You know why you don’t get invited to the batting cages?… Because YOU CAN’T BAT! Same thing for the Jiu-Jitsu class and when he goes to play roller hockey or ultimate frisbee in the park. This isn’t the 1930’s, with the guys all on the football field and the ladies sitting together in a bunch on a bench under a tree fixing cold cut sandwiches for lunch. Nope. Pick up that football and step on the field. Go for that 5-and-across and burn your date for the winning touchdown! 😀 Let him know what time it is. Trust me. His friends will buy YOU more beers than they’ll buy for HIM after the game!

5) Last, but certainly not least… Actually, probably the most important…

LOOK GOOD!

Look good. You would be surprised, out of our NYC surplus of 210,820 women, HOW MANY OF THEM schlep around town in an appalling state of disrepair. 🙁 Somebody lied to y’all and told you that you could look like anything and still get raps. Nope. Not THIS day and time, my sistah! If you want to look bad and still get attention, move to L.A. or anywhere with one of those large BLUE dots. NYC isn’t for you. In fact, according to that map, there’s no place for you on the entire Eastern Seaboard. You’d better go visit Prince in Minneapolis! See if he’ll sing you a song or something, ’cause you’re done around these parts.

Don’t worry about whether a guy’s going to buy you a drink at the club… YOU have to worry about GETTING IN the club to begin with. Paying off the bouncer might work… Anyway… Stop being lazy. Accentuate the positive & play down the negative. Stop dressing like a beatnik and carry yourself like the successful businesswoman you are. Stop getting haircuts because you saw it in a magazine if it doesn’t work with YOUR face. Hit that gym on a regular basis. Do whatever you have to do to catch a guy’s eye, because if you don’t…..

There are 210,819 women ready to steal YOUR man. 😀

DatingGenius

Content / Production Value / Popularity

In the internet video game, there are lots of ways to call attention to yourself, your product or your website. Kfir Pravda writes:

“And we didn’t talk about audio and video productions. Yes, you can sit in-front of your webcam and talk. But unless you are extremely attractive, or funny, or interesting, no one will watch your stuff besides your mom and friends. Not necessarily a bad thing, but let’s set the expectations. And hey, being interesting, attractive, funny, interesting – doesn’t it sounds just like creating content in every other medium? Yes it is! The fact that your content is online doesn’t mean it can be crappy. People will notice if it is crappy. Really. Most people don’t care if they get their content from their laptop or TV – they just want good content. So all this Web 2.0 myth that everyone can just put his or hers content online and immediately people would watch it is far from being true.”

This is absolutely true. Even having good content doesn’t make you exempt from creating a pleasant, immersive environment for your viewers. Unfortunately, a lot of internet video isn’t made with the viewer in mind at all. It’s made with MONEY in mind, specifically, being CHEAP with money and not actually caring about the QUALITY of the video they produce AT.ALL.

Here’s the problem with internet video…. When someone puts a video on youtube, for instance, you can trace the IP, but you have no information about the person AT THAT IP that clicked on the video. This means you can’t prove demographics. If you can’t prove demographics, you can’t sell advertisements to companies, because there’s no guarantee that men between the ages of X and Y that own lawns and might buy lawn mowers are watching this particular video or show. This means the only way you can sell ads is by impressions, basically using a shotgun tactic and saying “This show gets 300,000 downloads a day… SOMEBODY in there has to be of value to you”. Of course, there are banner ads and sponsorships, but I’m talking about specifically advertising on individual videos. You can do pre-roll, mid-roll or post-roll… Either way, you can’t get the big money from potential advertisers because you can’t prove WHO’S watching your show.

This means that video shows have to rely on revenue sharing or generalized, group advertisement plans that you can opt in or out of. There are lots of studies that show that neither of these generate much $$$ unless you do something that goes viral and gets millions of hits. The odds of doing that consistently are slim and none… and slim left town.

This means that in general, people aren’t getting much ROI from posting video to the internet. This is why the focus changes from creation and “production value” to ‘The Bottom Line’. The Bottom Line is to spend less than you get back from revenue sharing and other opportunities to have your videos made. This is how we end up with situations of people creating video that’s total and absolute *GARBAGE* that somehow makes it to the internet attached to a company’s brand. The company is more interested in NOT PAYING for the video they get than outputting good videos and receiving respect and accolades for their accomplishments. THEN, when they get dragged through the mud by someone who chooses to point out the obvious fact that the Emperor has no clothes on, they wonder how this happened to them. :/

Actually, there’s another term that comes into play here. It’s called UGC, which stands for User-Generated Content. Essentially what this means is that people not associated with your company upload video that they’re hoping will become part of your show. Rob Czar & Corinne Leigh make fantastic use of UGC in their show “Thread Heads” (ThreadBanger.com). Their fans are inspired by watching Rob & Corinne’s episodes and send their own footage in to the show. Sometimes, this is just them showing what they made, and sometimes, they create their own how-to videos. This is the way UGC is supposed to work and is a demonstration of what happens when viewers join an interactive internet community and become not only fans but passionate subscribers.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know the difference between UGC and *GARBAGE*. The reason UGC looks the way it does is because THERE.IS.NO.BUDGET. None. Whomever did that did not get paid a dime to make the video and then uploaded it to youtube or wherever for free. Also, the UGC creators do NOT come with the stamp of approval of the company’s brand. The indication is clearly that “These are fans of ours that potentially know NOTHING about video at all that wanted to participate in our show. We appreciate what they’ve done and will post their videos in this episode”. This is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from stamping someone with your brand’s seal of approval and then letting them release garbage.

The first problem is that your brand appears to have ZERO taste in video creation. None. No guidelines were set. Nobody had to approve the videos before they went on your site. There’s no minimum quality requirement to post videos under your brand’s name. Clearly, this is a horrible opinion for people to have of you and your company. This also comes back to budget, because clearly, you didn’t pay anyone to EP (Executive Produce) your show. If you don’t have any EPs and you don’t have any producers that know what they’re doing when it comes to video and ESPECIALLY if you don’t have any EDITORS that might be able to salvage something out of the UGC-esque garbage you’ve selected people to produce, doing video might not have been a good idea. Stick to audio next time.

Second, your company looks CHEAP. It’s obvious that in your efforts to create video for the internet, you’re not willing to put one red cent into the production, because it looks exactly that same as all the other made-for-free video that’s on the net, whether it was shot by an elementary school student or a soccer mom watching her kids from the sidelines. The problem with this is that nobody else is going to want to put videos on your site alongside who KNOWS what other garbage productions are coming down the line? Also, this is known as half-stepping… Getting involved with something, but not wholeheartedly. Another poor look for your brand.

Third, you’re insulting your audience. Outputting garbage video is the equivalent of having a store with desirable merchandise in it and letting the letters fall off of your store front… or the letters don’t all don’t light up… It’s like “No… We’re not going to respect YOU, the viewer by offering you an entertaining or immersive experience….. But come in and buy, ANYWAY!”

The argument against production value in online video is that “Content is King”. They want you to focus on what’s being said… Not that the framing is off… Not that the sound is horrible… Not that the people drone on and on and on and on and on incessantly… Not that the graphics abruptly smash on and off the screen… Not that the company was too cheap to buy a tripod so the video shakes around like Saving Private Ryan. Again, that’s what AUDIO’s for. Make a nice .mp3 file, upload it and call it a day. Video is supposed to ADD to the experience, not SUBTRACT from it. Worst-case scenario, do it like when the news has a correspondent on the phone from another country. Put a decent-looking still frame on the screen of the subject of the video and let the audio run under that.

The reason companies continue to output garbage is because their hits are coming neither from content nor from production value….. Their hits are coming from *popularity*. There’s no reason to do ANYTHING decent when it comes to video because the people tuning in are already fans of the people making the videos. You can tell this by looking at the comments, which are invariably positive and don’t mention ANYTHING about the quality of the video itself. There are only two reasons this would happen. Either comments are being edited/removed or, as Kfir stated above, the only people showing up to the broadcast are your friends and family. That’s all well and good as long as you have THOUSANDS of friends. :/

So, that seems to be the key to internet video these days. Play to the bottom line by neglecting quality and treating video like it doesn’t need to be entertaining OR even *watchable*. Draw people to the show through popularity, and if your product’s garbage? Who cares? You already increased your page view and video play statistics to sell to the advertiser….

A job well done. :/

~Bill Cammack

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Does it matter what women think?

Reader Helene writes (in response to Tip for the ladies: He doesn’t care!)

Let’s talk about this, from DatingGenius:

——
Yadda Yadda Yadda Blah Blah Blah EVERY.SINGLE.EFFIN’.DAY, some chick is confused about why a guy keeps trying to kick it to her. It’s very simple. He’s kicking it to you because HE.WANTS.TO.GET.WITH.YOU, *PERIOD*! He’s not interested in what you think about it. He’s not interested in what you have to say about it.
——-

I feel that. He doesn’t care if he wants sex. I’m going to look on DatingGenius to see if there is a guide on how to tell if a man wants sex or a relationship. I think the man that wants a relationship cares what the woman thinks, right?

There are a lot of interesting points here, Helene…. First of all, that post was written specifically to address the situation of women being clueless as to why a guy doesn’t stop kicking it to them when she indicates disinterest or even disgust. 😀 The fact of the matter is that he’s not approaching you to get your opinion on things or to discuss politics. He finds you physically attractive or there’s something else about you that he likes (you have money, good child-bearing hips, whatever…) that he’s approaching you for. What you think about it is of no consequence whatsoever. The bottom line is desire-fulfillment… HIS, not YOURS. 🙂

As an example, I was walking with a blabbermouth friend of mine the other week, and in the process of making a point to her, I mentioned that her homegirl was attractive. I wasn’t telling her that so she could go blab it to her girl like she BLABS everything else. I was trying to make a general point based on a specific situation my friend was privy to. Before I got to say what I really wanted to say, she goes “Oh… She wouldn’t hook up with you. You’re not her type.” 😀 Now…. First of all, I didn’t ask my friend what she thought about my ‘chances’ of hooking up with her girl. Second, all she knows about her girl’s “type” is what her girl is willing to TELL HER, so her idea of what her girl’s going to do and what she’s not going to do is completely irrelevant. Third, people are functions of combinations, meaning that how a chick reacts to me has *nothing* to do with how she reacts to anyone else on the planet, so until I kick my game and get on or not, speculation is worthless.

All these things ran through my mind in a split second, and I replied just about right when she finished speaking, “That doesn’t matter”. She looked at me surprised, and tried to protest, but I covered that up with another “That doesn’t matter”. We then went off on the tangent of how “what her girl wants” doesn’t factor in AT ALL to my initial attraction to her. Forget about the fact that she IS NOT her girl, so she has NO IDEA what her girl does behind closed doors. Even if she knew for sure that her girl didn’t like me for whatever reason, it’s of no consequence, because I’m talking about what motivates *ME*. I’m talking about what propels me to focus on HER and interact with HER instead of someone else.

This is why chicks would be better off if they recognized WHY a guy is talking to them in the first place. Without that knowledge, you’re grasping at straws when you try to figure out anything else about your relationship to that guy.

As another example, I was waiting for a bus with a crowd of people. This girl walks past at least eight other breathing, standing human beings to come up to me and ask me if I knew what time it was. I told her that I didn’t, and showed her that I don’t wear a watch, which I don’t, because I don’t *care* what time it is. 😀 The next thing that happened was…… She stayed right there and continued talking to me. Now… What happened to her desire to find out what time it was? *POOF* Gone, into thin air. Had she actually been interested in the time, she would have A) stopped at the FIRST person she saw to ask what time it was, and then made her way down the line, or B) if she DID walk all the way past them to ask me, she would have asked someone else right after I demonstrated the inability to tell her what time it was. She did neither, so the obvious inference is that she wanted to talk to me and used “Do you know what time it is” as the ice-breaker.

Now, let’s apply this to the club! 😀 When that guy buys you that drink, what do you think he’s trying to do? Do you think he thought you looked thirsty? Do you think he thought you looked *BROKE*, and he likes to hand out charity by buying drinks for destitute women? Did he buy any GUYS a drink? How about any UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN? ‘:) There are two reasons he’s offering to buy you a drink. He wants you to get more drunk than you already are, AND (drumroll) he’s trying to get on.

You can THINK whatever you want… He’s a nice guy. He’s generous. He respects you. He’s interested in what you have to say or what you think. He likes the same music you do… He doesn’t like the same music you do, he dresses poorly, he’s a creep, he can’t spell, he doesn’t pronounce consonants when he speaks, he’s a Cro-Mag……… NONE of that matters, pro or con. It matters as far as how tough or easy it is for him to get on, but your opinion of him is irrelevant and worthless when it comes to what he’s trying to do at that point.

As a matter of fact, a good rule of thumb is “If he didn’t ask you, he doesn’t care.”

Which brings us to your actual question, “Does the man who wants a relationship care what you think?”

The simple answer is YES, which is basically addressed in Only Date People Better Than YOU!. See the section on “Dummies”.

The guy who wants a relationship had better care what his woman thinks. However, first of all, he’d better care that she thinks AT ALL. There are lots of guys and gals running around this planet with ZERO common sense, or at least little enough common sense to land them on the Maury Povich show having paternity tests done on several guys. Considering that there are only about 10 days in a month when you can actually get a girl pregnant, and you can count backwards to the month she became pregnant, that means that every single guy she has on stage with her tapped it within a 10-day period. Considering some chicks’ in-da-club behaviors, if those 10 days spanned two weekends, we could expect four guys to be sitting on the stage, Friday Night (day 1), Saturday Night (day 2), Friday Night (day 8 ) and Saturday Night (day 9). Now, that’s bad enough, but if there are more than four guys on the stage…. smh.

This is why the guy who wants a relationship is hoping that his potential girlfrend/wife’s brain works at all. There’s *NOTHING* wrong with a chick getting her groove on as much as she wants to with whomever she wants to. 🙂 However, if you’re going to be in a ‘committed’ relationship with her, you would like to believe that any kids that appear during that relationship are in fact… yours.

You also want to be able to take her places. When they have those couples get-togethers or business dinners, you want to be able to walk in with her on your arm and have people as impressed with her personality and mental faculties as with her looks. If you accept her without intelligence, you could be sabotaging your own career advancement while she talks some ignant ghetto ish to your COO. :/ Your girl is a reflection of YOU, so if you’re going for a relationship, aim as HIGH (mentally) as you possibly CAN! 😀

Also, in a relationship situation, a guy needs to know what his girl thinks so he can strive to make HER happy while he makes HIMSELF happy. You would hope that’s a goal of his in hooking up with her long-term.

Having said that… Like I said above, if he doesn’t ask you, he doesn’t care. If he’s minding his business, like he loves to do, and watching the game or something, and you come in blabbing about gossip from the job, he might listen to you as a FAVOR to you or to make sure he can get on later this evening, but no, he doesn’t CARE about that. 😀 If he did, he would have said “How was work today, dear? Was that chick still gossiping?” This is a totally different issue, so I won’t get into it here, but basically, you should get a checklist of the things he actually CARES about so that if you want to talk to him about something and have him actually interested and ENGAGED in the conversation, you know the parameters. 🙂

How To Tell if he wants sex or a relationship? Well… First of all, it’s not *OR*. It’s *AND*. He either wants sex and for you to break north… or he wants sex and for you to stay around and hang out with him. The SEX part is a given, otherwise, similar to the girl that asked me for the time, he’d be kicking it with someone OTHER THAN YOU! 😀

Think about it. The way relationships in the USA are set up, being BF/GF / Engaged / Married implies that you’re not having sex with anyone except your SO. Why in the world would someone attach themselves to someone they didn’t intend to have sex with? On top of that, lots of guys want to have kids. Sure they could go the test tube or adoption route, but MOST OF THE TIME, they’re going to want to have their kids the old fashioned way…
By mistake.

Anyway…

If it’s possible at all, I would say the way to tell that he wants a relationship is by how much he focuses on your PERSONALITY. How interested is he in getting to know YOU? What you’re about… What makes you tick… What makes you happy… What you don’t like… The intelligent guy is going to want to know A LOT about a chick he intends to make his S.O.

The problem with this personality-based theory is that, like Omar says, “It’s all in the game”. Guys already know what women are looking out for as cues that they’re interested in more than sex. Knowing the cues makes it easy to “Fake it ’till you make it”. 😀

So… the best thing women can hope for is to meet guys through trusted friends that are willing to vouch for their character and keep your fingers crossed! 😀

DatingGenius

PodCamp NYC Starts Today!

PodCamp NYC starts today, Friday April 6th. There are lots of sessions to attend on Saturday at The New Yorker Hotel (481 8th Avenue at 34th St).

Hi everyone, Eric Skiff here. We’re having a bit of trouble with our email service, and we’re currently not able to send mail to the PodCampNYC list. We’re working hard to get it back online so we can get everyone the pertinent info for Friday and Saturday, but in the meantime I’ll be starting to put some of the info here on the blog. If you use a feed reader, you can subscribe to the rss feed for this blog to get updates as we put them out. We’ll also be putting out late-breaking updates throughout the event on the PodCampNYC twitter account.

Schedule Info

With over 100 talks in 12 different rooms, this event is going to be AMAZING! You can now view the schedules and subscribe to them via Google Calendar or iCal.

Links, and instructions for using the calendars are here:
http://www.podcampnyc.org/wiki/index.php?title=Session_Schedule_Calendar_Links

You can also download the scheudle as a big, single page PDF.

If you’ve been to another unconference, having the schedule set in advance might seem a little foreign. Often, unconferences are scheduled by filling in a grid on the wall at the event itself. Because of the sheer number of speakers and attendees we felt that in order to create the best experience for everyone we had to focus on making good use of our space and getting sessions arranged in a sensible way.

That said, we do want to encourage ad hoc presentations and last-minute discussions. This is your event, we’re simply doing our best to facilitate. To help foster spontaneous events, Christopher S. Penn will be hosting a “mashboard’ at his sponsor table. Be sure to check out his booth if you’d like to schedule a talk not on the “official” schedule and see what other people are putting up on the board.

Chris has also put together a fantastic “Unofficial Guide to PodCampNYC.” It’s a printable PDF with maps of NYC and the hotel, sessions schedules, local restaurants, and much more. You can download the guide here:
http://www.financialaidpodcast.com/2007/03/31/the-unofficial-guide-to-podcamp-nyc/

We’ve only got a few more days between now and PodCampNYC. I’m looking forward to getting to see lots of familiar faces and meet many new friends there!

See you Friday!
Eric Skiff
Co-organizer, PodCampNYC

Tags:

Be there or be L7! 😀

Bill Cammack • New York City • Freelance Video Editor • alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack

Halloween Vlogfest 2006

Videos and pictures from the 2006 Halloween Videoblog Festival, hosted by Zadi & Steve of smashface.com and jetsetshow on Saturday, October 28th, from 7pm-11pm at the Yahoo Campus in Santa Monica.

Make sure you check out ReelSolid.TV’s “NODE 666 Reloaded” and Galacticast’s original “NODE 666”! 😀

==> Watch The Halloween Videos <== ==> Check out the Party Pix on Flickr <== ==> TV Guide’s vlogfest review! <==