“Bros Before Hoes” is generally misinterpreted to mean that anybody who is male gets preferential treatment in any situation where he’s in active or passive competition with a female.

An example of this is this 2008 election t-shirt design featuring Joe Biden and Sarah Palin:

This is not actually what Bros Before Hoes means, or what it stands for.

Before I get into the actual explanation, I’d like to say for the record that females have their own slogan for Girl Code, which is “Chicks Before Dicks”.

Friends

The way American society works, it’s very easy for guys to be friends with guys and it’s very easy for gals to be friends with gals. This is why you see a lot of polarized groups. You’ll see four guys hanging out at the baseball game. You’ll see seven women eating dinner together with no boyfriends in sight.

This is because, in general, males and females are not friends.

In fact, other than attempting to get laid, there are some guys that never speak to women at all.. unless they have to, like for some work project or something.

On the other side of the coin, there are some women that have no male friends at all either.. of their own choice and decision, not because girls don’t have friends that are guys.. That’s an entirely separate issue.

Meanwhile, Political Correctness would have you believe that we’re all one big androgynous melting pot. That’s not true.

Women often find this out the hard way… They think some dude is their friend, and then they announce to him that they’re not going to have sex with him and he vanishes into thin air like The Great Gazoo.

The Great Gazoo is a tiny, green, floating alien who was exiled to Earth from his home planet Zetox as punishment for having invented a doomsday machine, a weapon of immense destructive power.

His invention was a button which would destroy the universe if pressed, though he insists he made it on a whim with no intent of using it.

Gazoo was discovered by Fred and Barney when his flying saucer crashed.

*POOF* She never hears from him again, because the only reason he was speaking to her was so he could get laid.

This works in the other direction as well.. Guys will remain in the pocket and play that “friend” role until a chick announces that she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and then here come the suitors out of the woodwork, talkin’ ’bout how much they want to hit it, yadda yadda, when this whole time, they’ve been layin’ up in the cut, waiting for their turn to tap that ass.

So, what you end up with in this society is a group that seems to be based on equality, but it isn’t… Some people, including guys<->gals are actual friends, homies, home-skillets, like, they have a REAL relationship…. Other people are only allowed to remain in position as long as they remain functionally useful, and they’re often quickly and unceremoniously replaced.

This is the *actual* genesis of Bros Before Hoes.

Class

In a seemingly-equal group of Americans, you actually have two classes.. The first class being people (guys or gals) that have been invited because someone respects their personality, and the second class being people (guys or gals) that are only allowed to hang around because one of the first class members is trying to **** them.

In the authentic application of the concept, a guy might have male “bros” and also female “bros”. The actual differentiation is how much the individual is valued as a person, and whether they’re considered a first class citizen, *NOT* whether they’re male or female.

For example.. Back in the day, guys would bring chicks around and introduce them to us as their girlfriend or “wifey” or whatever… I would play along with the game and interact with these gals as if they were going to be recurring characters in our lives.

In fact, I already knew that they were NPC’s (Non-Player Characters). In a movie, they would be considered “extras”. They’re in the movie, and you see them in the coffee shop, but they don’t have any lines and may or may not get their name in the credits at the end of the film.

The funny/backwards aspect of situations like that is that these NPC’s would swear up and down that they were pivotal, important people, and make statements and demands as if they were in some type of powerful position. :D

Next thing you know, some other chick was being brought around by that same dude, introduced with the exact same title, and treated exactly the same way by tha fellaz.

No ceremony. No problem. No beef. No gradual or sudden dissolution of the relationship.. The previous chick would just disappear into thin air like The Great Gazoo, and she may or may not ever be mentioned again, ever in life.

If the story of her ejection was funny enough or interesting or educational enough, it might be told to the crew. Other than that, she was just replaced, and it was regular and no big deal and the next one up on deck got light until she disappeared also.

So, the actual meaning behind Bros Before Hoes is that if a dispute occurs involving a first class citizen (bro, male or female) and a second class citizen (ho, female), it’s in your best interest to side with the person who was your friend beforehand and will be your friend after the fact, instead of siding with the chick you happen to be screwing at this particular point in time, because you’re going to replace her with another one if she bounces.

You can’t replace actual friends that easily.

Chicks Before Dicks

Technically, this should work the same way in reverse, meaning:

The actual meaning behind Chicks Before Dicks is that if a dispute occurs involving a first class citizen (chick, female or male) and a second class citizen (dick, male), it’s in your best interest to side with the person who was your friend beforehand and will be your friend after the fact, instead of siding with the dude you happen to be receiving tha dilznick from at this particular point in time, because you’re going to replace him with another one if he bounces.

In reality.. Ain’t that type-a party. >:D

Most of the time, if you’re a friend of a chick and attempt to persuade her against the guy that’s currently hittin’ her off, you’re going to run into major resistance and might even get removed from her roster of friends.

This is why, when women don’t have any sex in their lives, they’re all content to hang out with a bunch of other women all the time, and then, AS SOOOOOOON as some guy’s willing to hit it, they bounce from “Girls’ Night Out” faster than Tea Party Debate audience members would let a 30-year-old without health insurance die.

So.. Since women’s emotional attachment to sex clouds their judgement, Chicks Before Dicks (Girl Code) isn’t as strictly adhered to as Guy Code.

There’s really no way around this… My advice to you is that if you have something negative to say to a female friend of yours regarding her source of sexual satisfaction, you’d better have as much concrete evidence as you can muster before you even bother to bring it up. :D

Female Bros

There aren’t a lot of Female Bros. This is because, like I said earlier, a lot of guys don’t even talk to women unless they’re trying to screw them, and then, as soon as it’s determined that they can’t get any, the guy stops talking to them, because what’s the point of that? \o/

However, these situations occur.. Mostly through getting to know women through work or social media or through mutual friends or the chick used to date your homeboy or whatever.

When this happens, these relationships as real as they come.

A lot of people fail to perceive male<->female Bro relationships, because they don’t believe they exist.. like The Great Gazoo. This leads to serious miscalculations on their part, when they incorrectly apply “Bros Before Hoes” to a social situation.

If I’m chillin’ with a female Bro and she spies a guy she likes, I’m going to try to faciliate her getting laid (or whatever she’s trying to do with him), just like I would for some male homeboy of mine I happened to be chillin’ with that saw a chick he wanted.

Also, if I see something that I feel shouldn’t be happening to her, I’m gonna back *her* play, not the play of the dude that’s trying to get over.

This is entirely different from cockblocking… I’m not on the payroll. I’m not paid to babysit some grown-ass woman from giving it up to some dude.

As long as what he’s doing is on the up-and-up, I’ll let him rock. If he can talk her panties off or whatever, good for him, I hope he enjoys himself! >:D

However.. If I feel like the situation isn’t proper, I’m going to check with her.. *ESPECIALLY* if the only reason she’s where we are is because she agreed to come somewhere with me… If I’m the reason she left her house, I’m going to make sure she returns to her house safely. Period. I don’t give a flying **** what anybody thinks about that. It’s what’s happening.

There are too many guys and gals in this town that leave chicks laying around in the garbage… Not on *MY* watch.

Fakers

I wanted to clear this up because there are a bunch of clowns running around on “reality” shows claiming Guy Code when they really have no integrity whatsoever.

They’re making guys look like chumps by claiming Guy Code and then snitching on their so-called boy to his girlfriend about something he did or deliberately gossiping or instigating unnecessary conflict.

It’s even worse when their adherence to Guy Code only lasts as long as they don’t have a chick to climb up on, and as soon as they achieve that, they become one of the girls.

In fact, guys like this don’t have *ANY* Bros, whatsoever. They’re mercenaries. They’re out for self. Dolo. Just because they’re male doesn’t mean they have any legitimate claim to raise their glass in the club and yell “BROS BEFORE HOOOOOOOES!!! >:D”.

Dudes like that make things tougher for the rest of us, since women attribute their ridiculous behavior to guys in general.

If they were really down with Guy Code, they’d represent it properly… The guys that are down with you get special privileges. The gals that are down with you get special privileges, and, in return, need to carry that extra weight associated with being “one of the fellaz”. They need to keep the crew’s business ‘out that streets’, not cockblock, and generally fulfill the responsibilities of a first class citizen.

Since these dudes ARE NOT authentically down with Guy Code, they make the rest of us look shabby by snitching on their boys, not backing up their girls, and siding with second class citizens over first class citizens so they can get some trim one time in life.

A real relationship is a meritocracy. Just because a dude is male, that doesn’t make him your Bro. Just because a chick is female, that doesn’t make her your Ho.

Don’t play yourself by assuming you’re automatically considered a first class citizen due to accident of birth.
–
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So they finally released the movie “Twilight” on cable, so I was able to check it out and see what all the hubbub was about.

Vampire shows have been all the rage recently. HBO has a series called True Blood that’s really popular and pretty much anything dealing with vampires is going to get run these days.

I’ve been wondering for quite a while why chicks have been falling all over themselves over “Twilight”. I figured a vampire movie is a vampire movie is a vampire movie. *yawn*

Having watched it now, I get it completely. The screenplay was very well written to fit the brainwashing of American females if not females all over the world.

I’m not saying the movie was interesting or good or unpredictable, haha.. I’m just saying that I understand why it’s a phenomenon because it hits the points that girls are trained to look for when they fantasize about being involved in a romantic relationship with a guy.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** If you still haven’t seen this movie, which was released over a year ago or you happen to be Keith Bevans, do not read the rest of this post! :D

Bella

Bella is the main character. The movie’s seen through her eyes. This is automatically going to be of interest to females, because most films are seen through guys’ eyes.

She doesn’t live in a big city. She transfers to a new school, which means she starts off with ZERO props. She has no friends. She’s a loner.

She’s cute enough for the sticks, but she’d be nothing to write home about in New York City. This is also endearing to females, because most of them fit into this category.

You don’t want your protagonist to be “too attractive” or else the audience will disconnect. Of course Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie. That’s what’s supposed to happen, because Angelina > Jennifer. You want the audience to feel like they’re immersed in a story that could actually happen to THEM in THEIR lives.

So Bella’s set up as a character that’s worthy of love but just doesn’t have any. Her parents are separated. Her father lives alone. Her mother has a new man and enjoys traveling with him. Basically, Bella has nothing at all in her life, emotionally.

Edward

Edward is seen as a “catch” in the town Bella moves to. He’s one of the elite, although the movie doesn’t establish WHY he’s considered elite. I can only assume it’s because they imply that he’s physically attractive and mentally a renegade.

I grew up with “elite” people in my elementary school. I understand the draw, even though “Twilight” skipped over the character development explaining these people.

When I was 13 years old, I knew other 13-year-olds that got $150 a week in “allowance” (The money your parents give you to live and have fun on for no particular reason). At the time, my allowance was $20/week and a lot of my friends (who had JOBS by the time they were 13 or just stayed broke) considered me rich because of that.

I knew 13-year-old “elites” that would throw wild parties and raid their parents’ liquor cabinets and be the talk of the school, come Monday. I also knew 16-year-old elite females that dropped out of school to have kids, most likely due to some of those same parties.

So I understand the concept of “the table of cool kids” and how fascinating they are, just because they’re living lives that the rest of us aren’t living. One thing the movie never addresses is that Edward doesn’t age past 17, even though he became a vampire in ~1918, and nobody seems to notice.

So Edward seems to be rich, cool, has his own car, his parents pull him out of school whenever it’s a really nice day and the faculty never complains (= his family has juice), so it would appear that he could choose whatever female(s) he wants and they’d be glad to get down with the program.

Perfect Dynamic

This sets up the perfect dynamic between Edward & Bella that she’s not supposed to be able to pull a guy as good as him and he’s not supposed to settle for a girl as mediocre as she is.

This is the format for the American female dream. Self-Validation through being selected by an elite male for her unique qualities. Without the male being elite, it’s not worth anything because “who cares?”. If the female had been stunning and all guys were chasing her, it wouldn’t have been worth anything because the average American female wouldn’t feel like the film was about *her*. This is a modern reenactment of John Hughes movies about the mechanic chick getting the guy that’s chasing beauty queens, except instead of it happening within the last five seconds of the movie before the credits, it happens towards the beginning of the film.

The basis, as usual, is the concept of “Love”. The way Love is sold to women is that it’s some supernatural occurrence that has no realistic explanation. The more of an explanation there is for it, the less valid it is. This is why you don’t get any credit for telling a gal she has a nice ass. She attributes your statement to LUST, which is low-rated when compared to LOVE, which is something you’re supposed to feel….. um… because you feel it and you can’t explain it. Lusting after her doesn’t make her feel unique, because you like a lot of chicks’ asses. If you’re “In love with her”, that means that she’s the only one that inspires you to feel a certain way and then it’s Game On!

Unfortunately for my ‘discovery’ of this film, I was aware ahead of time that Edward was a vampire and Bella was Human. As an editor, I’m going to be aware of this fact the entire time, because I would have been in charge of being aware of character development & continuity if I had edited this film myself. For this reason, when Bella walks into the class and passes in front of the fan and Edward covers his nose, I immediately considered that he was avoiding her because he considered her a tasty morsel, not because he was repulsed by her, as Bella assumed.

Natually, this gimmick was revisited during the baseball game scene when Edward tells Bella to put her hair down and then the breeze blows through it, sending her Human scent to James, the hunter vampire. This was another plot flaw, BTW, because the vampire female on Edward’s team had said she could smell Bella from across the field, yet James was standing right in front of her and didn’t detect her as Human until the wind blew past her in his direction.

American Dream

I realized how well this screenplay was written and why the phenomenon has become so huge during the car scene after Edward rescues Bella from a pending gangbang and is driving her away from the scene. Bella and Edward reach for the radio at the same time, and Bella goes “Your hand is so cold! :O”. This was my “AHA!” moment because this scene occurred maybe halfway through the entire movie. Edward had already saved her life from getting crushed by a van, hung out with her lots of times and now arrived out of nowhere to save her from four guys that were planning to tag up, and she had NEVER. TOUCHED. HIS. SKIN. BEFORE!!! O_o

This, my friends, is the American female dream… Something For Nothing. This guy was hanging out with her, courting her and protecting her and he had never even held her hand before. Never kissed her before. Never ****** her before. Nothing. There’s no explanation why he’s compelled to do things for her, which validates her as an unique female… a CUAO. From then on, I watched the physical interaction (or lack thereof) between Edward & Bella and realized how masterfully the sexual tension was built into this book which was adapted into a screenplay.

Kool-Aid

For some reason, Edward’s crew of vampires has sworn off eating people, although it’s natural to them. When Edward first smells Bella, he’s like “LUNCHTIME!!! :D” but he fights off his natural urges and disappears from school for a few days until he calms down. Meanwhile, Bella’s been experiencing some kind of inexplicable attraction to Edward which is of course attributed to “love”. Edward, then, for no apparent reason, saves Bella’s life, making her even more enthralled by the concept of being with him. When she finds out he’s a vampire, she declares that she doesn’t care and that she’s not afraid of him. Logically, she’s willing to risk her life to be with him being that she would have been dead already if he hadn’t saved her from being crushed, however, of course, this is utilized as another demonstration of how deep her LOVE is for Edward.

The real hook to this movie is the fact that Edward can’t physically interact with Bella for fear of losing control and killing her. He decides to make out with her one time and has to retreat from that situation. This is like Female Final Fantasy.. that a guy wants them so badly that it hurts, but at the same time, he’s not willing to pull the trigger. Brilliant! :D BRAVO!!! :D Excellent Writing! :D I wish I would have thought up “Vampires that restrain themselves from eating Humans” myself.

Edward fights for and protects Bella, declaring her his entire life, and he hasn’t even hit it yet. What girl isn’t gonna drop her drawers for *THAT*? :D He goes against his family, goes against the entire town, goes against regular vampires, faces off against wolves, *AND* even goes against his own natural urges to KILL BELLA because he’s in love with her.

On top of all that, he can read EVERYONE’S mind, except for hers. The new-girl outcast loner is SO unique and important! Of course chicks are gonna drink the Kool-Aid straight with no chaser, wipe their lips and ask you to pass them some more! :D

Be Edward

The obvious moral of this story for the fellaz is to BE EDWARD!!! :D

Some gals you can pull by telling them what you WILL do for them. Others, you can pull by telling them what you WON’T do. ;) Be the Alpha. Make her feel unique. Tell her what you want from her…….. and then tell her why you can’t or won’t pull the trigger. Sweetness! hehe Leave her wondering how it WOULD HAVE BEEN if she had hooked up with you.

A lot of chicks won’t give it up simply because they know you want it. It’s this weirdo mentality where they like to make themselves feel special or perhaps powerful by denying or defying you. I know you know what I’m talking about.. Everything’s going in the right direction, and all of a sudden, they’re backing away from you or they start playing games. The counter to this dumb way of being is to tell them what you’re NOT going to do so they attempt to defy you by making you do it.

You see this throughout the movie. Edward tells Bella he’s a killer, her response is that she’s not afraid of him. Edward seems to be repulsed by her when he has to sit next to her in class, she wants to confront him about that. Edward tells her he’s not going to tell her about himself, she insists. Edward tells her he’s not going to turn her into a vampire, she tells him she wants to live with him forever.

So.. If nothing in your usual repertoire’s working, flip the script. Be That Guy. Make her the star of your movie. Break out your “Something for Nothing” game. Let her know that you’re her American Dream.. just don’t give it to her… Just let the tension build and see what happens ;)

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Every so often, a word gets stolen or misused by someone and that word becomes a part of popular culture and retains the new meaning, going forward. One of these myriad words is “Player”.

I’m extremely tired of people using the word “Player” when all they actually mean is “He doesn’t want a ‘relationship’ with a chick, but he’s down to screw them”. The reason this happened is that most people have exactly ZERO idea of what they’re doing when it comes to dating, which is why they use terms like “getting lucky”. Anything outside of what THEY THINK should go on during dating is considered to be some kind of conspiracy. If you’re not down with the get married, have kids, croak pattern, then either there’s something wrong with you or you’re deliberately jacking the system.

Let me tell you now… There’s a distinct difference between actual Players and guys that just plain like girls and are going to mess with as many as they can before they (the guys) become busted-looking and their career is completely over. Of course there are lots of levels to this, but let’s just stick to this basic separation for now.

*I* am a Player. What makes me a Player is that it’s all business to me. I’m leaving either NOTHING or as little as possible to chance. If a chick turns me on, I get a certain energy that tells me what to do. The goal from then on is to get to the nitty-gritty. I’m attempting to get what I want ASAP. *NOW*, if possible! :D I don’t’ care what your future plans are. I don’t care how many kids you want to have. I don’t care where you want to live 5 years from now or where you’ll be in your career. I want to do what I want to do and I’m going to do my DAMNEDEST to make that happen… NOW! :D

This has been described to me in myriad ways. My friend Joyce calls it “Always On”, haha because I’m always angling for whatever I can get from a chick. Another gal told me “You’re the guy I’m scared of meeting when I go out to parties”. Chicks I’ve actually been dating at the time have informed me of their impressions of my way of being, and I’ve been amazed at their insight whilst in the heat of things.

I’m from New York City. There’s nothing but competition in this town. There’s someone taller than you, richer than you, smarter than you, cuter than you, funnier than you, that dresses better than you, has a better car than you, wears better jewelry than you, is more popular than you, more talented than you, blogs more than you……. ok, maybe not blogs more than THE KID! haha but you get the picture. You have two choices in this town.. Take the scraps that are available to you, the leftovers from the guys that are actually makin’ it happen and turning chicks on, or figure out how to get in the game and make it happen for yourself.

My friend Karen (Thanks A Lot, Karen… Good Lookin’ Out! :/) recently posted a picture that was taken of me when I was in High School. There are eight (8) guys in that picture. I would have been exactly in SLOT NUMBER EIGHT to get the rap if some random chick had walked down the street and happened across all of us. LAST. I have no idea what the actual pecking order would have been, because I wasn’t paying attention to that stuff at the time, but all the guys had gimmicks that I personally didn’t have in my arsenal at the time. ‘Matter of fact, I *HAD* no arsenal at the time! :D

Chicks just like me. Not all of them, but ENOUGH of them. Because of that, up until HS, I had never developed any format for pulling chicks. It’s just a gift from God. Thanks, God! :D I’ve literally been ASLEEP and chicks have woken me up to talk to me. Like. Actually. Asleep, and when I woke up, I was at a party and some chick is tapping me on my shoulder wanting to kick it to me hahaha. That’s happened more than once, due to the fact that I hang out with people that have my back entirely, so I’m perfectly safe going to sleep anywhere at any time. If I don’t get my second wind, wake me up when the party’s over so I can get out of someone’s house! :D

Anyway… That’s all well and good if you’re not around guys with specific plans on how they’re going to pull chicks. They have the right jewelry. They have the clean sneakers. They have the Lees with the sewn-in crease. They ironed their fat laces. Their name buckle’s shiny. They got their ‘line’ done (got their haircut shaped up perfectly). They practiced their Electric Boogie routines. They know the lines to say to chicks to get them to lay down ASAP. They know which chicks are down for the action regardless of what you say to them. They’re wearing the latest clothes. They have murals painted on the back of their denim jackets. They have the right AC/DC and The Who patches. Their parents are rich and live on Park Avenue and they’re rarely home and they have a liquor cabinet…..

This is why I’m a Player. I’ve had to overcome too many obstacles in my life to leave dating to chance. When your allowance is $20/week and your homeboy’s allowance is $150/week…… IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!!! :/ You end up looking like a BROKE MotherTrucker.

Meanwhile, dudes are ACCUSED of being Players just because they happened to mess with you AND your cousin last summer. Sorry. That doesn’t qualify you as a player that you messed with two chicks that happen to be blood-related. You can get extra points for it and a pat on the back from the fellaz, but *ONLY* if at least one of them knew you were already messing with the other one. If you pulled two girls that just so happen to be related, who cares? Ultimate Dap if you hooked up with them simultaneously, but that’s not normally the situation. What normally happens is that just because a guy thinks a chick is attractive and he wants to spend some intimate time with her, she thinks he’s angling for some sort of exclusive relationship. If that’s not the direction it goes, her girlfriends are like “Oh!.. So he’s a PLAYER, HUH? :/” as they commiserate over Häagen-Dazs.

The reason this is important is that the non-Players aren’t getting a fair shake. Just because they don’t conform to your idea of what’s supposed to go on when a guy and a gal hook up, you label them as something they’re actually not and then here come the sanctions and embargoes against the guy for just being who he is, whether he tells you about it straight up or you hear it through the grapevine. Doesn’t it make sense that the guys with no game or no looks or no money are going to be MORE LIKELY to take what they can get from a chick? It’s not that they’re being deliberately manipulative… They’re just trying to live their lives and have some good times with some chicks they think are FOYINE!!! (haha, right, Corinne? :D).. They’re not doing ANYTHING underhanded to you. They honestly like you… AND your cousin… AND your moms, if she’s still got it like that! ;)

I was watching one of these infinitely-produced COPS-type shows and they had to go to a trailer park for a domestic disturbance. The chick was wildin’ out and the cops removed her from the guy’s trailer and put her in a cab to her relative’s house. When they were talking to the guy on camera, they asked him about her demeanor. He said (and I wish I could remember verbatim), essentially “She’s completely a *JERK*, but I’m a fat, unattractive guy… \o/”. Guys will take whatever they can get. It doesn’t make them Players / manipulators. They’re just tryin’na Live The Dream!

The funny thing about all this is that the Players know how to make themselves look like regular dudes and the regular dudes don’t know how to make themselves NOT look like Players, haha so most of the time, women are looking in the wrong direction when they’re trying to figure out who’s going to “take the money & run”. There’s no distinction made for the set of guys that are just trying to enjoy an attractive female’s company without turning it into some kind of overblown production about “what this means” and “where is this going?”. It’s like “Dudes that want to get married” and “Players”. :/

What makes the situation even worse is that there are lots of Players that would LOVE to get married and DO get married. Let HER make all the money while I play video games all day and listen to how her day was when she comes home? HAHA “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(” hahaha You Bet! There are lots of dudes that hook up with some rich chick so they can lamp in her crib and live off her money while they still hook up with whatever other chicks they want. Actually, there are dudes that hook up with POOR CHICKS for the same reason! :O .. She’s getting X amount in food stamps, plus money from “her baby’s father” every month? Sign A Brotha UP! :D Spread the wealth, amongst other things!

As I always say.. The only way around this is checks & balances. If you date people that you have mutual friends with that you can trust, you’ll most likely be alright. 325 Mutual Facebook Friends aren’t going to ALL steer you wrong if you ask them questions about a guy you’re thinking about dating or at least hooking up with. In the year 2009, the reasons for dating someone that NONE of your friends have ever heard of is ZERO. Start making groups of guys and gals that go out together all as friends and see if anything develops from there. Make as many pressure-free situations as you can where you get to spend time with guys and see what they’re really like. Is he paying attention to you, or checking out ass every second he can? hahaha Not that *I* know anyone like THAT, but still! :D

So give these guys a break. They’re not PLAYERS, just because they’re not going to commit to you or anyone else. If you ever run into an ACTUAL Player, you may very well learn the difference and start to appreciate ‘regular’ guys that aren’t going to lie, cheat & steal to get into your panties by any means necessary! haha YA HEARD? :D

~Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! :(

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! :D

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. :(

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! :(

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha :D Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! :(
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! :D

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! :D

~Bill

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Lindz & Bill 2 days in – August 01, 2008, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Recent Visitor map for Lindsey Chen & Bill Cammack’s article “Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying To Get A Girl”

Post: July 30, 2008 11:32 am

Screenshot: August 01, 2008 7:19 pm

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