Purplecar called my attention last night to a post on CNN.com by Wendy Atterberry called “Why women shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ first”. There were some decent points in the post, in the typical advice column fashion:

Wendy: “But an ‘I love you’ uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn’t feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn’t get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.”

I’m sure that this scenario plays itself out every single day, all around the world. I think the advice is valid for the way people approach “Love”. The problem is that lots of people have a retarded idea of what “Love” actually is.

I know this is going to be hard for you to process, because it so complex, but bear with me for a minute… you ready?… The reality of the situation is:

You Love Who You Love

That’s it. There’s nothing more that matters in that sentence. Everything else is on the fringe… window dressing. There are only two states. You love someone or you don’t. Period. There may be REASONS why you love this person, but that has nothing to do with the STATE of feeling love or being in love.

The mistake that lots of people make is adding external qualifiers to an internal feeling. Whether someone else loves you or not has NOTHING to do with whether YOU love THEM. It’s YOUR feeling, and you feel it or you don’t.

The reason the points in the article are valid is because lots of people play that game… even though they don’t realize they’re playing a game. The game is “I only love someone who loves me”. Sorry. That’s not how it works. :/ If that were even LOGICAL, that would mean that you wouldn’t be able to ACHIEVE the state of “being in love” without the other person loving you beforehand. Of course, that person wouldn’t be able to love you EITHER until you loved THEM, by the same logic.

Just the fact that the article talks about saying “I love you” and not knowing what the other person’s response will be indicates that people achieve the state of being in love ON. THEIR. OWN. It’s YOUR feeling, and really has nothing to do with what the other person feels about you.

For example, I love my relatives. I love my relatives that always do the right thing and I love my relatives that always do the WRONG thing. I might not like their actions or what they said sometimes, but I’m clear that I still love them… and not because I CHOOSE to… It’s just a fact.

I also love women who don’t love me. There’s nothing “boo-hoo” about that. It’s just a fact. I know how I feel about them and I carry that with me. How THEY feel has absolutely nothing to do with my own personal emotional experience of interacting with them.

The fact that people are ashamed or embarrassed to own the fact that they love someone that doesn’t love them is what breaks up perfectly good relationships for no reason at all. Hollywood wants you to believe that you run into some chick and she drops her books and you pick them up for her and look into her eyes and you both know that it’s love at first sight and then you start having kids. Nah. Real Life doesn’t work that way. If it did for you, you’re lucky, so enjoy it! :D IRL, you feel how you feel, and your S.O. feels how they feel, and if it escalates at the same time, good for you.

On top of that.. Saying “I love you” has NOTHING to do with actually loving someone. There are ZERO consequences for saying “I love you” to someone. Try it out the next time you go to work. Select someone you don’t actually love and say “I love you”. See what happens. I’ll tell you right now. Nothing. Saying “I love you” is probably the second easiest way to get laid other than paying an actual hooker. For some reason, women tend to believe it’s impossible for a guy to say he loves her without actually meaning it. It’s only three words. Without the actual feeling, emotion and action behind them, they’re entirely worthless.

So… The REAL answer to that question, “When should a woman say she loves a man?” is…….

When She Loves Him

If you can allow “I love you” to be a personal expression from you to someone else, WITHOUT conditions and expectations of reciprocation, you can say it whenever you want. “I love you” is not a TEST. It’s an indication of your mental and/or emotional state. YOURS. Nobody else’s.

Instead of trying to artificially restrict what you naturally feel, you should just feel glad that you ever loved anybody at all.

~Bill

Bill Cammack Facebook Fan Page
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• Happy Together
• Dating A Narcissist
• Normal Relationships & Labels
• Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You
• Why Women Have To Be Attractive And Men Don’t

So my blog, DatingGenius gets syndicated in a few places… mostly Lux & Blakeley’s Boinkology.

The other day, my blog was linked to by Alexis McKinnis, over @ vita.mn in a post called “Quick Links: Dude Edition”.

So today, I’m having a conversation with a friend where I’m discussing syndication, and I link to Alexis’ blog as an example and lo and behold, there are comments that had been made since the time I became aware of and read the post. One of those comments was from a reader of hers who calls himself “AlphaBean”, and here’s what he had to say, which pertained to my post, “Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend”:

3) I don’t like that list. It sounds like it’s trying to be scientific, without actually delving into the psychology of men. People like manboys (AlphaBean) who can’t even say “I Love You” in private without feeling like a tool. That would be getting way too serious, wouldn’t it? But come on… if you’re not going to be serious, then at least be funny. Rachel Ray jacking off corn? A H2 Hummer stuck in a mud puddle? Hilarious. That list? Not so much.

Now… Putting aside the fact that this person clearly read my post and decided NOT to leave that comment on MY blog, but back on Alexis’… What jumped out at me was “The Psychology of Men”. I think that’s a FANTASTIC title, and it probably should have been the first post of this kind that I ever wrote. So now… Let’s talk about “The Psychology of Men”.

Ladies… Here is the male thought process……

That’s it.

Give your man what he wants, and you will remain. Deviate from the Prime Directive, and you will be replaced.

It’s that simple. There’s nothing else you need to know about guys. You can apply this Golden Rule in all situations:

He wants to have sex and you don’t… you will be replaced.
He wants to go to the club and you don’t… you will be replaced.
He wants breakfast and you don’t want to cook it… you will be replaced.
You don’t want to get out from in front of the television… you will be replaced.
He doesn’t want kids and you’re like “I’m having it anyway! :D “… you will be replaced.
You eat bon bons all day instead of going to the gym… you will be replaced.

etc etc etc ad infinitum. You are neither Spock nor McCoy nor Uhura. You do not resemble Nichelle Nichols:

You are a Redshirt. There is no guarantee that you will reprise your role in the next episode. If there are hostile forces on the planet y’all beam down to, *YOU* will be the first to go. Beleedat. :D

A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres,[citation needed] whose primary purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus demonstrating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term originates from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on field missions under the aforementioned circumstances.[1]

Now that we’ve… delved into the psychology of men….. Let’s discuss why “AlphaBean” refers to himself as a “manboy” and “can’t even say ‘I Love You’ in private without feeling like a tool”.

By both of his statements, “AlphaBean” informs us that he’s been BRAINWASHED. I can only imagine what a “manboy” is supposed to be. It sounds like a character from “Land of the Lost”.

However, I’ll assume it’s a reference to someone whose age indicates that they’re a man, but whose behavior & mannerisms indicate that they’re a boy. *YAWN*. If that’s the case, WAKE UP, “ALPHABEAN”. There’s no blueprint to human development. You feel how you feel and that’s it. There’s no agreed-upon AGE where someone starts to feel differently than they felt before. Just because you’re 72 doesn’t mean you can’t pull 54-year-old chicks. Free your mind. Stop blaming yourself for not keeping up with the Joneses. Do You.

As far as “feeling like a tool” (whatever a “tool” is), for saying “I love you” in private… Why don’t you examine what that phrase means to you?….. Where did you learn it? What did it mean to you as a child? What did it mean to you when your parents said that to you? DID your parents say that to you? Is “I love you” merely a tool you use to get laid? Is “I love you” a term that you emotionally reserve to ONLY say to “The One”? If that’s the case, then you won’t feel comfortable saying “I love you” to a chick that you know damned well is NOT “The One”. Capisce?

On top of that, according to your profile, you live in the United States of America, which means that you will most likely be labeled a PUSSY for telling a chick you love her, even if you do, with your entire heart and soul. If it’s not that you’ll be less of a man, you might be worried that your relationship to her will change instantaneously by saying three bullshit words that anyone can say to anyone with no fear of getting struck by lightning. You’ll also be penalized by society for telling more than one chick that you love her, which is known as polyamory. You’ll also be penalized for telling a chick you love her if she’s already in a so-called relationship to someone else. The job of your Superego is to carry society’s brainwashing along with you to beat you over the head whenever you’re ready to do whatever comes naturally to you.

So, yeah… Being that I minored in Psych @ MIT (alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack), I can go on and on about “The Psychology of Men” all day and all night. That wasn’t my point, in “Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend”, but I’m glad you brought it up! :D

Cheers! :D

DatingGenius

Related Posts

• EMS Episode 99: Manhattan, NYC Fireworks
• My Life
• That’s OK… My Dog Doesn’t Speak EITHER!
• Ominous Conditions
• NYC Skyline