From time immemorial, guys have wondered why women go to the bathroom together. Well… The Kid‘s about to let you know what the real deal is! :D

Here are five reasons why women go to the bathroom together:

1. Cockblocking

If there’s one thing women love, it’s NOT MINDING their own business. The only thing they love more than that is stopping YOU from getting laid. It’s one of the two things they do to guys that make them feel accomplished in life….

If you’re talking to a gal and her homegirl comes over uninvited, she’s trying to block ONE OF YOU. There’s a very, very, very, VERY low-percentage chance that she’s trying to steal you from her girlfriend. I’ve had this happen, and most of the time it’s been because the blocker considered herself as trumping the blockee in looks or sexuality. It’s basically “If SHE can get the rap to him, I know that *I* can get him too / instead”. It’s flattering and all that, but it’s also corny. Just be happy for your girl and stay out of her business. Stop being greedy & competitive.

There’s an even LOWER PERCENTAGE CHANCE that that’s how she and her girlfriend roll… Like, they do everything together.. Like, EVERYTHING! ;) I’ve had this happen as well, and the difference is that there’s a comfort level in their interaction with you. When the new chick arrives, it’s like nothing’s different. The original chick is just as comfortable around you and just as authentic with her girl right there. The new chick’s vibe is one of assisting her girl, not competing with or blocking her. It’s like a package deal.. If you want one, you get the other by default.. or at least she’ll be in the same room, watching. :D

99.987% of the time, you don’t have to worry about this, though. :D The reason the chick came over was to “save” her girlfriend from YOU. This normally doesn’t have anything to do with you, but rather that chicks that get caught giving it up like to blame the guy for leading her astray, and then they make deals with each other to stop each other from giving it up when they go out partying.

So, regardless of whether you’re telling her how to do better in her Google SERP rankings or you’re telling her what you want to do to her when you get her alone, her homegirl is going to interrupt her merely because she sees her talking alone with a guy. Don’t take it personally. It’s all in the game. This is why you have to kick your game quickly and not lay back in the cut like as if you’re going to have all evening to chat this chick up. If you want her number, get it up front. If you want her Social Media contact information, get it up front. Every minute you delay, you’re increasing the chances that her no-rap-getting homegirl is going to wonder where her girl is and insert herself into her business.

Anyway, if this chick comes over and makes herself the third wheel, check her body positioning. Normally, if she’s up to no good, her shoulder will be facing you and her body will be facing her homegirl. She’s not there to talk to both of you but to talk to her girl in front of you. Keep an eye on her eyes. She’s going to be trying to communicate to her girl that she wants her to leave with her. In rare cases, a chick will just come over and physically remove her girlfriend from your conversation by grabbing her arm and pulling her ANYWHERE where you’re not located. This is rude as hell, but it happens. \o/

If she’s not that bold, she’s going to suggest that they go to the bathroom together. This is an extremely suspicious move if the establishment you’re in has unisex, single-stall bathrooms. It’s even more suspicious if there’s obviously no line for the bathroom, so the third-wheel-chick should just go to the bathroom by herself, since nobody invited her into your conversation in the first place.

So then, she suggests that her girl goes with her. You shouldn’t care about this, because you should have procured contact information ASAP, so who cares where she goes? You’ll call/text/email/DM her later or tomorrow. If you got caught slippin’, you might be short and you just lost one to the game. After the question is asked, check the eyes of the chick you were kicking’ it to. She’s either going to look like “Damn… She messed up my rap to this guy” or she’s going to look like “YEAH! THANKS, FRIEND!!! :D THANKS FOR SAVING ME FROM THIS GUY!” and she’ll eagerly excuse herself and head to the bathroom with her girl.

If she’s a CRUMB, she’ll say she’s coming back and then she won’t. If she’s respectable, she’ll inform you that she’s leaving and not coming back. If she’s interested in you, she’ll go with her girl and then come to find you either where she left you or wherever you migrated to after she walked away.

2. Doing Drugs

Since there’s a stigma against drug addicts, girls like to do their drugs privately. This is similar to how “Easy” chicks like to give it up on the DL so they can act like they’re not having sex with random dudes that they meet on the fly.

When a chick tells you she’s going to the bathroom with another chick, make sure you look her square in the eyes. Do it again when (IF) she comes back. If she used the bathroom, she’s going to be approximately as coherent/incoherent as she was when she left. If she comes back giddy and unable to focus, she was doing something she’s not supposed to be doing. Get Rid Of Her, IMMEDIATELY.

First of all.. You don’t want to accidentally have any kids with this chick that are going to be drug-addicted fresh out the box. Do yourself a favor and pull girls that don’t need to get high to have a good time.

Second, and most importantly.. You don’t want this chick to retardedly start a beef that you’re going to be expected to handle or even lift a finger to deal with. Chicks are souped up enough when they’re sober. You REALLY don’t want to be responsible for them when they’re wildin’ out. Get. Rid. Of. Her.

3. Talking About Boys

The old “Going to powder our noses” excuse has historically been a mainstay amongst women so that they can extract themselves from a situation and talk about the guy(s) that they’ve been hanging out with. This normally happens when you’re socializing with both women, not when the other one shows up uninvited. Basically, there’s something that the third wheel wants to say to her girl or ask her that she doesn’t want you to be aware of.

As long as you’ve been on-point with your game, you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to talk and giggle about you for a few minutes and then come back for more.

The air before this happens is going to be mutual fun and respect between all three of you. Once you get used to it, you can tell whether a chick’s trying to undermine your rap or socialize in a friendly fashion. These breaks are actually useful for you, because you get to check for text messages from other chicks that you intelligently ignored by putting your phone on vibrate, and figuring out where your other homegirls are on foursquare, in case the chicks in the current location don’t pan out.

Now that I’m thinking about this subject, I’m going to start preempting these situations. Every time a chick comes over uninvited, I’m going to ask the chick I was already talking to to come to the bathroom WITH ME!!! :D… well… assuming that the third wheel isn’t HAWTER than the one I was already talking to! ;)

4. Escaping Without Taking Responsibility

Sometimes, the chick you were already talking to will suggest to the third wheel that they hit the bathroom together. There could be several reasons for this, including that she actually has to use the bathroom and that there actually is a long line for the ladies’ room and she doesn’t want to be lonely while she’s waiting or that she wants to ask her girlfriend what she thinks about you. You’ll never really know until she returns, or doesn’t. It could also be that she’s smart enough not to trust her girlfriend around a guy she likes, and needs to get HER away from YOU….

If she doesn’t excuse herself with some form of “I’m not coming back” statement, she very well may be using the bathroom as an excuse to eject from your conversation without owning her actions. Actually, she doesn’t even need for her girl to have interrupted your conversation for that. She’ll just announce that she’s going to the bathroom, and the next thing you know, she’s in some conversation in another part of the establishment as if you never existed and she hadn’t been speaking to you before she left.

To be fair, guys do this also. When new chicks arrive somewhere who are more attractive than the gal he’s currently kicking’ it with, a guy’s liable to bail from a situation in order to pursue what he (currently) *really* wants. The good old “My phone is on vibrator” trick works really well for this when you fake receiving a call and tell the chick it’s too loud in here and need to go outside to take this call.

No matter who’s doing it, this behavior is corny & discourteous if you’re planning to remain inside the establishment where you were speaking to the other person. All you’re doing is letting them know that as soon as you perceive a situation to be “tough”, you’re going to lie about it instead of come straight up with the truth. At least, if you’ve got to lie to get out of a conversation, add the fact that you’re ending THIS conversation to the lie. “Hey. It was nice talking to you, but I’ve got to go find my (non-existent) friends that I’ve been ignoring for the last 30 minutes that I’ve been kickin’ it with you. Google Me. Peace.”

Anyway, if a chick uses the old “I’m going to the bathroom” escape trick on you, she’s clearly willing to omit the truth or bend it so she doesn’t have to own what she’s really thinking or what she really wants to do. If you just met her, you might decide to let that slide, since women get hit on every day by men and there’s nothing differentiating you from her other stalkers until y’all get to know each other.

If you’ve already spent some time with her or you’ve been introduced by mutual friends and she pulls this, you might consider erasing her information if you got it before she left. In this age of Social Media, it’s increasingly easy for people’s “behind closed doors” behavior to accidentally see the light of day through pictures & videos that weren’t shot by either one of you.

If that happens, you want her to be the type of chick to go “Yeah. I did it. Mind your business.” and not “OH MY GOD!.. IT’S HIS FAULT!” when it was either her idea or a mutual decision made between consenting adults. If she can’t / won’t take responsibility for not wanting to talk to you anymore at a social function, don’t expect her to be a stand-up person when it REALLY COUNTS either.

5. They’re Lesbians

Sweet! The More, The Merrier! :D

~ Bill Cammack

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Make no mistake. This is not a post about how to CLONE yourself, but rather how to CLOWN yourself. Some guy caught feelin’s over what President Obama said in a speech the other night and screamed out “YOU LIE” while the President of The United States Of America was speaking. hahahahaha um… WHAT? hahahahahaha :D

Here’s the video clip. Dude flips out at 1:28…

Now.. The Kid don’t care about politics AT. ALL. Not AT ALL! :D However, are several lessons to be learned here.

Hold Your Head

First of all, what you want to do in any situation, especially a situation where you’re in public, especially a situation when you’re around people you do business with, especially in a situation where you’re around your superiors, especially when you were PRIVILEGED enough to be sitting in the same room with the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, hahaha you don’t want to forget who you are and what your station is in life.

If you’re a member of the House of Representatives and the President is talking, STFU.

If you’re a Private in the armed forces, and a General is talking, STFU.

If you’re an employee and the CEO is talking, STFU.

This is known as RESPECT. If people begin to believe that you don’t know how to respect your superiors, you will be shunned. Beleedat. Your superiors will see you as an insubordinate. Your peers will see you as a liability. Nobody wants to be the man next to the man that can’t control himself. Nobody wants to suffer guilt by association.

If you were selected for or elected to a position of privilege, it’s because people believed that you could handle the pressure. People believed that you could do the business without becoming so emotionally wrapped up in the situation that you lose your cool and make your whole team look like JERKS. If you let it slip that you aren’t able to handle that responsibility, you will receive Das Boot… Quick, Fast, In A Hurry, Flava’s Vision Ain’t Blurry.

Mob Mentality

Also, don’t play yourself by aligning yourself with people that will murmur when they’re in a crowd of murmurers, but will STFU when it comes to individually expressing their opinions. There’s nothing wrong with (or illegal about) thinking that the POTUS is lying to you. There’s something wrong with you running your mouth when nobody offered you a chance to speak. There’s something wrong with you challenging someone you don’t have the authority or rank to challenge. Regardless of how many people agree with what you said, they STILL wouldn’t have done what you did. To them, that’s what separates them from the savages and you just marked yourself as a savage.

A lot of people go out like suckers in this fashion. They feel like because everyone else is hooting and hollering and saying stuff under their breaths that they wouldn’t dare say out loud, in public, in a business environment, in the presence of their superiors and ON VIDEOTAPE, SO THE WORLD CAN CHECK IT OUT ON YOUTUBE that if they scream out something that they know that they and their team believe that their team is going to back their play.

Nope.

Your team will back your play as long as you play your position. If you’re a benchwarmer, you don’t get to substitute yourself into the game for the star running back. You don’t get to request the ball for the last shot instead of Michael Jordan. You don’t get to tell Tiger Woods how he should putt. You get to STFU and be happy that people think you’re up to the challenge of being in the game without being the best player. If you want to scream on people, get elected President so EVERYBODY ELSE needs to STFU when YOU’RE speaking.

Damage Control

Next thing you know, your boys give you a SHELLACKING for making them look uncivilized. That’s the point here. It’s not that they disagree with you.. It’s that you expressed yourself like a savage and made EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM look bad so they send you out to the reporters so you can fall on your sword with some statement like:

“Well, I, uh… Last night, uh, heard from the leadership that they, uh, wanted me to contact The White House, uh, and state that, UHHHHHHH, my, uh, statements, uh, were inappropriate. I did. I’m very grateful, uh, that The White House, in talking with them, uh, they indicated that, uh, they appreciated the call, and that we needed to have a civil discussion about the Health Care issues, and I certainly agree with that.”

UMMMMM…. NO. #*$&%^@. DUH! Are you kidding me? What?… NOW, you feel like you agree that you need to have a civil discussion instead of BLURTING OUT HOW YOU FEEL when The President of the United States of America is speaking? :D HAHAHAHAHA oh. nice.

This is known as Damage Control. You’ve already made yourself a laughing stock and a poster boy for your entire team. You’re like that chick that gave it up and then fell in love when the dude was on to the next chick already and forgot what your name is… IF he had ever asked you in the first place. Discretion is the better part of valor. There’s a reason why these pundits go on television and disagree with each other and make sure they show a big toothy grin when they’re finished. It’s all part of the game. The reason you made it to the position you made it to was because people felt like you understood the game and could handle it. NOW, your job is going to be HANDLING taking all the blame yourself so the rest of your team can try to play you off like keyboard cat.

Insult To Injury

Next, you get to look like even MORE OF A CHUMP when the guy you interrupted with your outburst calmly, rationally and intelligently accepts your apology:

See what happened to you? He didn’t even need to address what you said. Now you look small, and it sounds like you FEEL small by the way your voice was cracking when you were trying to memorize and regurgitate that fake apology like Chris Brown.

Nobody wants to hear about “The Heat Of The Moment”. Nobody wants to hear that you were acting spontaneously. You are not a freestyle rapper. You don’t get your money from record labels. You get your money for ACTING CIVILLY and FOLLOWING THE RULES. If you can’t do that, someone else will be sitting in your seat after the next election/selection period.

The Point

The point is that once you achieve a certain level in society or business, you can’t afford to act “common”. You can’t afford to throw popcorn at the television. You can’t afford to throw shoes at Presidents. You can’t afford to get caught up in your emotions when you’re supposed to be sitting still and SHUTTING THE %&$^ UP when your superior is speaking.

If you can’t follow the rules, you get demoted or ejected. There are lots of avenues available to you to express your opinion in a civil fashion. It’s not like this is your ONE CHANCE TO SPEAK, when you’re sitting in a crowd of hundreds of people that are following the rules. It’s bad enough when the General asks for a volunteer and you don’t step forward but everyone else steps back so you get caught out there. It’s even worse when you call attention to yourself, not for your beliefs but for the fact that you weren’t able to control yourself, which makes you look bad, makes your teammate next to you look bad, and makes YOUR SUPERIORS on your team look bad when they’re trying everything they can to make it look like they deserve to sit at the grown-ups table instead of the kiddie table.

Play your position and your team will back your play. Strike out going for a Home Run when they told you to Bunt, and you’re going to find yourself on the bench, traded to another Major League team or demoted to the minors.

~ Bill Cammack

*EDIT*: It turns out that Keith Olbermann finished this same guy off with a 36-hit combo. WoW! :D

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The way the dating game works, guys have to be the aggressors and girls choose from the suitors who present themselves. There are several reasons for this, including women attempting to avoid the stigma of being considered hoes for stepping up front and telling a guy what they really want to do with him. Another reason is that gals tend to be more relationship-based, while guys are more get-laid-based.

What this creates is an uneven playing field where guys are always playing offense and girls are always playing defense. I had a rare opportunity, recently, to watch a creep operate… Let me back up a bit…

What/Who is a Creep?

A creep isn’t defined by tactics. A creep is defined by whether a chick wants to kick it to him or not. If a girl likes you, you can say just about anything you want to her, and she’ll go for it. She wants you to want her. She’s excited that she excites you. You can literally walk up to a chick and say “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” and she’ll make out with you, because that’s what she’s been daydreaming about this whole time since she first saw you…. kissing you, not you saying some corny, meaningless line.

So, a creep is a guy that a chick DOESN’T want to talk to her, but insists on talking to her anyway. He could be the most polite, well read, gentlemanly blah blah blah but if she’s not interested, he’s a nuisance that she needs to get rid of ASAP. Not only is he annoying, but he’s taking up space where a guy that she REALLY wants to meet could be standing and she could be enjoying herself.

So I had been about to say “I recently got to see a creep operate”, but that’s not actually true. I’ve seen creeps operate lots of times, except they’ve been friends of mine, so I’ve been hoping that they get on. Sometimes, the creep was ME! :D What I should have said was that I had the rare opportunity to watch some creep I don’t know operate, and because of that, I can now write up my favorite tips on how to *NOT* be a creep:

Don’t interrupt people’s conversations

If you want to be seen as a creep off the bat, jump into someone’s conversation as if they invited you. I know you have your agenda and you want to kick it ASAP before someone else pulls her, but rolling up uninvited sets off the first alarm that you don’t know how to respect people’s wishes. If nobody was paying attention to you and then you appear like “TA-DAAAA!”, you’re immediately a nuisance and have just dug your rap into a hole that you’re going to have to waste your time digging yourself out of. Instead of starting at ZERO, you start at negative-whatever, because you couldn’t find a decent way to join the group.

If a chick is by herself, that’s a different story. You STILL need to enquire as far as whether she’d like for you to hang out with her or not. Don’t just roll up on a chick that’s standing there with nothing to do and assume that listening to your sap rap is BETTER for her to do than doing nothing at all.

If you ask her and she wants you to leave, sure, keep trying, but if you can’t turn her quickly, break north before she informs the rest of her girlfriends in the area that you’re a creep, jacking up other opportunities you might have had if you had played it cool.

Don’t invade people’s space

Different countries have different distances at which people stand when they engage each other. It’s in your best interest to be outside of any uncomfortable range that she might have. It’s better to appear socially standoffish than annoyingly aggressive or overbearing.

This is one of the reasons you want to avoid places where the music is too loud. You want to be able to hear and be heard without standing “on top” of the chick. Whatever advances you’re making with your verbal game are being negated by her feeling uncomfortable about the fact that you’re standing so close to her.

If you gain/build rapport with her, fine.. move in closer. Other than that, keep your distance so she’s not contemplating cracking you in your grill with that beer bottle in her hand if you make any sudden moves. Your goal is to make her feel comfortable with you, not WARY.

Don’t be a blithering idiot (don’t slur your speech)

This is a tough one, because who actually KNOWS when they’re drunk and slurring? Basically, do your best NOT to seem like an out-of-control drunk when you kick your game. Again, this adds to her paranoia and blocks her from feeling comfortable around you. As corny as you were from butting into her conversation in the first place and invading her space in the second, you REALLY don’t want her to feel that you might do some weirdo ish just because you’ve had too much to drink already tonight and you can’t be trusted.

Make up your mind what you’re going to do tonight. Either get drunk and whoop it up or just get ‘buzzed’ or ‘tipsy’ and keep your rap game intact. Your goal is either to Get Nice or Get On… Choose ONE!

Don’t touch people

I’ve seen this for years, but never really thought much about it. Unless you have a well thought-out plan, Do NOT Touch People that haven’t invited you to touch them or that you haven’t built a level of rapport with where you FEEL like they might be cool with you touching them.

It’s a basic club tactic for guys to see a girl going by that they want to screw and grab her arm as she walks through a crowd. On the one hand, this makes sense, because clubs are dark AND loud and there’s no other way to get her attention. This style also seems to make sense because there are a lot of girls that go for this. A lot of girls will actually stop and talk to the guy that just grabbed them because they enjoy the attention. They enjoy that he wanted them so much that he just “Couldn’t let her walk by” without saying something to them.

The fact of the matter is that it’s an invasion of privacy and an indicator that his behavior is going to be much more aggressive when he finally gets her alone somewhere. If that’s the image you want to project to chicks, go right ahead and keep grabbing them. You’re either amplifying or destroying your rap. They’re either going to love it or hate it, and in most cases, you’re making more work for yourself than you need to. Stop touching people. If you NEED to meet her, follow her to wherever she’s going, catch her eye and then introduce yourself.

If you insist on continuing with this behavior, at least make sure you grab the arm where she has the beer bottle in her hand so you’re less likely to need stitches later this evening.

Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to answer yourself

I know it’s a regular tactic to fake it as if you want to talk to chicks by talking to them. If you had it like that, you would have walked up to her, said “Let’s get out of here” and she would have left with you and you would have done what you wanted with her. Since you DON’T have it like that, don’t play yourself by asking personal questions.

Why in the hell would a chick that you just met by rolling up uninvited and invading her space feel like telling you where she lives? How old she is? What she ate for dinner? Whether she has a boyfriend? Does that make sense to you?

Leave that stuff out. Everybody knows you’re trying to make smalltalk. Everybody knows you’re biding your time until you can figure out how to get laid. Don’t bother trying to mask it with social banter. If you insist on doing this, keep it impersonal. “How do you like this place?”, “Have you checked out XYZ bar?”, “How do you like the music?”

If you ask personal questions, they’re going to backfire on you when she asks YOU what you just asked HER. How old are YOU? Where do YOU live? See that? All of a sudden, YOU’RE on the defensive and responding in vague and deceptive manners which unearth your true intentions anyway. So do yourself a favor and don’t ask any questions you wouldn’t want to answer yourself.

Do remember what people said

Also, if you INSIST on talking to chicks as a way to stay in the game until you can get laid, try to REMEMBER what they said. If you ask a chick where she’s from and she says she’s from Indiana and moved to NYC three years ago, don’t turn around 5 minutes later and go “So… How long have you lived here?” .. See, you look like a clown, or an idiot, or like you really are, which is that you don’t give a damn what she’s saying and you’re only running your mouth until you can get her alone and get to the nitty-gritty… Which leads us to our final tip:

Don’t be transparent

In the Social Media world, the term “transparency” has become synonymous with positive behavior. It’s basically being up-front with your company’s beliefs, policies, influences and motives. This doesn’t work in the dating world, because your entire plan is to be deceptive and work your way to your desired outcome.

Therefore, being transparent belies everything you’ve been trying to do. Don’t make conversation and then have it be obvious that you’re not interested in what she has to say. Don’t say you’re not trying to have sex with her and then do your best to see what you can get. Don’t cross the entire room to ask her if she has the time when you just walked past several people with watches. Stick to your plan and ride it out to the end.

If you don’t feel like you can do that, then don’t bother playing games at all. Step to her, let her know what you want and then either get it or don’t get it. Otherwise, she’s going to know that you’re going to say ANYTHING you have to to get her to do what you want and your credibility and rapport are going right down the drain.

You’re really better off just going for it, because at least you can get the respect of not having tried to cheat her into sex. You can also get the respect of not having wasted her time, trying for like 30 minutes to talk her into something she didn’t want to do for you in the first place. She’ll also appreciate your not blocking her ops with other guys that she might ACTUALLY want to talk to or mess with. Who knows? You might get lucky and she might approach YOU later in the evening, being that you were the only guy that didn’t try to run game, was up front with what he wanted and wasn’t overbearing or a JERK when she wasn’t interested.

You might also luck out and she might send you a girlfriend of hers that didn’t get any raps tonight and actually likes how you look. Regardless… It’s in YOUR best interest to NOT come off as a CREEP if you want to maximize your efficiency with chicks. Believe me… It gets around faster that you think. :)

~Bill

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