Rethinking Dating Apps

Dating Apps might be the car that a lot of people are driving now instead of the horse & buggy of actually hitting the streets and taking your chances meeting new people IRL.

I read a “disturbing” article the other day. 😀 haha I should have bookmarked it, but at the time, I didn’t think I was going to write about dating apps so I didn’t and now I can’t find it so I’m going to have to freestyle this without that reference.

Basically, what the article was saying was that people were using dating apps like Tinder *WHILE* they were already out for the evening at a bar.

I hadn’t considered this before.

What made sense to me is that people would have used Tinder ahead of time to decide which person they were going to spend time with WHEN they went out and then meet that person and see what happens.

I didn’t imagine that chicks might be sitting AT THE BAR on their phones swiping through potential dates for the evening even though there were guys right there, IRL (in real life) that they could have met, talked to, and/or hooked up with at the bar. Continue reading “Rethinking Dating Apps”

People Have To Know Who You Are

I just became aware of the latest scandal involving an internet bigwig. Some people who used to hang out with this dude ALL THE TIME are now saying “I knew he was a creep for a long time” and/or “I heard horrific rumors about him for a long time”.

I find this situation funny, yet educational, for a few reasons. One of them is that the people that “heard rumors” didn’t say JACK **** until this dude was publicly called out for his rumored behavior, way after the fact of when the situations actually occured, and with, so far, zero evidence of anything occurring at all, other than the word of this guy’s ex-girlfriend, who happens to be his accuser.

What’s funny about that is that by speaking up NOW, you highlight that you FAILED TO or REFUSED to speak up between when you heard these rumors and when the public allegations surfaced = not fly. Continue reading “People Have To Know Who You Are”

Email. Not Facebook. Not Twitter. Not Phone. Not IRL…

In this time of social media, we have a lot of ways to communicate with each other.

Each one can be considered a level, or a gate, with one requiring more of a person’s time, energy, and focus than another.

Admission to the higher levels of interaction requires that you first prove yourself on one or more of the lower levels.

In this time of social media, we have a lot of ways to communicate with each other.

Each one can be considered a level, or a gate, with one requiring more of a person’s time, energy, and focus than another.

Admission to the higher levels of interaction requires that you first prove yourself on one or more of the lower levels. Continue reading “Email. Not Facebook. Not Twitter. Not Phone. Not IRL…”

Deleting People From Facebook

Bill CammackBeing connected with people on social networks like Facebook, Twitter & Foursquare has taken on a new importance in people’s lives in 2010 AD.

It used to be a frivolous decision whether to add someone as a “friend” or not. It used to be similarly unimportant whether you deleted someone after becoming friends with them. Those days are over. 🙂 Friending and unfriending people is serious business now, as people’s IRL lives spill over into their online presence and “art” begins to imitate life… Continue reading “Deleting People From Facebook”

E-Stalking [Part 4]

Bill Cammack GSX-R NYC Night, by Jay BatistaI dropped my e-Stalking series in 2008.

At the time, I was talking about asynchronously getting to know someone by reading their blog posts, listening to their podcasts, watching their videos & live streams and coming to your own conclusion about who they are, what they’re like and what they like to do without them ever knowing that you exist.

e-Stalking makes perfect sense because people tend to share what they care about online to the degree that they’re willing to be judged by what they wrote. Trust Me.. You can learn way more about someone in 20 minutes of consuming their media than you can during 20 minutes of banter with them and three other people standing around at an IRL social function. Continue reading “E-Stalking [Part 4]”

Social Media: You’re Doing It Wrong

Let me tell you how Social Media works…

There are two layers. There’s the online layer and then the offline layer.

The online layer is where we all say whatever we want about ourselves and expect people to take our word for it. The offline layer is where you have to PUT UP OR SHUT UP. You’re either the same person IRL (In Real Life) that you claim to be online or you’re not. Continue reading “Social Media: You’re Doing It Wrong”

IRL Griefers [Part 1]

I had a strange evening last night. Very strange evening.

The strangeness wasn’t that anything strange occurred. Pathetically enough, my ‘problem’ last night was that I hung out with a non-social-media acquaintance. I don’t even know that the word ‘pathetic’ is appropriate for that sentence.

I didn’t have a good time last night, because the entire time was wasted. I also didn’t have a good time last night because I was figuring things out and making calculations on the fly. I also didn’t have a good time last night because I wasn’t able to e-stalk the IRL acquaintance of mine that I was slated to hang out with. I also didn’t have a good time because I started the evening “too late”, which was actually ‘right on time’ for hanging out in NYC… midnight. I felt a lot of stress last night. I thought about a lot of things that I haven’t thought about in ages. I won’t be going through this again.

It was worth it for two reasons: a) I learned so much and b) nothing happened.

Strangely enough, and I refrained from using the word ‘pathetically’ there… I really *CAN* break my ‘problems’ from last night down into lack of utilization of social media. To not make this one of my epic novels, I’ll say that my inability to research my acquaintance due to his lack of presence on the net, combined with his inability to research the society we live in and understand it led to my needing to explain A LOT OF THINGS to him last night while I was simultaneously running scenarios through my mind, attempting to predict/avert potential problems with people ALL ******* NIGHT, which led to my experience of stress that I can write about now. I can’t even write about it properly, because I’d physically rather just expel it from my system and forget the sensation entirely, but I’m keeping it for now so I can attempt to make something useful out of this post.

The ‘problem’ is that the NYC nightlife scene is garbage. It’s been garbage for a long time. Except that’s not THE problem. The real problem is not understanding that the nightlife scene is garbage and therefore not being able to accept that it’s garbage and ‘play it where it lays’. When people don’t understand what’s going on around them, they feel like it’s unfair and start to get upset about it. When people get upset about things, their behavioral patterns become abnormal or skewed. In the video game world, the extreme versions of people like this are known as Griefers:

A griefer is a player who plays a game simply to aggravate and harass other players. Griefing is a form of emergent gameplay.[1]

Griefers differ from typical players in that they do not play the game in order to achieve objectives defined by the game world. Instead, they seek to harass other players, causing grief. In particular, they may use tools such as stalking, hurling insults, and exploiting unintended game mechanics. Griefing as a gaming play style is not simply any action that may be considered morally incorrect. Though the staff of each online game defines griefing in a manner that best fits their game, certain criteria must be met for an action to be considered griefing. An act of griefing involves the following three types of actions to be considered grief play:[2]

Interestingly enough, the entry for Griefers doesn’t explain WHY they’re such AssHats. Griefers feel downtrodden, either IRL or in-game. Most of the time, they’re complete SCRUBS (can’t play the game worth a damn), and they get tired of constantly losing, day in and day out. Every single game they LOSE. Regardless of how much they practice, they LOSE. Since they figure their team’s going to lose regardless and they’re most likely to be the first casualty ANYWAY, so even if the team wins, they won’t feel any GLORY, they start shooting teammates or sabotaging their own team’s play in some fashion. The reason they do this is in order to feel like they control SOMETHING… Like they have SOME control over ANYTHING. Their whole reason for playing is to hear how upset their teammates are, which is an indication that they affected someone for once in their miserable lives.

This same psychosis occurs IRL (in real life). HAHAHAHA Somehow, I’ve stumbled onto the perfect analogy for what was stressing me out last night. I was hanging out with a Griefer. 😀 The problem with hanging out with Griefers is that YOU look like you’re down with whatever ridiculousness is going on in THEIR heads. To go back to the video game analogy… When a Griefer’s detected, the team’s going to turn on that person. Better to get rid of them and play minus one player off the bat than let this idiot mess up everyone else’s plans. If you’re clearly affiliated with that player, they might come after you too, because they don’t want you taking revenge for what happened to the Griefer. So, even though philosophically, you agree with them and would rather have this player kicked from the team, there’s a good chance that you’re going to get dragged into the problem. So… The solution is NOT TO HANG OUT WITH GRIEFERS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

I didn’t have this choice, because due to this person lacking a social media presence, I wasn’t able to e-stalk him and avoid the situation entirely. I found out that he was an IRL Griefer ‘on the fly’ which is what totally ****** my night up because I spent the rest of the time calculating potentials and possibilities. Not only was my time being WASTED, but I was getting stressed out from being clearly visually affiliated with an obvious IRL Griefer. The reason I didn’t just LEAVE is that I wanted to learn from the situation, and I was hoping… HOPING it was going to be a free lesson. 🙂 Thank God it was.

cont… IRL Griefers [Part 2]